The Healing Word

Guest (Male): The healing word ministry on one place is brought to you by the generous donations of people like you. At any time during today's message, feel free to send a prayer request or make a donation using the links provided. Now I pray you will be blessed as pastor Jack Morris delivers a message from the word of God that will encourage and strengthen your faith in him.

Pastor Jack Morris: I want him to do it my way. I want her to do it my way. I want him to make me feel good. I want her to make me feel good. Stop being so self-centered. Look to Jesus. Jesus was not self-centered when he went to the cross. Look at this.

Guest (Male): Welcome to the healing word. Pastor Jack Morris speaks today on forgiveness in a marriage from the psalmist's cry for mercy to Paul's call to compassion. We're reminded that forgiveness is not only a gift between two people but a legacy for the whole family.

Pastor Jack Morris: As I mentioned some time ago, we live in a world of conflict. There's a lot of conflict. And the two major sources of conflict, the two primary sources, the workplace and the home. In the workplace, there's competition, competitiveness, there's personality conflicts, there's turf wars. And we become involved. And it's hard to not become involved in some of these situations. Matter of fact, it's impossible. We find ourselves involved. And in the home, the home also is a place of conflict very very often. There's sibling rivalry. Did you ever fight with your brothers and sisters? As a parent, did you ever say to the kids, will you be quiet?

Will you stop fighting? You had to do some refereeing. And then there's the conflict between parents and children. Have you ever had a conflict with your son or your daughter? Of course, we all have as the children begin to individuate and grow up and they want to do things on their own. There's conflict. And then there's conflict very often between husbands and wives. Now because of the intimacy and relationship between a husband and wife, they are more vulnerable to hurt and pain. It becomes more acute because of that intimacy. There are misunderstandings, misinterpretations, offenses. And then in addition to that, sometimes there's an affair.

One or both have been unfaithful. Then there are other abuses, physical abuse, verbal abuse. Sometimes the tongue can be so sharp and words can be spoken and they cut so deeply and they hurt. And it takes time for that hurt to go away and to be healed. Sometimes there are sexual abuse. Sometimes it's intentional, sometimes it's unintentional. And often the only thing that can be done is to forgive one another in order for the marriage to move ahead and go forward because we can't go back and undo the past. History is history. If we could just suck those words back in that we spoke often, we would.

But it's done. It's out there. Even God does not change history. The history books are written. History is history. And often the only thing we can do is just forgive one another in order to go forward and make the marriage. We can't undo it. Otherwise, the pain and the hurt it lives on. If we don't forgive, it lives on. It imprisons us. It encompasses us. It hurts us. And it imprisons us. That pain and that hurt, we have to learn how to forgive if we're going to stay in the marriage and have a good marriage and have a happy marriage.

Otherwise, the marriage will be dysfunctional. And that pain just imprisons us. There comes a wall that separates us between us and our spouse. The wall wasn't there. But when that wall goes up, we just can't undo it unless we acknowledge in all humility and confess to one another. If we don't find forgiveness, we will begin to ruminate in our minds what went on, what went wrong. And it'll be played over and over and over again. We don't want to play it over again. We don't want to remember but we can't help ourselves. That's the way the human mind works.

And the only way that we can get that out of the mind is to forgive. And God's going to help us to do that. I'm talking about a great big work of grace. But God gave us a great big work of grace, didn't he? And he's going to help us to extend that to others. Forgiveness is necessary. On the other hand, there have been couples who have tried to forgive and move on but they failed thinking that divorce was an easier option. But even after the divorce, even after the divorce, forgiveness is necessary. Even after the divorce and a person marries and it looks like they're moving on, they look back to that first spouse that they divorced and the reason they divorced and how that spouse hurt them and they're still angry with that spouse.

They still carry the pain even in a new marriage. And sometimes it moves over from that former spouse even to the new spouse. Friend, we must forgive or we are headed for disaster not only in the marriage but physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. We are going to live a crippled life if we don't forgive. I told you some time ago about my own family, my nuclear family, my biological family, my parents divorced. And one of the people one person of the church soon as the service was over, I think it was soon as the service was over, her husband wasn't here, ran home and told her husband, do you know the pastor came from a broken home?

And he mentioned it to me. He said, my wife was just so stunned to know that. Well, it it happened. It was a disaster. It happened. And for many years, my mother was very angry with my father even though my mother remarried. But after a period of time, the years passed and they became friends. And when my dad would come to visit, my mother and dad would kiss each other. But for a number of years, it wasn't like that at all. So sometimes we are still suffering over a former spouse and we already have a new spouse but we still have unforgiving anger and pain because of what happened back there.

Friends, we're going to have to look at this seriously this morning if we're going to know peace and happiness in our present situation. Because history has a way of repeating itself and what went wrong back there can happen again. Things become cyclical. And what goes around comes around again. We don't move on. We just keep repeating the same old mistakes. And most of us know what the mistakes are. But are we willing to do anything about it? Until we become willing and do something about it, we're going to suffer and so will our spouse suffer and so will our children suffer.

Now you have an outline. I don't want you to have any words to write down today. There's nothing to write down only your thoughts, only something that I say that will touch your heart and you may want to write it down for yourself but look at the outline. Point A, what is marital forgiveness? Now but just prior to talking about that, I want to say something here. We talk about living the Christian life before our neighbors, before our relatives. We talk about listen, we talk about living the Christian life where we work, letting our life be an example of Jesus, a reflection of Jesus, where we go to work to be the light of the world, to be the salt of the earth, to have the joy of the Lord in our hearts.

Hey, why don't we bring that same testimony back home? Not only go to work and be an example of Jesus but be an example of Jesus in the home. There are people in the home that needs that need an example of Jesus. And since you and I are Christians, let's bring it home. The scripture says in Ephesians 4:32, be kind and compassionate to one another. Maybe I ought to put it this way. Be kind and compassionate to your wife, to your husband. Not only the the people at work need it but the person who you love and who you're married to, who you've made a commitment to, they also need your kindness and compassion.

Why be a testimony out there and be a devil in the home? Hey, I got something on that one. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you. Just as in Christ. Colossians 3:13, bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances grievances you may have against one another. Forgiveness is the theme of the Bible. Without it, we can't go forward and live the abundant Christian life. Now I am going to define forgiveness. You ready? You have your bulletin. Defining forgiveness. Number one, read it to me out loud in unison.

An act of the will. Forgiveness is a choice. I want you to circle the word choice. We need to let go of those hurts and those pains and those offenses and those abuses. We we need to let it go and not think about how we're going to get even and how we're going to retaliate. Oh, he hurt me so. She hurt me so. Of course, they did. They can't go back and undo it but you can forgive just as Christ forgave you. He's going to give you the power to forgive. Now I want to say something and this is so important.

I want to be as practical as I possibly can be and as realistic. Sometimes we're not ready to forgive. And I don't want you to feel too badly about that. Listen to me closely. If you're not ready to forgive, you can't forgive. There must be a willingness and a readiness. God is always ready to forgive our sins. No matter when we pray, God is there and will immediately forgive. But sometimes you and I aren't in a ready position to forgive. Now at that time, what we need to do, number one, we need to know that God forgives immediately and he's always ready.

We need to tell the Lord, Lord, thank you that you're ready to forgive me and you forgive me immediately. I do know now you're still praying. Lord, I do know that I need to forgive just as you forgave me. But I don't feel like forgiving. There's so much anger in my heart. I am so hurt. I'm still suffering. I mean, you have to talk cleanly to the Lord. You have to say I'm not ready. Please make me ready. Please make me ready. And the Lord will begin to help you in a sermon, in a song, through a poem that you read, through scripture reading, through a friend that you talk to, in private prayer and meditation.

He will begin to work in your heart to get you to the place where you are ready. And there are those here this morning, you know in your heart you need to forgive in order to move forward with your life but you also know that you're not ready. That's okay not to be ready. Take that to the Lord. There will come a time that you will be ready. It it will not endure forever your unreadiness but right now you're not ready. You can't do it. The Lord understands. He knows our frame. He knows we are human.

He knows we are but dust. He's going to help us if we are honest and sincere and we pray. It is a choice. It's a choice that you have to make. And when you make that choice, God will be there to help you and to get you ready to go forward. Isn't that wonderful how merciful and kind the Lord is, how understanding he is of us? He's not harsh. He does not put a demand on us that we cannot fulfill but he expects us to critique ourselves, to repent of our own unreadiness, to talk to him about it so that he can get us ready.

You'll never get ready until you tell him I'm not ready. Still with me? Okay. Number two, defining forgiveness. What is it? A voluntary process. Voluntary means a choice that is willingly made. You've got to do it. God's not going to make you do it, not at all. You're a free moral agent. He has given you the power of choice. You have to do it voluntarily. You have to do it voluntarily. And it is a process. Say forgiveness is a process. Simply meaning that forgiveness takes time on our part. And this is so important what I am telling you now.

Only God can forgive immediately. You and I cannot forgive immediately. It takes time. Now this is what happens. A person and not only between a husband and wife but you those of you who are a single, who are widowed, this the way forgiveness works between a husband and wife is the way forgiveness works in all relationships. So everybody here this morning can get something from this message. This is how forgiveness works. God forgives immediately. The thief on the cross says, Lord, remember me when you come into your kingdom. Jesus says, today you'll be with me in paradise.

You and I have a difficult time forgiving immediately. Forgive. We confess to our spouse. The spouse forgives us. The spouse confesses to us. We forgive the spouse. The hurt goes away. We hug. We kiss. Don't we Karen? Okay. You want to see us do it now? Too anxious. But you know what happens? Tomorrow or the next day, that same feeling comes back, that same hurt, that same unforgivingness, that same anger. And then we say to ourselves, I don't understand it. I confessed. He confessed. She confessed. We forgave each other. And here I am remembering what he did or remembering what she did.

And I'm just about as angry now as I was then. I guess I didn't forgive. Anybody have something like that ever happen? You forgave. You did. You certainly did but because you are human, because you are not divine, you are going to need to struggle through and you're going to need to go through that exercise again not with the person or your spouse but now it's just you and God alone. It starts out with your spouse but now it 's just you and God and you get before the Lord and you say, Lord, I'm ashamed of myself.

I'm embarrassed. I forgave him. I forgave her. But the anger is right here again. Then you confess it again. And the Lord helps you and a peace comes and you get off your knees and my you feel so good. And then in about two days, there it is again. It's a process over a period of time but over time as you continue to confess, as you continue to repent, it diminishes, it diminishes, it diminishes. And then it goes away. We all stand at the altar and we take those vows sacred before God, before God's holy altar.

We say I want this man. I want this woman. I make this commitment to him. I make this commitment to her. I do it before you, oh God. Bring your blessing upon it. How I've got to go back in my mind and remember that for better or for worse. Remember? You don't remember saying that? Well, you did. For better or for worse. Like the man said, yeah but she's worse than I took her for. For richer, for poorer. When the money part gets involved. In sickness and in health until death do we part. Wow. You know I believe God holds us accountable for the vows that we make as particularly if we make them before him.

At the altar, many of us then took communion remembering his broken body and his shed blood that we're going to take this morning. Remember this is forgiveness. And as we remember, friends, you're going to have to go through some mental exercises to get there. You're not going to wake up one morning and just feel, hey, he's forgiven. She's forgiven. It's not going to happen that way, not at all. 10 years from now, you're still going to carry that bitterness and that pain unless you do something about it. It's the same with an unsaved person. Unless they come to the Lord Jesus and do something about their lostness, they're going to be lost.

They're not going to just wake up some morning and automatically be saved. The scripture says with the mouth confession is made unto salvation and with the heart man believes unto righteousness. We say, well, in my heart I've forgiven but have you forgiven with your mouth? Have you confessed? Have you acknowledged? Have you said, forgive me? Or have you said to the person who's asking for forgiveness or even before they ask for forgiveness, I forgive you. You've got to put your heart and your mouth into it to get saved and get into the kingdom of God and have Jesus forgive your sins and the same way it works in a relationship with one another and with the spouse and in the home.

I haven't gotten any claps this morning, nothing, nothing. Number three. What? Forgiveness is impossible on a human level. It's entirely impossible on the human level. Jesus prayed for those who were torturing him. Father, forgive them for they don't know what they're doing. And that prayer so touched those pagan Roman soldiers. Those pagan soldiers, they they may have worshipped some other God with a little G or maybe a multiplicity of gods or no God at all but these people that were hedonistic and only materialistic in their thinking. That prayer that Jesus prayed so touched them that one of the centurions spoke out and one of the guards they said, surely this was the son of God.

Friend, people will question your Christianity if you can't forgive. But if you can forgive, they're going to believe in you. And they're going to believe in the Jesus that you serve. And they're going to know that it is him within you that is doing the forgiveness and asking the forgiveness. You're never more like Jesus than when you forgive. Let me say it again. You are never more like Jesus than when you forgive. So for Jesus, forgive. For your own health, mental health, spiritual health, emotional health, forgive for Jesus and forgive for yourself. Do it for yourself.

And number four, what is the fourth one? Remember the power of of love. You too, you and your spouse thought enough of each other. You dated. You had fun on your dates. You grew closer and there was a day you came to that decision that I want to spend the rest of my life with this man or this woman. They liked it. You agreed on a time, a date. You came before the pastor, the altar. And you made that decision that we are making a commitment of love for life. And now things are starting to happen.

Difficulties, crises, things are coming in. The devil is going to see to it. Friend, you're going to need Jesus and Jesus will be there to help you. Let let the love of Jesus flow through you to your spouse. Don't be just an example of Jesus at work. Be an example of Jesus in the home to your spouse. Let the love of Jesus. Love is not self-seeking. 1 Corinthians 13:5 meaning our primary concern should not be for our own interest. I want him to do it my way. I want her to do it my way. I want him to make me feel good.

I want her to make me feel good. Stop being so self-centered. Look to Jesus. Jesus was not self-centered when he went to the cross. Look at this. He could have called for 10,000 angels if he were self-centered. He could have escaped but he didn't. He laid down his life. We have to have that same attitude. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus. Come to this altar today. If you're not ready to forgive, you come anyway. Come to the altar and say, Lord, you forgave me willingly. You provided for my salvation and forgiveness even before I was born.

You did this for me. I know I need to forgive. I'm not ready to forgive. Help me to become ready. You will meet Christ here in a very special way, in a most wonderful way. He'll meet you. He'll put his arms around you. He will love you for your honesty. He will help you.

Guest (Male): Thank you for joining us for forgiveness in a marriage. Forgiveness builds bridges, restores families, and reflects the love of Christ. We encourage you to pray for healing in your marriage and home today. We'd like to invite you to join pastor Jack Morris and the healing word family in both prayer and support of this ministry. Your prayer strengthens us and your gifts, large or small, help us extend the reach of God's word to more people who need his hope. Every gift is deeply appreciated. To stand with us today, simply visit the healingword.com and click on the donate tab.

Together, we can share the life-changing message of Jesus Christ. Join us tomorrow for another healing word message. Until then, blessings on you.