Truth For Life

Bob Lepine: Raising children is a challenge. We face both our children's natural resistance to authority and pressure from a culture that prizes autonomy. But God gives us grace as parents to meet the challenge. Today on Truth for Life, we'll learn why godly discipline is more loving than hands-off, rule-free parenting. Alistair Begg is teaching from Colossians chapter three.

Alistair Begg: Let me say a word or two about the responsibility of the parents. Parents are to bring their children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. But how can children be expected to know their boundaries if their parents are clueless? How can they be expected to know what they're supposed to do or what they're not supposed to do if their parents are neglectful of their responsibilities, clear responsibilities as delineated in the Bible?

Whatever decision Christian parents make about the ongoing education of their children—and there are many within our congregation that adopt all kinds of approaches, and we understand and recognize that—whatever that decision is, one thing is true of every mom and dad in the congregation. That is that they are responsible for the instruction of their children in the word of God. It is their responsibility. The task is to be exercised by the parents in the face of all of the challenges of a world that doesn't agree, the insinuations of the evil one that come to us and say, "You know, you shouldn't listen to all this stuff. It's old-fashioned." Or, "The Bible, if somebody had written the Bible at this point, they would never have included this." That's the kind of thing you hear. Or they'll say, "But you need to be a pragmatic person and you just need to be as realistic as you can and frankly, this doesn't work." Or you have them saying, "What you really need is self-help in this. You don't need Bible help. You don't need the Spirit's help. Psychology will be of far more help to you than theology."

At the heart of all of those kind of insinuations, which come ultimately from the evil one, at the heart of it all is the undermining of the word of God. The design of the evil one is to get God's people to live their lives paying scant attention to the truth of the Bible, being prepared to affirm its authority, as we said at the end last time, being prepared to say we believe it entirely, and then to do absolutely nothing with it when it comes to the issues that we're dealing with now. Instruction begins at home. It has to do with creating a climate in which our children recognize that we are depending on the Bible and depending on the help of the Holy Spirit to try and do our level best to raise them according to the structures and definitions of the Bible, that we are, on our best days, sinful as well.

I guarantee you that the child nurtured by a biblical view of the origin of life will enjoy in life a security that can never be experienced by the youngster schooled, for example, in evolutionary theory. How happy the son who can say, "When I was a boy in my father's house, still tender and an only child of my mother, he taught me and said, 'Lay hold of my words with all your heart. Keep my commands and you will live.'" So the responsibility of the parents is essentially twofold. It is first of all to combat the instruction of their children and then the disciplining of their children. Here's where it gets challenging, isn't it? Disciplining our children according to the Bible is not an option and doing it, and doing it in the way that God says, is absolutely essential.

The social and political climate is one in which the rights of the child have been set out in such a way as to severely limit the potential of parental jurisdiction, the exercise of discipline. Old files from my drawer go way back actually. 1996, the Supreme Court of Italy declares all punishment by parents of children as unlawful. The judgment states that the very expression correction of children expresses a view of child rearing that is both culturally anachronistic, historically outdated, and should in fact be redefined. Now what's happening here, you see, is the question is: does the creator of the universe know what he's talking about when he says this is how it works or does he not? But as soon as you've removed the creator, then you have no one to whom you have to defer. If God is dead, as Dostoyevsky said, if God is dead, then all things are permissible. All the bets are off. So this isn't just a sort of cultural challenge to a small group of people who've got a weird perspective on the raising of children. This is actually a challenge to God Almighty. You can go through the whole thing: Supreme Court of Israel declares it unlawful, 2000; South African Constitutional Court, Christian schools challenge it, Christian schools are told, you know, "Go home and don't come back." Well, here's the challenge. What are we going to do? Because if upholding and applying biblical guidelines takes place, then we face the challenge, don't we, of being hateful or abusive towards our children? That's what they say. The reason you couldn't do this is because it is inevitably hateful. It is abusive.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Surely there is a way to be abusive and hateful towards our children in any kind of structure, not least of all within the framework of a biblical parameters. We see evidence of that. We read it every so often in the press where people are just completely off the rocker and they've taken these things to extremes that are malevolent and bad and worthy of punishment. Absolutely no question about that. But you can't throw the entire thing out on the basis of the fact that people made a complete mess of the guidelines. No, because the exercise of discipline is motivated by love. It's motivated by love. It's a love that seeks to prevent our children from reaching the end of their lives in a sorry state and finding that the reason they end up in that sorry state is because they hated discipline, they spurned correction, they paid no attention to their parents.

And of course, the Bible is very clear. Solomon is very clear. "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him." It is only irresponsible parenting that leaves children to fend for themselves. When the writer of Hebrews picks the principle of disciplining of children up, he applies it to the nature of the work of God within our lives. He says, "If you had earthly parents, you know you were disciplined by them for your good." And they do this because this is how God treats you. He disciplines you for your good. All discipline in the moment is painful, but later on it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness. But if what you want is peace at any cost now, you can't expect the peaceable fruit of righteousness then. The first comes the pain and then comes the pleasure.

So the challenge is huge. I must say, now as a grandfather, you live this thing at least twice. You live with your own mistakes and disappointments and chaos and then you watch as your children try their journey. And you have to stand back and bite your tongue, bite your tongue, and say, "No, that's not good." So you set it. It's a tough one. But listen, when parents do not establish this framework out of the gate, the challenge becomes greater with every birthday. I guarantee you. They are not all of a sudden going to roll over in their bed and go, "You know what? Yeah, I love you and I'll do everything you say." No. The foolishness that is bound up in the heart of a child, which expresses itself in rebellion, will take more than words to dislodge. Now how do I know that? Because the Bible says that. So taking the responsibility seriously is tied to the lordship of Christ and therefore it falls to the children to also take this seriously.

Proverbs again, "Listen to your father who gave you life and do not despise your mother when she's old." I take it actually that Paul assumes that children were present when this letter was read, certainly when the letter would have been referenced in the context of house gatherings and so on. It's worth noting in passing that age-based education within the framework of the church is a relatively new phenomenon. It's not a bad idea, but it is a different idea. And when you read in the Old Testament, you find that families were together under the instruction of God's word. For example, in Chronicles where Jahaziel has a responsibility of delivering the Lord, the word, it says, "All Judah stood before the Lord, their little ones, their wives, their children." And classically, when Ezra is invited to bring out the book and speak from it, he brought the law before the assembly, both men and women and all who could understand.

Now this is of great importance because our children are sensible. They're bright. They're capable of understanding, and they are capable of understanding the clear instructions of the Bible and whether we as parents are actually embracing them, engaging with them, and being prepared to do what it says. And the instruction along these lines for children is not in the small print. It's not as if it's way at the end of something, hidden away. For example, when Moses is addressing the people in Leviticus 19, it says, "And the Lord spoke to Moses saying, 'Speak to all the congregation of the people of Israel and say to them, "You shall be holy, for I the Lord your God am holy." Full stop. Next sentence, "Every one of you shall revere his mother and his father." That's the first thing. Say to Israel, "You are to be a different kind of people in the world. Every one of you shall revere his mother and his father."

Now it's not an absence of clarity, I say to you again. It is the duty of children—or as you say, the duty—it is the duty of children to honor, respect, and obey their parents, to submit to their correction, to accept their instruction. "My son, give me your heart and let your eyes observe my ways." Give me your heart and let your eyes observe my ways. Ah, there's the rub for some of us, for their eyes observe our ways and our ways are at cross purposes to the instruction. I wonder if you've ever had one of your kids say to you, "I don't think you love me." And then they said to you, "Because you never discipline me. That's why I know you don't love me." They don't say it because you didn't give me things. Uh-uh.

Now we must draw this to a close and we need to say a couple of things importantly. First of all, we recognize that parents are not infallible. Parents are not infallible, but the word of God is infallible. So we are simply standing in between God himself and our children in the way that I am standing in between God himself and you as this congregation. For I will give an answer to God for all the words that I have spoken to you, formally and informally. That's what the Bible says. Step up if you'd like this challenge. But it falls to you as a dad. It falls to you as a mom. And it falls to you as a boy or a girl. The Bible is really clear. When we get letters, and we get hundreds of letters from prisoners, it is a traceable fact that many of them, when they tell us their story, say that they find themselves incarcerated now as a result of decisions that they made along the journey of their lives, which began with contempt of parental authority and discipline.

"Children, obey your parents in everything." Everything. Does that mean if they tell you to go steal things from Target, you're supposed to? Clearly not. Obedience is only in such things that concur with the law of God. Who is sufficient for these things? My heart goes out to our young families. It does. Those of us who have been around a little while understand this. This is a Friday, August the 13th, from Scotland. The latest piece from the Scottish Government: children as young as four will be allowed to change their name and gender at school without their parents' consent under new guidelines issued by the Scottish Government. So you can send your children into an alien environment and they can do whatever they jolly well please there. You don't have to be contacted about it. They will come home and tell you and their teachers will reinforce it for you. Can it possibly be?

Children, what a gift. And they are a gift. Let's remind ourselves of that. Let's remind ourselves that our children are only loaned to us for a little while. You say, "Well, I can tell you're getting old now, you call it a little while." Because zero to five seems like eternity. Yeah. But five to eighteen is a moment in time. Let's remind ourselves that they're cute, but they're also corrupt. That they're lovely, but that they're lost. They're estranged from the womb. They go astray from birth, speaking lies, which is of course a problem, isn't it? Unless of course you're reading the Sunday Review on January the 5th, 2018. Is your child lying to you? That's good. Why do some children start lying at an earlier age than others? What separates them from their more honest peers? The short answer is they're smarter.

It comes down to the Bible again, doesn't it? The Bible says this is a problem. Some crazy psychologist says this is actually the answer. So they need God's law to show them where they're wrong, to show them that they can't climb up a ladder to God's acceptance, to show them that they're in need of God's grace, to help them understand that when they make a hash of it, when they stumble and fall on their face, there's more grace in Jesus than there is sin in their little hearts. And we finish this up acknowledging that we live in a culture that is increasingly corrupt. We live in an environment, big church, that is in many ways in danger of becoming entirely compromised in these things. And that is why our children are confused, for confused they are. And that's why I say to you, if the parents don't get it, if the parents are clueless, you're going to live with confused children. There's no possibility of it being otherwise. And that's why we need the clarity of the Bible.

Last week, in the people that I met, there was a fellow from California, a big tall man, a basketball coach apparently, and his twelve-year-old son. So I said to him, I said, "Hey," I said, "I used to be twelve." He looked at me like, "Oh, really?" I said, "Yeah, it was 57 years ago." And the father said, "Is there something that you would say to him as a twelve-year-old boy?" So because I had just been preaching along these lines, yeah, I said to him, I said, "Yeah, keep your story simple. Keep your story simple. Look entirely to Jesus." The guy says, "Is that it?" I said, "That's it." It's fascinating, isn't it, that from the birth narratives, you've got this long period of silence and then Jesus reappears at the age of twelve. He's in the temple. He's in discussion with the people. He's really missing from his family retinue. They search for him, they find him. You remember that encounter, it's described for us there. And it says then that he went down with Mary and Joseph and was submissive to them. And he increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and with man. The lady who wrote "Once in Royal David's City" captured something of this when, in about verse three of that, having introduced us to Jesus and to his birth, she writes, "For he is our childhood pattern. Day by day like us he grew. He was little, weak and helpless. Tears and smiles like us he knew. And he feeleth for our sadness and he shareth in our gladness." In short order, young people, Jesus, who is for you as you trust in him the author and finisher of your faith, he understands better than you can ever know what it is to be an obedient son.

Bob Lepine: You're listening to Truth for Life with Alistair Begg. He'll return in just a few minutes to close today's program. We hope you have been benefiting from this series titled The Christian Family, as we're learning parents are responsible for training children in the truth of scripture. To do this well, it's important to know God, know his word, and to be able to teach and apply the lessons from scripture in a clear and understandable way. The book we're recommending to you today will help you do that. It's titled How to Teach Kids Theology: Deep Truths for Growing Faith. It's written for families, but it's being used by Christian school teachers and children's ministry leaders as well. And instead of focusing on Bible stories, this is a book that guides you to teach your children the deeper understanding of who God is and what he's done.

As the authors point out, we can't teach kids kitty-cat theology and expect them to have lion-like resolve. For their resolve to be great, they will need to be shown that God is great, and this comes by teaching good theology to kids, a knowledge of God that is true. How to Teach Kids Theology walks you through how to share foundational biblical truths with your family, whether you have young children, teens, or even college-aged children. This book will not only show you how to share the truths of the Bible but also how to arm children with the tools they'll need to apply God's word in everyday life. Ask for your copy of the book How to Teach Kids Theology when you donate to Truth for Life today. You can give online at truthforlife.org/donate or call us at 888-588-7884. And if you'd rather mail your donation along with your request for the book, write to us at Truth for Life, P.O. Box 398000, Cleveland, Ohio, 44139. Now here's Alistair with a closing prayer.

Alistair Begg: Father, steer us away from any thoughts of moralism or pulling up our socks. We all know we need to do better, but we all know that all day, every day, we're entirely dependent on the work of your Spirit. Forgive us for our failures. Forgive us, Lord, for listening to the chatter of a surrounding culture rather than listening to the voice of you who created the children. Help us as boys and girls who are present and under the sound of my voice right now to realize what an adventure it is to live in the light of God's word, to trust in Jesus as savior, to submit and live for him, and in so doing to obey our mothers and fathers. Thank you, Lord Jesus Christ, for your example of humility and servant-hood. And in your name we pray, Amen.

Bob Lepine: I'm Bob Lepine. None of us are perfect parents. Tomorrow we'll learn how to address some of the most common mistakes well-meaning parents can make. The Bible teaching of Alistair Begg is furnished by Truth for Life, where the learning is for living.