The Official Average Boy Podcast

Focus on the Family (Female): When I'm taking a break from screens, I make sure I have other activities on hand. My favorite activity is reading an issue of Brio Magazine from Focus on the Family. It's perfect for teen girls and full of fun quizzes, tips on fashion and beauty, and articles from a biblical worldview.

Check out what Brio has to offer, including past issues, when you visit focusonthefamily.com/growingfaith. That's focusonthefamily.com/growingfaith.

Bob Smiley: Hey, that's right. 123. 1, 2, 3. The numbers are all in order. This is obviously a special episode because that's not going to happen again until episode 1234.

Jesse: Yeah, all the numbers will be in order again with episode 234.

Bob Smiley: You interrupted, Jesse. Please continue your introduction and let's just forget about those last 10 seconds, okay?

Jesse: Forget about what?

Bob Smiley: Perfect. Well done.

Jesse: But let's really try to stay on topic today. What would you like to talk about, AB? Do you have a story for us?

Bob Smiley: You see, Jesse, this is why we're such an award-winning team. I bring the random funny and you keep us on track. To give you a quick answer, I've gone by all the Robert combinations. I've been Robert, Rob, Robbie, Bob, Bobby. There was even a time at summer camp that I tried going by Bobbert since there was already a Bob and Bobby.

Jesse: I don't think I've ever heard anybody called Bobbert.

Bob Smiley: I think it's because it sounds like a noise you make right after you drink a soda too fast. Bobbert.

Jesse: Well, okay. I noticed in your introduction you said you're heart-healthy. What makes you heart-healthy? Did you decide to start eating healthy again after consuming all that Easter candy?

Bob Smiley: No. My mom actually decided for me. She does that a lot.

Jesse: That's what parents are for, really, to guide their children through adolescence.

Bob Smiley: I was wondering what they were for. Just kidding, Mom and Dad, if you're listening, you're the best and you help me so much. But yes, you guessed it, Jesse, we're on a super huge health kick again here at the Smiley household. Honestly, I'd rather someone just kick me than actually be on a health kick. Our dinner now looks like someone emptied out the lawnmower bag on the dinner table.

Jesse: Eating healthy is very important, especially for someone like you who's still growing. Don't you want to be big and tall?

Bob Smiley: Not if it means I have to eat a piece of Styrofoam with some kind of dirty glue smeared all over it.

Jesse: Do you mean a rice cake with almond butter?

Bob Smiley: First of all, there was nothing cakey about what I was being forced to eat. I'd rather be super short than eat all that stuff any day.

Jesse: Bob, it's not that bad.

Bob Smiley: Being short would be good. Maybe I could be so short I could limbo under a rug. Or if I was that short, I could probably hire a kangaroo to carry me around in their pouch. That would be super cool. I wonder if kangaroos work for Uber.

Jesse: I think kangaroos only work for Lyft. But I'm positive I know what their favorite music is.

Bob Smiley: What kind of music do kangaroos like?

Jesse: Hip-hop.

Bob Smiley: Wow, having to listen to that joke sort of leaves me hopping mad. But it also makes me realize there are worse things than eating healthy. For instance, listening to a Jesse joke is one.

Jesse: That joke about my jokes kind of left me like a kangaroo at Christmas, jumping with joy.

Bob Smiley: Okay, well played.

Jesse: But getting us back on topic, there are actually lots of good-tasting healthy eating options out there nowadays.

Bob Smiley: Well, I wish you'd tell my mom what they are. Those rice cakes are a big old fat lie. I mean, why does it even have the word cake in it? You couldn't stick a birthday candle in one even if you had a hammer. They're basically puffed-up air with a hint of terrible.

And she doesn't give me almond butter, Jesse. She puts something called hummus on it. It's probably called that because the first person to eat it went, "Hum, must I eat this?" And then they had to shorten it down to hummus so they could trick other people into eating it too.

Jesse: Hummus is actually really good for you. It's made from garbanzo beans and it provides protein, fiber, and healthy fats.

Bob Smiley: Well, maybe the people from the country of Garbanzo like it, but not this American. Still, I guess it's better than the lunchroom food at my school, so there's a positive way to look at it.

Jesse: I feel like we're all over the place today, but I am curious because I thought you liked the food at your school.

Bob Smiley: I did, but then I don't know what happened. Maybe we got a new cook. Jesse, the food is so bad that Donnie has stopped stealing people's lunches.

Jesse: I guess that's a plus.

Bob Smiley: All of us students are non-plussed. Have you ever heard the saying, "Where there's smoke, there's fire"?

Jesse: Yeah, I'm familiar with that statement.

Bob Smiley: Well, at our school, we say, "Where there's smoke, there's lunch." Every main dish could be considered Cajun because everything is blackened.

Jesse: Do they at least serve a math teacher's favorite dessert?

Bob Smiley: I don't know. What is a math teacher's favorite dessert?

Jesse: Pi. Because Pi, P-I, is the relationship of a circle's edge with its width and it starts with 3.14159 and it kind of goes on forever without repeating. It's also a yummy dessert, but obviously with a different spelling.

Bob Smiley: Okay, Jesse, I feel like that Pi joke went on forever and ever and is definitely worth not repeating. I actually figured you would have a bunch of food jokes today, so let us get them over with before we get to the meat of my story.

Jesse: Very funny. And I find it interesting you came in here talking about food because I was recently talking about food with members of the band I just joined. We call ourselves The Strawberries.

Bob Smiley: Hang on. I had no idea that you were in a band called The Strawberries. That is awesome. What kind of music do you play?

Jesse: Mostly just a jam session.

Bob Smiley: Really? A good one? I'd say it's not grape.

Jesse: Come on, AB. I think my jokes about fruits and vegetables are unbeatable.

Bob Smiley: I'll give you that one. That was sort of a good joke about vegetables, even if it was a bit corny. Oh, hang on, Jesse. What kind of candy do you find on the playground?

Jesse: Seesaw salt water taffy?

Bob Smiley: Actually, that's a pretty good guess, but no, that's not the answer. The candy you find on the school playground is called recess pieces. You know, instead of Reese's Pieces? Are you going to write that down in your joke book, Jesse?

Jesse: Let's just get back to what you were talking about.

Bob Smiley: Oh yeah, another thing I don't like about the school cafeteria food is that they reuse the leftover food in some pretty crazy ways.

Jesse: Can you give us an example?

Bob Smiley: Sure. Yesterday's salad becomes today's coleslaw, and if we don't eat the coleslaw, then it's cabbage soup the next day. I also noticed we always have spinach the day after they mow the school football field. Coincidence? I think not.

Jesse: AB, okay, I know you're kidding, but you know that cooking takes so much preparation. It's a huge task to cook for an entire school every day, so you might want to cut the new cook some slack.

Bob Smiley: Yeah, I know you're right. In fact, we're doing a study about Noah's Ark at church right now.

Jesse: Okay, and what does that have to do with what we're talking about?

Bob Smiley: Well, Noah had to feed all those animals just like our cafeteria ladies have to feed us.

Jesse: Wait, did you just call yourself an animal?

Bob Smiley: Yeah, I guess I did. But when my youth leader started his lesson on Noah's Ark, I started asking him what they ate on there and how they fed all those animals because I had never thought about it before. Some animals eat other animals, so I'm guessing they didn't keep the foxes by the chickens. That would be some really nervous chickens.

Jesse: Maybe that's why the chickens crossed the road.

Bob Smiley: Moving on. Then that got me thinking about chickens. Noah probably got eggs from the chickens to feed his family.

Jesse: Speaking of, do you know what classic novel is a chicken's favorite?

Bob Smiley: I know you're about to crack another Jesse joke, but let's hear it. What is a chicken's favorite classic novel?

Jesse: Great Egg-spectations, instead of Great Expectations.

Bob Smiley: That's not a bad one. Honestly, I was kind of expecting you to lay an egg, but that's a pretty funny joke.

Jesse: Thanks. But I've also thought about how Noah's Ark worked as well. Noah and his family probably did get eggs while they were on the Ark.

Bob Smiley: Hey, I wonder if the chickens ever said, "Lego my Eggo" when Noah came around.

Jesse: Well, that one is going into the folder.

Bob Smiley: Oh, cool. When you're done writing that down in your folder, why don't you see how far you can throw it? I bet you can't make it to the trash can.

Jesse: Okay, I'm going to put up my folder for now. But I am curious, what did your youth leader say when you asked him all those questions about how they fed everybody on the Ark?

Bob Smiley: He actually quoted something that you say on here all the time. He said I was getting us off topic.

Jesse: I do say that almost every episode and several times today, actually.

Bob Smiley: Yeah, my youth leader said that he had a planned lesson and I just needed to listen instead of fishing for ways to take over the classroom. And Jesse, that made so much sense to me.

Jesse: Really? So you got what he was saying and you let him finish the lesson without interruption?

Bob Smiley: No. It totally reminded me that Noah probably fished as well. I mean, floating around on that Ark for a year sounds kind of boring. You can only play skip-the-rock so many times before you run out of rocks. So they probably fished for food and to help pass the time. I bet the grasshoppers were really nervous anytime Noah walked by with his fishing pole.

Jesse: Wait, hang on. I thought we were talking about healthy eating, and how did we end up talking about Noah and fishing?

Bob Smiley: Because I was saying how Noah had to feed all the animals just like the cafeteria ladies have to feed all of us. But now we're actually answering another question about the Ark.

Jesse: I didn't know we even had questions about the Ark.

Bob Smiley: Well, I was thinking about how bored they must have been just floating around all the time. But talking about the animals, I just remembered how much fun I had when my parents took me to a petting zoo. Noah and his family, they had a built-in petting zoo every single day, so maybe they weren't bored at all.

Jesse: Well, I do know that they couldn't play cards.

Bob Smiley: Because Noah was standing on the deck. I remember that one from first grade.

Jesse: It's a classic.

Bob Smiley: But back to the subject of food, I knew my mom was right. It's important to eat foods from each food group just to stay healthy.

Jesse: Oh, so you know about the five basic food groups?

Bob Smiley: Oh yeah. There's meat.

Jesse: Proteins.

Bob Smiley: Proteins, which is meat if you have taste buds. I'm being serious, Jesse. In Texas, meat is a food group. So we have meat, fruits, vegetables, neutrons, grain.

Jesse: Wait, hang on. Neutrons is definitely not one of them. I think you're thinking of an atom that has protons, electrons, and neutrons.

Bob Smiley: Well, now I am thinking about them because you just put it in my brain suitcase.

Jesse: Come on, I'm sure you know the rest of the food groups.

Bob Smiley: Okay, I know I know this. Proteins, fruits, vegetables, grains, and...

Jesse: And...

Bob Smiley: And a partridge in a pear tree.

Jesse: Close, but the answer is dairy.

Bob Smiley: Oh, dairy, yeah. Milk. That's another great point. They could get milk on the Ark as well. Good job bringing us back to that topic, Jesse.

Jesse: No, I wasn't trying to, but yes, they could get eggs and milk. Not only could they get milk, that allowed them to make cheese with it as well.

Bob Smiley: Kind of like your jokes.

Jesse: Wait, hang on. My jokes aren't cheesy.

Bob Smiley: Well, to quote another item from the food group: Tomato, tomahto, Jesse.

Jesse: Okay, so I think the main point of all this is that you and your family are trying to eat healthier now, right?

Bob Smiley: Right, we are. I'm trying to get in all five food groups every day. Like today at Billy's house, I had some chocolate pudding because that has milk in it. I had a Snickers bar at Gus's Hardware Store because it has peanuts, which is protein. And before we started recording, I had a Fruit Roll-Up, so I got my fruit. So that just leaves some vegetables and grains, and I already have all that planned out.

Jesse: I feel like we should take a moment here and make sure that all of our young listeners know that there are way healthier ways to get milk, proteins, and fruits than what Bob ate today. But Bob, I do like your effort. So what vegetable are you planning on eating today?

Bob Smiley: I'm going to eat my favorite vegetable. It's called a Vitamin. It is so much better tasting than broccoli, especially if you wash it down with a soda.

Jesse: Is it too late to take back the part where I said I was proud of your effort?

Bob Smiley: Yep. But I really am slowly cutting back on the sugar and all the processed stuff. Like we said, eating healthy is super important while we're here on this planet. But once we get to heaven, all we're going to need is bread.

Jesse: All we need is... Oh yeah, I get it. You're referencing John chapter 6 verse 35 where Jesus said, "I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me shall not hunger, whoever believes in me shall never thirst."

Bob Smiley: Yep, that's the one. Jesus is the ultimate source of spiritual sustenance. I heard my pastor say that word, but I can't remember what it actually is.

Jesse: I think I know what you're trying to say. I think you're trying to say that Jesus is our ultimate source of spiritual sustenance and eternal life. Basically, faith in Jesus satisfies our deepest spiritual needs, and he's the only way to heaven.

Bob Smiley: That's exactly what I was trying to say, only with different words that didn't mean the same thing.

But here's the point. While we're here on Earth, we need to eat healthy so we're in the best shape to do the things that God wants us to do. But once we get to heaven, I won't have to eat another carrot or beet ever, ever again. I just get to be with Jesus. So anyway, that's why I'm heart-healthy. I have Jesus in my heart and I'm also eating a little healthier as well.

Jesse: AB, every time that I think you're off on some random sidetrack story, you just seem to be able to bring it back with such a good, encouraging message.

Bob Smiley: It's probably why they gave me that award.

Jesse: Gave *us* that award.

Bob Smiley: Right. So knowing Jesus personally guarantees us a healthy afterlife, and while you're getting all your other food groups here on Earth, you just need to be sure to get your daily dose of Bread of Life.

Jesse: Excellent wrap-up. But before we go, let's answer a listener comment.

Bob Smiley: Oh, can we only look at the ones that give us really good ratings? That helps more people learn about our podcast when people give us good ratings, you know.

Jesse: I know, but we look at all of our listener comments, not just the ones that give us good ratings.

Bob Smiley: Okay, but can we at least take a pause to let the people feel guilty for not giving us a good rating? Okay, that's probably long enough anyway.

I like this comment that we got from Caleb. Caleb said, "Hey Average Boy, I'm 11, almost 12 years old. I'm a big fan of you and Jesse. My question is, what Bible verse should I read if I have a big fight with my best friend? Also, here's a joke: Why did the snake cross the road? To get to the other side." That is such a great joke, Caleb.

Oh, and then Caleb added, "One more thing, Jesse, can you cut back on the Jesse jokes?" Oh, another perfect letter from a highly intelligent fan.

Jesse: Hardy har har. But that is a good question about the scripture. So do you have an idea about a good scripture to read when you're in a fight with your best friend?

Bob Smiley: I do. When I'm having a fight with someone, I read Ephesians chapter 4 verse 32 that says, "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you."

Jesse: I really like that one because forgiveness, kindness, and compassion go a long way to build friendships. Caleb, maybe this verse could help you from 2nd Timothy chapter 2 verses 24 and 25 that says, "Anyone who serves the Lord must not be hard to get along with. Instead, they must be kind to everyone, must be able to teach. The one who serves must not hold anything against anyone. They must gently teach those who are against them."

I love that verse because the fact is, as humans, we're all going to sin. We can act selfishly, get into fights and arguments. But as Christ followers, we're called to be kind and gentle, even with our enemies or people we're fighting with.

Bob Smiley: Exactly. So Caleb, when you get in a fight with someone, and especially with a best friend, just try to show forgiveness quickly, and maybe your actions will be an example to your friend and help end the fight more quickly. Then you can start being friends again.

Jesse: Perfectly said, AB. Words and actions matter so much in a friendship. So make sure you're sharing your feelings and also listening to how your friends feel.

And I feel that's kind of the perfect way to end today's Official Average Boy Podcast, a presentation of Focus on the Family. If you haven't heard our other episodes, you can always go back and listen to them all at averageboypodcast.com.

Bob Smiley: And parents, while you're on that website, averageboypodcast.com, click on the parents' page to subscribe to Focus on the Family's Brio Magazine. This award-winning magazine features an award-winning and super funny "Adventures of Average Boy" story every single month.

Jesse: Written by you, Bob Smiley. And just below the Brio Magazine sign-up link, parents can also click on the link to buy our devotional books, *Devotions for Super Average Kids*, books one and two.

Bob Smiley: Or they can get my two new books, *Average Boy's Above Average Year* and *Average Boy's Above Average Summer*. All four books are filled with lots of laughs, encouragement, and ways to grow closer to God.

Jesse: Also, we're encouraged when we hear from our listeners. So if you want to leave a voicemail or a comment, just click on the link in the show notes and ask us a question or leave a comment. But be sure to get your parents' permission because we might use your question or comment on a future episode.

Bob Smiley: Well, thanks for listening, everyone. I'm Bob.

Jesse: And I'm Jesse.

Bob Smiley: Telling you: Don't be average. Be super average.

Focus on the Family (Female): Taking a break from screens and social media is so refreshing. I have extra time to hang out with friends, stay active, and work on my hobbies. But when I get that urge to grab my phone, I end up comparing myself to friends and influencers for hours.

So instead of giving in to my phone, I've been picking up Brio Magazine from Focus on the Family. Brio is full of tips on fashion and beauty, quizzes, awesome stories about other teen girls, and advice on things like relationships, body image, and building your faith. Plus, it's all from a biblical worldview, so I never have to worry that my head is being filled with junk. Just wholesome, fun content.

Check out everything that Brio Magazine offers, including past issues. Just go to focusonthefamily.com/growingfaith. That's focusonthefamily.com/growingfaith.