The Official Average Boy Podcast

Jesse: Welcome to episode 122 of the Official Average Boy Podcast. I'm Jesse from Focus on the Family Clubhouse Magazine.

Bob: And I'm Bob Smiley, aka Average Boy, aka the Eager Exciter Engager of Enlightenment.

Jesse: Oh, you're done? That was a shorter introduction than I'm used to.

Bob: That's because I'm super ready to jump into the story I want to tell today.

Jesse: Well, that's great. When you have an embarrassing story, you normally make your introductions really long, so I'm guessing today you have a story about something great that you did lately.

Bob: Perfectly said, but I would have said it faster because I really am ready to jump in. This story isn't about something great I did. It's a story about... Actually, no spoilers today.

I'm focused and I'm totally ready to share this story. Jesse, where's that new coffee cup that you had last time?

Jesse: It's in the dishwasher, so I grabbed this cup with a picture of Pike's Peak on it. But let's get back to what you were saying.

Bob: It looks cool. Okay, let's do that. What was I saying?

Jesse: You said how focused you were and you were ready. But then you got distracted.

Bob: That didn't sound like me.

Jesse: I don't do a good impression of your voice, but as long as you pointed out my coffee cup, did you know that I brought both cups to the office on February 14th?

Bob: No. Why'd you do that?

Jesse: I just wanted to see the happy couple. Because it was two cups. They were a couple. And it was Valentine's Day.

Bob: Now I'm wishing I'd made my introduction way longer.

Jesse: Come on, AB. You don't want to make my coffee cup sad.

Bob: Of course not. Wait a minute, coffee cups can't get sad.

Jesse: Sure they can, especially when they're filled with depresso instead of espresso.

Bob: Well, if I'm being honest now, I am a depresso too.

Jesse: That was such a good Italian accent, Bob. Okay, I'm going to put up my folder for now. Let's get into the story that you were so excited to tell.

Bob: Awesome. I'd been up in the tree for about an hour and I was starting to think my friends had forgotten about me. Or maybe I was just part of a giant prank. Either way, things were not looking good.

Jesse: AB, I got to stop you there. I've said this in the past, but when you start your story in the middle, our listeners have no idea where you are or what's going on.

Bob: I was up in a tree. I thought I said that. Jesse, maybe you need another sip of coffee.

Jesse: Great idea. I love some hazelnut. We know you were up in a tree, but where was the tree and why were you in it? We need some major details. Was the huge hairy hisser after you again?

Bob: The huge hairy hisser definitely has a major detail. And thanks for the plug for my latest book, but no, Triple H wasn't there at all. I was in a tree at the Woodsy Park outside our town.

Wait, Producer Guy. Can you grab the joke folder from Jesse before he starts looking up park or woods jokes, please?

Producer Guy: I'm sorry, Jesse. Hand it over.

Jesse: Come on, AB. Give me some credit. I'm excited to hear your story, so I'm not going to distract you with any woods jokes. Nope, not at all. Even though my jokes about the woods are tremendous.

Bob: I was going to let that not joke pass, but you're again barking up the wrong tree with that wooded joke. I nailed it. Anyway, Billy, Everly, Sarah, and I had decided to volunteer for the church's preschool Easter egg hunt.

Jesse: That's great, AB. Volunteering, especially with church activities, is a great way to show kindness, serve others, and be the hands and feet of Jesus.

Bob: That's absolutely true, but if I'm being honest, we were more voluntold. Our youth leader picked us and told us to be there. Still, we were happy to help out with the little kids. I'm always ready to serve and be a blessing to anyone around me.

Jesse: So cool. What exactly excited you about serving?

Bob: It was whenever I found out we could eat some of the Easter candy.

Jesse: Well, you see listeners, I've learned to ask important follow-up questions. Asking questions is a good skill to develop.

Bob: I would have done it anyway, Jesse. I just got more excited when I saw the huge bags of candy. But I know there are lots of Bible verses that talk about how we should serve others.

Jesse: True. For instance, Galatians chapter 5 verse 13 and 14 reminds us: "Through love, serve one another. For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: You shall love your neighbor as yourself."

Bob: That's not exactly one word. That's a bunch of words.

Jesse: No, yes, it is, but when it says fulfilled in one word, it means actually... Let's just move on.

Bob: No, I think I get it. Like in one command.

Jesse: There you go. Exactly.

Bob: Yeah, and there I was, up in the tree all alone, all by myself.

Jesse: Wait, why were you alone? I thought you said Billy, Everly, and Sarah were with you.

Bob: Sarah sort of took charge after we were voluntold. She does that, which is super annoying because it keeps me from taking charge. Anyway, the plan was for the adults to bring all the kids to the park and then it was up to us to decide how to do the Easter egg hunt for all the kids.

Jesse: What's there to decide really? You hide the eggs and the candy and the kids look for them, right?

Bob: Jesse, have you met Sarah?

Jesse: Yes, remember that one time at the water park?

Bob: I totally forgot about that. So you know she likes to be in charge and organize everything and she always likes to throw in a twist.

Jesse: Like the twist at the end of that water slide? Or the twists that somebody else I know likes to throw into their stories or games that they create.

Bob: Anyway, Sarah said, "Here's what we'll do," and then she told us her plan. I, as you subtly suggested, had a different plan that I thought would be way better and more efficient, definitely way faster.

Jesse: And what was your more efficient, faster plan?

Bob: The kids just wanted the candy, right? That was the whole point. So my plan was to hide all the candy and eggs in the bags they came in and then just put them in the parking lot where the kids get out of their cars. That seemed like the fastest way to get the results that everyone wanted.

Jesse: It was fast, but it doesn't seem like very much fun. So what was Sarah's plan?

Bob: Sarah wanted all of us to spread out with all our bags and hide the eggs all over the park. It's a big park, Jesse.

Then once the eggs were all hidden, Sarah said that she and Everly would meet the kids in the parking lot and they would be the team leaders to make sure they didn't wander too far from where we had hidden all the eggs.

Jesse: Okay, but I'm still not hearing a twist. And what about you and Billy? What were your jobs?

Bob: This part of the story gets a little annoying as well. Billy jumped in and said that he'd be the Eagle Eye Egg Extractor.

Jesse: The Eagle Eye Egg Extractor? I don't know what that is, but it sounds really cool.

Bob: Yeah, I was like you. I was confused at first, so I asked him what that meant. Jesse, he told me that he would ride a scooter around to help kids get eggs from hard to reach places and show the little kids where to find some of the harder eggs.

Jesse: Wow, that's an amazing job and an amazing job title.

Bob: Really? I mean, I guess. I thought it was sort of a ridiculous name.

Jesse: You're jealous you didn't come up with it, aren't you?

Bob: So jealous. Jesse, I'm the writer. How did I not come up with that? I'm the creative of the two. No offense to Billy, but when it comes to clever wordplay, Billy's like a tricycle and I'm something way cooler than a tricycle. You get what I'm saying, right?

Jesse: Barely. But let's keep going. So what was your job and what did you come up with for a super cool title to go with it?

Bob: While I was trying to come up with a super cool name, Everly handed me five bags of candy and told me that I was in charge of the golden egg. That's when I instantly became...

Jesse: Producer Guy, give me some awesome background music.

Producer Guy: Coming right up.

Bob: That's when I instantly became Keeper of the Sacred Golden Egg. Take that, Eagle Eye Billy.

Jesse: It's still not as good as Billy's title, is it?

Bob: Not even close. But still, I was excited to be a part of the golden egg tradition.

Jesse: Before we continue, I remember what the golden egg is from past stories you've written in Clubhouse Magazine, but for our new fans, can you describe what it is?

Bob: Sure. And even if you think you know, you don't know because that's where Sarah's twist comes in. But I'll get to that in a second. First, the listeners need to know about the golden egg.

The golden egg is a giant egg and I would describe it as not really round, but more like an ovally shaped sphere.

Jesse: So an egg shape.

Bob: Yeah, and it's a really dark yellow color.

Jesse: So golden. The golden egg is egg-shaped and golden.

Bob: Oh, so you have seen it. Plus, this is the best part, it holds a ton of candy. It holds the most candy, an entire bag of candy.

So every year, naturally, all the kids want to be the one who finds it. But this year Sarah and Everly decided to put a twist on the tradition and make it a team-building sport.

Jesse: Well, that sounds fun and correct me if I'm wrong, but you really like team-building sports.

Bob: Oh yeah, I do, especially if I can do it by myself. Which turns out was true in this case.

Jesse: Okay, so you're like a one-person team. I'm not even sure how that would work.

Bob: Sarah knew how the game would work. She decided that we'd hide clues in some of the smaller eggs and when the clues were all found, the kids could come together and figure out where the giant golden egg was hidden.

Jesse: So the kids would bring all the clues to the group and then everyone would work together to figure out where to go. So everyone would find the prizes, one big team. That actually sounds very egg-ucational. Egg-ucational, but with eggs?

Bob: Producer Guy, you can actually give him that folder back. Turns out his off-the-cuff jokes are somehow even worse.

Producer Guy: Here you go.

Jesse: Thanks. Okay, but let's get back to your story where you turn a bunch of kids into egg-splorers.

Bob: That was actually pretty good. Anyway, the girls wanted me to hide up in the tree just a little outside the park and once the kids showed up and spotted me, I was supposed to drop the five bags of candy down on them, so everyone would get a ton of candy and they'd all sort of win by working together.

Jesse: That sounds like a great twist to the Easter egg hunt.

Bob: Yeah, I guess. So anyway, now we're all caught up. Can I start my story now?

Jesse: Please do.

Bob: I'd been up in the tree for about an hour and I was starting to think my friends had forgotten about me. Or I was just part of a giant prank. Either way, things were not looking good.

Jesse: So you really are starting over from the beginning.

Bob: I'm just reminding everyone where I was. I'd been in that tree for a while and just as I was about to give up, Jesse, I heard a noise.

Jesse: The kids were coming?

Bob: No. The noise was from above me. I looked up and that's when a giant acorn hit me right between the eyes. Yeah, it sounded like that.

Then once my eyes stopped watering and my nose stopped throbbing, I glanced up again and saw a squirrel. Jesse, an evil laughing acorn-chunking squirrel.

Jesse: Well, squirrels can be a nuisance. Actually, we had some problems with squirrels recently, so I had to hire a squirrel detective.

Bob: Really? A squirrel detective?

Jesse: Yeah, haven't you ever heard of Squirrel-lock Holmes?

Bob: Anyway, I can see the squirrel darting above me. He was obviously looking for another acorn to throw. That's when I started questioning this entire thing. Did my friends just forget about me? Or worse yet, were they pulling a giant prank on me?

Jesse: What would the giant prank be?

Bob: Tricking me into hiding out in the woods and then just leaving me there. Jesse, it had been forever since I'd climbed up in that tree with the golden egg and the five bags of candy, and now there was no sign of my friends or any of the kids.

Then I heard the squirrel laugh again. I knew it was time to leave before I took another acorn to the face. But I was kind of sad because I really did want to make it rain down candy on a bunch of excited kids. But I finally decided enough was enough. My nose could not take another thumping.

Jesse: Really? Because acorns are good for any oak-casion. Oak-casion, because acorns turn into oak trees.

Bob: Jesse, that joke was just nuts. Wait, hang on. What do you call a group of musical acorns?

Jesse: I don't know, what?

Bob: An oak-chestra. Finally a good one on here.

Jesse: It's not bad, but it's definitely going in the folder. So let's get back to your story. What happened next?

Bob: This is where it starts to get really good. I threw a couple of pieces of candy at the evil squirrel and then I swung my leg over the tree branch that I was sitting on and I prepared to climb down and then...

Jesse: And then what?

Bob: That's when I heard someone shout, "Average Boy has the golden egg! He's up in the tree!" Jesse, I then looked and a huge group of kids were running toward me.

Jesse: So it wasn't a prank.

Bob: It wasn't a prank at all. Billy told me later that it took the kids way longer to figure out the clues than they had originally thought it would. Leave it to Sarah to make the clues super hard.

Jesse: Did you drop down all the candy?

Bob: I did. I dumped all four bags of candy out of the sacks and made it rain sugar all over the sea of little grabby hands. It was awesome.

Jesse: Hey, AB, hang on. Four bags of candy? I thought you said you had five bags of candy when you first started.

Bob: Jesse, I was up in that tree for a long time. Don't judge me. I needed something to do while I was waiting.

Jesse: You ate an entire bag of candy?

Bob: No.

Jesse: Well, good.

Bob: I threw two of the pieces at the evil squirrel.

Jesse: It sounds like you and your friends did a great thing and made a bunch of little kids happy. It really does feel good when you help others, doesn't it?

Bob: Totally true. But the other great thing about this story is something we've mentioned many times on here before.

Jesse: Oh yeah, it's important to pick good friends.

Bob: That's right. It's important to pick good friends. Even though I thought they might be pranking me, deep down, I knew my friends wouldn't treat me like that.

So actually, I'm going to correct something that I said at the beginning of this episode. This is a story about something good I did. I picked really good friends.

Jesse: I don't think we can emphasize that enough on our show. Picking good friends, especially at an early age, is really important to help keep you on the path that God wants you to be on.

Speaking of an early age, I think we have time to answer one listener's comment and I'd like us to tackle this one from Hadia. Hadia wrote in from Trinidad and Tobago.

Bob: I've actually been there. Those are cities in Ohio, right?

Jesse: I think you're thinking of Trinity and Toledo. Trinidad and Tobago is in the Caribbean.

Bob: Oh, well, I use those things when I go rock climbing.

Jesse: No, now I think you're thinking of a carabiner, which is a clip for locking ropes together. How about if I just read the letter?

Bob: Sounds good.

Jesse: Hadia said, "Hi AB, my name is Hadia. I have a question. How old is too old to listen to this podcast? I am 15 years old and I listen to the podcast every night before I go to bed. You and Jesse have me laughing all the time. But I don't want to be called uncool for listening to a kid podcast."

Bob: Okay, hang on. First of all, who's saying my podcast is uncool?

Jesse: Our podcast.

Bob: Okay, who's saying my podcast that Jesse is on is uncool? Have you been talking to Donnie? I mean, come on, we get fan mail from adults all the time and they find this podcast really funny. And all the stuff we talk about on here, things like picking good friends, or putting God first, or how to throw a perfect curveball.

Jesse: I don't think we've gotten to that one yet.

Bob: We give good advice on here, and that's good for everyone, not just kids. And this podcast is funny for adults and kids. So to answer your question, Hadia, which by the way, great name, as to how old is too old to listen to this podcast, I guess I would say 128. I mean, no offense to the 129-year-olds out there. You can still listen too.

Jesse: That's well said, but I doubt we have many 128 or 129-year-old listeners. But do you know what we do have?

Bob: No time left on today's podcast?

Jesse: That's right.

Bob: I know, and I also know the Official Average Boy Podcast is a presentation of Focus on the Family. If you haven't heard our other episodes, you can always go back and listen to them all at averageboypodcast.com.

Jesse: And parents, if you go to that website, click on the parents' page to subscribe to Focus on the Family Clubhouse Magazine. This award-winning magazine features a new Adventures of Average Boy story every month that's written by Bob and edited by me.

Bob: Speaking of things that I write and you edit, parents can also click on the link to buy my devotion books: Devotions for Super Average Kids, Books 1 and 2, or my two new books: Average Boy's Above Average Year and Average Boy's Above Average Summer. I promise all four books are guaranteed to make you laugh and they will help you grow closer to God.

Jesse: Lastly, we love hearing from our listeners. If you want to leave a voicemail or comment, just click the link in the show notes. But be sure to get your parents' permission before, because we might use your question, comment, and name on a future episode.

Bob: Like we did today with Hadia. Still such a great name. Anyway, thanks for listening, everyone. I'm Bob.

Jesse: And I'm Jesse telling you: Don't be average. Be super average. Oh look, I just found another piece of Easter candy in my pocket. Yummy.