Devotionals by FamilyLife

9 Words for Winning Any Argument With Your Wife
By Bruce Goff

Next time you're in an argument with your wife, I have nine words to shut it down. Ready?

"I think this is a blind spot for you."

I mean, what can she say? "No, it's not"?

Exactly. Checkmate.

I employed this tactic in an "emotionally rich discussion" with my wife. She had accused me of regularly not clearing my plate from the table.

I took it as an opportunity to unleash the arsenal I had been saving up from all the times I picked up after her. Her problem was rampant.

(That was my word for the moment, "rampant!" It just felt right.)

Anyway, (spoiler alert) the discussion didn't go well. And I hope by now you're learning from me what not to do.

An argument with your spouse is not a game to win. It's an opportunity to love.

One way we can love is by addressing our own blindspots. Jesus put it this way in Matthew 7:4-5:

“...how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.”

Besides a dish left here or there, my blindspots were keeping a record of wrongs and not counting it a privilege to serve my wife. That's log-sized (not to mention rampant). My wife leaving a mess uncleaned would be a speck.

So maybe next time you have an "exciting verbal exchange" with your spouse, try, "Let me make sure I’m understanding you correctly ..."

Seek to love them well and self-reflect.

Christ laid down His life for His bride (Ephesians 5:25). Certainly we can lay down winning an argument.

Well over 50% of healthy communication is … listening. Are you a good listener?

The Good Stuff: If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame. (Proverbs 18:13)

Action Points:

• Ask your wife what a blind spot in your life might be.
• Listen carefully, and ask God to help you take the log out of your eye.
• Do the above steps before trying to address a blind spot in your wife’s life.

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