FamilyLife Today®

Speaker 1

The doctor says she's 99% blocked. And we're all like, what? And it was off the widowmaker artery right below that.

Speaker 2

So we had to be ambulanced. You had to be ambulanced to another hospital, trauma hospital for a heart sentence.

Speaker 1

And I didn't hold it against you when you said, so how much is it going to be to be in the ambulance? Can I just drive her?

Speaker 2

So we had a little visit to the emergency room. Let's tell our listeners and watchers what.

Speaker 1

Happened and what they can learn from it.

Speaker 2

We'll see.

Speaker 1

In marriage, maybe, hopefully. So we were recording. It was a whole day. We had a great day recording. Gary Chapman was in the studio. We always loved being with him.

But earlier that day and the day before, so Monday and Tuesday, when I had gone up the stairs, I told you, it's so weird when I go up the stairs, I feel a little breathless and a little tightness in my chest. That's all I said one time, and.

Speaker 2

I sort of thought nothing of it.

Speaker 1

Yeah. So we record all day. It was awesome. Then we go out to dinner with some friends. That was great. Got home late, around 10:30.

I thought, maybe I should get that checked into with that heart thing, because I have a really bad history of heart and uncles and father and people dying very, very early from heart disease. But all my numbers are good. I'm like, I have a good diet. I exercise regularly, so I'm sure I'm fine.

So I called my cardiologist friend in Michigan and said, "Hey, Matt, I wonder if I could get in to see you maybe in a couple weeks or month or so." He goes, "What? Oh, okay. What's up, Ann? What's going on?" I said, "Oh, I just. A couple times I've gone up the stairs, I felt some tightness in my chest, and I felt a little breathless, and I've never had that before."

He goes, "Huh? Yeah. I want you to pack a bag and I want you to go to the hospital right now to the ER." I'm like, "What? You want me to go to the ER? I'm pretty sure I'm fine." He goes, "No, like, this is significant for you. And the fact that you're calling me at 10:30 tonight is telling me something's up. So I really just want you to go get it checked. Probably nothing, but."

So I come down the stairs with a bag.

Speaker 2

I'm watching the NBA playoffs. That tells you what month that was. May and June.

Speaker 1

And so I'm like. You're like, what are you Doing with a bag. You don't even tell me we need to go to the hospital. And you were shocked. Like, what are you talking about?

Speaker 2

I thought you were talking to one of the kids. I heard you on the phone. So, yeah, I had no idea.

Speaker 1

But you know what I loved about you? I love this about you. You totally trust me.

Here's one of the lessons learned: Trust your spouse. Because you're like, all right, let me get my stuff and we'll head over there.

How did you have? No. Because I'm pretty laid back in terms of I don't make a big deal of things. And you're like that, too.

I was actually a little surprised that you weren't pushing back, saying, you're fine, you eat good, your blood works good. Why didn't you push back at all?

Speaker 2

Well, some of our listeners and watchers will remember another story in our life. We call it the melanoma trip, where I didn't show up and didn't trust you. So I think, you know, when you.

Speaker 1

I had surgery by myself for melanoma.

Speaker 2

We thought it was going to be just a consultation. It was four hours away. You and you were in a softball game. I had to play softball. They're not going to do the surgery anyway. They're just going to look at it. Well, they ended up looking at it and doing the surgery, and I wasn't there. And so I missed it. I even said, on family life today, I'll never miss another one. I told husbands and wives, don't miss it. If your spouse has something going on, you get there.

So I think that was part of what's happening. I mean, I'm literally sitting on the couch watching the game, and you say, we need to go to the ER. I'm like, why? I just talked to the cardiologist, and he said he recommends we go right now. And I'm off the couch instantly. I was running out to the car.

Speaker 1

I was kind of shocked by that. But now I forgot about the melanoma thing. You really were putting into practice what you had learned. Like, when your spouse is in crisis, you. You're there.

Speaker 2

Trust your spouse.

Speaker 1

I like that.

Speaker 2

And I think it's, trust your kids. I mean, if there's something that you can tell is not right or very important and you sense it, there's nothing more. There's nothing else more important than this moment right now.

Get there. Help them. Whatever it is. If they need you to run upstairs and vacuum the bedroom, do it. I don't know what it is, but, man, in that situation, you know, it's like something critical.

Like there's something. There's something wrong with your heart. Your dad had what, three major heart surgeries.

Speaker 1

He had two heart attacks.

Speaker 2

His dad died when he was in his 40s. I mean, there's heart disease.

Speaker 1

He had three. Two triple heart bypasses. His dad died at 41. His brother died at 41.

Speaker 2

Yeah. And when we even got to the ER, they said, this is a hundred percent genetic.

Speaker 1

Yes.

Speaker 2

You're in shape, you eat well.

Speaker 1

And here's what I'm thinking. We have to record the rest of the week. We need to get out of here. Because all the tests came back normal.

Speaker 2

That's all you cared about. We're going home. We've got work to do tomorrow.

Speaker 1

I'm like, hey, we need to get home. They're like, we actually need to do a heart catheterization. And I'm like, oh, no.

And so we called our executive producer, Jim, and said, Jim, we are so sorry, but we're going to be doing a heart procedure, a heart catheterization in the morning. And he was so gracious.

But even that, like every. You were right by my side the whole time. And I loved it.

Speaker 2

Well, I wrote down some lessons learned in the ER.

Oh, and you just said the first one: trust your spouse. So don't even question it. Trust it.

And I know you might say my spouse over-exaggerated everything. And you know, of course, maybe that's true, and you need to...

Speaker 1

No, make sure them anyway. Yeah, of. Just make sure you're listening, like, tell me more what's happening.

But I think it can be easy for one person to become incredibly analytical and logical in the moment.

Like, you're fine. Like, it wasn't your blood. If you would have done that, if you would have said any of that.

Speaker 2

Which I would have done a year.

Speaker 1

Ago, I was already doing it to myself. Yeah, like, your blood works fine. You exercise. You just walked a long way yesterday.

Speaker 2

And honestly, there was a part of me that was like, we have two more days of recordings. We can't go to the ER tonight.

Speaker 1

I thought the same thing.

Speaker 2

We can wait till Thursday night.

Speaker 1

If you'd have said that, I would have been like, you're right.

Speaker 2

If I would have said that, you hear me? That would have said, my work's more important than you are.

Our work's more important than you are. So fortunately, I did the right thing, saying, you're more important than our work.

You're more important than anything.

Speaker 1

So they ended up doing the heart catheterization. I'm on the table. Which, by the way, I had no idea that you're wide awake during this heart cath. And they go in through the wrist. I can feel it go all the way up my arm into my heart.

Speaker 2

Your. Your forearm's still bruised.

Speaker 1

I know. And I remember the nurse that was right by my head. She goes, "It's going to be clear. We're all betting on it. Just, we can look at your lifestyle." I'm like, "Oh, that's nice of you."

And then the doctor says, "She's 99% blocked." And we're all like, "What? What?"

And it was off the widowmaker artery right below that. It was 99% blocked.

Speaker 2

It's a critical moment.

Speaker 1

So if you would have hesitated, that's.

Speaker 2

The second lesson learned. First one is trust your spouse. Second one is don't hesitate. Right. There was no hesitation.

Speaker 1

No hesitation.

Speaker 2

Go. There's something going on. You trust her, you trust him. You say, we got to go now. Don't wait.

Speaker 1

Even if it was nothing, even if it was totally fine, everything came back normal. The fact that you trusted me and you didn't hesitate to say, "I'm with you, I love you. I'm beside you. I believe you." And that's a big deal.

So I might have been embarrassed, like, oh, it was nothing. But you wouldn't have made me feel embarrassed about it. You would have just been, "I'm really glad we got it checked. Aren't you?"

Speaker 2

Yeah. I mean, it's a lesson learned that I learned before. Just trust your spouse and don't hesitate.

And that means this: If it's important to your spouse, it's important to you. Because I could tell this was important. Obviously, it's medical, but I'm saying in anything, if your spouse says, "We need to be at the kids' game tonight," you get to the kids' game. If they say, "We need to go to this parent-teacher thing," I blew those off all the time.

I thought, "She thinks it's important, but it's not important," because I didn't think it was important. It's like, I missed some of those. And I'm now learning: If it's important to your spouse, it's important—get there.

Speaker 1

I know that. Even preaching, like, when you preach, that was big for me. Like, I need to be there to support you.

Speaker 2

Yeah. And you need to cheer in the front row and say, my jokes are funny.

Speaker 1

And I did do that. I laughed and. Because I think you are. But I think it's. It goes Both ways. Because we can be resentful in our relationship and we may have drifted a little bit so we might feel like our spouse doesn't deserve it. Neither do we.

Speaker 2

Yeah.

Speaker 1

It's called the grace of the gospel. We're there, we see each other, we believe each other, and we're with each other. Even in the hard and the ugly times, we are believing in each other.

Speaker 2

Yeah. What nobody knows about the rest of this story is we go in Tuesday night and they say, we're going to keep you overnight and we're going to do the heart cath in the morning. So that's one night.

Speaker 1

But they did say, but if you have blockage, we can't do the stent to put in that artery.

Speaker 2

Yeah. So we had to be ambulance. You had to be ambulanced to another hospital. Trauma hospital.

Speaker 1

Okay, I'm going to give you grace on this one.

Speaker 2

And they couldn't get her in for two days, so we were there three days waiting for a hearsenk.

Speaker 1

And I didn't hold it against you when you said, so how much is it going to be to be in the ambulance? Can I just drive her?

Speaker 2

Come on. Every husband would ask that question. That wasn't that unusual.

Speaker 1

The nurse says to you, she shaved you. She goes, she's 99% blocked. Do you really want to risk that?

Speaker 2

I'm thinking she's probably been blocked for a while. We didn't even know.

Speaker 1

This is where the logical part of your head comes in.

Speaker 2

Yeah, well, money's not important in a crisis. You hear me? It's not important.

Speaker 1

That's so hard for you.

Speaker 2

Even though we hit our out of pocket in one week, it's not important. But when I say, don't hesitate. Nobody knows the rest of the story. You have the stent put on, put in on Friday. And I asked the doctor when he.

Speaker 1

Comes out, and I ask the doctor when I'm on the table, hey, we're supposed to be in Colorado on Monday. We're going to be unfocused on the family because of our new book. Do you think I can go? And he told you the same thing? Yes.

Speaker 2

Yeah, he said yes. And honestly, if he would have said no, we would have gone.

Speaker 1

No.

Speaker 2

I mean, it's a big deal for our book and for that. But if he says no, we don't do it. But he told me, yeah, you can go. So we go to Denver on Friday night and flights delayed, drive to the hotel.

Speaker 1

It's a four hour flight and Ann.

Speaker 2

Wakes up at three in the morning and says, "There's something wrong. I'm going to pass out. My legs are tingling."

And there's another part of me that's like, "You just had a stent. You're fine."

I never said that. No, I said, "Get in the car. We're going right now."

Speaker 1

And I happened to notice that there was a hospital right next to the hotel, which was kind of great.

Speaker 2

So there we were at three in the morning. We didn't sleep the whole night.

Speaker 1

I know. Here's what happened. And this is another lesson learned.

Speaker 2

Oh, another one?

Speaker 1

Yeah. You didn't hesitate. We went straight to the hospital. They ran a bunch of tests, said, your heart's fine, but you're low in potassium, you're probably dehydrated, you're low in electrolytes. And I think the altitude really affected me.

And now I'm on medication I've never been on in my life to lower my blood pressure, which was already low anyway. So I think all of that combined created this incredible situation. I was super dizzy, and all my limbs were asleep.

And so here's the lesson learned: together is always better. Because when we got back to the hotel room, it was probably like five in the morning. We had to get up in a couple of hours. I remember you pulling me over, and I felt instantly asleep because I didn't.

Speaker 2

Sleep the rest of the night.

Speaker 1

You didn't?

Speaker 2

I did not sleep that whole night.

Speaker 1

Was this the first time you were really scared?

Speaker 2

Yeah. I was like, well, you just had a stent put in, hopefully the problem solved. And it looked like it wasn't. So maybe it's worse than the doctors even knew.

Only to find out it really was altitude and the stent is great and you're fine, but I didn't know. And I'm just praying and holding you in.

Speaker 1

So I'm inside.

Speaker 2

I had no idea you slept.

Speaker 1

I'm instantly asleep because. Because one Jesus you had prayed over me, which was like, talk about a sweet gift just to pray over your spouse. Whenever they're going through anything, just pray over them.

And then when you tucked me in and you prayed over me, it brought me instant peace. It's like God's peace and your comfort and your presence and God's presence. That's a powerful combo. When you feel that with your spouse and even your concern, like, I could tell you were concerned. You weren't brushing it off. You're like, come here.

And that, man. Those places in our marriage, when we're broken or needy or scared, that's when it's so much better to have two instead of one.

Speaker 2

Yeah. You need your spouse.

Speaker 1

Yeah.

Speaker 2

And if you're a single mom or single dad, I've been there with my mom, was a single mom. Community together is better too.

Speaker 1

But I think, too, I think that's always important for our kids, too, to drop whatever. If they're struggling, we drop it and we give them full eyes, full attention. We're locked in to whatever pain or fear they're in. That was a sweet gift to me.

Speaker 2

I didn't even know it. So just, we're telling the world. But, yeah. What a night. What a week.

So here's lessons from the ER review. Trust your spouse. Don't hesitate. Together is always better. And I guess we're gonna have five lessons.

So number four, maybe you'll have another one, is look for cues from your spouse of fear and maybe anxiety. There are cues that she or he is giving off.

Then often with our kids too, we cover. Yeah. I mean, lessons from the ER would be look for cues. You talking faster. You don't even know when I get.

Speaker 1

Nervous, I talk more.

Speaker 2

I'm like, she's scared.

Speaker 1

Yeah. But I'm telling them about Jesus. That's my go to. Like, I'm telling the nurse.

Speaker 2

Yeah.

Speaker 1

Like, oh, well, where do you know? Where do you go to church? Anywhere.

And then I give her the name of the church and she comes back and she's like, what's the name of that church? I really want to go to it.

And so it's good that I go toward Jesus and the gospel and telling them.

But you knew. Oh, she's really nervous.

Speaker 2

Yeah. I mean, I didn't say, hey, you're really scared, aren't you? Because I was. I mean, I was scared, too. But it's like, you know, be an expert on your kids, on your mom or dad or whoever.

But for you, as me, with you, on your spouse, look for cues. They're not always going to say, I'm really scared right now. They might, but they might just give off cues that, oh, this is a big, big deal. I mean, I knew when you came down the steps with your bag packed like, we're going to the ER. I could tell it was like, my cardiologist just said, you're not going to like this, but you got to get there now. I could tell by your look.

That's probably why I responded pretty quick. I'm watching cues like, this isn't. Maybe we should go to the ER. This is. We're going. It's almost like I'm going with or without you. I missed the last one, the trip to Ohio for the melanoma surgery. I'm not missing this one.

So, man, when they give off the cues, that is a signal. It's a flashing light on the dashboard of their life. I want you with me. I need you with me. Please come with me. And I'm just saying don't miss that moment.

Speaker 1

In marriage, whether it's physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual, people are always giving off clues about their feelings. I think we should always be attentive to our spouse and what they're experiencing. It’s easy to take their emotions personally, wondering, "What's his problem?"

For example, when you get scared, it often relates to money loss or anything that stresses you out financially, causing you to shut down emotionally. Instead of feeling resentful, thinking, "Oh boy, here he is worried about money again," I could remind myself that God has us covered. I could say to myself, "God's got us."

Speaker 2

You have said that.

Speaker 1

I have said, and it's true, because it is true. But I need to be more empathetic instead of being annoyed or taking it personally or, oh, boy, here they go again.

I think that's just part of being one, that we support each other, we see each other and.

And we look for cues of fear, anxiety, our kids, depression.

Speaker 2

Anger's a cue.

Speaker 1

Oh, good one. You know, and that's the one we take personally.

Speaker 2

Short fuse. And they're snappy. And it could be that's connected to they're afraid.

Speaker 1

Yeah.

Speaker 2

Or they're. They're anxious and they're worried about something, and they're not saying it out loud.

So there's a cue there. It's like, okay, I need to step in and ask questions or be their partner in whatever way it is for you.

It was just. There's fear.

Speaker 1

Yeah.

Speaker 2

I mean, you grew up in a family where you've watched people die of heart disease. This is a big deal. We don't know what's going on.

So, you know, when somebody's afraid, you get beside them. You get as close to them as possible because you, in a sense, are God beside them. You are reminding them his presence is with us.

I mean, Psalm 34, the Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and he saves those crushed in spirit. How does he often do that? Through another person.

Speaker 1

Yeah.

Speaker 2

Not the only way. But he uses your spouse to remind them, it's okay, God's here.

Speaker 1

And I think we can often, when we're in situations where we're stressed, fearful, or anxious, be prickly. We don't necessarily know which one it would be, the man or the woman, but we can get prickly or protective. As a result, we kind of push others away. You may not even want to be close to that person because they have these prickles coming out, and they're not fun to be around. But I would say press into that. It might hurt a little bit, but don't let their attitude or their anger push you away, because it can easily happen. Continue to pursue them, even in the midst of something hard.

Yeah, that would be especially true for teenagers. They might say, "I don't need you, mom and dad. Just get out of here." So, while you’re going to give them some space, you should continue to pursue them in a way that's meaningful to them. Writing a note, telling them you see them, and telling them you love them can make a difference. I used to find little rocks and put scripture on them when I felt like I could sense their tenseness or worry. I would place a little stone beside where they ate breakfast every morning and say, "I'm really praying for you, hon."

Then, I would write out the scripture on that stone, and they would take it to school. I remember one time, a friend of our son, Joe, said, "Hey, Mrs. Wilson, do you think you could write some scripture for me and put it on a rock so I can have it with me for my track meet today?" Isn’t that awesome?

Speaker 2

Scripture rock.

Speaker 1

It's a scripture rock. And the. The verse that I wrote down a lot of times was Philippians 4. 6.

Speaker 2

That's my. That's our last lesson.

Speaker 1

Yeah.

Speaker 2

From the ER. Trust your spouse. Don't hesitate. Together is always better.

Look for cues of fear and anxiety.

And the last one is pray, pray, pray. Philippians 4: Don't be anxious about anything, but in everything, let your request be made known to God.

Speaker 1

We've memorized different versions. Yeah. Let your requests be made known to God. And then here's the best part. And the peace of God, which passes.

Speaker 2

All understanding, will guard your hearts and.

Speaker 1

Minds, your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus.

Speaker 2

So what's that look like?

Speaker 1

I think that's just. It's exactly what it says, pray tell God, everything you're feeling, what you're thinking. I did that the whole time in the emergency room, in the hospital, for four days in Colorado when we were there. I'm praying. It's praying without ceasing, constantly.

And there is something that happens. That peace of God. It does surpass all understanding. I felt his presence even when that wire was going up that artery into my arm and into my heart. I was. I kept saying, I haven't processed it fully yet. I kept saying to myself, God, you are with me. You are with me. You are with me, and I can be at peace and I trust you.

And I thought to myself, well, I'm either going to be with him, and if I'm not, that means I have more to do here. And so there is something that's pretty powerful, knowing that you're supposed to be here for something more.

So thanks for being with me.

Speaker 2

I'm glad you're here.

Speaker 1

I'm glad I'm here, too.

Speaker 2

I'm glad we have more work to do.

Speaker 1

I'm glad we're with family life today, this week, too.

Speaker 2

And if you're breathing, God has work for you to do in your marriage and through your marriage. And part of it's being together with your spouse in the. On the top of the mountain and in the valley.

Speaker 1

And let me just say, you could be going through some really hard things with your spouse.

Speaker 2

Yep.

Speaker 1

And I get it. We've been there, and it is hard. But this relationship with your spouse, it really matters. And we need each other. I need you. And you were there for me the whole time. Thanks.

Speaker 2

Hope those lessons help.

Speaker 1

Hey, thanks for watching. And if you like this episode, you better like it. Just hit that like button.

Speaker 2

And we'd like you to subscribe. So all you got to do is go down and hit the subscribe. I can't say the words subscribe. Hit the subscribe button. I don't think I can say this.

Speaker 1

Word like and subscribe.

Speaker 2

Look at that. You say it so easy. Subscribe. There he goes.