The Official Average Boy Podcast

Jesse: Welcome to episode 130 of the Official Average Boy Podcast. I'm Jesse from Focus on the Family Clubhouse Magazine.

Bob: And I'm Bob Smiley, aka Average Boy, aka the encouraging, eccentric, electrifying, enlightener of intellect.

Jesse: AB, I always enjoy the exceptional, expressive energy that you bring at the beginning of our shows, but the editor in me feels like I should point out that intellect starts with a letter I, and all your other introductory words started with the letter E.

Bob: Really? I mean, yes. The boring old standard American way to spell intellect is with an I, but I'm using the Old English version from the UK. And I'm pretty sure they spell it with an E unless you can look that up right now.

Jesse: I can.

Bob: Well, you know how people in England and our attic spell theater T-H-E-A-T-R-E instead of the right way ending in E-R?

Jesse: Both spellings are correct, but hang on. People in England and in our attic?

Bob: Yeah, our attic. I think people up there, they call it Canada. You know, America's attic.

Jesse: Yeah, but how do you know we're not Canada's basement?

Bob: Come on, Jesse. America.

Jesse: Okay, well, I feel like we need to pause here, and one of us needs to apologize to our Canadian listeners. You know, we love our friends to the north who help make North America great.

Bob: Oh, I totally agree with that. My breakfast bacon wouldn't be as good without you guys up there. So, thank you. And yeah, I didn't really mean to offend anyone.

Jesse: Well done, Bob. And now I want to point out that you're right about one thing.

Bob: Wait a minute, just one? Come on, Jesse. It's got to be more than one.

Jesse: Not so far. But it is true that some people do spell theater with an R-E instead of an E-R. However, intellect is spelled with an I, no matter where you come from.

Bob: Then my introduction was perfect because I have something encouraging that I want to try today on my podcast.

Jesse: Our podcast.

Bob: You know how every August, readers of Clubhouse Magazine send in their own Adventures of Average Boy stories?

Jesse: I do. It's actually one of my favorite issues each year. We call it our Members' Mag because the whole issue is written and illustrated by our subscribers.

This year, Clubhouse readers actually sent in nearly 3,000 submissions, and all those creative stories and art just make for a really fun magazine.

Bob: Well, I dug into your Members' Mag folder, and it was amazing. Except at first, I was really scared.

Jesse: Why were you frightened?

Bob: Well, at first, I grabbed your Jesse Joke folder by mistake.

Jesse: Not funny.

Bob: I agree about the folder not being funny, but what was funny was reading through the stories that the members sent in. Sometimes I forget about some of my adventures because I'm always looking for the next one. So, for this show, here's my great idea. I had a couple of Clubhouse readers help me write about my adventures.

Jesse: That is an encouraging idea.

Bob: So, what I want to do is enlighten our listeners and myself with these stories I only sort of remember doing, but I must have because they're about me.

Jesse: That's a great idea, and it does sound electrifying.

Bob: Thanks, but you shouldn't be shocked. I have an award, you know. Anyway, the first story is about when me and my dad went fishing.

Jesse: That's something you love to do.

Bob: Oh yeah, I love fishing in lakes and ponds, rivers, the pet store.

Jesse: Which you're not allowed back in anymore.

Bob: Anyway, for Father's Day, I went fishing in a river. My brother may have been there too, but I can't remember. The trip started surprisingly well, except for the fact that we forgot our fishing poles after Dad asked me to get them before we left.

Jesse: I'm just going to interrupt here for a second because this brings up a good lesson. Always go through a checklist before you leave for a trip.

And AB, didn't you also once forget your tent on a camping trip with your youth group? And I think all you were supposed to bring on that trip was the tent.

Bob: Yeah, but that was totally different. Plus, the stars were pretty nice that night.

Jesse: Okay, well, also, I wanted to mention, do you know why you can't run through a campsite?

Bob: What? You can run through a campsite. You remember when Billy and I went camping with our dads, and I took off running because I thought a giant bear was in the campsite?

Jesse: I do. That's when you found out that Billy's dad was quite a loud snorer. But I still say you can't run through a campsite.

Bob: Why?

Jesse: You can only ran because it's past tense. Ran is the past tense of run. Grammar and editing jokes, they're the best.

Bob: I'm going to run from that joke, if that's what you call it, and get back to my story. So, after arriving for the second time at the river, we walked to a good fishing spot. I was trying to get the perfect cast in the middle of the water, and I did it on my first try. You know, if you don't count the six other times I hit my dad with a pole.

Jesse: That's just one thing I appreciate about you, AB. If you don't first succeed, you try, try again. Sometimes six times.

Bob: I think we can just get through my story without any additional commentary.

Jesse: Okay, sorry.

Bob: Well, then, for some reason, my dad decided to go to the other side of the river to fish. And really, that's good advice if you're fishing. When you go fishing, don't all fish in one spot. You want to spread out and cover more of the water.

In fact, when Mr. Povedo and I go fishing together, he likes to spread way out. In fact, the last few times, I couldn't even see him, even though we were fishing in a small circular pond. But he said he was there. Although it was strange now that I'm thinking about it because when we left together, I noticed he'd gotten a haircut. You don't think that he dropped me off and he...

Jesse: Hey AB, what happened to this no additional commentary?

Bob: Oh, yeah. Wow, way to reel me back into this fishing story, Jesse. So my dad crossed the river after falling in several times. I kept casting to catch a fish, but I was not having any luck. But then finally, I hurled my lure with all my strength, and I immediately felt something tugging on my line.

Jesse: I'm sorry to stop you here again, AB, but as a writer, I need to point out that fishing fables make great stories because suspense builds with each cast of the rod. It's such a sophisticated way to tell a story.

Bob: I see what you did there. Please tell me this is the last Jesse Joke you have about fishing, or do I need to change stories?

Jesse: No, please finish your story. And actually, it reminded me that I need to take that sock out of my tackle box.

Bob: What? Wait a minute, you have a sock in your tackle box? Why?

Jesse: Haven't you heard of the phrase hook, line, and stinker?

Bob: Wow, that was a stinker. Anyway, I did catch something. I started trying to reel with all my might while jumping for joy. I was so excited. Then I heard Dad yell, "Whoa, whoa." He then stumbled into the water with a big splash.

Apparently, he had just caught a big fish too that pulled him in. So I took a break from reeling my rod to see Dad trying to stand back up in the river.

Jesse: So what did he catch? Was it a huge fish? And what was on your line?

Bob: I'm getting to that. When Dad finally stood up, he said, "Stop reeling your rod, you caught me." And then he waded toward me, and I have to be honest, I was kind of embarrassed.

But then, all of a sudden, a distraction happened. Another dad and his son walked up, and the other dad said, "Hey, we heard the commotion. Do you guys need any help?" So Dad said, "Not really," and he walked out of the river and he started talking to the other dad.

And from their conversation, it was pretty clear that the father and son weren't Christians like we are. So Dad asked them if they had ever heard about Jesus. And then after a long conversation, we ended up inviting them to church and they said they would come.

Jesse: Wow, that's a great ending and a good reminder to use every situation as an opportunity to tell others about Jesus.

Bob: Yeah, I agree, but that's not the end of the story. I remember this now. On the drive home, I was thinking about how Jesus told His disciples to be fishers of men, and we were fishers of men that day. I literally caught my dad and Dad caught that father and son. It felt really good to tell others about Jesus so they could experience God's love and forgiveness, too.

Jesse: Well, that is a great story, and I'm really glad Joel helped you write it. It reminds me of the Great Commission found in Matthew chapter 28 verses 19 and 20 where Jesus says, "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.

And surely I am with you always to the very end of the age."

Bob: I totally agree. I'm glad God is always with me forever, and I experienced that when I went with my family to the rodeo for the first time, which Sage wrote about in another Members' Mag story.

Jesse: A rodeo? Well, yee-haw! I've got to hear about this.

Bob: Let me guess, are you all ears?

Jesse: Not anymore because that is a pretty gross vision.

Bob: Oh good, because that was my point all along. And I'm glad I finally enlightened you with my intellect, which starts with an I, of course. But when I first got to the rodeo, I was really afraid that it might be pretty dull.

Jesse: Well, was it?

Bob: No, it wasn't at all. The bull riding was my favorite. They would throw up in a metal gate and a giant bull would come flying out. And if the bull rider got thrown off, Jesse, a funny clown with a red nose would pop out from behind a barrel and run toward the mad bull so the cowboy could get up from the dirt, wave to the crowd, and then race out of the arena. It was awesome.

Jesse: That's amazing. Usually, I'm not a fan of clowns, but that one sounds really helpful.

Bob: Oh, he was. And it made me wish that I had my own real-life clown that would pop out of a barrel anytime someone mean was around.

You know, that would totally distract Donnie if a bunch of huge clowns popped out of the cafeteria room and started waving red capes at him anytime he tried to steal someone's lunch. Oh, and a clown would have been super helpful when Mom and I were at the Megamart last weekend.

Jesse: Oh, for our listeners who haven't read your book, Average Boy's Above Average Summer, please tell them what the Megamart is.

Bob: Oh yeah, so the Megamart is our giant grocery store.

Jesse: And how many people can fit in the Megamart?

Bob: Probably 30, you know, if they suck in their bellies real tight.

Jesse: Okay, just wanted to get that clear. So please continue.

Bob: Well, this lady was yelling at the manager. I mean, just being super mean. So it would have been a great time to have a red-nose clown pop out and distract her. In fact, I didn't like how she was yelling at the manager, so I tried to jump in and help.

Jesse: Hold on, you haven't shared this story before. So what did you do?

Bob: Well, you see, it was right after church, so I had my Bible with me. So I just walked up and said, "Pardon for interrupting, but I'm having a little bit of trouble reading this. Can you read this Scripture to me?" And then I handed the angry woman my Bible, and Jesse, it was open to James chapter 1 verse 19.

Jesse: That's a perfect one because that's the verse that says everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.

Bob: Yeah, that's the one. She started reading it, but then she just slammed the Bible shut, handed it to the manager, and then she stormed out. The manager started smiling, and he just kept thanking me over and over.

Jesse: Well, it's not always wise to jump into the middle of a heated argument, but it sounds like it worked out for you this time.

Bob: Yeah, the manager said, "Wow, thanks, kid. No one's ever had the guts to confront my wife like that."

Jesse: His wife? Wait, wait, that was his...

Bob: No, it wasn't his wife. But you know, I sometimes do that, Jesse. I joke on here.

Jesse: Yeah, that's kind of what you do all the time here. So let's get back to your story.

Bob: Oh yeah, so I watched the rest of the bull riding with total fascination.

Jesse: I'm fascinated by bull riding too. In fact, I just went to a professional bull riding competition at the United States Air Force Academy last weekend. Watching those cowboys made me wonder, how do they stay on top of a bucking bull like that?

Bob: Oh well, I can actually answer that because you know I've got some experience with that. Jesse, you remember when I rode the pig in the Ag barn last spring?

Jesse: I do. And our listeners do too, especially if they've heard episode 124. However, if we retell that story, we're going to run out of time, and I really want to hear how God was with you at this rodeo.

Bob: Oh yeah, okay. You know what, though, for this next part, I'm going to need some help from the producer guy to do that thing that you do with my voice. Can you do that?

Producer (Male): Sure thing, Bob. Coming right up.

Bob: Okay, cool. So just wait for my cue. So after the bull riding, the announcer said in a really loud, deep voice... okay, producer guy, this is where you do that thing.

Producer (Male): Ladies and gentlemen, we will be starting the mutton busting in a few minutes. Children who wish to participate, please make your way over to the front of the food booth area. And by the way, it's free.

Bob: Okay, PG, you can put my voice back to normal.

Producer (Male): Okay, perfect.

Bob: Well, so I didn't know what mutton busting was, but it was by the food court and I was starving. So when Mom asked me if I wanted to go, I replied, "Sure, I can't wait to try it." Jesse, just the thought of going to the food booth made me lick my lips. And to think they were letting kids have all that for free.

Jesse: Free is my favorite price.

Bob: Yeah, my dad's too. Anyway, we got to the food booth area, and this man was wearing a cowboy hat, dirty jeans, and a button-down shirt. And he walked over toward Mom and me, and he said... I remember this exactly. He said, "They be telling me no one's volunteering here except you and a few other youngins."

Jesse: Bob, I've said this before on here, but you are a master of accents.

Bob: Thanks.

Jesse: Yeah, I haven't been around a lot of cowboys, but your accent sounded perfect. All I know about cowboys is what they always put on their salad.

Bob: Their salad? Wait, what does a cowboy put on a salad?

Jesse: Ranch dressing.

Bob: So anyway, back to the story, I replied to the cowboy, "Yes, sir. I'm ready to start eating." This kind of confused the cowboy, but he said, "Mighty fine," and pointed toward a sheep in the shoot behind the food booth area that opened to the arena.

And then the cowboy said to me, "Get up on there. And oh man, I forgot this, you're going to need this." Then the cowboy shoved a beat-up helmet at me. Why I needed a helmet to eat was a little confusing at the time, but I stayed positive and I followed his directions. I grabbed hold of the back of the sheep, and then the announcer boomed out...

Producer (Male): And now the mutton busting will begin.

Bob: Jesse, I didn't know what was going on, but suddenly the gate burst open and the sheep bounded into the arena with me on his back. I clung to the sheep's wool, which wasn't easy, by the way.

And it was then, on the back of the bounding sheep, that I realized what was actually happening. Mutton busting had nothing to do with eating. It was actually a sport of riding a sheep.

Jesse: Yeah, I already knew that, but I didn't want to wreck your story.

Bob: Well, this sheep was trying to wreck me. It whirled and tucked its head and dove for the dirt. Then it jumped up and down like a jack-in-the-box with ants in its pants.

Jesse: AB, I can't believe you stayed on the sheep this whole time. Bull-riding cowboys only have to stay on a bull for eight seconds.

Bob: I didn't have time to think about seconds. I still hadn't eaten my first. Are you even paying attention here, Jesse?

Jesse: I am, I thought. And it sounds like this sheep was determined to send you flying into the dirt arena floor. I just got that visual in my head.

Can you imagine Donnie riding a sheep? He's so tall, his knees would be up to his earlobes if he was mutton busting.

Bob: Okay, that is really funny. The sheep seemed large to me, but when put in comparison to Donnie, the sheep would be like a grasshopper.

Jesse: Oh yeah, that's a nice biblical reference from Numbers 13:33, I believe.

Bob: Yeah, that's right. But this isn't a math podcast. Anyway, I stayed on that sheep or mutton for a really, really long time.

Jesse: How long?

Bob: They told me later it was three seconds. But it felt a little longer than that. Basically, I flew head over heels and I landed with a loud whump. So I was covered in dirt and dust, but I tried to stand and wave, and I was really hoping there were tiny clowns there to distract the mutton.

Jesse: Were there?

Bob: No, but my mutton busting experience really helped teach me another important lesson. Always remember to listen carefully and ask questions when you don't know something or can't figure out what's going on. Still, though, I think the rodeo announcers should have said what mutton busting really was.

Jesse: Well, that is a great lesson you had there. And it's also great that God protected you from getting hurt.

Bob: Oh yeah, God does that a lot. But it's true, God does that a lot for me. He also gives us the Bible, which tells us to seek wisdom and ask questions before doing stuff. God's Word is always a reliable place to turn for guidance.

Jesse: Wow, AB, those were great stories. But before we go, I was also hoping maybe we could get to a listener's question here on our podcast.

Bob: Okay. Well, to quote a cowboy, "Whatting you got there?"

Jesse: I'm not sure what you just said. But we got a note, and it came from Josiah, and he said, "My name is Josiah. I live in Pennsylvania. I want to ask a few questions. First of all, I can be discontent and wish I was somebody else. What should I do?

Also, you talk a lot about being kind and lifting people up, and then you talk so meanly about Jesse jokes. I think both you guys are funny. Also, I love your podcast a lot. And my dad recently got an Adventures in Odyssey subscription, and it came with a Clubhouse subscription, and I really enjoyed your stories."

Bob: That's awesome. Well, thanks for writing in, Josiah. And we've gotten that question before about how I feel about your jokes. So maybe yeah, let's talk about that. Jesse, do you think I'm mean to you?

Jesse: Well...

Bob: Oh, come on! Just kidding, just kidding. But before I answer that question, I have to point out that Josiah said we were both funny. And I know you're funnier than I am because I've been your editor for a while now and we've done 130 episodes of this podcast together.

But I also like telling jokes. And yeah, some of them are groaners, but some of them are pretty good. So when AB says he doesn't like my jokes or pokes fun at me, I know he's just joking. It's like more good-natured teasing versus being mean. And I sort of give him a hard time too about getting off topic.

Bob: Yeah, he does. So here's the point. Jesse gives me a hard time sometimes, but we both know we're just joking around.

But Josiah, you bring up a good point. Good friends can tease each other in a good-natured way, but you have to be careful not to step over the line. So I think the difference is whether or not someone is laughing with you or could possibly get hurt by your comments.

Jesse: Well said, AB. It's natural to tease your friends in a fun way, but you don't ever want to hurt someone's feelings when you're trying to be funny.

Bob: Yeah, Jesse knows I'm always joking. And if I'm being honest, his Jesse jokes are on the show.

Jesse: Thanks, AB, I think.

Bob: As for your other question, Josiah, you said you were discontent and wished you were somebody else. Well, who do you want to be? God made you Josiah. He didn't want anyone else to be Josiah but you, and that's pretty cool if you think about it.

You know, sometimes I wish I had all of my friend Richie's money or Clint's cool leather jacket or Donnie's height. But then I just have to remind myself that God wanted me to just be me, Average Boy. So I try to be the best Average Boy I can. So that's my advice, Josiah. Be the best Josiah you can be. I hope that helps.

Jesse: I think that's really well said. It's also good to realize that God made you to be unique from anyone else in this world, and He doesn't make mistakes. So the talents you have are yours.

And sometimes that might not seem so great, but other times it's probably super great. And like Bob said, for me too, there are times where I wish I could dunk a basketball or had a smaller nose, but I know God made me the way He wanted me to be.

Bob: And when I feel that way, I just take a moment and I'll pray and I'll just thank God for making me. It's the way I want to be. I want to be how God wants me to be.

Jesse: Well said. Well, we hope you enjoyed today's Official Average Boy Podcast, a presentation of Focus on the Family. If you haven't heard our other episodes, you can go back and listen to them all at averageboypodcast.com.

And parents, while you're on that website, click on the parents' page to subscribe to Focus on the Family Clubhouse Magazine. This award-winning magazine features an award-winning and humorous Adventures of Average Boy story every month, except when August when you members take over.

Bob: Yeah, I love that issue. And when everyone goes to averageboypodcast.com, you can get my devotional books, Devotions for Super Average Kids books one and two, or my two newest books, Average Boy's Above Average Year and Average Boy's Above Average Summer.

All four books are filled with lots of laughs, encouragement, and ways to grow closer to God.

Jesse: You can also leave us a voicemail or comment on there by just clicking on the link in the show notes. But be sure to get your parents' permission because we might use your question or comment on a future episode. Well, thanks for listening, everyone. I'm Jesse.

Bob: And I'm Bob.

Jesse: Telling you, don't be average.

Bob: Be super average!