FamilyLife Today®

Speaker 1

It's incalculable, the impact that one godly couple can have on generations to come.

And it was my desire, and I knew that it was Blair's desire.

And that though we came, we both came from broken homes, the Lord brought us together in his sovereignty so that we might leave a godly legacy.

Speaker 2

Welcome to family life today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Ann Wilson.

Speaker 3

And I'm Dave Wilson. And you can find us@familylife today.com. this is Family life today. So growing up in Findlay, Ohio, this little town, I was always jealous of this one family, the Barons. And were you?

Speaker 2

She's sitting right there. Yeah.

Speaker 4

Yeah.

Speaker 3

I mean, they were known in our town as this really close-knit family. Now, I knew it wasn't as great as we thought from the outside, but I always was jealous of your dad because, you know, he coached me and I knew your brothers. I played sports with your brothers.

Every time I was near your family, it felt full of joy, felt full of fun, a lot of laughter. And you guys were addicted to sports, so that was awesome. But I think a lot of people in that town felt that about the Barons.

Why you got tears in the Bears?

Speaker 2

I know. It makes me teary just because I just lost both my parents.

And they did create that. Like, they were fun. People wanted to be at our house, not so much because of us kids, but because of my dad.

People would sit down and he would say, "Tell me your story. Tell me who you are. How. How did you?"

And he was great at complimenting other people, wasn't he?

Speaker 1

Yeah.

Speaker 3

I mean, it was.

Speaker 2

He loved you. It helped that you were a good athlete, too.

Speaker 3

Well, it was the kind of family who never wanted to leave their house. You wanted to stay there. It felt warm. It felt inviting.

And I would leave, and I remember getting on my bike and pedaling.

Or then later going home to an empty house with just my mom, who was drinking to hide her pain.

Now we're bringing all that up.

Speaker 2

In one sense, I've already been crying, and we just started.

Speaker 4

I feel sad for you, too.

Speaker 3

You're here on the other side of the room. You got Shia and Blair Lynn in here this day too, talking about your family.

And, you know, Blair wrote a book called *Finding My Father*. So obviously you've had a similar experience.

But again, just let me first say, welcome back to Family Life Today. We're so glad to have you back.

Speaker 4

Thanks. It's good to be back with you guys and Shai.

Speaker 2

It's really good to have both of you here to hear both of your stories and the similarities, too, and the struggle of wanting to have that relationship and also forgiving our fathers.

I think our listeners, I mean, even me having a great dad, there are still things that I had to forgive.

I think this relates to all of us.

Speaker 3

Yeah. And so obviously we've heard a little bit of your story, but even as you hear us talk about that, did you ever feel that in your life because you both had?

You lived in homes that were fatherless in a sense like mine. Did you feel a similar desire to be? I want to be around a family where there's a dad and there's something there that I don't have.

Speaker 4

I remember praying, actually, my grandmother, who was a source of strength, kind of the backbone of our family on my mom's side, and a strong believer. She would pray for us and she would pray that we would have a godly family. I remember at 13 years old praying, "I want to have a godly family now." I had no idea what that even meant, but that was in my mind, that was in my heart, that that's what you wanted. That that's what I wanted.

It's so sad because there weren't many models where I lived. I would look out at the different families that lived around us, or when we lived in an apartment building, below us or to the side of us. There wasn't really anything that I saw that I wanted to model, sadly.

It's crazy. When I was a child, I actually would have an imaginary family, which is really sad, with a dad, you know. Most of what I saw when I thought of a family was something on television and shy.

Speaker 2

You're shaking your head.

Speaker 1

Yeah. Very similar for me. So I didn't know that there was anything other than single parent homes because all of my friends, it was just their mom. So the idea of a dad even being in the home was. Was foreign to me. Yeah.

Speaker 2

And yet look at you two now. I mean, I wonder if your grandmother praying that for you, did that give you a sense of this is what I want as well?

Speaker 4

Absolutely.

Speaker 2

And then God answered that prayer.

Speaker 4

Absolutely.

Speaker 3

Yeah. So as you. As you guys get married, was there a desire? I mean, you've got three kids, right? Was there a desire to see.

Speaker 4

Not before we got married.

Speaker 3

Well, yeah, you didn't have any kids before. You've had them since.

But I know when Ann and I got married, there were two things going on in my mind. She, again, came from this great family.

And again, we're not saying perfect because even as I got in there and...

Speaker 2

There was no faith going on, I.

Speaker 3

Saw all the dysfunctions.

Speaker 2

Yeah.

Speaker 3

There's all I could tell you stories. But anyway, it was just sort of a typical family.

But there was a dad, and I didn't have that. So when we got married, I had two things in my mind. One was I was scared to death to be a dad. I wanted to be one, but I was afraid I didn't know how.

Speaker 2

I just. Yeah. Let me share this, Dave. On our honeymoon, we go out east to the east coast, and we spend two nights in Boston at this great hotel. We're all excited and we're kind of adventurous. We're like, let's take the subway. Let's explore the city.

So we're exploring and on the way back, we get lost on the subway. And I love adventure. I'm like, who cares if we're lost? We're together. This is amazing.

And Dave starts getting mad. We get back to the hotel room, he totally shuts down. We've been married three days at this point. And I'm like, what's wrong?

Speaker 3

And he just had to bring that up, huh? Didn't know we're going there.

Speaker 2

We haven't talked about this in a long time. He starts crying the hardest that I've ever seen him cry. And I'm thinking, what's wrong?

Speaker 3

Yeah. I can remember it like it's yesterday and it's 40 some years ago. I was sobbing. Yeah, very strongly. And I remember trying to understand what I was feeling. I was overwhelmed.

You know, two weeks before our wedding, we went to the Family Life weekend to remember that. Now, for 30 plus years, we're speakers at. But we sat there as an engaged couple. It was the first time in my life I had ever heard a talk from the word of God about what a husband looks like and a dad. And it was great. It was awesome. I've given that talk thousands of times now.

Speaker 2

And you had never heard anything like that?

Speaker 3

Oh, nothing. I'd never. I didn't grow up in a Christian home. Was probably a year and a half old as a follower of Christ. So the good thing was I, for the first time, heard what a man of God and a husband and dad should look like. The bad thing is, I remember walking out going, I'll never be able to do that. You know, partly because I didn't have any model. That's sort of a victim mentality. But I was like, I'll never be able to do it.

So that's what happened on that moment. We get lost. I'm supposed to be able to navigate our way through Boston. I've never been there. But I just. I think what happened is I felt overwhelmed that night. Like, I think I said, I'll never be the man you need.

Speaker 2

You said, I can't do this. Like, you don't get it. Like, I don't know how to do this.

Speaker 3

And the good thing is now when I teach that, I say to the guys, if you're feeling overwhelmed right now, that's where God wants you. That's right, because he wants you to go. You're right. You won't be this man. But I can if you let me.

So I say all that to say, you know, there was this fear, but there's also this excitement, like, I get to change a legacy.

How did you get guys walk into? Was there any of that going on in your life?

Speaker 1

Yeah. So when, when we got engaged, I. I proposed to Blair at the Lincoln Memorial in D.C. a few feet away from where Martin Luther King gave his I have a dream speech.

Speaker 3

Seriously?

Speaker 2

That's cool.

Speaker 1

And, and the.

Speaker 3

Did you know it was going to happen?

Speaker 4

I didn't know.

Speaker 3

Wow.

Speaker 4

But the whole church knew, because when we came back, everyone like, oh, okay, I see how this is. Okay.

Speaker 1

And, and, and, and the thing that I, I communicated on that day, and which we had already talked about before, was that it's incalculable the impact that one godly couple can have on generations to come.

And it was my desire. And I knew that it was Blair's desire to have a godly legacy.

And that though we came, we both came from broken homes, the Lord brought us together in his sovereignty so that we might leave a godly legacy.

And that's what we began to walk in.

Speaker 3

Chai, when you're saying that, here's what hit me. The Ten Commandments, Exodus 20. I know you're familiar with this. You're a pastor, man, you preach this stuff, right? You probably don't spoken word on this.

Speaker 2

I don't know.

Speaker 3

You know, verse four. It's one of the commands: you shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on earth below or in the waters below. And then he says this: you shall not bow down to them or worship them. For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me.

And I often thought about that. That's all I heard. So I realized, wow, I came from two alcoholic parents, adultery, divorce. You know, there's going to be this sin that could possibly be transferred through me to the third and fourth generations. Nobody ever read the next verse.

It's actually—he just keeps on going. In verse six, he says, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments. So when you're just saying that, Shai, it's like you're living out the other side of that.

Like, no, no, no, no. There's this beauty of the righteous man and woman. I am going to extend that for thousands of generations. And you get to—we get to change the name and the legacy that was part of what you guys were hoping for as you got married.

Speaker 4

Absolutely. And praise be to God. Yeah. That he loved us first. That's why we're able to love him.

And we praying that it would impact so many generations beyond ourselves.

And it's amazing to be able to think often about Shai. What was the scripture that you shared with me?

Speaker 1

It was like, God can raise children for Abraham out of stones.

Speaker 4

Yeah. You know, and just to see that the Lord, you know, though you've dealt with very hard things, not having our fathers in our lives, that doesn't have to be the end of the story. God changes our story so often for his glory.

Speaker 1

And you think about the new birth. That's what God does. Right. He regenerates us. He makes all things new. The old has gone, the new has come.

And as we were just talking, it reminded me of our children. So we have three kids: 10, 7, and 6 right now.

Speaker 3

And you guys are in the middle of it. Those are great ages. They're busy.

Speaker 4

Yeah.

Speaker 1

And one of the things that struck me a while back was we were talking to the kids, and I was telling them about a cousin that they have who had a child out of wedlock.

And one of our kids looks to us and says, wait, where's his wife?

And I said, well, he doesn't. They're not married.

And he said, wait, how can someone have a child if they're not married?

Speaker 2

Wow.

Speaker 1

In his mind, it was unfathomable that you could have a child without being married. And that's all he knows with, you know, with us. And so that was just a moment of man. Like, the Lord is doing it. He's starting fresh with the next generation.

Speaker 2

I love one of the things that you say in your book, Blair. You say, we don't need to hide that father wound.

We don't need to pretend that we aren't really that affected by our father's absence.

Like, I'm thinking that, like, so many of us do hide those wounds, right?

Speaker 4

That's right. And we don't know. We often are not aware of how we're being impacted by our father's absence. Even when we talk about the statistics, there are so many statistics that show, like, you know, sociologists are very clear that fathers matter. It's so evident because when you look at, for example, whether it's the obesity rates or the likelihood of coming into contact with police, just not having your dad in the home makes a significant difference. You're more likely to be suicidal without your dad in the home.

Something that we dealt with that was very close to home was the fact that the infant mortality rate doubles when the dad is not in the home. I talk about this in the book when my mom told us that she was actually going to have another child. Later, unfortunately, my brother passed away. It's like, who would have known that these were the statistics that were kind of, in a sense, stacked up against us? But how the Lord is like, I can look at you. I can shield you. I can cover you.

I didn't even experience many things that many other people who are fatherless experience. I think the Lord shielded me from a lot—teen pregnancy, going to jail, or things like that. But even in that, the Lord says, I can still cover you. I can still make all things new where you can create a legacy. It doesn't actually have to mean that you have to get married and have biological children.

I even talk about this in the book. Legacy looks like discipleship. It looks like pouring your life out as a single sister or brother. It looks like asking how you can pour into the next generation. How are you going to leave a mark and show the love of Christ to the next person coming along?

So, yes, may God's name be praised through all of us, regardless of the situation that we're in or the season of life that we're in. We're here to bring His name glory and praise.

Speaker 2

And as I hear your story, I can't help but think of all the fathers you have in your church, in a way, and the couples would you say, like, what would you be without that community?

Speaker 1

There are tangible examples of men that I can point to over the years who have, you know, it's been a community thing. So it hasn't just been getting everything from one person, but just kind of, again, gleaning from different people over the years.

And, you know, I think about things like family worship, which is something that I had no concept of. We didn't even eat dinner at the table when I was growing up. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2

What did that look like when somebody told you about that?

Speaker 1

Well, it wasn't him telling me about it. It was him showing me. It was him inviting us over for dinner. And then after dinner, taking time to open up the Scriptures and.

Speaker 2

With his kids.

Speaker 1

With his kids, yeah. And so it was modeled.

And I was like, wow, this is great. I've never didn't have a category for this, and that's something that we've instilled in our home.

And then we've been able to invite others in in the same way that we were invited in.

Speaker 2

So do you do a family worship?

Speaker 1

We do.

Speaker 3

What's that look like?

Speaker 4

Yeah, what does it look like?

Speaker 1

So. So after dinner, we'll open the Bible and, you know, we're going through the Book of Mark now. And so I'll read the passage and.

Speaker 4

Usually the previous text.

Speaker 1

Well, yeah, so we'll. Yeah, we'll do a recap of what we did before asking the kids questions about it.

Speaker 3

And every day, every week.

Speaker 1

As much as we can. Yeah, yeah, yeah, as much as we can.

Speaker 3

So you. You bring the kids in, you're asking them questions, and you ask them questions.

Speaker 1

About what we just read.

Speaker 4

And then it's just after dinner. So we're all gathered.

Speaker 1

Yeah, we're already there.

Speaker 2

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1

And then we'll read the next passage. I'll ask them questions about it, and so we'll have a discussion. Sometimes it goes for 10 minutes, sometimes it goes for 30 minutes, just depending on how the discussion goes.

And then I'll connect it to the gospel. How does this relate to Christ? Wherever we are in the Bible.

And then we'll sing, pray, and that's it, we're done.

Speaker 4

And then we also. We, like, sing right before bed too.

Speaker 2

You do?

Speaker 3

So we love to sing every night. Let's sing something.

Speaker 2

Can you do that every night? Sing one of your songs.

Speaker 4

Oh, what?

Speaker 2

Yeah.

Speaker 1

Love you happened. What are we doing right now? What just happened?

Speaker 3

Lar said you're going to sing.

Speaker 4

A song's going to sing.

Speaker 1

I mean, we could sing together if you like.

Speaker 2

Let's do it.

Speaker 3

I got a guitar. You.

Speaker 2

So this is before bedtime. You'll sing this song over your kids.

Speaker 4

We sing different songs every night.

Speaker 1

Different songs.

Speaker 2

Will they sing with you or you sing?

Speaker 1

They sing with us.

Speaker 3

Yeah.

Speaker 4

And then we pray.

Speaker 1

Yeah. So one of the things we did very early on, we've been singing since, you know, Sage was a toddler. And so even, I mean, so they've just kind of. That's all they know.

Speaker 2

Yes.

Speaker 1

Yeah.

Speaker 4

So now actually, and one of the pastors. So when I moved to Washington D.C. right before we got married, there was like a two month window and I was staying with a family, one of the pastors at our church.

I remember him saying, "We've been singing with our kids since they were six months old," you know, and I just thought, "Six months old, wow." You know, and yeah, we just kind of, you know, as you learn and grow and you see what other families are doing and you say, "Oh, do that," you know, or, "No, we're not gonna do that."

You know, but that's something that we've kept and it's been different.

Speaker 1

I have recordings of our oldest Sage singing Holy, Holy, Holy. At six months.

Speaker 3

At six months.

Speaker 1

Six months.

Speaker 3

You have genius kids.

Speaker 4

Well, Sage is a genius.

Speaker 2

Well, I was at our middle son Austin's house and they were putting their kids to bed. But they do the same thing. They sing over them. I got teary when he was doing like, this is the best.

Speaker 4

We didn't do this.

Speaker 2

We prayed every night.

Speaker 3

Well, that's what I was thinking. If there's a family listening, are like, okay, I can't imagine us singing with our kids at night, which in one sense might well take a risk. You could end up going there.

Speaker 2

Kids usually love it, but what would.

Speaker 3

You say to a family? It's like, we're not church planters. We're not pastors. We don't know the word like you guys do.

But we want to do a family worship devotional. We want that to be a part of our family.

What would you tell them to? Where would they start?

Speaker 1

Yeah, I mean, all families are different, but at the same time, I mean, we are commanded in scripture. Certain things are commanded. Right. So we're called to sing to one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs. And that doesn't have to be limited to the corporate gathering on Sundays.

In fact, I believe we should see what we do on Sundays as an outgrowth or an overflow of what's already happening during the week so that the kids don't have this sharp dichotomy between Sunday and everything else. It's just like, well, no, we are worshiping God throughout the week, and now we get to worship him with the corporate body of God's people.

So to that person, I would say you don't have to be a pastor, you don't have to be a scholar. If you have a Bible, you can open it, you can read it. You don't even have to have the gift of teaching. You can just read the passage.

So even if it's just 10 minutes of opening the Bible, reading the passage, discussing it, praying, and calling it a day, even if it's just that, like, just that small step of faithfulness, God will honor that.

Speaker 4

Yeah, there's no law, you know, it's not like this is the way we do it. And you have to do it that way.

The Lord can be praised in so many different ways.

And if it is just taking two minutes to read one verse every day, you know, or every other day, his.

Speaker 1

Word won't return void.

Speaker 4

Yes, it won't, you know, or to stop and just pray with your children, to pray for your children. And I just think, I think about my grandmother who prayed for me so often. Just about every day she prayed for me.

I was sharing recently as she got older, she had dementia. And my aunt would say she would still pray for her children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren every day. It was so a part of who she was, that intercession.

And, you know, we need to be interceding for our children. And I think it's beautiful for them to hear our prayers if possible, you know, so just trust the Lord. Even again, if it's a two-minute prayer and reading one verse.

Speaker 2

And I would say too, we have this especially before our kids are driving. We have time with them in the car. Like car time is amazing.

It's not just about catching up with them, but also about praying. I just got into that habit when they were infants, buckling them in. I would just pray out loud, and that just became so normal.

Now, we pray before school, we pray after school. "How'd your day go?" We pray about the things that went on, whether they were good or hard.

We always say mealtime, bedtime, and drive time are great opportunities for just connecting.

Speaker 3

Those are moments to seize.

Speaker 2

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3

You know, earlier I thought you were gonna sing.

Speaker 2

So what happened to that, Dave? I think they were kind of weaseled out.

Speaker 3

You got like a chorus. Look, Blair wants to do it for.

Speaker 1

From him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forevermore. To him be glory forever.

Speaker 4

Amen.

Speaker 1

Amen. Amen.

Speaker 3

Okay, so we actually got you to Sing.

Speaker 4

Which was amazing.

Speaker 3

Yeah. I mean, I literally was shy when you said, I'm not singing. And then she hit one note. You're in.

Speaker 2

Hey. Now picture this. Like, I'm thinking of being in my bed and my parents singing over me. Imagine that, like, as growing up. Can you imagine what you would feel?

Speaker 3

No, I can't.

Speaker 2

Like, your kids don't know any different. Cause they've had it their whole lives. But the power of the gospel being sung over them every night. Amazing.

Speaker 3

Yeah. I hope you keep doing it when they're teenagers.

Speaker 4

Yeah.

Speaker 3

Because I can imagine to be like, mom, dad, you know, maybe not. But, you know, you get to the age where it's like. But I think they love it so much.

Speaker 2

Don't stop.

Speaker 3

They may say, hey, not tonight, but they're gonna love it.

Speaker 4

Do you remember a brother who mentioned about family worship and the impact of it? Can you share a little bit?

Speaker 1

Yeah. There's a pastor friend of mine who was sharing how they had Bible time, family worship every day. And the youngest son, when he got 18, was about to go off to college. This son was the most unruly child of all. When they would have their family worship time, he was the one that always had to be disciplined. He was loud and kind of running all over the place. At times, the dad wondered if he was even paying attention.

When it was time for him to go to college at 18, the son was standing in the living room and started to tear up as he was staring at the couch. The dad asked, "What's going on?" The son replied, "You know, Dad, for my entire life, I sat there on that couch as you faithfully opened God's word. Now that I'm about to leave, I'm really gonna miss it." He just broke down.

It was so encouraging to hear that it was small steps of faithfulness over time that God honored.

Speaker 4

But sometimes you're not sure. Is this making an impact, you know.

Speaker 2

Because you're running around and they're not saying, dad's, thank you. That was incredible.

Speaker 1

I mean, and then, especially when the kids are young, there's vomit all over the place. You know what I mean? They're tickling each other. What's happening right now? You know? And so, yeah, that was really encouraging to hear.

Speaker 3

And yet you have a real passion for teaching children, not just your own. You've written a book on how, you know, parents can help transfer their faith in their kids.

Speaker 1

Yeah. So there's a book which is God made me and you'd. Which is basically how parents can disciple their kids in appreciating God's diversity in creation. And then there's an album called Jesus Kids.

Speaker 2

Yeah, he only wrote an album, but it's.

Speaker 1

Yeah, there's an album called Jesus.

Speaker 3

This is a guy that almost didn't want to sing.

Speaker 4

I know, right?

Speaker 1

And Jesus Kids is. It's a children's album.

And it's basically, it's a tool for parents to encourage their children in the gospel.

And so I have a song called the Gotta Know the Books, which is basically the books of the Bible in rap form, which is a way to teach.

Yeah, the books of the Bible.

Speaker 2

You may not know this, but I play that all the time. And one of our granddaughters, our middle son Austin's. His kids can do all the books.

Speaker 1

Really?

Speaker 3

Really?

Speaker 2

They played it. I'm like, who is this guy? He's amazing.

Speaker 3

He's sitting right here in the studio.

Speaker 2

I know.

Speaker 1

Praise the Lord. And so.

Speaker 3

Yeah, we're not gonna get you to do it, are we?

Speaker 1

We're not. That's not gonna happen.

Speaker 2

But I'm gonna tell our listeners, you gotta know that.

Speaker 4

No, no. If I start maybe.

Speaker 3

No, yeah.

Speaker 2

I'm telling you as listeners, if you have kids, you need to play this, put it in your car, play it because your kids are gonna start singing this.

I love it because it's also, as I'm listening, I've listened to the whole thing. It's incredibly theological.

Speaker 1

That's right.

Speaker 2

And you have these pockets of teaching in there of catechism.

Speaker 1

That's right.

Speaker 2

That's so good.

Speaker 3

Passion come from. Where, where did the idea come from?

Speaker 1

Which idea?

Speaker 3

You know, I'm going to do a book. I'm going to write music for kids to learn theology.

Speaker 1

I think part of it is my love for CS Lewis and just seeing the power of stories for children that are theologically grounded and just how that can live for generations to come. Again, we talk, we're talking about legacy.

Music is such a powerful tool, such a powerful gift from God. It enables a person to hear something and be able to recall it because it's memorable. It's a singable melody.

Having worked as a Christian hip hop artist for some time and then having kids of our own, it was like, it was a no brainer. Let's do something that can help by God's grace to shape and disciple children.

Speaker 2

We're Ann and Dave Wilson and we've been talking with Blair and Shylyn on Family Life Today. I love these guys and maybe you would love to get their book called *Finding My Father: How the Gospel Heals the Pain of Fatherlessness*.

I love that Blair gets into her story of healing with her dad. You can get your copy now if you go online to familylifetoday.com, or you can find the link in the show notes, or you can just call us at 800-358-6329. That's 800-F as in family, L as in life, and then the word today.

Speaker 3

I mean, this is some great stuff.

And let me just say, if you need help as a parent, we have help for you at familylife.com/parentinghelp. Did you hear me?

Go to familylife.com/parentinghelp, and you will find some of the best stuff we've ever done on parenting.

Speaker 2

See you again tomorrow for another edition of Family Life today.

Speaker 3

Family Life Today is a donor supported production of Family Life Accrue ministry, helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.