The Official Average Boy Podcast

Jesse: Welcome to episode 126 of the official Average Boy podcast. I'm Jesse from Focus on the Family Clubhouse Magazine.

AB: And I'm Bob Smiley, aka Average Boy, aka the once only opened mouth overachiever, organic Olympian of outside obligations and oodles of optimism. Wow, that was not a good start. I hope they don't take away my award. I wanted to do "o" words this time so I could work in the word Olympics, but I didn't realize how few "o" words I knew.

Jesse: I thought you were outstandingly open and met your obligation of an overtly observant orderly overview.

AB: What just happened? Wow. Hey Producer Guy, can I get some applause for Jesse? Well done, sir.

Jesse: Thank you. But AB, you could just come on here and say your name and then tell everyone that you want to talk about the Olympics. You don't have to force it into some awesome alliterative introduction.

AB: And disappoint all my fans? I'm never going to do that, Jesse.

Jesse: So you'd rather struggle and grasp for words?

AB: Hey Jesse, can we talk about the Olympics today?

Jesse: Sure. What would you like to talk about?

AB: The Olympics. I thought I just said that.

Jesse: I mean, is there a particular sport or something specific you'd like to discuss?

AB: Oh, yeah. I think I know where they should hold the Olympics the next time they have them.

Jesse: AB, they have an entire committee of people put together to choose the right place each time. I think the next one is in Los Angeles in 2028. It has to be in a city that's big enough to have a big airport and places to hold the events, plenty of bathrooms and infrastructure. There are so many factors that go into choosing the correct location.

AB: Right, that's what I'm saying. And Richie's house has all of that.

Jesse: For our new listeners, Richie is a friend of Bob's and his parents are very wealthy. Or I could use the phrase they have lots of dough, because dough is a very good slang for lots of money.

AB: I've heard that before but I don't get it. Why is dough a very good slang for money?

Jesse: Because everyone kneads it. Needs it? Because you knead dough to make bread.

AB: Hey Producer Guy, can we delete that applause that we did earlier for Jesse? Too late. Plus, I don't want to disappoint my fans. But I'm guessing you went to Richie's house recently.

AB: Yeah. How did you know? Can you see the hand stamp from where I went to the amusement park section of their house? It's behind the water park just up from the helicopter pad.

Jesse: Come on, AB. I mean, they are very wealthy, but I really doubt that they have an amusement park and all those other things as part of their house.

AB: Okay, they don't really, but it's only because they probably haven't thought of it yet. Jesse, they have everything. Richie's bedroom is located between the game room and a Chick-fil-A. It's my pleasure.

Jesse: AB, if you're going to tell a story, at least try to be accurate.

AB: What are you talking about? Okay, the truth is they have a game room and they have a mini kitchen next to it with an air fryer that always has chicken nuggets.

Jesse: And speaking of people with money, did you know I have a rich friend in Ireland?

AB: No way, I didn't know that. You have a rich friend from Ireland?

Jesse: Yeah. His money is always Dublin. Dublin, because he's Irish. Dublin.

AB: Okay, so I picked up speed on my scooter but so did Richie. This hallway, it stretched on forever and I was just racing down.

Jesse: Wait, hang on. You're just going to jump right into your story like that?

AB: Well, I didn't want there to be any awkward pause of silence after that joke. And Jesse, that hallway really was super long. It went all the way into a wing of their house that I'd never been in before.

Jesse: So I'm actually catching up with you now here. It sounds like Richie was chasing you and you were both on scooters.

AB: Yeah, we were, but regular scooters, not rooster scooters.

Jesse: Again, there's no such thing as a rooster scooter.

AB: The race actually started downstairs. Richie was chasing me. We were playing tag and he was it. So I ran up a staircase, not really knowing where it was going, and it emptied out into this long hallway. And luckily, there were four scooters just lying at the opening of the stairs, probably left by some chickens.

Jesse: I'm ignoring that. But how long was this hallway? Was it 50 feet? 100 feet?

AB: No, way more, Jesse. I think the hallway traveled into two different time zones.

Jesse: Okay, I can see you're going to be exaggerating this entire episode.

AB: Okay, well here's something that's no exaggeration. I could tell Richie was gaining on me even though I hadn't looked behind me in a while.

Jesse: Well, how could you tell he was gaining on you?

AB: Come on, Jesse. You know I have amazing instincts. Well, also because he yelled, "I'm gaining on you, AB." So I leveled up my kick speed on the scooter. I kept flying by all these doors but I didn't really want to duck into any of them for the obvious reasons.

Jesse: What's the obvious reasons? And don't exaggerate this time.

AB: Well, I didn't want to fling open one of the doors because I didn't know what was behind them. What if I burst into a room and interrupted a bowling tournament or a wedding or even just people jumping on a trampoline?

Jesse: AB, do you know what the word "exaggerating" actually means?

AB: Of course I do. It means to make things worse, right? And boy, were things getting worse. I could now hear Richie giggling somewhere really close behind me.

Jesse: I think what you were thinking of was the word "exacerbating," and that means to make things worse. "Exaggerating" means to represent something as greater, better, worse, or more important than it actually is.

AB: Oh, cool. I didn't know that. All right. Well, I'll let you know if I ever hear an example of it. Anyway, while I was thinking about what all might be behind those doors that I was passing, that's when I had a great idea.

Jesse: And what was this great idea?

AB: Well, that was the great idea. I realized Richie's family could host the Olympics there. The Woodworths' house is really huge.

Jesse: I was wondering when we'd get back to that.

AB: Seriously, Jesse. The hallways are perfect for cycling and all the running events. They also have a giant pool and basketball court outside. So they could freeze the pool for the hockey games, and because we live in Texas, it could thaw back out in probably about 20 minutes. So then we could do the swimming events.

Jesse: It does get pretty hot there in the summer.

AB: It's hot almost all the time. In fact, did you know that chickens in Texas, they lay hard-boiled eggs? And all our cows, all our cows produce evaporated milk.

Jesse: Yeah, and every dog in Texas is a hot dog, right?

AB: Wow. I'm really not relishing that hot dog joke, but it does help me make my point that Texas is super hot. In fact, one time I saw a bird wearing oven mitts on its beak just so it could pull a worm out of the ground.

Jesse: That's a really funny visual and I'm actually going to put that one in the folder. But can you get back to the real story?

AB: Oh, yeah. Sure. So like I said, I started thinking about the Olympic people coming there and then I thought that maybe they'd leave behind some of the gear after the games were finished. And then we could play with them. Man, you know I've always wanted to throw a javelin.

Jesse: I doubt anyone thinks that you and a javelin is a good combo. But I actually just finished reading this book about the Olympics. It was called The Olympic Trials.

AB: Really?

Jesse: Yeah. It was written by Willy Qualify.

AB: Oh, come on. I really wish our Producer Guy would win a gold medal for hiding the Jesse joke folder.

Jesse: But because you have to qualify in the Olympic trials, so Willy qualify? That was a good one.

AB: Wow, well that answers one question. It doesn't get better the second time around.

Jesse: Okay, all right. So please continue with your story.

AB: So I was thinking about all the cool stuff that the Olympics might leave behind and that's when it hit me.

Jesse: What? Was it a revelation? What hit you?

AB: No, it was a giant door. This door flew open into the hallway and knocked me right off the scooter. And when it hit me, I let out a manly, "Aah!" and I totally crashed to the floor.

Jesse: I hope you weren't hurt.

AB: I wasn't, but I started to panic.

Jesse: Because Richie was about to catch up to you?

AB: Honestly, I wasn't even thinking about that at the time. I was more worried about who had just flung that door open. Jesse, those doors are so huge and heavy. So to be able to throw it open that fast, it had to be like a giant weightlifter or something, which then got me to thinking, who would be that strong? And of course that made me think of—well, any guesses?

Jesse: Me? You thought I was there?

AB: Okay, that's the funniest thing said on this episode so far. But no, no. I thought it might be Donnie.

Jesse: Are Donnie and Richie friends?

AB: No, but only because—well, because Donnie. You know. Anyway, to check though, I shouted, "Donnie?" And then I heard, "Ronnie? Who's Ronnie?"

Jesse: Well, who was it?

AB: It was Richie's grandmother.

Jesse: Wow, an older lady was the one who you thought was like a giant weightlifter who threw open that giant door?

AB: Evidently. Maybe she knew that I was thinking about asking the Olympic people to bring the Olympics there, so she was already starting to train for the weightlifting competition.

Jesse: But didn't you just think of that idea a couple seconds before the door hit you?

AB: Anyway, I jumped up and said, "Mrs. Woodworth, I'm so sorry that I ran into your door. I hope I didn't hurt you."

Jesse: I'm glad that was your reaction, and it's actually really thoughtful of you. And she wasn't hurt, right?

AB: Well, I'll tell you one thing that wasn't hurt: her ability to be sarcastic. And Mrs. Woodworth said, "Oh, that was you, AB? I thought maybe my cat or a lost mosquito flew into the door."

Jesse: You know, I once saw a mosquito wearing a cowboy hat.

AB: Yeah, I think we all have. But let's move on so we don't run out of time.

Jesse: Actually, I think we have plenty of time and this is a really good joke.

AB: Anyway, while I was checking on Mrs. Woodworth, that's when Richie ran up and tagged me. In fact, he almost knocked me down again. And what happened next was the whole reason why I wanted to tell the story today.

Jesse: Well, I'm all ears. I mean, I'm listening.

AB: Mrs. Woodworth then said, "You boys are always running around doing stuff, knocking into walls and each other. You never take a break." And then, Jesse, she said the most important part that really got me to thinking. She said, "Do you ever pause and just be?"

Jesse: That's actually a great question. One of the things I like about you, AB, is that you don't spend all your time inside playing video games or looking at screens. You actually get outside to enjoy nature and you hang out with friends and have lots of adventures.

In fact, everyone who listens to this show is thankful that you do because it provides lots of laughter for the rest of us. However, sometimes it is important to just stop and rest.

AB: Yeah, exactly. That's what she got me to thinking about. But actually you're right. I do. I do just stop and be sometimes. So I told her that. I said, "Oh, yeah. We just be a lot."

Jesse: Two words.

AB: And I didn't actually do the two-word thing with Mrs. Woodworth because I thought that might startle her, because I'm pretty sure she's never listened to my podcast. So she wouldn't know about the two-word game.

In fact, Jesse, I doubt she even knows what a podcast is. She still has a landline and uses a paper map.

Jesse: Well, what's wrong with that? First off, I want to say it's our podcast, and secondly, that was probably a good decision on your part not to shout "two words" at her because you already startled her once.

AB: Yeah, I'm smart like that. Anyway, I told her that we just be a lot, meaning we sit still and stuff. I told her we be in church, we be in school, and then I said, "In fact, my last report card showed how much I could be." It was a really good joke.

Jesse: And did Mrs. Woodworth laugh?

AB: It was a really good joke. But then she clarified what she was actually trying to say. She said, "No. Do you ever just sit and listen to silence?" So I told her I listen to silence every time Jesse tells a joke on this podcast.

Jesse: Come on, AB. That's not always true.

AB: Yeah, I'm kidding, Jesse. But I really did say that, thinking she might laugh. But then I remembered she didn't know who you were.

Jesse: Because she doesn't listen to our podcast.

AB: Right. She doesn't listen to my podcast that you're on. I think she churns her own butter, so listening to a podcast is not even on her radar, which I'm actually sure she probably uses to monitor the weather instead of checking a weather app like a normal person.

Jesse: Actually, before you say Mrs. Woodworth is so old that she grew up with Noah, I want to point out that I really like her point because God made us so we need time to just sit quietly and let our brains rest. We're always bombarded with this constant noise and things to do and sometimes we just need some silence.

I've always liked what it says in Psalm chapter 46, verse 10, where it says, "Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." This verse reminds us to slow down and just focus on the greatness of God.

He made everything, and one day every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus is Lord. And sometimes we may miss something God is trying to say to us or to show us because we're constantly moving from thing to thing to thing. There are just too many distractions today. That's why prayer is so important, too. It's just a great time to stop and talk to God without any distractions.

AB: Well said. And you're exactly right, just like Jesus did. Hang on. I don't have this memorized, but there's a verse that I really like. Okay, so Mark chapter 1, verse 35 says—and this is talking about Jesus—"And rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, he departed and went out to a desolate place and there he prayed."

So you see, even Jesus would just be from time to time. And that's what Mrs. Woodworth was saying. She then went on. She said, "This world is always moving. Everyone's in such a rush. Sometimes you just need to pause and let your brain rest."

So it was like you just said, Jesse, only she said it way slower. Man, way slower. I mean, she made a meal out of saying all that stuff. It was good, but she said it so slow. I bet it took her like three minutes to finish her thought.

Jesse: So wait. You thought her advice to slow down and not be in such a hurry was said too slowly to you?

AB: Yeah, of course. I mean, I've got things to do. But now that you're pointing it out, I get the irony.

Jesse: Well, it sounds like those were wise words from a wise woman.

AB: It was. I was actually really inspired. So I started thinking about how busy that I get with school and church and sports or even sometimes watching shows or playing video games.

Although I haven't told you this recently, Jesse, but I limited my River Shiver playing down to only about an hour and a half a day.

Jesse: Great, but I don't think that's the brag that you think it is.

AB: Yeah, I know. Mrs. Woodworth was totally right. I'm really bad about not letting my mind just be. So I decided that the next thing that I would do was nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Well, first I had to tag Richie again, but then we would both do nothing right after I tagged him.

Jesse: It sounds like you just wanted to stop the game while you were winning.

AB: Come on, Jesse. You know me better—okay, but that was only part of it.

Jesse: I thought so. Well, were you two boys able to do it? Were you able to just be for a bit without jumping onto the next thing?

AB: We made it about 44 seconds.

Jesse: AB.

AB: I know. We really tried, but we're not giving up and I'm sure we're going to do better next time. It's—I don't know. We sat down and we just—

Jesse: You just what?

AB: Well, Richie and I sat on his back porch planning to not talk or anything. We just sit in those solid gold chairs looking out over the Olympic-sized swimming pool, which by the way has dolphins in them.

Jesse: Wait. Richie's pool does not have dolphins in it.

AB: Actually, that part is true. It did. But they were inflatable rafts shaped like dolphins. Anyway, we sat there for 44 seconds and that's when I noticed Richie's dad had put a new zipline over the pool.

Jesse: So you couldn't even just be for a full minute, huh?

AB: Well, when I saw the zipline I did say, "Well I'll be." So we kind of did. But then we played on the zipline the rest of the day.

But I've actually started building in time throughout my normal schedule to just sit and pray and relax for just a few minutes. Here's what I've done the last few days. When I get home from school, I take five minutes of thought time before doing chores, homework, or whatever crazy plan Billy and I have for that day. I've been doing that the last couple of days and it's been going pretty good so far.

Jesse: I think that's a great challenge for our listeners as well. We all need time to slow down, and using five minutes a day to pause and praise and think about God is an awesome idea. Wow, this episode has gone really fast.

AB: It really did, didn't it? I feel like we were on a rooster scooter.

Jesse: AB, yeah, let's not go there. Instead, I think we have time to hear from one listener before we sign off.

AB: Oh, okay. And I know the perfect one to take us out. All right. Listen to this.

Guest (Female): Hey, Average Boy. I really like your podcast and I have a joke. What is a frog's favorite drink? Croak-a-Cola.

Jesse: Okay, that's going in the Jesse joke folder.

AB: Yeah, I thought you would like that one.

Jesse: Well, we're actually a little over on time now, so—

AB: Oh, Jesse. I know we're a little over time, but can I ask you one last question?

Jesse: It needs to be quick.

AB: Okay, so here's my question. The official Average Boy podcast, what is it a presentation of?

Jesse: I like it. The official Average Boy podcast is a presentation of Focus on the Family. If you haven't heard our other episodes, you can go back and listen to them all at averageboypodcast.com.

And parents, while you're on that website, click on the parents page to subscribe to Focus on the Family Clubhouse Magazine. This award-winning magazine features the award-winning and humorous Adventures of Average Boy story every month.

AB: And just below the Clubhouse Magazine signup link, parents can also click on the link to buy my devotion books: Devotions for Super Average Kids, books one and two, or you can get my two newest books: Average Boy's Above Average Year and Average Boy's Above Average Summer. All four books are filled with lots of laughs and encouragement and cool ways to grow closer to God.

Jesse: Also, we love hearing from our listeners. So if you want to leave a voicemail or comment, just click on the link in the show notes and ask a question or just leave a comment. But be sure to get your parent's permission because we might use your question or comment on a future episode.

AB: Well, thanks for listening, everyone. I'm Bob.

Jesse: And I'm Jesse.

AB: Telling you, don't be average.

Jesse: Be super average.

AB: Croak-a-Cola. Wait a minute. Now I'm thirsty. Man, it's so hot in Texas.