Sound Doctrine

Narration: It sometimes seems that the more educated we get, the less smart we get.

Here's Pastor Jeff.

Jeff Johnson (Host): And it's amazing today even when we are in an education glut.

Everybody's going to college, everybody's getting degrees, everybody's getting educated.

But there's no education going on in the home or about how to raise children.

And children are not being trained in the ways of the Lord.

Whose responsibility is that?

It's the father's.

We should have colleges for dads, don't you think?

You got a degree in raising a kid in the ways of the Lord, you know?

There's a degree, because, man, when that kid, you know, goes forth, he's going to be a shade for you all the rest of your life.

What a blessing.

Narration: Feelings are powerful, especially feelings of sorrow and grief.

We all will face the overwhelming power of them.

How do we keep our balance and maintain the right perspective?

We'll discover how today on Sound Doctrine with Pastor Jeff Johnson, brought to you by Calvary Chapel Downey.

Pastor Jeff is developing his study of 2 Samuel.

Now in chapter 19, we find David consumed with grief at the death of his rebellious son.

We'll gain important insight and encouragement in how to handle these kinds of situations.

Here's Pastor Jeff.

Jeff Johnson (Host): Second Samuel, chapter 19, and we're going to be taking the first portion of this chapter this morning.

And we're going to deal with dealing with failure and guilt.

Hopefully, to learn a little bit about how to deal with failure and guilt.

Second Samuel, chapter 19.

Now, going back to chapter 18, we see that David's reaping has hit an all-time low.

I mean, he is now a broken man.

That doesn't mean that he hasn't anything more to learn, because he's got plenty to learn.

And he's going to learn a whole lot in this next chapter.

But he is a broken man now.

God's got his attention.

And remember, David's trouble started, all of it, because of his problem with women.

He liked to collect them.

He had a whole harem of women.

And he collected them.

And despite what God told him not to do.

For remember, God said in Deuteronomy 17:17, and he shared there in that chapter that when you go into the land, and you have kings in the land, your kings must not collect horses, collect silver and gold, or collect wives.

And yet, David thought, well, the wives is not a big thing.

I'll just go ahead and do it.

Well, it brought him into that whole thing and that moment of weakness in this one area in his life that he began to fall in lust with another woman, who happened to be married.

And he went down and committed adultery with that woman.

And there he starts his downhill slide, reaping a whirlwind in his own home.

And remember what the prophet said to David.

Once he did this great sin, he said, Now therefore, the sword shall never depart from your house, David, because you have despised me and has taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be thy wife.

And so this whole thing began with his downfall with this woman.

And as he sowed to the flesh, he began to reap corruption and grief came into his life and into his home.

Terrible things began to happen.

First, his little baby died.

That's the first thing, right off the bat.

Second thing that took place, his daughter was raped.

Third thing that happened was his son, one son, killed one of his other sons.

And then the one son that did that drove David out of Jerusalem seeking to kill his father.

And on top of it all, we know that that one son then was killed.

And here we see now David's grieving and his great love for that rebellious son of his.

And last week we talked about that.

How his grieving was different with this son than with the grieving that he had with his first son that died.

And remember, his first son was a baby when he died.

And remember how when he realized that the son was dead, he changed his clothes.

He asked for food, and he went on with his life.

They couldn't understand why.

Well, he said to them, I know that my son cannot come to me, but one of these days, I'm going to be with him.

You see, David had that hope.

Somehow he had that concept to be absent from this body is to be present with the Lord.

And so the loved ones that would go on, leaving this life, would go and be with the Lord.

And so the hope of, I'm going to see my son one of these days.

He could go on with his life.

And he did.

But this grieving that he had for Absalom was different.

Why?

Well, because, number one, his first son was a baby under the accountable age and went right to be with the Lord.

Absalom was an older man.

He knew better, and he wasn't right with the Lord, and David knew that.

And so David's, part of David's grief here is because he knew that he would never see his son again.

That his son had not walked in faith.

He actually died without faith, looking to God and seeking God and serving God.

And remember in the Old Testament, those who died without faith went into a place called Sheol.

A place that the New Testament calls Hades.

A place called hell.

It's a real literal place.

David realized that his son had gone there and he would never see him again.

So that tore him up.

Jesus taught more about this place called Hades than he did heaven.

Why?

Because it's a literal place.

It's serious stuff.

We're deciding our eternity right here, right now this morning.

Many of you are right there.

What is it going to be?

What's going to happen when you die?

Because you're going to have to make that appointment.

You can't get away from that one.

Man has learned to, rule over everything, control everything, but death, and he's not going to be able to.

You got to meet that.

You got to prepare to meet your God.

But can you imagine the grief if you were not sure if your son or daughter knew the Lord, and then they were taken out of this earth?

And that you would never see them again?

There's no hope in that.

David longed for it to be different.

He didn't want things to happen this way.

He wished his son would have been king instead of coming to this end.

Now we come to chapter 19, of first Samuel, or second Samuel, chapter 19.

And it says in it was told Joab, behold, the king weepeth and mourneth for Absalom.

And the victory that day was turned into mourning, unto all the people, for the people heard say that day, how the king was grieved for his son.

And the people gat them by stealth, and this is not a stealth bomber here.

This is stealth, that this word actually means the people went on to grieve and to feel guilt that day into the city, as people being ashamed that steal away when they flee in battle.

But the king covered his face, and the king cried with a loud voice, Oh, my son Absalom.

Oh, Absalom, my son, my son.

David's grief was great.

It got so bad, though, it became a national problem.

It was affecting the nation because of his position.

And their great victory that God had actually gave to them, that they were not only provided for in the wilderness, but God gave them victory over their enemy who was coming against them.

Now was turned into a defeat.

They were mourning, and they felt guilty.

And they acted like they had lost.

And there was no praising the Lord.

There was no singing of songs like we did this morning, you know?

That the Lord's given us the victory, and, you know, just that upbeat stuff.

It was just like, man, you felt like it was a funeral going on.

Like, who died?

You know, you ever been into a group of people that supposed to be happy and you wonder who died?

Because they're not too excited.

Well, this is what it was like inside the city as they were coming together.

It's like you wonder, what happened here?

Was this a defeat or what?

I'm sure that this next verse is going to kind of, you're going to kind of wonder, did David ever get the whole story how Absalom, his son, was really killed?

Because Joab, who was the one that killed him, is now coming into David all upset.

I don't think that David ever got the whole story how it happened.

I think he probably heard stories on what took place, but I don't think he got the whole story on how it actually took place.

And so we see Joab come, you know, breaking into the doors.

Look at verse five.

And Joab came into the house to the king and said, Thou hast shamed this day the faces of all thy servants, which this day have saved thy life, and the lives of thy sons, and of thy daughters, and the lives of thy wives, and the lives of thy concubines.

In that thou lovest thine enemies and hatest thy friends?

For thou hast declared this day that thou regardest neither princes nor servants, for this day, I perceive, he says, that if Absalom had lived and all we had died this day, then it had pleased thee well.

I can see him just come barging in, you know, into the palace.

And David's over there, oh, Absalom, Absalom, Absalom.

And he's at his, you know, kind of his throne, you know, and he's just totally in shambles.

And Joab comes blasting through, and he lays this, these heavy words upon David, saying, David, you're wrong in your grief, and in your carrying on.

If Absalom would have won, don't you know, David, we would all be dead right now?

Why are you carrying on so over this rebellious murder and this usurper, who had, if he had the chance, he would have slaughtered everybody.

And this is really one reason why Joab, who had a military mind, knew that he had to get rid of Absalom.

And when he saw Absalom hanging there in the tree with his hair caught in the oak, remember last week?

The guy's just hanging there, and he's caught, he can't do anything, he's kind of screaming and hollering.

And Joab comes up to him and says, that's it, and he takes three arrows, and he just throws them, thrusts them right into his heart, kills him right there.

Then 10 guys gather around with spears and finish him off.

Why?

Because they understood that Absalom, if he took the throne, he was going to kill everybody.

This guy was crazy.

He wanted revenge.

He wanted to get back at his dad, and he was going to slaughter them all, and Joab understood that.

Even though David said, don't touch my son.

Whatever you do, save him, you know.

It was kind of loyal disobedience on Joab's part, if you can have loyal disobedience, you know.

But he did, he just disobeyed the king just to save the kingdom.

And he says, here you are, carrying on like you wish we would have lost this whole battle, and he would have won.

Then probably you would have been pleased, he says.

David was here not only grieving over his son's loss, but also he was blaming himself here for what Absalom had become.

For what Absalom had done.

I mean, remember this war, 20,000 men were wiped out.

And the kingdom was just, you know, falling apart around him.

And he's looking at himself as he's pointing, you know, we have, we have a, you know, a way of pointing our finger and saying, well, it's all your fault, and then we got three coming back.

And David's starting to feel the pressure of the three coming back.

He could blame his son for going off on his rebellious ways, but he now he's looking back a little bit.

He knew that his sin, even though it had been forgiven, had its effect in his home.

And he would have to reap much loss.

David is here feeling the remorse of his own sin, the guilt for what he had done.

And all of this causes him to seek punishment.

You know, it's something strange about guilt, when we've got guilt.

We seek punishment.

But once the price has been paid, once the whipping has taken place, it's interesting, the guilt that you were experiencing then is lifted.

Well, I paid for that, you know.

I spent two years in the pen for that, you know.

And you paid the price, right?

Yeah.

I don't feel guilty anymore.

I mean, I paid my price for that.

And it just works out that way.

I don't know, there's something strange about us that when we are stacked full of guilt, there must be a payment.

I know this a little bit because I was raised in somewhat of a disciplined family.

And I didn't have a lot of problem with guilt as a as a young person because the rod chased it away.

You know what I'm talking about?

The board of education applied to the seat of understanding.

And, man, it just drove that guilt right down the road.

And it relieves one of guilt.

But if guilt is not dealt with, it it produces a weird neurotic behavior that actually goes and seeks punishment.

And it does it in sometimes weird and strange ways.

You see, David was forgiven here.

But in seeing how Absalom had turned out, he experienced tremendous guilt.

And he knew that it was his fault, and it was some of his responsibility.

After all, didn't he start this whole syndrome in his own home?

I mean, didn't he start the ball rolling?

He did.

He made some big mistakes in his life, and it's coming back at him.

He would have felt better, and the guilt would have been gone if Absalom would have won and killed him.

Of course, he'd have been dead, but.

That's what Joab's saying.

You would have felt better.

I mean, you're seeking punishment on yourself, you know.

He was.

Have you ever felt that, you know, I remember a couple times when I'd get a real whooping, and, man, I'd be in there just crying, you know, in the bedroom, and, and, and, of course, you know, I had done the thing wrong, and I deserved it, and I got it, you know.

But then I'm laying there on my bed, and I'm thinking, they're all out there, you know, just laughing and having a good time.

I wonder if I was just to die right now, man.

Then they'd feel bad.

Then they'd find out, you know.

But then, you know, that passes, and then you just go out there, and everything's done.

But David's feeling a little, you know, just feeling like he just died, you know.

I remember my dad would use just whatever, whatever he could grab at the time.

And sometimes it'd be a pan.

Sometimes it would be, you know, a spoon, or whatever he could get his hands on, a belt.

A wire hanger was what I really hated.

That didn't feel real great.

But I'll tell you something.

Kids in those days didn't have the protection that they have today.

And we behaved ourselves a whole lot more, I believe.

But think about it.

The Old Testament.

We looked at it last week.

What did we see?

That under Israel law, that if your son or your daughter rebelled against the parents and became a drunkard, just wasted their lives away, they could bring them to the elders of the city, who would make the decision that they would be taken out and stoned to death.

They had very few children rebelling.

But oh, no, the laws of our land say, don't you touch that little child.

That's a little person, a little human being.

Let them go, let them flourish.

Let them do whatever they want to do.

I mean, who are you?

But their parent.

Don't you touch them.

The kids are turning around today, hey, you want to get sued?

I'll turn you in, man.

If you touch me.

Whoa, man, we'd back off, right?

But, man, this brings up a problem, doesn't it?

God says one thing.

The government and the law says one thing.

You know, and what are we to do?

Now, back in the Old Testament times, when they, they actually, you know, would stone the children.

You know, Jesus changed things.

He said, Thou shalt not kill.

Don't do this.

Don't, don't have this type of heart, you know.

Things were set up back then because their hearts were hard.

But Jesus has come, hasn't he?

And he's given us a way.

But still, the word of the Lord still is it holds strong as far as the discipline in the home.

And I, I think, you know, one problem with this nation, and I'm going to talk about it a little bit.

But, you know, there's problems within the home.

Why?

Because there's a lot of things going wrong.

And when the wrong is made right through a chastening.

In fact, over in Hebrews chapter 11, let me read it to you.

In verse chapter 12, verse 11, of Hebrews, listen to this.

Now, no chastening for the for the present seems to be joyous.

I mean, nobody when they're getting a spanking is is, you know, laughing.

Right?

It's grievous.

You're crying.

Nevertheless, it says, afterward, it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.

In other words, it removes the guilt.

It's done.

There was a there was a situation that was broken, a law that was broken, maybe it's in the home or whatever the the parent said, no, and if you do this, then this is going to happen.

Then it was, they did it, then the spanking came down, and it's over, the guilt is removed, and we go on with life.

But as an adult, it gets a little bit more, in fact, a whole lot more complex in that the guilt is there.

And then there's a desire for the punishment because of the guilt to pay for what we have done.

So David felt this great responsibility of what Absalom had done, and how he had failed to be a good father to his son.

Would you turn with me a few pages over to 1 Kings?

A few pages ahead to 1 Kings chapter 1 and verse 6.

Look at this.

It gives us a little insight of how David lost it.

And what he did to lose it.

1 Kings chapter 1, verse 6.

And his father, talking about David, had not displeased him.

And he's talking about another son that David had, Adonijah, who exalted himself and wanted to be king over his father.

In other words, another son who's rebelling against David.

David had a hard time in the home and with his family, okay?

I think we can get a pretty good grip on that.

That he struggled being a good father to his children, and he lost his children.

They went off totally in rebellion.

Here's another son, and it says in verse 6, that his father had not displeased him at any time in saying, why have you done this?

He never questioned his son.

Never confronted his son when maybe he was about ready to make a mistake or get into a dangerous area.

He never questioned him.

You know how some kids say, hey, Dad, when you going to get off my back?

I mean, I'm 17.

I'm going to be 18.

I'm a man.

When are you going to get off my back?

The dad says, well, maybe when the day I die.

Because you're my son, man, and you'll always be my son.

And I always will care for you.

And when you are going to step off in a dangerous area, for me not to say something would not be love.

I'm going to tell you.

I'm going to let you know because I love you and I care for you.

Over again in in Hebrews chapter 12 and verse 9.

It says, Furthermore, we had fathers of our flesh, which corrected us, and we gave them reverence.

Shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits and live?

For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure, but he for our prophet that we might be partakers of his holiness.

The Lord loves us as we should love our children.

And it's amazing today, even when we are in an education glut.

Everybody's going to college, everybody's getting degrees, everybody's getting educated.

But there's no education going on in the home or about how to raise children.

And children are not being trained in the ways of the Lord.

Whose responsibility is that?

It's the father's.

Man, we we should have colleges for dads, don't you think?

Dads, you got a degree in raising a kid in the ways of the Lord, you know?

There's a degree.

Because, man, when that kid, you know, goes forth, he's going to be a shade for you all the rest of your life.

What a blessing.

So David failed to displease his son.

Didn't want to bum him out.

There's another illustration, remember we went through it in 1 Samuel.

Remember Eli, who was a very religious man.

Listen, Christian parents.

Listen well.

And I know that, you know, Eli was religious, but hopefully you're not religious in the sense of being, you know, we're in church every Sunday, you know.

Listen, it's a relationship that you're to have with God.

Relationship will save you, religion won't.

Narration: That's the difference so many people just don't understand.

Christianity is not a religion.

It's a relationship with Jesus Christ.

This is Sound Doctrine and today we've been studying 2 Samuel chapter 19 with Pastor Jeff Johnson.

Hopefully, as you listen to these messages in 2 Samuel, you'll have ears to hear what the spirit is saying in these critical times.

God's word is so practical, giving us direction, instruction, and wisdom to our lives.

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We hope you'll join us for our next study in 2 Samuel.

It's going to be a good one.

That's right here on Sound Doctrine with Pastor Jeff.

A presentation of Calvary Chapel Downey.