The Official Average Boy Podcast

Bob Smiley: Welcome to Episode 118 of the Official Average Boy Podcast. I'm Bob Smiley, aka Average Boy, aka the clever, calm, curious, creative, confident, charismatically crucial citizen of culture.

Jesse: And I'm Jesse from Focus on the Family Clubhouse Magazine, and I'm not sure I'd really use the word "calm" in a description of you, AB.

Bob Smiley: Oh, come on, it was perfect. "Calm" starts with the letter C.

Jesse: That's true, but it's not what I meant. I understand the curious, creative, and confident part, but I would never call you calm.

Bob Smiley: Oh, well you haven't seen me after drinking chamomile tea with warm milk. Do you think chamomile tea is actually made from a camel?

Jesse: Probably not. It's a completely different spelling. Let's not get distracted this early in the episode.

Bob Smiley: Okay, perfect. Because do you remember a few episodes back when someone asked if we had ever eaten a worm?

Jesse: I do. It was Episode 112, and I believe I shared my story about that.

Bob Smiley: Wait a minute, you did? I mean, yeah, I totally remember that, sharing that story. But just in case this is someone's first episode they've ever listened to, that would mean they just started listening at Episode 118 instead of first.

Hang on, if this is the first episode that you're listening to, why? Who starts at Episode 118 of something? You've got to go back and catch up because there are so many things that we talked about.

Jesse: AB, I think you're getting off track a little.

Bob Smiley: Oh, yeah. What I was going to say is, can you just give us a short version of your worm story for anyone that hasn't heard it yet and doesn't totally remember it like I do?

Jesse: Sure, although I'm kind of shocked someone would actually want to hear this. But I did share it on the Adventures in Odyssey podcast a few years ago, too. The truth is I've actually eaten two worms on purpose in my life. One was when I was a teenager at a Christian summer camp in Estes Park, Colorado. There was a talent show, and since I really don't have any talent, I wrote down that I'd eat a worm as a joke. And they picked me! So I had to do it, and I ended up winning the talent contest.

Then, about 30 years later, I ate a worm at a getaway for fathers and sons at a Focus on the Family event. I told my worm-eating story as a teen to encourage people to break out of their comfort zones and try new things. So a bunch of dads and sons wanted to eat one, too, so we did that the next night. And I'm hoping I never have to eat one again because it's pretty gross.

Bob Smiley: Oh, wow. That's a great story that I totally remember hearing.

Jesse: Thanks. And if I'm remembering correctly, you said you had a story of your own but you would share it on a future episode.

Bob Smiley: Oh, I did? Well, then I was totally wrong because I'm not going to share it on a future episode. I'm going to share it today.

Jesse: AB, yeah, that's still a future episode from when you said it. Well, actually, just keep going because I want to hear this worm story.

Bob Smiley: Okay, well, I remember standing there just really hoping that all of this was a dream. In fact, I even asked Sarah that. I said, "Hey, what if this is a dream?"

Jesse: No, hold up. I have to stop you there for a second because I know you like to jump into your stories like that, but I think our listeners need a little more context. Things like, where were you? Who were you with? Maybe you could just give me a few keywords so I can start looking up some Jesse jokes to slip in here.

Bob Smiley: Oh, okay. This is a perfect example. You see, listener, if this is your first episode you've ever heard instead of starting with Episode 1, you have no idea what a Jesse joke even is. Actually, now that I'm saying that, I'm kind of jealous of whoever that person is. Can you imagine a world where there's no Jesse jokes?

Jesse: Okay, yeah, we get it. But can you maybe answer my first two questions, please?

Bob Smiley: Oh, we were out in the woods behind my house. Sarah, Everly, and Billy were with me, and I also invited a new kid. Her name is Mave, and her parents had just moved here to Texas from a foreign country, I think.

Jesse: Oh, do you remember what the foreign country is called?

Bob Smiley: Yeah, I think she pronounced it Portland. I guess they have a lot of ports, so they named it Portland.

Jesse: AB, did she ever use the word Oregon?

Bob Smiley: She did! No way, Jesse. I didn't know you were bilingual. I think that's how they say hi in her country's language because when she introduced herself, she said her name, where she was from, and then she said that strange word that I assume meant hi or howdy if you're from Texas. So anyway, I said it back to her to make her feel really welcome.

Jesse: Hang on. What exactly did Mave say?

Bob Smiley: She said, "Hi, my name is Mave and I'm from Portland, Oregon." So I said, "Oregon," back to her, all friendly-like.

Jesse: Okay, this is so great. This may be my favorite part of your story so far.

Bob Smiley: Really? I mean, I haven't even gotten to the worm part.

Jesse: Oh, I'm sure we'll get there. But what happened after you greeted her with "Oregon"?

Bob Smiley: After I said hi back to her in her native language, she just stared at me for an uncomfortably long time. I think she was really nervous about being in a new country. So that's why I decided to invite her to hang out with us once school was out.

I was thinking that it might be good for her to get to know Sarah and Everly and help her make friends quickly. I thought we could go tree climbing in the woods behind my house. I thought that'd be a fun activity, but looking back, I probably should have asked her more questions before inviting her to do something like that.

Jesse: Well, why is that?

Bob Smiley: As soon as we got to the woods, Everly grabbed a limb and started climbing up this big tree. Sarah then went over to the ladder to our treehouse. If this is the first episode you've ever heard, I bet you haven't read my book, *Average Boy's Above Average Summer*, so you don't even know about the treehouse or how we got it built. Wow, you are missing so much by starting here at Episode 118.

Jesse: AB, let's assume if someone did pick this episode to start listening to, now you've sort of guilted them into going back and starting with Episode 1. But we don't want them to feel guilty; we're glad they're a new listener, just like you're glad to welcome this new girl, Mave, to your school.

Bob Smiley: Okay, that makes sense. You're right. So welcome, new listener. You don't have to go back and start listening from the beginning. We're just glad you're here. But if you want to understand more about who we are and how much fun we have here, you really should go back to Episode 1 to get caught up. Hey, is that better, Jesse?

Jesse: No, I mean, well, let's just continue with your story and not worry about anything else.

Bob Smiley: Oh, okay. So Mave saw Everly and Sarah climbing way up in the air, and then she said one of my favorite things that I love hearing people say. She turned to me and kind of nervously said, "I don't think I can climb up that high."

Jesse: Oh wait, why is that your favorite thing to hear? It's not very positive.

Bob Smiley: Oh, because anytime someone says that they can't do something, I get to quote one of my favorite Bible verses.

Jesse: Let me guess: Philippians 4:13.

Bob Smiley: Yes, Philippians chapter 4, verse 13. I love that verse. So I told Mave that she could actually climb that high if she really wanted to, and I reminded her that she wasn't alone. We were here to help her as her new friends. And then I said, "Mave, you can do anything because of Philippians 4:13, which says, 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.'" Jesse, I said that and I was so proud, but then that's when things suddenly took a dark turn.

Jesse: Wait, a dark turn?

Bob Smiley: Well, yeah, things got dark and I turned it around, so that was a dark turn.

Jesse: And now I get to say one of my most repeated phrases on this podcast: I'm completely confused.

Bob Smiley: Jesse, you shouldn't be confused. You actually started listening to the podcast at Episode 1, so surely you know who's showing up when there's a giant shadow that casts across the land. Come on.

Jesse: Okay, okay, I do. But I don't think Donnie is that big. Still, I'm guessing it's Donnie who showed up in the woods.

Bob Smiley: Well, your guessing game is on point today. It was Donnie—Donnie the Giant.

Jesse: I know Donnie shows up in your stories from time to time, but I thought he was getting better about not bullying kids.

Bob Smiley: Oh, he's gotten way better about not bullying kids. I just think he forgets that I'm a kid sometimes and just bullies me out of habit. Anyway, you were right, Donnie walked up and he said through his gnarly yellow teeth, he said...

Jesse: Bob, be nice.

Bob Smiley: Okay, so Donnie walked up and said through his non-white teeth, "You can do all things, huh? I bet you can't eat a worm." So then I politely, very politely, mind you, I made a very teeny-tiny small joke, hoping that we could just drop it all and get back to the tree climbing.

Jesse: Hang on. What did you say? You weren't mean, were you? I know you've been trying to be nicer to Donnie in hopes that he'll do the same in return.

Bob Smiley: Yeah, I am watching what I say because I know God doesn't want us to say mean things to or about anyone. But, Jesse, have you ever heard the phrase "my motorboat mouth got ahead of my tugboat brain"?

Jesse: I have not heard that before, but I really like it. I think it means that we need to think before we speak, but sometimes the words can come out before we've really had time to think about it. Is that right?

Bob Smiley: That is totally right. But my motorboat brain wasn't waiting to hear from the tugboat at all. When Donnie said, "I bet you can't eat a worm," my mouth blurted out, "Why would I steal your lunch? Besides, Donnie, isn't stealing other people's lunches your job?"

Jesse: Oh, Bob.

Bob Smiley: Motorboat mouth, Jesse, motorboat mouth. I know deep down it was the wrong thing to do, but I thought I would just say that and then that would be the end of the worm conversation. But it wasn't. So then Donnie said... Hang on, Jesse, wait. Why are you looking through your Jesse joke folder?

Jesse: I'm listening, but I also remember that I have quite a few jokes about boats in here.

Bob Smiley: Do we really have to hear one?

Jesse: Of course we do. It's sort of like what the shell said to the beach when the beach asked if it wanted to hear a Jesse joke. For shore! We just received that joke from Leah, who also said that she loved our show.

Bob Smiley: Well, thanks, Leah. And that was a pretty good joke. Okay, Jesse, you can give us two more, but only two. I don't want to run out of time before I finish this worm story.

Jesse: Okay, two, huh? All right, let's go with this one. What do you call a discount at a boat store?

Bob Smiley: I have no idea.

Jesse: A two-for-one sail! SAIL, instead of SALE.

Bob Smiley: Okay, I wish I could sail away right now.

Jesse: Okay, and since I only have one more... okay, you can choose. Either "What wears a uniform and floats in the water?" or "Why do oars fall in love?"

Bob Smiley: Oh, okay, give me the oar one. Why do oars fall in love?

Jesse: Because they're very row-mantic!

Bob Smiley: Okay, that was actually a good one, and kind of appropriate for Valentine's Day. I'm going to tell my dad so he can say that one to my mom. But let's get back to my story.

So I turned back to Mave to see if she was ready to try tree climbing, but Donnie would not drop the worm thing. He said, "Well, if you can do all things, then that means you can eat a worm, right?" And then he just grinned that yellow-toothed grin of his...

Jesse: AB, AB, your words.

Bob Smiley: Oh. So then he grinned his non-white grin again, and I knew he wasn't going to let this go. So I said, "Well, yeah, Donnie, that scripture does remind us that Jesus does give us the strength to overcome any circumstances. So yeah, if I wanted to eat a worm, I could." I said that because, honestly, I didn't think Donnie actually had a worm with him.

Jesse: You know, I was wondering that myself. Why would he keep asking about eating a worm if he didn't have one with him?

Bob Smiley: Oh, he had one. He then reached into his giant jacket pocket and, Jesse, he didn't just pull out any worm; he pulled out the Donnie of all worms. This thing was huge!

Jesse: You know, I've always been afraid that worms would take over the world.

Bob Smiley: Yeah. Wait, what? Worms taking over the world?

Jesse: Yeah, haven't you heard about global worming?

Bob Smiley: Okay, I wish you could laugh and boo at the same time because that joke deserves both.

Jesse: You know, I did have a pet worm in college. He helped me with my studies.

Bob Smiley: Okay, now I actually wish I was eating a worm right now instead of about to hear the punchline. But let's just get it over with. How did the worm help you with your study?

Jesse: He was a bookworm.

Bob Smiley: Okay, I'm going to try to worm my way back to the story and just forget about the last couple of seconds of this episode.

Jesse: Oh, I don't know if you can. That was pretty unforgettable. But I'm putting the folder away for now. So Donnie pulled a worm out of his jacket pocket.

Bob Smiley: He pulled a giant worm out of his giant pocket and then he said, "Prove it." Jesse, he was challenging me right there and in front of all my normal friends and my new friend.

Jesse: Well, AB, we've discussed this many times about not letting someone pressure you into doing something you don't want to do. So hopefully you didn't feel trapped.

Bob Smiley: Well, actually, I didn't at first because, it's like we've said on here before, it's important to have good friends. And Billy saw what was going on and he jumped to my rescue.

Jesse: Oh, cool. So what did Billy do or say to help you?

Bob Smiley: He actually made a great joke. Billy pointed at Donnie's worm-filled hand and said, "AB ain't going to eat that worm. That thing is disgusting. I mean, look how gross and dirty it is."

Jesse: Billy makes a good point. Worms are sort of slimy and often covered in dirt.

Bob Smiley: Yeah, but when Donnie said, "This worm ain't that dirty," Billy said, "I was talking about your hands, Donnie." It was great.

Jesse: Bob, I mean, you guys shouldn't be making fun of someone because of their hygiene.

Bob Smiley: Okay, who's Jean? I don't have a friend named Jean. And I wouldn't be saying hi... Okay, back to the story. Donnie totally ignored Billy's comment and said to me, "Come on, AB. Don't you always be saying you're a superhero and you can do all things? Come on, I dare you to eat it." And you know what, Jesse? At that moment, I just decided to do it. I could tell Donnie was not going to let up.

Jesse: Well, as someone who has eaten a worm or two, I can't blame you for just wanting to get it over with.

Bob Smiley: Yeah, I was actually feeling pretty good about my decision until Donnie dropped the giant, fat, slimy worm in my hand. And that's when I turned to Sarah and I said, "What if this is all a dream?"

But then she said something—this is what she said, actually, see if this makes sense. She said, "Don't be silly. You wouldn't be asking me if it was a dream if it was." That confused me, if I'm being honest.

Jesse: It confuses me as well. What did she mean by that?

Bob Smiley: Okay, good, I'm glad I'm not the only one. I then turned and asked her, "What does that mean?" And she said, "Well, you don't know about dreams when you're dreaming. Like, have you ever gone to sleep and dreamed in your dream? No. So you don't know about dreams in your dreams. So this is obviously not a dream."

Jesse: I guess that sort of makes sense. I don't think I know about dreams when I'm dreaming, but I've never really thought about it before.

Bob Smiley: Yeah, me neither. But I didn't really have too much time to think about it. That worm was starting to get really wiggly. Plus, I could see Everly dangling from the tree limb about 12 feet off the ground. I could see Billy standing right there beside me. I even smelled Donnie's bad breath, so I knew this wasn't a dream.

So I decided, you know what? I'm just going to go for it. I was going to show Donnie that I wasn't afraid and that I could actually do all things through Christ who does actually strengthen me. So I took a big deep breath, I tossed the worm up in the air, I opened my mouth, and then...

Jesse: And then what?

Bob Smiley: And then that's when my mom woke me up. Jesse, Sarah was totally wrong. You can know about dreams in a dream because I just done it.

Jesse: Okay, hang on. You mean all this was just a dream?

Bob Smiley: It was all just a dream. But I had to tell you that because what happened next was pretty crazy.

Jesse: Okay, so what happened next?

Bob Smiley: I was still a little bit groggy from waking up, and that dream had me a little shaky.

Jesse: Like you get after eating a bag of candy.

Bob Smiley: Yeah! Or my dad after three cups of coffee. Wow, that was a great callback.

Jesse: Thanks.

Bob Smiley: Yeah. So anyway, Mom reminded me that we needed to get ready for church just a little bit earlier than normal since I'd invited Mave to join us. We had to go pick her up at her house.

Jesse: Okay, hold on. So your school really did get a new student from Portland, Oregon?

Bob Smiley: Yes, from Portland, and howdy back to you, Jesse. I really did invite her to church. I thought it might help her to meet some of the kids from youth group since she was so new and all. And I guess my brain stored all that information.

Then at night when it was time to start playing a movie in my head while I slept, my amazing brain put Mave in the movie along with all the other people that normally appear in my dreams. But that's not the craziest part of the story.

Jesse: Well, I'm all ears.

Bob Smiley: Again, gross. But the craziest part of the story is when we pulled up to Mave's house, Jesse, she was way up in a tree in her front yard waiting for us to come get her. Turns out Mave is not afraid of heights at all. So that part of my dream was way off.

Jesse: Well, I guess the takeaway to today's episode is to always—to always... Wait, what is the takeaway from your story, AB?

Bob Smiley: Oh, to always be nice to new people and put yourself in their shoes. Unless they're wearing Uggs; I don't get those things at all. But you can invite people to church and just be friendly and always pick good friends who have your back. I know it was just a dream, but Billy always has my back when Donnie or anyone else is trying to mess with me.

Jesse: Well, those are really good things.

Bob Smiley: Oh, and I thought of another takeaway. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us, even in our dreams. I totally could have eaten that worm if Mom hadn't woke me up first. But I'm going to be honest, I'm sort of glad she did.

Jesse: I'm sure. Well, we ran long, so we don't really have time to answer any questions from our listeners, but I would like to play a comment we got from one of our fans. Check this out.

Guest (Judah): Hi, Jesse and Average Boy. I have a joke for you. What comes out when rain comes down? An umbrella! I love your podcast so much. It's given me so much advice. Thank you.

Bob Smiley: Well, I'm glad you listen to our advice and sent in a great joke, Judah. That was sort of like a riddle joke. Like this one we received from Xavier, who actually lives in Australia. He wrote in and said:

"Hi, I live in Australia and always wondering what your favorite color is. And, Jesse, your jokes are fine. It doesn't matter what Bob says or doesn't say. I also have a riddle. I'm tall when I'm young and I'm short when I'm old. What am I? A candle, of course."

Jesse: Great Australian accent, Bob. It was sort of like Xavier was just right there talking to me and complimenting my jokes.

Bob Smiley: Hey, you know what I just thought of? He did compliment your jokes, so maybe you're funny in Australia. But I like Judah's compliment better. Anyway, you got anything else to add before we sign off?

Jesse: A buoy scout.

Bob Smiley: Wait, what? A buoy scout? What's a buoy scout?

Jesse: That's what wears a uniform and floats in the water: a buoy scout! I didn't want to leave our listeners hanging from my earlier joke setup.

Bob Smiley: Okay, yeah, it is definitely time to end this.

Jesse: Okay, well, we hope you enjoyed listening to today's Official Average Boy Podcast, which is a presentation of Focus on the Family. If you haven't heard our other episodes, you can go back and listen to them at averageboypodcast.com. At that website on our parents page, you can find links to subscribe to Focus on the Family's Clubhouse Magazine. This award-winning monthly magazine features a new Adventures of Average Boy story every month.

Bob Smiley: Written by me! Parents can also click on the link to the Focus store to buy my devotional books, Devotions for Super Average Kids books one and two, or they can get my two newest books, Average Boy's Above Average Year or Average Boy's Above Average Summer. All four books are filled with lots of laughs and lots of encouragement.

Jesse: Another cool feature on that website is the ability to send in your questions and comments. Anyone can send us a message at averageboypodcast.com by clicking on the Ask a Question link, or you can leave a voicemail by clicking on the green box that says Leave a Voicemail. Just make sure you get your parents' permission before you call because we might use your message on a future episode, just like we did today with Judah.

Bob Smiley: Well, thanks for listening, everyone. I'm Bob.

Jesse: And I'm Jesse.

Bob Smiley: Telling you: don't be average. Be super average. Oh, and if you see me on the street one day, be sure to come up and say "Oregon!"