FamilyLife Today®

Alistair Begg: My father's line was always the same. I'd say, "Dad, can I go to this?" In certain cases, he would say, "Yeah, sure." In other cases, he would say, "Well, you can go, but without my blessing." Looking back on it, it was genius. He could only play that card if I cared about his blessing. Why would I care about his blessing? Because I love my dad. Fathers cannot play that card unless they've built that relationship.

Welcome to FamilyLife Today®, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Ann Wilson. And I'm Dave Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today®.

Dave Wilson: All right, we've got Alistair Begg back in the studio, and we're going to make him do something that we didn't even prepare him for. We're going to have him coach us on how to deal with the culture pressures that we are raising our families in. Our face is being pushed against in the wind right now.

Ann Wilson: Meaning our families?

Dave Wilson: Families, individual believers, as Christians in the world we're living in right here right now. We're fighting through the wind. What do you mean by that?

Alistair Begg: The Christian is an alien and a stranger. We know that. I used to read that in First Peter and say, "I wonder what it feels like to be an alien and a stranger." My growing-up years were in a Scotland that still hadn't gone crazy. My early years in America were still the residual impact of some of those great days.

When was the last time you saw 100,000 people in the Cotton Bowl in Dallas singing, "There's only one way, one God, one book, and it's the Holy Bible"? Yeah, there's a lot of good things going on, but life has changed. The fabric of the culture has just frayed dramatically. The children that we are raising are growing up in a world that you and I never experienced. They are part and parcel of a culture that we are largely observers of rather than participants in.

We've essentially lived in my lifetime from the '60s—I was born in the '50s—but from the '60s, we've lived through an immoral revolution that has literally turned Western culture upside down. The church has managed to identify it in many cases, but I think it's caught us broadsided.

I would have to confess the fact that I felt that way because I had an educational system that was framed by a biblical worldview. I was naive to think that my children were actually in public education being framed by the same kind of worldview that I had. I was very strong about the absolute necessity of making sure that our children are not sequestered away from the world in which they live.

I've changed my mind entirely on that now because the wind has blown just straight in our faces in relationship to everything, and not least of all, family life. So much so that if you've got a mom and a dad and children, a mom and a dad that love each other, that live through the ups and the downs and support one another, that show their children that they are not perfect people, that they are sinners who depend on the grace of God and so can then act in a spirit of wise compassion in relationship to their children as they try and figure things out.

When you put that together with all of its ups and downs and ins and outs, and then you take that out into a restaurant and you find that the family are actually engaged with one another in conversation, that they're not alone while they're together, they're actually engaged. Parents have got to really get a hold of this.

I've got it now with my grandchildren, and I'm watching to see. My oldest grandchild, she's tall, she's cute, she wants a phone like crazy. I'm saying to my daughter, "I wouldn't touch it. I wouldn't do it." Why not? Because I'm just observing. It seems to me that children at the present time are more influenced by their peers and by social media than we actually realize.

It's naive of us to assume that they can imbibe all of that stuff, take it into their little psyches, their little forming brains as they try and put together all the elements of their life. It's a wonderful opportunity for Christian families to show a decaying culture that God's way is actually best.

I can't fix anything, and I'm very slow in putting anything together. It's like I get something out of a box that's got maker's instructions, and I say, "No, don't wait. Let's just get the thing started." We get halfway through and I realize, well, that's why we had instructions. What we've really done is we've just taken the maker's instructions, which are given for us for life, and we set them on a side, and our culture is bearing testimony to that.

We have a privileged responsibility to say, "No, we're going to go with the maker's instructions." We need to say to young people, "You want an adventure? We've got an adventure for you. This is no story for wimps. This is a challenge." Jesus is presenting a challenge, and Jesus is also promising the resources to face up to the challenge.

Dave Wilson: As people of the book, we're followers of Christ, so we're people of the book. That makes us bad guys. How do we navigate that?

Alistair Begg: We've got to be good bad guys. I'm playing golf in California a long time ago now. I'm put with a group of guys that I don't know. We set off on this thing, and almost immediately, the jokes were filthy. Not even marginal. We get on the 15th and we have to wait. A guy says, "Hey Alistair, what do you do?" I said, "Well, I'm actually a pastor of a church." Stony silence. One of the guys says, "So how's business?" I said, "Business is really good because there's no shortage of sinners, as I think you can see."

There was a little bit of laughter, but not a lot. We all tee off. I'm out on the course. A guy comes, the main joke guy, comes flying across in his golf cart, pulls up beside me, and he goes, "I don't like what you said out there. You're calling me a sinner. You don't understand. I'm only telling jokes that sinners tell. I'm just telling their jokes. Do you understand? Because I'm not a sinner."

I said, "Well, I'm delighted to meet you because there's only one other person that I've heard of in the entire history of humanity that was prepared to make that claim." The guy's so crazy, he goes, "And who was that?" I said, "Well, that was Jesus of Nazareth." He says, "Well, if you're going to bring that stuff up," and then he got in his cart and drove off again.

When we got in the clubhouse, I said, "You got really frayed out there, didn't you?" He said, "Yeah, I did. I didn't like that." I said, "Do you know how I know so much about sinners?" He said, "No." I said, "Because every morning when I shave, I see one in the mirror." He says, "Well, you're not a sinner, you're a pastor." I said, "No, I'm a sinful pastor." People don't understand that. To be able to hold the line and yet to do it in a way that is winsome or humorous is a great vehicle. Not telling jokes, but just not taking ourselves too seriously.

Some husbands or fathers are just driving the thing and just driving their kids under the table. It's a hard line. My dad's line with me when I was 15 or 16 living in Yorkshire—you've got to realize what a sheltered background I had in that I'd never been to a movie. The first movie that I managed to convince my people was okay to go and see was *The Ten Commandments*. They finally relented on that, followed up by *The Sound of Music*.

I went to the equivalent of Woodstock, which was the Isle of Wight festival in Britain. I wanted to see Yes and Procol Harum and all those things. My father's line was always the same. I'd say, "Dad, can I go to this?" In certain cases, he would say, "Yeah, sure." In other cases, he would say, "Well, you can go, but without my blessing." Looking back on it, it was genius. He could only play that card if I cared about his blessing.

Why would I care about his blessing? Because I love my dad. Because I know that what he's saying, even when I push back against it, he's saying it for my good. He's not trying to screw my life up. Fathers cannot play that card unless they've built that relationship. That can't be done spending more time with an exercise bike at the gym at the expense of being with your kids when they go to bed at night.

Some of the best times were just lying on the bed beside my kids saying nothing except allowing them to say what they were saying and then responding to it. With my girls, when guys are coming around—and I can remember these conversations like they happened yesterday—this guy has got long hair, he's French, he rides bicycles, he's this, he's that. He's all of those things, and she wants to spend a lot of time with him.

I'm saying, "Yeah, but he doesn't know Jesus, he doesn't love Jesus." She says, "Yeah, but I can win him over." I say, "Yeah, but no, I don't think you can. Besides, I don't want you to do that." Then we have the tears. Then I say to her, "Do you know anybody in the entire world apart from your mom that loves you as much as I love you?" She said, "No." I said, "Then answer me: why would I do anything to hurt you or to harm you? Trust me, I'm your dad."

That doesn't come out of a vacuum. If we have been so heavy-handed with our children as to create resentment in them, then they'll just tell you to get out of their bedroom and slam the door on you. You're going to have to find some other way to get back in there. It's a lot of work, it's a lot of effort, it's a lot of prayer, and it's not finished yet. It's never finished. I thought when they got out of house and went to university, "We're done." No. They're our children forever.

So we still pray, and then we add the list of the grandchildren. I was driving in the car home from church the other day, and I've got four of my grandchildren in the car. The boy, amongst four girls, says to his older sister, "Leona, how old will you be when I'm 13?" She says, "I'll be 20." He says, "20? How can you be 20?" She says, "Well, you'll be 13."

Then they had this big conversation about the passage of time and what would that be like. You realize that their tiny little lives are going to be framed by something, and the wind is blowing full on in our faces. Do we have the courage as parents and grandparents to hold the line for the truth of the word of God? Do we believe in our heart of hearts in a way that transfers through the generations?

As for God, His way is perfect. My mantra now is Psalm 71: "O God, from my youth you have taught me, and I still proclaim your wondrous deeds. So even to old age and gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me until I proclaim your might to another generation, your power to all those to come." That's our role now. That's it. That's what you're doing here. That's what you're doing on this program. You're passing it from one generation to the next. It's fantastic and it's necessary. Stay focused.

Dave Wilson: Dennis Rainey used to say this, and we agree: the family is one of the strongest evangelistic tools we have to our neighbors.

Alistair Begg: There's two things: a well-conducted Sunday-by-Sunday service and a family that is prepared to live by the maker's instructions.

Ann Wilson: It makes me think of Matthew 10:16 when Jesus was sending the disciples out two by two. He said to them, "I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore, be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves." That is a word for our day. As we go out, I'm thinking about our homes. I'm thinking about how many kids we had in our home as our kids were growing up, their friends.

I'm telling you, it's even more so now. These kids are looking for a place where they're seen, they're loved, they want truth. They don't want it shoved in their face in a judgmental, unappealing way. They just want the gospel, which is the good news for everyone. It comes with this great grace and unconditional love of just listening to a story. Talk about a platform. Our kids bring their friends in the door because we can love them and listen to them. It's a crazy culture, and who knows what's going on in their homes. But to see a good marriage and a family that feels like there's joy here, there's security here, there's truth here.

Alistair Begg: We've just adopted a young lady as her aunt and uncle. She comes out of a background that her parents—I don't know if they were ever married—but she's an only child. She's been in prison for the last year and a half, and she's now out. It's just the very thing you're saying. Now she's, for the first time, seeing some small picture of what the full technicolor picture is supposed to look like in terms of a husband and a wife and a family that functions.

Every time we see somebody born again by the spirit of God, we realize this is fantastic. This is something that God has done. It really is something that God has done. It always is, of course, because only God can open blind eyes, only God can soften hard hearts. Paul writes and says, "Do you not realize that God's kindness would lead you to repentance?" The kindness of God. A God who, despite the fact that we are rebels, comes to seek us out and goes to such lengths in order to put us back together again. This is the story we have. Let a culture go where it's going. We just have to go wisely, courageously, and tell the story that we've been given to tell and trust God.

The man on the middle cross. The angel interviews him. It's all fiction, of course. "Were you a member of a church?" "No." "Were you baptized?" "No." "Were you in a home Bible study group?" "No." "So what are you doing here?" "Well, I don't know. I'll get my supervising angel." He gets the supervising angel. "So let's just get straight to it. On what basis are you here?" "The man on the middle cross told me I can come."

That's all any of us are going to say. My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness. I dare not trust the sweetest frame but wholly lean on Jesus' name. That's what we want at the center of our lives and at the heart of our families.

Ann Wilson: Fall is when small groups start back up. If you're a group leader, you've been thinking about pulling some couples together for a marriage or family study. This really is the best time of year to grab material.

Dave Wilson: You can get them right now through the end of August at FamilyLife®. All the workbooks for our small groups are 25% off at FamilyLife.com/shop. No discount code needed. You just go there and you can pick from *The Art of Marriage*®, *The Art of Parenting*®, or *Vertical Marriage*®. They're all video studies. It's phenomenal to watch God work in your living room. It's so easy. It's plug-and-play.

Ann Wilson: We've done almost all of these studies. They're so good. It's hard thinking, "What can we do this year?" We have the answer for you, and it's on sale.

Dave Wilson: Instead of just listening, be a partner with us. Be a financial partner, which means you decide, "I'm going to give whatever amount monthly" to be a monthly partner with FamilyLife® and say, "I want this ministry to not just impact me but impact my neighbor." The only way that happens is people like you saying, "I'm in. I'm not just a spectator. I'm playing. I'm getting on the field and I'm playing and I'm giving."

You will make a difference. We need you. Again, Alistair Begg's book is called *The Christian Manifesto: Jesus’ Life-Changing Words from the Sermon on the Plain*. You can get your copy by clicking the link in the show notes at FamilyLifeToday.com.

FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife, a Cru ministry, celebrating 50 years of God's faithfulness as marriages grow stronger and families flourish in Him.