Telling the Truth

Guest (Female): What does a healthy family relationship look like? How can you have a positive interaction between parent and child? And what role does God play in a healthy family? That's what Stuart Briscoe explores on today's Telling the Truth, and he'll begin in just a moment.

Guest (Male): If you want a strong and lasting marriage, the best place to look for guidance is the creator of marriage itself, God. We want to help you build a healthy and fulfilling marriage by sending you Jill Briscoe's series, "Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work."

We'll send you this resource, along with a beautiful Bible verse print, as thanks for your gift today to help others experience life in Christ. This offer ends this week, so don't miss it. Call today to request your copy of this powerful four-message series, 1-800-889-5388. That's 1-800-889-5388, or you can give online at tellingthetruth.org. Here's Stuart now with the message, "Children, Obey Your Parents."

Stuart Briscoe: We're going to look at Ephesians chapter 6, the first four verses—well, actually, not the whole of the first four verses. We have been looking into this passage of scripture because the Apostle Paul is giving very, very practical advice on relationships in the family.

And we've been reminding ourselves of something that I think we can very, very easily overlook, and it is this: that when we begin to think in terms of relationships in the family, if we do think about them seriously at all, usually we concentrate on techniques. This is how you do this, and this is how you do this, and this is how you avoid this, and this is how you avoid that. And there's little doubt in my mind that we can learn techniques that lead to better behaviors, and there's little doubt in my mind that we can benefit from learning techniques.

But that is not what the Apostle Paul does. What he says is the key, the key to life in the family is that we are individually living in the fullness of the spirit. In other words, what he's saying is this: the key to healthy family living is fundamentally spiritual. Have you got that? The key to healthy family living is fundamentally spiritual.

Now he says, "Okay, husband and wife are now producing a family. It is imperative that they know how to live rightly in relationship with the children and the children to the parents, and they need to do it in the fullness of the spirit." The key is spiritual. And that is something that I think not infrequently is overlooked.

So this is what he says now in chapter 6, verse 1: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth. Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."

The challenge confronting the people that Paul was writing to, of course, was a very basic one. It is the challenge that confronts you and me today. And that challenge is this: we live in the culture into which we were born and in which we have been educated and whose mores we have been breathing in ever since we drew our first breath. We are inculturated people.

But we are claiming to be Christian as well. And that means that not infrequently there is a clash of cultures between a Christian culture and a secular culture. Now there was an enormous challenge for the people Paul was writing to in Ephesus: how were they to live Christianly in a culture that was very, very different from a Christian culture?

And that was going to require great changes, particularly in that culture on the part of the men. I submit to you that today as well, we need to recognize that the secular culture in which we were born and in which we have been educated and whose mores we have been breathing into our souls every moment we've been alive is very, very different from a basic Christian culture. And how we deal with this clash is of profound significance, not least in the whole area of the family and in the area of the family, not least in the relationship between children and parents.

Well, today we'll take one half of the pair of scissors and talk about the children; next we'll take the fathers and their relationship to the children. Let's look first of all then at the biblical teaching that Paul gives towards the children. The first thing to notice that is striking to me is the rather striking fact that the children were addressed at all.

But there's something else very significant about the fact that Paul addresses the children. It suggests first of all he expects the kids to be there in adult worship. And secondly, he expects them to be paying attention because he believes that they have the ability to assimilate spiritual truth.

Two profound lessons there for us. He expects children to be integrated into adult spirituality. The Apostle Paul addresses children in the community of believers and he gives them credit for being able to assimilate spiritual truth. And that truth is, in perfect personal application here, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord."

And the word "obey" that he uses in the Greek means literally "to hear under." One of the children who was interviewed when he was asked what it means to obey, he said something to the effect of "hear what your parents say." He probably hasn't studied Greek, but he is absolutely right.

What it means to obey is listen to what you've been told by an authority figure and do it. Listen to what you've been told by an authority figure and do it. And that is the instruction that the apostle gives. Now, it's very interesting to me to notice that the apostle gives the reasons why they should obey their parents.

The Apostle Paul doesn't say, "Children, obey your parents because I say so." The Apostle Paul says, "Children, obey your parents, and I'll give you five reasons." So listen to the five reasons, young people. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord," reason number one: "for this is right."

Now, society by definition has structures. These structures require a degree of authority. Authority has to be respected. But there's something about human beings that they do not like authority, that they inherently would not respect authority, and therefore we have to learn authority structures. We have to learn to respect authority, and the parents have the incredible privilege of teaching people structures of society and authority and how to respect authority.

That is true in every culture. Why? Because every culture knows it is the right thing to do. You know why? Because the alternative to people respecting authority structures in society is anarchy, and nobody can survive anarchy.

Now then, children, the sooner you learn to respect authority—and the way you learn it first is by obeying your parents—the better for you and the better for society. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right."

Guest (Female): When you speak, are your children listening? Stuart Briscoe will be right back with more from his message on the relationship between parents and children. One question we often hear from Telling the Truth listeners is, what's the Bible secret to a long and happy marriage? Over their years of ministry, Stuart and Jill Briscoe have both had a lot to say about this question.

After all, they had the biblical wisdom and real-life experience over 60 years of marriage to back it up. And in Jill's four-message series called "Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work," she shares timeless truth on marriage from the Bible, along with practical day-to-day advice from her own marriage to Stuart.

We want to help you build a marriage that stands the test of time as you apply biblical truth to help your marriage not only survive but thrive. That's why we're excited to send you "Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work," as well as a beautifully designed print featuring a Bible verse on marriage as our thanks for your gift today. Your gift will help keep sharing the life-changing truth of God's love with people around the world through the resources and teaching of Telling the Truth.

This special offer ends Friday, so call today to request "Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work" when you give. 1-800-889-5388. That's 1-800-889-5388, or you can give online at tellingthetruth.org. But let's head back to Stuart now for more of "Children, Obey Your Parents."

Stuart Briscoe: Second reason: obedience to parents is something that is enjoined in the Mosaic Law. You'll notice what Paul says, verse 2: "Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." He is quoting the Mosaic Law, or if you like, the Ten Commandments here.

The Ten Commandments—people don't want to think about this very often—the Ten Commandments are foundational to Western civilization. The Ten Commandments are foundational to Western civilization. We have strayed far away from them, but it's always healthy when you are looking at where we're going to realize where we came from.

Now then, the Ten Commandments were written on two tablets. Traditionally, the Jewish people have said there were five commandments on each tablet. The first tablet amplified, "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart and mind and soul and strength." The second tablet amplified, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."

If it is true that there were five on each tablet, the fifth one is "Honor your father and mother," which puts it under not how to love your neighbor, but it puts it under how to love your God. Now think about that. What in the world does honoring your parents have to do with loving God?

And the answer is: God is the author of life. Your parents were the agents of the author of life bringing you into being. They are incredibly significant in your life because they were—listen carefully—divine agents of your existence, and as such, they deserve your honoring and your respect.

We can go even further than that. The way in which you relate to your parents is indicative of the way that you relate to the God who authored your life through them. "Honor your father and mother." Why should I? Because it is right and because your father and your mother are the agents of life that God himself authored in your experience.

That this was taken very, very seriously in the days in which Paul is writing is very, very obvious from other of his writings. In Romans chapter 1, verse 30, the Apostle Paul is explaining the degradation of the human soul as a result of our rebellion against God. And he describes very, very sordid things that are all too common in our society.

The worst things that we see in our society, he said are directly related to our rebellion against God. What's interesting in Romans chapter 1 is this: listed in all the sordid results of our own spiritual degradation is this: disobedience to parents. Disobedience to parents, Paul says, is evidence of spiritual degradation.

Second Timothy chapter 3, the Apostle Paul says in the last days it's going to be very, very dangerous. And he goes on to explain the disintegration of society and he gives a whole list of the things that will indicate society is falling apart. And guess what's included in the list? Disobedience to parents.

If you want evidence of spiritual degradation and if you want evidence of societal disintegration, you don't need to look any further than disobedience to parents. In fact, so severely was disobedience to parents regarded in the Jewish community that if you read in your Old Testament, you read in Deuteronomy chapter 21, do you know what it says there?

If any man has a disobedient or rebellious son, he is to discipline him. If he will not accept the discipline, he is to be taken to the elders. If the elders find out that he is disobedient and rebellious and will not accept discipline—listen very carefully—the elders are to stone him to death.

I am not advocating this treatment. I'm simply illustrating for you how historically God has regarded disobedience to parents. It is a matter of recognizing that this is a divine ordinance that we reject at our peril.

Third reason: the Apostle Paul says, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord." Children, obey your parents in the Lord. Now what does that mean? Well, when Paul uses the expression "in Christ" or "in the Lord," that is a code word for being a Christian. That is descriptive of a Christian.

So there's the next reason. Here's another reason: the Apostle Paul, writing in Colossians chapter 3—some people believe that Paul wrote Colossians first and then went back to it and wrote Ephesians which treats it in more detail—and in Colossians chapter 3, this is what it says: "Children, obey your parents—listen—for this pleases the Lord." This pleases the Lord.

The fifth reason the Apostle Paul gives us is very, very interesting. He goes on to quote the Ten Commandments and he says, "Honor your father and mother, that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." Now this has a special application to the people to whom it was originally written. The children of Israel entering the Promised Land.

Up until that time, they had been nomadic pastoralists. They were sheep herders. They'd spent years down in Egypt looking after sheep. Then they were brought out of Egypt, they spent 40 years wandering around the wilderness. Nomadic pastoralists. Now they are going into the Promised Land and they are going to establish settled cities and they are going to develop an agrarian culture. Dramatic change.

They are surrounded by enemies. If there's internal conflict, they won't survive. So God says to them, "Honor your father and mother, that it may go well with you and that you may live long on the earth, that you may survive." Now that's hardly the problem as far as you and I are concerned today, but I will say this: I will say this.

If you've got a family in which there are rebellious children and the parents are fighting them all the time, it is totally miserable for the kids and it is totally miserable for the parents. You may be surprised to hear this: it's also totally miserable for the grandparents. Because the grandparents just hate to see their kids miserable, and they hate to see their kids' kids miserable.

So everybody's miserable. And people don't live well, and society isn't doing well if there is a disobedient, a rebellious, resistant attitude. It isn't the way to go. And the message is simply this: listen, children, obey your parents because it's the Christian thing to do, because it's the right thing to do, because it is absolutely necessary for the well-being of human society, because it will lead to a fullness of life that you will not experience if you're living disobedient. And there's a fifth thing that I can't think of at this moment.

Guest (Male): This is Telling the Truth, the ministry of Stuart and Jill Briscoe. And today, Stuart has pinpointed why children listening, respecting, and obeying parents is so vital. God has given you the secrets to a long-lasting and joy-filled marriage, and they're found throughout the pages of scripture.

We want to help you mine the treasures of God's word so that you can grow your marriage God's way. That's why we're excited to send you Jill Briscoe's four-message series, "Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work." This powerful series will breathe new life into your marriage as you learn to anchor your relationship to God's truth.

And for this week only, we'll send you "Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work" along with a specially designed print featuring a Bible verse on marriage as thanks for your gift this month to keep sharing the teaching and resources of Telling the Truth with so many around the world.

Generous friends like you keep broadcasts like this one going, reaching others with God's healing love so they can experience life in Christ. If you haven't given before, consider a gift today to help keep God's word going out to you and many others. And remember, Friday is the last day to request "Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work" and your Bible verse print when you call and give. Just call 1-800-889-5388. 1-800-889-5388, or you can give online when you visit tellingthetruth.org.

Guest (Female): Here are Stuart's answers to a couple of questions about his message today. Stuart, what encouragement do you have for the listener who might be dealing with an out-of-control, disobedient child?

Stuart Briscoe: Well, this is certainly a heartache when we have out-of-control disobedient children. Let me differentiate first of all between the disobedient child and the out-of-control disobedient child. It's very unusual to find a child who at some point or other will not be disobedient.

Paul, writing to the Ephesians, talks about the spirit that dwells in people leading to disobedience, and this seems to come with the territory. Well, what we have to do is we have to teach our children that there is a place for authority, there is a place for the respect of authority, and we have to teach them that there is a very simple principle of life, and that is that actions have consequences.

And so I think we need to be devising ways of dealing with children's inherent disobedience and show them that in the end it's wrong, and in the end it is counterproductive, and that if they're going to be responsible members of society, they've got to do better. Now then, if you get to the chronically out-of-control child, I would say that that requires very, very special expert care. And I would encourage you to, if you have the hopelessly out-of-control disobedient child, to get proper counseling for a very difficult situation.

Guest (Female): How do you think our relationship with our parents affects our relationship with God?

Stuart Briscoe: One of the very obvious ways that our relationship with our parents can affect our understanding of God is that when we hear that God is our heavenly father and we start trying to understand that by saying, "Well, I have an earthly father, so I guess my heavenly father is like my earthly father."

So we look at our earthly father and we then balloon his characteristics up to divine proportions, and we finish up with a super-inflated, very unpleasant God, assuming that we had a very unpleasant earthly father. Well, this is exactly the wrong way to do it. What we need to be doing is looking at what God says about his own fatherhood and recognizing then how far short our human fathering is.

And at that point, we need to be responding to our fathers, recognizing his weakness, recognizing his shortcomings, but at the same time loving him and encouraging him and seeing if we can't be a means of blessing to him. But there's no question about it: that if we look at our earthly parents and then try to see them as a model of what God is like, we're going to come up with the wrong answers.

Guest (Female): Timeless words of wisdom from Stuart. Before you go, we want to remind you that through Friday only, when you give to continue sharing God's word through Telling the Truth broadcasts like this one, we'll send you Jill Briscoe's four-message series, "Eight Things That Make a Marriage Work," along with a Bible verse print about marriage.

This powerful series will encourage you with eight biblical keys to a healthy, life-giving marriage. This resource offer ends Friday, so don't miss out. Be sure to request your copy when you call 1-800-889-5388. 1-800-889-5388, or you can give online when you visit tellingthetruth.org. Thanks for tuning in for today's teaching. Come back tomorrow for a message from Stuart all about the vital role dads play in developing the faith of their children. That's tomorrow on Telling the Truth.