FamilyLife Today®

Speaker 1

What we are doing as moms is life changing. It is so powerful. This is not some small thing.

Like, I think sometimes we take parenting, there's this dichotomy because on the one hand, we don't control the outcome. We can't put our identity in parenting. It's a walk of faith.

But on the other hand, it's a high and sacred calling. It's worth our time and attention. And if God gives you these treasures, then put a little time and energy and prayer into raising them up for the Lord as a sacred calling.

Speaker 2

Welcome to Family Life Today where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Dave Wilson.

Speaker 3

And I'm Ann Wilson. And you can find us atfamilylife today.com. this is Family Life today. One of my most embarrassing moments as a young mom.

Speaker 2

I love embarrassing moments. I don't even know what you're going to say, but I know I'm going to love it.

Speaker 3

I have to frame it a little bit. Like, my mom was the cleanest person I've ever met. Like, everything was perfect, perfect in our house. And my dad was very much like a perfectionist.

And so they decided to surprise me one day and drive four hours to come and see me without telling me. The house was an absolute wreck. Like, you know, if you have toddlers, there's food on the floor, there's junk all over. I had a pile of laundry that was so high.

Speaker 2

We had two dogs.

Speaker 3

My mom and dad looked at the house like, what is happening here? But I'm trying to raise our kids focused on Jesus. We're praying like it's chaos, but that was the hope. Like, it's Jesus centered. But I felt like such a failure. And my dad never let me live that down, ever. He's like, remember when we came to your house and it was like, looked like a tornado came through.

But I said, yeah, but at least we're like seeking Jesus every day. And so the reason I bring that up.

Speaker 2

Yeah, I wanna know what's the reason.

Speaker 3

For this is because we're talking about a sacred home and what that looks like. And sometimes we can think of sacred as being perfect. And as we've been talking the last two days, that's not at all what it necessarily means.

Speaker 2

Yeah, we got Jennifer Pepito back in. You know, it's fun to say your name. You know, I mean, ours is so boring. Wilson Pepito. That is pretty cool name.

Speaker 1

Exciting.

Speaker 3

What was your maiden name?

Speaker 1

Giori. It was Hungarian. It was G Y O R I. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2

You went up, you know, you went up.

Speaker 3

I think that one's pretty cool, though.

Speaker 2

You guys don't believe it.

Speaker 1

When I was real proud of the heritage. But I loved your story, and it highlights. Like you might be living a less sacred home if it's perfectly clean all the time.

Oh, good point. I mean, I love, like, I love the atmosphere of the home. I feel like it is part of the teacher. Like, if you can get rid of some stuff so it's easier to clean up, if you can minimize the toys your kids can pick up after themselves. If you can, you know, don't buy as much so you don't have as much to put away.

But if you're spending all your time cleaning and you're not at all looking your kids in the eyes or connecting with them or connecting with God, then it's not very sacred, honestly. It might be clean and tidy, but that's not what this is about. This is about having homes that are consecrated to God.

Speaker 2

Yeah, you said that on the first day. And, you know, we took a little break before this third one, and I was in the restroom. I get my best ideas in the restroom.

And I thought. I thought, oh, goodness, we talked about this the first day. You think sacred home is this perfect little home.

And I thought, you know, this is how we originally, it was always like, sweet home that is sacred, where the kids always obey.

Speaker 1

I'd be impressive that you came up with Dieth about.

Speaker 2

I thought that is sort of where we were the first day. It's like, does sacred mean tidy? Never a laundry high thing. No, it's these nine habits of rural life. We've already established that. If you missed it, go back.

Speaker 3

Yeah.

Speaker 2

Because these were life changing, I believe. I wish we would have heard it.

Speaker 3

Brings hope to a mom, especially.

Speaker 2

Yeah. I mean, when we had little boys. I wish we had heard this maintained.

Speaker 1

And you know what? I mentioned earlier that one of my favorite habits is balance. So there's like stewardship and simplicity and prayer and work and all these habits. But one of my favorites is balance.

And the person I use as the hero of the chapter is Madeline L'Engle, which I don't think many of us would look to as a Christian hero. You know, I don't think many of us would be like, oh, she's an icon of godly motherhood.

Speaker 3

Wait, but tell us who she is.

Speaker 1

She wrote the *Wrinkle in Time* series. And actually, at the time that she was writing, she got a lot of flack from Christians for them being a little out there. But she was, you know, a dedicated Christian. She was, you know, reading her Bible morning and night and spending time in her church. But at the same time, there's a lot of chaos in her family. She had a grandchild who was in a serious accident, and I think a son was an alcoholic. So there was a lot of chaos. But she kept doing those Christian practices and kept confessing Jesus as Lord in the midst of those trials.

I think that is really important for moms to recognize. Like, you know, I have friends who are going through it. My family has been through it. You know, things are not perfect. We've had our trials and our failures and our experiences where we could have lost hope. But instead of just recognizing that I'm saved by grace and starting to live a licentious life or trying to just keep on doing works and putting all the effort into my behavior, there's this balancing act where we just continually lean on the Lord.

In both of my books, I've talked a lot about forgiveness because I think it was a big key for me shifting from an identity that was based on my works to an identity that was in Christ. I've made a practice even of forgiving myself because I think, as moms, like I mentioned a few days ago, when we start making mistakes as a mom, it's easy to identify by our mistakes. But for me, instead of doing that, I've begun to have a practice of saying, like, "God, thank you for forgiving me of all my sins. And because of your forgiveness, I choose to forgive myself."

I'm receiving His grace, and I will even name some of the things that I've done that have made me feel those feelings of unrest. Like, "God, I forgive myself for neglecting my child this morning. I forgive myself for yelling at my child." I yelled at my kids. I've made all the same mistakes that you might be feeling or making right now.

Speaker 2

How important do you feel it is for a mom, and it would be for a dad, to forgive someone that's hurt you? So you're talking about forgiving yourself but also forgiving somebody else in order to create a sacred home. How important is that?

Because, you know, you mentioned yesterday that you had some trauma in your past. I don't want to go there, but I sort of want to go there. It's like, have you had to forgive?

Speaker 1

Yeah, that's such a good question. Because I feel like, you know, there's a verse. I've been doing a lot of study on this because there's a verse that Says, don't let the sun go down your wrath.

Speaker 2

Ephesians 4.

Speaker 1

Yeah, right.

Speaker 3

Because the devil could get a foothold.

Speaker 1

Right. And there's a saying. I love this saying. It says, bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting for your enemy to die.

Speaker 3

We're so easily offended today.

Speaker 1

Yes. And it's a crusher for our relationship with God, because the more we hold onto offense, the harder it is for us to experience God.

And it's not about being in relationship with somebody who's a perpetrator. Forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. I can forgive the person who molested me when I was six years old, but I'm never gonna have a relationship with that person.

Speaker 2

Yeah.

Speaker 3

And I think too, as you're talking, Jennifer, it can be right next door. I remember going to bed feeling angry, feeling guilty, feeling shame about what I did as a parent that day. I wrestled with that.

But the other thing that was going on, it wasn't a huge forgiveness thing. I was mad at Dave a lot, and I was blaming him a lot.

Speaker 2

And I deserved it.

Speaker 3

He's right next to me in the bed. But what I realized, it was sucking the energy, the life, because I wasn't necessarily forgiving him before the sun went down or doing it quickly.

And if we allow bitterness to take root now, my focus on my kids, I'm thinking about all the ways Dave has offended me. Do you know what I mean? So I'm not necessarily totally present with my kids because I've got this bitterness and this root of unforgiveness, and that matters.

It may not be this tragic thing that happened to you in the past, but it could be just something your husband said today.

Speaker 2

I mean, when that's in a sacred home, how do you deal with it?

Speaker 1

You know, I love that both of you mentioned that. And especially talking about how easy it is to blame someone else. And you guys talked about that on the last episode, too.

And that is part of why I really want moms to get a vision. Like, get a vision for the kind of person. Because if you think you're a victim, if you think you're victimized by the people around you, you're going to behave differently than if you think.

I'm like Corrie ten Boom. I go into hard situations and I handle them with grace. I'm like Amy Carmichael. I suffer in bed for years and years, and I write books helping people know how to suffer and still lean on the Lord.

You know, if your identity is clear, then you can behave aligned with that identity, even when the struggles come, which they will.

Speaker 3

I'm thinking of the apostle Paul. Think about the years he spent in prison. He could have felt like, "God, you abandoned me. What am I doing here?" And if he would have gone that route, we wouldn't have most of the New Testament.

And so I think you're right. It's about where our eyes are. Are we the victim? Or can we say, "Lord, you've placed me here. What do you want me to do? How can I serve you in this situation?"

That's really good. I mean, how do you and I like that? Stability, too. That's important.

Speaker 2

Yeah. I want to talk about simplicity. What does that look like? Because we live in a world that's so not simple.

The more you're doing, the better you are. We brag about it. I barely had time to eat today. It's like, oh, you're the man. You're the woman. Way to go.

Speaker 3

It's a good one for you.

Speaker 2

Okay. That's probably why I'm bringing it up, because I can run in a lot of directions all at once. You know, I'm juggling a lot of.

Speaker 3

Things, and I do the same.

Speaker 2

And simplicity is not a value. Why should it be a value?

Speaker 1

Yeah. You know, I think for me, it's a value because the more I carve out simplicity, the more connected I am to God. Because when I'm super busy, then I'm more likely to numb out in the downtime because I'm overwhelmed or overstimulated. And then my connection to God and my children and my husband is diminished.

I think this also connects for women with their hormones. And I know this isn't a health podcast or something, but sometimes women, we get ourselves so busy when we actually should be carving out a little bit of space. If we simplify our lives, we could be nicer to the people around us.

And the hero of that chapter is Sabina Wurmbrand. She was imprisoned by the communists in Romania.

Speaker 3

I've never heard of her.

Speaker 1

Her husband, Richard Wurmbrand. Her and her husband started the Voice of the Martyrs Organization.

Speaker 3

Oh, that's right.

Speaker 1

So they originally were Minister strange to people in communist countries and then later on to people around the world. But she was imprisoned for her faith. And so her simplicity was kind of a forced simplicity. But even afterwards, her husband was still in prison. The communists were saying, divorce your husband and you can have stuff again, and we'll give you access to fine things. And, you know, her status, her social status could have been raised if she had divorced her Christian husband, who was still in jail for preaching the Gospel. And basically, she could have chosen comfort over this forced simplicity.

But, you know, the Bible says, better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere. And I think she got that. And I think sometimes we don't get it because we're so distracted by all this stuff. You know, sometimes we don't understand that in his presence is fullness of joy, because we haven't given ourselves time to experience that because we're so busy buying stuff and then organizing the stuff that we bought.

You know, I had this one summer where I was traveling a lot. I had had a new book out. I got back, and we were trying to organize our house for a move, like we were moving to Airbnb for a little while. And I was like, what is all this stuff in my kid's bedroom? There was so much stuff in the closet, under the bed, in the drawers. I was just completely overwhelmed by it. And part of that was, you know, a lack of good habits leading up to it. Because if we'd had a better habit of stewardship of our things leading up to that, if we'd had a better habit of, like, okay, if you can't take care of the stuff you have, maybe you shouldn't have more stuff, you know?

And I think in my mom groups, I encourage moms to don't have out more toys than your kids can pick up. That's just doing yourself a disservice if they can't take care of their stuff, just have less stuff. But I wasn't practicing what I preached there. And so there's this big overwhelming circumstance of trying to sort through all this stuff with my son, who at this point was overwhelmed himself and, you know, just recognizing, wow, I spent a whole day of my life organizing this. We could have been on a hike. We could have been having a meal together. There's a lot of things we could have done aside from organizing all day.

But that is what we're doing so often in this culture is we're just constantly buying new things, and then we have to organize the stuff. We see something on Instagram, we're like, I need to buy this, even though we have a lot of other things just like it. And then so much time that could be spent connecting with God or our children or our husband is spent sorting our stuff.

Speaker 3

I think we're running away from things. We're numbing out on things. We don't Want to face some of the realities. And that's our go to.

Speaker 2

I mean, it should be a dashboard light flashing when we realize, I have so much stuff, it doesn't fit in my huge house, so I need a storage unit.

You know, we have the biggest houses in the world. Not saying we do, but, you know, Americans, and we have storage units. That's not simplicity.

So what does that look like in your home?

Speaker 1

Yeah, and, you know, simplicity doesn't matter, except that if our value is to be a connected family, if our value is to nurture children who love God, if our value is to raise people who are responsible with their things, then simplicity becomes a habit that we should work towards.

So in our home, I mean, for one thing, we move a lot. Like, we have been involved in Christian missions and serving in communities. So we've had enough moves that there is a fairly constant purging of the unused items. But also, we're pretty careful about what we buy. Like, we do think about the impact on the world of some of the things that we buy or some of the places that we buy from.

Or, you know, we don't shop as recreation. We go on a hike together as recreation. Or we go. We're in Florida. We spent the day yesterday trying to spot an alligator. Like, we were going on all these little nature trails and stuff, trying to see if we could spot an alligator.

So, you know, we. We definitely.

Speaker 2

I'm guessing you did.

Speaker 1

We did. Not yet, but we're gonna go to Alligator Alley this afternoon.

Speaker 2

You'll see him.

Speaker 1

Yeah. So, you know, the way you spend your time shows your values. This is why we always go back to the question of what your vision is and the importance of auditing your time. If you say that your value is people, connection, spending time with God, or doing ministry, but you spend all your time watching shows and scrolling through Instagram reels, then your values in your actual daily life don’t line up. So, how could you adjust that a little bit to make more time for what truly matters?

I have mostly adults living in my home now, and it is a little harder for all of us to gather and do the romantic morning time that we enjoyed for all those years. However, I’ll stand in the hallway at the top of the stairs, and we’ll all say the Apostles' Creed or the Lord's Prayer together. I’ll read the Bible out loud from the hallway because I’m not necessarily in a stage of life where I can gather everyone for hours of reading aloud by the fire like we did when they were younger.

But I’m also in a consecrated home, and I make an effort every day to nurture my children's spiritual development. They all have their own spiritual disciplines at this point, but it’s still my monastery. It’s still my sacred home. So, I’m still going to take the time to show them that it’s a value for me.

Speaker 2

You get that stir stick in the ground, taking this home for Jesus.

Speaker 1

Yes.

Speaker 3

Well, let's talk. Let's.

Speaker 2

I want to ask one quick one about that. What did you do about youth sports?

Speaker 1

We didn't do a lot. We've done, you know, my son plays rugby right now. Another son did a season of football.

Speaker 2

Yeah.

Speaker 1

So we did a little bit of it.

Speaker 2

But I mean, that is a huge distraction. Idol, you talk about simplicity. Many families I know are running from one soccer game to the orchestra concert. And again, these are all good things.

Speaker 3

I was gonna say, those are really. They can be great, but they hardly.

Speaker 2

Sit down and even have a meal together. Cause there's not the time to do that. When our kids were playing football, Ann said, "We're gonna have a meal every night." So we're gonna wait till after practice. And we still did it.

But some families don't even do that because they're so busy. And it's like, this is how you raise a family. And you're saying it doesn't have to be that way.

Speaker 3

Yeah.

Speaker 1

And use car time. Like we listen to the dwell up Bible out loud on the way up this morning. Use car time. Use the in-between moments to look your kids in the eyes and assure them of your love. I think there's so much to be gained from some of these community activities like orchestra or sports or whatever it is. But are your values being instituted in your family?

Because I think the danger is thinking you have to do the same thing. We had a heart for missions. We wanted to be able to do short-term missions. We lived as full-time missionaries for a while. That was a priority. We also had a heart for country life, living in the country, and having gardens and simple living. Those things precluded sports for us in general because those were our values.

When people try to do too much, that's when you really get in trouble. You're doing multiple sports, trying to homestead, and also doing music lessons. That's where you can really get in over your head and cause some breakdown and burnout. But if you can pace yourselves, maybe just choose one thing at a time or make sure to go back to the values of the rule of life.

We actually have a rule of life template that people can access on Canva. Throughout the book, at the end of each chapter, there's a chance to write down, like, okay, simplicity is a value. Our goal here is we're not going to buy something new unless we get rid of something. Or work is a value, so we're going to institute three basic chores every day. Or prayer is a value, so at the end of the chapter, you can write down what that rule of life is going to be for your family and really start to get some practical applications on it.

Speaker 3

Let's finish by talking about prayer, because with a busy family, with things going on, how do we make that a priority? And why Amy Carmichael as your example, of course.

Speaker 1

Amy Carmichael. You know, it's interesting because in there I include a letter that she wrote.

Speaker 3

Tell us who she is first.

Speaker 1

So Amy Carmichael was a missionary in India.

Speaker 3

And how long ago was this?

Speaker 1

This was around the turn of the century, I think, late 1800s.

Speaker 3

And this was a big deal for a woman to be a missionary in India.

Speaker 1

And she was rescuing people from sex trafficking is what she was doing. So she was doing something very intense, and she had a whole school dangerous. You know, she was bringing these girls into a home. She was mentoring native Indian people to take care of the women.

And they're still going on today. I wrote. It's called Dawn. I wrote them to ask about their spiritual disciplines today. And they still gather, like, twice a day in this home for prayer over a hundred years after she started.

Speaker 3

Wow.

Speaker 1

You know, so incredible. And she would write letters. So some of the inspiration that I have from her is through letters that she was writing maybe to her supporters, maybe to the people who worked with her. And she says, it's in the book. She says we must be active in prayer. We must be diligent in prayer, because we are touching the very center of the devil's kingdom and power. And we must not only pray, but also listen and do not resist even a hint of direction from the Holy Spirit.

And I think that is so important for moms. Like, we are touching the very center of the devil's kingdom. Like, the devil would not like there to be strong families, because strong families are the foundation for strong churches. And if you don't have strong churches, you don't have strong communities. And so what we are doing as moms is life changing. It is culture restoring. It is so powerful, and it has to be done with prayer.

You know, I would put that prayer on my wall because this is not some small thing. Like, I think sometimes we take parenting, there's this dichotomy because on the one hand, we don't control the outcome. We can't put our identity in parenting. We can't be assured of how it's going to turn out. It's a walk of faith. But on the other hand, it's a high and sacred calling. It's worth our time and attention. It's worth putting effort into.

And if God gives you these arrows in the hands of a warrior or these treasures, then put a little time and energy and prayer into raising them up for the Lord as an offering to Jesus, as a ministry, as a sacred calling.

Speaker 3

How do we do that? Practically speaking, like, you've done this, by the way.

Speaker 2

That was inspiring right there.

Speaker 3

It was so inspiring.

Speaker 2

That felt like a call to action. Like, let's go kick off and beat somebody. You know, I'm gonna win this game. I mean, that was great.

Speaker 3

It was so good.

Speaker 1

These kids, they need us to be there.

Speaker 3

As a mom, you might want to replay that every day as you wake up in the morning as a reminder of this is what I'm doing and why I'm doing it.

Speaker 2

Yeah, I mean, it's a high call.

Speaker 1

It's a high call. It's as important as any missionary on the field, any pastor in a church. This is our little flock that we are called to minister to.

Speaker 3

I think many times it's more important because we are shaping the future through our kids. And that's a big deal. Yeah.

Speaker 2

Yeah. So again, I'll say it one more time. You want help? We'll send you this book. Habits of a. I was gonna say a highly sacred home habit.

Speaker 1

Consecrated but not perfect.

Speaker 2

Yeah, Habits for a sacred home. Nine practices from history, which is fascinating, what you've taught us in the last couple days to anchor and restore modern families.

Just send us a gift of any amount account. We'll send you this book.

Go to familylifetoday.com or you can call us at 1-800-358-6329.

Speaker 3

Hey, and if you need more help, you can go to familylife.com/parentinghelp.

Again, you can go to familylife.com/parentinghelp.

Family Life Today is a donor-supported production of Family Life, a Cru ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.