Telling the Truth

Guest (Female): This is Telling the Truth, the Ministry of Stuart and Jill Briscoe. Today, guest speaker Charles Price concludes his message, Christians and Divorce, with some encouraging insight from the Sermon on the Mount. Stay right here. He gets started in a moment.

Stuart Briscoe: Charles Price came into our lives as a young teenager in England. He was an outstanding young man with a great heart for God and a great desire to get into ministry, which is precisely what he did. He came to Capenrae where we lived and he eventually joined the staff, and in no time at all, he appeared as the principal of the Bible school, teaching hundreds of young people from all over the world.

In addition to his Bible school leadership and his international preaching, he then became the senior pastor, the lead pastor, of People's Church in Toronto, Canada. Now, I hope you will welcome him into your hearing opportunities and your meditation on God's Word. Welcome, Charles Price.

Guest (Female): Your generous support helps keep broadcasts like this one today going out around the world, so you and others can experience life. As thanks for your gift today, we'll send you two great resources: the Briscoe's two-message series, Worry Less, and Jill's booklet, Me, Worry? These encouraging resources are filled with biblical wisdom and practical advice to help you overcome worry and live with God's peace. So, call today to request yours. 1-800-889-5388. That's 1-800-889-5388, or you can give online at tellingthetruth.org. Here's today's guest, Pastor Charles Price.

Guest (Male): Now, elsewhere in the Bible, the word *porneia* is used actually in various ways. In Matthew 21, it's used of prostitution. First Corinthians 5, it's used of incest. It's used of sexual immorality in general in Mark chapter 7. It's used of adultery in the Greek version of the Hebrew scriptures, the Septuagint, in Jeremiah chapter 3. It's used of adultery there.

And comparing the different ways in which this word is used in scripture, it would seem to be broader than just adultery, which is a very specific word, but rather used to refer to all illicit sexual activity outside of the marriage. Now, I'll tell you why.

Because that act in itself is the act that breaks the exclusiveness of the marriage bond. The sexual union in marriage is an exclusive union, and to violate it is itself to break the union into which you've entered. In other words, I suggest you, it's not so much that sexual immorality is a reason for breaking the marriage; sexual immorality itself breaks the marriage because of its intended exclusivity.

And behind that kind of sexual loose living, so to speak, lies something Jesus has spoken of in this context in Matthew 5. It is lust. Because earlier, just verses before, he speaks about adultery and lust. And then he talks about divorce almost in the same breath. In fact, the King James puts it in the same paragraph, which may or may not be accurate, because it's difficult to know exactly the paragraphs originally intended.

But certainly it's in the same theme that he's left in the minds of the people he's speaking to. Lust is self-absorption. We were having a conversation the other evening at home and my son, who's 16, asked. I've forgotten, in fact I've no idea, I can't recall how this conversation came about. But he asked, "What is lust?"

So, I said, "What do you think it is?" He said, "Is it when you think a chick is hot?" Well, we all recognize a hot chick. That in itself isn't lust. It only becomes lust when you want to use and abuse her. That's when it becomes lust.

Because lust is basically centered around me and my ego, and one of the things that has to die in marriage is egotism, and the two have to become one. And it dies hard. I didn't know how selfish I was until I got married. Most of my life had centered around my interests, my plans, and suddenly, now I'm married to Hillary. She has interests, she has plans, she has ideas, she has views. And one of the hardest things is dealing with selfishness.

Don't kid yourself, extramarital sex is selfishness. It's born out of lust, not out of love. You see, we don't become an extension of one another. Now, probably we men are more inclined to think that way than women are, that she's an extension of me, she's an appendage to me, you know, she's part of my deal now, she but I'm I'm the kiddie, I'm the number one. I know some husbands who think that. I know some marriages where they've accepted, okay, he's number one, I come along behind.

But actually, it's about the two becoming one. And if we see each other as an extension of ourselves, or somebody to use, by definition, if there's somebody to use, the use is actually abuse. And when it says the two become one, that is an awful lot more than sleeping together on your wedding night. It is a long, sometimes painful process of releasing each other to be themselves in the context of being one. Actually, you're never more who you are individually within marriage than when you are one and you're knitted together at the base. You only stop being who you are when you're not allowing yourselves to become one and you're one's trying to control the other.

The problem is not that marriage is going wrong, not the problem is, it's our discipleship is going wrong. If you're a Christian and your marriage in trouble is probably not your marriage, it's your discipleship that's the issue, because what you do with the self. I'm crucified with Christ. You bring yourself to the cross, and when our discipleship is shallow and superficial, even that becomes about me and my fulfillment and my getting things.

But in marriage, the me has to become you, and the you has to become us. And I'm speaking as one who learned this very slowly and very painfully. And the breaking of the sexual union is the only ground Jesus gives for divorce because of the sacredness of the sexual union and its need to be protected.

If you're in a situation where that has been broken, there is, of course, forgiveness. But may I just say as a caution, if you're in a marriage where there has been illicit sexual activity, if you're the guilty party, please don't expect your partner to just say, yes, I forgive you and that's it, it's over and done with. That forgiveness will be a long process. The rebuilding of respect and trust will take a long time. But there is forgiveness, and with that forgiveness, as Jesus demonstrated when the woman caught in adultery was brought to him in John chapter 8, and he forgave her. "I don't condemn you," he said. And then he said this, "Go and sin no more." Forgiveness involves this had better stop right away. Quit.

Forgiveness isn't like a doormat to wipe our dirty feet so we can get them clean, then go out in the muck again. With forgiveness is the restoration of what was lost and broken. But there's a third point I want to make. Marriage is a commitment. Divorce is a concession. Jesus allows it only for *porneia*, illicit sexual activity.

But there's a third point that I want to make that comes out of Matthew 19. And the question, though implied in Matthew 5, Sermon on the Mount. Why then they asked, did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away? Jesus replied, Moses permitted you to divorce your wives. He obviously didn't command it, but he permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. It was not that way from the beginning.

So they asked the question, well, if this is the only reason on which a marriage breaks and divorce takes place, why did Moses give a certificate of divorce? And Jesus says, it's because your hearts were hard. Now, this is not referring to sexual sin. That is evident because in Deuteronomy 22 and verse 22, it tells us what to do about sex. It tells them what to do about adultery in a marriage. And the result of adultery was not divorce, it was actually death, stoning.

Now, most did not follow that through. We have very, very few instances of that take actually taking place. When Joseph found Mary to be pregnant before they were properly married, though they were in that betrothal period, which was a legal binding relationship. So, the marriage was not yet consummated, and she was pregnant, of course, because the Holy Spirit had miraculously brought about the conception of Jesus. Joseph didn't believe that, understandably, at first. So, he decided he would divorce her quietly. That was the better option. Stoning was what the law required, but most people wouldn't have gone that far, though that was what the law stated.

The men who brought the woman to Jesus in John 8, they did want to stone her. The point I'm making is that the consequence of adultery has already been dealt with in Deuteronomy 22. And then Deuteronomy 24, he talks about something else that happens.

And my third point I want to make from this is that divorce is a protection. That may seem a strange word to use. But I want to point out two things that Moses' ruling on divorce and the need to issue a certificate of divorce did. The first thing he did is that it regulated divorce. Because actually, the situation had become quite chaotic when men thought they could divorce their wives for any reason. Just bring some charge and get rid of her. And basically that meant throw her out on the street, totally alone, rejected, defiled.

And Moses says, no. Your wife is not your personal property, as some of them considered her to be, to be disposed of at will. There have to be specific reasons, and they have to be established by two or three witnesses and brought before a presiding judge and then a certificate of divorce may be issued to regulate the separation.

Guest (Female): Pastor Charles Price, guest speaking on Telling the Truth today. He'll be right back. But first, we love getting notes from listeners who tell us what God has done in their life through this ministry. Here's one from Jeff in Indiana who says, "I certainly appreciate what you do in sharing the gospel with as many as will listen. Your sermons and character are a blessing to me. Thank you for your faithfulness." Thanks so much, Jeff. That's the kind of encouragement your support today will help bring more people around the world as you help and share the teaching and resources of Telling the Truth, so others can experience life in Christ.

And we'd like to encourage you this month with two helpful resources: Stuart and Jill Briscoe's two-message series, Worry Less, and Jill's booklet, Me, Worry? The stresses of life can leave you feeling worried, anxious, even afraid. And this turmoil can rob you of the joy and peace God wants for you. In this powerful series, the Briscoe's help you discover the secret to worrying less and living with more joy.

These encouraging messages shine a critical light on a root cause of worry, and give you practical guidance on how to rule your anxieties instead of having them rule you. This special resource, plus Jill's booklet, are our thanks for your gift today to help more people experience life through the teaching resources of Telling the Truth. So, request your copy of Worry Less and Me, Worry? when you call 1-800-889-5388. That's 1-800-889-5388, or give online at tellingthetruth.org. Okay, let's get back to Charles Price.

Guest (Male): Now, if this was not to do with adultery or sexual misdemeanor, what was it to do with? And actually, Moses in Deuteronomy is completely silent about what those issues might be, partly because if he listed three, we'd make that a legal list.

But there are situations when a partner abuses the other partner. There's no grounds at all for a woman to stay in a marriage when her husband beats her. He needs to sort that out before he has the privilege of having her back in his home. Or vice versa. It has to do with the hardness of a man's heart. A woman's heart, actually, he directs it to the men. He says it's because your hearts were hard. And that may not be physical beating, it might be emotional, psychological strangulation. That takes place too, why? Because one is abusing and controlling and manipulating the other and destroying her or him. He doesn't give us a list of what qualifies, what doesn't.

So, it was to actually regulate divorce that Moses introduces. Not to extended, but to limit it by regulating it. And the second thing, it was to protect the woman. You see this hardness of the heart, which Jesus speaks of in Matthew 19. Talking about divorcing women, he says, Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. There was something wrong with you in that. And if you're treating her cruelly or you were abusing her emotionally or sexually or physically, then because of the hardness of your heart, because of your unwillingness to in humility put that ego to death and serve and look after her and cherish her and nurture her. He's actually protecting the abused person. And actually God is always on the side of the disadvantage and the weak.

And Moses also says that she's to be provided for after the divorce if you leave her alone. He says in Exodus 21 about a particular situation where a man marries the daughter, uh the daughter of a servant. A servant is already within the man's household but he marries the daughter. And then he divorces her. In Exodus 21, verse 10, he says, if he marries another woman, he must not deprive the first one of her food, clothing and marital rights. Whatever they may be, probably access to children. I don't know, it doesn't state. He says, all right, you're going to leave this woman behind. You've not walked out of her life. You had better care for her, even though you marry another woman. Because you made a commitment to her. And don't deprive her of food, clothing and her rights.

These things are not clear cut. If you are genuine in your discipleship with the Lord Jesus, they're very clear cut. You simply live in unity and oneness, nurturing each other, building each other, caring for each other, loving each other. And loving each other is not having nice feelings, it's deeper than that. Those feelings grow out of that. In fact, some of the most stable marriages are arranged marriages, not advocating this, but there are cultures where that takes place. And in arranged marriages, and the culture from which you come, the basis of that marriage is a commitment to the other person, and the love grows out of that and that usually is a better recipe for stability. Because it's not, oh, I really feel nice about her. That will come. I am committed to her. Love grows out of commitment.

But divorce need not be. And here's what I want to leave you with today. All marriages can survive if you are a Christian and your life is given to Jesus Christ, he is committed to your marriage. And everything to which God is committed, he also provides the resources to enable it to work and function. But you got to work it through. And don't be afraid of conflict. It's actually good for a marriage. As Ruth Graham said, if you are both the same, one of you is unnecessary.

Don't be afraid to argue. Iron sharpens iron. Sometimes a couple don't argue simply because one has ground the other one down to where she has no, or he has no position left from which to argue and contribute their perspective. The best thing about arguing is making out after it. That's part of the spark of marriage and of life.

Spend good time together. I'm not always busy, busy, who am I to say all this but. Spend good time together. We try. Have fun together. Laugh together, cry together. Don't bottle up. Those times bring you very close. Respect each other's weaknesses. You know, we married each other, we marry each other for their strengths. But you've married the whole package, including the weaknesses. Sometimes we'd admire the strengths and we criticize the weaknesses. This is who he is, this is who she is. Love their weaknesses too. And love them in their weaknesses.

Draw out each other's strengths. Tell each other the truth. Say sorry often. Give time for hurts to heal. Surprise each other. Don't dominate each other. And get help when you need it. Because the most precious thing in your life is not your business, it's not your work, it's not your accomplishments. It's actually your marriage. You're not sure, ask your kids about that. They'd far more prefer you and your spouse to be at peace and relaxed and nurturing each other than bringing home more bacon than you need.

There may be there's some here and your marriage is on the brink. In humility, seek God in that together. Get help. He is committed to your marriage because whatever he ordains, he will sustain. And if someone's hard heart is hard, and sadly that remains true. There are those whose hearts are hard. And if someone's heart remains hard, until that heart is broken before God and before your wife or before your husband, you won't see the growth and union and dynamism that marriage can bring.

But let's not buy these myths. It's all happy ever after. You go into a marriage saying, this is so wonderful, I love her so much and she loves me, and it's going to be just wonderful. You're going to come home at the end of the honeymoon. It takes discipline and care and thought. If you're married, protect it. There are million things in our world that will seek to destroy it, not least the myths.

And we're bought into Hollywood glamor and all the media images that tell us marriage is cheap anyway. It's not an option. If just just to marry and and then and then divorce. And if you say, well, I didn't know he would be like this. I didn't know she would be like this. Fool you for not knowing before you marry what she's like and what he's like. Make sure you know who they are. Because this is a lifelong commitment to which you're entering, ordained by God, privileged to bring to you a richness and a fulfillment that God intends that marriages bring to each partner and to their families.

And rather than simply sliding with the state of the world, which is what the church of Jesus Christ is doing, and throwing up our hands saying, hey, we have no solution to this marriage issue, we're just the same as the world out there, we're doing it the same way. No wonder we lose credibility. No wonder the world don't listen. They say, put your house in order first. My prayer is that God will bring amongst his own people a great revival, a spiritual life and commitment and obedience. We'll actually be able to demonstrate this works, because God is committed to making his will work in our lives.

But so often we just act very humanly. We don't bring God in, we leave God on the sidelines. And I trust that for some of you there's hope. If you're in a situation where your marriage is crumbling, there's hope. There is hope. If you're in a situation where your marriage is bad and you're being abused, there is hope that the hard hearts will become softened. And please don't say, well, it's her heart. It's our heart together. That's the way to start. If you want to keep your heart hard, keep your heart hard. You probably won't keep your marriage.

Guest (Female): Good stuff, Charles. Thanks so much. We hope today's message encouraged you. Before we go, remember that when you give today to help keep Telling the Truth broadcasts like this one going out around the world, we'll send you a copy of Worry Less, the Briscoe's two-message series, designed to help you start worrying less and living with more joy.

And as a special thanks, we'll also send you Jill's booklet, Me, Worry? So, call now to give and remember to request these resources with our thanks. 1-800-889-5388. 1-800-889-5388. Or you can give online at tellingthetruth.org. Thanks for listening on Telling the Truth today. Come back tomorrow as Jill Briscoe begins a message you won't want to miss. Experience Life next time on Telling the Truth.