The Alternative

Dr. Tony Evans: You're not a second-rate citizen. In fact, you may not be missing out on all that.

Guest (Male): Dr. Tony Evans says unmarried believers ought to celebrate their singleness.

Dr. Tony Evans: God's value system is if you are the right kind of single, you are just fine.

Guest (Male): This is the alternative broadcast featuring the timeless biblical teachings from the archives of Dr. Tony Evans. Some singles believe that life without marriage is life without meaning. But today, Dr. Evans offers a different perspective, explaining why unmarried believers may find more purpose in pursuing a ministry instead of a mate. Let's listen.

Dr. Tony Evans: A lady had a furniture store, and in her furniture store, she had a few antique items. One was a large table that sat in the middle of the furniture store. She decided that she was going to sell the antique table that had a lot of worth and value to it. But she slashed the price down to $400 in order to sell it. A gentleman came into the store, and he saw this beautiful antique table. He said, I'll pay you $300 for that table. She says, no, I I can't sell it below $400. He said, but if if you're willing to sell it for 400, I'm sure you can let it go for 300.

She says, I don't think you understand. This table is worth a thousand. So for me to sell it for 400 is already a big break. I can't go below 400. I can't sell it to you for $300. I see a scratch on that table. I think you can get it down to $300. She said, I'm sorry, I can't sell it below four. He said, now, I'm getting ready to leave, but before I leave, I want you to think about it. And I want you really think hard when you sell me this when you think about selling me this table for $300.

Just think about it for a minute. She paused. She thought. She said, okay, I have thought about it, and I I will change my price. The table is now $600. He said, $600? Wait a minute. You just lowered it to four. I'm asking for three, and now you bump it up to six. She said, yes. She said, because the longer we talked about it, the more I understood it was worth. Every time I kept telling myself it was worth a thousand, it got bumped up $50 more. So the more you talked, the more value I felt.

And the more value I felt, the higher price I was willing to put on it. So he had to pay $600 to get a table that he was ignoring for $400 because this lady was reminded of its value. See, we have far too many single Christians who don't know their value. And so they're willing to reduce their value price and go cheap. When if they thought about it long enough and hard enough and more biblically, they would understand that God's view of singlehood is a lot different than the value that's been placed on it both by the world and unfortunately, I confess, by the church.

There is a major emphasis on marriage in the church as there ought to be. But not enough attention is given to what it means to be a kingdom single. So many of the church's programs are geared toward marriage couples because marriages are needing strengthening today. But the reality is in our country, in our world, and in our churches, we're dealing with a growing reality of an expanding population of single Christians. Some are single having never been married. Others are single now because of divorce or even because they are now widows. And yet Paul has not ignored this subject.

The Bible has not ignored this subject. And while many of you here are married, the fact is you many are raising children who are now single. And you will raise them until the time that they marry. And so you're going to have to deal with them in their teenage years and in their college years and sometime beyond as singles. And so even if you're married as a parent, you're going to have to say something to guide your single children. And so whether you're single or married, Paul's discussion here is going to be interesting. Chapter seven, most of the chapter is talking about singlehood of 1st Corinthians.

He talks about marriage, and he talks about singlehood, and he wants to give you God's view, that is a kingdom view of singlehood. Paul starts off wanting you to know something in verse 24. Brethren, each one is to remain with God in the condition in which he was called. Now that's going to introduce a discussion of singlehood and marriage. But what I want to catch your attention to as we get into this is he calls your condition, whether married or single, tied to a call. He says, I want you to remain with God in the state in which you were called.

Have you ever thought about your singlehood or the fact that you're married even as a calling? That is as a divinely ordained state, not just a physical relational state. He says, when you come to me called, I don't want you to arbitrarily try to switch states. In other words, I don't want you to reduce where I have you. I just want you to hang out with me in the state you're in. He says, with God. See, the problem is both in marriage and specifically with singlehood, we've defined those states without God. And because we've defined the states without God, the states become a problem.

Many Christian singles are missing out on the glory of singlehood hoping for marriage. Paul is going to make a big deal about marriage. Marriage is great, but he doesn't want singles to miss out on the blessing of being God's single. He says, with God. In other words, he doesn't want you just going out there just trying to find somebody and grab somebody and look for somebody and Google somebody and you know, go to the club and bump into somebody. He doesn't just want you to go out there to find a mate. Let me find a mate.

Let me find a mate. I got to get me somebody because if you just go out there to find a mate, you going to find some trouble. See, what the world does and the television does and entertainment does and your guy friends do and your girlfriend do is they make a bigger deal of it than God makes. So then you feel pressure to conform to the world because they've given a value system God does not have. God's value system, as you'll see in a moment, is that if you are the right kind of single, you are just fine.

You're not a second-rate citizen, a second-class citizen. And in fact, you may not be missing out on all that. Okay? Singles are missing out on living by spending time divided in a way God never meant for you to be divided. And therefore, the enemy is able to rip off your singlehood. When God made Adam, Adam didn't have a wife. He was a single, but he was totally occupied with God's purposes, and he was a fulfilled single. He wasn't running around saying, I'm 35, I'm not married yet because that just wasn't part of the plan for right now.

And I know sinners in in the world and their new challenges now, but what God is trying to say to you and me in this regard is that you are not to allow something that's not yours now to distract you from your primary focus if you want to be fulfilled. Some of you have heard me tell the story of Hank Aaron. Hank Aaron was baseball player for the Atlanta Braves and uh and the catcher that year when he was playing the Yankees was Yogi Berra. I used to be a catcher in high school, and one of the jobs of the catcher is to irritate the batter, to distract him.

You know, you you you make noise and so Yogi Berra said to Hank Aaron, the writing on your bat, every bat has an insignia, the writing on your bat is turned the wrong way cuz you're supposed to face the writing supposed to face you. And if you don't have the writing the right way, you can break the bat or reverberate with your hands. So you have to have the writing in the right way. So let's say it said Louisville Slugger on the bat. So he'd have it, and he said your the writing, the insignia on the bat is turned the wrong way.

Didn't even look at him, didn't pay attention to him. He kept looking at the pitcher cuz Yogi Berra was trying to distract him from paying attention to the pitcher. The next pitch that came down, Hank Aaron hits it over the center field fence for a home run. He runs around first, runs around second, runs around third, comes home, touches the home plate. He's on his way back to the dugout after hitting a home run. Hank Aaron stops, looks back at Yogi Berra, says uh hey Yogi, just thought you might want to know I ain't come here to read.

See, if you don't know what you hear for, you going to have a bunch of voices distracting you from God's purpose for your singlehood because he calls it a calling. You ought to look at your singlehood if you're single and married if you're married as not only a state that you're in, but a calling you ought to take advantage of. You ought to take advantage of it if you're single in an undistracted way. Here's the question every Christian single should ask. God, how do you want to use me in the state I'm in till you change my state for your maximum purpose?

That is the question every single Christian should ask and seek God's answer on because when God answers that question while the desire to be married will stay there, the domination of marriage won't be there because you will be undistracted. Many of us are distracted by bad relationships. We're distracted by the wrong girlfriends or guy friends in our lives. We're distracted by TV shows who make us feel bad. We are distracted, distracted, distracted. God can't get our attention, and as a result, we don't experience what God wants us to experience in the single phase of life.

During this time, you should be preparing yourself for whenever that day comes so that you are not only marry the right person, you are the right person to marry. Cuz what good is it if you find Mr. Right and you miss wrong? What what good is it if you have not become a better person because of your undistracted devotion? Now, have you ever been to a real pizzeria? I am talking about one run by the Italians. That's the real deal. You know, they take this water dough and then they begin to abuse it. They slam it down.

They take a rolling pin and mash it flat. They pick it up and spin it on their finger. Come on, I want the good stuff. I want the sauce, the cheese, the pepperoni, the sausage. I want the good stuff. But in a real pizzeria, you can't get the good stuff until the dough has been made ready to receive it. Okay? A lot of us want the good stuff when the dough has not been made ready to receive it. You know, suppose God wants to do something in you before he gives you someone. But because you're so distracted, he can't do what he wants to do in you, so you never get around to someone because the thing he wanted to do you so distracted over here, he can't lead you over there.

He says, I want to every single every Christian single undistracted devotion to the Lord. That is fulfilling your divinely ordained purpose. And every Christian has one. Every single Christian has one. God wants to use whatever he's given you undistracted. So don't let married folk distract you from being a maximized single cuz you are first class in God's point of view.

Guest (Male): Dr. Evans will have more for us when he continues our message in just a moment, including a thought about why singles ought to be the happiest people in the church. First though, I want to tell you about a resource we're offering to help you go deeper into what Tony has been teaching about today. The complete six-part series The Kingdom Family explores God's plan for the home and the biblical principles that can help husbands, wives, parents, singles, and every member of the family understand their role and purpose. We're offering all six full-length lessons on CD, USB flash drive, or instantly downloadable MP3s as our thank you gift when you make a contribution to support Tony's work here on the air.

And as a special added bonus, we're also including Dr. Evans One Family Under God paperback written to complement this series and address the foundational issues facing families today. This special offer won't be available much longer, so visit Tony Evans.org or call our resource center at 1-800-800-3222. Team members are standing by around the clock to help with your request. That's 1-800-800-3222. I'll have that contact information again after part two of today's lesson. Here's Tony.

Dr. Tony Evans: I was on the way to Memphis one year, and I was in this crowded airport at DFW airport. I was in the airport hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people. And like me, they're going somewhere. I'm going to Memphis. All of a sudden, I hear this Dr. Tony Evans, Dr. Tony Evans, will you pick up the red courtesy phone? So I go looking around for red courtesy phone. Find a red courtesy phone. It's my assistant. My assistant says, uh there have been a change in plans. I just got a call from the folks in Memphis.

They've rearranged some things, so you will not be flying out of that airport today for this comeback home because uh they've rearranged some things. I'm in a crowded airport with a lot of people, and I got a plan. My plan is to go to Memphis today. I got a plan. I'm I got my ticket. I'm on my way. But I get interrupted by a phone call. What was interesting is with all them people there, them folk call my name because I was personally being rerouted to another destination. What am I trying to say? I am trying to say God knows where you are, and he knows your name.

He knows when it's time to find you and reroute you. You focus on his plan. Keep going with the destination he has for you, and don't worry, you going to miss out on something cuz he knows how to find out where you are, what gate you're at, track you down, and call you by name when it's time for him to reroute you into another situation, another relationship, another opportunity, and another priority. God knows your name. But the problem is if you're not tuned into him, you won't hear him call your name on the loudspeaker. See, there a lot of singles.

God wants to call your name. He just can't get your attention cuz you fooling around with the folks you shouldn't be fooling around with. You seeking a wife or husband in the wrong places. You in a messed up situation. So you won't hear him if he calls or when he calls cuz you've been distracted in a way he tells you not to be distracted. He makes a statement in verse 37. I want to make a brief word about before we give our closing scripture. But he who stands firm in his heart being under no constraint, but has authority over his own will and is decided in his own heart to keep his own virgin daughter, he will do well.

Now, what's interesting is in your Bible, the word daughter should be italicized. That means it was not in the original text. They added it to try to finish out the sentence, to make the sentence make sense in English. And they added it because the word daughter is used earlier in the passage. Okay? But if you leave the word daughter off that's italicized in your Bible, it would say simply to keep his own virgin. So it could equally refer to a boyfriend-girlfriend kind of situation, not necessarily a daughter. If it's referring to a boyfriend-girlfriend situation, he says, if you're in a relationship and you're having trouble keeping your girl a virgin, in other words, things have gotten hot in the relationship, he says, marry her or break up with her, but don't mess her up.

Cuz see, we got a lot of girls being messed up, messed over. And then the guy disappears without marrying her. The concept of the virgin was the veil. And it goes back to the temple. In the temple, there was a veil that separated the holy place from the holy of holies. There was this veil that came down because the holy of holies was the private dwelling place of God. And there was a veil that hid that. So when the Bible talks about sex and talks about virgins and talks about uh women and talks about her body being the temple, when God created a woman, he created a veil.

He created a veil because to penetrate the veil is to penetrate the holiest place of all. See, it was designed to reflect the temple. So what God is saying is if you're in this relationship and you know you're not going to be able to keep it you not going to be able to keep from having sex, then you should marry her or you should not continue the relationship. But what you shouldn't do is jeopardize her. Why? Cuz then you're jeopardizing someone who's going to ultimately belong to somebody else. And you're not free to use her and mess over her and then desert her.

So he wants men, in particular this case, to take this very very seriously. Then he comes down in his final point and says a wife is bound to her husband as long as her husband lives. Verse 39 says, but if her husband dies, she is free to marry whomever she wishes only in the Lord. In other words, you're only supposed to marry another Christian. Now, we live in a day when folks are looking for soulmates. That's not the first mate you supposed to look for. You supposed to first look for a spirit mate. When the body gets old and the souls are in conflict, you better have the spirit left to hang on to.

If that's not there when the body fades and the soul is in conflict, there is nothing else to hold you together because there is no spiritual union intact. So he says, only in the Lord. That is only to another Christian. Now, he said a lot about fathers in this passage because in the Bible, it was the job of a father to cover the daughter from male predators. Okay? The guy supposed to know men, he is to protect the daughter from male predators. So he covered her and this this is where we get the passage we get permission of the father giving permission for his daughter to get married cuz he was to cover her.

Every woman is supposed to have a covering under natural way this should be her father, assuming her father is there and assuming her father is responsible taking responsibility for her well-being. But let's say you're a female, you don't have a father. Paul says in chapter four, verse 15, he says, I am your father. He says to the church, I am your father. So the church should act as a covering, particularly for single women, hold men responsible, but particularly for single women to make sure they're not ripped off by fools who can talk good, who will destroy their lives.

So ladies, when it's time for you to get married, find a father that is a spiritually responsible churchman if you don't have a biological one who's spiritual, who will make sure that that man understands his responsibility to cover you once you're released to him because a woman is supposed to be covered by a man, not abused by a man, not hit by a man, not cussed out by a man, not pushed around by a man, not miss being mistreated by a man. That's not what you are entering this into. And he needs to look in the eyes of another man who holds him accountable for his responsibility to the woman cuz you're not a a floor cloth to be walked on or used.

He says in verse 40, but in my judgment, opinion means judgment, she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think I also have the spirit of God. So watch this. He says that the happiest folk in church should be the singles. That's what he said. He said if she wants to get married, it's fine, just only in the Lord. But in my judgment, which is based on the spirit of God, he says, he said she is happier if she's single. So he says singleness is the happier position to be in.

Guest (Male): Dr. Tony Evans talking about what it means to become a kingdom single, part of his current six-part series called The Kingdom Family and in-depth look at God's original plan for life in the home. As I mentioned earlier, we're offering the complete Kingdom Family audio series on CD, USB flash drive, or digital download as our thank you gift when you make a contribution to support Tony's ministry. And for a limited time, we'll also include Dr. Evans One Family Under God paperback, a companion to the series that can help you understand the importance of family as God intended it, helping you put these biblical principles to work in your own home.

This special offer is available for a limited time, so make your request today at Tony Evans.org or let one of our team members help you when you call our resource center at 1-800-800-3222. That number again, 1-800-800-3222. The world works overtime to sell us its broken version of sexuality. But tomorrow, Dr. Evans confronts what our culture is saying with solid biblical truth as he brings us a message called Understanding Kingdom Sexuality. Be sure to join us.