The Alternative

Dr. Tony Evans: Never pray with them. Never have Bible study with them. Don't correct them when they're wrong. Don't do any of that and wonder why my son hasn't made anything of his life.

Guest (Male): Dr. Tony Evans says many problems young people face can be traced back to a leadership vacuum. All the kids lose when the father is nowhere to be found. This is the Alternative broadcast, featuring the timeless biblical teachings from the archives of Dr. Tony Evans.

Dr. Tony Evans: It's been said that true leadership is the art of guiding others with integrity, humility, and vision. And that's part and parcel to the biblical instruction for spiritual leadership in the family. But today, Dr. Evans points out that merely calling yourself a leader is quite different from actually functioning as a leader. Let's join him as he explains.

The Bible makes it clear that you know when God has cursed a land when its fathers are nowhere to be found. Fatherlessness. The scourge of our day. We're introduced in one verse to a father. First Chronicles chapter 7. We are given the genealogy of the descendants of a man named Asher. Asher, according to verse 30, has four boys and a daughter. He's got five children.

Asher is a special man because of the heritage he built. And if you, as men in particular, supported by of course, the women, the ladies, will take to heart these few principles from this one verse. It could be a life-transforming experience both for you and your family.

The first thing we read about Asher is that the sons of Asher were the heads of the father's houses. The first thing we note about Asher then, is that he raised his sons to be leaders. They weren't just in the house, eating the food of the house, taking up space around the house. According to the verse, these were heads of houses.

Headship in the Bible refers to the leadership role that God has called a man to have with respect to his family. He is head of the house. But sons, led by the father, took their leadership role seriously. They were heads of the father's houses.

Every man, without exception, has been created to be a leader because every man has been created to be head of a household. That is, if you get married and you have a wife, and you have a family, you are in the leadership position.

Now, you may be a poor leader, a mediocre leader, a trifling leader, or maybe even an excellent leader. But every man has been given a leadership tag. Because every man has been called to be head of his home.

A leader is one who knows the way, shows the way, and goes the way. He knows where he's going, he goes there, and he shows others how to join him in getting there. These were heads of houses.

What then does it take for a man to be the head? If you're going to give direction because you're in the role of authority, and you're going to own the responsibility, what does that look like? What did Asher's sons look like if they were the functional head, not just with a title?

Well, the first thing a leader will always have is a picture. We call it vision. A leader always sees out in front of everybody else. A leader is always looking ahead. He has a clear mental picture, watch this, of a better future.

When your wife married you, if you indeed married, you probably made promises. And I can bet you all of your promises involved a better future. You talked about dreams and goals and you painted a picture that she believed. She's got a picture of a better future. A leader always has to have vision.

A leader, in this case, the head of a home, does not only see the acorn, he sees the oak tree. Martin Luther King had a dream of a better future, which led to a civil rights movement. Nehemiah had a dream of a better Jerusalem, which led him to go back and rebuild the walls.

Joshua and Caleb had a better picture, and so they could see that they could take the promised land. One of the reasons that heads of households today don't dream is because they don't see. Or all they see is what they're looking at.

And then a leader has to have a plan. Having a picture is where you start. You got, you got to see something. You got to have passion because that's the fire to motivate you to do it. But then you got a plan. You, you got, you got to have a map. How are we going to get from here to there?

Whenever God did something in the Bible, it was tied to a plan. Even the death of His Son, who was slain before the foundation of the world, it was tied to a plan. God, God was working something out according to a plan.

So, if you're going to be the head and it not just be a title, then you need a picture of a better future. You need a passion to get there, and you need a plan that's going to take us from where we are to where we're at. This ain't about I hope we get there someday.

So here's my question to the heads of houses by title. If your family were to ask you, what is your dream for us, Dad? Could you articulate it? Do they feel the fire and have they ever been shown a plan? If not, you are a leader by title, not by function. So he raised heads of households.

Secondly, he raised sons who were excellers, choice men. He raised the cream of the crop. Not just boys, not just men, but the top of the line. Choice means top of the line. You know how when you go to pick fruit and you, you look at it, you, you want the best, the ripest, you want the one with the most color in it, you want, you want the choice fruit. He raised choice children.

These were sons who you would not mind your daughter marrying. Our problem for ladies today is not that there aren't men to marry, it's just that there aren't enough men worth marrying. It says he raised choice men, that is, men of high character, high ethical standards, who accepted responsibility.

Have you ever been behind somebody who is signaling right but turning left? See, a lot of guys talk a good game. All he has to have done is listen to somebody else and he can quote them. Which way is he turning? Not which way is he talking? A person signaling right and turning left is confused.

These were men of high standards. They were not mediocre. They were not trying to make it. "What's happening, brother?" "I'm trying to make it." Oh, you ain't it. You ain't it. Cause trying to make it is getting by. Praise God for the many men who are here today who, who weren't just trying to get by. Who weren't just satisfied with the status quo. These were choice men.

But they were choice men. Watch this, because Asher raised them to be that. He was the kind of father who insisted on excellence and was not satisfied with mediocrity. Let me explain something, men. If you are satisfied with your kids being mediocre, mediocre is what you're going to get.

And mediocre is what you're going to raise, and they're going to be satisfied with mediocre grades, and they're going to be satisfied with mediocre performance, and they're going to be satisfied with mediocre friends, and they're going to be satisfied with dating mediocre women, cause you raised them to be mediocre boys.

No, no, no. Asher decided, my boys are going to be cream of the crop, crème de la crème. Choice men. It amazes me today how in a room that's crowded and where there are no more seats, that men will allow women to stand for an inordinate amount of time and not budge.

And it's not just young women, it's older women too. They don't care. Because we're not raising our boys to be choice men. We're saying, "Boy, if you can just get by like your daddy, you're going to be okay."

And so, they don't want to get up on Saturday and do their work. They don't want to fulfill their responsibilities. No, you're not going to hold them accountable if they do a sloppy job. So they grow up and mediocre boys or trifling boys become trifling men.

But it says he raised his sons to be excellers, high standards, choice. There ought to be a line of excellent ladies wanting your boys to choose them because they are the pick of the litter. They're not just average.

And I don't mean that in an academic sense. I mean, a person can only maximize their potential. I mean, they maximize their God-given giftedness. And the best way for them to maximize it is to see you maximizing yours.

A father should tell his son about his dreams. And maybe you won't see all of your dreams. Maybe he'll pick it up and go further. But he ought to know that, that he can dream and that there is a better future than the one you had, that you have planned for him. You only finished high school, you want him to go further than you. You want him to be a choice man.

Guest (Male): When Dr. Evans returns in a moment, he'll talk more about the type of men Asher raised and how that relates to our roles as fathers today. Don't go away.

Guest (Male): If you're like most Christians, there are people in your life who know you, but may not know Jesus. You really want to do something about that, but don't feel equipped to share your faith effectively. In other words, maybe if you knew more, you could do more. Well, that's where the Tony Evans Training Center comes in. It's an online Bible school with classes that'll take you deep into the most important core concepts of the faith. You can start with our free introductory course on evangelism, then move on to subjects like spiritual warfare, marriage building, maturing in the faith, and many more. The content is challenging, but you can move through it at your own pace anytime you're online. There's also lots of custom content from Tony and an online forum where you can get your specific questions answered. Go to TonyEvans.org and follow the link to the Tony Evans Training Center. It's like having a seminary on your smartphone.

Guest (Male): I want to encourage you to take advantage of a valuable parenting resource package we put together to follow up on what we've been studying this week. It features Tony's two-volume teaching series, Parenting on Purpose. Across these 13 messages, Dr. Evans shares practical biblical strategies for helping children develop character, conviction, and a faith that lasts beyond childhood. And because parenting doesn't come with an instruction manual, we're also including Tony's trusted book, Raising Kingdom Kids. This popular resource has encouraged families by showing parents how to create a kingdom-minded atmosphere where children can thrive spiritually. We'd love to send you both resources as our thank you gift when you support the Alternative ministry with a donation. Just visit TonyEvans.org or call 1-800-800-3222 to make your request. That's 1-800-800-3222. I'll repeat that contact information for you after part two of today's lesson on The Spiritual Patriarch. Let's rejoin Dr. Evans in First Chronicles chapter 7.

Dr. Tony Evans: Says he raised excellers. He raised choice men, men of high standards.

Thirdly, he raised warriors. According to verse 40, he raised mighty men of valor. A man of valor is a warrior. Talk about his bravery. A man ready to do battle. Men are innately warriors. You know, men are innately warriors. That's why we love football because that's men at war. That's men at war. That's why we're so competitive by nature, cause that's men at war.

And I'm not talking about out to hurt people. I'm just talking about that sense of boldness. Valor means bold and brave and gutsy. He says he raised not only brave men, but mighty brave men. Mighty men of valor. Men who were ready to take a stand when a stand needed to be taken.

A warrior is a man trained and equipped for battle. A man of courage and conviction who will take risk for a good cause. I'm not talking about fools. I'm talking about people who have a good cause.

But now we enter into a massive problem, particularly for our boys, for our children in general, but particularly for our boys. Because instead of raising mighty men of valor, we are raising weak boys because they're being raised by weak men. Who are passive.

It's like the little boy whose father was on a business trip, and the father was on the business trip, he said, um, he said, "Well, Dad's on the business trip, so I'm the boy." He only had two sisters. "So I am now the head of the family." "So I'm going to sit in Dad's chair tonight." Mother was impressed. The little boy was taking over. Said, "Okay, have a seat in Dad's chair." Sisters got ticked off. "What do you think you're doing? You ain't no, no father, you ain't no, you don't know what you're doing." He says, "But I'm the boy, and so I'm taking Dad's place." Mother was impressed.

Sisters said, "Okay, if you're going to take Dad's place, I'm going to present you with a family problem. Let me see how you answer it." So she manufactured this family problem, said, "What are you going to do about that?" The boy thought for a moment, said, "I'm going to do what Dad would do." "Well, what would Dad do?" "Ask your mother."

No, mighty men of valor. Today we're living in a world of boys who become weak. They can't make decisions. They don't take a stand for what is right. They follow the crowd, which is why so many of them are getting in trouble with the crowd, cause Dad's not there saying, "No, you ain't going with them." "You're not staying out that late, and you're not going there." "How come, Dad?" "Real simple. I said so." It ain't that deep. It's cause I said so. That's why.

But either the Dad is not there to create a mighty man of valor. Now, now here's a problem. Because no matter how good a mother is, and I, I certainly appreciate the Yoman's work that so many, particularly of our single women have done. But no matter, look, if a boy is raised by a mother, with women all day at school, the Sunday school teacher at church is a woman. He is around women 24/7. So all the kids lose when the father is nowhere to be found. All the kids lose.

But because fathers in particular, and men in general, are not at their post, they're not at the table. They're not setting the agenda. They're not getting the reports. They're not critiquing the activity. They don't know who the friends are. You say, "Well, what's my wife supposed to do?" Real simple, help. She's not supposed to replace. She's only supposed to assist.

So what you can't do, it is fine for her to help you do, but she should not feel she is the responsible agent here, because she's not.

Finally, he raised mentors. It says, his sons were the heads of the princesses. It says his sons were chiefs of the princesses. A prince is a king waiting to happen. All of us have played checkers. You know, when you play checkers and you, and you jump, and you become a king. What do you do? You get crowned. You know, you, you put a crown on it because, because now you were just on the board, but now you've become a king. You get crowned. He calls the son, his grandsons, the son of his sons, princesses. That's a king waiting to happen.

That means they've got to be developed from princelhood to kingship. And that's mentoring. That's mentoring or training. A lot of people spend more time training dogs than they do children. Never pray with them, never have Bible study with them, don't lead them to church, don't correct them when they're wrong, don't let them go with them so that they can learn and see what Dad is doing. Don't do any of that and wonder why my son hasn't made anything of his life.

You can't be a father and not be present in the life of your sons. I got a phone call from a desperate mother, desperate mother, single parent, you know, trouble. I, I said, "Okay, give me his number." I called, I talked to the boy. I said, "Now, look, your mama from this day forward, is going to have absolutely no trouble out of you. She's given you your assignments, you will do your assignments, you will ask her, is there anything else she needs you to do, or she's going to tell me." He's on the phone. "Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Yes, sir."

Mother says, he's turning around. Yes, what he needed. That's all he needed. That's why you must mentor your sons and be involved in the mentoring of other children who are not yours, who still need a man in their lives.

He closes by saying, and the number of them enrolled by genealogy for service in war was 26,000 men. Wait a minute now. Asher only had four boys. But by the time the boys were finished, and the grandsons, and the great-grandsons, it says he got 26,000 men ready to go to battle. Oh, I like that.

You may think I'm this one lone man. No. No, cause when you roll this thing out right, and you get enough men influencing enough kids, who become men themselves, all of a sudden, he got 26,000 men saying, "What'd you say?" "Huh? Hey." They weren't men in hiding. They were men on record. They were not, they were not men in a closet. They were men you could count and count on. They were men not just talking. They were men who you could find.

Guest (Male): Dr. Tony Evans, talking about the massive difference it makes when men commit themselves to becoming spiritual patriarchs. Well, as I mentioned earlier, this message comes from Tony's two-volume series, Parenting on Purpose. For a limited time, when you make a donation and request this 13-message audio collection, we'll also send you a complimentary copy of Raising Kingdom Kids. These resources work together to provide practical help for parents who want to strengthen their families and raise children with a clear understanding of God's truth. To get all the details, visit TonyEvans.org today or call our resource center at 1-800-800-3222 where team members are ready to help anytime. That's 1-800-800-3222. And one quick note, Dr. Evans engages in insightful conversations with special guests on his Unbound podcast. You can listen to these discussions on a variety of topics anytime of the day or night. Find them on his YouTube channel or on your favorite podcast platform. No matter how hard we try to protect our kids, sooner or later, they'll come face to face with the world's value system and start feeling the pressure to conform to it. Be sure to tune in tomorrow as Dr. Evans talks about how we can get them prepared.