Why Do We NEED Friends?| Rechab & Brittany Gray, Ike & Arianysis Todd, Demetrius Hicks
Making friends as an adult and building authentic Christian community thrives on humility, honesty, and honor, fostering deep bonds through vulnerability and faith, as shared by New Creation Fellowship leaders.
Join Dave and Ann Wilson from FamilyLife Today as they sit down with the leadership team of New Creation Fellowship in Orlando, Florida. Pastors Ike and Arian Todd, Recap and Brittany Gray, and Demetrius share their incredible journey of friendship, faith, and church planting. This episode dives deep into what it truly means to build authentic Christian community, emphasizing the power of vulnerability, accountability, and unwavering commitment.
Speaker 1
I think what the enemy does, and you guys have seen this, especially in church world, is one of his goals is to create division. He hates what you have. Hates it. He does that in the world. He does that in the church. So much.
Speaker 2
Us being honest with each other, humble before one another and honoring one another. I don't think hell can do anything with it, because where can he get in?
Speaker 3
Okay, so we're breaking new ground at family life today. I don't know if you guys know this. I don't think we've ever done three on the couch.
Speaker 1
Oh, yeah.
Speaker 3
This is the most four off the couch. I don't know. What do you call this?
Speaker 2
Three on the couch.
Speaker 1
It could be like a new game.
Speaker 3
This is a new day for us. It's sort of weird having three people. I mean, you're over here like our son. I don't know what's happening.
Speaker 4
I'll take it.
Speaker 3
Are you trying to stay away from that? I'll take it.
Speaker 4
I will take it.
Speaker 1
I like it.
Speaker 4
What time is dinner?
Speaker 3
And why am I the only guy without a hat on?
Speaker 2
Yeah, that's a problem. That's a problem. We gotta bring one next time.
Speaker 4
But you got shoe game, though.
Speaker 3
I got shoe game?
Speaker 4
Yeah.
Speaker 3
Those were painted by some woman on eBay.
Anyway, tell our listeners. And really, if you're just a listener, I hope you're a watcher watching this on YouTube.
Who you guys are, how you're connected. I mean, we know you, but they don't know you. So we'll start over here and go. Come around.
Speaker 2
Yeah, Philly.
Speaker 5
Yeah, definitely Philly. Yeah. Ike Todd, born and raised in North Philly.
Speaker 2
Wait, wait, wait.
Speaker 3
Why aren't you wearing an Eagles hat right now?
Speaker 5
Never.
Speaker 3
Never. You won the Super Bowl.
Speaker 2
He's a very kid. Individual.
Speaker 5
Every individual except Eagles.
Speaker 3
Really?
Speaker 5
Why Niners in football?
Speaker 4
Yeah, Niners.
Speaker 5
Yes, sir.
Speaker 3
Why not the Eagles?
Speaker 5
Because they didn't have Jerry Rice. No, it's nothing like Niners. I mean, Eagles fans in Ox. I can't stand them. I know, but I can't front. Like, I was kind of proud for the city, secretly.
Speaker 2
Secretly.
Speaker 5
Like, my dad, he's getting older, so I want him to get some Super Bowls on his belt.
Speaker 3
I will say Eagles fans, if you're in Philly, I'm not ripping on you. But they're pretty nasty.
Speaker 1
They're passionate.
Speaker 3
You know, I was on the sideline with the Lions for all these years. We go to Philly. I remember one time standing beside our head coach Rod Marinelli, and I go, hey, like two minutes before the game, I feel so good. We are blowing them out.
He goes, you're right, we're going to. We got beat like 50 to 3, and they were throwing stuff at us from the stands. It's scary in Philly.
Speaker 5
No, it's real.
Speaker 3
It's real. Anyway, we never even got to know. We don't know anything about you. So. Philly, come on, tell us.
Speaker 5
Well, that's pretty much. I mean, the best thing about me is that I'm Adianisi's husband.
Speaker 1
Oh, that's a good one.
Speaker 5
You've been wrecking them for so long.
Speaker 6
I've been doing good. He been doing good.
Speaker 1
How many years have you been married?
Speaker 2
Eight.
Speaker 5
Or is it nine?
Speaker 6
No, eight. No.
Speaker 5
Cuz next year we was, we were just talking about.
Speaker 6
You guys don't know how long you've been married.
Speaker 2
It's nine.
Speaker 6
It is nine. It is nine. Listening to family life today, we could help you.
Speaker 3
That you got to get right.
Speaker 5
We was literally just talking about how we will celebrate our 10th inn.
Speaker 6
Yeah. Next year will be. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1
What's your anniversary? I'm putting him in the dishes.
Speaker 5
March 12th.
Speaker 6
Yes.
Speaker 1
He just had it.
Speaker 2
Yeah.
Speaker 4
I'm killing it right now.
Speaker 3
You just had it and you can't remember the number?
Speaker 6
Listen, we don't remember a lot.
Speaker 5
We just had a baby and it threw everything on us.
Speaker 1
We'll give you grace.
Speaker 5
Nothing else matters right now at all. My little mama, we actually missing her right now because it's the first time she's staying over grandma's overnight.
Speaker 1
Is this your first baby?
Speaker 6
Yes, this is our first baby.
Speaker 1
How old is she?
Speaker 5
She is nine months.
Speaker 6
Not 10 months. She's gonna be 10 months. She is going to be 10 months on the 29th. Yes.
Speaker 1
Okay.
Speaker 6
She'll be 10 months on the 29th. Yes.
Speaker 1
That's fun.
Speaker 5
So yeah. Where was I born and raised? In Philly.
Speaker 6
Yeah.
Speaker 5
Yeah. I don't know.
Speaker 1
And you just said the best part of your life.
Speaker 5
That is the best part. Yes. So when it comes to the baby.
Speaker 4
We were.
Speaker 5
Struggling with infertility for seven years. So that's a huge, huge, huge, huge deal.
Speaker 3
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 5
And that's why nothing else matters right now to us. That's why we just all over the place because we just in love with our daughter.
Speaker 3
So yeah, your six month, eight month, nine month, ten month daughter, whatever she is.
Speaker 1
But that's really sweet. That's a big reason to celebrate. You've waited a while for sure. So where did you grow up and how did you Guys, meet.
Speaker 6
Yes. It's a great story. It's a really great story.
So I actually grew up. I was born in Puerto Rico to Dominican parents. I was raised pretty much in Tampa, Florida until I was 17. At 17, my dad got called to open up a church in Brandon.
I've been church planting all my life. Since I was 17 years old, we planted the church CLS in Brandon, Cristo, La Senda. But then I met my husband through Instagram.
Speaker 1
What?
Speaker 6
So see, what had happened was. See, Let me explain.
Speaker 3
Yeah, we gotta know, does he have, like, Instagram game? What's going on? Is he a big influencer?
Speaker 6
He's nice with it. And I'm super clumsy and very.
Speaker 1
So.
Speaker 6
Well, yeah, he. Some. We don't know how because we have no mutuals. We have. We don't know it's God. That's the only thing that we can say. It was the Lord somehow, like, I found his page or he found mine. I can't remember how, but basically what happened was that I went onto his page and he just loves Jesus so much that his whole page was just like theology.
At that time, I was so starved for it. So I was going through his page, and I had gone deep, guys, like, really deep. But I forgot that I was on his page. And so then I just started liking a bunch of stuff like, amen.
Speaker 1
Yeah.
Speaker 6
Yes, Piper, whoever. Yes. All of those people. Yes. So I was like, well, maybe, I don't know.
Yeah, it was people that were like, amazing. And he.
And then like a couple of minutes later, I get a notification on my Instagram that he had screenshotted all of my likes and said, shout out to Arianisis for all the love.
And I was mortified.
Speaker 5
All her likes. It was no pictures of me. It was just like quotes and stuff.
Speaker 6
It was quot. So I forgot that I was on his page.
Speaker 1
Wait, I want to get Ike's perspective of what he was thinking. Did you check her out?
Speaker 5
Yeah, I did. So I went back on her page and start clicking likes. But it was pictures of her. Yeah, so she was just clicking pictures of quotes and stuff. I was liking pictures of her.
Speaker 6
So it's very clear. Very clear.
Speaker 3
You might be the first couple I've ever met that met that way. I mean, there's probably hundreds of lions.
Speaker 1
Couples that did.
Speaker 3
Well, I don't know.
Speaker 1
They don't tell me who reached out to who first.
Speaker 6
I think. I think I reached out to him in the sense. I was like, I promise you I'm not a stalker. I'm so sorry. And then. Yeah, and then he had made a post about praying for. For somebody. And so I had comment like, we're praying, whatever.
Speaker 5
And then it was a bunch of people actually praying for this one girl, someone who was like, into Hebrew Israelite stuff. So everybody was praying for her. And we was a part of that group praying for her.
Speaker 6
Yeah.
Speaker 5
So then in the comments, it was just people making just like a discussion.
Speaker 6
Yeah.
Speaker 5
And then at some point, we took our discussion to the dm.
Speaker 6
Yes, that did happen. Yes, that did happen.
Speaker 1
Let me ask you, when you started to get to know Ike got married to him, was he the real deal? Like, did his page truly reflect who he was spiritually?
Speaker 6
Oh, 100%. We were long distance for the majority of our relationship. And so I think we spent maybe a total of three weeks within the same physical space before we got married. And it was because he led me. Like, that was the main thing.
I remember the first time that I knew that this was, like, from the Lord was because he had kind of professed that he wanted to pursue me and that he wanted to date, like, Courtney, like, the very Christian word, like, court me. But he wouldn't have used that word. I had felt in my spirit that the Lord was telling me that I needed to, like, stop talking to dudes. I just needed to hide myself in him.
So I sent him a text message and I was like, listen, I just... which is what I always do. I over explain, like, you don't really like me. You just like the idea of me. You don't really know me. Like, I feel like, you know, I just want to... And so I was giving him all these reasons as to, like, why not to be in a relationship with me or why this isn't right.
He texted me back like, hey, that's fine, but can I call you tomorrow? In my mind, I was like, okay, here he goes. He's going to try to persuade me. He's going to try to convince me. I was preparing myself to, like, be bold and to be convicting and say no.
When he called me, he was like, yeah, yeah, that's cool. You don't have to, like, date me, but I just want you to know, like, you don't have to give me a reason. Your no is enough. He pretty much corrected me in a sense, like, just protectiveness.
In my mind, I was just waiting for him to stop talking so I could tell him off. Like, who do you think you are to tell me what I can and cannot do? As soon as I went to open my mouth, I felt. I heard the Holy Spirit tell me, stop talking and submit.
When I felt that, I don't submit to any other man except for my dad, like at that point, like as my pastor and as my father. To feel that in my heart, like, no, you need to stop talking and submit to this was... Oh, okay. Wow. So then after that, it's just been a life of that.
Speaker 3
Of joy.
Speaker 6
Yeah, Joy, submission, protection, covering leadership. Like it's been.
Speaker 1
Ooh, I like that you put those words along with those.
Speaker 6
Yeah, it's been amazing. Yeah.
Speaker 3
Okay, guys, first couple on the couch.
Speaker 2
Yeah, yeah. Recap. Gray, this is Brittany. Know how to do this? Jo. But yeah, this is Britney, my beautiful wife. How many years? We will be 16 this year. Am I tripping on that? No, you're right. 16 years this year in August. In August. And yeah, it's been the ride of our lives. For real, for real, for real.
We got four kids: Aaron, Zapora, Jonathan, and Hadassah. They are 15, 14, 5, and 4. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And yeah, we met. So part of our story too is that Ike can share a lot more about his whole background musically. But I met Ike when he came back to Philly because he left for... How long was you in LA?
Speaker 4
Two years.
Speaker 2
Two years. So I met him when he came back to Philly. He was. He started coming to the church that I was a part of. And it was actually Alianesis, who I learned later appointed him to go to that church. Am I right about that?
Speaker 6
No, I just.
Speaker 5
To become a member.
Speaker 2
To become a member.
Speaker 3
Pushing him to become a member doesn't sound very submissive.
Speaker 2
I'm so glad she did though, cuz he locked in on a small group I was in. It had to be 20, like early 2015 when me and Ike really locked in, which. Jeez, that's like 10 years. But long story short on that.
So like, yeah, we was. We was already, I guess like on staff at the church there. And me and him locked in and like, it just. I don't know. There's certain people you meet where you just like, know.
It's funny actually, when I first. First, first, like first day I met him, I ain't like him. Cause I knew he was into hip hop and I had like some. Not. Cause I'm a hip hop head, love hip hop, but Christian hip hop. I just had some, like, stuff with it. You know what I mean? And there's a lot. It's a long story with that, but when I first met him, it was like, nah, I don't do, like, I don't bang with musicians like that no more.
But it was like, I don't know. A few weeks later, he was saying something in the group, and I was sharing that I was about to preach. And he just was like, yo, I know you about to preach. What does that look like? So I was like, well, meet me here and let's talk about it. And ever since. No, no, I ain't saying like that.
Speaker 5
I said, he. He asked for prayer because he was about to preach that coming Sunday. So this was Wednesday. Was at a small group. He asked for prayer.
Saturday morning was a men's Bible study. Hey, you mentioned, you know, you needed prayer because you preaching this weekend when you get a chance. I love to know just what's involved in that. What.
Speaker 4
What.
Speaker 5
What was going on? You seem like you were struggling through some things. What is that? Like, to prepare a sermon? And he said, why? I'm like, I just. Just curious. I just want to know. He was like, yeah, but why? I just want to know.
Speaker 4
That sounds.
Speaker 6
No context. But why? You don't know if it's good or bad. Like, if you're in trouble.
Speaker 3
It's just.
Speaker 6
But why?
Speaker 4
I don't care about.
Speaker 2
What was that question about why nobody asks about sermon prep unless you feel called to sermon prep.
Speaker 3
Exactly. Unless you're, like, a preacher.
Speaker 2
Y. I didn't know.
Speaker 4
I just thought.
Speaker 5
I was genuinely curious. I just want to know. So then he's just like, what you doing Tuesday? So we start meeting, and that was how we kicked off.
Speaker 7
I think you genuinely did not think that what you were interested in was abnormal.
Speaker 5
I had no idea.
Speaker 7
We were the ones that had to say, like, you desire to study theology all day long.
Speaker 1
I was gonna say, based on your Instagram post.
Speaker 3
It makes sen.
Speaker 5
But I was just.
Speaker 2
I got.
Speaker 5
I got saved in 2011. 2011. So I was just fresh, and I thought this was normal. I thought everybody wanted to study the scriptures all day, every day, talk about the Olivey and all those things.
Speaker 3
They should.
Speaker 5
And that's what she said. She was like, no, everybody should read.
Speaker 2
But you love it.
Speaker 5
So she was like, God is calling you.
Speaker 7
Yeah.
Speaker 6
Also, he. He doesn't. Like, he didn't get saved in a church. He got saved in his apartment watching YouTube.
So he. So even him becoming a part of the congregation or becoming a member was because we. He didn't. He, like, he didn't grow up in the church. So even that concept was, like, new to him.
So I was like, no, no, no. You. You. You don't just go. You have to become a member at a church. You should become a member of a church.
And so that was. Yeah, so it was a lot of. Yeah, it was a new world for him. And so that was really cool to.
Speaker 2
Walk with him with that man.
Speaker 3
You know, I hear that. And I'm thinking, what if somebody's watching this on YouTube and they come to Christ? I mean, God uses all vehicles. Wow, what a story.
Speaker 1
Let's hear Demetrius. Let's hear your story.
Speaker 4
That's going to be part of my trauma later.
Speaker 5
I'm just playing.
Speaker 1
Well, because you're our son. We don't forget.
Speaker 4
That's what I'm saying. But no, I'm Demetri from Alabama, and I kind of share Pastor Ike's sentiments. I think Alabama fans are some of the worst, which is why I don't follow them, but really.
Speaker 3
And you're from Alabama.
Speaker 4
I know.
Speaker 3
I thought you had to be.
Speaker 4
I know it seems for Alabamian. No, I'm not a fan of the Crimson Tide.
Speaker 3
Nick Saban's not your personal savior or anything. He's not.
Speaker 4
And I don't have any statues or.
Speaker 2
Relics or anything like that.
Speaker 4
I was not at the relics. I was not at the coronation when he was driving away from the city. I was at the house.
And so I actually met Pastor Recab in 2021, the week that my mom passed away. Just me being the do-what's-right rule follower, he was actually preaching at a church that I was serving at, and they wanted the elders to meet him.
So I just went to the church that Sunday, and to be honest, it was like the Lord set it up because even the way we dressed that day, I needed him to have on the outfit he had on because we probably wouldn't have talked, which is a whole nother side story and another podcast conversation, I think.
Speaker 1
So can you just tell us, what did he have on?
Speaker 4
I remember it was the tennis shoes and the all black, and then I think I had on all black with an Adidas shoe and he had a cap. And for me, in that time, specifically in that space, that was important to see someone like me who shared story and history and things like that.
I remember we had one conversation, and when he brought up Fred Hammond, which is one of our favorite gospel artists, I was like, okay, this dude can be a friend. And then after having other conversations, we like to say we had, like, a conversation that was kind of similar to Mary and Elizabeth, where, like, our spiritual babies jumped. I was like, this is gonna be an actual brother and a friend.
And then through that, I met Ike and Aerie and Britt and the Lord at a time where I thought that true friendship would not be able to happen again. The Lord was like, no, I got you, and I love these people dearly with my heart.
Speaker 1
And you were an elder at the church.
Speaker 4
I was an elder at the church.
Speaker 1
So were you a worship as well, or were you doing anything musically in that season?
Speaker 4
I was not really. I was not the worship leader. I was an elder helping out. Different.
Speaker 5
We all had the same. The same reaction, literally. Yeah, yeah, we all said the same thing.
Speaker 2
Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Very confusing time.
Speaker 4
Yeah, yeah, it was a confusing time in general for me. Lost my brother 11 months before losing my mom. Then later that year, I would have lost my uncle.
I had a church situation that changed, one that I helped to plant and launch. And so honestly, I say a lot of times that the friendships here were like that voice of resurrection in the middle of a dark time.
I just thank the Lord for His faithfulness and not forgetting me.
Speaker 2
And part of that, too, is so I met Pastor Meech when it was coming out of our dark season of almost losing our daughter.
So we was both, like, reeling from this past season, like, losing his mom the week before. That's when you guys came and we literally met.
Speaker 4
The week of.
Speaker 2
Yeah, the week of. And then I was. It had to be, like, maybe a couple months after she. We made it back home.
Speaker 1
And your story, you guys, Brittany and recap, is compelling. We had you on family life today and interviewed you about that. Like, you have walked through some dark, hard things. So. But you guys met in the midst.
Speaker 2
Of all that hard.
Speaker 4
And then, to be honest, all of us were walking through things because they were still.
Speaker 1
Really.
Speaker 4
They were still in the middle of the desiring, you know, a baby and all of that. And I just think it was different than trauma bonding because these people still had, like, such a hold to Jesus. And I think that's the thing that gave us a respect for each other. Like, if a person can suffer, well, I know that these are people that I could ride with.
And so just to see their faith encourage my faith. And then I would think the same thing, as we were all, like, journeying through hard stuff, and. Which also made the church plant feel really like, lord, can you give us at least five years, let us go and get to know each other and all this kind of stuff?
And the Lord was like, yep, 20, 22. But, yeah.
Speaker 2
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3
So talk about the church, how you started it.
Speaker 2
Yeah. So it wasn't me. It was Pastor Ike.
So we was in Des Moines, Iowa. We all, the four of us. So it's such a crazy story. Crazy story.
So when we first started locking in. Yeah. Just like, again, it's those relationships that, like, you can't pry yourself away from.
So from that relationship, found out that they was dating, then engaged.
Speaker 6
He found out, like, after we got engaged.
Speaker 2
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 6
Found out about me.
Speaker 2
Yeah. And I was like, oh, snap. Moving. He refused to do our best.
Speaker 4
Yeah.
Speaker 2
No, no, no.
Speaker 6
He refused to do our wedding.
Speaker 2
No, no, no, no.
Speaker 4
He did.
Speaker 2
No, no. This is a sacred couch. Ouch. No.
Speaker 6
We invited him multiple times.
Speaker 3
I'm believing them right now.
Speaker 4
You guys are going to help walk us?
Speaker 3
What do you mean you wouldn't do it?
Speaker 2
So after not receiving an invite. Oh, my God. Yeah.
Speaker 6
They gave us our premarital counseling. So let's. That's also there. You were the one who gave us.
Speaker 1
Our premarital counseling, but he wouldn't marry you.
Speaker 6
No.
Speaker 3
No.
Speaker 2
How are you guys going with that side?
Speaker 3
Did he marry you?
Speaker 6
No.
Speaker 3
Okay. I think you're right.
Speaker 4
You might want to.
Speaker 2
I'll just let them have this one.
Speaker 1
Because.
Speaker 2
They say I was at a speaking engagement that the calendar doesn't actually agree with.
Speaker 6
No, I think. I think honestly, for me, like, I. We were. I was like, I didn't know if we could ask. Cause they were in Philly, and then. How do we get them here? How do we, like, do we. We were broke. We couldn't afford to get married. So, like, how do we get him here? Could we. Do we ask? Like.
And so there was all of that. And in between that and because we also weren't having a long engagement. So in between all of that, I think it all got mixed in.
And now we really, deeply regret the fact that our brother did not marry us. And so. But it's also something that we joke around all.
Speaker 2
Yeah, we joke all the time. But seriously, like, I remember them getting Marri. And I can genuinely say this. Like, part of what made them so quickly, even closer is because her heart posture coming in. It's like me and Ike locked in. But that don't got nothing to do with, like, the four of us. You know what I'm saying?
And so I'm sure like, any listener knows, like, you could have that relationship with, like, the dudes is, like, tight, and then the ladies is like, why do I have to? Or it could be vice versa. You know what I mean? But she was so, so just coming in humble, like, just wanting to learn, and it was just. It was just. It just clicked really quickly.
And so by the grace of the Lord, because of that, we started doing ministry together at the church we were at. And then through a crazy series of events, the four of us, with our two kids at the time, moved all the way out to Iowa together. So we going from Philly, Philly, North Philly, specifically, all the way out to Iowa together.
And that was tears, laughter, pain, joy, everything mixed in with all of that. And I think when you have those experiences of leaving, for me, the only city I've ever loved. Yeah, it was so, so, so tough. I don't think we would have. Have not just thrived. I don't think we would have made.
Speaker 1
It without each other.
Speaker 2
Without each other.
Speaker 6
Oh, 100%. There was no way.
Speaker 1
It's interesting that you all met through some pain and hard things when most people. When you struggle and go through pain, a lot of times you isolate and withdraw, pull away.
But you didn't. Like, you all were bonding through some of that.
Do you think what you have is unusual?
Speaker 2
Oh, yeah.
Speaker 4
Yeah.
Speaker 2
But sad, though. That's sad.
Speaker 6
Yeah.
Speaker 5
We've learned that it's unusual.
Speaker 6
Yeah.
Speaker 3
Okay. Why is it unusual? Why do not.
Speaker 1
Why do people not bond the way you have?
Speaker 3
Because we want to help people get what you're talking about.
Speaker 1
Everybody wants what you have. They're not sure how to go about finding it.
Speaker 5
I think we just committed to sticking through it.
Speaker 6
Yeah, I was gonna. We always talk about not leaving the table.
Speaker 3
Yeah, don't leave the table.
Speaker 2
Yeah, Yeah. I was gonna say this. We.
Speaker 5
We.
Speaker 2
So we argue.
Speaker 6
Yes.
Speaker 2
And, like, I'm talking about, like. You know what I mean? Like, we disagree and we disagree. They do like a sport and they.
Speaker 6
Argue like it's a sport.
Speaker 2
Like, it be the smallest thing and the biggest thing. So he like Jay. I like em. He likes LeBron, Jay Z. Okay, thank you.
Speaker 4
It's in the Detroit, though, right?
Speaker 5
Detroit.
Speaker 2
Anyway, so y.
Speaker 3
We like the bad boys.
Speaker 2
You know what I mean?
Speaker 3
We're Dennis Rodman.
Speaker 2
We're Isaiah, the one Jordan Poo pooed on later. Yeah. So. So we. So we argue and we argue, like, deeply. But, you know, even in front of people, like, they could be like, yo, are y' all okay? We're like, yeah, we getting dinner tonight.
But for others, it can feel like, yo, like the. It should make it uneasy if y' all are disagreeing so much. And now it's like, if we don't disagree, but we have disagreements, all that is is distance. Cause you're not telling the person that you actually disagree.
And in that distance, I think that's where you start to demonize even people that you are supposed to be deep friends with. And so what we've done is just like, yo, let's keep a short record. Say what you gotta say. Say it straight. And if we gotta fight about it, we gonna fight about it. Cause we know we not leaving the table.
Speaker 4
Yeah.
Speaker 6
Yeah.
Speaker 2
And that has been. Think the thing that has kept the five of us honestly even starting this church, it was like, a lot of arguments, a lot of disagreements. We don't all come from the same church background.
We were laughing earlier about Pastor Meech coming from a deep church background. I thought I was church, and I not even is like, church, church, church, church, but it's Spanish. And then, and tells you everything.
Yes. And I think what bonds us is the willingness to go to the table and say, here's what we're feeling. Here's how I feel. I don't like this. I do like this. And, you know, especially amongst not just different cultures here, but like, different genders, that could be very, very challenging and stressful.
And here's the word that we all hate: awkward.
Speaker 4
Yeah.
Speaker 2
I think a lot of times relationships and friendships don't go where they need to go simply because we're afraid of the awkwardness of straightforward disagreement.
But if you can make it past the waters, the murky waters of awkwardness and disagreement, on the other side of that, all you do is get.
Build a closer and closer and closer and closer and closer and more unbreakable bond.
Speaker 1
It's like a marriage.
Speaker 2
It is.
Speaker 1
You know, you're staying in it no matter what. Why do you think people leave the table?
Speaker 6
Generally speaking, I think there's a lack of trust. I think if Britney or Recap or Meech do something that rubs me the wrong way or might offend me or that I just don't understand, I deeply trust their time with the Lord, and I deeply trust their character.
And so when something happens that doesn't match up with that, it's, "Hey, can you help me understand why? Like, why that doesn't match up? Or, like, help me understand what you were trying to do here?"
And then, because we're coming with a desire to understand, as opposed to be understood or for you to know that you've hurt me, we're always seeking reconciliation, always seeking understanding. We trust each other's characters and times with the Lord, which makes it possible for us to enter into that.
Speaker 5
Like, you know, assume the best.
Speaker 6
We assume the best. And so. Yeah, if you don't.
If a relationship doesn't have Jesus at the center of it, if you can't trust each other's times with Jesus, then, yeah, you're. It's not going to work.
But I trust each and every single person's time with the Lord.
Speaker 5
I don't want to. Like, I don't want to oversimplify it, but we do fear God.
Speaker 6
Yeah.
Speaker 5
And so we have to reconcile.
Speaker 6
There's.
Speaker 1
It's not out of obedience.
Speaker 5
Out of obedience. There's no other choice. We have to reconcile.
Speaker 1
Yeah.
Speaker 5
So that's what we mean by not leaving the table. Like.
Speaker 6
Yeah.
Speaker 5
I can't just harbor bitterness. I have to say this at some point.
Speaker 6
Yeah.
Speaker 5
Because if not, it's gonna turn into some type of sin or something that's gonna blow up. So we have to talk about it. We just talking about in the car after this. We gotta talk.
Speaker 2
Yeah.
Speaker 6
Yeah.
Speaker 5
So it's like we. We not. We don't not argue. We don't not fight. We don't sweep things under the rug.
Speaker 4
No.
Speaker 5
We deal with it and then we go and eat.
Speaker 6
Yeah. That's the real issue.
Speaker 2
Yeah, that's true. A lot of food.
Speaker 4
Food has been very instrumental.
Speaker 6
Yes. Yes, it has.
Speaker 4
And I'll even say this, too. Honor.
Speaker 2
That's a good word. Mish.
Speaker 4
When you honor a person, you don't objectify them. Because what happens is when they become an object to me, I'll kick a ball around. But when I honor them, first off as being made in the image of the Lord that I fear, I'm looking in the eyes of somebody that the Lord made and loves. Then we have the fear of the Lord, and we have our love and respect for each other, our respect for their walk with the Lord. All of that kind of stuff makes that gumbo that helps us really maintain.
It's not easy. So we're not sitting up here saying every single thing has been perfect and easy, but we are saying that we have been faithful to really have hard conversations, tough conversations. Because we have that commitment, first to the Lord, then to each other, and to the scriptures, like how much Scripture is used between this group of people. I've not had it like that.
As a matter of fact, I've had things in the past where it was like, "Oh, we knew you were going to bring a scripture." These people we expected you want it. We want it because we all fear the Lord, faithful of the wounds of a friend. And profuse are the kisses of the enemy. It's like when you're not dealing with yourself before the Lord, when you're not dealing with your insecurities, when you're not dealing with your fears and anxieties that we all bring to the table, you will pre excessive flattery.
Speaker 2
Wow, bro.
Speaker 4
Then rebuke. He said, faithful are the wounds, but profuse are the kisses of an enemy. And some of us are so carnal that we prefer kisses that are excessive because it makes us feel good than the faithful wounds of a friend. And I have.
For me, being the single in the group, friendship has been the thing for me because I don't have a spouse. So the body of Christ in developing, cultivating friendships has had to be the apex of my community. I'm literally called to be a part of a body, and I think that's something too. Like, we're called to be a part of the family. God saves us, and then we're saved into a family.
Even for my single friends out there that are listening, it's like, no, we need community. I was just reading through the Proverbs this morning, and it kind of was a funny moment because I had just preached on the genealogy of Jesus. I was thinking about Solomon and how he started so well and then how he ended.
As I listened to his wisdom, I realized that you can know a bunch of stuff and not practice that which you know, and you can end up in ruins. But something that he said was, like, when you isolate yourself, you're headed toward destruction.
Speaker 3
Wow.
Speaker 4
Crazy. It says in Psalm 68 that he places the lonely in family, but the rebellious are in a sun-scorched land. And it's like, when you think about that kind of stuff, like, I need people. We need each other. We don't just like each other. We need each other.
Pastor Ike has a faith and, like, a sternness. I got to see that while he was praying for a baby. I got to see, like, a sturdy, you know, yeah, aerie. I got to see a lady who was.
Speaker 2
Yo, can I even say this real quick? Like, on an aerie. And I love her to speak to this like so. Humility, honesty, honor has been three things that I think, I think every relationship requires.
Speaker 3
Say it again. Humility.
Speaker 2
Humility, honesty, honor.
Speaker 3
You're a preacher. 3H's right?
Speaker 4
You gotta do it.
Speaker 3
You know what I mean? I mean hit it. What do you mean, humility? What do you mean, honor? You know, it's interesting. Do you guys know the root in the Hebrew of honor? The root word means bend the knee. So the picture is when you honor someone, you are, you know, when you bend the knee to somebody, you're like, I'm in the presence of somebody extremely valuable. That's what honor is. It's just, you know, no matter what I'm having a disagreement, even if we're in a fight, it's like you still are extremely valuable. Think about that in your marriage or with your kids. But obviously listen to you guys. I'm like, there it is. Humility.
Speaker 2
Yep, yep.
Speaker 3
Go.
Speaker 2
Yeah. No. And defined by Philippians, chapter two. So Paul says, if you want to complete my joy, have the same mind, the same love, being full accord and of one mind. He says, do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility, count others as more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others others. And then he says, have this mind among yourselves which is yours in Christ Jesus, who though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped. But the, the that that two part don't do something from ambition, but count others as more significant. It's inherently humbling when you honor others, but you can't do both at the same time. You can't honor, honor yourself and try to honor others. And you can't be humbling somebody and try to stay humble. I think we have a very self care, self exalt, self build up culture. And I wonder what would happen if instead of trying to serve my own needs, I serve others needs and they're doing the same. When that happens, I never have to fight for my own honor because I'm getting it from somebody else and vice versa. The reason why we fight for our own honor though is because others, others are not actually giving it to us. So we feel like there's a void. But when there's, when you're constantly being honored by the other, then I don't need to fight for my own. Think about me. Respect. No, they're already doing this, that and I'm going to be. I'm going into the conversation doing the same thing. So I think humility and honor go hand in hand. But then honesty is where it all breaks down because you can try to honor somebody with lies and that's flattery. So it's not actually being honest about what you're honoring, you're just saying what they want you to, what you think they want you to say and what they want to hear so that you can actually serve yourself and your own desires. But on the flip end, you could go about behind their back and say something that's like not true either. That's gossip. And so and I think, and I think the other side of that is like you can also build up up with lies, but you can also not check them and challenge them with not telling the truth. That's why like Ephesians 4 says, like, let each one of us speak the, the the truth to our neighbor. Cuz we are members of one another. And I think that there's a void of telling the truth to your neighbor. And so what do you do when you actually start to tell the truth? Like ike n, like last week that Jones was like not good. If he hears that only from a standpoint of like challenge, conviction and almost condemnation and there's no honor tied to it, it's going to be nothing but defeating. But if I can like honor him as I'm giving him the honest feedback, then there's a reason to receive what's being said. But here's the humility. As soon as I check him, I got to be ready to be checked too though. And you put those three things together, I literally think hell doesn't have have a solution for that problem. Like hell has no scheme against the body of Christ. And in relationships, us being honest with each other, humble before one another and honoring one another, I don't think hell can do anything with it because where can he get in?
Speaker 1
I think what the enemy does, and you guys have seen this, especially in church world, is one of his goals is to create division.
Speaker 2
Yes.
Speaker 1
And he does that in the world. He does that in the church so much he hates what you have. He hates it. But we've been in church world to see sometimes this part. Satan will do anything to divide you. So when it comes to these topics of humility and honor, when you go into that, how do you not become jealous of the fame or the attention one of you is getting because you've got that little whisper in your ear, oh, he's better than you, he's Getting more attention. That insecure partner part riles its. You know, brings its ugly head up. How have you dealt with that?
Speaker 2
Well, I'm going to ask my wife, like, can you speak to when we did get pregnant with Jonathan, just the way ar served you?
Speaker 6
Oh, my gosh, I want to cry. Don't do.
Speaker 7
Yeah, well, the. Such a long. It's so much so intricate of a story. But long story short, I mean, even through our miscarriages, you were there. So we had gone through a couple miscarriages, and we had two miscarriages, pregnant again. And this is. We already had two beautiful kids. So, you know, we. I mean, immediately you were by my side during the pregnancy test. She was there. She was. I didn't want to take the pregnancy test. I didn't. I was nervous that this was gonna, you know, not gonna work again. I literally took the pregnancy test. Brought it to your house, or did I take it at your house? I took it at her house, and she read the results for me and, you know, and told us we're gonna have another baby. And.
Speaker 1
And I've seen this personally. This can erect a relationship when one person gets pregnant. You've been trying to get pregnant, and your friend gets pregnant. And I've seen relationships. It's so painful that I've seen women back out of the situation.
Speaker 2
Yeah.
Speaker 1
How did you not do that?
Speaker 7
Honestly, Arianisi had seen multiple pregnancies throughout our small, small group of friends. I mean, it was like three. Maybe you had seen already, just with our small group of friends.
Speaker 6
It was insane. It was crazy, because I knew you had started. You were trying to get pregnant. You guys were open to having more children. And immediately when I knew that, I was like, lord, please let me get pregnant with Brittany. Please be the greatest thing for us to be pregnant at the same time. And at the time, I had another friend whose name was Brittany as well, who we were really close with, and I was just like, lord, please let me be pregnant with Brittany. Please let me be pregnant with Brittany. Turns out they, too, got pregnant at the same time. And they were the closest females that I had, like, the closest friends that I had, Timmy. And in the midst of, like, infertility, in the sense of, like, not just not getting pregnant, but thinking we're pregnant and not being pregnant, like, the. And not getting answers because we couldn't. Just having bad experiences with doctors and things like that. And so there was a sense of hopelessness in that.
Speaker 3
But, yeah, I mean, has there been a sense ever? I mean, I don't how many years.
Speaker 1
Has this been for you guys to be together?
Speaker 3
Such good friends?
Speaker 7
We said 10.
Speaker 6
Are you guys 10 years?
Speaker 3
And maybe four years?
Speaker 4
Three. Four. Yeah. Four years.
Speaker 3
Yeah. I mean, is there ever been a time where you hang out or whatever, and then you go home and the wife or the husband, you say stuff about the other where it's like, hey, I can't believe she said that. Or, I can't believe you said that. Or has there any ever been, like, this thing and what do you do with it?
Speaker 2
For sure, there's been, I think, discussions that we have had, and I'm sure they have had where it's like, I don't know how that went, but usually after the conversation is gone that way, it's like, so when do we. Are we gonna call them?
Speaker 4
Yeah.
Speaker 7
Sunday on FaceTime.
Speaker 2
Yeah. So, like, literally, we'll just be. It'll be dumb lights. Really dumb. Late at night. Like, we just got away from each. And it's like, I don't know about that. And we like, yo, y' all. Y' all still up? And it's just gotta be a FaceTime. I know.
Speaker 3
So short accounts, man. You don't let.
Speaker 2
Short accounts. I know. Even me and Meech, like, for sure. Like, it's been, like, next day. Like, hey, yo, remember that? Like, yeah. What you think about that? And I think what she said is so good. It always starts with a question, not a statement.
Speaker 4
Yes.
Speaker 2
So. Because I think oftentimes we get furious before we get curious.
Speaker 4
Yes.
Speaker 2
So you build up a whole idea.
Speaker 6
Yeah.
Speaker 2
And you come into the conversation furious. When really, you don't even. You already built a case.
Speaker 4
You built a case.
Speaker 2
You don't even know the context of what happened. And so I think it's really important to be, like, curious before you get furious. Because sometimes you just come in curious with a question. You're like, oh, snap. That's what that was. All right. That helps me out so much. And so I think that's been big. But I also think. I think most of the time, this is way more happen. I go say something that challenges me. I'll be like, what you think about that? And it's more like, yeah, I think you need to lean into that. So that's. That's a lot. That's a lot more our conversation.
Speaker 1
Brittany's like, thank you, Jesus.
Speaker 3
Yes.
Speaker 6
Guys, can we talk about that like this? Like, this is my biggest, like, advice to married people or to women who are married. Find other men who can come around your husband. Because if your husband is in isolation and you, like, then you're in isolation. And when. If Ike is doing something that's like, in our marriage that's kind of, like, funky, I got two men that I can go to like, your boy is tripping, and I need you to talk to him like, or this is going on. Or if I'm tripping, Britney, like, I. Like, this is going on. I said this. Was I messed up? Like, am I crazy? Is this a expectation that I should be having on the Lord and not on Ike? Like, what's going on on. And that's happening. And if I don't understand how marriages within the church who don't have this make it honestly, because these are. These are the people that we depend on. And if you're going through something in your marriage and you're going through it in isolation, now division comes in. Now you can build a narrative against your husband. Now your husband's your enemy. But if you feel like you have a community who's behind you, then that are seeking reconciliation always within each other and with. And. And we, like, we thrive when they thrive. We thrive when he's thriving. You know what I mean? And so we're seeking their thriving. We're not just seeking for them to be. Well, like, for them to be okay. We want them to thrive. And so even as your question about what do we do with, you know, recap. Is the more vocal one vocal, like, the most heard. And because he's gifted, he is amazing. That is what God has called him to do. And we also have this mentality that if he eats, we all eat. And so there's that.
Speaker 4
And so we really, really want him.
Speaker 6
To, like, we want to see the Lord because it's not about us. It's about the Lord. And so the Lord is doing something in recap. And so we celebrate it, we facilitate it, we encourage it. We want to help in any way that we possibly can. And the same. Vice versa. Oh, sorry. Vice versa. And so, like, that doesn't. I'm not saying that the enemy doesn't, like, whisper those things, but. But it's so quickly.
Speaker 1
But you won't let him have a foothold.
Speaker 3
No.
Speaker 6
At all. Because there's love and there's trust, and there's also. We fear the Lord. And it's not about us. It's about us.
Speaker 5
You gotta be honest with yourself as well.
Speaker 6
Yeah.
Speaker 1
What do you mean?
Speaker 2
Yeah?
Speaker 5
He's not just the most known or get the most speaking engagements or something like that. He's the best preacher.
Speaker 6
Yes.
Speaker 5
I'm not. He is. So we want to get behind him. Not only. And when I say best, I do mean he's, like, technically more skilled, but he's anointed to do this.
Speaker 4
Yeah.
Speaker 2
And.
Speaker 3
And you're anointed to do something else.
Speaker 5
Say it again.
Speaker 3
You're anointed to do something else.
Speaker 5
To do something else. And how I've been able to receive that and learn that and. And take ownership is because they told me so. That's what. That whole thing about not having to look for my own honor. They convinced me. No, this is what God has anointed you to do. You have this special thing.
Speaker 3
And I'm guessing they also told you what you're not good at.
Speaker 5
Yeah.
Speaker 3
Vice versa. This is not your lane.
Speaker 2
This is.
Speaker 3
You have a brother or sister that's honest and saying, absolutely. Your mom told you you could sing, but you're going to lose American Idol. You ever see those who are not an American Idol? They're terrible. Like, my mom said I could sing. Yeah. She.
Speaker 2
But, like, the saddest part is, like, that's a show. A game show.
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 2
Think about how often that actually happens in the church where, like, the church's excellence comes down because we. Lying to each other because we're not honest.
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 4
Yeah.
Speaker 2
We're trying to honor. Without honesty, which is just flattery and. No, no, no. Funny, like, because I. I'm. Be serious. They. They will say that. I still think these two dudes are, like, some of the best preachers in the world. And I mean that. But, you know, I think genuinely, like, I think one thing that we came to the table in starting this church is there's part of it intentionality, but part of it is God's sovereignty. So let me. Let me explain that. Like, the intentionality part is, like, what Pastor Ike was saying. Like, yo, just be honest. Be real about who you are. Be real about what other people are. And you might not be able to see yourself best, which is why you need other people to see what's. What's good. So be intentional. Honor what you see. That sister right there is one of. And I'm saying this to anybody who, hearing Adisi's T should be known with the. And I'm saying this for myself, Priscilla sh. And all of those folks. I'm talking about that kind of gifted. Gifted as a. As a communicator of the scriptures. She is nice with it. And I listen to a lot of preaching that's easy to see. Say, easy, easy, easy to say. That's the most brilliant mind when it comes to theology and creativity that I've ever been around. And I've been. I'm pursuing my PhD. I have never, ever in my life. And this is not an exaggeration. I've never in my life been in a classroom and been that blown away like I have with. With. With Ike. He just different. He built different. God has just built. And him, he just different. Yo, and that's why, like, I'm always quick to say, like, no, no, no, no. That was him who started this ain't. That wasn't my mind. I ain't think of Orlando. I was thinking of no Orlando. A care about no Orlando. Like a know nothing about that. No, that. That was him. Like, when it came to the New Creation Fellowship. Why is our church called that? That's him. When it comes to our vision statement, that's him like, that dude. His mind is so stinking brilliant, like, I can't describe it. And this dude next to me, me, was the first guy that I ever came across who had to me, like, you know, there's voices you can respect and there's voices that you like, and there's voices that you got to respect and you like as well. He got all of that. Take his singing ability away today now, and he's still a pastor because he the first dude who was musically gifted but theologically deep, knew that text. I mean, he just quoting the whole Jo. Like, Proverbs, Psalms. He first time we was talking, I knew he was different because he was quoting Zephaniah. I was like, you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 4
Me and Britt are all the first things I learned and.
Speaker 2
And. And my baby, like, people don't know. Like, we, you know, we just made it through Genesis. It was one of our greatest series, I think. Just, you know, it was just beautiful. And every Sunday, I mean, every Saturday, I'm like, babe, all right, yo, this is my outline. What you think? Thinking, because she an Old Testament head. Have you thought about this? Have you thought about this? And that might be one too many illustrations. And it's just like. Like, easy money. When I say she has no desire to play front, she want to play back. She likes back, but she want to play back to the excellent degree. I don't want to just be in the background just sitting there. No, I want to do work back there. Somebody got to be behind the cameras. And, yo, when I say, like, when you see who people are is beautiful. That's intentionality. Here's sovereignty, though. When Ike Came to the church we was in in Philly. God blessed me to be able to pour into him. So part of our story forever is I poured into, to, to Pastor Ike when he became this super genius. Everybody was shocked. I, I, I wasn't though, because I saw something in that dude day one. Now here's the crazy, crazy thing. Like, I could be like, I got one over you because I, I poured into you quickly. Could be that. But that wouldn't be being honest. You're better. You cast vision better. You got more vision. You got way more sight on how this thing's supposed to come together. I don't see it. And I'm going be so unstable. If, if it had been me, this church would be so unstable. The stability to rock stuff. Solid conviction of that brother. And so it's like, it would be foolish for me to be like, just because I want to be the leader now. Think about it though. He's now the vision pastor. So naturally, sovereignty. I got to like, come under that.
Speaker 1
And then here comes, it's like husband, wife, which role's more important?
Speaker 2
Yes, yes.
Speaker 1
They're equally.
Speaker 2
Yes. And then here comes Pastor Meech with his.
Speaker 1
Is he a shepherd?
Speaker 2
Like, way more than us? Like, no, like, way more than us, though.
Speaker 1
Yeah.
Speaker 2
Prophetic.
Speaker 5
This is why it just can't be me. Because nobody would get shepherd.
Speaker 1
No, we don't have that gift either. So I can always feel it when.
Speaker 6
It'S in the room.
Speaker 2
Shepherd, prophetic, administrative, all of those things. God has just blessed him in a, in a tremendous amount of ways. And if I. It would be so foolish for us to be like, well, we was together before. You don't get a voice like, what you better. He's just better.
Speaker 3
I mean, it's crazy what just happened in the last three or four minutes. I'm watching humility, honor, honesty.
Speaker 6
Yeah.
Speaker 3
From what recap just said about everybody in the room, it's just like, wow, there it is. You know, you're able to honor and be humble enough to say they're better. That is something that's really rare actually.
Speaker 6
This isn't just. And I want to say, like, this isn't this speech. We've heard this.
Speaker 4
That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 6
Yeah. So this isn't just because of the podcast. We're not putting this on. And this is like each one of us has this speech, our own version of this speech. Do you know what I mean? And so this isn't cuz we just telling the truth. Exactly. So it's not even A speech.
Speaker 2
It's just telling the truth.
Speaker 5
None of us can do what we each does.
Speaker 3
Okay, let me ask you. There's a lot of people do not have this.
Speaker 1
Oh, and they want it.
Speaker 3
They're watching. They're like, I want that. I've never been able to get that. How do you help them get that? Because I'm guessing people are watching right now and there's some going, I'm in this. It's beautiful. Or I was in it, it got ugly. And now I'm really hurt. Or others are like, I've never experienced what you guys talking about. That's why we're talking about this. We want to help marriages have. You can't do marriage without a community. You guys are mod. But I will say help people that can't find it.
Speaker 1
And just your illustration of your husband becoming better with a good friend. I remember it was my birthday. I think it was my birthday.
Speaker 3
And I don't even know what she's gonna say.
Speaker 1
My best friend's husband is his best friend. So she's like, what did Dave get you for your birthday? I'm like, well, you know, money's tight. And he's tight and. And Rob comes over.
Speaker 3
Can we stop?
Speaker 1
And he says, dude, this is your girl. You go all out for your girl. Like, what do you mean you're gonna get her? Little like something. I don't even remember what. But he's like, on him.
Speaker 4
I'm like, that's what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1
And you changed. I could have said that all day long. But when his brother and his best friend says it. You hear it.
Speaker 3
Yeah. One night, Rob and I are sitting at a high school basketball game of his daughter.
Speaker 1
Yeah.
Speaker 3
All right. And. And he's a. He's a big time college football kicker at Iowa. He's the all time leading scorer. Kicker there. So he's. He's a. He's an athlete.
Speaker 1
And he's intense.
Speaker 3
He's sitting behind and he's intense and sharp. Business guy. And he is going off on this ref so loud. It was embarrassing. I'm like, dude, settle down. Whatever. He just kept going. So after the game, I called him, I said, dude, you were an embarrassment to the kingdom of God. You are an embarrassment as a man of God. You embarrassed your daughter because she'd be looking up and like, dad, settle down. I'm trying to. He wouldn't hear me. And I just felt like I have to be honest. And so I just said, dude, that is not how a Christian man acts. I Mean, I. Yeah, I agree. The ref was terrible, making terrible calls. That's high school sports.
Speaker 6
Get used to it.
Speaker 3
You know, blah, blah, blah. And I'll never forget. He hung up. Didn't really receive it. Hung up. And about an hour later, he called back and he said, thank you, brother. You're right. I was a jerk. I was an idiot. I embarrassed everybody, apologize. I mean, it's just that thing.
Speaker 1
But so how do we get that?
Speaker 3
How do you get that? Because that doesn't happen without intentionality.
Speaker 4
When I was young, the only trans.
Speaker 3
You are young.
Speaker 4
When I was like a baby. Well, funny thing. I'm the oldest of all this, but I'll say, when I was growing up, we only read the King James Version Version. And so there's a lot of King James Version of verses. I remember there was one verse I. I forget where it was, but it said to have to have friends. Show thyself friendly. And I think a lot of times people want something that they are not.
Speaker 1
Yeah.
Speaker 4
And so let the Lord cultivate in you good word. Humility.
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 4
You be a friend, you be a confidant. And then the Lord is just so faithful to reciprocate. And I think oftentimes we try to get things that we are first not. And so, like. Cause there's a lot of work. Like, even my insertion into this friendship group, I had insecurities.
Speaker 1
They let you to the table.
Speaker 4
Yeah, they really did. And they had to be a Letting me in the table, and then I had to actually sit at the table. That's good, because it's like there's insecurities. Oh, we got 10 years and stories in history in Philly, in Iowa.
Speaker 3
And they're married.
Speaker 4
And they're married and all that kind of stuff. We had so many things that I could have easily allowed my insecurities and not had done the work to be able to sit at that table. Which is why I talk to singles, because we are one of the most forgotten people groups in the church, and we actually represent a large percentage of the church. I am a pastor who is single, and so I need. Cause again, we'll say marriages need community. No, I need community. I need to be their children's uncle. I need to. To be like their friends. And I've never felt like the third wheel, which is something that's very important as well. It's like I lived. When I first moved to Florida, I lived with Ike and Aerie, and it was like, I remember kind of the similar story to Arie, his first conversations with me were kind of, like, authoritative. And I was kind of like, this man is bold. When I say, like, I'm single, single, like, single single. By that time, I had been living on my own for almost 20 years. So it's kind of like. It's kind of like I remember him saying, so God called you to Florida? I'm like, yeah, yeah. He was like, so you going to wait in Alabama? Yep, that's what it looks like. Then he was like, well, why don't you wait in Florida? Possibility. Are you going to pray for manna? And then humility. He said, no, I'm offering a bedroom. And then it's like, I got to see Aries, like, hospitality. That reminded me of, like, how I grew up. I grew up with a grandmother that we never had our own house. It's like, people were always there. And how she was even like, have you eaten? Do you have food? I'm kind of like, sis, I've been an adult for, like, 20 years. But no, but, no. I saw that as like. Like, that was. That's my sister. Like, they. And even, like, they didn't hide. It was just like, they were just who they were. Like, I was invited in the actual house. It was like, yeah, they were married. They had their own life and stuff. But I really did feel incorporated. And I have a. I don't have to call and say I'm headed there.
Speaker 2
Yeah.
Speaker 4
With all of them. And that is huge. Like, I just knocked and show up. And that stuff is so important, especially for those of us who are single. We need to see this. Like, I need to be reminded of the selflessness that we see in marriage. And then I would think they would need to be reminded of the sufficiency that's in Christ from a person that don't have the horizontal affirmation. I have it vertically. And there is something to that. I had intimidations with both of them having great father fathers. Like, all of them having. You know, it's like I had those intimidations because my story was not the same, But I had to, like, do the work personally to be able to have a seat at the table. And I've been corrected by them, challenged by them. Hey, you're too independent. You're right. I'm trying to work on it. Little things like that that I think people don't like. It sounds nice and it sounds sweet, and the podcast sounds really cool.
Speaker 3
Cool.
Speaker 4
But, like, the actual work to be in that kind of relationship is the same with Christianity. You have to die. Yes. You have to Pick up your cross and follow the Lord Jesus, even in friendships. And we don't. I think the church is under taught friendship. When Jesus is talking about unity. When he was like that they may be one, like we are one. Pastor Ike said something in one of his sermons that I would never forget.
Speaker 2
So dope.
Speaker 4
He said, can God, can Jesus get his prayer request and answered again. Brilliant. I'm literally that Sunday, I said, h, the Son of God request. And I think us doing the hard work, it's bloodshed, like, it's uncomfortable conversations. One night we had a conversation that was six, seven hours into the midnight hours. Like talking about, what are your insecurities? What are your fears? What are your things?
Speaker 1
So you're real.
Speaker 5
Real.
Speaker 4
We're not hanging out, we're fellowshipping.
Speaker 6
That's.
Speaker 4
Yeah.
Speaker 6
And I was going to say, I think that we as a church, we can kind of this idea of like, well, how do people do this? Like, how do you enter into this relationship? We can over complicate it in a sense, like literally pick somebody and be committed to them. Literally. Because it's, it's pick a couple and you can get into like, well, they don't like the same things that I don't like, or they do things differently or I don't know if I, if, you know, we have kids, they don't have kids. Kids. We didn't have kids for the majority of, of our relationship, all of that. But if you're committed to the relationship, if you are, I'm not leaving this table. Regardless of your messiness in my organization or your lifestyle or whatever or what you like, it doesn't matter because at the end of the day, we know, we see it as Jesus is at work within whatever family unit is that you're. You're anticipating getting into a relationship. And so if Jesus is there, if Jesus is at work, work, however it is that they live their life, they have something that I need in order for me to know Jesus better. Because Jesus is at work in their life in a way that it's not at work in my life. And so therefore I don't care if they like to go to Disney every single weekend and I like to stay at home and read a book. I am willing to enter into that lifestyle because I understand that Jesus and I need that.
Speaker 1
What if, what if those people that like, I want this, but they're not willing to be humble or honest. You know, what if they're not in the. They don't have the three H's humility, honesty, and honor. Yeah. So what if they aren't willing to be honest?
Speaker 4
Yeah.
Speaker 5
Then you don't want to have a fake unity.
Speaker 1
Right. So do you just have that conversation?
Speaker 2
Yeah, I think. I think the beautiful thing is prayer. Like, I talk all the time that, folks, because I. I love the scriptures so much, but I always remind people I am not a disciplined reader. I've always hated reading. God gave me a delight in the scriptures that I did not have.
Speaker 3
Have.
Speaker 2
And if God can grant you something that you don't have in terms of desire, then he can grant you what you don't have in terms of desire. And so this desire for friendship, I think it begins on your knees. Like, Lord, I actually want what they're talking about. Like, I. Like, I actually want that.
Speaker 3
Like, I go get it.
Speaker 2
Like, like. And. And Lord, I show me how to partner with you. And. And running after who you've already placed in front of me. And I. I actually, actually think for most listeners, God already put somebody on your mind and your heart. This is the. The scariest part of prayer, though. You may. Many people already have somebody who they would call friends, but they're hearing this like, this don't sound like us. The scariest thing is, like, why? And I ask the Lord why? And often times it is because you haven't crossed over into the, like, through that awkward barrier where you've had the challenges, each other, and it had to go five hours and you can't leave the table. You haven't. You haven't gone. And those things are intentional. And we could have let it sit, too.
Speaker 6
Oh, yeah.
Speaker 2
We could just let. Be mad and just. Yeah.
Speaker 1
You would prefer to not get into it.
Speaker 2
We got to do it again.
Speaker 4
Y.
Speaker 6
And come up with my own narrative and just sit in my own bitterness and anger.
Speaker 2
Absolutely.
Speaker 6
It feels good. It's righteous. It's great. Like, this isn't. This isn't fun until you're lonely. Until you're lonely. That's good.
Speaker 3
But I mean, in some ways, what I'm hearing is, that's the honesty part, because if you don't go there when you know, you feel it or think it, you're not being honest. You're holding something. Maybe you get in the car and you talk to your wife, and that's not honest because you're talking about some of your best friends, but you're not willing to look them in the eye. The first men's group I trust tried to get in, in Detroit. When I first moved to Detroit, way before you guys were ever Born, I moved to Detroit. The Detroit Lions chaplain. I knew nobody. And I didn't have a church. I didn't. Hadn't started. Five years later, I would start a church. So I was. I knew I need community. We all know that scripturally, you know, And I need men. So I found these guys in this other church that I sort of attended. They meet on whatever. So I go start meeting with three or four, and I was like the whole time. Time, like, I don't think anybody's here is getting really honest. They're just being nice. And you can just. So I'm not kidding. It was like fourth or fifth week, and I still don't know them very well. And I've told this here before, but I remember I walked in and at some point I said, hey. And I think it was like six guys. I said, I gotta be honest with you. I struggled this week with something. And they're like, what's that? I go to Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue came. My wife always gets it before I say see it, and I never see it. And it was in the mailbox, and I opened it up and I looked at it for a minute and I was wrong. And I told my wife, but I just need to say that to you guys, and I am not kidding. The room went like this. Are you kidding me? I'm like, what? You looked at it? Yeah. Not long, but yeah, I did. And that's why I'm saying it. I'm. I shouldn't. I go, you guys, have anybody here ever struggle?
Speaker 2
No.
Speaker 3
Never. We never. Look at that. We would never consider that. I can't believe you. What kind of man are I?
Speaker 1
Back in the day, when the church wasn't honest, this was like.
Speaker 6
Who are these humans?
Speaker 3
Exactly. So I got in the car, I drove home, and I said, that's not my group.
Speaker 7
Yeah.
Speaker 2
Wow.
Speaker 3
You know why I thought they're not being honest? I don't know. Maybe they're perfect men. I'm guessing they were hiding something. And I started. Started looking for other groups. And part of me is like, one of the lessons there was. Sometimes it doesn't work. The first group you find, find it. Because I found my guys. One of them was Rob. One of them was John. One of them was. They were my guys for 30 years. I did all their kids weddings as their pastor. But sometimes it's like, this isn't an honest group and they're not gonna be. They're not gonna go there. So obviously you're talking about an honesty. That's Raw.
Speaker 4
You know, what you just said was actually a great point.
Speaker 3
It's like, did you hear that I said something great.
Speaker 4
It's an amazing point. And I think for. For those of us who are Christians, we can have like a over romanticized view of each other, as if we are not imperfect humans. And sometimes friendships just don't work.
Speaker 3
Yeah. Like sometimes they don't.
Speaker 4
Like I learned. Here's the interesting thing. A lot of my earlier friendship, what we even call failures, I don't even know if it's a failure. It's just life. It's like friendships that I had, I've learned from every single friends I've ever had. And that has been brought into this friendship because again, we bring who we are into the group. And it's like, had I not remembered, like, ooh, last time, Demetrious, you actually stored something in your heart for like three months and it turned into accusation and all of this other kind of stuff. I'm going to take the opportunity to be like, no, we getting this stuff done quick. Because when you hold onto that stuff, our God is so much about truth.
Speaker 1
Don't let the sun go down on your anger. Let the devil have a foothold.
Speaker 4
Absolutely.
Speaker 5
But watch this, watch this. If I have a friendship that doesn't quite work out and I still am carrying bitterness toward them.
Speaker 1
Yeah.
Speaker 5
Now I come to my friends.
Speaker 4
Absolutely.
Speaker 5
And I'm getting things off my chest. And if they support that.
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 5
Then we just. It's all types of division going.
Speaker 3
Now it's gossip.
Speaker 5
Now it's gossip and all. And that's what's creating our friendship. That's not friends.
Speaker 4
That's not friends.
Speaker 6
That is literally like that trauma bondage. Yeah, that's that. Trauma bonding.
Speaker 3
So what do you do with that?
Speaker 1
Yes.
Speaker 5
We gotta check that.
Speaker 3
You've got a thing with somebody.
Speaker 4
So.
Speaker 5
Okay. So I know you gotta get this off your chest to some degree. You have to be human and complain about what? Your frustration.
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 5
So you do it and I listen. All right, cool. Did you talk to him?
Speaker 6
Simple question.
Speaker 5
It's just a simple question.
Speaker 6
I have literally had Pastor Meech tell me you've got two weeks to talk to this person.
Speaker 1
Yeah, I love it.
Speaker 6
Okay.
Speaker 4
Real talk.
Speaker 6
And I had to talk to this person. I vented, I shared. I just. My first. Am I crazy? Like, am I not? You need to go talk to them.
Speaker 5
Yeah.
Speaker 7
Yeah.
Speaker 6
So I humbly obeyed, honored what K. Told me to do, because I trust these individuals.
Speaker 4
That's the key.
Speaker 5
Because most people, or I should say A lot of times, that's the thing. People are unwilling to go to someone and have a conversation.
Speaker 3
It's hard.
Speaker 2
Yeah, it's very hard.
Speaker 3
It can be hard. It can be awkward.
Speaker 5
It can be all the things isolated. It's very easy.
Speaker 4
That's good. Pastor I. And you wouldn't have done that if you didn't care about our sanctification.
Speaker 5
Exactly.
Speaker 4
I care about. We care about each other's holiness. Our. I remember I had some strange stuff going on for a season, and recap was like, yeah, you need to apologize to this person. He literally told me to find a fault. Now, for me, I'm like, my therapist, who I've been with for five years. God bless you so much. He has been very beneficial in this friendship group as well. And they've never met him, but literally, he was telling me, like, demetrius, you have, like, an internal love lawyer. And that's a part of that prophetic stuff. It's either black or white.
Speaker 5
It's right or wrong.
Speaker 4
There's no gray area. Then we go through Genesis. I'm like, there's a lot of gray areas. And I started giving myself nuance. I started giving myself. And then. Because again, that goes back to the point when you start receiving the love of God and his patience, and then you start being patient with yourself. Then you start being patient with other people. When you see. Receive correction from the Lord, you start being honest with yourself, and then you can be that with other people. And recal was like, find fault and just take extreme ownership. I'm like, absolutely not. And then a couple days later, I sent the voice note and was like.
Speaker 2
Oh, it was quicker than that.
Speaker 4
You know, it was quicker than. It was like. Because again, I was like, the evil one would not tell me to do that. Sometimes we got away. The things we hear. Yeah, the evil one. You know, I don't. I didn't have to pray about that.
Speaker 2
That's so good.
Speaker 4
That was. That was literally what the scriptures would say. And it's like, I had to learn that. I remember one time, Brit, we were having a conversation, and it was like we were playing a game, and then the conversation got turned tense. And Brit don't call nobody out. So day she called me out, I was like, sis is right. I'm not even giving her rebuttal because she don't call nobody out.
Speaker 2
She's a silent assassin that silences people. She don't say a lot, but.
Speaker 6
But. And I would also say, like, there's also the. The correction that happens just by living Life with these, with each other. There has been. Yes. Like, there have been times, like, so I just. Being around Brittany, I don't even have to ask. Like, the Lord will convict me on so many things, on how I love my husband and how I even. Even like, parent Lily and her 10 months old, you know, in my patience and my relationship with the Lord and just her being herself, she'll just talk about this missionary that she's listening, that she's reading about and how it's convicted her or how she loves. I have been in a room with her, and all four of her children are crawling all over her, asking for her attention while she's having a conversation with me. And she never loses it. And I'm just like, how. How do you do this? And it's always. It's so convicting. I've seen her submit and love and honor and encourage her husband on so many levels. And I am always convicted. And she doesn't have to open her mouth or say anything. It's just the way she lives her life. The same way. Yeah, that's. That's the mutual discipleship that happens, you know, just being around them. I. He talks about me being a communicator of the word. I wouldn't be that had it not been for the time that I've spent with him. My whole understanding, I come from. From. Now we're going to say bad words, but, you know, I come from egalitarian background and all that kind of stuff, and my understanding of women's roles and gender roles. Meech had spoken such a profound word that broke like a wall for me. And it's just because of being around them. And so it's just living life that has, like, real. Has just changed us and has made us like. That's where a lot of the correction even happens. It's not these. It doesn't have to be these deep conversations. It's just living life, having conversations.
Speaker 3
All right, I've got a question. In fact, it's such a good question. We're gonna make this part of the bonus material. We have people that support family life financially. We call them monthly partners or financial family. Family life partners. It's any amount monthly. But they're in the club. And it's not a club. It's. It's a partner. It's an army.
Speaker 1
It's a family that says, we want to.
Speaker 3
We want to support this. And so if you're not. If you're not supporting us, the podcast ends. Sorry, but you can give $10 right now and you're going to hear this unbelievable question that I just came up with. Now you're like, okay, I want.
Speaker 1
I know, let's jump back in. What could this look like with singles? Because I feel like the conversation so often can go to the married couple, but in the church, what could that look like for a woman to encourage a man or a man to encourage.
Speaker 3
A woman or singles to be a part of something that you're a part of?
Speaker 4
Absolutely.
Speaker 3
This is really rare.
Speaker 4
Ironically, in 2025, that conversation has so much tension just because of what's been going on in our culture, but the purity of it. I've been blessed to have incredible sisters in the faith. I call them my Mary and Marthas, where it's like, I've been encouraged, I've been uplifted, prayed for. And even for me, like, some of my biggest champions are like my sisters, like, Pastor Meech, you're anointed. Like, God has called you to this anointing, done that. Because it. And I think the cross gender friendships are super important, super important in the body of Christ. But we also just gotta have wisdom and boundaries and things that, yeah, impurity. There are things as a single man that I don't even do with my sisters here who I love deeply. They're boundaries. And we don't like that B word. But it's like there are things that we do to. I see it as protecting my sisters and then them protecting me. Like, I remember one of my single friends, the moment she started dating, our friendship changed the moment in a good, healthy way, was what I'm saying, and engaged, married. And I remember when the guy came into the picture, it was almost like you're quoting like this Demetrius a lot, you know, and the thing, the thing was I was like, oh, bro. Like, he and I, now we're brothers. And it's like I sang them, you know, down the aisle and stuff like that. And it's like, it's intentional, it's godly, it's pure. And even to this day, you know, even in this circle, you know, I remember recap one day was like, yo, bro, like, encourage Brit, you know, like, you encourage. And I've gotten to encourage my sisters and all of that kind of stuff, yet with boundaries. And it's not even, even weird amongst them. And we need it. We need cross gender friendships, but we must do so in a godly manner, in a respectful manner. Because I think oftentimes when you do the whole, like, you're fighting for something outside of like, respecting Godly boundaries, That's when it can cross the line.
Speaker 1
Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 6
And I would also add, I'm so sorry because you asked for single ladies in the church and how they can encourage. And this just came to mind. If I shouldn't say this, edit it out, please. Don't date them to salvation. Connect them with somebody. If you see men in the church, motivate and encourage them to be connected instead of you being the connection. We see that just way too much. And so I just felt like I needed to say.
Speaker 2
And to that point, the point I was going to make is, like, since we talked about the idea of submission, like, it's important that we understand that submission isn't a woman thing.
Speaker 6
Yeah.
Speaker 2
Christ submitted himself to the Father and to marriage and, and to his. To his own parents that he created, by the way. So submission isn't like a. A woman thing, otherwise our Messiah wouldn't have done it. And I think far too often we only think of submission as a woman thing, which is why husbands don't know how to pastor their wives into a desire to submit, because we've never done it ourselves. You don't. If you've never had to look a dude in the face who's telling you no, you're not going to go over here, but you're going to go pray for the next two hours. If you never had to, like, hear a dude say, you, I need you to go find fault and, and take ownership of what you. If you've never had to say yes when you wanted to say no to an earthly figure, but you're demanding it out of your wife, you're going to demand it in a different way. But when you've had to do it yourself, and you know what it's like. Like, man, all of us have had men that we've had to say, yo, if they tell me, unless I know it's violating scripture, even if I don't understand it, my yes is on the table because I trust them. That's what submission is. It's an entrusting coming under. And it's like, if you haven't done that yourself, ain't no way you should be leading a woman to do that. So I would say for the brothers, like, nah, don't just let submission be their thing. Like, find some dudes to submit to.
Speaker 1
Because it's not a power trip.
Speaker 2
No, it's not.
Speaker 1
It's a servant's heart.
Speaker 2
And it's something we need. God rigged it to where we need shepherds. And so like, yo, like, I like these brothers. Like, they can tell me no, and I gotta be like, okay, like, that's a crazy thing. And we all got the same swag. Like, nah. Like, nobody gonna tell me nothing. All of us come with. That's all it is.
Speaker 3
Fine.
Speaker 2
But, yeah, I think dudes learning how to submit will, I think, be great help for even the ladies who are coming.
Speaker 3
What a way to end.
Speaker 4
Wow.
Speaker 3
Seriously, thank you. This has been rich. You know what I was thinking how we should end. Why don't you sing us out, man? Be amazing.
Speaker 2
Yes. Always.
Speaker 6
Yes.
Speaker 4
Praise God, from whom all blessings flow Praise him, all creatures here below Praise him above, ye heavenly host Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.
Speaker 3
Man.
Speaker 1
That was so.
Speaker 3
There you go, baby.
Speaker 1
Man, I want to be at your table.
Speaker 2
Jesus.
Speaker 1
Hey, thanks for watching. And if you like this episode, you better like it. Just hit that, like, button, and we'd.
Speaker 3
Like you to subscribe. So all you got to do is go down and hit the subscribe. I can't say the words subscribe. Hit the subscribe button. I don't think I can say.
Speaker 1
Say this word like, and subscribe.
Speaker 3
Look at that. You say it so easy. Subscribe. There he goes.
Featured Offer
Would you partner with us to have 2x the impact on marriages and families in need?
Past Episodes
- 25 Days, 26 Ways to Make This Your Best Christmas Ever
- 25 Questions You're Afraid to Ask
- 31 Days to a Happy Husband
- 40 Lessons from 40 Years
- 40 Years of Faithfulness
- 9 Days to a Better Sex Life - Dave and Ashley Willis
- 9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage
- 936 Pennies
- A Biblical Approach to Early Childhood Discipline
- A Call to Courageous Manhood
- A Christ Centered Wedding
- A Closer Look at Adoption
- A Conversation with Dr. Mark Bailey (Live from NRB 2025): Dr. Mark Bailey
- A Fierce Love
- A Grace Disguised
- A Grace Revealed
- A Guide to Biblical Manhood
- A Lasting Promise
- A Love Restored: Alberto and Debbie Rodriguez
- A Love Story
- A Loving Life
- A New Kind of Freedom
- A Panel Answers Your Questions
- A Positive Life
- A Praying Life
- A Second Love Story
- A Very Special Family
- A Walk in the Market
- A Way With Words
- A Wife's Secret to Happiness
- A Woman's Role
- A Woman's Wisdom
- Abbey Wedgeworth - Raising Godly Kids
- Adopted for Life
- Adorning Your Home For Christmas
- Adult Children of Divorce
- After They Are Yours
- Aggressive Girls
- All In
- All Pro Dad
- Amberly Neese: Jesus and Friendship
- Ambushed by Grace
- America: Turning A Nation to God
- An Unmerited Mercy
- An Untold Love Story
- Anchorman
- Answering Your Kids Toughest Questions
- Answering Your Questions About Parenting
- Applied Masculinity
- Approaching Adolescence: What Your Preteen Needs to Know
- Art of Parenting: What Every Parent Needs
- As Mom: Q & A with Barbara Rainey
- Ashamed No More
- Ashlee Gadd: Create Anyway
- Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome
- Back to School Tips with Barbara
- Bad Dads of the Bible
- Barbara and Susan's Guide to the Empty Nest
- Barbara Rainey on Gratitude
- Be the Mom
- Beautiful Mess
- Beautiful Nate
- Beautiful Womanhood: A Biblical, Practical Guide for Wives
- Beauty by God's Design
- Becoming a Four Pillar Man
- Becoming a HomeBuilder
- Becoming a Spiritually Strong Family
- Becoming a True Woman While I Still Have a Curfew
- Becoming Mom Strong
- Before You Hit Send
- Before-You-Marry Questions
- Begin Again, Believe Again
- Behold the Lamb
- Beyond Bath Time
- Beyond Ordinary
- Bible Study in the 21st Century
- Big Truths for Young Hearts
- Birth to Five
- Blair and Shai Linne: Finding My Father
- Blame It on the Brain
- Blended Family Ministry in the Church
- Bond of Brothers
- Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy
- Boys Should Be Boys
- Brant Hansen: Fatherhood and Forgiveness
- Brant Hansen: The Young Men We Need
- Brave is the New Beautiful
- Breaking Free With Max
- Breathe
- Brian & Jen Goins: The Science Behind a Happy Marriage
- Bringing the Gospel Home
- Building a Big House of Hope
- Called to Adopt
- Caring for Carol
- Caring for Orphans
- Castaway Kid
- Celebrating Christ at Christmas
- Celebrating Recovery
- Chad & Emily Van Dixhoorn: Gospel-Shaped Marriage
- Choosing Gratitude
- Choosing to SEE
- Chris Singleton: Your Life Matters
- Christmas Q&A with Dennis and Barbara Rainey
- Christopher Cook - Healing What You Can't Erase
- Cleaning House
- Close Kids: Connect Your Children for Life
- College Life 101
- College Ready
- Collin Outerbridge: Modern Romance
- Common Blessings, Familiar Miracles
- Compassion Without Compromise
- Confessions of a Boy Crazy Girl
- Co-Parenting Works
- Counter Culture
- Couples in the Bible
- Courageous
- Cover Her
- Crosstalk: Where Life and Scriptures Meet
- Cupidity: 50 Stupid Things People Do for Love
- Daddy Daughter Dates
- Date Your Wife
- Dating & Marriage Advice: Allen & Jennifer Parr
- Dating and the Single Parent
- Debra Fileta: The Art of Soul Care
- Defending Your Marriage
- Depression: A Stubborn Darkness
- Die Young
- Discovering a Lifelong Love
- Do Christians Have it Wrong on Sexuality?
- Don Everts: What's it Look Like to Love My Community?
- Don't Let Me Go
- Don't Waste Your Life
- Dr. Lee Warren: Rewiring Your Heart and Mind
- Eight Important Money Decisions
- Elevating Easter
- Embezzlement
- End the Stalemate: Tim Muehlhoff & Sean McDowell
- Engaging the Culture
- Enhancing Your Marriage
- Enter the Ring
- Entertaining for Eternity
- Everyone a Chance to Hear
- Everything Sad is Untrue: Daniel Nayeri
- Experience God as Your Provider
- Facing the Blitz
- Faith Legacy
- Faithful Families
- Family I.D.
- Family Shepherds
- Fashioned by Faith
- Father Hunger
- Fear to Freedom
- Fearless
- Feelings and Faith
- Fierce Women
- Fight For Love after Porn: Rosie Makinney
- Finding Help for Your Troubled Teen
- Finding Holiness in Intimacy
- Finding New Life and Love in Christ
- First Time Dad
- Firsthand
- Five Days to a New Marriage
- Five Guidelines for a Successful Marriage
- Five Mere Christians - Jordan Raynor
- Flight Plan
- For Men and Women Only
- For Parents Only
- For the Love of Christ
- Forgiving Our Fathers and Mothers
- Forgotten God
- Four Pillars of Step-Parenting Success
- From Fear to Freedom
- From Santa to Sexting
- Gay Girl, Good God
- Generation Ex Christian
- Gentle and Lowly
- Get Lost
- Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help It Happen
- Get Outta My Face
- Getting Away to Get It Together
- Girl Defined
- Girls Gone Wise
- Glimpses of Grace
- Glorious Mess
- Glory Days
- God At Work Around The World
- God is Enough
- God Is So Good
- God Less America
- God Talk at the Mall
- God Who’s Over It, God Who’s In It: Rechab & Brittany Gray
- God’s Very Good Design
- Gods at War
- God's Plan for Marital Intimacy
- Goffs/Millers - Healthy Habits for Happy Marriages
- Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Lysa TerKeurst
- Good Mood, Bad Mood
- Good Pictures, Bad Pictures
- Gospel Centered Mom
- Grace Filled Marriage
- Grace: More Than We Deserve
- Granny Camp
- Grieving a Suicide
- Growing Older without Growing Old: Dennis & Barbara Rainey
- Growing Together in Courage
- Growing Together in Forgiveness
- Growing Together in Gratitude
- Growing Together in Truth
- Having a Marriage Without Regrets
- He Is Enough
- He Is the Stability of Our Times
- Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken
- Healthy Intimacy: Dave & Ashley Willis
- Heavenward: Cameron Cole
- Hedges: Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It
- Help For Anxiety in Parenting: David & Meg Robbins
- Help Wanted: Moms Raising Daughters
- Helping Orphans With Special Needs
- Helping Others Build Strong Marriages
- Helping the Hurting
- Hero: Unleashing God's Power in a Man's Heart
- Hidden Joy
- High Performance Friendships
- Holy Is The Day
- Home: A Man's Battle Station
- Homeless Men Stepping Up
- Hooked
- Hope After Betrayal
- How Do I Love Thee?
- How Empty is Your Nest?
- How Pinterest Stole Christmas
- How to Break the Cycle of Divorce
- How to Listen So Your Kids Will Talk: Becky Harling
- How to Pick a Spouse
- How We Love
- Hymns for a Child's Heart
- Hymns in the Modern Day Church
- I Beg to Differ
- I Do Again
- I Like Giving: The Transforming Power of a Generous Life: Brad Formsma
- I Still Believe
- I Take You
- I Will Carry You
- If God Is Good
- If I Could Do It Again
- If My Husband Would Change...
- I'm Happy For You, Not Really
- I'm Not Good Enough
- Image Restored: Rachael Gilbert
- In a Heartbeat
- Independence Day
- Indivisible
- In-Laws, Mates, and Money
- Instructing a Child’s Heart
- Internet Safety 101
- Interviewing Your Daughter's Date
- Introducing Athletes to Jesus
- Is It My Fault?
- Is Your Marriage LifeReady?
- It Starts at Home
- It's All About Love
- Jackhammered
- Jeremiah Johnston: Unleashing Peace
- Jerrad Lopes - How to Become a Great Dad
- Jesus Continued
- Jill's House
- Joy to the World
- Jumping Through Fires
- Just a Minute
- Just Say the Word
- Just Too Busy
- Kathy Koch: How to Parent Differently
- Katie Davis Majors: Safe All Along
- Keeping the "Little" in Your Girl
- Kevin "KB" Burgess & Ameen Hudson: Dangerous Jesus
- Kiss Me Again
- Kisses From Katie
- Knowing God's Will for Marriage
- Kristen Hatton - Parenting Ahead
- Lasting Love
- Leaving a Legacy of Destiny
- Letters to My Daughters
- Letting Go of Control
- Liberating Submission
- Lies Men Believe
- Life in Spite of Me
- Listener Tributes
- Living on the Edge
- Living with Less So Your Family Has More
- Locking Arms, Stepping Up
- Loneliness: Don't Hate It or Waste It: Steve & Jennifer DeWitt
- Long Story Short
- Love is an Attitude
- Love Is Something You Do
- Love Like You Mean It
- Love Like You Mean It 2025
- Love Renewed After Shattered Dreams
- Love Renewed: Adam and Laura Brown
- Love Renewed: Clint and Penny Bragg
- Love Renewed: Hans and Star Molegraaf
- Love Renewed: Lance and Jess Miller
- Love Renewed: Scott and Sherry Jennings
- Love Thy Body
- Love to Eat, Hate to Eat
- Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships
- Loving the Little Years
- Loving the Way Jesus Loves
- Loving Your Man Without Losing Your Mind
- Making Love Last
- Man Alive
- Manhood
- Mansfield's Manly Men
- Marking Memorable Moments
- Marriage and Family for God's Glory
- Marriage Forecasting
- Marriage Matters
- Marriage Tested in the Furnace
- Marriage Undercover
- Married to an Unbeliever
- Marry Well
- Mastering the Money Basics
- Mean Mom's Guide to Raising Great Kids
- Measure of Success
- Melissa Kruger: Parenting with Hope
- Men and Women: Enjoying the Difference
- Michael & Lauren McAffee: Beyond Our Control
- Michael Kruger: Surviving Religion
- Miller/Hudson: Sleeping On It
- Mingling of Souls
- Misled: 7 Lies That Distort the Gospel: Allen Parr
- Money and Marriage God's Way
- Money Saving Families
- Moral Purity in Marriage
- More Than A Carpenter (updated): Sean McDowell
- More Than a Wedding: A Closer Look
- More than Championships
- Moving from Fear to Freedom
- MWB Reaction: Collin and Stacey Outerbridge, Joseph Torres, Anna Markham
- My Life as a So-Called Submissive Wife
- October Baby
- On Pills and Needles
- One of Us Must Be Crazy
- One With My Lord: Sam Allberry
- Oops, I Forgot My Wife and Kids!
- Organic Mentoring
- Orphan Justice
- Our Adoption Story
- Out of a Far Country
- Out of the Depths
- Overcoming Emotions that Destroy
- Overcoming Lust
- Parent Fuel: For the Fire Inside Our Kids
- Parenting Beyond Your Capacity
- Parenting by Design
- Parenting Heart to Heart
- Parenting is Your Highest Calling and Other Parenting Myths
- Parenting Panic: David & Meg Robbins
- Parenting With Kingdom Purpose
- Partner as First Priority: Ron Deal and Gayla Grace
- Picking Up the Pieces
- Planning for Oneness
- Planting Scripture Seeds
- Playing Hurt
- Politics--According to the Bible
- Practicing Affirmation
- Pray Big for Your Family
- Praying With Jesus
- Preach the Whole Gospel
- Preston and Jackie Hill Perry: Beyond the Vows
- Preston Perry: How To Tell the Truth
- Psalm 127
- Pure Eyes, Clean Heart
- Pure Pleasure
- Put the Seat Down
- Putting Christ Back in Christmas
- Putting Your Parents in Proper Perspective
- Raising Emotionally Healthy Boys: David Thomas
- Raising Emotionally Strong Boys - David Thomas
- Raising Unselfish Children
- Reaching Out to the Orphan
- Real Moms, Real Jesus
- Rebooting Christmas
- Rebuilding a Safe House
- Reclaiming Easter
- Reflecting on Twenty Years
- Reflections of Life: A Personal Visit With Bill Bright
- Refreshment for Families
- Rekindling the Family Reformation
- Rekindling the Romance in Your Marriage
- Relationships Done Right: Sean Perron and Spencer Harmon
- Remarriage After Loss: Ron Deal and Rod & Rachel Faulkner Brown
- Reset: Powerful Habits to Change Your Life: Debra Fileta
- Respectable Sins
- Restore the Table - Ryan Rush
- Rethinking Sexuality
- Rich in Love
- Richer by the Dozen - Bill and Pam Mutz
- Rid of My Disgrace
- Road Trip to Redemption
- Romance for Dummies
- Romance in the Rain
- Ron and Nan Deal: Mindful Marriage
- Runaway Emotions
- Ruth Chou Simons: Now and Not Yet
- Ruth Chou Simons: When Strivings Cease
- Sacred Home: Jennifer Pepito
- Sacred Influence
- Sam Allberry - Gospel Sanity in a Weary World
- Same Sex Marriage
- Say Goodbye to Survival Mode
- Say it Loud!
- Screens and Teens
- Season of Change
- Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert
- Secrets
- Seeing the Power of God Among Us
- Set-Apart Femininity
- Setting Up Stones
- Seven Reasons Why God Created Marriage
- Sex and Money
- Sex and the Single Christian Girl
- Sex and the Single Girl
- Sex, Dating and Relationships
- Sexual Problems in Marriage
- Sexual Sanity for Men
- Sexual Sanity for Women
- Shame Interrupted
- Sharing Christ with Word and Deed
- Sharing the Love and Laughter
- Shattered
- She Still Calls Me Daddy
- Shelterwood
- She's Got the Wrong Guy
- Shift: Building a Spiritual Legacy for the Next Generation
- Simple Truths
- Single and Free to be Me
- Singleness Redefined
- Sis, Take a Breath: Kirsten & Benjamin Watson
- Six Conversations in an Isolated World: Heather Holleman
- Sleeping Giant
- Smart Phones for Smart Families
- So You're About to Be a Teenager
- Something About Us
- SOS: Sick of Sex
- Soul Surfer
- Speak Life to Your Husband When You Want to Yell at Him - Ann Wilson
- Speaking Your Spouse's Love Language
- Special Kids with Special Needs
- Spiritual Life Coaching
- Spiritually Single Moms
- Start Your Family
- Starting Your Marriage Right
- Stay at Home Dads
- Stay-at-Home Dads: A Passing Fad or a Choice That's Here to Stay?
- Step Parenting Wisdom
- Stepfamilies and Holidays
- Stepfamily: Blender or Crockpot
- Stepping Up
- Stepping Up to Manhood
- Steps to Manhood
- Stories Behind the Great Songs and Traditions of Christmas
- Strength in Softness: Redefining Success for Women - Allen and Jennifer Parr
- Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters
- Stuart Scott: When Children Lose Their Faith
- Stumbling Souls: Is Love Enough?
- Surprise Child
- Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriage
- Surrender
- Symphony in the Dark
- Talking Smack
- Tea Parties With a Purpose
- Teaching Generosity to Your Family
- Teammates in Marriage
- Tech Savvy Parenting
- Technical Virginity
- Ten Questions Every Husband Should Ask His Wife
- Ten Urgent Steps for Spiritually Healthy Families
- Teresa Whiting: Overcoming Shame
- The "Anything" Prayer
- The 10 Habits of Happy Moms
- The 7 Hardest Things God Asks a Woman to Do
- The Accidental Feminist
- The Anatomy of an Affair: Dave Carder
- The Art of Effective Prayer
- The Art of Parenting: Identity
- The Art of Parenting: Mission and Releasing
- The Art of Parenting: What Kids Need
- The Best Gifts for Wives and Husbands
- The Book of Man
- The Bullying Breakthrough
- The Busy Mom's Guide to Romance
- The Christian Lover
- The Color of Rain
- The Complex World of a Blended Family
- The Connected Child
- The Controlling Husband
- The Creator’s Guide to Marital Intimacy
- The Dad I Wish I Had
- The Dark Hole of Depression
- The Dating Manifesto
- The Early Seasons of a Woman's Life
- The Emotionally Destructive Relationship
- The Enticement of the Forbidden
- The First Few Years of Marriage
- The Forgotten Commandment
- The Fruitful Wife
- The Gentlemen's Society
- The Good Dad
- The Good News About Injustice
- The Gospel Comes With a House Key
- The Grace Marriage: Brad & Marilyn Rhoads
- The Grace of Gratitude
- The Heart of Jesus: How He Really Feels About You: Dane Ortlund
- The Jesus Storybook Bible
- The King of Kings
- The Leader's Code
- The Life Ready Woman: Thriving in a Do-It-All World
- The Love Dare for Parents
- The Marriage Prayer
- The Masculine Mandate: God’s Calling to Men
- The Missional Marriage
- The Mission-Minded Family
- The Mother-Daughter Duet
- The Mystery of Intimacy in Marriage
- The National Bible Bee 2009 Winners
- The Neighborhood Café
- The New Passport to Purity
- The Passionate Mom
- The Pastor's Kid
- The Person Called You
- The Poverty of Nations
- The Power of A Wife's Affirmation
- The Power of God's Names
- The Power of New Covenant Love
- The Profound Power of a Legacy
- The Protectors
- The Realities of Remarriage
- The Refuge of Faith
- The Reluctant Entertainer
- The Resolution for Women
- The Respect Dare
- The Ring Makes All the Difference
- The Road to Kaeluma - Landon Hawley and Perry Wilson
- The Sacred Search
- The Season of Gratitude
- The Second-Half Adventure
- The Secret Life of a Fool
- The Secret of Contentment
- The Shepherd Leader at Home
- The Smart Stepdad
- The Smart Stepmom
- The Soul of Modesty
- The Sticky Faith Guide
- The Toxic War on Masculinity: Nancy Pearcey
- The Unveiled Wife
- The Upside Down Marriage
- The Very First Christmas
- The World's Largest Neighborhood Easter Egg Hunt
- Things That Go Bump in the Night
- Things We've Learned from Dennis and Barbara Rainey
- This Changes Everything
- This Is My Destiny
- Three Essentials for Every Married Woman
- Three Gospel Resolutions
- Three Marks of A Covenant Keeper
- Thriving at College
- Tips for Smart Stepoms
- To Have and To Hold: Tommy Nelson
- To Own a Dragon
- Tongue Pierced
- Transcending Mysteries
- Transformed
- Treasures in the Dark
- Treat Me Like a Customer
- Trent Griffith: Do You Hear What I Hear?
- True Success: A Personal Visit With John Wooden
- Trusting God While Treating Cancer
- Turn Around at Home
- Turning Your Heart Toward Your Children
- Twenty-Five Ways to Lead Your Family Spiritually
- Two Hearts Praying as One
- Undaunted
- Undefiled
- Understanding and Honoring Your Wife
- Understanding Your Child’s Bent
- Unfavorable Odds
- United
- Unraveling the Messiah Mystery
- Unshaken
- Upon Waking: Jackie Hill Perry
- Waiting for His Heart
- Walking by Faith, Not by Sight
- War of Words
- Warrior in Pink
- Water From a Deep Well
- We Still Do: Michael and Cindy Easley
- Weekend to Remember Getaway Sampler
- Wellness for the Glory of God
- We're in the Money ... Now What?
- What Did You Expect?
- What Do You Think of Me?
- What Does the Bible Say About Homosexuality?
- What Every Husband and Wife Needs to Know
- What God Wants for Christmas
- What He Must Be
- What Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew About Men
- What I Want My Children to Know
- What If Parenting Is the Most Important Job in the World?
- What is the Meaning of Sex
- What To Do About Motherhood Guilt: Maggie Combs
- What's in the Bible?
- Whats's Best for Children
- When Faith Disappoints: Lisa Victoria Fields
- When Sinners Say 'I Do'
- When Sorry Isn't Enough
- When the Bottom Drops Out
- When the Hurt Runs Deep
- When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography
- Why Do We Call It Christmas?
- Why God is Enough
- Why I Didn't Rebel
- Winning the Drug War at Home
- Winsome Persuasion
- Women of the Word
- Woodlawn
- Word Versus Deed
- You and Me Forever
- You Are Not Who You Used to Be
- You Are Redeemed: Nana Dolce
- You Are Still a Mother - Jackie Gibson
- You Paid How Much for That?
- Your Child and the Autism Spectrum
- Your Interculturual Marriage
- Your Kids at Risk
- Your Marriage Matters
- Your Marriage Today and Tomorrow
- Your Mate: God's Perfect Gift
- Your Presence Matters
- Your Stepfamily: Standing Strong
Featured Offer
Would you partner with us to have 2x the impact on marriages and families in need?
About FamilyLife Today®
FamilyLife Today® is an award-winning podcast featuring fun, engaging conversations that help families grow together with Jesus while pursuing the relationships that matter most. Hosted by Dave and Ann Wilson, new episodes air every Tuesday and Thursday.
About Dave and Ann Wilson
Dave and Ann have been married for more than 40 years and have spent the last 35 teaching and mentoring couples and parents across the country. They have been featured speakers at FamilyLife’s Weekend to Remember® since 1993, and have also hosted their own marriage conferences across the country.
Dave and Ann helped plant Kensington Community Church in Detroit, Michigan where they served together in ministry for more than three decades, wrapping up their time at Kensington in 2020.
The Wilsons are the creative force behind DVD teaching series Rock Your Marriage and The Survival Guide To Parenting, as well as authors of the recently released books Vertical Marriage (Zondervan, 2019) and No Perfect Parents (Zondervan, 2021).
Dave is a graduate of the International School of Theology, where he received a Master of Divinity degree. A Ball State University Hall of Fame Quarterback, Dave served the Detroit Lions as Chaplain for thirty-three years. Ann attended the University of Kentucky. She has been active with Dave in ministry as a speaker, writer, small group leader, and mentor to countless women.
The Wilsons live in the Detroit area. They have three grown sons, CJ, Austin, and Cody, three daughters-in-law, and a growing number of grandchildren.
Contact FamilyLife Today® with Dave and Ann Wilson
email@familylife.com
http://www.familylife.com/
Mailing Address
FamilyLife ®
100 Lake Hart Drive
Orlando FL 32832
Telephone Number
1-800-FL-TODAY
(1-800-358-6329)
Social Media
Twitter: @familylifetoday
Facebook: @familylifeministry
Instagram: @familylifeinsta