The Official Average Boy Podcast

Announcer: Look out, he's back with shoes untied and his hair slicked back, taking life on one day at a time. Average boy and Jess bringing the rhyme.

Jessie: Welcome to episode 136 of the official Average Boy podcast. I'm Jessie from Focus on the Family Clubhouse magazine.

Bob Smiley: So anyway, the blue streak in my hair was from my brother. He thought it would be hilarious to go out

Jessie: Wait, wait, wait, AB?

Bob Smiley: Yeah?

Jessie: I I know everyone who listened to episode 135 really wants to hear why you have a blue streak in your hair, but we always have new listeners with each episode. So why don't we just stick with our format?

Bob Smiley: You mean stick with our award-winning format?

Jessie: That's the one.

Bob Smiley: Well, then hey everyone. Hey, I'm the one and only Bob Smiley, aka Average Boy. Aka the the crisp calculating cake crusader, crime fighter, and cackling cake connoisseur.

Jessie: Cackling, huh? All right, well, I'm not sure what that means, but it sounds like you've got a story involving cake. And I love cake, even the sad ones.

Bob Smiley: Yeah. Wait, the sad ones? What cake is sad?

Jessie: Tiara Misou. Uh, with the cocoa powder.

Bob Smiley: Oh, no. Okay, listeners, I am so sorry. I didn't even think about all the cake jokes that Jessie might have in his Jessie joke folder. So okay, different topic. Let's Let's talk about how to throw the perfect curve ball.

Jessie: All right. Well, I I can put my folder away. But Bob, we sort of covered the why and how baseball curves in episode 50.

Bob Smiley: Oh, yeah, that's right. You know, it always amazes me the things we talk about. Just like it amazes me that we get a few comments from listeners who actually like your Jessie jokes.

Jessie: I'd say we get more than a few.

Bob Smiley: I guess, but I'm I'm thinking that those people probably listen to our podcast on mute.

Jessie: Wait. How do you listen to a podcast on mute?

Bob Smiley: Oh, it's pretty easy. In fact, it sounds like this.

Jessie: Bob, that's not funny. Nobody would listen to our podcast if it sounded like nothing.

Bob Smiley: Yeah, my podcast. But before I continue the story, how many more cake jokes do you have in your folder there, Jessie?

Jessie: Oh, layers of them. But I need us to stay on time here today, unlike that one cake.

Bob Smiley: Okay, I know this is a setup, but I'll play along. What kind of cake doesn't stay on time?

Jessie: Chocolate one. Sorry, chocolate cake.

Bob Smiley: Okay, I'm going to be honest. That wasn't bad.

Jessie: Okay, yeah. And don't forget that blowing out the candles on a birthday cake, it actually makes the candles really happy.

Bob Smiley: Really? It makes them happy? How does it make them happy?

Jessie: Oh, they're delighted. Because they're not putting out light anymore?

Bob Smiley: Okay, wow. That's two good ones in a row.

Jessie: Okay, thanks. I'm going to stop while I am ahead. Plus, I want you to have time to tell your story and you know, no matter how much I love cake jokes, I would never desert you or leave you out in the rain.

Bob Smiley: So anyway, my brother thought it'd be funny to put a line of blue hair dye in the inside of my bike helmet. So he did. And turns out that morning, I was really late for school. So

Jessie: Chocolat? Chocolat?

Bob Smiley: Jessie, I I think we moved on.

Jessie: Okay, maybe. But why were you late for school?

Bob Smiley: That's not really important right now, but I ran into the garage, grabbed my bike helmet, and raced off to school. And I guess the long ride to school gave the hair dye time to make a perfect blue stripe down the middle of my hair. And at first when I took my helmet off, I wasn't mad because honestly, it kind of looked cool. But then Donnie showed up and started making fun of me.

Jessie: Oh, what did he say?

Bob Smiley: Donnie said, Hey AB, is the hair down the center of your noggin really cold? It's turning blue.

Jessie: Yeah, that's a little uninspired. But still, you know, any sort of bullying is not God honoring. Ephesians chapter 4 verse 29 reminds us to not let any unwholesome talk come out of our mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Bob Smiley: Well, I didn't feel built up by Donnie at all, especially when he also said that I looked like someone rubbed a smurf across my head.

Jessie: I mean, that's smurftastic.

Bob Smiley: Yeah, it was a little funny. But I told that story to explain why I had a blue streak in my hair on the last episode.

Jessie: Yeah, episode 135.

Bob Smiley: Not a math podcast, but yes, you're right. And as you can see, the blue streak is gone now. Oh, just like my mom's cake.

Jessie: Oh, yeah. Hey, way to get us back on track, Bob. So your story today is about a cake your mom made?

Bob Smiley: Yes, sir. And not just any cake. Jessie, my mom made the best cake she's ever baked.

Jessie: That good, huh?

Bob Smiley: Oh, Jessie, this was a one of a kind cake, you know, the the the kind that shows up in your dreams later. Jessie, this cake had healing powers.

Jessie: Wait, healing powers? Come on, AB.

Bob Smiley: No, it's true. I got bit by a giant Texas mosquito when I was hiding down by the bridge to scare my I got bit by a giant Texas mosquito the other day.

Jessie: And what were you doing?

Bob Smiley: Doesn't matter, but this mosquito got me good. You know, and you know they're bigger in Texas. I was afraid if he didn't let go of my ankle, he might actually take me with him wherever he flew off again.

Jessie: She?

Bob Smiley: Wait a minute, she?

Jessie: Yeah, male mosquitoes don't bite humans. They feed on plant nectar. It's only the female mosquitoes that bite us so they can get the protein and iron they need to produce eggs.

Bob Smiley: That's gross. But I really glad God didn't make chickens that way.

Jessie: So true. But let's get back to the healing powers of your mom's cake.

Bob Smiley: Oh, yeah. Thanks, Jessie. You know, this is why I love having you on my podcast.

Jessie: Our podcast.

Bob Smiley: So I had a really bad mosquito bite, but after one slice of that cake, the mosquito bite stopped itching and it started clearing up.

Jessie: Amazing.

Bob Smiley: Yeah, that's what I thought. Although mom said it was because I finally stopped scratching it. And she also said it had nothing to do with her cake. She claimed that the pink medicine that she put on my ankle helped heal it up. But but you know what? I think it's the healing cake.

Jessie: Well, that sounds like one special cake. Well, and that your mom really likes pink.

Bob Smiley: Oh, I get what you're saying. And both of those things are true. In fact, the cake was so good that mom had to make a rule that everyone could only have two slices each. That's it. Two slices. And that 's not even the worst part of the story.

Jessie: Well, I can't wait to hear this, but what was the worst part?

Bob Smiley: She made the rule right after I finished the last bite of my second piece.

Jessie: Okay, not that I'm playing a detective, but how long had it been from the time your mom took the cake out of the oven to when you had finished your second slice?

Bob Smiley: Okay, about 6 minutes.

Jessie: Okay, all right. So so you see everyone, I'm learning to be a great detective.

Bob Smiley: Yeah. You're a regular hardy boy.

Jessie: Well, I also tell jokes, so wouldn't that make me a hardy har har boy?

Bob Smiley: Anyway, Jessie, I don't I don't know why my mom felt like she had to make a rule that quickly.

Jessie: Okay, so going back to your introduction, I now get the cackling cake connoisseur part. But what makes you a crisp calculating cake crusader, crime fighter?

Bob Smiley: Oh, well done. And a great question. Evidently, we got down to only one cake slice left, and it belonged to my dad. And I think my dad was leaving it around just to taunt me.

Jessie: Or you know, maybe he's trying to be an example of having self-control.

Bob Smiley: Yeah, maybe. But whatever the reason, it was driving me crazy. I knew how good it was, and I had to walk by that cake slice all the time in the kitchen.

Jessie: Why did you have to walk by it all the time?

Bob Smiley: Well, obviously to make sure it was still there.

Jessie: Okay, but well, since it was your dad's slice, weren't you just torturing yourself by walking by All right, you know what? Let's just keep going and get to the cake crusader part.

Bob Smiley: So after a few days of complete torture, I begged my mom to make an addition to the two piece per person cake slice rule.

Jessie: And what was this addition to her rule?

Bob Smiley: I asked her to change it to if the last piece of cake wasn't eaten by 10:00 a.m. that day, that that the cake became a free agent. But she kept countering with a different offer.

Jessie: And what was her counter offer?

Bob Smiley: No.

Jessie: Wait. No? That That That's it? That was her counter offer?

Bob Smiley: That was her counter offer. But she finally gave in. It took a while to convince her, but she finally said okay. I think she caved just so I'd leave her room and she could finally go back to sleep. But she did make one adjustment though. She said if dad's piece of cake wasn't eaten by noon instead of 10:00 a.m., then the cake became a free range slice of cake.

Jessie: Yeah, okay. I don't think the phrase free range really works because cakes don't walk. Wait, unless they're part of a cake walk?

Bob Smiley: Oh, yeah, that's good. But anyway, the biggest problem was now my brother heard the rule changes well. So I needed a plan to beat him to that last slice of cake.

Jessie: Okay. So let me get this straight. This was going to come down to a standoff at high noon for the last piece of cake.

Bob Smiley: Oh, that's right. That sounds like an old timey western. Oh, hang on. I have an idea. Hey producer guy, can we get some old timey western sounds playing really low under the rest of the story?

Producer: I reckon there's a fair possibility of that having in there, Hoss. I'll get that sound bite for you quicker than a rodeo in a prize bull machine. I'll get that for you quicker than a rodeo in a prize bull machine.

Jessie: Wow, we really should check the air vents in the studio, you know, to make sure he's getting enough oxygen.

Producer: Oh, got it. Got that sound bite for you.

Bob Smiley: Oh, okay, that's perfect. So with Black Bart Brian riding in the town, I knew I'd be needing backup. So I called on old Billy to the rescue.

Jessie: AB, sorry to interrupt you again, but isn't Billy 3 months younger than you?

Bob Smiley: Huh? So I called on Baby Billy to the rescue. What we needed here now was a good old fashioned stakeout. That Bart cake needed to have some papers on them till high noon when the harvesting would take place.

Jessie: Bob, you do a really good impression of an old timey cowboy.

Bob Smiley: Oh, thanks. It's kind of fun to do.

Jessie: Uh, AB?

Bob Smiley: Oh, yeah.

Jessie: Uh, well, aren't you going to continue the story?

Bob Smiley: Oh, yeah. I kind of forgot about the story. I I was enjoying this music. It's really peaceful.

Jessie: Okay, but you know, as an editor, I'm going to ask for the music to stop so we can end our story on time. And AB, let's let's let's bring you back into the year 2026 and have you keep telling the story like normal. Well, or as normally as an average boy story can be told.

Bob Smiley: Well, mighty fine there, young feller. Uh, or I mean, yes, sir. So Billy brought over some walkie talkies so we could set up in different areas. We obviously couldn't stand over the cake waiting till noon because that would remind dad and my brother that time was running out. So Billy hid in the pantry watching the cake and the garage door.

Jessie: Oh, wait. Hang on a second here. Is this the same pantry that your mom hid in when that tiny wasp thingy flew into the kitchen?

Bob Smiley: Yeah, that's the one. Except Jessie, it wasn't tiny. That wasp had a beard in and it could probably vote.

Jessie: Okay. Yeah, well, go on.

Bob Smiley: So I hid in my room so I could watch the hallway. Dad and Brian were both in their bedroom, so it was a perfect layout. I could radio Billy if anyone was leaving their room and approaching the kitchen.

Jessie: Walkie talkies were a good idea.

Bob Smiley: Oh, thanks, but they ended up frustrating Billy.

Jessie: How so?

Bob Smiley: Well, we didn't want dad or Brian to know what we were up to. And honestly, we really don't know how walkie talkies work. So we were worried that dad or Brian might be able to hack in and listen to our plan. So we decided to use code names.

Jessie: Okay, good idea, but I'm still waiting for the frustrating part.

Bob Smiley: Okay. Well, evidently I kept getting Billy's code name wrong. He wanted to be called Road Runner, but I kept forgetting that.

Jessie: Uh-huh. You forgot. Well, okay. So what were you calling him? Just kind of run through a little bit of the conversation as best you can remember. Yeah, this ought to be fun.

Bob Smiley: Okay, so let me think back. So I started with

Bob Smiley: Breaker breaker, this is Eagle Eye. Come in, Pavement Pacer.

Jessie: Pavement Pacer instead of Road Runner?

Bob Smiley: Yeah, Jessie, come on. It was close enough. But you have to remember, I was also distracted by the cake. I couldn't think about nicknames. All I could think about was that magic healing morsel.

Jessie: Okay, so please continue with the conversation.

Bob Smiley: So of course Billy shot back with It's not Pavement Pacer. My code name is Road Runner. But I still wasn't paying attention, so I said Copy that, highway hiker.

Jessie: Okay. But were you really not paying attention or were you just trying to annoy Billy?

Bob Smiley: A a little of both. But in my defense, I was getting really bored just sitting in my room. I needed to create my own entertainment while I waited. Anyway, Billy said

Billy: Ignoring that, I still have eyes on the cake slice. But how much longer?

Jessie: Man, this really must be some cake for you and Billy to go to all that trouble.

Bob Smiley: Oh, it was worth it, trust me. And I can't wait for you to hear the end of the story. So I glanced at my alarm clock next to my bed. It said 11:52. So I radioed back

Billy: 6 minutes, Lane Loaper.

Jessie: Lane Loaper, it's a good one. But I know this isn't a math podcast, but you said 6 minutes, but if it was 11:52, that's 8 minutes till noon, not 6.

Bob Smiley: Okay, that's true, but I'm just going to be honest with you guys. It took me 2 minutes to figure out the math. So it was actually 6 minutes by the time I could radio back.

Jessie: Okay, well, that tracks. Keep going with your story.

Bob Smiley: Billy didn't like Lane Loaper, so he didn't reply back, which made me really nervous. So I crept down the hallway to double check that Brian and dad were still in their rooms. And they were. Then I checked in with Billy again through the walkie talkies.

Billy: 3 minutes remaining, freeway flyer.

Jessie: It's another good one.

Bob Smiley: Thanks. But Billy would disagree. He immediately came back with

Billy: If you don't call me Road Runner, I'm eating the slice before you get in here.

Bob Smiley: This really worried me. But

Jessie: But what?

Bob Smiley: But I'd already thought of my next joke name. Jessie, I had to say it. I went

Billy: Copy that, curb cruiser.

Jessie: Okay, AB. There's a a fine line between joking and actually annoying someone.

Bob Smiley: I know, but sometimes I just get too committed to a bit and I and I just can't stop.

Jessie: Well, I have to admit, curb cruiser, that's pretty funny.

Bob Smiley: Thanks. But I knew I was taking a chance because Billy was closer to the cake than me. And and Jessie Well, have you ever seen a snake eat an egg?

Jessie: Oh, yeah, I have. They They swallow it whole. You can actually watch it move down the snake's body.

Bob Smiley: Yeah. Well, that's exactly how Billy eats cake. So this threat that he was making was real. If I kept up with the running name jokes, Billy would eat the entire slice at noon before I could even get in the kitchen.

Jessie: Well, so you kind of drop the jokes and got serious, I'm guessing. So what did you say next?

Bob Smiley: The next thing I said was

Billy: 2 more minutes, trail trucker.

Jessie: Okay. All right. I really can't wait to hear how this story ends now.

Bob Smiley: Just wait. So the only thing I heard back on the other end of the walkie talkie was complete radio silence. And then I heard the back door to our living room open. Jessie, I started to panic. I hadn't seen my dad leave his room yet or my brother, but both of them, they're pretty tricky when it comes to desserts.

Jessie: That's true. You know, especially when it's a turkey's favorite dessert.

Bob Smiley: Yeah, that's right. Wait a minute. What's a turkey's favorite dessert?

Jessie: Peach gobbler. Gobbler.

Bob Smiley: Wow. I guess I waddled right into that one.

Jessie: Yeah, you did. You know, cuz it's not peach cobbler.

Bob Smiley: Yeah, I think we all got it. Anyway, I sprinted down the hallway to the living room and peered into the kitchen. And and normally I love to see her, but today Jessie, she was a threat.

Jessie: Who who who was it?

Bob Smiley: Wow, nice Alan impersonation there, Jessie. But to answer your question, it was Miss Fox. Miss Fox was now in our kitchen. And Jessie, she was standing right by the cake.

Jessie: Oh, I love it. A new character enters the game.

Bob Smiley: Yeah, I was confused for a second and then I was completely frightened because my dad snuck up behind me and he said You made it. Help yourself to my last slice of cake.

Jessie: I get it. So your dad knew what he was doing all along.

Bob Smiley: He evidently did. And then he added, Miss Fox, you always share your homemade cookies with us, so we wanted to return the favor. Please enjoy.

Jessie: Bob, I have to admit it. I I really love this ending.

Bob Smiley: Yeah, I figured you would. And I have to admit, I loved it too. Dad was saving his slice not to annoy me, but to share it with our neighbor. It was such a good lesson. He was showing Jesus's love to others. So even though it was the end of the Cake Crusaders,

Jessie: Cake Crusaders, that's another good one.

Bob Smiley: Thanks. But even though things didn't turn out like we thought, it was a great reminder that we should always be looking for ways to show love to other people. Always be kind, always be sharing, and always just be showing Jesus to people.

Jessie: Wow, well said, Bob. So did Mrs. Fox enjoy the cake?

Bob Smiley: Yeah, eventually. For a little bit she and dad were trying to figure out why Billy was in the pantry crying.

Jessie: Okay, I totally forgot about Billy.

Bob Smiley: It was kind of hard to forget at the moment, you know, with all that wailing going on.

Jessie: Well, yeah. Your story is a good reminder to share and be kind to others. But before we end, let's hear from a listener, but it needs to be quick.

Bob Smiley: Oh, I saw a good one the other day from Stanley. He sent in a joke riddle. Stanley wrote, So there is a family of beggars. Daddy Bigger, Mom Bigger, and Baby Bigger. So Jessie, who is the biggest?

Jessie: So let's see. Their name is Bigger, and logically speaking, the biggest Bigger would most likely be dad. But since it's a joke, I'm thinking it's the baby. But I'm not sure why.

Bob Smiley: You're actually right, Jessie. It's the baby because he's a a little bigger.

Jessie: That's a good joke. Thanks, Stanley. But before we end, Bob, you know, I want to answer a question that we got from Ellie. You know, she wrote in saying, Average Boy, I love your podcast and like to listen to it when I do school and play. I love reading your stories in Clubhouse every month. My favorite movie has a bunch of bad words, but I love it. Should I still watch it? Also, most of Jessie's jokes are good. Wow, there's a a lot in there. So first let me say Ellie, I'm really glad you like our podcast and think that most of my jokes are good.

Bob Smiley: I'm going to jump in and say most being the important word in that sentence.

Jessie: Yeah, not really.

Bob Smiley: I agree to disagree. But I want to talk about Ellie's question about the movie thing because I know exactly what she's talking about. I really like this comic, but some of the illustrations in there are not the best. And I knew God wouldn't want me to look at them.

Jessie: Yeah, it's it's sad to say, but you know, it's hard to find movies, music, books, or magazines that don't have some kind of objectional content. You know, our ministry here at Focus on the Family called pluggedin.com talks about this all the time and parents can go there to to look at their reviews of movies and TV shows and different things. But I want to give you their advice, and they always tell people don't compromise. It's not worth lowering your morals to be entertained.

Bob Smiley: Oh, I totally agree. And And that's what I decided to do. I talked to my youth leader about it, and he said Well, he said a little yeast works its way through all the dough. At first I thought he was talking about the sandwich I was eating at the time. The bread was a little old, but then he explained that this was a Bible verse that meant if you compromise in one area, it can lead to other compromises. And God only wants us to see and hear good things. So we need to guard ourselves because the enemy the enemy just wants to expose us to bad stuff all the time.

So it's a great question, Ellie. And a tough thing to do, but I think you should only watch stuff that's uplifting and and and really God honoring.

Jessie: Wow, AB. You know, you make a really good point. And I agree. It's best to guard your heart and mind by not letting in any bad words or bad images.

Bob Smiley: Wow, that's well said too. And I think it's a perfect way to end today's official Average Boy podcast presentation of Focus on the Family. If you haven't heard our other episodes, you can always go back and listen to them at averageboypodcast.com.

Jessie: And parents, while you're on that website, click on the parents page to subscribe to Focus on the Family Clubhouse magazine. This award-winning magazine features an award-winning and humorous Adventures of Average Boy story every month.

Bob Smiley: And just below the Clubhouse magazine sign up link, great magazine by the way, parents can also click on the link to buy my devotional books, Devotions for Super Average Kids books 1 and 2, or you can get my two newest books, Average Boys Above Average Year and Average Boys Above Average Summer. All four books are filled with lots of fun and adventures, encouragement, and ways to grow closer to God.

Jessie: Also, we love hearing from our listeners. So if you want to leave a voicemail or comment, just click the link in the show notes and you can ask a question or just leave a comment. But be sure to get your parents' permission because we might use your question or comment on a future episode. We always appreciate the feedback we get. And don't forget if you are listening on Spotify, leave a comment, a good rating. And now you can vote in our show poll. We'll have a different one up there with each new episode.

Bob Smiley: Well, thanks for listening everyone. I'm Bob.

Jessie: And I'm Jessie telling you don't be average.

Bob Smiley: Be super average.

Jessie: Bob, do you think you could ask your mom to make that cake again? Man, I'd really love to get a slice.

Guest (Female): Yummy.

Announcer: He's average boy. He's average boy.