Telling the Truth

Guest (Male): God wants your marriage to thrive as it draws you and your spouse closer to heaven. Discover how you can follow God's design for a lasting marriage today on Telling the Truth with a message from Stuart Briscoe.

But first, if you want a strong and lasting marriage, the best place to look for guidance is the Creator of marriage itself, God. We want to help you build a healthy and fulfilling marriage by sending you Jill Briscoe's series, Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work.

We'll send you this resource along with a beautiful Bible verse print as thanks for your gift today to help others experience life in Christ. So call today to request your copy of this powerful four-message series: 1-800-889-5388. That's 1-800-889-5388. Or you can give online at tellingthetruth.org. Now, here's Stuart with his message, God's Design for Marriage.

Stuart Briscoe: I'm going to read to you just two or three verses from Mark's Gospel and chapter 10, in which Jesus speaks about marriage, an excellent authority on the subject. This is what he says. Actually, the statement he gives on marriage is in response to some questions that people asked him about the legitimacy or otherwise of divorce.

He answers them but shows very, very quickly that he's far more interested in talking about marriage than he is in talking about divorce. So we won't spend a lot of time talking about the context in which he makes this statement, but that is just to map it out for you. This is what he says, starting with verse 4: "Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send his wife away. It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law."

Whenever you come across the word "but" in your Bible, that is what we call an adversative. That means that it is now going to introduce a contrary statement to what has just been said. He's talking about Moses permitted a bill of divorcement to be written because God had to come to terms with the fact that people destroy each other sometimes in marriage.

Now he talks about marriage: "At the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore, what God has joined together, let man not separate."

That is a superb, brief statement on the fundamentals of marriage as God intended it. Many people ask me, what is the secret of your long marriage? It is the usual question they ask to doddering old people who've been married 50 years. My answer was: the secret of a long marriage is keep your promises and live a long time. It's really not very complicated at all. Keep your promises and live a long time. The two, of course, are necessary if you're going to have a long marriage.

That might sound like an oversimplification, but here's another one for you. I believe that fundamentally marriage is as simple as ABC. What do I mean by ABC? I mean this: that marriage is all about adjustments based on commitments. In other words, it is imperative that the foundations be in place. Foundational commitments are clearly understood and agreed upon and tenaciously held onto.

We go through all kinds of changes during the course of marriage, particularly a long marriage, and so adjustments have to be made based on those commitments. I'm not going to have time to get into the adjustment side of it because I want to underline what Jesus said about the fundamental commitment side of it.

The understanding needs to be very, very clear that we are talking about a union of two people who have common, mutual commitments and are able to make the necessary adjustments—not to the commitments, but the necessary adjustments to the application of these commitments as they age, for instance, as they have children, as their children leave, as they suffer bereavement of their parents and all manner of situations in employment. All kinds of things require adjustment in the application of the fundamental commitments that don't change.

Look at some of these fundamental commitments that Jesus talks about here, the foundational principles of marriage. The first one is this: "At the beginning of creation, God made male and female." What that says to us is very simple, very obvious, and absolutely all-important, and it is this: that marriage is God's idea. Marriage is not a human construct.

That might seem very obvious. You may say to yourself, we've come all this way to hear that. No, it is not obvious because, in actual fact, that statement is being very, very aggressively challenged in our society at the present time. Generally speaking, it would be true to say that men and women do not necessarily think of marriage as something that is divinely ordained. They think of it as something that human beings have thought up and which they can change and alter at will with impunity.

I remember when our daughter was doing her doctoral studies in New York City. It was in community psychology, and she was doing all kinds of studies about sociological and psychological issues. I was fascinated with many of the studies that she was doing. I remember being shocked when I read one of the textbooks that was required reading for her, which was talking quite casually about the fact that human beings down through history have found various ways of coming together, where the war of the sexes is placated in various ways and men and women find different ways of getting along with each other.

What they were saying was this: down through history, they've found different ways of doing it, but as time has gone on, they found that they didn't work. So, being the creative people that we are, they thought of new ways of doing it. They said, and that is precisely what is happening now. What is happening now, they said, is if you look at the divorce rates, if you look at the couples who are deciding to live together without the benefit of marriage, if you look at the changing mores here, it is obvious we have decided marriage worked very well for a long time, it doesn't work anymore. Don't worry, we can simply ignore it, trash it, and we will find new and better ways of doing it.

I don't remember exactly how long ago it is my daughter was doing her doctoral studies, but that's approximately 25 years ago. That was what they were saying in academia. That is basically how people view marriage now. In fact, if you want an example, they are even trying to totally redefine marriage. Here's the question: do we believe that marriage is a creation ordinance, a divine idea, or simply a human construct?

That's fundamental. If I believe it is something that God has instituted from the beginning of creation, then it will lead me to think something like this: when God created the physical universe, he put principles and laws within this universe. Thank God for the laws of gravity. I am so thrilled every time I go to New Zealand and Australia or to Antarctica for the law of gravity; never once have I dropped off the bottom.

It's encouraging. However, I remembered the law of gravity when I went to the top of the Empire State Building because I thought to myself, if I step off this, it will make an awful mess down there. In other words, there's a law of gravity which works to our good if we obey it and works to our peril if we disobey it. We know that. We know there are laws set in the physical universe.

How about the universe of humanity, the sociological universe? If God has ordained society—which he has, he created male and female, that's the crux of society—if he created society, is it not reasonable to assume that he has ordained principles and laws for the wellbeing of society? If that is true, is it not reasonable to assume we abuse them at our peril, but if we obey them, it is to our good? There's a fundamental foundational starting point. Is marriage a divine idea, a creation principle, or is it a human construct?

I suggest to you it makes no sense at all for people to talk about marriage if they haven't agreed on that. If they don't agree on that particular point, I will predict something without any prophetic gift that is discernible, and it is this: they're going to have trouble. They are going to have trouble.

Guest (Male): You're hearing today from Stuart Briscoe on Telling the Truth. We'll be right back with more biblical truth on God's design for your marriage. But before we do, one question we often hear from Telling the Truth listeners is, what's the Bible's secret to a long, happy marriage?

Over their years of ministry, Stuart and Jill Briscoe have both had a lot to say about this question. After all, they had the biblical wisdom and real-life experience of over 60 years of marriage to back it up. In Jill's four-message series called Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work, she shares timeless truth on marriage from the Bible, along with practical, day-to-day advice from her own marriage to Stuart.

We want to help you build a marriage that stands the test of time as you apply biblical truth to help your marriage not only survive but thrive. That's why we're excited to send you Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work, as well as a beautifully designed print featuring a Bible verse on marriage, as our thanks for your gift today.

Your gift will help keep sharing the life-changing truth of God's love with people around the world through the resources and teaching of Telling the Truth. So call today to request Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work when you give: 1-800-889-5388. That's 1-800-889-5388. Or you can give online when you visit tellingthetruth.org. All right, it's time to get back to Stuart's message, God's Design for Marriage.

Stuart Briscoe: All right, now there's so much more could be said about that, but I will exercise remarkable discipline and not say it, and we'll go on to the next thing. There's the first principle: at the beginning of creation, God created male and female. The second thing that we need to remember is this: that gender and sexuality are a divine idea as well.

In the beginning of creation, God created what? Male and female. There is a very, very definite link between male and female, but there are clear distinctives as well. This, of course, is how God created right from the very beginning. He took something that he had created and then he divided it and brought two things out of it, and then he created something else and he divided and brought two things out of it. Read Genesis 1 sometime.

In the same way, he created man, that is the male variety, and from the male variety, he created the female variety. There was a oneness of humanity, but there was a clear distinctiveness of gender, a clear distinctiveness of sexuality. Now, we've got to decide something here. If sexuality and gender is a divine idea rather than just some kind of glorious accident, then is it not reasonable to assume that God might have had some specific ideas in mind when he intentionally created male and female?

If so, it would seem to me a marriage is going to work not only when it is based on the fundamental idea that this is a God's idea, not man's, and we live it according to his principles, and in addition to that, we come to the conclusion you are a woman and I am a man. This is a mystery, but it's God's mystery, and let's try and work it out together to find out what in the world he had in mind when he created male and female.

If that is not a foundational principle, given that sexuality is one of the most potent powers in us as human beings, just imagine the things that can go wrong. You don't need to imagine, do you? We know. We know what goes wrong. Why is it? It is because people have not come to a point of agreement on this foundational principle.

I think it's very hard for people to get the idea that sexuality is a divine idea. I remember many years ago when I used to do a lot of evangelism among unchurched kids in England. They were very, very exciting days. I really loved that stage of my life. I would go into coffee bars and that sort of thing. I would go regularly so they knew me, and they would invite me to stand up on a table and talk to them for a little while.

The coffee bar owner liked me to go in because I kept the kids there longer, so he sold more coffee. I would just say to them, what would you like me to talk about? Which sounded very, very brave, but in actual fact, there were few things they were interested in. It wasn't brave at all. I knew it was only a matter of a few moments before somebody in a dark, dim, smoky recess of the coffee bar would shout out, "Sex! Talk about sex!"

They would all laugh because they were trying to embarrass me, because they knew I was a Christian and didn't believe in it. So my response was always the same: I'm very, very happy to talk about sex. In fact, it's one of my favorite subjects. Which quietened them down quite quickly. They looked at me in a whole new light then.

Then I would go on to explain to them, I'll tell you why it's one of my favorite subjects. If it were not for sex, I would not be here. Secondly, if it were not for sex, you wouldn't be here. Thirdly, if it were not for sex, we would not be having this wonderful evening together. Now, the next thing I want you to know is this: the first sexual thought that anybody ever thought, God thought it.

That stunned them. Stunned them. Now, when I explained to them how important sex was, we did a very British thing and we gave three cheers for sex. When I explained to them that God had the first sexual thought, they spontaneously gave God three cheers. Most of them hadn't given God a thought for a long, long time, and suddenly they're giving him three cheers.

Why? Because they got a basic fundamental idea that gender and sexuality are something that God created for the fulfillment, for the enrichment, and for the propagation of the human race. And we abuse them at our peril.

Guest (Male): That's Stuart Briscoe you're hearing today on Telling the Truth. We'll be right back to wrap up today's message, but first, God has given you the secrets to a long-lasting and joy-filled marriage, and they're found throughout the pages of Scripture. We want to help you mine the treasures of God's word so that you can grow your marriage God's way.

That's why we're excited to send you Jill Briscoe's four-message series, Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work. This powerful series will breathe new life into your marriage as you learn to anchor your relationship to God's truth. We'll send you Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work, along with a special design print featuring a Bible verse on marriage, as thanks for your gift this month to keep sharing the teaching and resources of Telling the Truth with so many around the world.

Generous friends like you keep broadcasts like this one going, reaching others with God's healing love so they can experience life in Christ. If you haven't given before, consider a gift today to help keep God's word going out to you and many others. And remember to request Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work and your Bible verse print when you call and give: 1-800-889-5388. 1-800-889-5388. Or you can give online when you visit tellingthetruth.org. Okay, let's hear some closing thoughts from today's message from Stuart.

Stuart Briscoe: The problem, of course, is that men have terrible problems understanding women, and women have similar problems understanding men. There's a very interesting writer called Deborah Tannen, and she has written books about the difficulties that men and women have communicating. I remember reading an illustration she gave one day.

She said, look at the male-female relationship in this way. She said we've got a situation where a husband says, "Oh, I've got a headache." And his wife says, "Oh, I had a migraine yesterday. It was just absolutely terrible. It was just as if somebody was beating on my head, and I got this flashing in my eyes and I was nauseous. I just had to lay down. In fact, I had to draw the drapes; I couldn't bear the light."

She goes on and on and on, and the more she talks, the more irritated he becomes. In the end, he says, "I don't want to hear any more of this," and he goes out the room. She bursts into tears. Now, what's the problem? He's got mad, she's in tears, and all they've said so far is that he has a headache.

Well, the problem—well, there are two problems, actually. The first problem is he is a man. And the second, even bigger problem is that she is a woman. Now, what does that mean? Well, it means this: that a woman by nature is a nurturer. She is an empathizer. She is a relator. So when he says, "I have a headache," immediately empathy, relationship, nurturing takes over. And how does she do it? By explaining to him, in effect, I know exactly how you feel.

Why doesn't he respond to this? Because he's a man. Men are competitors, so when he says, "I have a headache," and she says, "I had a migraine," he says, "I can't even have a common-or-garden headache without her having a bigger, better, grander headache." So he gets irritated and she gets upset. Well, you can probably think to your own marriage, and you can probably think of misunderstandings like that.

Turn around the other way. Wife says, "I've got a splitting headache." He says, "Take a couple of aspirins." And she says, "Do you think I am such an idiot that I don't know to take a couple of aspirins?" And he says, "Good night, what sparked that off?" What sparked that off is he is a man and she is a woman. It's not terribly complicated because, you see, the situation as far as a man is concerned is that life is a series of problems to be fixed.

Guest (Male): We're so thankful for Stuart's teaching. Before we go, we want to remind you that for your gift this month to continue sharing God's word through Telling the Truth broadcasts like this one, we'll send you Jill Briscoe's four-message series, Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work, along with a Bible verse print about marriage.

This powerful series will encourage you with eight biblical keys to a healthy, life-giving marriage. So please request your copy when you call: 1-800-889-5388. 1-800-889-5388. Or you can give online when you visit tellingthetruth.org. Thanks so much for being here today and for listening to Telling the Truth. Join us again tomorrow for more powerful truth from God's word. Listen in and experience life next time on Telling the Truth.