Telling the Truth

Stuart Briscoe: The way that you respond to your husband is indicative of your attitude to the Lord. How in the world can that be? Because the husband, because he is the husband, has been given in the divine economy certain responsibilities in the marriage and the family.

And as he has been given these responsibilities, as you respond to him fulfilling those responsibilities, you are actually responding to the one who made him responsible. So the wife now is not simply responding to a tyrant because she has no option; she is now responding to somebody who, in his capacity as husband, has been invested with responsibility for which he is accountable to God.

Guest (Female): Up next on Telling the Truth, Stuart Briscoe shares the second part of a message on a verse of scripture that too often makes people a little uncomfortable: "Wives, submit to your husbands." But this verse actually paints a picture of something beautiful, as Stuart will show us coming up.

The generosity of friends like you keeps broadcasts like this one going out around the world so you and others can experience life through the biblical teaching and resources of Telling the Truth. As thanks for your gift today, we'll send you "8 Things That Make a Marriage Work," an insightful four-message series from Jill Briscoe about how you can build a long-lasting and fulfilled marriage founded on God's word.

So call today to request yours at 1-800-889-5388. That's 1-800-889-5388. Or you can give online at tellingthetruth.org. Back to Stuart's message, "Wives, Submit to Your Husbands."

Stuart Briscoe: So what is it you expect to see in your normal, average Christian? What would you expect to see? You'd expect to see two things: a loving attitude and a submissive spirit. Why? Because that was Jesus. Well, what's Jesus got to do with it? We, as dearly loved children, wish to emulate Him.

You say, "How in the world can you live in this world and in this situation and in my marriage in particular with a loving attitude and a submissive spirit?" And the answer is you can do it in the fullness of the Spirit. You do it in the fullness of the Spirit. So to get the context here, you don't start with wives submit to your husbands; you start with, as dearly loved children, be imitators of God.

What that means is, quite frankly, that you become more like Christ. What was Christ like? He was loving. How did he demonstrate his love? By submitting to the will of God and sacrificially giving himself on the cross. All right, emulate his example. You say, "I can't." Oh, yes, you can, in the fullness of the Spirit.

And if you're living in the fullness of the Spirit, this is what will be showing: your speaking, and your singing, and your thanksgiving, and your submitting. Submitting to who? One another. That's what Christians do. It's normative Christianity. Now, in that normative Christian environment, some Christians decide to get married. Guess what they bring into their marriage? Christian attitudes.

What are Christian attitudes? Loving and submitting. So how does it work out in a different culture? Well, it doesn't matter what the culture is; you'll find the same things are operative there. In the fullness of the Spirit, there will be loving, and submitting, and sacrificial giving to each other. And the wives particularly have to focus on the submitting, as the husbands particularly focus on the loving.

You see, the scissors need two sides. So much then for the context of Paul's teaching on marriage. Now let's look quickly at the content of Paul's teaching on marriage. The content. Notice again in chapter 5, verse 22, "Wives, submit to your husbands" is not what it says. What it actually says is, "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord."

Now, why do I stress that? I stress that for a very obvious reason. When the women who are sitting in the church in Ephesus discovered that Paul is actually addressing them, they can't believe that for a start off. "Wow, he thinks we're smart enough to understand what he's talking about." They never did that to us before.

They just parked us in a corner and we just sat and chatted and talked with the kids there. And all the men did all the religious stuff. Now he's actually writing to us! It's wonderful. But you know what he just said? He said, "Wives, submit." They said, "Huh, nothing new there. That's all we've ever done. Never had any options. I mean, this guy who runs our household, boy, if you stepped out of line, you were in big, big trouble."

"No big difference here, wives submit." But you see, he didn't say, "Wives, submit to your husbands." He said, "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord." And their ears pricked up at that. They said, "Submit to your husband as to the Lord? Does Paul think my husband looks like the Lord?" No woman has ever confused her husband and the Lord. It has never, ever happened. Jill got close on one occasion.

No. What does it mean then? What it means is this: that wives, you don't submit to your husbands—this is the Greco-Roman culture—wives, you don't submit to your husband because he's an old tyrant and you've no option. You now submit to your husband because in the way that you respond to your husband, you are indicating your attitude to the Lord.

What? The way that you respond to your husband is indicative of your attitude to the Lord. How in the world can that happen? Because the husband, because he is the husband, has been given in the divine economy certain responsibilities in the marriage and the family. And as he has been given these responsibilities, as you respond to him fulfilling those responsibilities, you are actually responding to the one who made him responsible.

So the wife now is not simply responding to a tyrant because she has no option; she is now responding to somebody who, in his capacity as husband, has been invested with responsibility for which he is accountable to God. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. Puts a different slant on it, doesn't it? Notice that I've been saying responsibility rather than authority.

A little more about this in a minute, but you've got to understand this: that when Paul writes about husbands and wives in marriage, he only uses the word authority once. And he uses it in this sense: the husband does not have authority over his own body and the wife doesn't have authority over hers. He is not saying the husband is the authority figure who rules the roost and women better submit.

He doesn't say that. And the idea of her submitting to his headship, as we'll see in a moment, is not so much he is the ultimate authority because he is a man and she is a woman. See if I can illustrate this for you. In the Marines, you know, we used to say you don't salute the man, you salute the uniform. Same with the President of the United States of America.

You might not like the man, but he is the President, whether you like it or not, and he's your President, whether you like it or not. And so you don't salute the man, you salute the uniform. In actual fact, a man can function in entirely different situations. When I was in the Marines, I played rugby for the Marines. I was the only non-commissioned rank on the team.

The other 14 were all officers, and I had a non-commissioned rank because I was only in for a short period of time. But the interesting thing about it was this: whilst all the others had superior rank to me, I played standoff half, which was equivalent of quarterback. It was wonderful. So I got the ball first. It would come to me all the time.

I had four options: I could pass left, I could pass right, I could keep it and go ahead with it, or I could kick. Now I had 14 officers yelling and shouting at me, telling me what to do all around me. And I used to ignore them with impunity. The guy who played right next to me was the adjutant. He was number two behind the commanding officer.

And he would yell and scream and shout for the ball, and I would grin at him and pass it the other way. And I loved it. When I got on parade the next morning, it was an entirely different matter. I was the same man, he was the same man, but in his position there was a different role being played.

It isn't that men are superior and women are inferior; it's in the economy of God in a marriage, a husband has been invested by God with responsibility and the wife recognizes it and responds to it. She submits to her husband as to the Lord.

Guest (Female): Stuart Briscoe on today's Telling the Truth, with the message "Wives, Submit to Your Husbands." He's coming right back to talk about the place God should have when submitting in marriage. But first, here's a note from Claire who says, "I listen to Telling the Truth daily. The resources provided by Telling the Truth have drawn me closer to Jesus. Thank you."

Thank you as well, Claire. That's the kind of encouragement your support today will bring to more people around the world as you help share the teaching and resources of Telling the Truth so others can experience life in Christ. And we'd like to encourage you this month with a wonderful four-message series from Jill Briscoe called "8 Things That Make a Marriage Work," as well as a beautiful printed Bible verse about marriage.

In her series, Jill Briscoe teaches eight biblical keys to a healthy, life-giving marriage and shares her own insight from her 60 years of marriage to Stuart. We'll send you "8 Things That Make a Marriage Work" and the Bible verse print as thanks for your gift today to help more people experience life in Christ through the teaching resources of Telling the Truth.

Your support enables countless people across the globe to stand strong in the unchanging truth of scripture. And we're so grateful for friends like you. Request your copy of "8 Things That Make a Marriage Work" when you call 1-800-889-5388. That's 1-800-889-5388. Or give online at tellingthetruth.org. Now let's hear more from Stuart.

Stuart Briscoe: Now, the women who hear this, they won't even question it. They say, "Hey, so what's new? You know, that's what we've spent our life being submissive around here." The Apostle Paul has said, "No, no, no. No, you've got to understand something. You're fundamentally equal with those men. You're fundamentally equal with them. You're both made in image of God."

"You're both redeemed sinners. You're both indwelt by the Holy Spirit. But what you've got to understand is this: that as a man and a woman, you are fundamentally equal, but the husband has been given responsibility delegated by God, and you need to recognize it." Now of course, the Apostle Paul understands that the women that he's writing to won't question it.

But he also knows that this letter will find its way into the Bible and be read 2,000 years later in America. And now that's an entirely different situation because the Greco-Roman women in the first century won't say, "Why should I submit to my husband?" But he knows perfectly well that 21st-century American women will. They'll say, "Why should I submit to him?"

And so he gives us the answer here, not for the folks he's writing to, it's for us today. What's the answer? Why should I submit to him? Answer: because the husband is the head of the wife. That's why. The husband is the head of the wife. Notice what it doesn't say. It doesn't say the husband is the head of the family. And it doesn't say the husband is the head of the house.

Never does say that. Because he isn't. The husband is the head of the wife. Now, a lot of women have got the idea the husband is supposed to be the head of the family and that means he says grace, and he leads the children in devotions, and a lot of women get very frustrated because the husbands won't do it when they're better equipped to do it than the men are.

It doesn't say he's the head of the family. Doesn't say he's the head in the house. It says he's the head of the wife. But the big question is, what in the world does that mean? Well, it isn't left up for grabs. The husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. Now then, that helps us. In what way is Christ the head of the church?

Now this is where it gets really tricky. The Greek word for head is kephale. Kephale, like many words in many languages, has different shades of meaning. It can mean the head in terms of authority. Or it can mean head in the terms of headwaters. In fact, Jill and I were in Uganda near the headwaters of the Nile. So the head can be an authority figure or a source of supply.

And theologians have been arguing this forever. We don't need to get into the argument because if you look in Ephesians, you'll find that in Ephesians chapter 1, the word head relating to Christ and the church seems to convey the idea of Him ruling and being in authority. But in chapter 4, it seems to convey the idea of Christ being the headwaters or the source of supply.

And so this is how I would try and put it together for you: that it isn't an either/or thing, that the husband, not by virtue of being a man, but by virtue of being a husband, in a marital situation has been invested by God with responsibility to oversee the well-being of the wife. And in overseeing the well-being of the wife, he is responsible to God to see that through him flows all that is necessary for her to be all that she was created and redeemed to be.

Let me ask you a question, ladies. Don't shout out the answer. If you were married to a man who took seriously the fact that, having decided to be married because no one put a gun to his head—he had all the world to choose from and he chose you—having chosen to be married to you, he now recognizes that in choosing to be married, God joined the two of you together.

And in joining the two of you together as Christians, you understand that Christians are known for their love and their submissive attitude, and that he brought that into the marriage and you brought that into the marriage, and you've nurtured it over the years. But as you've matured in your marriage, you've understood something: that he has a particular role to play, and it is this: to accept from God the responsibility of caring for and overseeing your well-being so that you have every opportunity to be all that God created you and redeemed you to be.

Here's the question: if you're in a marriage like that, wouldn't you go along with that? Wouldn't you say, "Sounds good to me? Sounds good to me. I'm going to cooperate with him. I'm going to partner with him. I'm going to make absolutely certain that he has every chance to do what God has told him to do. He is going to find somebody 100% on his side."

There's one word for that: it's called submitting. Submitting. What a shame it is that there's been such a misunderstanding of what Paul is saying so that in some areas men use this verse to basically rule the roost and dominate their wives and threaten their possibilities of them being all they're intended to be for purely selfish male reasons.

And on the other hand, what a tragedy it is that sometimes there are women who show little interest in discovering all that God has made them to be because they think if they do, they might take some risks that they'd rather not risk taking. Three things we need to consent to. Husband and wife need to consent to basic Christian principles of love and submission.

Go home, husbands and wives, and ask yourselves: "Are we agreed on this? That Christians are dearly loved by God and as such seek to imitate God. And they do it by becoming more like Christ, who loved and submitted and gave himself up. Is that our fundamental attitude in general?" Then say, "And do we consent to the fact that this is only possible in the fullness of the Spirit?"

So we will encourage each other to discover more and more of life in the fullness of the Spirit. And will we consent to this? That the husband consents to the responsibility of loving his wife and the wife happily submits to it and deeply respects her husband for it. That's my understanding of what Paul is saying.

Guest (Female): Love and submission to each other and God. Stuart Briscoe on today's Telling the Truth with the message "Wives, Submit to Your Husbands." We'll come back in a moment to hear what Stuart had to say about how this worked in his own marriage. Whether you're already married or plan to get married someday, you'll want to know how to build a marriage that's not only long-lasting but also joy-filled.

That's why we'd love to send you Jill Briscoe's four-message series, "8 Things That Make a Marriage Work," as thanks for your gift of support this month. In it, Jill shares timeless truth on marriage from the Bible, along with practical day-to-day advice from her own marriage to Stuart. You'll find that Jill's wit and wisdom make this series a fun and encouraging listen that's sure to encourage you at whatever stage of marriage you find yourself.

And as extra thanks for your gift today, we'll also send you a beautifully printed Bible verse about marriage to encourage you each day. Through your generous gift today, you'll help more people experience abundant life in Christ through the unchanging truth of God's word, as you make it possible for Telling the Truth broadcasts like this one to continue going out across the globe.

So be sure to request your copy of "8 Things That Make a Marriage Work" when you give a gift today. Call 1-800-889-5388. That's 1-800-889-5388. Or give online at tellingthetruth.org. Now, here's Stuart to answer a couple of questions about today's message. Stuart, in your marriage, how do you and Jill submit to each other?

Stuart Briscoe: I think perhaps the easiest way of describing this idea of how Jill and I submit to each other is to say that both Jill and I recognize that both of us have strength and both of us have weaknesses. And now that we have come together, we have found that in many ways our strengths and our weaknesses sort of balance out.

Now, what I mean by that is this: that where I am weak, Jill very often is strong, and vice versa. Now it seems to me that if I recognize that I am weak in certain areas, it would be ridiculous for me to think that I should be in charge of that particular area when I fully recognize that Jill is much more capable, much more mature, and much more gifted in that area.

So I would submit to her in that area. Conversely, if she recognizes a weakness in her abilities and a corresponding strength in mine, then it would be obvious that I would take charge in that area. And we have worked on this for over 50 years now, and we're still together.

Guest (Female): Stuart, what would you say to couples who battle their own selfishness and each other? How do they start to turn things around?

Stuart Briscoe: Well, this battle about selfishness is an ongoing battle, isn't it? And one of the great areas in which we find the reality of our selfishness and the need to deal with it is in the area of marriage and family. And I would say that when people are consumed by their own selfishness, they will probably eventually have to admit that their own selfishness is creating a situation that is very, very unpleasant—that they are extremely unhappy in that situation.

And so I would say to them, being the selfish person that you are—and that's not necessarily a criticism, it's just a reality, we're all selfish—but given the selfish person that you are, has it not occurred to you that it would be in your best interest to stop being unhappy and to stop being in conflict? And can't you see that the reason for it is your selfishness? So channel your selfishness in a slightly different way. And if you can't do it for any other reason, stop being selfish because selfishly it'll make your experience happier. Try that approach.

Guest (Female): Such wise words and insight from Stuart. We hope today's message encouraged you. Before we go, remember that when you give today to help keep Telling the Truth broadcasts like this one going out around the world, we'll send you "8 Things That Make a Marriage Work," Jill's four-message series all about how you can build a strong, fulfilling marriage that stands the test of time.

So call now to give and remember to request "8 Things That Make a Marriage Work," along with the Bible verse print on marriage with our thanks. 1-800-889-5388. 1-800-889-5388. Or you can give online at tellingthetruth.org. We're glad you were with us today. Come back again tomorrow to hear Stuart answer the question, "What does love look like in marriage?" That's tomorrow here on Telling the Truth.