Telling the Truth

Guest (Female): In Ephesians 6, Paul writes, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children. Instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Today on Telling the Truth, Stuart Briscoe delves deeper into this verse and the role dads play in influencing their children for Christ. He'll begin in just a moment.

Guest (Male): The generosity of friends like you keeps broadcasts like this one going out around the world, so you and others can experience life through the biblical teaching and resources of Telling the Truth. As thanks for your gift today, we'll send you Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work, an insightful four-message series from Jill Briscoe about how you can build a long-lasting and fulfilling marriage founded on God's word. But the offer ends this week, so call today to request yours: 1-800-889-5388. That's 1-800-889-5388, or you can give online at tellingthetruth.org. Here's Stuart now with "Fathers, Do Not Exasperate Your Children."

Stuart Briscoe: We're going to look into Ephesians chapter six and just one verse, but it's a verse that, while it's very short, is full of tremendously important material. I hope in the time allotted that we will be able to glean some things of importance from it. After I preached last Sunday, I had the wonderful privilege of taking four of my grandchildren out for lunch. For about an hour, there were no parents there at all. Just the grandkids and old Papa.

They were very eager to talk. They had sat through my sermon, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." They were very anxious to talk—not, I hasten to add, about the sermon last week, but rather about the sermon this week: the one that says, "Parents, do not exasperate your children." Now, that's understandable, isn't it?

When we look at these pairs of teachings that Paul gives us here, I think it would be true to say that the men particularly enjoyed the one on "Wives, submit to your husbands." I know the women loved "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church." The kids are really looking forward to today: "Fathers, do not exasperate your children." The parents were nudging their kids: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord."

That's why we've been using the picture of the pair of scissors all the time. You can't cut cloth with half a pair of scissors. In fact, a half a pair of scissors is no use at all. You're not going to get any where just saying, "Wives, submit to your husbands." You're not going to get anywhere if you just say, "Husbands, love your wives." It's no good at all just saying, "Children, obey your parents." It's pointless saying, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children." None of these things in isolation—they need to be seen as pairs of teaching.

So, in light of the fact that we talked about "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right," etc., now we look at the other side of the coin: "Fathers, do not exasperate your children. Instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." I want to look at the second half of that verse first, and I think you'll see the reason in just a few moments.

The parental responsibility is to bring up the children in the training and instruction of the Lord in such a way that they are not exasperating their children. The word is addressed to fathers. You'll notice in verse four, after Paul in verse two has quoted the Decalogue: "Honor your father and mother." Some people say, "Why does he say honor your father and mother in the first part of it and then just address the fathers in the second part of it?"

There are two responses to that. The first one, as I've been mentioning to you right throughout this series, is that when we look at the Greco-Roman culture where the men had almost absolute control over everybody—the women and the children and the slaves were basically pieces of property—the gospel that was going to emancipate and bring a whole new ethic to bear upon them was going to demand greater changes from the men than from the women.

So, that is one reason why it was particularly significant that Paul would particularly address the fathers here. It was the fathers who had all the disciplinary power as far as the children were concerned in those days. However, the Greek word that is used and translated "fathers" can legitimately be translated "parents" as well. There's a very real difference between the Jewish way of raising children and the way they did in the Greco-Roman culture.

For instance, in Proverbs, which is part of the Jewish wisdom literature, you have this very powerful statement that we are to observe our father's teaching and also take heed to our mother's instruction. So, for our purposes—and I think from a Christian point of view, it would be appropriate for us to broaden the word "fathers" in its secondary sense of "parents"—parents, do not exasperate your children. Instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Now, this word "bring them up." It means literally to feed or to care for or to nourish. In actual fact, it is used in chapter five and verse 29, just a few verses before this occasion, where Paul, talking about how a husband should love his wife as his own body, adds, "After all, no one ever hated his own body, but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church." In other words, the same way that we feed and care for and nourish our bodies, we are as parents to feed and care for and nourish our children.

Now, this idea of caring for, of nourishing our children, I suppose, generally speaking, would come naturally to parents. I mean, that's what you do with kids. The poor little things come into your life, they're utterly helpless and dependent upon you. You care for them, you feed them, you nourish them, etc. But notice that Paul is going far beyond saying that. He says that we are to bring up the children in the training and instruction of the Lord. In other words, they are to be nourished in the Lord.

That is the particularly Christian emphasis that he is making here. This is the instruction for Christian parents. You will notice that the apostle Paul talks about the Lord no less than 28 times in the epistle to the Ephesians. So, that would be a good thing to study if we're taking seriously this idea of nurturing, nourishing our children in the Lord. Just look in the whole general context of Ephesians, see everything that it says about the Lord.

Obviously, we don't have time to do that, but that's something you can do if you wish. Now, what does it mean practically to nourish a child in the Lord? Let me give you an example that I touched on very briefly. You remember the incident when Jesus traveled with his parents as a boy of 12 down to Jerusalem? At the end of the feast there, which went on for a week, the whole of the contingent for Galilee set off—hundreds of them, perhaps even thousands of them—all grandmas and grandpas, mums and dads, cousins and kids, just crowds of them.

In the crowd, Mary and Joseph missed Jesus. They went a whole day before they looked around and nobody knew where he was. So they had to trek all the way back to Jerusalem, and they were ticked. They were not happy about this. When they find Jesus eventually sitting in the temple having a theological debate, he's only 12. Mary says to him, "Why are you treating us like this?" You remember that whole story. Then, very interestingly, it says Jesus went with them and was obedient to them.

Jesus was obedient to them, and then it says, and he grew in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and in favor with man. Notice the position there. Jesus was obedient to his parents, and as a result of his relationship with his parents, he grew. He was brought up. He was growing or he was being brought up in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and in favor with man.

So, let me suggest this would be one way of looking at it. If we are to nourish our children, we are to nourish our children so that they become whole, healthy, well-rounded people. That would mean they grow in wisdom and stature and favor with God and favor with man.

Guest (Female): You're listening to Telling the Truth, the teaching ministry of Stuart and Jill Briscoe. Today, Stuart is talking about the impact fathers have on their children's spiritual lives. We'll be right back with more. Before we do, we love to share notes from listeners like this one from Kimberly: "Thank you for your brilliant gospel message and spiritual analysis. God bless you, and Stuart, well done, thy faithful servant."

Thank you, Kimberly. That's the kind of encouragement your support today will bring to more people around the world as you help share the teaching and resources of Telling the Truth, so others can experience life in Christ. We'd like to encourage you this month with a wonderful four-message series from Jill Briscoe called Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work, as well as a beautiful printed Bible verse about marriage.

In her series, Jill teaches eight biblical keys to a healthy, life-giving marriage and shares her own insights from her 60 years of marriage to Stuart. We'll send you Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work and the Bible verse print as thanks for your gift today to help more people experience life in Christ through the teaching resources of Telling the Truth. Your support enables countless people across the globe to stand strong in the unchanging truth of scripture.

We're so grateful for friends like you. This resource offer is good for this week only and you don't want to miss it. So request your copy of Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work when you call 1-800-889-5388. That's 1-800-889-5388 or give online at tellingthetruth.org. Now here's Stuart with more of "Fathers, Do Not Exasperate Your Children."

Stuart Briscoe: To grow up in wisdom, I would suggest, would be that they mature intellectually in the Lord. That they grow up physically in the Lord. That they grow up spiritually in the Lord. They grow up socially in the Lord. Now, each of those ideas bears further study. That's something you can do on your own if you want, but let me just give you one or two little clues here.

What does it mean to nourish your child so that intellectually they grow up in the Lord? One way of putting it would be to say that you train your child so they grow up with a healthy Christian worldview. There are very, very different ways of looking at this world. There are very, very different ways of looking at the people in this world. There are very, very different ways of looking at the problems in this world—what causes the problems and accordingly where the solutions lie to this world.

Now, if there are very, very different views, some of them clashing views, hopefully, if you're going to bring your child up to be thinking in the Lord, you would bring them up so that among all the clashing worldviews, they develop a Christian worldview. That would be one way of saying we are nourishing our children in the Lord in wisdom.

All right, then you can take each of these things. How do we bring a young person up physically in the Lord? Well, obviously you're interested in their diet. You're obviously interested in their athletics. You're interested in their physical well-being. You've got your health insurance, hopefully, or you've got other ways of looking after them, and you take them to the pediatrician when necessary. What's specific about bringing them up physically in the Lord?

Well, one way you do it is that you teach them right from the very beginning that that body of theirs is fearfully and wonderfully made. The second thing you tell them about it is this: if they're Christians, their body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. Now you're nourishing them. You're bringing them up. You are showing them what it means to mature in the Lord.

And then, of course, spiritually. The word "spiritual" or "spirituality" has come into vogue again. It's absolutely fascinating. I mean, spirituality can be anything from humming mantras to doing yoga positions to stroking beads or crystals or all kinds of things. The thinking now is this: the world we live in, we thought we were going to solve everything by science and technology. Look what has happened. Science and technology has given us a lot of good things, it's given us a lot of bad things as well. It hasn't solved our deepest problems.

Therefore, there are no material answers, therefore we have to turn to immaterial things. Immaterial things are by definition spiritual. So anything that isn't material is spiritual; that's spirituality. That's basically where the spirituality thing has gone nowadays. That's not what I mean by it. God is spirit. Spirituality is recognizing that you as a human being have the possibility spiritually of being in touch with God who is spirit.

Spirituality is all about your spirit communing with God's spirit. Now, we are to bring up our children so they know this, so they understand this. And then, of course, socially. There are different ways of looking at people. The apostle Paul says a very powerful thing. It really rests heavy on my heart. The apostle Paul said this: "Henceforth, we don't look at anybody from a human point of view."

That is the most fantastic statement I can imagine. Just think what it means for your social relationships to be able to say, "Henceforth, I don't look at anybody from a human point of view." What point of view do you look at them from? You begin to look at them through this very simple prism: God loves them and Christ died for them. That's a view of society. That would lead you in all your relations with people to treat them totally differently.

We bring up our children in the Lord, and as we bring them up in the Lord, guess what? We are endeavoring to bring them to maturity: intellectually, physically, spiritually, and socially. Now, let me hasten to add, and I will repeat this because we all need to hear it, we parents. You are not responsible for how your kids turn out. They will make decisions of their own. You are responsible as a Christian to make sure that before they make these decisions, they have a thoroughgoing, working knowledge of what it is to live Christianly.

If they choose not to do it, that's their problem. It will cause you problems, too; it'll cause you heartache as well. But that is their decision. You are not responsible for their final decision. You are responsible to make sure they are given the information that they need to grow up in the Lord.

Now, the apostle Paul goes two steps further, and this is what he says. He says now the way you do this is through training and instruction. These are two very different words. The word "training" has to do with discipline. The word "instruction" has to do with verbal instruction. Now, this idea of discipline—when we're talking about "parents, don't exasperate your children," this is where the exasperation comes in: this whole business of teaching the children discipline.

Now, think about it. If we're going to bring them up in the knowledge of the Lord, the whole concept of lordship is related to living in obedience to the Lord. Jesus said on one occasion, "Why do you call me Lord, Lord, and you won't do what I say?" That's a pretty powerful question. It takes discipline. Discipline, and discipline doesn't grow on trees. It's caught and it's taught. Guess who teaches it? Parents.

So, if we're going to nourish our young people in the Lord, it is going to take discipline. Now, here are three simple words for you to bear in mind when you think of discipline: direction, inspection, correction. They won't like it sometimes, but it's your job. They need to understand it's your job because if they're going to be brought up in the Lord, you don't talk about the Lord and not do what he says. Doing what he says doesn't come naturally; you've got to learn the discipline.

In addition to that, there is the verbal instruction. Take time to talk to your kids, but perhaps more importantly than talking to them is listening to them. Because the extent to which you listen to them and can get them talking to you will determine the depth of the conversation that you're going to have with them.

Guest (Female): Stuart Briscoe on today's Telling the Truth. He'll be right back with some advice for parents he learned both as a father and a grandfather. Whether you're already married or plan to get married someday, you'll want to know how to build a marriage that's not only long-lasting but also joy-filled. That's why we'd love to send you Jill Briscoe's four-message series, Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work, as thanks for your gift of support this month.

In it, Jill shares timeless truth on marriage from the Bible along with practical day-to-day advice from her own marriage to Stuart. You'll find that Jill's wit and wisdom make this series a fun and encouraging listen that's sure to encourage you at whatever stage of marriage you find yourself. As extra thanks for your gift, we'll also send you a beautifully printed Bible verse about marriage to encourage you each day.

Through your generous gift today, you'll help more people experience abundant life in Christ through the unchanging truth of God's word, as you make it possible for Telling the Truth broadcasts like this one to continue going out across the globe. These resource offers are only available through the end of the week, so be sure to request your copy of Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work when you give a gift today. Call 1-800-889-5388 or give online at tellingthetruth.org. Now, here are Stuart's answers to a few questions from today's message.

Guest (Female): Stuart, how did you and Jill nourish your children in the Lord?

Stuart Briscoe: There's a beautiful statement in Luke's gospel about Jesus in his growing up years, and it says that Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and favor with man. There were four dimensions of his growth and development, and I would say that our attempt to nourish our children, encourage our children, was focused in these four areas.

We wanted them to grow in wisdom. That would be intellectually. We encouraged them in their schoolwork, we encouraged them in their studies, we encouraged them in their learning how to learn. Okay, Jesus increased in wisdom and stature. We were concerned about their physical well-being. They were all athletic. We wanted them to be able to balance up their intellectual and their athletic pursuits and not to get one in the way of the other.

Jesus increased in wisdom, stature, and favor with God, spiritually. We wanted to see them grow up spiritually, and that, of course, started in the home. It started in their relationships with each other and with their parents, and it also developed in the Christian community of which they were a part.

Finally, Jesus increased in favor with man. That meant they developed socially. So our concern was we wanted to nourish our children intellectually, physically, spiritually, and socially, and to keep the balance there.

Guest (Female): Stuart, as a father and grandfather, what advice do you have for parents in the trenches with their kids right now?

Stuart Briscoe: The advice of a father and the advice of a grandfather is very, very, very different. The father does have a degree of authority; the grandfather has no authority at all. I always say the easiest way to recognize a grandfather is he is the old guy with teeth marks in the end of his tongue. In other words, grandfathers spend a lot of time watching their children raise their children and they spend a lot of time biting their tongues.

So let me limit this to saying the advice that I would give to parents, as opposed to grandparents, here. The advice I would give to parents is very simple: be firm, be fair, and be fun. Be firm, be fair, and be fun. Children need discipline. They need to have loving, caring discipline that is still discipline. They won't necessarily like it; they've got to get over it.

But be fair. Sometimes our discipline is not in the best interests of the child. Sometimes we're favorites, and we will discipline one more than the other for no other reason than they are most like us. And be fun. It doesn't have to be a matter of conflict all the time. In other words, let them see your light side and let them enjoy your light side, too.

Guest (Female): Great stuff from Stuart Briscoe. We hope today's message encouraged you. Before we go, remember that when you give today to help keep Telling the Truth broadcasts like this one going out around the world, we'll send you Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work, Jill's four-message series all about how you can build a strong, fulfilling marriage that stands the test of time.

This offer ends this Friday, so don't delay. Call now to give and remember to request Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work along with the Bible verse print on marriage with our thanks. 1-800-889-5388. 1-800-889-5388 or you can give online at tellingthetruth.org. Thanks for listening today. Be sure to come back tomorrow for the conclusion of Stuart Briscoe's powerful message, "Fathers, Do Not Exasperate Your Children." That's next time on Telling the Truth.