FamilyLife Today®

Speaker 1

I honestly go in with no agenda. We just go on a walk.

Sometimes I've even kind of made it a fun little game in my head where I will just start walking and I won't be the first to talk, so I'll just start walking and just in silence.

And then just without fail, every time, all four of my kids will just start on some monologue, whether it's about their day or their friends. Each of them on their own just loves having one-on-one time with daddy where they can talk about whatever they want.

Speaker 2

Welcome to Family Life Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Ann Wilson.

Speaker 3

And I'm Dave Wilson. And you can find us atfamilylife today.com. this is Family Life Today. Okay. We've got a couple guys in the studio today. It's gonna be pretty cool.

Speaker 2

Do you like it when you have a couple men in here with you?

Speaker 3

Well, who cares what I think? What do you think I like? You're the only woman. I'm usually the only guy.

Speaker 2

I like being around guys, too.

Speaker 3

You're a boy, Mom.

And so anyway, we got Jared Lopes back with us. Dad tired.

We had Jared here on a previous episode, but we've got Bobby Markham in the studio. Bobby works here at Family Life. In fact, Jared, Bobby was probably your connection as you got to the building.

Speaker 1

Oh, yeah, he drove me over here.

Speaker 3

Bobby, tell our listeners what you do.

Speaker 2

Bobby is one of the best dads that I've ever met in my life.

Speaker 4

Thank you, Ann.

Speaker 3

That's a high compliment.

Speaker 4

That is a very high compliment.

Speaker 3

We've got two great dads sitting here.

Speaker 2

Yeah.

Speaker 3

Two out of three ain't bad. So.

Speaker 2

What are you talking about? You're amazing.

Speaker 3

Yeah. So tell our listeners what you do.

Speaker 2

At Family Life and about your family, too.

Speaker 4

Okay. I've been married for 25 years to.

Speaker 3

Rebecca, and you can catch a little accent.

Speaker 4

Yeah.

Speaker 3

What's the accent from?

Speaker 4

That's Arkansas for you.

Speaker 3

All right.

Speaker 1

Yes.

Speaker 4

Country accent from Arkansas. We're missionaries and we get to serve on this incredible team vetting guests for this show and. And doing a lot of other cool stuff. But I love interacting with guys like Jared.

Speaker 3

Nobody would ever guess that you've got a hip hop rap background.

Speaker 4

Oh, let's not bring that up.

Speaker 1

I feel like that's, like that's the only thing we should bring up.

Speaker 3

I mean, you want.

Speaker 4

Oh, no, let's not even go there.

Speaker 3

Yeah, okay.

Speaker 4

No.

Speaker 1

Can you just give us a sneak peek?

Speaker 3

What do you mean?

Speaker 1

Oh, please don't like you personally have like are the hip hop that.

Speaker 4

That was buried with Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1

That's incredible.

Speaker 4

Yeah. So I have five kids.

Speaker 1

And all.

Speaker 4

All growing up, they would always ask me, what was your name? What was your hip hop name? And I would never tell them. I was like, no, that's gone. You're not going to tell bringing that up.

Speaker 1

Oh, my God.

Speaker 4

I will never go away. It will never go away.

Speaker 3

Hey, it's buried. It's dead. We're not gonna. We're gonna be. But you better.

Speaker 1

My mind. I'm gonna tell you that as soon as we're done recording, I'm gonna get.

Speaker 3

It out of him. Yeah. You got a daughter getting married?

Speaker 4

Yes. Yes.

Speaker 2

Your oldest daughter's getting married?

Speaker 4

My oldest daughter. We have five children, years 20 to 10, two girls and three boys. And our oldest daughter is getting married some big time.

Speaker 3

Yeah. We brought you in. Jared's going to talk about a video that went viral, but it's bigger than the video. It's really a great dad concept of how to be a dad.

Speaker 2

Bobby, you've always been super intentional with your kids and you've spent time very specifically with each of them. Share a little bit about that because I think it's really pretty cool.

Speaker 4

I would say it's been about 10 or 12 years ago when our kids were younger. My oldest daughter was 6 to 8 years old at the time. We started what we initially just called "special times." We didn't really know what to call it, but every Friday night, we wanted to keep from losing connection with our different kids.

When you have a family with five kids, it's easy to not realize what's going on in somebody's life. Every Friday night, we would take a moment where one of the kids would be with me, and we would stay up late. We would find a game, whether it was a board game, card game, or video game to play. We would have a late-night snack, and other people might have to go to bed by this time, so it became a special night just for us.

We might stay up until midnight or even later. After our time together, we would separate in the house and have our own individual time.

Speaker 3

Is this something they really look forward to?

Speaker 4

Yes. And it's amazing that even when our girls were 18, they would get excited that it was special time night and they would look forward to that. And that's always been such a gift, something that we've been able to treasure that they weren't looking forward to getting away from us, but to have that time.

One of the special things that my wife really started initiating in that was being intentional to ask them during that time, how can I be praying for you? Just to have a moment to ask that question. You never know what's going to come into that conversation.

Then we would stop and pray, pray with them. After that, we would just move on and enjoy our candy and popcorn and whatever we were doing. But it's just being intentional, and it's built a really lasting impact in our relationship with our kids.

Speaker 2

I bet you feel like you know each of them.

Speaker 4

Yes, there's always surprises and we're not a perfect family either. And we have hiccups and struggles and things like that. But this really keeps us grounded together.

My dad, who also lives with us, always jokes, "Who's special special time is it tonight?" Because every night in this household is a special time.

This has turned into not just ours with our children, but our daughters have a night that they do together, our sons have a night that they do together. And then my dad has a night now that he rotates through the kids.

So it's just, it's built over the years.

Speaker 1

I want to be part of your family, man.

Speaker 3

Yeah, I was just seeing a guy come over this weekend, David Ann's special night.

You know what's really funny is I get to look at you and there's Rebecca. She's filming you through the window.

You know, we do have five cameras capturing this whole thing.

Speaker 2

She knows.

Speaker 3

But that's the uniqueness of family, I think, because we're all different, but we have. I mean, that's beautiful.

I mean, the thing is, people can hear that and think we can do that, and they're going to hear what Jared did and they can do the same thing.

It's like it's transferable; it's spending time.

Speaker 2

Jared, do you have any thoughts about that?

Speaker 1

Well, first you said your daughter's about to get married, right?

Speaker 4

Yes.

Speaker 1

It just is making me teary eyed thinking about that. I have three daughters, but I'm just imagining my 3-year-old and 5-year-old when they're, you know, little baby girls and how excited they would be to hear about, you know, a special night of sleepover.

And then actually recently my daughter had this little dress, this was this last week, and she said, "Daddy, can you zip this up for me?" She like put her head down, and I'm gonna get teary eyed just thinking about this dumb story. But she like whipped her hair over so I could zip up the back of her dress, and I just had this flash of her wedding.

I'm like, I can't do this. I'm gonna absolutely ball.

Speaker 3

She's three.

Speaker 1

Yeah.

Speaker 3

Wow.

Speaker 4

I've got goosebumps as you're talking about that because we've had that same experience. This is pretty emotional, but I'll share this with you real quick.

A week and a half ago, my daughter, I get a text from her: "Daddy!" (exclamation mark). Like, yes. And she's like, "We forgot something." She said, "We need to practice our daddy-daughter dance."

Speaker 1

Oh, dude, don't do it. I'm already crying.

Speaker 4

I was like, you're right. And I probably need to stop talking because I told her I'm already getting emotional, just texting. She said, me too. Our Friday night came around for our final special time of third living with us. And we were both exhausted that day. So we both agreed to punt it to the next day.

The next day came, and it was a wedding shower. We were exhausted from the other day and said, let's punt it till after church on Sunday. Sunday comes, and we didn't punt it this time. We have a song that started when she was 8 years old. I got a book called *Dance Me Daddy*, which is about a dad who would dance with his little daughters on his tiptoes. The story progresses through the teen years up until she gets married, and now she comes home to find him with gray hair. Before she leaves the visit, she always has one last dance.

The book came with a CD that features a song called "King of the World." We would put it on and do that dance. When she was eight years old and Abigail was six, we would do that all the time, giggling and twirling around, being silly. They would always say, "We're going to do that when we get married." You don’t know that’s going to come to fruition all these years later, but it did, and this is what she wanted to do.

So we get into the room, and I bring out the Bluetooth speaker. As I start the song, the second the words kicked in, we both just became a mess. She laid her head on my shoulder, and I laid my head on hers, and we went in a circle, crying the entire song. As the song was ending, I backed up and said, "I think we needed the cry more than we needed to dance." She replied, "It won't be the last time," and then she proceeded to honor me.

I want to share just a second of what she said. Thank you for everything you did for me growing up. You really set the example for the kind of guy for me to look for. Now I found him, and he's the man that you and mom have prayed for since before I was born. Even though I'll be moving out, this isn't the end of anything. I can't wait to see the memories that we will continue to create in the future.

I'm telling you, I don't even know if the actual Daddy-Daughter dance at the wedding is going to top that moment for me because it was just the two of us, so private, and I had no anticipation that she would speak to me like that.

Speaker 1

Well, thanks, Bobby.

Speaker 3

Yeah, thanks, Bobby.

Speaker 1

Holy cow, dude.

Speaker 2

Bobby, that is, like, incredible.

Speaker 1

What a gift, man, that God would give you. We don't always get to see the fruit, you know, of the things that we're. The seeds that we're trying to plant.

And the fact that God would give you just his grace and his goodness to say, let me give you. Just to let you see some of the fruit of all those seeds you've been planting all these years.

Good job, man.

Speaker 4

Thank you.

And I saw the video you guys are going to be talking about, and the little viral moment that you've had, it immediately brought all of this flooding in.

And Jared is walking the same path that we've been walking for all these years, and he's headed towards some sweet things.

Speaker 1

No, I don't want to get there. I just want my babies to stay three and five.

Speaker 3

Yeah, well, that's not going to happen.

Speaker 2

I'm guessing most people don't know, but you've been discipling her fiance.

Speaker 4

Yeah, we've been spending time together, and he came to me when he first approached my daughter. She was like, well, you know, you have to talk to my dad. It was just a really special moment because I didn't know him very well. I'd seen him in church a lot, but I didn't know him well. But I told him that the fact that I didn't know him didn't put him behind the curve, because I love and trust my daughter's judgment so much that I think you're the right guy.

We talked that first day, and I shared my testimony, asked him to share his. He was a smart man because he hired my daughter to be his piano teacher because she teaches piano, and he wanted to get near her. I remember seeing him one time pull out a melted chocolate truffle from his pocket to give her because he found out that was her favorite candy.

At the end of our time together, I wanted to bless him because he was about to go in and have his first private sit-down with my daughter. I had for him a whole bag of chocolate truffles to take into her as a gift from him. She gave me a hug, and I walked past, and then he came up and handed them to her. She was so excited that he had those for her, and he didn't say they were from me.

He gave them to her, and she gave him a hug. He was looking over her shoulder, and I was standing behind him with my two thumbs up, like, right on. Good job, man. I just wanted to set him up for success because I could tell that he was the kind of man that she needed. Based on her judgment, she's a good and godly girl.

Speaker 2

I told you he was a good guy.

Speaker 1

I need some more time, Bobby.

Speaker 2

We all do. We should have Bobby time.

Speaker 3

Bobbi.

Speaker 2

I will say this, too. As a grown woman, there is not a woman on the planet who doesn't long for that with her dad.

And I want to ask all you guys, maybe a dad's feeling like it's too late. Like, my daughter's already married, or she's a teenager now, or we don't have a good relationship.

Yeah. She's gotten older now. It feels awkward. What would you say to those dads?

And not just. I'm thinking of all of you.

Speaker 4

Yeah. I would say just laying a foundation of being quick to repent. I've always told people that one of the key things in my relationships with my kid, because I mess up all the time, is to be able to ask for forgiveness.

I think that's always a great place to start and to initiate and be able to express what it is that you desire and that you do desire to be there, but you haven't been there, maybe.

And please forgive me or please forgive me for this very. Whatever that is, and just laying that groundwork to get there. I think that's a great place to start.

Speaker 3

What do you think, Jared?

Speaker 1

I was gonna say, what do you think, Ann? Because it seems like from a woman's perspective, like, what would you long for if you were in that situation? What would you long for from your dad?

Speaker 2

I think every little girl and woman longs for her dad to see her, to notice her, to appreciate her, to compliment her. And my dad was really absent when I was little. I mean, he was in his 90s. I feel like he loved me best as he got older.

But he also apologized. He's like, "I wasn't there for you when you were little. And I regret that." Man, I just cried when he said that. I thought, here I am, I'm a grown woman. I know all of that.

And yet there's something very healing, like a balm, you know, that we all long for our dad's approval and for him to say, "I know maybe it's felt weird or I've been distant, but I want to know you." Oh, every girl would melt before her dad.

Speaker 3

Yeah, for sure. Let me just stop for a second and say, if you're a parent and you're resonating with this, we know it's really, really hard.

Speaker 2

So we've pulled together some of our most helpful parenting pieces into one spot for you.

Speaker 3

Go to familylife.com parentinghelp did you write that down? Are you typing it in right now? Here it is again. Familylife.com parentinghelp so go there now, Jared, tell us this ring doorbell video.

Speaker 1

I started doing daddy walks with my daughters and my son. Mainly my son, who just turned 13, was someone I felt I was losing touch with as he entered those early teen years. I thought, man, I need to find a way for us to connect. So, I decided to take him on walks. It was like 15 minutes around the block—easy stuff. I started doing that with each kid, and they all have their night of the week for a daddy walk. I took my three-year-old on a walk, and she was just talking her little heart out.

As we were walking back into the house, she said, "Hug daddy." I went and gave her a hug, and then she gave me this big kiss. I pulled up the ring footage to show my wife, like, "Look at this little moment she had as we were walking back in." Then I thought, the ring is capturing this every time we go on these walks. So, I compiled all of that into one little video. It went viral—bizarrely so. We had never done anything like that before. But views aside, who cares about that? My kids don’t know anything about the views or care about social media at all.

To this day, every day they ask, "Daddy, is it my turn again? Is it my turn for the walk?" Since that video went viral, I’ve had a lot of people asking what I say or what questions I ask during our walks. Honestly, I go in with no agenda. We just walk. Sometimes, I even make it a fun little game in my head where I start walking and don’t say anything first. I just walk in silence, and without fail, all four of my kids will start on some monologue—whether it’s about their day, their friends, or the bugs they want to see or talk about. Each of them loves having one-on-one time with daddy where they can talk about whatever they want.

Speaker 2

How did you approach it for the first time, Jared? Like, how did you ask them?

Speaker 1

I literally just said, let's go on a walk.

Speaker 2

And they wanted to.

Speaker 1

Yeah, all of them wanted to. My 13-year-old boy was the only one who kind of like, "Ah, Dad, I want to do this game or I want to go play with my friends."

But the girls especially, they are begging for it. I also did a thing where they each think that they're the only ones who get a lollipop. So I bought a huge bag of lollipop suckers, and they think that they're the only one that gets it. They think it's their secret. They don't know that each of them gets that on each walk.

Speaker 2

So they eat it on the walk.

Speaker 1

Yeah. So as we go on a walk, I pull out the sucker. They get to have the sucker as we walk. But yeah, the girls especially love it.

But it's been, again, I'm trying to navigate teenage years, which is I just stepped into it and it's difficult.

And pray for me, you know, I'm gonna pick your brain on all the.

Speaker 2

What kind of conversations happen? What kind of topics come up?

Speaker 1

We're in a weird season because I'm having puberty talks.

Speaker 2

Yeah.

Speaker 1

And I have a three year. Sometimes I make the joke that I'm having like very deep talks about very deep things.

And at the same time, I'm getting yelled at. There was one point where I'm getting yelled at, so like, change my diaper, you know, for my 2 year old when she was 2.

So it's a weird time to be a parent in my house.

Speaker 2

Yeah.

Speaker 1

But everything comes up. A lot of stuff about friends. You know, my friends are saying this or what do they.

What should I do when my friends do this kind of thing or I feel picked on or. I mean, just everything comes up.

It's become the highlight of my week and theirs for sure.

Speaker 3

Are either of you guys familiar with a song that came out in My generation by a guy named Harry Chapin called Cats in the Cradle?

Speaker 4

Yes.

Speaker 2

Oh, yeah, You've heard Jared, have you.

Speaker 3

Ever heard this song? I don't know. I'll read you a lyric or two. I mean, it's five verses. I could sing it. I've done it many times with my guitar. I won't do that. It captures what you guys. And by the way, they've redone it like heavy metal. I mean, it's an acoustic singer-songwriter guy.

But here's the first verse:

"My child arrived just the other day,

He came to the world in the usual way,

But there were planes to catch, bills to pay.

He learned to walk while I was away,

And he was talking before I knew it.

And as he grew, he said,

'I'm gonna be like you, dad.

You know I'm gonna be like you.'"

The chorus is, "And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,

Little boy blue and the man in the Moon.

When you coming home

Speaker 1

Well, I appreciate you saying that. I don't feel like I'm doing well.

Speaker 3

But you never do.

Speaker 1

You know, I wanted to find something that was sustainable. I always loved the idea of doing a date like a daddy date.

But it always felt like, well, we gotta pack up the car and drive to. Where are we gonna go? Restaurant or a coffee shop or the park.

But the walk just felt like I can go on a walk. It's hard to make excuses for a 15 minute walk around the block.

Speaker 2

There's something too about. Especially with guys. I know there's something about shoulder to shoulder, looking forward that doesn't feel intimidating.

Especially with teenagers. I realize that with boys, hanging out with boys seemed less intimidating to them.

What is that, do you think?

Speaker 1

I think everyone feels awkward when. Cause I've liked the coffee dates. I started that with my little girls, and we would sit there, and I didn't know what questions to ask. You know, she would talk about nothing deep, and I felt like, was this a waste of time? We talked about some cartoon or whatever.

So I think you're right. We've had much deeper conversations, which just feels organic. I'm not even asking; usually, it's just me asking follow-up questions to what they're already saying.

Speaker 3

Yeah, or even in the car. Yeah, that shoulder. Shoulder. Both looking that way. You're not looking this way. There's something at least for men I think about this.

Speaker 2

I can't remember who it was. I think it was donut dates. The dad always pulled out a notebook on their dates. And then he'd write down what she said.

She said, "I was probably 5. I don't even know when it started." And she said, because she was in the interview, "I was like, he's writing down what I'm saying. I must be so special."

I thought that was genius. Like a genius move. And he would just write it down.

Speaker 3

Am I remembering this right? She got married. He gave her the book. I think he did, of all these years of just little things she said when she was 5 and 15. And now. Pretty cool.

Speaker 4

Wow.

Speaker 2

You get emotional, which makes me emotional. I can't look at you when I say it. Why do you get emotional about even reading the Cats in the Cradle?

Speaker 3

I think it's why your video went viral. I think dads see it, and I'm sure women did, too. But you see it, and you're like, that's what I'm made for. And it's doable.

You know, some videos you see are like, I'm not like that guy. I'm not gifted. Like, I could never create a date like that. But I could go on a walk, and I'm supposed to, and that's my call.

And I think that's what it is. It's powerful. And I know as a grandfather, it's a legacy.

Speaker 2

That's what I think. Like, I get teary thinking you never had that. You never had one. One time. Did you have that? Probably. You, too, Jerry.

Speaker 1

Yeah, I didn't have it either.

Speaker 3

That's cool that you can change a legacy. A bad legacy was given to you. But we get the chance to go, I'm gonna change the Wilson legacy, the.

Speaker 1

Lopes legacy, By God's grace.

Speaker 3

And you're doing it.

Speaker 1

Yeah, by God's grace.

Speaker 3

You know, I'm thinking there's dads listening and going, okay, I'm gonna go on a walk, I'm gonna grab my teenage daughter, and we're gonna dance tonight. Or we're gonna have a special time. Jared, you've written a book on this. Dad Tired's got a lot of ideas like this that you've heard today.

Cause I know if you're a dad like me, at least. I don't know if women do this, but me, what to do? Just tell me what to do. And you know what we did today? We really told you what to do. So get Dad Tired and go on Amazon and get the book or go to our show notes at familylifetoday.com and there's a link there for Dad Tired.

But also we have Jared's children's book, *My Daddy's Hero*, that we'll send you if you send us a donation to Family Life. You send us a donation. This is how we function. You give and we are able to do what we do. And we're going to send you a gift for giving us a gift. You can go to familylifetoday.com or give us a call at 1-800-F as in.

Speaker 2

Family, L as in life. Family.

Speaker 3

That's F as in family, L as in life and the word today.

Speaker 2

Or oh yeah, that's it.

Speaker 3

Or if you're a numbers guy like me, it's 800-358-6329. I hope they keep this one because, you know, you can be polished and edited or you can be real.

What's the name of our program? Yeah.

Family Life Today is a donor-supported production of Family Life Accrue Ministry, helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.