Telling the Truth

Guest (Male): Marriage isn't always easy, but God created it for your benefit. Today, we'll hear part two of Stuart's message looking at God's incredible design for marriage: taking two people and making them one.

The generosity of friends like you keeps broadcasts like this one going out around the world, so you and others can experience life through the biblical teaching and resources of Telling the Truth. As thanks for your gift today, we'll send you *Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work*, an insightful four-message series from Jill Briscoe about how you can build a long-lasting and fulfilling marriage founded on God's word.

Call today to request yours: 1-800-889-5388. That's 1-800-889-5388. Or you can give online at tellingthetruth.org. Now, here's Stuart's message, God's Design for Marriage.

Stuart Briscoe: Now, what's the problem? He's got mad, she's in tears, and all they've said so far is that he has a headache. There are two problems, actually. The first problem is he is a man. And the second even bigger problem is that she is a woman. It means this: that a woman by nature is a nurturer. She is an empathizer. She is a relater.

When he says, "I have a headache," immediately empathy, relationships, nurturing takes over. How does she do it? By explaining to him, in effect, "I know exactly how you feel." Men are competitors, so when he says, "I have a headache," and she says, "I have a migraine," he says, "I can't even have a common-or-garden headache without her having a bigger-better-grander headache."

He gets irritated and she gets upset. You can probably think of your own marriage, and you can probably think of misunderstandings like that. Try it turned around the other way. Wife says, "I've got a splitting headache." He says, "Take a couple of aspirins." And she says, "Do you think I am such an idiot that I don't know to take a couple of aspirins?" And he says, "Good night, what sparked that off?"

What sparked that off is he is a man and she is a woman. It's not terribly complicated. The situation as far as a man is concerned is that life is a series of problems to be fixed. Are you with me? "I have a headache." Easy: take two aspirins. Next!

Is she thinking of life as a series of problems to be fixed? No. What is she thinking? She is thinking life is all about needs that need to be met. "I have a terrible need here for a little tender, loving care." And what did I get? "Take two aspirins." You get my drift?

This is just touching on the surface of the thing. You see the point here. From the beginning of creation, marriage is a creation ordinance, a divine principle. God created male and female. Gender and sexuality are intentional constructs that God has granted to us for our wellbeing.

Moving right along. At the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother. This has particular cultural connotations for the day in which Jesus lived, in the culture in which he lived.

It was perfectly normal in those days when a couple got married for the man to leave his ancestral home and go to live in the ancestral home of the wife. The reason for this being social security had not been invented. It had not run out of funds either. I just tried to be topical there.

It had not been invented, so what happens if a young wife suddenly is a widow and there's no support for her at all? There is lots of support for her in her father's house, in her father's brothers', her uncles' house, in her brothers' homes. When a guy was getting married in those days, what he had to consider was this: "Am I so committed to this woman that I am prepared to walk away from other things that have been critically important to me because she is now the center of my attention?"

That's what he had to decide. People getting married have to decide. Many of them don't, so that two years later, what do we hear? "We're breaking up." "Why?" "He doesn't want to be married anymore."

It's amazing the sheer trivialities of the reasons that people break up in their marriages in this day and age. Sheer triviality, so often. That is not to suggest there aren't serious problems in other situations.

The underlying problem is this: they have not recognized right from the very beginning there is a principle here. The principle of marriage as God ordained it is, number one, it's my idea, not yours. Number two, gender and sexuality are something I have intentionally created different for your good. And number three, marriage requires sacrifice. Marriage requires sacrifice.

I had a couple who were getting married shortly after I came as pastor to Elmbrook Church, and it was really funny if it hadn't been so sad. They came to me for premarital counseling. It was obvious they'd had a fight on the way over. She was in tears and he was looking like thunder.

I knew this had to be handled very sensitively. I said, "Had a fight, huh?" I could have wagged the finger at them, but I just came gently. I said, "Had a fight, huh?" She burst into tears again. He says, "No."

I said, "Come on, you did, and I'm thrilled you did. Everybody in marriage is going to have a fight sooner or later. The thing is you've got to find out what the rules are. In my premarital counseling, I welcome a fight so we can examine this thing. If you didn't have one, I would precipitate one just so that we could work on it together."

That's what we did. This one didn't need any precipitation, I can promise you. She said to me, "You won't believe what he just told me on the way over here tonight. You will not believe it." I said, "Young lady, I promise you, I will." I looked at him and I said, "I believe you. You haven't told me yet, but I believe it. Go ahead."

She said he was just telling her that ever since he was a little boy, he's never missed deer hunting. He's just told me that our wedding day is the first day of deer hunting. Since he's never missed deer hunting, he expects us to spend our honeymoon deer hunting.

Guest (Male): You're hearing from Stuart Briscoe on Telling the Truth. We'll be right back with more biblical wisdom on what God wants for your marriage. Before we dive back into Stuart's teaching, we want to share this note sent in by Joel, an online listener who shares, "Stuart helped me understand the true meaning of walking with our Lord. Jill has an amazing way to explain the peace we gain with following our Lord. Thanks, Jill."

The kind of encouragement your support today will bring to more people around the world as you help share the teaching and resources of Telling the Truth so others can experience life in Christ. We'd like to encourage you this month with a wonderful four-message series from Jill Briscoe called *Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work*, as well as a beautiful printed Bible verse about marriage.

In her series, Jill Briscoe teaches eight biblical keys to a healthy, life-giving marriage and shares her own insights from her 60 years of marriage to Stuart. We'll send you *Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work* and the Bible verse print as thanks for your gift today to help more people experience life in Christ through the teaching resources of Telling the Truth.

Your support enables countless people across the globe to stand strong in the unchanging truth of Scripture, and we're so grateful for friends like you. Request your copy of *Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work* when you call 1-800-889-5388. That's 1-800-889-5388. Or give online at tellingthetruth.org. All right, it's time to get back to today's message from Stuart, God's Design for Marriage.

Stuart Briscoe: I told her I'd believe anything, but this stretched my credulity. I really hadn't understood that deer hunting is the state religion in Wisconsin. The state closes down for deer hunting, and grown men put on orange suits, heavily armed, go off into the wild blue yonder, saying, "If we don't kill these deer, they'll die."

I understand it now. It clicked. It took 40 years, but I understand. I looked with incredulity at this young man, and he said, "I go to the symphony with her." I said, "I've got it." I said to the young lady, "You like classical music, do you?" She said, "Yes."

I've got an idea. Since he's always gone deer hunting and it just happens to coincide with your wedding day, why don't you just go deer hunting with him and sit up there in the woods and play Beethoven? He said, "It'll frighten the deer away." I said, "Okay, well, come on, we won't give up that easily. You like classical music, you like shooting things. Okay, this is what you could do. Why don't you go to the symphony and take your gun?"

She burst into tears all over again. We were gradually getting somewhere. Eventually, she stopped crying and he loosened up a little bit, and they began to laugh at themselves. They realized how incredibly immature and selfish—there's the word, selfish—they were.

If you don't remember anything else I tell you, remember this: selfishness is the deathly enemy of marriage. Selfishness is the deathly enemy of marriage. There has to be a willing to leave because now I genuinely believe I have met my better half, and hopefully, she believes the same.

These are the foundations of marriage. From the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife. Here is the fourth principle: marriage requires commitment intended to last. Marriage requires commitment intended to last.

I happened to see an interview with Mrs. Jenny Sanford, who was married to the governor of South Carolina who went on the Appalachian Trail but got lost and finished up in Argentina. You remember, his sense of direction was a little off. She says that when they were in premarital counseling and they were going through the vows that they were going to make with each other, he took out a pen and crossed out that he would commit to being sexually faithful.

She married him anyway. Talk about a red flag. Could you imagine a guy doing that? He did it, and at least he was consistent. If there isn't right from the very beginning an intentional commitment to this one in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, richer or poorer, till death do us part, that marriage will start out on very shaky ground.

I fully understand that there are circumstances under which, and because the context tells us this, under which God does allow divorce. But that's not our topic. There are circumstances where I believe God does reluctantly allow divorce, but he does not countenance marriage that says basically, "Well, we can't really commit too much because we're all going to change and who knows what's going to happen? So let's be adult about this thing. We get a car that doesn't work, we trade it in. We get a wife, she doesn't work—we won't say trade her in, but we'll get a new model."

God does not countenance that as marriage. There is a leaving and a cleaving. That was the old word in the old English Bibles. The problem with the word cleaving is it can mean two mutually contradictory things. A cleaver is an axe, right? And what do you do with a cleaver? You chop something in two.

Stick is the key word here. The Greek word here is the word that comes from the word for glue. Glue. I used to tell young couples sometimes, until somebody objected, it's intended to be humorous and true as well. The end of a wedding, I would say, I would explain about cleaving to each other being the word for glue.

I'd explain to them, what this means, young man, for you is you stick with her. And what it means for you, young lady, is you are stuck with him. I thought it was very funny, but they didn't. Have you got it? Do you get these foundational principles?

At the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two will become one. The two will become one. It says here "one flesh." That has physical and sexual connotations. Please notice the order.

Not "we will become one physically and sexually and eventually we might even get around to legalizing it, what's a piece of paper anyway." That is not the order. The order is we are going to take these steps that God has called us to. As we intelligently, willingly, lovingly before Him come together, then and then only can we act out the reality of our union in that beautiful way that God has ordained for marriage: sexual union. It's a wonderful mystery, how two will become one.

Guest (Male): That's Stuart Briscoe you're hearing today on Telling the Truth. We'll come right back to wrap up today's message. Whether you're already married or plan to get married someday, you'll want to know how to build a marriage that's not only long-lasting but also joy-filled.

Jill shares timeless truth on marriage from the Bible along with practical day-to-day advice from her own marriage to Stuart. You'll find that Jill's wit and wisdom make this series a fun and encouraging listen that's sure to encourage you at whatever stage of marriage you find yourself. As extra thanks for your gift, we'll also send you a beautifully printed Bible verse about marriage to encourage you each day.

Through your generous gift today, you'll help more people experience abundant life in Christ through the unchanging truth of God's word as you make it possible for Telling the Truth broadcasts like this one to continue going out across the globe. Be sure to request your copy of *Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work* when you give a gift today. Call 1-800-889-5388. That's 1-800-889-5388. Or give online at tellingthetruth.org.

Now, let's hear the conclusion of today's message from Stuart, God's Design for Marriage.

Stuart Briscoe: When I've been in pastors' meetings, I guess when people come together with professional people in similar professions or whatever you want to call them, pastors are just the same. They get together and they talk shop. One of the things they always talk about is weddings.

"Oh boy, these weddings and these mothers-in-law and all this deal we've got to get into with weddings and how long it takes in preparation and then rehearsals." Then you've got to go to rehearsal dinner, and then you have a wedding, and then they want you to go to the banquet afterwards. Whole weekend's gone on this little wedding.

I say, "Guys, don't grumble. Just thank God they're getting married. Thank God that you can help prepare them for marriage. Always remember this: when you stand at the front in front of a young couple who are making their vows before the congregation and before God, a remarkable thing is happening. God is taking two people and making them one. You have the privilege of presiding at that sacred moment."

Don't grumble about it. I have officiated at hundreds of weddings. I never forget that. If you take a glass of oxygen and a glass of hydrogen, you've got two glasses full of colorless, odorless gases. If you pass an electrical charge through them, you'll probably blow up the kitchen, so don't do it.

If you know what you're doing, you will see a remarkable thing happen. You will see two colorless, odorless gases become one liquid, an entirely new entity. That entirely new entity is made up in its entirety of two disparate entities. It's a mystery.

When God takes a man and God takes a woman and by His Spirit He begins to work in their lives so that they become one, they spend the rest of their days discovering what that oneness means. I want to tell you something, years later, Jill and I are on an adventure discovering what happened in Waterloo Baptist Church in Liverpool, England when a young bank examiner and a young Cambridge-trained school teacher didn't know much.

We knew whose we were, and we knew whom we served, and we knew whom we were going to obey. We made our promises to each other on that basis. Praise God, He's enabled us to keep our promises and live a long time.

Guest (Male): Great stuff from Stuart Briscoe. We hope today's message encouraged you. Before we go, remember that when you give today to help keep Telling the Truth broadcasts like this one going out around the world, we'll send you *Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work*, Jill's four-message series all about how you can build a strong, fulfilling marriage that stands the test of time.

Call now to give and remember to request *Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work* along with the Bible verse print on marriage with our thanks: 1-800-889-5388. 1-800-889-5388. Or you can give online at tellingthetruth.org. Thanks so much for joining us today. Come back tomorrow and listen to more powerful truth straight from God's word. Experience life next time on Telling the Truth.