The Official Average Boy Podcast

Announcer: Look out, he's back with shoes untied and his ears slicked back, taking life on one day at a time. Average boy and just bringing the rhyme.

Jesse: Welcome to episode 134 of the official Average Boy podcast. I'm Jesse from Focus on the Family Clubhouse Magazine.

Bob Smiley: And I'm Bob Smiley, aka Average Boy, aka the the super sheepishly sure fire salty sport scorer and searcher of sunshine.

Jesse: Okay, well, superbly silly yet sublimely special introduction there, AB.

Bob Smiley: Why, thank you, Jesse. Oh, fall is here. I love fall so much and and fall in Texas is the absolute best. The temperatures already started dropping like you know, it's it's dropping like uh it's dropping like bowling pins in the hands of a juggler who can't juggle.

Jesse: Wow, I was worried there for a second that you wouldn't think of something, but you pulled that off, sort of.

Bob Smiley: Thanks. In fact, I pulled it off like a sweater at a Texas July picnic.

Jesse: Nice. Another good one.

Bob Smiley: Thanks again. But seriously, the summer was so brutal and and not just in Texas. Jesse, it was so hot in New York, they asked the Statue of Liberty to lower her arm.

Jesse: Okay, all right. That might be going a little bit too far, AB, because you know, girls don't sweat, they glow, and and they definitely don't stink. But you know, I'm still putting it here in the Jesse joke folder next to let's see. It was so hot this summer that the chickens were laying hard-boiled eggs.

Bob Smiley: Oh, that's a good one. And I don't know if we've talked about this before, but Texas summers are really hot, but not now. Now the temperature is just below 90. It's so amazing. I feel like I should start wrapping Christmas gifts.

Jesse: Well, actually that doesn't sound very cold. You know what? Let's just move on. Did you say in your introduction that you were a salty sport scorer and searcher of sunshine?

Bob Smiley: I sure did. Another thing I love about the fall is that I always try to find new sports to try out. And this fall this fall is no exception.

Jesse: That's great. So what sport have you decided to try?

Bob Smiley: I have no idea. I was really hoping our listeners might give me some suggestions.

Jesse: Okay, well, what sports have you done in the past?

Bob Smiley: Ooh, good award-winning question, Jesse. Okay. Oh, I've done soccer.

Jesse: Oh, you know, I remember that and I remember how you scored your first goal.

Bob Smiley: Yeah, that was amazing. And it was the first year I ever played, so I quickly found out I was a natural at soccer.

Jesse: Well, do you want to tell that story real quick?

Bob Smiley: Okay, sure. So I was running around the court and

Jesse: The pitch.

Bob Smiley: The pitch? I thought you wanted me to tell the soccer story, but okay, fine. Yeah, I guess I could tell everybody about that time I pitched a no-hitter in the baseball Little League game. That was fun.

Jesse: Okay, I remember that story as well. If I remember correctly though, the other team didn't show up.

Bob Smiley: Still counts. No one ever got on base while I was pitching, so that's a no-hitter.

Jesse: Well, that is true. But I was just generally informing you that a soccer field is called a pitch, not a court.

Bob Smiley: Oh, okay. Well, I was holding court on the pitch when all of a sudden I saw a kid get on my bike and ride away. So naturally being a superhero, I started running toward him to stop the thief in action.

Jesse: But he really wasn't stealing your bike, was he?

Bob Smiley: I was going to leave that part out, but yeah, you're right. It just looked like my bike. However, running over to him is what put me in the position to score my first goal bucket. You see, I was almost off the pitch court field thingy when I saw my parents sitting over there in the bleacher pews, and that's when I remembered Come on, AB. They drove me that day, so my bike was obviously still in the garage.

Jesse: Okay, well, as an editor, there are so many things that I want to fix in that last sentence you just said there, but keep going.

Bob Smiley: Well, I couldn't keep going back then because I was almost out of bounds by the giant net goal thing. So I stopped and while I was standing there, the soccer ball hit me right in the back of the head.

Jesse: Oh, oh, I mean I I hope you're okay. But didn't the ball go straight into the net after that?

Bob Smiley: It did. At first I was caught off guard, but I guess being a great athlete like I am, I somehow knew how to direct the ball off the back of my noggin and right into the goal. It kind of like, you know, natural instinct. It just shows that if you stay totally focused on the game, you will eventually succeed. Anyway, it was fun. But now I'm looking for a new sport to try out this fall.

Jesse: Hang on, AB. I think our listeners might enjoy hearing the rest of that soccer story.

Bob Smiley: Okay. I mean there's not really much to tell. Oh, I guess I can mention I won the game with that goal. That was pretty awesome.

Jesse: And go on.

Bob Smiley: Well, when the ball rolled into the net goal Oh, I remember this. The crowd went crazy.

Jesse: The the entire crowd, AB?

Bob Smiley: Well, okay, more like half the crowd. The fans from my team, they were not too happy.

Jesse: Your team's fans. So why weren't they celebrating?

Bob Smiley: Well, okay. Again, I don't think this is important to the story, but turns out I I didn't exactly score for my team, but the fans of the other team were super excited. In fact, they picked me up on their shoulders and they carried me around the field the the pitch. They carried me around in the pitch on their shoulders. That was a huge blessing.

Jesse: Oh, it sounds like they were friendly, but why was it a blessing?

Bob Smiley: Oh, it was a huge blessing because several of my teammates were starting to chase after me. Being up on the adult shoulders kept me out of reach of all them. Well, it kept me out of reach for pretty much everybody except for Donnie. He was still able to hit me with his shoe.

Jesse: Okay, well, I hope it wasn't a horse's favorite type of shoe.

Bob Smiley: Oh, it wasn't a horseshoe. Wow, that would have really hurt.

Jesse: No no no no no. A horse's favorite type of shoe are high clops.

Bob Smiley: Okay, I think your Jesse jokes are getting way better. Oh, wait, Jesse. What's a frog's favorite shoe?

Jesse: Frog's favorite I don't know.

Bob Smiley: Open-toed shoes.

Jesse: All right. Well, that's going in the folder too.

Bob Smiley: Anyway, after everyone calmed down and a few parents on our side left, I'm assuming to go to anger management class. My coach sat down and had a talk with me and my teammates and he explained that I couldn't help being who I was. That was super embarrassing.

Jesse: I can see how that might be embarrassing, but I think your coach was just trying to help you out.

Bob Smiley: Right, but it was uncomfortable sitting there while my coach bragged on and on about me being such a great athlete.

Jesse: Is that what your coach was doing?

Bob Smiley: Yeah, basically. I mean he was saying that I was such an amazing athlete that I can't help scoring no matter whose goal I was near.

Jesse: By having the ball bounce off the back of your head.

Bob Smiley: Yep, natural athlete.

Jesse: Well, I guess did that talk help it off?

Bob Smiley: Yeah, I think so. My teammates calmed down. Donnie even put his shoe back on. Then everyone just decided to be friends with me again. Oh oh I just now remembered this. They even gave me a cool nickname.

Jesse: Oh, you know what? My friends who I play basketball with at the gym every week, they gave me a cool nickname. They call me Janis. What's your nickname?

Bob Smiley: Benedict Arnold.

Jesse: Well, do you know who Benedict Arnold was?

Bob Smiley: Not really, but I 'm guessing he's a really famous soccer player.

Jesse: Oh, that's messy. Benedict Arnold was actually

Bob Smiley: Oh, you know what? Hang on. Sorry to interrupt, Jesse, but I actually tried two sports that year because that was the year that I also did Kung Fu.

Jesse: But don't you want to know who Benedict Arnold was?

Bob Smiley: Well, I know in winning a great way to fix eggs, but thinking about that soccer year also reminded me about taking Kung Fu. Wow, what a year I had. Oh, I got a black belt.

Jesse: Hang on, AB. Kung Fu I don't think uses the belt system. I think you're thinking of karate.

Bob Smiley: Oh, I know, but that year mom also bought me a black belt to go with my new Sunday go to church suit. Sorry, I just remembered that. Again, what a year.

Jesse: Yeah, it it sounds like quite a year.

Bob Smiley: I also had a great year in second grade cuz that 's the year that I did karate. I got really good at that sport as well.

Jesse: Well, how long did you do karate?

Bob Smiley: Three days.

Jesse: And you got good in just three days?

Bob Smiley: Well, I got better. It really wasn't my fault. In karate you have to be barefoot, and I can't help it if my feet are ticklish. It's just not very macho to go hi-yah.

Jesse: Well, I can see your point.

Bob Smiley: In Kung Fu though, you get to wear these cool slippers. Dad said that they were made out of soft gold, but I think he was just looking at the price tag. Anyway, I really like Kung Fu. You got to break things without getting in trouble. That was a nice change.

Jesse: Yeah, and it is an art form. You know, I'm really amazed at how they can break all those boards and bricks.

Bob Smiley: Oh, another thing I liked was you also had to answer the teacher with yes, sir. Otherwise, if you didn't do that, you had to do 10 pushups.

Jesse: Wait, you liked that?

Bob Smiley: Yes, sir. You see, I already answer adults with yes, sir or sometimes I'll say no, sir, you know, if they're asking me if I want another scoop of steamed asparagus. So I never had to do any pushups. Although Donnie Donnie had to do about 110 hundred of them. Oh, maybe that's how Donnie got so big.

Jesse: Maybe so. But didn't you once say that Donnie's dad is really big too?

Bob Smiley: Oh, yeah, he is. Hey, maybe he was in a different class. But being respectful to teachers and coaches and you know, other adults and really everyone is one of the best ways to show kindness.

Jesse: That's true. In fact, in first Peter chapter two verse 17, it reminds us by saying show proper respect to everyone. Love the family of believers, have respect for God, and honor the emperor.

Bob Smiley: That's so good. And I also like Romans chapter 12 verse 10, and that says be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. So being kind and respectful is a great way to show Jesus to people.

Jesse: That's correct. And so how long did you do Kung Fu?

Bob Smiley: Oh, I stuck with it for about a month. I even made it to the board breaking week. That was fun.

Jesse: Oh, so you actually got to break some boards. Well, how did you do?

Bob Smiley: Well, you know, Jesse, I don't like to brag, but I broke my board in 38 punches.

Jesse: Did you say 38 punches? That sounds like a lot. That sounds like a lot of punches.

Bob Smiley: Yeah, that's exactly what my instructor said too. Actually he said come on. Kelsey broke her board in only one hit. When he said that, I felt really bad for Kelsey.

Jesse: Hang on. Why would you feel bad for Kelsey?

Bob Smiley: Well, some people just have to rush through things instead of stopping and taking it all in, you know, enjoying the moment. She was all like Oh, hey, producer guy, can you can you give me the sound of a board breaking? Hey, yeah, sorry, can you give me the sound of a board breaking right after I go hi-yah? Okay, all right, here we go. So Kelsey was like Oh, that was perfect. Yeah, so she was just like that sound you just heard. And then it was just over. I however, I took my time and I had way more fun doing it.

Jesse: Oh, well, we're always telling our listeners to look for the positive in any situation. And you know, I can't think of a better example than the one you just gave.

Bob Smiley: Wow, thanks, Jesse. So now I'm wanting our listeners to give me some suggestions on some new sports I could try this fall.

Jesse: Oh, I like that idea. So let's see. You've done basketball, soccer, karate, and Kung Fu. But before we ask for other suggestions, we got a question from a fan named DJ Dogger who asked what sports do you play? And that question ties in really well. So like I mentioned earlier, I play basketball, but I also play pickleball, disc golf, and volleyball. So what have you tried already besides the sports that you mentioned?

Bob Smiley: Besides those and the ones that you mentioned Oh, I did archery once. That was super fun. My uncle just gave me his longbow just out of the blue for no reason.

Jesse: For no reason?

Bob Smiley: Yeah, not for my birthday, wasn't a Christmas gift. I remember it cuz it was strange. It was right after my uncle and dad got in this huge disagreement and they were pretty mad at each other for about a week. But then out of nowhere my uncle just gave me a bow and some arrows. And then I remember this. Dad then gave my cousin, my uncle's son, a big drum set. So I guess my dad and uncle were I guess they were working it all out.

Jesse: Yeah, I I don't think they were, but anyway, you got a longbow, huh?

Bob Smiley: Yeah, it was great. I first started practicing in the backyard. I had a bale of hay that I was trying to hit. It was really hard at first. I missed a lot. Oh, two words to

Jesse: I did. I I actually missed with my first few shots, but then I started getting way better.

Bob Smiley: Well, you're really not in the right state to be good at archery, you know.

Jesse: No, I Wait Wait a minute, what state has the best archers?

Bob Smiley: Arizona.

Jesse: You know what? I feel like you hit the bullseye on that one.

Bob Smiley: Oh, thanks, you know. But back to your story, you were trying to get better at archery, but I was wondering did you ever try blindfolded archery?

Jesse: No, that sounds really dangerous. If I wasn't hitting the hay bale normally, why would I try blindfolded archery?

Bob Smiley: Oh, you know, blindfolded archery is great. You don't know what you're missing.

Jesse: Wow, Jesse. You should have kept that joke in your quiver. Anyway, after several misses kind of like that last joke Dad had a great idea. He said why don't you practice down by the creek? It's way more peaceful down there, and I don't think you'd get as distracted. And Jesse, he was right. So my dad drove me and the hay bale and my bow and arrows down to the creek.

Bob Smiley: Well, when exactly did your dad come up with this idea?

Jesse: He came up with the idea while we were pulling arrows out of the lawnmower shed.

Bob Smiley: Yeah, that's about the answer I was expecting.

Jesse: Anyway, I did archery for about a week until the tragic accident.

Bob Smiley: Oh, no. Well, I hope you're not about to tell us that someone got hurt or that you got hurt.

Jesse: Oh, don't worry, Jesse. No one got hurt. I'm usually very cautious with stuff like that. The tragic accident was my bow got broken in a freak accident that involved a tornado that came through our house.

Bob Smiley: Wait, hang on. An indoor tornado?

Jesse: Yeah, that's what my parents said. They said it blew through my window and it broke my bow and my brother's megaphone that played siren sounds really loud. It was just one of those weird accidents, I guess.

Bob Smiley: I I guess. I I bet your parents were very sad.

Jesse: Yeah, I guess they were sad, but they hit it well. Very well, come to think about it. Hey, you don't think they actually took me

Bob Smiley: Well, so you'd like our listeners to send in those suggestions for different sports to try, huh?

Jesse: Yeah, but keep in mind, listeners, I live in Texas. So there's certain things I can't do. Like ice skating is out. Yeah, our fridge our fridge barely makes enough ice for our drinks at dinner time. Also it can't be something really expensive.

Bob Smiley: What about fencing?

Jesse: Oh, okay, yeah. We have a really good fence around our yard, so it could be something with animals.

Bob Smiley: No no no. That's not what I was Well, anyway, you heard him, listeners. You can send AB some sports activities to try by clicking on the show notes and leaving a comment.

Jesse: Well, look who woke up from his nap.

Bob Smiley: Yeah, and it looks like we're almost out of time. Do we want to share another listener comment before we sign off?

Jesse: Oh, always. But first, besides asking for suggestions, I wanted to challenge our listeners to do the same thing that I'm doing. You know, we've said this before, but God gives us a gift every day by giving us a day. And we need to use it to the absolute fullest. So I wanted to challenge everyone to go outdoors and try something new, whether it's a sport or a hike or or whatever. Just do something new.

Bob Smiley: That's a great suggestion. You know, maybe they could go to a park or

Jesse: Okay okay. Let's finish with this comment from Corbin. Corbin starts with AB and Jesse. Oregon. Oregon back at you, Corbin.

Bob Smiley: Well, Corbin must be a big fan and a nice callback, Corbin. Oregon to you as well.

Jesse: Here's the rest of his comment. How do you manage to write a book? Corbin says I'm 10 and haven't even finished even a chapter of my book.

Bob Smiley: That's a great question. Do you have any thoughts, AB?

Jesse: Oh, I have tons of thoughts. And I think we covered this in episode 132, but I make writing a book a huge priority. So I set a timer and I sit at my desk that has limited distractions and I just write about what recently happened to me and my friends. And I think if you look at how you spend your time, you can always find like 30 minutes a day that you could just write if you actually sit down and make it a priority. You you want to stay focused on your goals and you want to try to like get in the mindset and and pay close Jesse, is that another new coffee cup?

Bob Smiley: It it is a new coffee cup. And I also think that this is the end of today's official Average Boy podcast, a presentation of Focus on the Family. If you haven't heard our other episodes, you can go back and listen to them all at averageboypodcast.com. And parents, if you're on that website, click on the parents page and you can subscribe to Focus on the Family Clubhouse Magazine. This award-winning magazine features an award-winning and humorous adventures of Average Boy story every month.

Jesse: And just below the Clubhouse Magazine signup link, parents can also click on the link to buy my devotional books Devotions for Super Average Kids books one and two or my two newest books Average Boys Above Average Year and Average Boys Above Average Summer. I'm so proud of those books. They're filled with lots of laughter and encouragement and more importantly, ways to grow closer to God.

Bob Smiley: Well, speaking of encouragement, we get encouraged by reading your comments. So if you want to leave a voicemail or comment, just click on the link in the show notes and write a question or comment. But be sure to get your parents' permission because we might use what you send us on a future episode. And don't forget if you're listening on Spotify, leave a comment, rating, and you can now vote in our show poll. We'll try to have some new ones up there with each episode.

Jesse: Well, thanks for listening, everyone. I'm Bob.

Bob Smiley: And I'm Jesse telling you don't be average.

Jesse: Be super average. Oh, and don't forget work hard, try new things, and maybe maybe one day you'll be the next Benedict Arnold.

Bob Smiley: AB, you should really look him up.

Announcer: He's average boy. He's average boy.