The Power of Grandparents
April 23, 2019
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Grandparents can set the tone for a lot in a family.
Wanda’s parents divorced when she was young which brought many stepsiblings and stepparents in and out of her life. But instead of her family fracturing into a war zone, her grandparents and stepgrandparents insisted everyone get along and that all children be accepted. They set a tone for love and inclusion that rippled positive attitudes throughout multiple homes. We can all learn from Wanda’s grandparents: an assertive, but grace-filled heart can bring healing love to a challenging situation.
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My sacrifice might be our joy.
In Luke 8 Jesus casts a legion of demons out of a man into some farmer’s pigs. Have you ever thought what it cost that farmer? He starts the day rich, but ends it with 2000 dead demon-possessed pigs drowned in a lake. Marriage is a bit like this. There are many unexpected sacrifices Jesus demands of us: putting up with your spouse’s annoying personality quirks; changing how I communicate to live peaceably with them and on and on. But my unexpected cost is a joy to our “usness.” Together, we win.
April 22, 2019
Have you ever faced a great trial in your life…with joy?
There was a day when my wife and I were told by doctors that our 12-year-old son was about to die. I can assure you I did not face that moment with joy. The writer of Hebrews in the Bible says to look to Jesus, “the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross…” Where was the joy in enduring the cross? On this Good Friday, let’s remember that Jesus looked past his suffering to the day when he would be glorified at his Father’s side. Worship and praise him.
April 19, 2019
Ron, what do we do? My kids are confusing my husband.
We all have different roles and each role tends to have a label. Suzanne’s kids were confusing her husband. The youngest calls him Dad; the middle will only call him by his first name; and the oldest calls him, “Hey, you.” Since terms tend to reflect emotional bonds and loyalty conflicts in children, mom and stepdad should learn to be okay with different labels. As long as the terms are respectful, go with it. Focus on being Christ-like. The labels will change, but the relationship will endure.
April 18, 2019
There’s hope for today’s family.
At a Summit on Stepfamily Ministry, an event for pastors and lay leaders, I heard stories that included reward and struggle. Struggles to merge family members, to protect a marriage, and given the prevalence of complex families, to get church leaders on board with the need for blended family ministry. Nontraditional is the new traditional. And yet, each story was infused with hope in a God who loves and redeems. Hope in the power of church community and the Holy Spirit to sustain and guide.
April 17, 2019
So, where is your faith?
When a storm overtook the disciples’ boat in Luke 8, they cried out in fear. Jesus calmed the storm but then he challenged them: “Where is your faith?” Ok, let’s own it. Faith when you’re safe at harbor is easier than faith in the midst of the storm. And yet, we’re called to look past our circumstances and trust the Savior. That’s not easy. I often lose perspective and panic. But I am encouraged that the One who calmed the raging waves with a word, can be trusted with what I can’t control.
April 16, 2019
How many pots of money do you have?
I know you don’t have pots of money but you do have a bank account and a budget. Couples in first marriages generally have one pot of money. But couples in stepfamilies have a variety of money systems. They might have one joint account. Or they might have two that represents the assets and obligations of each partner. Other couples have three pots: a his, hers, and ours. What matters is you agree to the system and you base it on God’s values about spending, saving, and providing for your kids.
April 15, 2019
I think it’s time to rethink premarital sex and cohabitation.
In today’s culture sex before marriage and living together is the norm. But what if God’s precepts against doing so were meant to protect you from the pain of a break up? The best research shows that cohabitation disrupts the formation of a long-term commitment. And cohabiting parents break up at a higher rate and inadvertently expose their children to dangerous home situations. Since up to 40% of all children will spend time in a cohabiting home let's rethink this and let God protect us.
April 12, 2019
What do you do with good news? Share it!
A strong, healthy stepfamily lowers the divorce rate in this generation and the next. It breaks the cycle of divorce. There may be days of discouragement, but trusting in the rewards for those who faithfully stay the course and walk with God, brings hope to the journey. If you’re a ministry leader or know someone who is, ask what your church can do to minister to stepfamilies. The redemptive factor in breaking the generational cycle of divorce is a healthy stepfamily. Be part of the solution.
April 11, 2019
For kids, a healthy stepfamily is life changing!
Research now confirms that a healthy stepfamily not only prevents another divorce in a child’s life, but it gives them a healthy marriage model that equips them for marriage as adults. In other words, after divorce, a strong, stable, healthy stepfamily lowers the divorce rate in this generation and the next. It reverses the curse. What Satan tries to destroy through divorce, God can take back in just one generation. And that ‘good news’ is why we do what we do.
April 10, 2019
Hey kids, isn’t it annoying when parents change the rules!
You thought you knew what was expected but now you don't. Your parents read a good book or they go to a parenting class and they change their expectations. Then there are the parent-stepparent changes. For years you could be sarcastic with your brothers and then a stepparent enters the scene and takes it personally when you’re sarcastic with your stepbrother. It’s a pain. And it would help if they wouldn’t take things quite so personally, but maybe you’re going to have to stop being sarcastic.
April 9, 2019
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