The Official Average Boy Podcast

Jesse: Welcome to episode 121 of the Official Average Boy Podcast. I'm Jesse from Focus on the Family Clubhouse Magazine.

Bob Smiley: And I'm Bob Smiley, AKA Average Boy, AKA the powerful, proud, prolonged, prolific, perceptively playful, pristine person of prayer.

Jesse: Wow, that sounds pretty amazing there, Bob.

Bob Smiley: The pogoing, positive, peaceful, problem-solving, peak, perfect prodigy and picknicker.

Jesse: AB, AB, Bob. I think that's enough for your introduction, really. I also feel like you're pretty much pausing a potentially praiseworthy podcast.

Bob Smiley: Nice alliteration, Jesse.

Jesse: Thanks. But anytime you stretch out your introduction, it's a good indication to me that you don't want to get to the story that you came in to share with us today. Is that true?

Bob Smiley: Actually, that's a perfectly plausible prediction, proud partner.

Jesse: Well done with the alliteration too. But, Bob, you've shared embarrassing stuff on here before and it usually ends up being good encouragement for our listeners. So, what's your story about? Did you do something bad?

Bob Smiley: Oh no, not at all. Not really. Actually, I did something great. Well, sort of. And nobody got hurt. Kind of. You know what? I'll just tell it and then let you guys decide. Jesse, you know how I broke my bike because of that really cool book, right? So, for a while, I didn't have a bike at all.

Jesse: Hang on. I don't know how you broke your bike. And wait, how could a book break your bike? I know words have power, but not that much power.

Bob Smiley: Well, this book had a lot, two words! This book had a lot of power, mostly because it was being thrown by Donnie.

Jesse: Okay, now we're getting somewhere.

Bob Smiley: Well, I wasn't getting anywhere when he threw my latest book at me.

Jesse: Your latest book? So, was it *Average Boy's Above Average Summer*?

Bob Smiley: Yeah, that's the one, Jesse. *Average Boy's Above Average Summer*. I didn't want to say the name at the beginning of this, *Average Boy's Above Average Summer*, because I was kind of afraid that people would think that I was promoting my new book, *Average Boy's Above Average Summer*, available wherever you get awesome books.

Jesse: If our listeners didn't suspect the self-promotion at first, they definitely do now. And hang on, so that's why you called it a really cool book.

Bob Smiley: That's right. I wondered if anyone would catch that. ABP, Jesse. Always be promoting. But not in an obnoxious way, subtle, kind of like how we got the material to build the treehouse in my latest book, *Average Boy's Above Average Summer*.

Jesse: Okay, okay, yes, I think we know the title.

Bob Smiley: Anyway, I gave a copy of my book to Donnie when it first came out, and I guess the words were too big for him to read.

Jesse: AB, that's not fair.

Bob Smiley: Sorry, Jesse. But as I was leaving school the other day on my bike, Donnie came running out and said, "Hang on, you can take this back." Then he acted like a judge that didn't like the criminal he was about to sentence.

Jesse: I get it. He threw the book at you.

Bob Smiley: Yeah, he threw the book at me. Wow, I'm pretty funny.

Jesse: That's a great joke. But books can lead to some dangerous situations.

Bob Smiley: Wait a minute, they can? How?

Jesse: Well, last week I fell down in the library. I guess I was in the non-friction area. It was slippery, non-friction.

Bob Smiley: I really wish I had a book to throw at you right now.

Jesse: Speaking of books flying at me, I once had some books fall on me at home. I guess it was my fault though. I could only really blame my shelf.

Bob Smiley: Okay, now I wish Donnie was here to throw that Jesse joke folder at someone who happens to be leaving the studio right now.

Jesse: Okay, I'm putting the folder away. But let's get back to your story. So, I'm guessing the book hit your bike, caused you to swerve, and that's how your bike got broken.

Bob Smiley: Yeah, sure. We'll go with that.

Jesse: Wait, now I really want to know what happened.

Bob Smiley: Well, I did swerve, and the book missed me. I'm really good at steering my bike. Well, I was good. No spoilers today. Anyway, Donnie went back inside the school, I'm assuming because he had detention again.

Jesse: AB.

Bob Smiley: Jesse, facts are facts and Donnie is always in detention when I'm there. Anyway, I started to ride out of the parking lot, but I couldn't just leave my book lying on the pavement like that. Jesse, I worked really hard on that book.

Jesse: We worked really hard on that book.

Bob Smiley: Hey, you just corrected all the spelling and made the grammar parts much gooder. But, okay, I guess you're right. We both worked really hard on that book. So, I swung back around and picked it up. Anyway, my bike got wrecked, but that's not the story I came in to tell today.

Jesse: Hang on, you can't leave us hanging after that. How did your bike get wrecked?

Bob Smiley: I don't really think that's important right now.

Jesse: AB, come on.

Bob Smiley: Okay, fine. I rode off holding the book in my left hand and then I noticed that some of the pages were dog-eared.

Jesse: Do you mean they were ruff?

Bob Smiley: Nice dog impression, Jesse.

Jesse: Well, thanks. But I do actually know what dog-eared means. So, the pages were folded in on the top corner to mark certain parts of the book.

Bob Smiley: Right. So, you know what that means? Donnie had read the book. And that got me to thinking about just how funny that book was. It was really funny.

Jesse: I'd say it's in the top four books that you've ever written.

Bob Smiley: Wow, thanks, Jesse. Wait, hang on. Oh, because I've only written four books. Okay. Anyway, it was a wild summer, so I sort of started reading the book while I was still on my bike riding home.

Jesse: Again, let me get this right, AB. I see signs all the time not to text and drive, but I never thought about having a sign to tell kids not to read and ride. Maybe we should put up some billboards.

Bob Smiley: Well, anybody on a bike would never know what the sign said if they were actually obeying the sign.

Jesse: That's true.

Bob Smiley: Anyway, you know that little bridge that goes over the creek just outside our town? You know the one right before you turn down the road to my house?

Jesse: I've heard you mention it before.

Bob Smiley: Well, they really should put guardrails up on that bridge in case someone is enthralled in what some people call one of the four best books in the world.

Jesse: That's not what I said. But hang on, there aren't any guardrails on that bridge?

Bob Smiley: Well, not one tall enough to keep a kid from flipping over his handlebars and falling into the creek. You see, I forgot the bridge road turns a little and I was too busy laughing because my book is so good. So, I didn't see that I was still going straight when I should have been turning. Anyway, I hit the tiny guardrail, flipped over and, well, let's just say I didn't need a shower that day.

Jesse: And at least you weren't hurt, right?

Bob Smiley: Oh, right. Although I fell over the left side of the bridge, the creek was full. So, it was only about a four-foot drop. I didn't even have time to finish the chapter I was on before hitting the water.

Jesse: And it was deep enough that you didn't hit...

Bob Smiley: Oh, it was plenty deep, Jesse. It was like jumping off a diving board into a deep pool. I was fine, but sadly my book was ruined. And that's how my bike got broken. The front wheel was completely smashed in.

Jesse: I don't know whether to laugh or to be relieved that you're okay.

Bob Smiley: Well, you can do both. Anyway, again, that's not the story I hoped to tell today. The point is now I didn't have a bike, and that brings us finally to what I wanted to share today.

Jesse: We're all ears.

Bob Smiley: Still gross. But you know how Billy lives like four miles from my house?

Jesse: I didn't know the exact distance.

Bob Smiley: Well, with no bike, that meant Billy has to ride his bike over to my house every day so we can play. I couldn't go to his house because of the thing my dad gave me to replace my bike.

Jesse: What did your dad give you?

Bob Smiley: A pogo stick.

Jesse: Okay, I mean, that's very interesting and bouncy.

Bob Smiley: Yeah, he said the pogo stick would actually slow me down and boy was my dad right. Have you ever tried to read a book on a pogo stick?

Jesse: I think I can safely say that I've never read a book while jumping on a pogo stick.

Bob Smiley: Really? You should get out more. But it's not easy at all. And going four miles on a pogo stick is even harder. You pretty much have to pack a lunch and maybe even a dinner.

But actually, that's impossible too. Actually, I shouldn't say impossible. I think I shared one of my favorite scriptures a few episodes back about how we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. So, I guess I could pack a lunch, especially since my dad put a basket on the front of my pogo stick so I'd have a place to carry things.

Jesse: And did the basket have a lid?

Bob Smiley: No, and it's funny you ask me that because it really should have. When I put my lunchbox in it to test it out, my food kept bouncing out before I was even out of the driveway.

Jesse: I can totally see this happening. And I have to admit, you came in with some funny stories today.

Bob Smiley: Thanks. Although it wasn't that funny at the time, but I guess now that I'm telling you, I can see... nope, still not funny to me. But that's why Billy had to come over to my house each day.

Jesse: Okay, but that's not out of the norm, right? Because Billy comes over to your house a lot.

Bob Smiley: Two words! Oh, come on, you were going to.

Jesse: I actually wasn't. But you've beaten me way too many times in the a lot game.

Bob Smiley: Two words!

Jesse: All right, you got me again.

Bob Smiley: But what you were saying is right. Billy comes over all the time, but that many days in a row at one place, Jesse, we were getting super bored. So, we decided to play a game.

Jesse: That's always a good idea.

Bob Smiley: Actually, we decided to invent a game.

Jesse: And that's always not a good idea, especially for you two.

Bob Smiley: Jesse, what are you talking about? We come up with great games.

Jesse: I seem to remember Billy's dad having to hire a plumber after one of the latest games you came up with.

Bob Smiley: After one of the latest games Billy came up with.

Jesse: Okay, we all know the truth. So, what game did you come up with this time?

Bob Smiley: Well, I first suggested "Catch the Cat," but our cat is way too mean. Then I suggested "Catch the Brother," but...

Jesse: But what?

Bob Smiley: But Jesse, my brother is meaner than the cat.

Jesse: I doubt that's true, but I guess I've never met your cat.

Bob Smiley: Then I finally had a great idea. In fact, I had the perfect idea. Billy and I could play a game that we would call "Dig a Hole."

Jesse: Dig a hole. That's the perfect idea. Isn't that just doing yard work?

Bob Smiley: Well, yes and no. My dad wanted to plant another tree in the backyard, so my idea was to go ahead and dig the hole for him since I'm always looking for nice things to do for my dad. Plus, we'd have an underground hideout until he bought the tree.

Jesse: There it is. So, you guys were building an underground fort to play in. Forts can be fun. I once made a fort out of a bunch of doors and I called it "Fort Knox" because of all the doors.

Bob Smiley: Wow. I really wish I was back in that hole right now.

Jesse: Sorry. But please finish your story once you're done laughing.

Bob Smiley: Oh, well, then I'll pick up instantly. So, we dug the hole. It was really easy because it had just rained and then we used a garden hose once we got down to the drier dirt.

Jesse: You know, I once had a giant pile of dirt...

Bob Smiley: And that sounds very interesting, Jesse, but we're almost out of time and I really hate to cut you off, but I don't hate to cut you off. So, back to my story.

We eventually got the hole dug deep enough that no one could see us even when we stood up. It took us like four hours, including the breaks we had to take every time the cat or my brother walked around the house.

Jesse: Okay, wait. So, you actually got to play those other two games too.

Bob Smiley: We actually did. But Billy had to leave before my dad got home, so we decided to show my dad the next day when Billy could stay longer. You know, Billy worked really hard on this and I wanted him to have some of the credit when my dad saw what a great thing that we did for him.

Jesse: So, you boys were living out what it says in Galatians chapter 6 verse 10.

Bob Smiley: Yeah. Wait a minute. Is that the one that says don't eat these birds because they are unclean? The birds include eagles and vultures and black vultures. That verse is super weird because I mean, who would eat an eagle?

Jesse: I hope nobody. But no, I think the passage you're thinking about there is from Leviticus. The verse from Galatians says, "So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are in the household of faith."

The Bible also tells children to honor their father and mother. So, what you and Billy were doing for your dad was living out, in a practical way, both of those scriptures. So, was your dad excited when he saw the hole that you two dug for him?

Bob Smiley: Not at first. That's why I was kind of nervous to share this story. It didn't exactly go how I thought it would.

Jesse: Well, I'm all ears. Oops. Yeah, I guess it is kind of gross. I'm listening.

Bob Smiley: Well, to keep the hole a secret, I put a thin piece of plywood over it and then I sprinkled dirt on top so my dad wouldn't notice.

Jesse: But wouldn't he notice that there was no grass?

Bob Smiley: No grass? Jesse, we live in Texas. We have dirt patches all over our yard.

Jesse: Fair point.

Bob Smiley: So, looking back, I should have picked a stronger board, like way stronger. You know, something that was strong enough to hold, let's say, 264 pounds. I think I should have also put the garden hose back up next to the house.

Jesse: Oh no. I think I can see where this is going.

Bob Smiley: Well, I wish my dad would have seen where he was going. Dad got home and walked across the yard to pick up the garden hose in the middle of the yard and he... Oh, hey producer guy, can I get the sound of a board breaking and then someone falling into a hole? Yeah, it went exactly like that.

Jesse: Okay, well, I now have the same question as when you ran your bike into the guardrail on the bridge.

Bob Smiley: Oh, what chapter was I on?

Jesse: No, was your dad hurt?

Bob Smiley: Oh, my dad was fine. My dad is, well, very padded.

Jesse: Still, a fall like that, I'm just glad he's okay.

Bob Smiley: Oh, he was. I could actually hear him laughing down in the hole. So, I ran over and yelled, "Surprise!" But honestly, I think it was kind of too late. You know, some people don't like surprises and boy is my dad some people.

Jesse: Okay, so my next question has to be: was he mad at you and Billy?

Bob Smiley: Not at all. He was actually super excited. In fact, the next day he brought home a giant tree for us to plant and Jesse, you want to hear the best part of the story?

Jesse: No, I'm good. You know, I'd actually like to go back and talk about that gorilla that I saw at the zoo at Christmas. You know, I never got to finish that story that I started back in episode 115.

Bob Smiley: Jesse, what are you doing?

Jesse: Okay, I'm just kidding. What was the best part, Bob?

Bob Smiley: You had me there for a second. Anyway, the best part is when he had me open the tailgate to his truck to help him unload the tree. Jesse, laying down in the back of the truck was a brand new bike! Well, brand new to me.

Jesse: Brand new to you?

Bob Smiley: Yeah, he got it at a thrift store. But it was brand new to me, and now I could pedal instead of hop everywhere. Dad said he got it for me as a reward for knowing that he wanted a hole dug in the yard and me doing it without even being asked. He said, "Bob, you've earned this. Now you can go stay at Billy's house every day before supper time." And then he added, "Maybe his family would like a hole too."

Jesse: Okay, well, it sounds to me like your dad was just trying to get you to go over to Billy's.

Bob Smiley: No, Jesse. He rewarded me for being a super awesome son.

Jesse: Yep, let's go with that. And it's a good reminder to all kids listening. Your parents do stuff for you all the time, so it can be a great idea to randomly do nice stuff for them, like Average Boy did for his dad.

Bob Smiley: Yeah, you might get a bike out of it.

Jesse: That's not the point I was trying to make.

Bob Smiley: Oh, I know. God wants us to treat others the way we want to be treated, and it makes God happy when we're nice to people. So, if that's the case, why not be nice to the people that brought you into this world and who are taking care of you? Yeah, you know what? Actually, that's my challenge to everyone. Okay, this story wasn't as bad as I thought it might have been. Anyway, thanks for listening, everyone. I'm Bob.

Jesse: AB, AB, hang on. I think we have just enough time to answer a fan letter and I think you're really going to like this one. Braxton wrote in and said, "I love your podcast, but can you remind me the history of the a lot..."

Bob Smiley: Two words!

Jesse: Yeah! "Can you remind me of the history of the two words joke?"

Bob Smiley: You know what, Jesse? Have we actually explained that on here?

Jesse: I don't think we have. I think we just started doing it because of something that you told me off air.

Bob Smiley: Well, on air, I want everyone to know that I have an English teacher whose biggest pet peeve is when a student spells the word a lot... Two words! Two words! As one word with no space. Because I don't know if you listeners know this, but a lot... Two words! Two words! A lot is actually spelled as two words. So, anytime someone reads something in class, if they say the word a lot... Two words! My teacher actually does what we do on this podcast. She says "two words" as a reminder to us all. So, that's the story.

Jesse: That's a good story. And tell them the other reason why we do this.

Bob Smiley: I think we're out of time though, right? We're out of time. So, I'm Bob.

Jesse: No, we can make some time. So, what's the story?

Bob Smiley: Okay, fine. When I wrote my first book, I forgot my teacher's rule and I spelled a lot... Two words! I spelled it all together as one word throughout the entire book and somebody had to go back...

Jesse: That somebody has a name.

Bob Smiley: And Jesse had to go back and change every single one of them to two words when he was editing my first book. So, when I started on the second book, Jesse kept reminding me. So, I started doing what my teacher does and shouting "two words" anytime I wrote it. Well, not when I wrote it, when I wrote "a lot." Two words!

Jesse: You're really good at that game. Well, and then we kind of carried the tradition over to the podcast to keep it fresh in AB's mind in case he starts working on a fifth book. It saves me so much time editing. And now it's just sort of a fun tradition, like giving a pomegranate to an angry gorilla at Christmas. But do you know what tradition I don't like?

Bob Smiley: Oh, is it when we have to end an episode?

Jesse: That's right. But unfortunately, we're at the end of today's Official Average Boy Podcast, a presentation of Focus on the Family. If you haven't heard our other episodes, you can go back and listen to them all at averageboypodcast.com.

And parents, while you're on that website, click on the parents page to subscribe to Focus on the Family Clubhouse Magazine. This award-winning magazine features an award-winning and humorous Adventures of Average Boy story every month.

Bob Smiley: And just below the Clubhouse Magazine sign-up link, parents can also click on the link to buy my devotion books, *Devotions for Super Average Kids* books one and two, or you can get my two new books, *Average Boy's Above Average Year* and *Average Boy's Above Average Summer*.

All four books are filled with lots of laughs and encouragement and cool ways to grow closer to God. Also, we love hearing from our listeners. So, if you want to leave a voicemail or comment, just click the link in the show notes and ask a question or just leave a comment. But be sure to get your parents' permission because we might use your question or comment on a future episode.

Jesse: Well, once again, thanks for listening, everyone. I'm Bob.

Jesse: And I'm Jesse telling you, don't be average.

Bob Smiley: Be super average!