FamilyLife Today®

Speaker 1

Battles are raging all around our kids. They need a place where it feels safe, they feel heard, and there's a sense of joy and maybe even fun in their lives. Guess where that is? Not somewhere else. Make your home the place where they want to run to.

Speaker 2

If they don't get it in your home, they're going to go looking for it somewhere else. And so we want to create that intentionally in our homes.

Speaker 1

Welcome to family life. Today we got Dave and we got Ann Wilson.

Speaker 2

Well, we're having fun today, actually.

Speaker 1

We are having fun today because today is just you and me in the studio.

Speaker 2

That's right, baby.

Speaker 1

Talking about a value that we thought was really important for our family. And we want to encourage other families to consider making this a value. In fact, we put it in our book, no Perfect Parents, chapter eight. Do you remember this?

Speaker 2

Yeah.

Speaker 1

Make your home the haven they run to.

Speaker 2

Yes.

Speaker 1

What does that mean?

Speaker 2

And mind you, every single family has different values and things that are important and personalities.

Speaker 1

Because you may not be wired like the Wilsons. We're a little quirky, actually.

Speaker 2

Crazy.

Speaker 1

I'm quirky, she's crazy. But your craziness brought this value more than me to the Wilson home. And it's a good value.

Speaker 2

And because we live in a crazy cultural world, I've always wanted our kids to run home. Our home would be a magnet. Like, we want our home to be a magnet.

Part of this desire comes from my background growing up. My home was really fun.

Speaker 1

Everybody in Findlay, Ohio, wanted to be at the parents house.

Speaker 2

Yes. Because my parents created an atmosphere that. That everyone wanted to come to it. And that's.

Speaker 1

There was joy, there was fun, there was respect, there were games. Your dad treated high school kids like adults. And there's something that's like a magnet. It draws you. You wanna be there.

Speaker 2

And so when we got married, we're like, we wanna create that too. That our home is the place where all the kids wanna hang out and.

Speaker 1

The people wanna hang out. And I actually had the opposite growing up.

Speaker 2

Yeah, you did.

Speaker 1

I never wanted to be home. It was home of divorce and just my mom and I, and there was no fun. So I wanted to be at the Baron's house. And then.

Speaker 2

But part of that, I was like, because of that, we should have some popsicles. It could be the cheap ones, but, you know, we need to have some food. And you're like, they can drink out of the hose. What are you talking about?

Speaker 1

I actually said that the garden hose because I didn't want to spend money on it. Well, there wasn't bottled water back in those days. Water was. Anyway, I was a cheapskate. And sometimes you got to spend a little money, but you don't really need to spend money. This isn't about spending money.

This is about creating a place where, in fact, we wrote down there's bathro. Battles are raging all around our kids. They walk out of your house, they go to school, they go to high school. Wherever they are, there's a battle. They're being somewhat attacked; they're being discipled. They need a place where it feels safe, they feel seen, they feel heard.

And there's a sense of joy and maybe even fun in their lives. Guess where that is? Not somewhere else. Make your home the place where they want to run to.

Speaker 2

And I think as they become teens, they're still looking for that place. And so we're like, even when they're teenagers.

Because I can remember this thought when I was a teenager going to a party. People were drinking, they're smoking stuff. And I can remember looking around thinking, I wonder what they're doing at my house right now. Because I bet it's way more fun than this.

And so I think as a family, it'd be really good. Or even a single mom or dad. What are you guys doing to create an atmosphere that will make your kids want to run to that, to create a haven and a refuge place?

Speaker 1

And it doesn't intentionally. It doesn't happen unless you do it intentionally.

And we decided it was really your value. You brought this to our home. Because I didn't have this growing up, but it became a great value where, you know, I remember when our kids were little, the neighbor kids would come to our front door and ring the doorbell and say, can Mr. Wilson come out and play?

Because it became the play. I was the dad in the neighborhood that had ball games in the front yard and slip and slides. It was all you. But we were the home where all came to because there was this sense of fun, and it was intentional.

Speaker 2

And I don't think, as we've looked around and now we have grandkids, where we're at their houses doing the same things. Kids aren't in the yard playing the way they used to in most places. I'm amazed. Like, where are all the kids?

And so that was this thing in our neighborhood where we lived. Every kid in the neighborhood would come down after dinner because they knew something would be happening, whether it be kickball.

Speaker 1

Tell them about capture the flag.

Speaker 2

Go ahead. Dave was out of town this one time, and the kids came in. I think our youngest was four, maybe. So they were four, seven, and nine.

CJ runs in the house as a nine-year-old, and all these other kids are outside waiting. He goes, "Mom, Mom." And you weren't home, so they're coming to me.

I'm doing the dishes, you guys. I'm so tired. I'm wiped out. I don't want to do anything but get the kids in the shower, the bath, and to bed. That's what I'm thinking: let's just get everybody to bed. CJ.

Speaker 1

Comes in every. Mom's thinking every day, mom, you have.

Speaker 2

Got to play this game with us. I'm like, what are you playing? I'm drying the dishes. What are you playing? We're playing capture the flag and we have to have one more to make the teams even.

And I'm like, oh, hon, that sounds awesome, but I have got to finish this and I've got a lot to do tonight before you guys go to bed. And he puts his head down and he walks out. I can see him walk out and tell Mike and tell Chris, like, she can't play.

And there is this, like. And I remember looking at this dish towel thinking, how many years will it be until they won't ask me to do something or they won't ask me to play or, you know, and I.

So I put down that dish rag and I had a bunch of stuff left to do, but I came out and I'm like, guys, I'm in.

Speaker 1

And by the way, just a little footnote, another value that Ann brought to the Wilson home was make a memory. She used to say that all the time.

I'm like, not everything has to be a memory. Make a memory.

So one of the reasons you stepped into this is maybe this will be a memory.

Speaker 2

Yeah. And these guys are like, some of these boys that were in the neighborhood are 13 and where are they going? Like, what are they doing? They're gonna play video games or whatever. But we have an opportunity as a house, in the neighborhood, in the world. Like, we can have an impact on not only our own kids, but other kids.

And so we get going in this game, you guys, and it is tight, I guess, a tight game. And my team is all in jail. They're all in jail in the woods. And I am the only one that can free them. And so I've got these 13-year-old boys. I am running as fast as I can. And these 13-year-old boys are on my tail to catch me. Cause if they tag me, I can't free my people. And so I.

Speaker 1

And the game's over, Basically.

Speaker 2

Yeah. I am running so fast, I run through the woods to try to evade them. My shoe falls off. I'm running with one foot. That's, like, barefoot. And I can see my team. I'm, like, running, and these weeds and these branches are hitting my face. And I tag my team. We're all free. We end up winning the game. And they're like, this is awesome. I mean, they are pumped out of their minds.

And so we went to bed that night. It was fun. They were sweaty, they were tired. And if you have boys, I say this: they need to be sweaty at least once a day.

Speaker 1

You gotta do something physical with your boys. Something physical probably with your girls too, but definitely with boys.

Speaker 2

And the girls were all there, too. All the neighborhood girls. So we go to bed. It was one of those epic days. They're like, "Mom, that was so awesome. Thank you for playing."

The next morning, I wake up. My eye is so swollen, I can't even open it. Totally swollen shut. So I have to go to an eye doctor, who sends me to another doctor. And the doctor says, "Wow, you have a thorn in your eye." And so they have to surgically remove this thorn out of my eye.

I come home with an eye patch, and the kids are like, "Mom, what happened?" I'm like, "You guys remember when I was winning the game last night?" and I didn't say that.

Speaker 1

Running through the.

Speaker 2

Remember when I was trying to free you? That's what I said. Well, a thorn went into my eye. Soon as I say that, we're done eating or something. All the kids are in the front yard. And CJ goes out there as fast as he can. He goes, guys, you won't believe what happened to my mom. He goes, last night, when she was running, she got a thorn in her eye, and she had to go have it surgically removed by this doctor. And these boys are like, dude, are you kidding me? Your mom is amazing. I laughed so hard, and my eye was fine after that.

But I thought, man, I could have missed that. I could have missed that because of all the things that I had to do around the house. And it's really easy to have that mindset of, like, these things are so important. I need to get them done. And I know they're important, but sometimes we need to be intentional about saying, I'm gonna pour into this area to make a memory.

And it doesn't have to be that you're playing capture the flag. I've got sister-in-laws, and one of them is this great cook. So they have all these kids in that are cooking. One of them is this reader where she tells these epic tales. But however God has wired you, I think it's important. Like he's made me like this. How has he made you? And how can you create memories out of that?

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Speaker 1

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Speaker 2

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Speaker 1

By the way, we're still doing this with our grandkids now.

Cause Ann won't tell you this, but you know, back then she was sprinting through the woods to, you know, win the game, capture the flag.

A couple weeks ago she tried sprinting away from our son playing soccer, baseball.

Speaker 2

We were playing flag football, flag football.

Speaker 1

And pulled her hamstring. Couldn't walk for like tore it so bad it was black and blue all the way down her legs. So this is a value we don't just talk about. We see, still try to do whether we can physically pull it off or not.

But I think one of the things to realize is, like what you said earlier, is that your home, your condo, your apartment, or wherever your family dwells, is significant. If we understand what God wants to do in us as a family, and if you're a follower of Christ, he wants to use you to be a light in a dark area. Whether it's an apartment complex or a neighborhood, you've got people around you who don't go to church and don't believe in God like you do. He's placed you there. It's like a strategic placement of the light of God, Jesus followers in a neighborhood.

What is going to draw families and kids to your home? Joy. Fun. Joy is a magnet. And by the way, joy is a choice. It's not just an emotion. You have to choose joy whether life's going well or not going well. But when you choose joy, it draws people in. There's no one that's pushed away by joy. They are pulled into a home that has some life, joy, and fun.

I'm not saying we don't go through hard times, but when they sense, man, this family, this mom and this dad, or this single mom—there's something that brings kids to your front yard, your backyard, your trampoline. We've always had a trampoline, and now our kids have trampolines too.

Let us share some scripture that talks about joy. It's pretty powerful.

Speaker 2

Let me read, first of all, Proverbs 15:13. A glad heart makes a happy face. A broken heart crushes the spirit. Interesting.

Speaker 1

Think about that talk about a happy face. That's a magnet.

Speaker 2

Yeah.

Speaker 1

Proverbs 15:15. For the despondent, every day brings trouble. For the happy heart, life is a continual feast.

Speaker 2

Proverbs 17:22. A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person's strength.

And I know you might be thinking, well, I can't help how I feel, but sometimes we're choosing it. You choose to do things that will maybe bring a smile to your face, and if it doesn't bring a smile to your face, maybe it'll bring a smile to your kid's face.

And as a parent, that just always feels good.

Speaker 1

Ecclesiastes 3 says, "A time, there's a time to cry and a time to laugh." That's true. There are times of mourning and crying, and life's hard, and there are times to laugh. I think we do more of the crying than we do laughing. We should have a balance of both.

How about Ecclesiastes 8? It says, "So I recommend having fun because there is nothing better for people in this world than to eat, drink, and enjoy life. That way they will experience some happiness along with all the hard work God gives them under the sun." So, so true.

Speaker 2

Interesting. And then, you know, you guys have all heard Philippians 4. 4, Rejoice in the Lord always. Again, I will say, rejoice. It's like you're almost telling your soul, come on, rejoice. Rejoice.

Speaker 1

Nehemiah 8 says, the joy of the Lord is your strength.

Speaker 2

What do you think that means?

Speaker 1

I mean, it's somehow connecting strength in our lives to the joy of Jesus. So the question would be, is, how strong is your life? How strong is your house? How strong is your family? There's a connection between joy and our strength. Obviously, it's found in the Lord.

But, you know, we want to create a home or a space in our kids' lives where they feel strong, and that means joy is a part of it. So we decided the atmosphere of joy and laughter laid down in the early years will be a magnet to bring them back in the later years.

Did you hear that? I'm going to say that again.

Speaker 2

That's good.

Speaker 1

An atmosphere of joy and laughter laid down in your kids early years hopefully will draw them back when they're adults.

Speaker 2

Because every kid wants to be seen, they want to be known, they want to be loved, accepted, and safe from the storm in a place where they can just be themselves.

And hopefully, if they don't get it in your home, they're gonna go looking for it somewhere else.

And so we wanna create that intentionally in our homes.

Speaker 1

All right. Talk about some of the ways we did that in early years.

Speaker 2

Well, we started out by just saying, let's have a party night. We called it party night. It was Friday night where only our family was together. And we did something special together that night. We had like, movies, we had popcorn. Like, I made real popcorn. It was a night that they could have a special treat. I think it was the first time they had pop. They could never have it except for like a Friday night or something.

We would play that night. We would do something. We'd go swimming, we'd do something fun. And then we'd have our movie. But that was a big deal. The kids knew Friday night, it's Friday night. And that was fun.

As they got older, it changed. But it was like it changed to become more guided around their age.

Speaker 1

I think they thought when they were little kids, every family did this.

Speaker 2

Yes.

Speaker 1

You know, Cause it was such a routine for us. And that meant saying no to things on Friday nights.

Speaker 2

Yeah.

Speaker 1

Obviously when they hit high school, Friday nights were high school football.

Speaker 2

Right.

Speaker 1

You know, so it was a different deal, but it was 0 to 12. Was sort of the ages. And I think, you know, when they realized not every family does that, it made our family special.

Speaker 2

Yeah. It's like, well, we had a party night song. Do you want to sing it?

Speaker 1

Oh, we're not going to sing the party night song.

Speaker 2

Party night Party night Party night at the Wilson house we'll be there, we'll be square we'll be there in our underwear Leading.

Speaker 1

They thought that was funny.

Speaker 2

They did. And now we have songs for our grandkids. We call them adventure songs. I won't sing it, but it's pretty great.

Speaker 1

What are you talking about? Here, I got one right here.

Speaker 2

Oh, we made up this one. You Made up this one.

Speaker 1

This was on the spot. It's sort of fun. This is our four grandkids sitting on their back deck.

Speaker 2

Four of them. They helped us write this song.

Speaker 1

And this song actually has some meaning to it, too. Only good things I will watch Only good things I will say Only good things I will do to honor you Anyway, that gives you a little glimpse into creating joy and fun.

Speaker 2

Yeah. And they loved it.

Speaker 1

So early years. And by the way, Ann made us get a trampoline. Just saying.

Speaker 2

Yeah. It took us a while to save the money back then, but we had a trampoline tree house.

Speaker 1

We built a tree house with a buddy's old deck wood. And we slept out there.

Speaker 2

Because here's the thing. Remember I said, like, let your house be the place you want everybody to come because you know what's going on.

As a parent, you know, we were there keeping an eye on everybody, listening to the conversations. But we also wanted to influence and love these kids in our neighborhood.

And our kids loved it because they were always there. We had a basketball court. We went camping in the woods. Every last day of school, we did this huge slip and slide with shaving cream.

Speaker 1

Yeah, that was Anthony.

Speaker 2

The kids in the neighborhood were like, it's the last day of school, and it's about the slip and slide with the shaving cream. It was so epic.

Speaker 1

It wasn't the idea for shaving cream. That was crazy.

Speaker 2

I don't know, but it was so funny. I don't know about you, but I need parenting help. And not just sometimes. Most of the time. And so maybe you feel like that, too.

And we have resources to help you as a parent. You can go to familylife.com parentinghelp and you'll find resources that will help you. Not just once in a while, but as much as you need.

Familylife.com parentinghelp.

Speaker 1

How about lost Boys Island?

Speaker 2

Yeah, that was just. There was a cul de sac near our house. And we would take books and we would take food, and we would take blankets and put it in the middle of this wooded cul de sac.

We created this little island that was just ours. And we would tell stories and read books and just eat snacks.

And we told, like, pirate stories. Cause they're all boys. And these great adventure stories.

Speaker 1

I mean, once a year, and some parents will say we're terrible, we would take the kids out of school and go to an amusement park in Ohio near Cedar Point, because all the other kids in Ohio were in school and there's nobody there.

And so I know some of you say, I can't never take my kids out of school. It became an epic one-day adventure every year.

Speaker 2

And we would surprise them periodically. And I know especially teachers, you're not gonna like us, but it's elementary school years.

We knocked on one of the, we told the principal, went into one of the kids' rooms in elementary school. You could never do this today. But we had a big garbage bag and we said, "We're kidnapping our son today."

And we put him in the garbage bag and they threw him over our shoulder. And we went to this movie that they've all been waiting to see. And by the way, we dressed up for the movie.

Speaker 1

Yeah, that'll get edited out. But you know, you can't do any of that kind of stuff today; you'd be thrown in jail.

But you know, when they are adults and now married, we've done some epic vacations together. Like one year down in Florida, we all were together. In fact, our youngest wasn't married yet; he just had his girlfriend.

And we decided Captain America was coming up, so we all dressed as Captain America.

Speaker 2

I think it was the Avengers.

Speaker 1

Yeah, Avengers, that's right. And literally I painted my bald head blue. I mean painted it, didn't get a net. We painted it.

And the greatest thing about it is that paint was supposed to come off. It didn't come off. Trust me. I had a blue bald head for a while.

But I'll never forget. We walk in this movie theater in Florida and everybody looks at us like, who are these weird crazy people?

Take a risk. Those are memories your kids are never going to forget.

Speaker 2

And then as they get older, here's the thing: kids really are enticed by what else their other friends are doing.

And so we decided to up the game a little bit. Some of the things we were doing, we made it a little riskier. They knew what we were doing, but we decided to have a conversation with our small group and friends.

We're like, our kids are becoming teenagers. Hey, can we toilet paper your house tonight? We were just doing.

Speaker 1

We're giving out a lot of bad ideas for families.

Speaker 2

They're like, this is our small group. We're like, yeah, because we'll do it to you too. And we would toilet paper their yard. And many times the next morning we'd go over and clean it up.

But there's something about it. We found out that some of them were coming to our yard to toilet paper. And you got all of the big water. What are they called?

Speaker 1

The Squirt guns. The big, huge.

Speaker 2

The big sunk something.

Speaker 1

Soakers pump Squirt guns.

Speaker 2

Yeah, Super Soakers. Super Soakers.

Speaker 1

Yeah, we got Super Soakers.

Speaker 2

And so as we're waiting for them, Dave, I mean, these guys are pumped out of their minds.

Speaker 1

We were in the front family room with all the lights off, so they didn't think we were home.

And so then pulled up, they were in a minivan. They slid that sliding door open, and we literally ran out and plowed water into that minivan.

And they just screamed and drove away. We won that one.

Speaker 2

Oh. And our kids were like, this was the best night ever. And even one night. This is funny, because, you know, they all know that Dave's the pastor. And so one night, one of the neighborhood girls who lives across the street was over. I think there were probably 12. And we're like, Chelsea, do you want to go toilet papering with us tonight? She goes, I don't know if my mom would think that's a good idea. I'm like, oh, I'll call her. I'll call her for you.

And so I'm like, hey, I called, hey, this is Ann. Hey, we're going to go toilet papering. And it's just our friend's house, so they know we're coming, but can Chelsea come with us? And the mom was like, wait, what are you doing? And it was. Chelsea came with us, and she said, after hers, this was the best night ever.

And here's what happens. Among the play, among the fun, among the laughter, kids start sharing their stories. They start sharing their pain. This is the part that makes me tear up. They start sharing their fears. And if you have a lot of food on the table, kids will sit around and they'll just talk.

Speaker 1

Why are you tearing up? Up? Who are you thinking of? Or what are you thinking?

Speaker 2

I'm thinking of all the kids that have sat at our tables or been in our cars. I'm thinking of all the kids that we've prayed over whose parents were struggling or something's happened at school, or they feel lost or alone, and especially men when they become teenagers.

The stories are rough and they're hard, and kids are looking for a haven. They're looking for the gospel. They're looking for Jesus. They don't know that's what they want.

Speaker 1

To be seen, heard, loved.

Speaker 2

Yeah, loved unconditionally. And so to hug these kids, to put your hand on them, to pray for them, and to then ask them the next time they're over, "We've played and we've done something so fun and silly," and then to say, "Hey, what's going on, you know, with your dad? Are you doing okay?" They need somebody to talk to. They need another adult to talk to.

Especially, like, our kids were all in youth groups, so they had people. These kids, a lot of them don't go to church and they don't have anybody. And, man, we can be that. It's like a beacon. It's the light. You are the light of the world. A city set on the hill. Your house is that beacon of light set on the hill that God can use.

And in the midst of that, you're laughing and having fun. That's the magnet, that's the draw. When they come in. And whatever your thing is, you might be like, "You guys are the weirdest people. We're never doing any of that." But what is it that God has given you? What's in your hands?

Speaker 1

Well, it's interesting too. As our, you know, kids hit the teenage years, we know this. All the other kids think fun and joy happens when you drink.

Speaker 2

Yeah.

Speaker 1

And so they're going to parties, and a lot of them don't want to drink, but they just sort of get peer pressured into it because it looks like it's fun and maybe there's not much fun anywhere else in their life.

We were trying to say the Wilson House can be fun. It can. Again, it's not always fun. It's not joy, joy, joy, but a sense of.

It's a haven. They are seen and heard, and they're gonna laugh.

Speaker 2

And what you did was you bought a hot tub, a used hot tub. Think about all the kids sat in that hot tub.

My dad put in a little basketball court for us, and we put lights on that thing. So you guys played basketball sometimes till like 10 o'clock, midnight. Midnight.

We had that little racket game that we played and volleyball. All these kids are over there because they're looking for a haven; they're longing for.

Speaker 1

Yeah. I'm even remembering a buddy of mine, a single guy named Paul, who I met on a basketball court. After the first time we ever played basketball, he didn't know who I was. He sat beside me as we were taking off our shoes to go home and said, "What's different about you?" I replied, "Well, you like my jump shot? What are you talking about?" He responded, "No, I'm not talking about your skill. You have an attitude I've never seen."

I turned to Paul, who I didn't even know at the time, and said, "If there's anything different about me, it's one thing: it's Jesus." He replied, "Yeah, I'm religious, too, but I'm not..." I interrupted, "Yeah, I'm not talking about religion. I'm talking about a relationship with Jesus."

Long story short, he ended up at our house the following week to help put in a door. Oh yeah, a front door, because he worked for Stanley Door. And so I said, "He got you."

Speaker 2

A deal on the door.

Speaker 1

Of course I'm a deal guy. And he goes, we have, you know, blemish doors. I can get you one for like, five bucks. Yeah, bring it to my house. Because I'm like, there's something happening in his life. I can tell there's a searching. And as we're putting that door together, he starts asking questions and questions and led him to Christ on the family room couch and ended up mentoring him as a young guy. He's never had a dad, never really had a mom.

Speaker 2

Lived in a car for a while.

Speaker 1

And now he's married with kids, and his whole life has changed. And the thing I think, that drew him to our home was there was joy that he saw and he never.

Speaker 2

Experienced in a family.

Speaker 1

Yeah. And so that's how God wants to use your home, your family, as a light to people in darkness. So I don't know what the action step is. I think it's like, ask God how you're wired, what gifts he has put into your hands. For us, it is a sense of joy, it is a sense of fun, it is a sense of adventure. But it's making an intentional choice to say, we are going to create an atmosphere in our family and in our home that draws people not to us, but to the God we worship. And a lot of that's going to have something to do with joy and fun and laughter.

Speaker 2

You're really fun. I'm glad I managed it.

Speaker 1

You're more fun than anybody.

Speaker 2

You're fun.

Speaker 1

I can't even stand it when you're not fun. I'm like, what's wrong with you?

Speaker 2

Hey, thanks for watching. And if you like this episode, you better like it. Just hit that, like, button.

Speaker 1

And we'd like you to subscribe. So all you got to do is go down and hit the subscribe. I can't say the words subscribe. Hit the subscribe button. I don't think I can say this.

Speaker 2

Word like and subscribe. Look at that.

Speaker 1

You say it so easy. Subscribe. There he goes.