Telling the Truth

Guest (Female): Are you loving your spouse well? Today on Telling the Truth, Stuart Briscoe's message talks about the passage in Ephesians where Paul urges husbands to love their wives. What does that love look like? Stuart shows you in just a moment.

Guest (Male): If you want a strong and lasting marriage, the best place to look for guidance is the creator of marriage itself, God. We want to help you build a healthy and fulfilling marriage by sending you Jill Briscoe's series, Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work.

We'll send you this resource along with a beautiful Bible verse print as thanks for your gift today to help others experience life in Christ. So call today to request your copy of this powerful four-message series, 1-800-889-5388. That's 1-800-889-5388. Or you can give online at tellingthetruth.org. Now, here's Stuart with the message, "Husbands, Love Your Wives."

Stuart Briscoe: We're going to turn now to the scriptures and particularly Ephesians chapter five again. For the last two weeks, we've been looking into this passage of scripture with you to refresh our minds on the biblical teaching of marriage and family.

We reminded ourselves that this letter in the scriptures was a letter to a church in the city of Ephesus. It was written in the first Christian century, about 2,000 years ago. It was written to people living in what we call the Greco-Roman culture.

This is important to remember because the culture in which they were living and the norms of that culture differed dramatically from the culture in which we live and the norms that we are used to. The task of a biblical expositor or Bible teacher is to try to dig out from the scripture an understanding of what the original author intended and what the original readers would understand.

To get out of that the basic principles and then make application of them to a dramatically changing culture such as the one in which we live thousands of miles away. There are eternal principles in scripture, but they are couched in cultural terms.

Now, to summarize the Christian culture as far as marriage is concerned that Paul outlines here, let me just remind you of three things. I'll remind you of two of them and introduce you to a third one. We have to understand what the scripture is saying about headship, and we spent time talking about that.

We need to understand what the scripture means by submission. We don't just shuck these things off and say, "I don't want to talk about that; I don't believe all that." We need to understand what is being said there.

Then thirdly, we need to understand what the scripture says about love because my study of this suggests to me that understanding headship, submission, and love is the essence of understanding what the Bible is teaching about relationships in marriage.

The reason we mention love is very obvious when we turn to verse 25, where Paul begins to address the husbands. This is what he says: "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless."

In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. Are you getting the message? Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church. Husbands, love your wives as you love your own body. Husbands, love your wives as you love yourselves.

It's all about love, love, love, love. You don't need to be an ardent Bible student to get the message that comes through loud and clear. Now, what is surprising about that is that Paul, having addressed the women and said to them in the context of submitting one to another as unto the Lord, "wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord," having said that, we would assume that having told the wives to submit, the apostle Paul would then turn to the husbands and say, "Okay guys, I got them all submitted now. Now you run the show. Now you rule. Now you control. Now you direct. Now you be in charge. Now you exercise authority."

That would seem to be the obvious corollary to "wives submit." He does not say that. And that is why we have to look very carefully at what he means by submitting. What does he say? He says wives submit, but husbands love your wives.

Now, that is a very different issue. It shouldn't surprise us altogether actually, because I tell you why. If you read your Bible at all, you will notice that one of the great themes of the Bible is we are to love the Lord our God with all our heart and mind and soul and strength. We all know that.

We also know that the Bible says we are to love our neighbor as ourselves. We know that. In addition to that, Jesus comes along and says, "Now love your enemies." And of course, as Paul teaches the Christians, he says that the thing that is going to characterize life in the Christian community is love.

There shouldn't be a surprise here that if you've got guys who are calling themselves Christians and they're learning to love God and learning to love their neighbors, they might even get around occasionally to not clobbering their enemies, maybe not loving them, and actually getting around to loving other people in the Christian community. It shouldn't be too much of a stretch for them to say, "You know, I'm supposed to be a loving person too."

In the context of the person who is my nearest neighbor, and who's that? I guess it's my wife. So says the apostle Paul, "Wives submit to your husband, but husbands love your wives." And the problem is we talk about love and we don't know what it is. Fortunately, the scriptures don't leave it up for grabs.

Husbands, love your wives, listen, as Christ loved the church. You say that's not clear enough for me; that's spiritualizing the whole thing. Tell me what it really means. All right. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church, listen, and gave himself up for her.

There you've got it. Christ loved the church. How do we know he loved the church? He gave himself up for her. How do we know he gave himself up for the church? He gave himself up for the church on the cross.

The symbol of Christianity, the symbol you'll see in churches, the symbol you'll see around the necks of Christians and many people who aren't Christians, is the symbol of the cross. What is that all about? It is all about the self-sacrifice of Jesus by which men and women are reconciled to God, are brought into the experience of redemption, are indwelt by the Holy Spirit, have the forgiveness of sins, receive the gift of eternal life, and are bound for eternity, are baptized into the community of faith, become members of the church, and know that one day they'll be part of a glorious church around the throne of God out of every kindred and tongue and tribe and nation, and it's all because of the cross.

And the apostle Paul takes that dramatic picture and he applies it to husbands and he says, "Husbands, take a good long hard look at the love of Christ manifested on the cross, and that's how you treat your wife: self-sacrificial love." And I'll tell you what, guys, that doesn't come naturally to men, and I know because I am one. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

Guest (Male): This is Telling the Truth, the broadcast teaching ministry of Stuart and Jill Briscoe. Today, Stuart's message is looking at a familiar and somewhat controversial passage in Ephesians about the responsibilities of men in marriage. We'll be back with more in just a moment.

One question we often hear from Telling the Truth listeners is, "What's the Bible's secret to a long, happy marriage?" Over their years of ministry, Stuart and Jill Briscoe have both had a lot to say about this question. After all, they had the biblical wisdom and real-life experience over 60 years of marriage to back it up.

And in Jill's four-message series called Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work, she shares timeless truth on marriage from the Bible along with practical day-to-day advice from her own marriage to Stuart. We want to help you build a marriage that stands the test of time as you apply biblical truth to help your marriage not only survive but thrive.

That's why we're excited to send you Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work, as well as a beautifully designed print featuring a Bible verse on marriage as our thanks for your gift today. Your gift will help keep sharing the life-changing truth of God's love with people around the world through the resources and teaching of Telling the Truth.

So call today to request Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work when you give: 1-800-889-5388. That's 1-800-889-5388. Or you can give online at tellingthetruth.org. Now, let's hear more from Stuart Briscoe.

Stuart Briscoe: Men, I'll tell you what to do sometime: ask yourself a question. When did I last voluntarily sacrifice something dear to me for the sake of my wife? You might find it quite challenging, and it's a perfectly appropriate question to ask.

You see, our marriages in this culture are in a disastrous state. But I promise you something: marriages in this culture would not be in a disastrous state if they were lived God's way. Christ gave himself for the church intentionally and purposefully.

It goes on to say this: Christ loved the church, gave himself up for her—I'm in verse 26 now—to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word and to present her to himself as a radiant church.

What it's saying here is this: the sacrifice of Christ was intentional. It was purposeful. He was doing it for a reason. In the same way, husbands love your wives intentionally and purposefully.

What was the intention of Christ in dying for the church? What he had in mind was not little groups of people who squabble and people who go to a church for so long until they get fed up or the pastor leaves and then they pack it in and go someplace else. Not hopping and shopping around churches. No.

He died in order that he would eventually produce out of every kindred and tongue and tribe and nation something that would transcend all human barriers throughout human history, and it would be a perfect church. That's why he died, and it's not going to happen until we gather around the throne in eternity.

But by the same token, husbands be intentional and purposeful in your sacrificial love. And what's the intention and what's the purpose? That I might be as Christ is to the church: working to bring the church to her fullness and completion.

That I as a husband might be for my wife an agent whereby she is allowed to come to a point of fullness and completion and be all that God intended her to be. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her that she might become a radiant church.

Husbands, love your wives. He goes on to say this: "In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies." That's interesting. You remember we noticed that the husband is the head of the wife, remember?

What does a head need? A body. What does a body need? A head. What good is a headless body? No good. What good is a bodiless head? No good. What do heads and bodies need? Each other. Husbands, love your wives as your own body. If you see yourself as the head, you better see her as the body.

Nothing to do with subservience, nothing to do with inferiority, everything to do with mutual interrelatedness and mutual total dependence. Utterly indispensable to each other. You know what the problem is very often, men? We are very, very happy doing our own thing, going our own way until something comes along. "Where's the little woman? We need the little woman. Come along, little woman, where are you?"

And then the little woman has done her thing and then we get back to being the macho man again, doing our thing. What's that got to do with loving your wife like your body because you're the head? Very little understanding of being mutually indispensable.

But not only that, husbands ought to love their wives as their own body. Listen: "He who loves his wife loves himself." He who loves his wife loves himself. Why? Why does he love himself? Why does he love his wife as if he's loving himself? Because they're inextricably bound up in each other. But also because he understands something.

And what he understands is this: if it is true that he loves himself and he should love his neighbor as himself, then it's perfectly obvious that his wife is his closest neighbor. Historically and biblically, we've had two great commandments. Recently, relatively recent years, psychologists found a third one, not to do with the Bible.

Historically and biblically, the first command is thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart and mind and soul and strength. The second command is thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. The third command that psychologists have found is thou shalt learn to love thyself.

And now the big deal that I hear all the time is this: "Well, I can't love my neighbor because I haven't yet learned to love myself, and so I'm working on loving myself." Now, I understand about self-hatred, and I understand about real guilt and false guilt, and I understand about nurture and nature and all the garbage that people get and how screwed up they get about thinking about themselves. But to say that there are three commands, that you've got to learn to love yourself before you love your neighbor, is sheer baloney. If you really want to know what I think about it, I'll tell you later.

Because what the Bible is pointing out to us is something we all know, and that is that all of us are innately, innately, inherently absorbed with ourselves as a prime concern. So there we are, particularly men.

And if I am inherently, innately regarding myself as a prime concern, I might actually begin to grow up through the ministry of grace in my life and actually get the strange idea that other people might be as important as I am. And then I begin to love my neighbor as I love myself.

So men, love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Love your wife as a man loves his body, as a head would love the body as recognizing her as being utterly indispensable. And then love your wife as you love yourself, regarding yourself innately and inherently as a prime importance and begin to see her in exactly the same light.

So idealistic. I don't dispute it's idealistic. But let me tell you something: you need ideals because if you ignore ideals, you'll settle for that which is unacceptable and call it real. And here's the ideal. But you see, scripture isn't just talking ideals. It is presenting us with truth and then saying, "Here's the truth and here's the means to do it."

For this is lived, listen, in the fullness of the spirit. This is all dependent on living in the fullness of the spirit. So wives submit to your husband as to the Lord in the context of us all being submitted to each other. And husbands love your wives. Love and submission are actually basically the same thing. It's just submitting one to the other because we regard the other as of prime importance.

Guest (Male): Do you find yourself submitting to one another in your marriage? Stuart Briscoe shared some wisdom he learned after being married to Jill for more than 60 years. More from him in just a moment.

God has given you the secrets to a long-lasting and joy-filled marriage, and they're found throughout the pages of scripture. We want to help you mine the treasures of God's word so that you can grow your marriage God's way.

That's why we're excited to send you Jill Briscoe's four-message series, Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work. This powerful series will breathe new life into your marriage as you learn to anchor your relationship to God's truth.

We'll send you Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work along with a special design print featuring a Bible verse on marriage as thanks for your gift this month to keep sharing the teaching and resources of Telling the Truth with so many around the world. Generous friends like you keep broadcasts like this one going, reaching others with God's healing love so they can experience life in Christ.

If you haven't given before, consider a gift today to help keep God's word going out to you and many others. And remember to request Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work and your Bible verse print when you call and give. Just call 1-800-889-5388. 1-800-889-5388. Or you can give online when you visit tellingthetruth.org. And now, here are some of Stuart's thoughts about today's message.

Stuart, talk about a time when you voluntarily sacrificed something for Jill's sake. How did you get yourself out of the way?

Stuart Briscoe: Well, it's a little difficult for me to answer that, not because I can't think of an example, but it would sound a little bit like tooting my own horn if I now talk about how I voluntarily sacrifice things for Jill's sake. So let me see if I can answer the question for you this way.

I would say that one of the very practical aspects of our marriage has been that Jill and I both respect each other. We respect each other's weaknesses; we respect each other's strengths. And we have found that as we respect each other, we will have slightly different ways of doing things, but we'll recognize that the other person clearly has a tendency to be right in certain areas and better in certain areas.

And that being the case, we are increasingly willing to back out of that situation and say, "You know better. You go for it. You are able to handle this situation more appropriately. You go for it." And that way we get out of the way. So rather than giving you one particular instance, I would say it is a fundamental attitude that both of us have.

Guest (Male): Stuart, what can a couple do to make their marriage different from the cultural norm?

Stuart Briscoe: There are lots of things that a couple can do to make their marriage different from the cultural norm. One of the very obvious ways they can do it is by staying married. The cultural norm seems to be that a higher and higher percentage of people are saying, "Well, we have problems and because we have problems, we're not happy, and we don't want to be unhappy, so we've decided just to split."

A very different approach would be: there's no question that we're having difficulties and that we are unhappy, but by the same token, we also recognize that we are intended to be maturing people and therefore we think we should be buckling down and working on this thing and growing in this experience. That would be against the cultural norm.

Another way would be simply to stay faithful to each other. That goes against much of our cultural norm, I'm afraid. And people have opportunities to be unfaithful. Well, if they say no in the power of the spirit of God in obedience to God's commands, that would be different from the cultural norm.

Guest (Male): Great stuff from Stuart Briscoe. Before we go, we want to remind you this month, when you give to continue sharing God's word through Telling the Truth broadcasts like this one, we'll send you Jill Briscoe's four-message series, Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work, along with a Bible verse print about marriage.

This powerful series will encourage you with eight biblical keys to a healthy, life-giving marriage. So please request your copy when you call 1-800-889-5388. 1-800-889-5388. Or you can give online when you visit tellingthetruth.org. Thanks for joining us today on Telling the Truth. Come back again next week for more biblical truth to help you experience life. Have a great weekend.