FamilyLife Today®

Speaker 1

So we thought today could be the five things. Husbands. Okay, this could be men, but husbands should not do or say during that time of the month.

Speaker 2

Men, this is our gift to you. Like, you might have wanted to check out, but you need to check in.

Speaker 1

Right?

Speaker 3

Right.

Speaker 2

So today we're going to talk about something. I'm guessing Dennis and I'm guessing Dennis Rainey and Bob Lapine. Eh, I don't think they talked about this.

Speaker 1

You know what? I don't think I'm gonna talk about it either. I think I'm gonna go watch ESPN or something.

Speaker 2

This is really a good topic. Many of you, you're gonna be so thankful we're talking about this.

Speaker 1

Go ahead, tell them what it is.

Speaker 2

The book is called.

Speaker 1

No, no, don't tell them the book title yet. Tell them what the topic is.

Speaker 2

The topic is pms.

Speaker 1

Okay, there you go. Keep going there, folks.

Speaker 2

And I'm just gonna tell. Every woman just said, oh, good. Thank you for being honest and real for you men that you might be thinking, I'm checking out right now. No, like, you have wives, daughters, sisters. This is a thing, man.

Speaker 1

Yeah. Ann and Sherry are going to have a great conversation.

Speaker 2

Let me tell you the name of this book because the title is classic and wonderful.

Speaker 1

I wish I had written a book with this title.

Speaker 2

I want to punch you in the face. But I love Jesus by Sherry Lynn.

Speaker 1

And we have the puncher in the face woman.

Speaker 2

Welcome to family life.

Speaker 3

Thank you so much. I'm so grateful to be here.

Speaker 1

I gotta ask you, though, seriously, where'd this title come from?

Speaker 3

Experience saying that in my head. And then when I said to publishers what it was, they were like, well, we can't publish that. I said, it's I want to punch you in the face, but not.

Speaker 2

And. Right.

Speaker 3

You know what I mean? Yes. But I'm not going to do it because of Jesus. But I do want to do it. And I think that women can relate to it. I know they can. And so I thought, well, I'll write the book that I needed when I was 22.

Speaker 2

There you go.

Speaker 3

Yeah.

Speaker 2

Do you think a lot of women need this book? You're a communicator.

Speaker 3

Yeah. You do.

Speaker 2

Well, first of all, tell us what you do do.

Speaker 3

I am on the radio and have a podcast with Brent Hanson. And so I produce the Brent Hanson show and co host. And then we also have the Brent and Sherry Oddcast, and I produce that and co host that as well.

Speaker 1

Yeah. And one of the things you said in the book is that in the Intro. Really? That when you talked about this on the Brant and Sherry, was it on the Outcast?

Speaker 3

It was on the radio. But before we did it, the way it came about was we were sitting in a meeting, a show prep meeting. And you guys know what that's like. We're trying to figure out what you're going to talk about.

I had a co-worker that was in that room with us, and she was eating yogurt and she was scraping the container, and it was that calendar time of the month, and that's all I could hear. She would scrape three times and slurp.

And so Brandt is talking to me. And ladies, let's be honest. You know what I'm talking about. There are certain things. You're heightened. Everything is heightened. Why is that happening? Why is this good?

Speaker 2

Why?

Speaker 3

Why are you doing that? And I was heightened and I couldn't focus on him. And I heard, scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape. And I was like, I don't know how not to kill her. I know now I didn't, guys. So if you're listening, like, oh, my goodness, I didn't. But inside, that's what I felt.

And so he's talking and he said, is there anything that you want to talk about? And I said, Every 28 days, I want to kill people. And he stopped. And you have to know my co-host, he's on the spectrum.

Speaker 2

We've had him on several times.

Speaker 3

He's very straight laced. So I said that. And he goes, anyone specific? He was hoping it wasn't him.

And then we started talking about it and he was like, well, let's get on the air and talk about it. And I was like, how do we do that? And we figured it out.

And when we talked about it, the lines never stopped ringing, really. Women saying thank you. Because I started to realize this is not something we talk about in church culture.

Speaker 2

Well, it's interesting, too, because you went to publishers to get your book published.

Speaker 3

But they would not do it. Now, every publisher, every single one, said, it is funny, it is well written, it will connect. I can't do it. And it was because. And I understood it was.

One agent told me, it's too Christian for secular and it's too secular for Christ. But I think what he meant was, it had a realness to it. I mean, I talk about things that happen to me during this time of the month. I'm not blaming the time of the month other than to say it is a factor and we should talk about it.

Speaker 2

Yes.

Speaker 3

And I talk about, you know, being in a parking lot at Walmart and, you know, having some really choice words. And you guys think about what those words were that I chose in the Walmart parking lot. Many of you have chosen those words in the Walmart parking lot and ask God to forgive you after.

And I get it, right. I talk about that and then just feeling so empty after I did that and feeling shame. That is so good. Shame. That's what the enemy will do with.

Speaker 2

Darkness and say, like, what kind of a Christian are you? I thought you were a believer. You were walking in the power of the Holy Spirit. What is that?

Speaker 3

Right. And that's what was happening to me in my 20s, and I felt like I was backsliding every 28 days until I realized it was a cycle.

And what that does is allow me to say something chemically is happening to me. And so do I have to pay attention more? Yes. Do I have to press my way to Jesus like that woman with the issue of blood did? Yes.

But at least now I can acknowledge this is not a barometer on my spiritual walk with God. This is me as a woman.

Speaker 2

And it doesn't make excuses for you to sin. Like, you're not saying it's okay to sin.

Speaker 3

No, I'm not. In fact, there are a few things in the Bible, like women that I talk about in the Bible that I think may have been PMSing.

And I talk about Jezebel, and I talk about how if we let this part, if we let it be an excuse, every 28 days, I am going to turn into the Hulk, because that's what I say.

This is.

Speaker 1

Yeah, you said that.

Speaker 3

Yeah, yeah, I turn into the Hulk. I do. I'm turning colors. My hair is all over my head. I can't fit my clothes. I am wearing green today, so everybody be careful.

But if I'm going to let that happen every 28 days and let carnage be here, just go off, no apology, no explanation, and communication, you know, it's not a good time for me right now, but I'm just going to flip out every time.

Then that's actually who you turn into, so whatever you are at that moment is really what you become. So you are still responsible for the Holy Spirit working in your life during that time. It's just acknowledging that it's a little harder right now and being okay saying that.

Speaker 2

Yeah, it's. You know, and I wish I have three sons, and this one, you actually have four.

Speaker 1

The other one's sitting right there.

Speaker 2

I didn't Struggle with this too much. My mood swings weren't too bad. Maybe you think they are, Dave, or they were.

Speaker 1

Well, I mean, part of me is like, I'm glad men are listening because this is educational.

Speaker 2

That's what I was going to say.

Speaker 1

We do not understand.

Speaker 2

Our sons got married and they came to me and they're like, "Why didn't you talk to us about this?"

Yeah, because this is a thing in our homes at this time of month. And it's hard, like, what's happening?

And I wish my... Shoot, I wish I would have talked to them about that more.

Speaker 3

Well, I was talking to men. I have a chapter where I interviewed husbands and said, you know, what do you go through during this time? And I did that because a friend of mine said, well, gosh, it's so she turns into a different person. And it's so hard to deal with that time because it's like she's not my wife anymore. It's like she hates me. It's like I can't do anything right. It's like she. Every little thing just breathing gets on her nerves. And I said to him, if you hate having to live with the quote, unquote monster, as he put it, during that time, imagine turning into it. Imagine knowing that it's coming. Imagine there's not really anything that can stop it from coming. And it's. And it's gonna happen again in 28 days. Just think about that. And women like me, who have, you know, maybe other issues that contribute to. Is really just, gosh, laying before God, saying, please help me, my tongue. And so I had this whole thing, this list of things that women should do. I call it my pms, you know, regimen, so that you can help. And one of the things is say as few words as possible. I learned that.

Speaker 2

Yeah, Scripture says that.

Speaker 3

Yes, it does. And that's what I mean. Like, now it's going to be harder. During this time, I don't get a pass because something chemically is happening. God knew that when scripture was written, there's no asterisk saying every 28 days. Sherry, you go for it. Let him have it, girl. He doesn't do that. But it's going to be harder.

And I had to learn. Be quiet because you are going to have to pay for all of this. All of these words is just. But that agitation kind of growing in you. It really is a spiritual discipline. It really is. It is fruit of the spirit. It has to be the spirit, because just me and myself, I said, even the eye rolling is too much. My face can show something that my words may not be saying. Right?

And the issue was I didn't want to cause problems with people that I love and then have to clean that up every month. Because that's what was happening. Right? Just rampage cleanup, rampage cleanup. I don't want to have to do that. I want to give the Holy Spirit license to move in every area of my life. He knows this is happening to me and he's there to help. But it's okay to say it.

Speaker 2

And you have a name for it?

Speaker 3

Yeah. Patty. Patty Sinclair. Michelle. I'm sorry. Patty Mc. Patty Michelle Sinclair, which is PMS. And that I needed a character when I went to write this. I've only written live stage plays and screenplays and stuff. So I was like, I don't have a character. I don't know how to write without a character.

And then I thought, well, PMS, Patti Michelle Sinclair. Perfect. It just worked. And now I can't tell you how many women, when we go out to do live things, we're like, Patti. Hey, Patty. Like people. Patti, Michelle. Patti.

And I know it's a sisterhood now. I'm like, I know exactly what you're saying. Patti, Michelle. We're in the same boat. We understand each other. But I made that so that it could be a through line through the whole book.

Speaker 2

That's good.

Speaker 3

Yeah.

Speaker 2

So number one, don't say so much. Quiet. Yes, Stay quiet.

Speaker 3

Stay quiet. No rolling of the eyes. Remind yourself everyone is not a moron. Because I think I might have it. Maybe I should.

Speaker 1

I've got that.

Speaker 3

Dave's got Patrick.

Speaker 2

Your children and spouse are not your enemies.

Speaker 3

Yes, exactly. You have to. Because something happens that just. It's. Everything is kind of agitating. Right.

Speaker 2

Let's talk about what is happening. Talk about that. You probably studied it.

Speaker 3

I did. It's. There is a. It's hormonal. There are certain things that are lower, certain things that are heightened. And if you have like pre-existing conditions, as I do, I have endometriosis and other things that your body is just going through this chemical change. And it is so difficult to separate that from your attitude. But the Holy Spirit is there to help me. That's what I had to know.

One of the. I put this in the book. The editor that I use suggested against it, but I said this actually happened. I was in church. I was a youth minister. I had an intern, so to speak. She wasn't really an intern, but she was a young adult that was helping me. And she was so. She was obnoxious. Guys, I don't know how else to say it. She was obnoxious on a not calendar day, let alone during Patti Michelle Sinclair.

I always had trouble dealing with her. But it was during that time, and I knew that I was going to be seeing red. I did everything I thought, like, you know, pray, Jesus, please help me. But that time, I still remember it. It's gut-wrenching because when you fail, you know what I mean? And you know, you failed God, but it was just such rage. We were sitting in the room with the young people.

Speaker 1

Oh, no, there were others.

Speaker 3

No. Yeah, it was the whole youth group. Was there other leaders? And she had started her. That kind of just knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit. And you don't know. And you ain't never.

Speaker 2

And you ain't. And you, you.

Speaker 3

And you can't see me, but I'm like rolling my head in a very Shaniqua fashion and so.

Speaker 1

Rolling your head.

Speaker 3

Yeah, yeah. And I could. And it was just going to my core. And women, please hear me. And I understand this is hard to talk about in Christian dumb quote unquote. Because we try to pretend like this doesn't happen. Not me. I immediately went to the Lord and said to him, God, help me. And he did it.

And I had said peace and angels came and they flew around me and I felt gold dust in the air to signify the cherubims. Okay, great for you. I lost it. So she. And when I lost, I could feel myself losing it. So I went to leave.

And when I went to get. Yes. But when I got to the door, guys, the pastor, who was also my uncle, who I adore with all of my heart, did what he thought was right, which was, we need to resolve this. Right? So he stopped me.

Speaker 2

And you were trying. You were trying.

Speaker 3

I was trying. I was trying to say less and leave. And he stopped me. And when he stopped me, I don't know what that was. I don't know what it triggered, but the next memory I have is I'm in the parking lot of the church and I can see the ground and I hear blood curdling, screaming. I'm like, what is that? Who's screaming? And I realize it's me that I am on my knees screaming. And so I literally blacked out.

I asked my mom what happened. She said, "Girl, you know, you a lot stronger than you look. It took five people to carry you out of that room when I lost it." Now here's the thing. I still have to be with this youth group. I still have to be. Like, in this church. I still have to. And this happened like this big public failure.

And was that a catalyst of it? PMS? Yes, it was. Am I still responsible for my actions? Yes, I am. And so living through that, again, it goes back to what you said, the shame. Living through that was probably one of the hardest things of my life.

Speaker 2

I can imagine the enemy whispering in.

Speaker 3

You, oh, my gosh. You don't.

Speaker 2

What kind of a believer. You say you're a Christian.

Speaker 3

Yeah.

Speaker 1

Christian leader.

Speaker 3

Yes. And over other leaders. And had it not been for people carrying you out, you would have pummeled one of the leaders in front of the young people. Like, that's what happened. And so me saying, I don't want to be this person. What do I have to do now, God, for you to work in my life, that even when something chemical is happening, supernatural, that's what the fruit of the spirit is, right? It's the fruit of the spirit. Spirit. I can't do it. He has to do it. I have to know, Lord, in these times, I'm gonna have to really surrender.

And I gotta watch what I listen to. I gotta watch who I'm around. I gotta watch what I pay attention to. There are certain things that I have to do to set myself up here. And then the Holy Spirit has to. I have to be yielded and crucify my flesh. I just wanted women to know, you're not alone. Don't suffer in this alone. It's okay for us to talk about. Don't give up.

If I can tell this story very quickly, it's not really about PMS, but it is that time. My grandfather, who—off the air, we were talking about him—he was a very... He could be a combative guy. He believed in whooping a bully in public. That's what he would say. So he believed in confrontation.

And I remember after this episode of going through this and being so ashamed of myself, wondering how I'm going to carry my head in this church, going to see my grandfather who was in the hospital. He's in the hospital, and I go to his bed, and apparently someone in my very big, very loud, very communicative family told him what happened.

And he says, I said, "Grandpa." He said, "Oh, you don't have to tell me. I heard." And I said, "Yeah." He goes, "Well, I'm proud of you." And I said, "Why?" He said, "I bet you she won't mess with you again. You're like me." That's what he said, and I said it was simultaneously the most affirming and scary thing I've ever heard in my life. Like, okay, yes, this is like him. I can't be this all the time. Like, I can't. This man is 80-something years old in the hospital, and he's happy. I got... I can't be that person. I remember going to God and saying, "God, you have to change me."

Speaker 2

It was a pivotal moment.

Speaker 3

It was a. Oh, my goodness. That was such a pivotal moment for me, guys.

And I just. The reason why I put it in the book is because if it weren't during that time, I think it would have been easier.

But something chemically is happening. I'm in pain, right? I'm taking medication for. You know, I take prescription medication so.

Speaker 2

You could have a headache. So many things.

Speaker 3

All of it's going on in my body. And then you add that to was such a moment for me to say, God, help me surrender more. Help me surrender more. But at that time, I thought there was no redeeming. I just thought there was no redemption for me.

And so having walked through that, I want to turn back to younger ladies and say, it's okay. God forgives. I put in a book. He stores your tears up in a bottle. And even if on the bottle, he's like, seriously, like, labels it. Seriously, you were crying over that. He still cares enough to store them up.

He still loves you. Nothing you're doing is a shock or surprise to him. Just come to him with a humble heart, and he will. He'll change you. He'll change me.

Speaker 2

Take us back to the church, the youth group. Did you have to go back?

Speaker 3

I did. I went back. I had to apologize. I had to apologize to the church. I had to apologize to the young lady. I had to the kids still bringing up there in their 20s. And y'all remember Ms. Sherry freaked out, and yet they still bring it up.

But you know what? To me, if we can do something like that, I know we don't like it. I didn't like it. If we can do something like that and then someone is able to watch the redemption process in our life, if they're able to watch the repentant process in our life.

I talk about that in the book, about our glossy testimonies, these testimonies that we give where somehow in the middle, nothing happened, right? It's like, oh, I messed up now. I'm awesome, right? Well, that middle is where people learn that Jesus still loves them.

Speaker 2

That's where most of us Live in the middle.

Speaker 3

Absolutely.

Speaker 2

We're struggling, but as we're. So why are we putting a veneer on to say we don't struggle?

Speaker 3

That's exactly what I wanted. And so did they see that? Yes. Are they 28 now? 29 now.

And also see who God has turned me into through the development of my character; they see that too. And so now they know that he's able. They know that he can do that for them.

I think we do a terrible disservice when we don't talk about that middle.

Speaker 2

What would you say as. As men are listening, you know, what would you say to them?

Speaker 1

I'm right here.

Speaker 3

Okay.

Speaker 2

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3

I'm gonna look right at you. Ready?

Speaker 2

There it is.

Speaker 3

It is happening. And just because you don't go through it, that doesn't invalidate that it's happening because you don't understand it. Because, I mean, one time I wrote something that guys were just so angry about, and when I look back on it, it was a little too much. But I said, let's say every 28 days, I'm coming to hit you in the head with a hammer. And you know that that's going to happen no matter what every 28 days.

And let's say that once I smack you in the head with a hammer, you got to go to work. You don't get to sit down. You don't get to say, whoa, my head hurts. Oh, my gosh, my head's bleeding. Nope, we're going to wrap it up. Head to work now. Whatever that pain is, whatever that is, now you're going to have that, and then it's happening another 20. How would you feel on day 23? Little nervous. Right. Little anxious. Right. 24. Oh, gosh. 25. Oh, my goodness. Why? Because I'm getting ready to bang you with a hammer and wrap you up until you go out into the world and act like I didn't just do that.

And I put that on, but I didn't word it that well. It was worded very poorly. It was not received well at all. But what I'm saying is, please acknowledge that this woman that you love, whether it is your wife, your mother, your daughter, whomever, is having something happen to her body. And it could be, you know, anywhere from if you didn't really have those kind of symptoms to so severe that she could barely get out of the bed, and that this is going to happen every time.

And if you can't put yourself there, please read how Jesus treated the woman who had the issue of blood. That is such a story for me. Someone who has gone through that, obviously gone through that kind of pain. Thinking about 12 years, and it was difficult. I had to read that for myself because, you know, typically it was men preaching to us, and they’re telling that story, but you can't tell that story from experience.

Speaker 2

And not only physically what she was going through, but being unclean.

Speaker 3

Yes.

Speaker 2

Not being able to fellowship.

Speaker 1

Have you seen the episode of the Chosen?

Speaker 3

Absolutely. I saw it.

Speaker 1

That. When I watched that, I felt her shame.

Speaker 3

Yes.

Speaker 1

Like, you read it, but, man, you sort of saw it and you're like, that's probably pretty close.

Speaker 3

Yes. And you are on edge. Right. And so think about that and think of the care and the love and the affirmation that Jesus gave. And just do that.

Speaker 1

Just do that.

Speaker 3

Just do what he did. Right. Like, he was busy.

Speaker 2

Yeah. He stopped.

Speaker 3

Somebody was a really important guy, said to him, can you come to my house? He's following that. There are people all around him.

Speaker 2

Someone's dying.

Speaker 3

Yes.

Speaker 2

And he's going to heal them.

Speaker 3

That's right.

Speaker 2

But he stops along the way.

Speaker 3

Yes, he does. Yes, he does.

And she touches him now. She could have got healed. He could have went on. He didn't. He stopped. He looked at her. He saw her. He affirmed her. He called her daughter.

That's exactly right. So what do I do? How do I do what he did?

Speaker 1

Well, I think, you know, Sherry, nobody can describe it like you. I think, as men, we do not think it's a punch with a hammer in the head. Only you would come up with that analogy. That's what I do.

Speaker 3

I want to reiterate how poorly that was received.

Speaker 1

No, but the thing is, you come up with that analogy as a man, I'm thinking the analogy is going to be somebody came up to you and gave you a little punch on the shoulder.

Speaker 3

Okay.

Speaker 1

Like, you felt it, but it didn't hurt. That's what it feels like.

No. You're saying. No, no, no, no, no, no. This is what it is.

So that's. I mean, when I was reading your book, the Revelations of Men and PMS, they don't know. They want to help. It makes them sad. They still love us, Patty and all.

Speaker 3

Yeah.

Speaker 1

We don't know.

Speaker 3

Yeah.

Speaker 1

I mean, we, like. You got a thing going on. It can't be that big.

Speaker 2

See Dave's face right now? He has this scrunching, like. And he's like, why do you have to be so emotional? Like, it can't Be that bad. Which then is a whole other category.

Speaker 3

More guilt. Yeah.

Speaker 2

Like, I must be weak. I must be soft. I must not be spiritual.

Speaker 1

And I didn't have daughters, so I don't understand. And I belittle it. And I'm not saying I'm every man, but I'm guessing some men are like me, and others maybe. But I was like, come on, just step out of it.

Speaker 3

We're good. Suck it up. Okay, let's go.

Speaker 1

And they're carrying around the Hulk.

Speaker 3

Yes.

Speaker 1

And I have no idea.

Speaker 3

Right. And it's not just emotional.

Speaker 2

Physically.

Speaker 3

So there. And I'm not gonna go into all of that, but physically, something has happened to you. You're on edge.

Speaker 2

Cramping can be debilitating.

Speaker 3

It was for me, too, from 10 years old on. And so I knew every day, my mother knew there was gonna be two days maybe of school I was gonna miss. We never really knew. I was always gonna end up in the nurse's office. I was always gonna be violently ill. She was always gonna have to come get me. And that was str. So that's your life. Right.

And so I would say, to your point, Dave, for women, it's important for us to try to understand. Try to do it outside of the 28-day issue. Right. So don't. You're not going to get it during that time. Try to do it outside of it.

That he doesn't understand. And why would he? And so the expectation for him to get it and fix it and make it okay and know to get you this, know to do that, know to do that. He can't relate.

Speaker 2

He.

Speaker 3

There's no one like you. He thinks it's a punch in the shoulder. A little punch, a little punch, a little slap on the shoulder. Well, why wouldn't he think that? That's not his life. And so for me to think that he is going to understand it, that doesn't make any sense. And so I have to know. He doesn't really understand.

I had to say that about my brother. Now my brother understands now after growing up with me. Now he has his wife and two daughters. I told him, I don't know what you did to God to make him make you grow up with me and then raise me twice. I don't know. Because my nieces are just like me. Yeah, he knows now. Now he really understands. But until then, how would they know?

So to have some grace and to communicate, that's where I struggled. Where this is what I'm feeling. This is what's happening to me. And then I would say to the guys, when she communicates that sometimes that's to be fixed. Chocolate always works. Amen. Amen. Fixes a lot of things, but to not dismiss or belittle it. You're already crumbling inside, right? You don't need someone who loves you coming and saying, "Ah, come on, let's go over here."

You need someone to understand this is my life and it's going to be my life. And again, women are on all different spectrums of it. But if you're not a woman who experiences it to that extent, you know someone who does.

Speaker 2

Yeah. And we just need someone that walks with us, that loves us and that gives us grace.

Speaker 3

That's what I said. Do look at what Jesus did. You don't have to do it all at once. Let's do it it in pieces, right? He's busy, he's crowded, all of these things were happening. But he finds a way to affirm that woman.

Speaker 2

And you could, as a wife or a sister or a mom, you could buy your husband a book called I want to punch you in the face but I love Jesus by Sherry Lynn. Best title ever.

Speaker 3

I will be honest, I didn't really think that through.

I didn't think what that was going to feel like every time I did an interview or every time I got on stage and had to say it.

Like, I thought you might have wanted to think that through a little better, but here we are.

Speaker 2

But Sheri, when you talk to groups of women, like at a conference, what happens to your books?

Speaker 3

Sell out. Always sell out. Because. Because no one's talking about it and because it's fun and it's funny.

And I put a big picture one time up on the screen. It's in the book of a hot dog that I ate.

During this time of the month where you become a little more ravenous.

Speaker 1

I mean, one of your chapters is called Fatty Patty.

Speaker 3

Fatty Patty, that's right. Because that's one of the things with pressure of weight and image and all of that for women to have this time where you want to eat every single thing in the world, right?

Or when you are going to get bigger because of water retention or whatever, and you like, literally, guys, one day you could be one weight.

Men, please hear me.

Speaker 2

It's true.

Speaker 3

On the 20th of the month I can weigh one weight. On the 21st I am five pounds.

Speaker 2

Five pounds.

Speaker 3

How in the world did that happen?

Speaker 2

And your clothes don't fit quite as.

Speaker 3

That is exactly right. And if you're already uncomfortable in your skin, this is just going to happen. It's added to it. Right. So I thought, well, let's talk about that, because you want to eat everything in the world.

I asked women, what's the fattest thing you ate? And it's listed there. I have a whole list of things. I couldn't put them all in there. Some of them were so wonderful. And I started with my own, which was this hot dog that was fried and then dipped in cheese twice and then fried again so that the cheese calcified all over the hot dog, along with bacon and fries in a milkshake. I did not feel bad about any of it.

Then we went out for donut ice cream afterwards, where they had this donut, and they would put ice cream on top of it. So that was my biggest fatty Patty thing. I asked women, and they just said it. It takes the shame away. There it is. All of us.

Oh, she. Whoa, I didn't do that. Or I didn't do. I had one lady say she took her kids' brownies and went in the bathroom and locked the door.

Speaker 2

And they know, oh, that's a mom thing right there. Like, I'm gonna be in the bathroom by myself with a pan of brownies.

Speaker 3

Your pan of brownies?

Speaker 2

Yeah, that I made for you.

Speaker 3

And I'm gonna come back out, and the pan's gonna be empty. And I don't want any questions.

So that having that kind of camaraderie and understanding and hearing that women go, everyone is going through it removes the shame. Because I do. Fear and shame are two of the biggest weapons of the enemy. Right? That you're afraid that you're different, everybody. So you're ashamed.

But, man, the light of Christ will blast that out. And so that's why I believe in being really, really honest, being really, really frank. That's why I love you guys, because you're like that, too.

You know, just. This is the thing. This is what it is. People are set free with the truth.

Speaker 2

Exactly.

Speaker 1

Well, here's the thing. Men don't. We don't get it, right? Even as I hear you talk, I'm still like, I'm not sure I understand.

So we thought today could be the five things husbands—this could be men—should not do or say during that time of the month.

Speaker 2

Men, this is our gift to you. You might have wanted to check out, but you need to check, right?

Speaker 3

Right?

Speaker 1

Yeah. So, Sheri, you got one.

Speaker 3

I Do. My first one is do not under any circumstances use the R word. Now, the R word is relax. I know that makes perfect sense to you. I know that you're looking and you're like, that's the answer. She needs to relax. Hey, brother. Brother in Christ. I'm not telling you you're wrong. I'm just telling you if you'd like to live to see your kids tomorrow, don't do it.

Relax. The female interpretation of relax is attack. When we hear that, just think of an interpreter. When I hear that, it's attack. That doesn't make any sense. Exactly. So don't say it. That's my first thing. I know it's the thing you want to say. Do you think we don't know inside we need to relax? Do you think that we don't know this is a total overreaction? I am sitting outside of my body, like, shut up. But I can't.

All right, so work with me here, but relax. What do you think is gonna happen? Like, if you say, why don't you relax? Do you think she's gonna be like, that's the answer? Oh, my goodness.

Speaker 2

I wanted to, but I couldn't.

Speaker 3

But now that you said it, the mirror, it's almost like, let there be light. Your words are just like, God, it created something out of nothing.

Speaker 2

And let's just say, dad. Dads of your teenage girls. Oh, it is. You light that fuse, and it's like the pit bull could come out.

Speaker 3

Cause she has so much less experience. She doesn't know. That's why I wrote the book. Give it to her.

Speaker 1

Well, the truth is, I mean, Sherry, when you said this. Do you think we don't know we need to relax? We do think. You don't see how irrational being. I mean, that's.

Speaker 2

Sherry, you don't know this, but this is one of our biggest fights. This word.

Speaker 1

Not anymore.

Speaker 2

You used to use it all the time.

Speaker 1

All the time.

Speaker 2

And, you know, like, I'm strong, and I can be pretty intense. And so for Dave to say relax, it is like lighting the fuse.

Speaker 1

You know what? When you said that word is attack. Test.

Speaker 3

I'm like, you're right.

Speaker 1

That's what happened. I don't know why I kept saying it every time. She'd be, like, running across the kitchen like, you told me to relax. I'll show you how to relax and dry.

Speaker 3

Quite. But I'm like, wait a minute.

Speaker 1

Right there. You know? I mean, how stupid could I be? I kept saying it every day for men.

Speaker 2

Some of you Men like, okay, I never knew this.

Speaker 3

Yeah, let's not say it. So that is a big one, that. And again, the diagnosis may be correct.

Speaker 2

That's good.

Speaker 3

She does need to relax. Just know you saying it is not gonna make that happen.

Speaker 1

I just wanna hear you do a man's voice again.

Speaker 3

Yeah, I know.

Speaker 1

It's funny every time.

Speaker 3

Brant always says to me, why do we all have to talk at man's ways?

Speaker 1

I'm like.

Speaker 3

And she's like. He's like, why? That's not how.

Speaker 2

And we didn't say it at the beginning, but you and Brant Hanson are on the radio every day. You have a podcast.

Speaker 3

Yes. And we have been doing that show for, like, 11 years.

Speaker 1

It's been 11 years.

Speaker 3

Yeah, it's been 11 years.

Speaker 1

And if you haven't heard it, let me tell you, it's fabulous. You'll laugh like you are right now.

Speaker 3

Appreciate that.

Speaker 1

It's also deep.

Speaker 3

Yeah.

Speaker 1

You dig into stuff.

Speaker 3

It's spiritual.

Speaker 1

Yeah.

Speaker 3

Well, that's the point of it all, is that we want people to have that full experience of who we actually are. So when people say, you guys laugh too much on the show, he says, you have no idea what happens when we're done recording. There have been times, literally, we've been in the studio and we have laughed for, like, a half hour about something so ridiculous, like PMS.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, not. He's not really laughing, but I am. He. May I say this? Actually, one time, he said to me, you're always so kind. Because I asked him about this book, do I ever bring this here? Because I fight not to bring it here. I fight.

We call her Patti Michelle Sinclair, which is PMS. Is who I say my alter ego went on PMS against.

Speaker 2

Do you walk in the room and say, patty's here.

Speaker 3

Patty. I don't want that. I don't want. I don't want to be known as that. Right.

So I asked him, do I bring this here? You can tell me. Like, you know, hey, there are certain times of the month where I can't even ask you a question without you losing it.

And he said to me, which was one of the greatest compliments I've ever had. He said, you are always kind to me. Always kind to me.

And he said, but there are times that I can tell you're digging a little deeper to be kind.

Speaker 2

Ooh, that's a compliment.

Speaker 3

That was such a wonderful compliment that you see the effort. Because, guys, I am telling you, it is effort. Every hormone in your body is raging in the opposite direction. And so to be able to feel inside you. I don't. I.

Guys, think of what chemically rushes in you and causes you to want to go in another direction. Think about that. I'll leave it to you. That's what we're dealing with. 4, 5, sometimes 7, sometimes 10, whatever days that I am literally fighting against my body. My body is my enemy, right? And I'm fighting against it, not wanting to hurt the person.

And I see in front of me that I love, that you love. I love with all my heart. And I can't stand you. And I don't know why. It's irrational, but it's true. I don't want you breathing too loud. Oh, I have to say, I mean.

Speaker 1

You'Re in the fight.

Speaker 3

Yes.

Speaker 2

I remember I was in my early 40s, speaking at a marriage conference, and this older woman came up. She was probably in her mid-50s. And she said, girl, you have got to talk about hormonal fluctuation and just your hormones being out of whack. I said, really? You think I should? She goes, well, let me tell you what happened at the mall last week. She said, I'm telling you, my. I must be. So. Something is wrong with me, because I'm at the mall with my family, my teenage kids. We're all walking around. She goes. And they keep saying, mom, go in this store. Mom, go in this store. Mom, go in this store. And there is a point where they were bugging me so bad that I'm in the middle of the mall. And you know how they have those cute little display tables for Christmas? She said, I scream at the top of my voice, I don't want to go there. And she said, I take the. And she cursed. And then she takes the table and she flips it.

Speaker 3

She did a Jesus in the temple.

Speaker 2

There it is. She flipped the tables in the mall. And she said her husband came up to her quietly, and he just said, honey, we need to get you some help. We need to get you to the doctor. And she said, my doctor did some blood tests, see how my hormones were. And he said, I don't even know how you've been functioning. And so this stuff is real. It physically affects us.

Speaker 3

It is. I remember going to the doctor and her starting to tell me things that, oh, yes, that is exactly what I'm doing. That's exactly what I'm feeling. Then you are able to regulate it. And it's like, oh, okay, this is happening to my body. And I know if men don't understand that because it's not happening to them. If you could just understand this is not psychological.

Speaker 2

Yeah.

Speaker 3

This is physiological. This is happening to my body. And you love that woman in front of you, right? If something was raging to come and get her, you'd put your body in front of her to stop it. Right? That's what's happening. So if you could have compassion, you may not be able to have empathy, but if you could have compassion in that way, just like this man. I mean, you've literally made a fool of all of us in the mall. And I come up to you and I say, hey, we probably need to get you some help. Right? So if you could just feel that instead of the relax is really more about you than it is her, isn't it? Right. That's like, I want this to end. Right. Instead of what is best for her at this moment. That's good, because it is a woman that you love. Right. And she doesn't want to be going through it anymore than you want to be on the other side.

Speaker 1

All right, number two, we gotta fly. What's two? You go, no, I'm talking to two women.

Speaker 2

You're not gonna have any.

Speaker 1

I had one, okay? The only one I thought of is, guys, don't. During this time of the month, say to your wife, let's have sex.

Speaker 3

I mean, I'm not.

Speaker 1

Well, here's what.

Speaker 3

I'm single, so I'm gonna sit this one out and listen to two of you.

Speaker 1

We don't say because we know that, but there's a. You know, there can be a temptation to say, it's all about me. So I understand. We, you know, but can you just take care of me? That is so selfish. That is so. I don't really care what you're going through. Put it aside. Can't be that big a deal. Just, you know, let's. That's. It's just like.

Speaker 2

This is a.

Speaker 1

This is one week or three days or five days, or maybe it's 10 days.

Speaker 3

Yeah.

Speaker 1

You just love your wife.

Speaker 2

How can I serve you?

Speaker 1

How can I be your partner in this? How can I. Again, it's like the. It's like, don't say relax. The opposite of relax would be. Tell me more. What does this feel like? How can I be a partner rather than trying to make you do what I want, even though it's not the right time of the month for.

Speaker 2

I like it. Okay. Look at that.

Speaker 1

See how quick a guy can explain something?

Speaker 3

Yeah.

Speaker 1

And then it's over.

Speaker 2

Right.

Speaker 3

Okay.

Speaker 1

Let's go back to you guys.

Speaker 2

Well, mine is similar to all these are things not to say of anything about why do you have to be so emotional? And there's a part of, like, this.

Speaker 1

Is, this is personal.

Speaker 3

Okay, good. Again, after me. Right now I am enjoying the dynamic between the two of you. I wish I had some popcorn.

Speaker 2

And I tend to not be generally very emotional. And I'm not saying that it's bad to be emotional, but I'm pretty steady. But when he comes in steady, she.

Speaker 1

Cries maybe once a year.

Speaker 3

Okay.

Speaker 1

Like when she cries, I'm dead. It's bad.

Speaker 3

Actually, that's, I'm like that too. Like if someone says, if I'm crying, something's like, everybody clear the room.

Speaker 2

But you say that. But our listeners are thinking she cries all the time. I know in our marriage, but I.

Speaker 1

Mean, in our marriage, if you're crying.

Speaker 2

About something, I used to cry way.

Speaker 1

I've hurt you deeply. So in terms of being very emotional, high and low, you're not, you're pretty steady.

Speaker 2

Oh, so just to say, why do you have to be so emotional? What that's saying to me is stop having any emotion because this is making me feel uncomfortable. I hate that. And so during that time of month, I might be more emotional. And so instead of saying, why do you have to be so. Or to say that to your daughter, your teenage daughter, oh my goodness, that's like death to her. And that's a shaming word.

Speaker 3

It is. And she doesn't know what's happening to her yet. She's young, so she doesn't know. So to do that is to not just invalidate her feelings because she's, she's young and she's growing and she doesn't get it yet, you're almost invalidating her. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2

That's what she feels.

Speaker 3

Yes. It's a put down that she's going to have to try to rage against. Man. Do all you can to support her during that time until she understands her body, until she starts to understand her emotions. Some of us, it took us to our 30s, we're on the other side, almost out of it. We're like, oh, okay, now I get it. Right? So at that age you have no idea what's happening to you.

Speaker 1

Right.

Speaker 2

And even when they're crying, when girls are crying and wives are crying, like, just be with her. Don't judge it or be like, oh geez, it's that time of month again. That sets us on fire, man. Or it makes us Run away in shame, right? And like, here I am failing again.

Speaker 3

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1

I hope guys are taking notes. This is good. So we got three.

Speaker 3

Okay, three. I have one more. All mine are funny. You guys were really serious. Serious. You're having another one. Now that's food. It doesn't matter what it is. Another wing, another piece of pizza, another piece of chocolate. I don't care what it is.

Speaker 2

This isn't just that time of month.

Speaker 3

This is. Please don't ask me you're having another one. Just let me be, please. And then this is in conjunction with that. A lot of us have go to outfits during this time.

Speaker 2

These are things I never thought we'd talk about.

Speaker 3

But it's true, right? Yes, it's true. You have a go to outfit that is stretchy.

Speaker 2

Mine's called my fat suit.

Speaker 3

Yeah, See, this is my.

Speaker 1

This is a thing.

Speaker 3

It's not gonna make me feel uncomfortable. I look a little slimmer in it. It's not buttoned. It's not. Whatever it is. Okay? Now let me tell you something, guys. I will rock that outfit every doggone day. I don't care. I will put a washer, dryer. I'm wearing it again. Do. Do not say that again. Didn't you have that on yesterday? If she has the same outfit on.

Speaker 1

For two days, say, you look good, girl.

Speaker 3

Get a clue. I love that outfit on you. Yeah, bruh, that's gonna help you out.

Speaker 2

Oh, you're looking good.

Speaker 3

Please. I love when you wear that.

Speaker 2

Will you wear it again tomorrow?

Speaker 3

Fifth day, let's go for six.

Speaker 2

Actually, that's true. When I come home from work, I might put that on 20 days in a row.

Speaker 3

Yeah, that's it. That again. Don't do that. This. We have a go to outfit that doesn't make us feel bloated. Doesn't make us feel. You may have one, two, or three, but you're gonna, you're gonna rotate. But I, I. There are. There are pants that are dedicated for this time.

Speaker 2

They're not tight.

Speaker 3

They are not tight. But they're like. Especially when they made the leggings and everything. I know we had, I know we had a bunch of, you know, discussion about how. Oh, is that modest and whatever. Hey, look, let me tell you, that makes you feel good about you.

Speaker 2

That's right.

Speaker 3

Now, is it lying? You're not really that skinny. When you look at me, you're feeling.

Speaker 2

Good till you see that picture. Somebody, you're like, oh, those are skinny.

Speaker 3

Pants on a non skinny girl. I Understand that for myself, however they make me feel good, I'm gonna wear them so that I can feel good about myself. And I would tell a guy, like, don't question it, but support it. Say, wow, that I love when you wear that. You're gonna go far with that, sir.

Speaker 1

That is good advice.

Speaker 3

You're gonna go far with that.

Speaker 2

All right. What's your last one?

Speaker 3

My last one? Those were my two. Yeah.

Speaker 1

I got one more.

Speaker 3

Okay. Okay.

Speaker 2

Can yours be funny like hers?

Speaker 3

That's so much pressure, Dave.

Speaker 1

Well, I guess I don't have one more. Mine was more serious again.

Speaker 3

No, go ahead. I like the serious.

Speaker 2

We need the serious.

Speaker 1

I thought, at least I do this. I don't know if all guys do, but when you start even talking about this subject, there's a part of me and I would say to husbands, don't do this. Don't say, I don't wanna talk about this.

Speaker 3

Yeah.

Speaker 1

Like, it's almost.

Speaker 2

I mean, I have to say, like, soon as we started reading the book, Sherry Day's like, I'm out.

Speaker 1

I'm out.

Speaker 3

I'm not doing this. It's not gonna work.

Speaker 1

Well, I remember, you know, even as a young dad again, I had three sons being with my buddies, like Rob and Michelle, and they had daughters, and they'd start talking about this dinner table like this is a normal thing of their lives, which it is. And I'd be like, I'm going out and shooting baskets. I mean, seriously, this felt. It just felt. Oh, I didn't grow up with it. My mom never talked about it. So it was like it was over there and I didn't have to deal with it. And the reason I bring this up is husbands don't do that. Because this is the world that your women live in.

Speaker 2

Yeah.

Speaker 1

And teach your sons this. But the other reason I thought this is sort of serious is the church won't talk about it either.

Speaker 3

No.

Speaker 1

Like the fact that you wrote this book and a publisher won't touch it. It's because it's in Christian world and churches are going to be like, nah, it's important to talk about.

Speaker 3

About.

Speaker 1

But it's like, this is something that should be talked about.

Speaker 2

It's how God made us.

Speaker 3

And it's our lives. Yes, it's our lives. And so if you love that woman, it's a part of her life. And so I. Brandt again said something so wonderful. He was talking about this issue with his wife, and he said to himself, no, this is what you wanted. You want. You ask God for A wife. You ask God for a human woman. That's what she is. This is what she goes through. And so you care about that because you care about her. And you can't take a piece of her, a big, huge piece of her, and say, I don't want to talk about that when it's the majority of her life and it's going to disrupt her life. Every single month, for every single year that you all are together, you know how much you're dismissing of her?

Speaker 2

Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3

That. That's just, you know, if you love her, this is a part of that and learn about it as much as you can.

Speaker 1

I mean, I was thinking, you know, because again, I shy away from the. That if a husband said to his wife or a dad said to his daughter at the right age, hey, tell me how this makes you feel. This, this, this whole thing of your life, would that make the wife feel.

Speaker 2

Honored and the daughter.

Speaker 3

The wife, yes. But your daughter is going to just melt. Because that means Dad. I mean, because she's hearing other guys make fun of it.

Speaker 2

Yeah.

Speaker 3

She's hearing other guys shame her for. If her father comes and says, tell me what this feels like. How can dad make this better? What can dad do for you? So that. It's not that difficult. You have opened something there, not just physically, you've opened something spiritually. Because the Bible said. One of the funniest lines in the Bible to me is when Jesus says, and if you being evil, that's so funny to me because he's looking at people. If you being evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more does your heavenly father. You open something up that if my earthly father is willing to sit down and talk to me about something that doesn't actually affect him but affects me to a point, and I don't understand why, then how much more does my heavenly Father care? You're opening up a really, really good channel there for her and her heavenly.

Speaker 2

Father even to sit in. The miracle of. You have the potential to give life. Yeah, that's a miracle.

Speaker 3

Yeah.

Speaker 2

Something that a man will never experience. You have that potential in your body. That's something to celebrate. Hey, thanks for watching. And if you like this episode, you better like it. Just hit the that like button and.

Speaker 1

We'D like you to subscribe. So all you got to do is go down and hit the subscribe. I can't say the word subscribe. Hit the subscribe button. I don't think I can say this.

Speaker 2

Word like and subscribe.

Speaker 1

Look at that you say it so easy. Subscribe. There he goes.