FamilyLife Today®

Crystal Paine: We need to know what we're prioritizing in our life, because we all are prioritizing something. Even if we haven't determined these are my priorities, our life indicates what we're prioritizing. But is it in line with what we want to be prioritizing?

Dave Wilson: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I’m Dave Wilson.

Ann Wilson: And I’m Ann Wilson. You can find us at familylifetoday.com. This is FamilyLife Today. Question for you: do you think I'm good with my time? That I manage my time well?

Dave Wilson: You paused way too long.

Ann Wilson: No, I think you do, actually. I'm not looking for a positive response. You do?

Dave Wilson: Yeah, I think that we don't live on the same internal time clock. Mine's always going really, really fast and yours is slower, which is really good for me. Frustrating, but good for me. But yeah, I think you manage your time well. Do you think I do?

Ann Wilson: I think you manage it a lot better than I do. You get a lot more done in a day than I do, and I honestly think I waste a lot of time. But sometimes my attitude can be determined by how much I get done in the day and that’s not always a good thing.

Dave Wilson: Well, we all need help with time, and we've got the time-saving mom, Crystal Paine, in the studio with us today. I call you the time-saving mom; you're really known as the money-saving mom. But welcome back.

Crystal Paine: Thank you so much for having me. And you know, you were talking about not being good with your time. I just witnessed you. She was saying we've got to get along, we've got to get the interview, and you were back just talking with people. And so I just want to encourage you that talking with people, that is using your time intentionally.

Dave Wilson: So you’ve written a book. You’ve been thinking about this, I’m guessing, for decades, right?

Crystal Paine: Yes, I actually open the book talking about my high school graduation speech. I was not the valedictorian. I was homeschooled—let's clarify that—so I graduated at the top and the bottom of my class. But I got to give a speech, and my whole speech was "Time is Short," because that's something that I've been really passionate about for years and years.

Ann Wilson: Well, let's talk about what the book is called. Your book is called The Time-Saving Mom, and the subtitle is How to Juggle a Lot, Enjoy Your Life, and Accomplish What Matters Most. Every mom hearing that wants that.

Dave Wilson: Yeah, I mean, if we're going to be wise about our time, here we go. We started yesterday with, I thought, a great discussion and I’m so inspired even now to go home and be more thankful. But you talked about this four-step process which I guess is your way to say, okay, you want to redeem your time? You want to do what God says here in Ephesians 5? It looks like this. So just remind us of the first P and then let's go further down the list.

Crystal Paine: So it’s to start your day with a posture of prayer. So prayer is step number one. And the second is prioritize. And it really goes along with that because we need to know what we're prioritizing in our life, because we all are prioritizing something. Even if we haven't determined these are my priorities, our life indicates what we're prioritizing. But is it in line with what we want to be prioritizing?

So I talk about my six-by-two priority system in the book. This is where I have six priority areas that I wrap my time and my life and my energy around. And I don't prioritize them every day, because if I were to try to prioritize them every day, I would feel completely overwhelmed. There's no way humanly possible I can do them all every day and do a good job of it.

So instead, I pick two per day and then I rotate them, so over the course of the week I have spent intentional time in each priority area at least twice. And this just frees me up to really be fully present where I am, but also know that I'm going to hit those other areas at other parts of the week.

Dave Wilson: That makes way too much sense.

Ann Wilson: And for those who haven't been listening or who didn't listen yesterday, let's just reiterate, Crystal, that you have six kids. So you could be thinking, well, she must have all kinds of time and must have all kinds of ways to prioritize her time. But you are living a fast-paced life with a lot going on. So give us an example of what this looks like to prioritize.

Crystal Paine: Yes, so for instance, your marriage. It would be amazing for you to be able to have a date night every single day, but that's not realistic for most families. For my husband and I, we have teenagers who oftentimes have things in the evening. But twice a week, we can have intentional time. So maybe that's an hour of us talking or that's an at-home date night or that's us going out with another couple.

Some people are like, "Twice a week with six kids?" I think a lot of times, if you determine that something is important to you, you're going to make time for it. Our marriage is really important to us, and we know that someday we're not going to have these kids in our home, and so what's going to be the glue that binds us? If we don't intentionally prioritize our marriage right now, we're going to pay for it soon.

And so for us, that is saying twice a week, having intentional time together. Same thing for our kids; every day, obviously, they are a priority. But twice a week, maybe it's a family movie night, maybe it's that I'm going to take one child out on a one-on-one date. Twice a week I'm going to do something very intentional with my kids. And then the business: every day I'm working, but twice a week I'm going to spend intentional time.

Dave Wilson: So what are the six?

Crystal Paine: My health, which includes spiritual and emotional and physical health. And then my marriage, the business, our home, and friendships and my kids. And the kids aren't last; that’s just how I said it.

Ann Wilson: So as a listener, I'm thinking, okay, I'm going to prioritize these areas and this is what it's going to look like this week. Is that what you’re saying?

Crystal Paine: So a lot of times, people who have read the book, then they get a little bit hung up on like, "I need to plan this all ahead of time to make sure that I hit all of these areas perfectly." I do it one day at a time. So it’s just every day kind of deciding.

You know what? That particular child is struggling and I have this free block in the afternoon. I'm going to take them out for a one-on-one date. And also, my laundry really needs to get caught up on. So today, those are the two areas that I'm going to focus on. Yes, I'm going to do some other things, but those are going to be the big priority areas that at the end of the day, I'm going to have accomplished those.

And then the next day, it might be, "You know, my husband and I haven't really connected much. I'm going to make sure that tonight after the little ones go to bed, we're going to watch a show together. And also, I'm going to get together with a friend this morning and we're going to go on a walk while we're pushing our kids in strollers."

It's just every day kind of deciding. There will be some things that I'll know ahead of time, so there are some days where it’s already predetermined, but on the other days I just really take it a day at a time. I don't stress out about doing it perfectly every single week, but just try to rotate the priorities so that I'm spending a good intentional time in each area twice a week. And by the way, there are seven days in the week and there are only six priority areas, so you've got a free day.

Dave Wilson: That’s called Sabbath. And I like that we've already talked about prayer. So even as you’ve been making that a priority, you’re praying all day long about everything, so you’re praying like, "Lord, what should they be today?" And God will highlight—it sounds like He highlights the things that need attention that day. I like that.

Crystal Paine: Yes, oftentimes when I'm starting my day with prayer, like I talked about just starting my day praying over my day, and as I'm doing that, something will come to mind. Like a friend, it will just really impress this friend to reach out to and offer something, or this child that really needs to have a conversation or just connect with, or just realizing my soul and my body is weary today. I'm just going to take some time to just go on a walk and breathe or do something that's just going to really refresh me. And so in that time of prayer, oftentimes that's when it will come to me of this is what I need to prioritize today.

Dave Wilson: Okay, I have two questions. I don't know which one to ask first. The first one, I guess, would be: what if your spouse—this is not personal—what if your spouse isn't on the same page? Like you are intentional, they're not.

Ann Wilson: You mean like spending time together?

Dave Wilson: Yeah, I mean you have these six and you’re going to try and rotate and you sort of have a plan that we're going to get to in a minute, but these are your priorities and your spouse either maybe is totally against it or just doesn't go along with the plan or interrupts the plan and messes it all up. I’m guessing that happens quite a bit, or it could be a child, but I'm thinking in your marriage, how do you navigate that?

Crystal Paine: Well, I think first off, what is the time during the day that you have that you are in charge of? For a lot of women, if your spouse works, there's time that you have that you get to decide how you're going to spend it. And so whether that's, "Okay, I'm going to focus on the kids during this time," or a friend or the house or my health, doing it during the time that is your time so that maybe when your husband comes home from work, if he works outside the home, that you just don't plan anything then. Because that's just, okay, I'm going to go along with whatever because he likes to be spontaneous.

And so deciding what are the time blocks that I have that I am in control of and that's what I'm going to focus on versus being frustrated because I made this plan. Most evenings, I don't really plan out. I leave them free because once my kids come home from school, they have plans and they need to talk and we just need to hang out as a family.

And so for me, leaving those that free—there might be a few nights a week that the kids have activities or there's something planned, but for the most part, I try to have blocks of time where there's just—it's just free so that I'm not making my family feel like you've got to follow my plan. This is during my time when I get to choose how to spend the time; I'm going to be intentional with it.

Dave Wilson: And I know you've got a good answer for this one: interruptions. You know, the water heater broke, the AC goes out, you have a fender bender, and so the plan that you had...

Ann Wilson: One of your kids is sick or throwing up all day. Those are the things women are thinking about.

Dave Wilson: And a lot of times we just—we get derailed and we’re done. We give up. I'm guessing there's a way to get derailed but not be done.

Crystal Paine: So the great thing about this system is that if you just are focusing on one day at a time and if you're rotating your priorities, let's say you get into a fender bender or a child is sick. That's your opportunity to be like, "You know what? We are just going to move this to the next day and today it's going to be I'm going to focus on my child because they're sick and they need me."

And so I love that it's not every Monday it’s this, every Tuesday it’s this. It's as you go about your week.

Dave Wilson: That's good.

Ann Wilson: That is good.

Dave Wilson: And you have that extra day to push one into it, I guess.

Ann Wilson: Hey, have you ever wondered how to help your kids really connect with the story of Easter during Lent?

Dave Wilson: I have.

Ann Wilson: And one thing we've loved in our home is using Resurrection Eggs. Each of those 12 eggs has a little symbol that helps kids see and then touch the story of Jesus' journey to the cross and the resurrection. And it just naturally sparks these great questions and conversations, and there's no prep needed, which is always great.

Dave Wilson: Yeah, we actually recently did this with our grandkids. And you talk about questions and conversation—it was awesome. So if you're looking for a gentle, meaningful way to walk through Lent with your kids or grandkids, this is a beautiful place to start. And we've also got a fun storybook and a coloring book, great with Resurrection Eggs or on their own if your family already has a set.

Ann Wilson: And you can get your bundle or set of Resurrection Eggs at familylifetoday.com.

Dave Wilson: Let's go to the next step of the four-step system.

Ann Wilson: I like that they're all Ps.

Dave Wilson: You're a preacher, so I like Ps.

Ann Wilson: Oh, you do? So we've hit pray, we've hit prioritize, and now plan, like planning using this system that you're talking about.

Crystal Paine: Yes, so I have what I call a hybrid planning system. So I use Google Calendar and I use a time block to-do list. Now this is where it gets to some people could feel like this is overwhelming; I don't want to do this.

Dave Wilson: I felt that when I read this. I'm like, "I don't know if I even understand this," so this will be good.

Crystal Paine: Well, and so I am just sharing what works for me, but I don't want anybody to feel like I'm saying this is how you need to do it. But for me, I found that the less that I have in my brain, the more that I can just breathe.

And so Google Calendar for me is where I brain dump everything. Like anything that I think of that I need to remember, that I need to do: any blog post I need to write, anything I need to do with the business, anything for the kids' activities, I brain dump it all as all-day tasks in Google Calendar. So then it's out of my head and it's in a safe place.

And then my time block to-do list is my brain on paper for that specific day. And that is my time budget. And so I look at my Google Calendar before I go to bed at night, look at what is on the all-day tasks for the next day, and then I just write out a time block to-do list.

And you were talking about interruptions—one thing that I do is I pad this with a lot of extra time, because interruptions are going to happen. And if I have just made my schedule so packed that there's no space to breathe, then when that child spills the milk, when there's a poopy diaper, when the teen needs to talk, I'm going to feel frustrated because this is my plan and you're interrupting my plan.

But if I have padded it with extra time in every time block, plus at the end of the day I allow usually two to four hours of completely free time, then when the interruptions come, I can be like, "I planned for this. I can totally stop and take care of this and be present there, because I have time to be able to be present."

Ann Wilson: So you have that, you've just unloaded this dump of all these things you need to do, it's on your calendar. And how are you figuring out what you're going to do?

Crystal Paine: So as I'm thinking of something—so let's say it's, "Oh, I'm supposed to bring treats to that thing in three days." Okay, well, as I go to put it on Google Calendar, I'm just thinking, "Okay, when do I need to have them by?" And I put it on that day.

Ann Wilson: I see.

Crystal Paine: So I just put it on whatever day I need to remember it by. And if it's a project that needs to be broken up over a few days, then I will break it up over the few days. Now this is taking me a long time to kind of get into this system of doing this, and it usually takes me just maybe five minutes of my day as I go throughout the day to just brain dump the things into Google Calendar.

Dave Wilson: And obviously it leads you to the last part of your process, because you can't do that in the morning; you actually do it the evening before—the prep.

Crystal Paine: So yes, so prep is not only your evening routine and your morning routine, which I talked about like setting my day up for success starts the night before: writing out my time block to-do list and really doing things the night before, just a few things that kind of calm your body down, get yourself to sleep well, and then start your day with intention and then having a simple morning routine.

But prep is not just that. It's also the mindset. We talked yesterday about that mindset shift about not saying, "I can't do that" or "I'm not that" and really recognizing that so much of our success happens between our ears and what we tell ourselves, whether it's negative or positive. That's going to impact how we actually live and the motivation that we have.

Dave Wilson: Yeah, I think at least for me, I waste—when I read your process and then especially the prep, I thought that’s one of my weaker areas. I want to relax at night, I want to watch something, I want to drink a Diet Coke, all the wrong things.

Ann Wilson: Those aren't all wrong.

Dave Wilson: I think about tomorrow but I’m like, "I'm going to wait till tomorrow and get up and jump on it," and that just was like, no, no, no. And it doesn't take a long time, right? Pretty quick.

Crystal Paine: Well, and a lot of times it’s like, could you do it early and then go drink your Diet Coke and relax? And so getting it done maybe it just takes you 15 minutes, a few things that you can do to set yourself up for success the next day, and then go relax. Because relaxing is also setting yourself up for success for the next day, but you're going to relax a lot better when you know that you've set tomorrow up for success.

Ann Wilson: I mean, I'm imagining your calendar right now with six kids. You're working, your kids are working for you as well, your older ones. There has to be so much going on just to survive the day and to feel like, "Yeah, we're getting all this stuff done." There's got to be so much. Do you ever feel like, "I'm so overwhelmed"?

Crystal Paine: I don't often feel overwhelmed because I usually live fully present where I am.

Ann Wilson: And so that made me think: are you on social media? Are you scrolling a lot? I'm guessing you're not.

Dave Wilson: Of course she's on social media; she's the money-saving mom!

Ann Wilson: That is true.

Crystal Paine: I am on social media a lot because that is my job—at MoneySavingMom on Instagram. But I don't scroll very often. But I do allow myself to scroll sometimes because that's for me relaxing. And so I have a few people that I follow that I really am inspired by what they do, and so I have times when it's like, "Okay, I did the things on my list and now I can just enjoy being able to sit here and scroll on my phone a little bit."

Like we were talking about enjoying relaxing, that’s the thing for me. Budgeting when it comes to money is not this restrictive thing; it’s freedom, because I've predetermined how I'm going to spend my money, so then I can enjoy spending money on something that someone might think, "Well, that's extravagant," but it's like, "But we budgeted for it." And same is true with our time. If we budget it and we spend it well and we pre-decide how we're going to spend our time and we then have time to invest in our marriage, time to relax, time to do fun things, time to be present and show up with a friend, time to do these things because we've been intentional on the front end.

Ann Wilson: As a listener is tuned in, how would they start? Maybe they haven't had any sort of plan, any sort of strategy. They’re looking at these Ps. How would they get started?

Crystal Paine: I think the biggest thing is starting with prayer and starting with recognizing that you cannot do this life well on your own. And so just starting your day—this is not going to take you any extra time—while you're brushing your teeth in the morning or getting your coffee ready, just pray over your day. Have that spirit of prayer, that posture of prayer. Instead of worrying about what's going to come today, worrying about this or that, use that energy to pray over your day. So start with that.

Ann Wilson: I like that too. And I would add, if you have time, even as you're brushing your teeth, I've done this too—I'm listening to scripture sometimes, which now I'm getting the Word and sometimes I would do it in the car too, that my kids are hearing it and that's a good thing too. So I like that. Starting with prayer—we're starting with God.

Crystal Paine: Yes, and really it's that principle of tithing, how giving the first fruits to God. And one of the things when my husband and I were in really lean years and we committed that we were going to tithe, we were going to give 10 percent even though the 90 percent didn't make sense. Like we couldn't figure out how it was going to pay all the bills. It always did. It always stretched.

And it's the same thing with starting our day with God and saying, "I'm going to trust you that even though I feel like I don't have time for this, this is one of the most important things that I can do and I'm going to give the first fruits of my day to you and I'm going to trust you for the rest of the day," and He is always so faithful.

And then I would say just a simple second step is instead of trying to do a full time block to-do list or Google Calendar, just either if you feel completely overwhelmed, sit down and just brain dump everything in your head and then pick just a few things that you're like, "This morning I'm going to do these three things, this afternoon I'm going to do these three things, and tonight I'm going to do these three things." And just start with that. Start with just being intentional with those things and just see what happens if you just start with prayer and a little bit of intention. Change your attitude and your perspective and see life as a gift, and I bet you will decide that you not only have more time, but that you also enjoy your life a whole lot more.

Dave Wilson: Yeah, I mean, what you when you said a minute ago, "freedom"—that's the word you often don't think of when you think of a money budget. You think restriction. And even when you think of a time plan, you sort of think everything's going to get restricted, and it's the opposite, right? You actually experience freedom because it's—it's controlled in a sense. And again, we don't have control of our lives; God does.

But the plan gives you a sense of—I’m sitting here going, "No wonder you've got a thankful heart." It’s an overflow. It’s a fruit of some of this plan, because when I got to your final chapter and I read about you thought David was going to be adopted by somebody else and that did fall through and then it's come back to you guys, I thought, who would say yes to this? Because you know better than anybody the huge responsibility that's going to be not just for a few years, but you called it saying yes to forever. And part of me—you know this—part of me is like, you were able to say yes, you and your husband, because of the plan, right?

Crystal Paine: Yeah, I mean, I feel like it's because of being intentional with time and money and we see like the years of that foundation of walking through hard things and learning to trust God and struggling and the foundation that God has built and given us and seen Him be faithful. And that's what gave us the courage. It's not because we're incredible people, but because we serve an incredible God and we've seen Him be so faithful and we know that He will continue to be faithful. And so when He called us to say yes, stepping into that and knowing that I don't know what the future is going to hold—there are some days where it’s hard, it’s hard to think of the future—but I know, I keep going back to and just reminding myself again and again and again that God has been faithful and He will be faithful.

Ann Wilson: And I think that's a good reminder for every listener. God sees you, He has been faithful, and He will be faithful.

Dave Wilson: Yeah, I was going to say the same thing. I think it's easy, like I know a mom sitting there in her kitchen or a dad, and it's easy to think you people on the radio or on a podcast, you pastors, you have these special lives that God blesses in a special way and that's why Crystal's able to say He's faithful. Guess what? He is faithful to you the same way; it’s no different. We don’t have a special—He is faithful. So man, I’m not a mom, but I watched you and it’s so overwhelming all the things you moms carry. We dads are amazed. We could never do it. So I just want to say to that mom that is overwhelmed right now: He's faithful. Trust Him. He will meet you right there and He'll get you through today.

Ann Wilson: Moms are pretty remarkable.

Dave Wilson: They are. Another great day with Crystal Paine.

Ann Wilson: I love her.

Dave Wilson: Getting our life organized. And her book is called The Time-Saving Mom, and let me tell you, this applies to dads too. The subtitles: How to Juggle a Lot, Enjoy Your Life, and Accomplish What Matters Most.

Ann Wilson: It's so good.

Dave Wilson: And you can get it by clicking the link in the show notes at familylifetoday.com. Our vision at FamilyLife is every home a godly home, and we need your help to get there. And when you become a FamilyLife partner, your monthly support makes that vision actually possible.

Ann Wilson: Yeah, you'll get access to exclusive updates and events and the chance to join our partners-only online community. But more than that, you're helping change the future of families. So the question is: will you come alongside us and alongside families in need?

Dave Wilson: And you can go to familylifetoday.com and read more about it and become a partner. Just click the donate button at the top. And again, you can go to familylifetoday.com. FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife, a Cru ministry, 50 years of helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.