The Healing Word

Guest (Male): The healing word ministry on one place is brought to you by the generous donations of people like you. At any time during today's message, feel free to send a prayer request or make a donation using the links provided. Now, I pray you will be blessed as Pastor Jack Morris delivers a message from the word of God that will encourage and strengthen your faith in him.

Pastor Jack Morris: The more mature love is a more realistic view of life, family, and marriage. The more mature love is when the couple take off the rose-colored glasses and they accept the fact that two imperfect people married each other.

Guest (Male): Welcome to the healing word with Pastor Jack Morris. Today's message is titled love in a marriage. And from the very beginning, God designed marriage as a union filled with love, sacrifice, and blessing. As Pastor Morris shares from the word, you'll be reminded that Christ's love for his church is the model for love between husband and wife.

Pastor Jack Morris: I'm convinced that a husband and wife can serve God and love God and worship God based on the degree that they have a relationship with each other, the husband and the wife. In 1 Peter 3 7 Peter talks about our prayers being hindered and he's specifically talking about husbands and wives that when there is difficulty and conflict, we can't be spiritual at that time and our prayers are hindered. And so when we get our relationship with our mate right and the love is flowing there, then our relationship with God becomes more clear and more appreciative.

So, let us live together, love one another, and love God with all of our hearts and have our prayers answered. I didn't get an amen on that one at all. Okay, I didn't get an amen. You know, love is perhaps the most talked about, sung about, written about subject of all subjects. There are thousands of books and magazine articles, songs, and movies. They're all about love. Here's an interesting thing. Love causes more happiness and love also causes more sadness. Isn't that strange that that one emotion affects people in such diverse and different ways? Love is wonderful and love can also be be terrible and be very difficult and heartbreaking.

Dr. Gary Chapman came to our church, Largo Community Church a number of years ago. He was associated with Moody Bible Institute and he did a seminar here. He also wrote several books and one of the most popular books that Dr. Chapman wrote is the five love languages. You have seen that book and heard about it. In that book, Dr. Chapman says love is the most important word in the English language and it's also the most confusing. And I have to say amen to that. There's a primary emotion in every human being that only love can meet.

And children, if children are to grow up and to be emotionally strong and secure, that child must have love. Otherwise, that child is going to be deformed emotionally. And we have an organization here in the church right now where ladies are take going to hospitals, nurseries, and and and taking babies in their arms and just rocking them. The first person I ever heard to do that I was Elaine Saunders. And that counter out there is in her memory, a wonderful Christian lady who was a member of our church a number of years ago and she would tell me how that on her way home from work she'd go by the hospital and go in and just hold babies and and hug them and rock them for a while.

As we have a group of ladies in the church that are doing that now. What did Jesus have to say about love? Jesus said love is the most important of all things. He said by love all men will know that you are my disciples if you have love one for another. So, love is the badge of Christianity. That's not our words, but the love that we show demonstrates Christ's presence in our hearts. The apostle Paul says that when everything is said and everything is done, only three things will remain. Faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.

And of all places, love needs to be in the home and in the house. And if it isn't there, then I don't know that it exists anywhere else. Now, we're going to look at this word love, this emotion, and the emotion and energy of this love as it relates and expresses itself in marriage in the relationship between a husband and a wife. Marriage is God's idea. Marriage, the family, the home, it all began with God. It was his idea and he thought it was a good idea. You think it's a good idea? It must be.

Everybody's getting married or trying to. A lot of marriages and marriage is increasing in its popularity. In the New Testament, marriage is compared to the relationship that exists between Christ and his church. And both relationships are sacred and holy. The relationship between Christ and the church is sacred and holy. And the New Testament says the relationship between a husband and wife is also sacred and holy. But we know that there's a lot of conflict and I'm going to deal with that more specifically next week. But if love isn't there, conflict will win out. But if love is there, the marriage union will be saved.

Now, only God could have conceived of a relationship so beautiful as marriage. Marriage is the oldest institution in human history. It's older than the church itself. God himself started it in Genesis chapter 2 verse 18. Now, you have an outline. I don't have the the projector today, but I want you to take your outline and make notes as you hear something that will apply to you that you want to remember. And there are also some words to write down. Line A. Why do people marry? Well, I'm going to give you some some thoughts about it because it's it's it's rather it's rather difficult to really understand and to answer that question.

When you think of all of the the heartache and the sorrow that's related to marriage, at the divorce, I understand that divorce is one of the most difficult things that a person can ever experience and the sorrow. But most divorced people go through all of that difficulty, all that sorrow, all that heartbreak only to turn around and get married again. Thought didn't you learn the first time? And then I thought about all the premarital sex and all the people who are living together. And a few years ago there was a great stigma associated with premarital sex and people living together.

It's still a sin, but it's being accepted in society. But even at that, people living together, they'll get married. People will come to visit me and in marriage counseling and they have been living together for like five years, six years, seven years. And then they get married one year and they're already to get a divorce. I I didn't say it, but you know, you wonder why they got married. Things were going so well until they got married. But there's something compelling about marriage. There's something compelling. Well, why do people marry? The social theorists say that because of socialization, because of biological urges, because of conformity to expectations.

Everybody expects you you're going to grow up and you're going to get married. That's what people do. You're supposed to grow up and get married. And then the belief that marriage enhances one's emotional well-being. Basically, the social will give that as an answer to why people marry. Well, when I ask people, just talk to people, why do people marry? Here are some of the reasons that they give. They said, well, I like to have a home life and so I I looked for a a mate. Some people will say I I wanted companionship. And others will say I would like to have I wanted to have regular sex.

Others will say there's there was pressure from a family member. My mother just pressed me to marry him or pressed me to marry her or the mate pressed me. Well, he was just just so insisted that we get married or she was just so insistent so I just gave in and we got married. And and then emotional support and then economic reasons. Two can live as cheap as one. So, we thought we'd get married and just move in and that would be be better. Now, those are some of the answers that people give. But here's the answer that most people give.

By far, people say we got married because we were in love. There was a a poll, a Roper poll survey. And the answer came back that 38 % no 30 33 % of women said they got married because of love. 77 % of the men who were in the survey said they got married because of love. Well, that was a good answer. So, now I'm going to take you to step B. What is love? Well, let me tell you this. There's the love of a honeymooner and then there's the love of a mature married person.

And the love that a honeymooner has is all together different than the love of a person or a couple say they were married 30 years, all together different. Let's talk about the honeymooner's love. That's the kind of love that songwriters write about and poets write about. That that that that kind of love, that honeymooner's love, that's an intense physical attraction and intense biological urges. Now, you didn't think I remembered, did you? It about drove me crazy. Honeymooner's love. It's an abnormal, insane, crazy love. But it's not abnormal to the honeymooners. But it is abnormal if you expect that kind of love to continue.

Let's talk about the more mature love. The more mature love is a more realistic view of life, family, and marriage. The more mature love is when the couple take off the rose-colored glasses and they accept the fact that two imperfect people married each other. You didn't hear that, did you? Your mate is imperfect and guess what? You're imperfect also. We're all imperfect. There will be conflicts, but conflicts can be resolved through patience, through understanding, through communication, through time. It can be resolved. If the couple consistently strive together, conscientiously strive together to please each other and to make each other comfortable and happy, then there's hope.

But so often they won't come out and say it quite like I 'm going to say it now. But so often when I listen to them, the wife is saying and the husband is saying if he would only make me happy, if she would only make me happy. The couple I was talking with sometime ago, the the lady has a graduate no, she has a bachelor's degree, well-educated lady. She doesn't have a job and she's not really looking for a job very aggressively. She she doesn't have any girlfriends. They rarely go to church. She doesn't like to go to the shopping center.

Lady, what do you do? I just stay home and take care of the house. And when I found out, she goes around the house all day long looking for things for her husband to do. Paint this, fix that, do that. She said, I'm going to divorce this man because he's not doing the things I want him to do and I'm just so unhappy. He does not make me happy. Said, lady, get out of the house, go for a walk. Do you ever go for a walk in the afternoon? No. Do you ever go to the gym?

No. What do you do? Just stay home. Stay home. Waiting for somebody, friend. You nobody's going to make you happy if you don't make yourself happy. Happiness is a choice. Happiness is a choice. But a husband has to try to strive to make his wife happy. And he he tries to make her happy, make her comfortable. And the wife is doing the same thing. Don't try to make yourself happy, make him happy. Don't try to make yourself happy, make her happy. And with two people are trying and working together conscientiously to make each other happy, guess what?

There's going to be some happiness there. But if you're waiting on your mate to make you happy, not going to happen. You're not going to be very happy. And then when the conflicts come with time, with patience, with communication, with understanding, you can work it out. But there comes a time sometimes that things just can't seemingly be worked out so you just forgive. And that's going to be my last message. You forgive. You forgive the big offenses and you overlook the smaller ones. Isn't that wonderful that you can do that? And I'm going to tell you how to do that from the scripture biblically.

It's wonderful when a husband and wife live together and they like each other, joy each other's company. Well, we're talking about mature love, aren't we? Well, let's take the next step. Point C. What is mature love? Write down the word mature. Mature love takes time, not hormones. Do I need to say that one again? Mature love takes time, not hormones. Marriage is a growing experience. That's there's that romantic love. Two people meet, they're attracted to each other, a romance develops, soon they fall in love. But friend, listen to me now. Those of you who have just been recently married and those who have been married 30 years or more, that romantic honeymoon love will last according to statistics about a year and a half to two years.

That biological urges, those hormones jumping around in your head, driving you crazy, you know, that will begin to diminish and and it will be it'll diminish after about a a year and a half to two years. If you expect it to continue on, then you're going to be very disappointed. That's why most divorces happen within the first five years. After the second year, that that romantic hormone love begins to diminish and they they work at it. They try to get it back and they strive and they fight and they conflict for the next two years and then the third the fifth year they're in the divorce courts and they're getting out of the marriage.

But the more mature love is the strength of the marriage. That is a growing love and which holds the couple together for a lifetime. Now, how does that mature love grow? That's point D in your outline. How does marital love mature? How does it grow? The more mature love grows as the couple begin to share things in common. They dream and plan together. They talk, they share, they pray, they work together. And little by little they become one. Now, people do not become one flesh when they get married and the first night of their honeymoon when they have sexual relations.

That's the beginning. It takes time. It's like two great rivers coming together. The the life begins to flow together. It takes time to plan. It takes time to work. It takes time to pray. It takes time to dream. It takes time to share. Now, here's the most important part of my message, point D. Number one. How does marital love mature? Number one. What is it? Okay, circle that word adjustments. Normally, people marry with no real understanding of what a good marriage entails. They really don't know. They have an idea. They think that marriage is going to make them happy.

And it will if it's a biblical marriage, if the couple will work together, pray together, dream together, share together, it can be one of the greatest and most wonderful institutions on Earth compared only to the relationship between Christ and his church. It can be wonderful. But most people don't think of marriage that way. They don't compare their marriage to a relationship between Christ and the church. They have no real understanding or concept of what makes a good marriage. And they have little preparation for marriage, very little. Couple that are having difficulty. How long did you know each other?

Four days. Four days. You got married after you knew each other. Well, I know these people myself personally. Yeah, four days and they got married and they stood there before the the person officiating the ceremony and they promised to love and cherish and keep those hormones kicking all through the rest of their life. And they only knew each other four days. And they took those serious vows. People don't understand the the the complexity of bringing two separate individuals into a delicate, balanced coordination of each other's thoughts, feelings, wishes, beliefs, habits. You don't know that guy.

You don't know that girl. You really don't. It's going to take time. It's going to take a lot of time and it's going to take a lot of adjustment. I said that as hard as I could say it. I can't say it much harder than that. Now, adjustments begin within in the inner thoughts, in the inner desires, in inner feelings. When a husband discovers that he is doing something that irritates his wife, he should stop it. And when a wife knows that she's doing something that irritates the husband, she should stop it, make the adjustment.

Now, Karen and I have been married for a long time. Would you like to know some of the Would you like to know some of the adjustments we had to make? You want me to tell you? You're too anxious. You come out Wednesday. I might talk to you. All right. Adjustments. You're going to have to do it, friends. If you love him, if you love her. Number two. Through perseverance. Don't give up, friend. When conflict comes, don't give up. Don't give up on the marriage. Conflict signal that adjustments are necessary. They're needed. Adjustment means that the marriage a conflict means that the marriage is beginning to grow.

You've grown to a place where where you conflict in your thinking, in your feelings, you're growing. Look at it that way. Don't look at it as something negative. And when the conflict is resolved and it can be resolved, then the marriage is moved forward. It's another building brick in the house that the spiritual house that you're building. Conflict will will come. It it has to come. If there are two individuals, it will come and it will happen. But it doesn't mean that you've lost your love for your mate and it doesn't mean that the marriage is over.

It's not that that that's not a sign of that. Work through your conflict. Talk about it. Plan, dream, pray, strive together. You're a team. Love one another. Be subject to one another. In Ephesians chapter 5 verse 21, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Now, you might feel, hey, he doesn't deserve it. All the things that he's done to me or all the things he's done to me, they don't deserve it. It is just payback time. Give them a little dose of their own medicine. Let them know what it feels like. You have to think I'm going to do this for Jesus.

That's the only way you're going to be able to do it. I'm going submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Ephesians 5 13, serve one another in love. Now, number three. Show appreciation. Appreciation is a basic human need and everyone needs to give and receive appreciation. When she fixes a good meal or even if it isn't a good meal, you lie a little bit. God won't hold you for that kind of lie. Say, oh boy. It really hit the spot. Yeah. So, the fourth one, listen to this. Through God. You need God in that relationship.

Keep God in your relationship. Pray together. Remember it all started before God in his presence at the altar. He was the priest and the witness. Marriage needs to be a triangle. The husband, the wife, and God. You see, friends, marriage is more than a physical union. It's also a spiritual union. Husbands, love your wives like Christ loved the church. Wives, you love your and honor your husband. And it'll work. God will help you.

Guest (Male): We're so glad you joined us for today's message on love in a marriage. Remember the love God calls us to share in marriage is rooted in his love for us. If this program encouraged you, we invite you to visit us online at the healingword.com where you can hear more messages, submit prayer requests, and learn how to partner with this ministry. If the healing word has blessed you or someone you love, we invite you to prayerfully consider pledging your financial support. Your gift goes directly toward creating life-changing content, offering healing prayers, and spreading the message of God's love to people everywhere.

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