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Lions and Tigers and Bears. Oh, My!
By Leslie J. Barner

She let out a growl so ferocious, the humans were shaken to their core! She bared her teeth, her inner beast unleashed. What were they thinking, getting between a mother bear and her cub?

Oh, you thought I was describing the animal? Ha! I’m describing myself when our children were young.

I fought fiercely to protect my babies. Uh, until I realized I couldn’t protect them from everything. Especially the consequences of their own choices.

I also learned to be careful with my protective nature when it came to their dad.

One of our biggest disagreements was over a disciplinary moment with one of our daughters. I was ready to pounce. But taking up for her meant siding against my husband in her presence.

Bad idea.

Hebrews 13:4 tells us to “Let marriage be held in honor among all”.

That means “Team Us” before anything or anyone else ... including our children.

To honor my marriage as top priority, I had to tame my inner beast and keep Mama Bear in check.

Honestly, those cubs were not angels. Sometimes true protection looked like discipline.

But in your own den, maybe he (or she) didn’t have to speak so harshly. Or take away their privileges for, like, ever! Have you been there, and felt your Mama/Papa Bear’s inner beast rising?

I get it.

I’m not suggesting you don’t confront your spouse for the purpose of protecting your child’s well-being. But agreeing to discuss it privately, rather than in your children’s presence, guards your marriage. It helps them see you as a united team.

And when you conclude the discipline was unfair, apologize sincerely to that child and make it right.

This practice will make both Mama and Papa Bear very happy.

Improve your marriage by being worse parents.

The Good Stuff: Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)

Action Points: Instead of allowing your children to get in the way of your oneness, what are some ways in which you can ensure that your oneness gets in the way of your children? If you don’t have children, answer the same question but replace “your children” with “others.”

I Do Every Day Let’s Go Vertical! prayer guide

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About FamilyLife Today®

FamilyLife Today® is an award-winning podcast featuring fun, engaging conversations that help families grow together with Jesus while pursuing the relationships that matter most. Hosted by Dave and Ann Wilson, new episodes air every Tuesday and Thursday.

About Dave and Ann Wilson

Dave and Ann Wilson are co-hosts of FamilyLife Today©, FamilyLife’s nationally-syndicated radio program.

Dave and Ann have been married for more than 40 years and have spent the last 35 teaching and mentoring couples and parents across the country. They have been featured speakers at FamilyLife’s Weekend to Remember® since 1993, and have also hosted their own marriage conferences across the country.

Dave and Ann helped plant Kensington Community Church in Detroit, Michigan where they served together in ministry for more than three decades, wrapping up their time at Kensington in 2020.

The Wilsons are the creative force behind DVD teaching series Rock Your Marriage and The Survival Guide To Parenting, as well as authors of the recently released books Vertical Marriage (Zondervan, 2019) and No Perfect Parents (Zondervan, 2021).

Dave is a graduate of the International School of Theology, where he received a Master of Divinity degree. A Ball State University Hall of Fame Quarterback, Dave served the Detroit Lions as Chaplain for thirty-three years. Ann attended the University of Kentucky. She has been active with Dave in ministry as a speaker, writer, small group leader, and mentor to countless women.

The Wilsons live in the Detroit area. They have three grown sons, CJ, Austin, and Cody, three daughters-in-law, and a growing number of grandchildren.

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