Step-Wedding
April 24, 2017
00:00
When strong ocean winds blow, you need an anchor.
Often at a blended family wedding you watch the winds of confusion blow. Tension in stepfamily relationships makes people anxious all while putting on a smile for the bride and groom. The groom’s side is not sure what to do with the bride’s side and the wedding coordinator struggles with which labels to use. But if you look you can see it. The bride and groom and the vows that tie them together, become an anchor in the storm. Anchored to God, they in turn are an anchor for their extended family.
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Sharing special occasions for the first time with someone we love is a part of what makes them special. But what if your first, is their second?
Michelle was jealous that her first child would be her husband’s third. “Every little thing is so special to me, but it’s old hat for him. I feel like we’re in two different places and I’m never first—I’m always going to be second.” It’s true her husband will react differently to things he’s already experienced, but that doesn’t mean Michelle is second place in his heart. Don’t let your fears tell you how important you are. Listen to the choices of your spouse. The proof is in the pudding.
April 21, 2017
There’s an old African proverb that says, “When two elephants fight, it’s the grass that suffers.”
Conflicts that are managed well generally are a good thing. They resolve a problem and we move on. But when elephants fight for territory or dominance, something innocent is bound to get caught in the cross-fire. In divided families, children have to move between homes but when their parents battle it’s the kids who get trampled. If your children move between homes give a lot of consideration to how your interaction impacts them. Show consideration to the other home so the grass can grow.
April 20, 2017
Ok, folks, let’s be careful with our words.
Someone might call a divorced family a broken family. How would you feel if I called you broken? If you mean fractured, yes, it’s no longer intact. But when we say broken what's heard is, “less than” which communicates condemnation and unworthiness. Are we implying divorced people and their kids can’t be whole? We don’t call widowed families broken. Let's use less pejorative terms like “divorced family” or “single parent family” and reserve the term broken for ourselves as we kneel at the cross.
April 19, 2017
I got a question: How long did the father wait for the prodigal son to return?
It’s a trick question really. Answer: He waited as long as it took. I give stepparents who are trying to connect with a child who has their back turned towards them a similar answer. One stepdad told me about his 12 year-old stepdaughter: “I tried and tried, but she never warmed up to me—so I just gave up.” I asked him, how long he waited. "Three months," he said. Ah, dude. You were on the right track, but the answer is as long as it takes. As long as it takes.
April 18, 2017
A pre-nup. You want us to do a pre-nup?
Financial planners often encourage pre-stepfamily couples to get a “prenuptial agreement,” but that feels like you’re planning for a divorce. A much better way is something I call "A Shared Covenant Agreement” which helps stepfamily couples manage their daily expenses, discuss insurance and retirement, and do estate planning for their children and each other. It builds confidence in how money will be used in your complex family. Don’t let money issues divide you; instead finance togetherness.
April 17, 2017
What’s so good about death?
Today we acknowledge the death of Christ. We call it Good Friday. What’s good about it? In Jesus’ day when Rome conquered an enemy, a herald would announce the good news. They called it a gospel. For us, the cross changed everything. The suffering of one brought mercy to many. Good Friday announced the “good news” that the battle had been won, victory was ours, and the King was restoring peace to his people. This weekend, join with your church family and celebrate the King. We have good news!
April 14, 2017
Alright guys, what are the three little words every woman wants to hear?
You’re wrong. The words “I love you” are special but so are the words: “Tell me more.” Now, guys, it's not about getting more facts or details. It’s about communicating to the woman you love I care about you. Most importantly it communicates I’m with you. Now contrast that with my recent not so good moment when I interrupted my wife in the middle of a story to ask an unrelated question. Yes, I had to repair that one. Next time I’m going to try listening with my eyes and tuning in with my heart.
April 13, 2017
Let me ask you a question. Has your desire to be central in someone’s life every caused you to be harsh toward someone else?
Candice Curry wrote a letter to her daughter’s stepmom, Ashley. Initially she hoped Ashley would be a terrible beast and that her daughter would disrespect her. But then Candice admitted that Ashley was an asset to her daughter. Her daughter got a mom and a bonus mom who live in peace. The letter caught the attention of the national media. Why is that? Because the courage to put others first is rare. Sometimes for love to win we have to stop trying to be central and just be a servant.
April 12, 2017
Every house, has its own blueprint.
Proverbs 24 says, “By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established.” I do this to share wisdom with you for building a stepfamily home. I know you can’t hear them all so we put them online. Proverbs continues, "By knowledge the rooms of your home will be filled with pleasant riches." When you apply stepfamily wisdom, the dining room and living room are full of good food, laughter, and warmth and the master bedroom is filled with…well, let your imagination finish that one.
April 11, 2017
No, the bridge was always there. She just finally crossed it.
Jennifer and her stepfather started on opposite sides of the ravine. She told me, “It took years to appreciate what my stepfather did for me starting at age 13.” Now she was a 28-year-old mother herself and she said, “He provided for us and loved me even when I couldn’t let myself love him. I don’t know why. But eventually I let him in and now we have an awesome relationship.” Adoptive parents and stepparents can be God’s provision for a child. When love builds a bridge cross it.
April 10, 2017
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