Shabbat Shalom

Candace Long: Good morning and welcome to Shabbat Shalom. I'm Candace Long, your host and producer. I am delighted to see that our listenership is growing and hearing from those who have reached out to say how much you're learning. Before Pastor Matt McKeown comes to teach today's Torah portion, Tetsaveh, and learn what's inside the Tabernacle that teaches us what the priests do to serve him, I'd like to share three things that I do that help prepare me to honor the Lord on the Sabbath.

First of all, I try to take a nap on Friday afternoon so that when the sun goes down, I won't fall asleep on the Lord in the middle of lighting the candles. Late Friday afternoon, I put aside every project that I'm in the middle of. I set the table, bring out the candles, turn the phone off, put dinner on pause, pour the grape juice for the kiddush, get the Torah portion ready to read, the prayers nearby, and of course, a yellow pad and pen to write down whatever the Lord may teach me.

Next, as the sun sets, I light the Shabbat candles because the woman of the house has the honor of welcoming the light of Messiah into our homes. We light two candles because they represent the two things that we are doing. We are instructed to remember the Sabbath and to observe it. So I light the candles and wave my hands three times over them toward my eyes and say, "Lord, I remember and I observe, and I welcome the light of Messiah into my mind, into my heart, and into my life." Then I sing the Shabbat prayer, which you'll now find as an MP3 link on our main shabbatshalomradio.com page.

And then finally, I quote Isaiah 58, verses 13 and 14. I say, "Lord, I thank you for your promise that if I turn back my foot from the Sabbath, from doing my pleasure on your holy day, if I call the Sabbath a delight and the day of the Lord honorable, if I honor it, not going my own way or seeking my own pleasure or talking idly, then you promised that I would take delight in the Lord and you would make me ride upon the heights of the earth and feed me with the heritage of Jacob, my father."

I'll never forget the day in 2015 when I was flying solo from Washington, D.C. to visit a dear friend in Hartford, Connecticut. I had been diligent to prepare my flight plan, making sure to avoid the busy airspaces around Baltimore and Philadelphia and New York City. I'm on cruise control that day, enjoying the beautiful land below. Suddenly, air traffic control came on the radio and called out my call sign. I responded, and he said, "You've been cleared direct to Hartford."

Whoa. That meant that I could reprogram my GPS to fly straight from where I was through all those busy airspaces, which would save me a lot of time. And then he came back on and said, "Watch out for the traffic going in and out of LaGuardia. They will be above you and below you. Don't worry."

So here I am looking like a fly compared to these jumbo jets flying right above me and below me. It was the most amazing flight experience in my seven years of flying. Suddenly, Isaiah 58 surfaced, and the Lord spoke to my spirit: "I promised you that I would make you ride upon the heights of the earth and feed you with the heritage of Jacob, your father." What a ride studying the Torah has been.

Let's recite the Shema together. Shema Yisrael Adonai Eloheinu Adonai Echad. Hear, O Israel, the Lord is our God, the Lord is one. Baruch shem kavod malchuto l'olam va'ed. Blessed is the name of his glorious kingdom for all eternity.

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might. And these words which I set up for you this day shall be upon your heart, and you shall teach them diligently to your children. You shall speak of them when you sit in your house, when you walk on the way, when you lie down, and when you rise. And you shall bind them as a sign upon your arm and as frontlets between your eyes, and you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and in your gates.

Matt McKeown: Good morning once again, dear friends, and welcome to Shabbat Shalom, where we once again journey through the Torah and uncover the Jewish roots of our Christian faith. I'm Pastor Matt McKeown, and today we continue our walk through the sanctuary of God as we arrive at one of the most identity-shaping portions in all of scripture, Parashat Tetsaveh. Up to this point, God has designed his dwelling: the Ark, the Mercy Seat, the table, the light, the curtains, the structure. The dwelling place now stands ready.

Now, God turns his attention to something even more personal: the people who will serve in his presence. Because God doesn't merely want a holy place, he wants a holy people. The name Tetsaveh means "you shall command." Interestingly, this is the only portion from Exodus onward where Moses' name does not appear. This is striking. In the very portion where God establishes priesthood, Moses disappears from the text.

Why? Because priesthood is not about personality, not about charisma, not about prominence. It's about service before God. The focus shifts from leader to mediator, from prophet to priest, from messenger to minister. And God begins not with garments, but with light. God commands Israel to bring pure beaten olive oil for the lamp so that the light may burn continually.

This continues directly from Terumah. The Menorah must never go out. But notice something essential: God does not provide the oil miraculously. He asks the people to bring it. This is profound. God provides presence, but people sustain worship. The light of God shines, but human obedience fuels it. This tells us that holiness is not passive; it's partnership.

Rabbinic tradition teaches us that the continual flame represents the soul of Israel, always burning before God, even when circumstances are dark. The priests do not create the light; they maintain it. God gives revelation; human beings protect it. This is the first lesson of priesthood. Sacred life requires daily faithfulness, not occasional passion, not dramatic moments, but steady obedience.

Then God speaks words that define the entire Torah portion: "Bring near to me Aaron your brother and his sons that they may minister to me as priests." The phrase "bring near" is the Hebrew root of the word Corban, or offering. Before sacrifices are offered, before incense is burned, before blood is shed, God offers something else first: people. Priesthood is not chosen by ambition; it's chosen by God, and it begins with nearness.

God does not say, "Bring Aaron to the altar." He says, "Bring Aaron to me." Ministry is not first about service; it's about relationship. Rabbinic tradition emphasizes that priesthood is not privilege; it is burden, responsibility, intercession. The priest does not stand above the people; he stands between the people and God, carrying names, bearing guilt, offering atonement. Holiness is costly.

God now gives one of the most astonishing commands in the Torah. He tells Moses, "You shall make holy garments for Aaron your brother for glory and for beauty." This is breathtaking. God cares about beauty. Holiness is not drab, not ugly, not bleak. It's glorious, radiant, dignified, beautiful.

God clothes his servants in splendor. Why? Because priesthood represents God to the people and people to God. The garments proclaim identity before any word is spoken. God instructs that these garments are not optional; they define the priest. Without them, Aaron may not minister. Clothing becomes theology. This teaches us something essential: how we present ourselves in God's presence matters. Not fashion, but identity.

The priest does not dress as a common man; he dresses as a representative of heaven. Garments shape consciousness. They remind the priest: you do not belong to yourself; you belong to God. For Christians, this imagery points directly to New Testament theology. Believers are said to be clothed with righteousness, to put on Christ, to wear garments of salvation. Salvation is not merely forgiveness; it's new identity. Just as priests were clothed for service, believers are clothed for holiness. God does not only change hearts; he changes how we stand before him.

God commands that skilled artisans be appointed to craft these garments, filled with wisdom, skill, understanding. Why? Because sacred work deserves excellence. God does not accept careless craftsmanship. Ministry isn't improvised. Holiness deserves beauty, precision, intentionality. This teaches us something vital: excellence is worship. Art is ministry. Skill is gift. God delights in beauty offered with reverence.

Parashat Tetsaveh now begins to speak directly into our lives. God still calls people near, not only pastors, not only priests, but all believers. God later declares that God had made his people a kingdom of priests. This is Sinai language, Tabernacle language, priesthood language. Every believer is invited into intercession, holiness, representation, service, nearness.

We are not spectators; we all are ministers. Priesthood is not performance; it's mediation, standing in the gap, bearing names, carrying burdens, offering prayers, representing mercy. God doesn't seek entertainers; he seeks intercessors, people who stand between heaven and earth with faith. Parashat Tetsaveh now begins a new movement in God's great story, from dwelling to serving, from structure to identity, from presence to priesthood. And God declares something astonishing: "I will not only dwell among my people, I will raise servants from among them to minister before me."

As Parashat Tetsaveh continues, God now turns from general garments to the most sacred and meaningful pieces of all: the garments that reveal the very heart of priesthood. These garments are not decorative; they are theological. They tell a story without words. They reveal how God desires his people to be represented before him. And at the center of this revelation stands the Ephod and the breastplate.

God commands the making of the Ephod, a richly woven garment of blue, gold, purple, and scarlet, attached by two shoulder pieces. And on each shoulder, two onyx stones, and engraved on those stones, the names of the twelve tribes of Israel. Six names on one shoulder, six on the other. This is breathtaking. The priest does not enter God's presence carrying offerings first. He enters carrying people. Before sacrifice, before incense, before prayer, the priest carries names. This is priesthood in its purest form: representation, intercession, burden-bearing.

In scripture, shoulders symbolize strength, power, responsibility. By placing Israel's names on the shoulders of the priest, God teaches us something essential: true strength is used to carry others. Leadership is not domination; it's responsibility. The priest's strength is not for self-promotion; it's for lifting the people before God. Holiness is not separation from people; it's service for people.

For Christians, this imagery resonates deeply. Yeshua describes himself as the shepherd who carries the lost sheep on his shoulders. This is not a coincidence. Messiah fulfills priestly imagery. He carries his people before the Father. He bears their burdens. He carries their names. The shoulders of the high priest become the shoulders of the good shepherd.

Then God commands the making of the breastplate of judgment, a square piece of fabric adorned with twelve precious stones. Each stone bears the name of one tribe. Each stone is different. Each stone is precious. And God says, "Aaron shall bear the names of the children of Israel on the breastplate of judgment over his heart when he goes into the holy place for a memorial before the Lord continually."

This is extraordinary. Not only are the names carried on the shoulders; they're placed over the heart. Strength carries the people; love holds them close. This is priesthood: representation through affection, intercession through compassion. God desires his people remembered not only by power, but by love. Tradition teaches us that the different stones symbolize the uniqueness of each tribe. No two stones are alike. God doesn't want uniformity; he delights in diversity. Each tribe has different gifts, different callings, different histories, and yet all are equally precious. God does not forget names. He does not lose individuals. He remembers every soul.

Inside the breastplate, God commands the placing of the Urim and the Thummim, mysterious instruments used for divine guidance. Their exact nature is unknown, but their purpose is clear. God places guidance within the breastplate, within the place of love, within the place of representation. This teaches us something profound even in the modern world: God's guidance flows through intercession. Revelation flows through compassion. Decision flows through relationship. God does not guide his people coldly; he guides them through the heart of his mediator.

The New Testament describes Yeshua as our great high priest who lives to intercede for us. This is Tetsaveh theology. Messiah carries believers on his shoulders. He bears them in his heart. He presents them continually before the Father. Just as Aaron entered the holy place with names, Messiah enters heaven with redeemed humanity. Our names are not forgotten. Our lives are not overlooked. We are carried.

God then describes the robe worn under the Ephod. At its hem are alternating bells and pomegranates. The bells produce sound as the priest moves. The pomegranates symbolize fruitfulness, life, abundance. Why this strange design? Because priesthood must be heard and fruitful. In Jewish tradition, the pomegranate is a sign of mitzvot, of good deeds. Sound announces movement in God's presence. Fruit reveals life flowing from that presence. Ministry that makes no sound and bears no fruit has lost its purpose. God desires intercession that is alive, active, and effective.

God commands a golden plate to be placed on Aaron's forehead, engraved with the words "Holy to the Lord." This plate stands above the eyes, above the thoughts, above the identity. The priest enters God's presence marked by holiness. This plate also bears guilt. Scripture says it allows Aaron to bear the iniquity of the holy things. Even worship needs covering. Even offerings need mercy. God teaches Israel that perfection is not possible, but intercession makes worship accessible.

As we continue in Parashat Tetsaveh, God now moves from the outer symbols of priesthood to the very process by which his servants are set apart. Priesthood is not assumed. It is not inherited by mere blood. It is consecrated, marked, sanctified. And God reveals how ordinary human beings become holy instruments in his presence.

God commands the making of additional garments: a finely woven tunic, a turban for the head, the embroidered sash. These garments are simpler than the Ephod and the breastplate, but they carry deep meaning. The tunic covers the body. The turban covers the head. The sash binds the garments together. This is holistic holiness: body, mind, will, service. God teaches us that holiness is not partial; it covers the whole person. The priest does not serve God with hands alone; he serves God with his life.

Rabbinic tradition often interprets these garments symbolically: the tunic representing purity of action, the turban representing purity of thought, the sash representing discipline of desire. Holiness begins inside, but it must clothe the outside. God desires servants whose inner life and outer life match.

And now God commands a seven-day consecration ceremony for Aaron and his sons. This isn't a brief ritual; it's a prolonged transformation. Animals are offered, blood is applied, oil is poured, garments are worn, prayers are spoken, time is invested. Holiness is not rushed. Transformation takes time. God doesn't create priests in moments; he forms them through process.

One of the most striking moments in the consecration occurs when blood is placed on the right ear, the right thumb, and the right big toe. To us, this is astonishing symbolism. The ear represents hearing God's word. The thumb represents doing God's work. And the foot represents walking in God's ways. God consecrates how the priest listens, how the priest acts, and how the priest lives.

Holiness is not theoretical; it's practical. God sanctifies perception, action, and direction. Every part of life is placed under the covenant. Rabbinic tradition teaches us that this act symbolizes the complete surrender of the priest's life. Nothing is neutral. Nothing is unholy by default. Everything belongs to God. This isn't restriction; this is alignment. Life becomes ordered around God's presence.

God commands the making of sacred anointing oil and pours it upon Aaron's head. This oil flows down his garments, soaks into the fabric, covers his identity. Anointing is not cosmetic; it's consecration. It represents the spirit of God resting upon his servant: power, authority, calling. God doesn't send priests to serve in their own strength; he clothes them with his presence.

The word Messiah, Mashiach, literally means "anointed one," one who is anointed with oil. This ceremony foreshadows the Messiah. And Aaron is the first person in scripture to be called a Messiah. He is Kohen Mashiach, the anointed priest. Yeshua as our priest is not self-appointed. He is appointed by God. The spirit descends upon him at his baptism. He becomes our true high priest, not by lineage, but by divine calling, and through him, believers are now said to be anointed by the spirit. Every believer shares in priestly anointing.

Throughout the consecration, sacrifices are offered. Blood is sprinkled, fat is burned, meat is eaten. This teaches us something essential: holiness requires atonement. Service requires cleansing. No priest enters God's presence by merit; they enter by mercy. This is central biblical theology. God doesn't demand perfection; he provides purification. Priesthood begins with forgiveness.

This consecration lasts seven days. Seven, the number of creation, completion, wholeness. God is recreating his servants, forming them anew, setting them apart as new creations. This isn't just ceremony; this is a transformation. God doesn't simply assign priests; he remakes them. The blood on the ear, the thumb, and the toe becomes a powerful model for spiritual formation. We are called to hear God's voice clearly, to do God's work faithfully, to walk God's path obediently. Faith that only hears and doesn't act is incomplete. Faith that acts but does not listen is dangerous. Faith that walks without direction is lost. God consecrates the whole journey.

As Parashat Tetsaveh moves forward to its conclusion, God turns from garments and consecration to something that will define daily life in his dwelling place: continual worship. Priesthood is not an occasional calling; it's a daily rhythm, a continual offering. It's a life shaped by faithful presence before God.

God commands that two lambs be offered each day, one in the morning and one at twilight. Every day, without exception, along with grain offerings and drink offerings. This is the Tamid, the continual offering. This sacrifice is not for special occasions or for festivals, not for emergencies. It's for ordinary time, for daily life, routine faithfulness.

This teaches us something: holiness is not built by dramatic moments. It is built by daily devotion. For Christians, this passage echoes powerfully in the incarnation. Matthew declares, "His name shall be called Emmanuel, God with us." The purpose of the Tabernacle and the offerings and all of this drawing near to God so that he will draw near to us is about him being with us. And someday soon, he will dwell with men and women forever. This God-with-us Emmanuel is Tetsaveh fulfilled. God dwelling among his people, not in tents, not in temples, but in flesh, and later, not only among us, but within us.

Paul says, "Messiah in you, the hope of glory." The dwelling place now moves into human hearts. God sanctifies not buildings, but lives. One of the most beautiful truths in Tetsaveh is this: God does not say he will dwell with perfect priests. He says he will dwell with faithful priests: daily offerings, daily prayers, daily obedience. Presence grows where faithfulness lives.

The New Testament book of Hebrews reveals the ultimate meaning of Parashat Tetsaveh. Yeshua is described as the high priest called by God, the one anointed by the spirit, the one clothed in righteousness, the one who bears names on his heart, the one who offers himself as sacrifice, the one who intercedes continually, the one who enters the true holy of holies. He does not minister in an earthly tent. He ministers in heaven itself, and his priesthood never ends. No garments fade, no incense stops, no sacrifice repeats, no intercession fails. This is eternal priesthood.

Tetsaveh does not stop with Aaron. It reaches forward into something even more astonishing. Scripture later declares you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation. This hearkens back to Sinai. It's Tetsaveh language. God now extends priesthood to all believers, not to replace Aaron, God forbid, but to fulfill God's original intention. Not a few priests, but a nation of priests.

Brother and sister, the rhythm of Tetsaveh continues in modern faith. Daily prayer, daily reflection, daily surrender, continual worship. Not just in holidays or miracles, but in quiet prayer, daily scripture, and simple obedience. Brother and sister, may the God who anointed his priests with oil anoint your life with his spirit. May the God who clothed his servants in glory clothe you with righteousness and peace. And may the God who dwelt among Israel in the wilderness dwell richly in your heart. May you live in holiness, serve in love, and shine with his presence. Shabbat Shalom.

Candace Long: You can hear Pastor Matt teach the Torah every Saturday morning from 6:00 to 6:30. So many listeners have told me how much they enjoy listening to him teach because the way he digs out the jewels inside each Torah portion is truly a gift. And listening to hour one first is the best way to learn from Shabbat Shalom because the rest of the program builds upon the foundation that he lays.

Coming up next is part two of Families Under Attack with Rejean Morrison. I hope you enjoyed last week's opening episode where we got to know Rejean and the unique way the Lord has taught her to counsel his children and bring about healing. Today's episode will deal with what she calls parenting traps. These are the unhealthy patterns that we can fall into that make life miserable for whoever is the caregiver in a particular situation. It doesn't have to be the parent because as you'll hear, there are many grandparents and other family members who are suddenly thrust into the role of caring for someone who, for whatever reason, is not able to care for themselves.

We're going to be talking about the three most common behavioral issues that wreak havoc on families. Number one is denial, which is a psychological defense mechanism to avoid facing uncomfortable truths. Number two is pretense, an elaborate attempt to cover up the mess you're really in to others around you. And codependency, which is defined as a dysfunctional relationship pattern where one person sacrifices their entire well-being to enable someone else. Join me in welcoming back Rejean Morrison.

I'm Candace Long, welcome to Families Under Attack with Rejean Morrison, who has been counseling families all over the world for over 50 years. If you missed our first episode last week, please listen to it. Families Under Attack is all about helping you make sense of the chaos that you may be experiencing in your family. If you want to learn more about Rejean's professional background, I refer you to her handout that's on our main page at shabbatshalomradio.com.

Each week, we're going to be discussing the top disruptors that are facing families today. And we'll be answering questions that you, the listening audience, send to us. So I want to assure you that all of our online discussion about your situation will be absolutely confidential with no names mentioned. So let us know what you need help with. Look for the button on our main page that says "email the show." Now the primary disruptor we're going to be discussing today is called parenting traps. Now before I bring Rejean on, I want to say that this trap does not refer just to parents, but also to grandparents or to other family members who may be functioning in that caregiver role. So Rejean, welcome back to Shabbat Shalom. I hope we didn't wear you out last time.

Rejean Morrison: No, it's great to be with you.

Candace Long: So tell us more about this particular disruptor and how families can recognize if it's happening in their home.

Rejean Morrison: As I share, I'm going to share a couple of stories and see if our listeners can maybe identify with some. Again, we're talking to parents, caregivers, family members, grandparents. Let me start with right now. The statistics are amazing with how many parents and grandparents, like 30% plus of those of us out there, are dealing with reparenting in some way, taking care of someone who's really struggling. A child, grandparent, other family member. So this is something that is affecting us worldwide in a mental healthcare crisis that even the World Health Organization is recognizing.

Candace Long: 30%? Wow.

Rejean Morrison: One in five adults are experiencing serious mental health issues that then require care of some sort. This is impacting us. When we talk about the spirit of the age, the enemy and his influence, it's clear to see there's an attack on the family like never before.

The first thing that I think we can do, and it's a normal thing, is deny that it's happening. We don't want to admit that it's happening in our family. There are all kinds of things attached to that, like shame. Even our faith. I should be doing it right. And why isn't this child right? What are they presenting? There's a sense of powerlessness, and so denial protects us in a way. If I don't have to see it or deal with it.

But after a while, and some listeners might remember years ago this lady named Kubler-Ross talked about stages of grief: denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance. Well, she didn't have the Lord in there. I've added two more stages. Death. We've got to face the loss. But we need God's resurrection power to help us do that. Wake up. There are signs and symptoms. You can read if your child is struggling with something. You have so much information around that, but there are barriers within our own hearts that don't want us to have to deal with that.

Candace Long: Do you find that there are inner battles within families where one of the spouses sees the problem and the other spouse is in denial?

Rejean Morrison: Absolutely. All the time. And even for parents, think about grandparents. We've had a lot more life and living. We have some wisdom to share, but as we share with our adult children who have their children and we're seeing things, they don't want to listen.

Candace Long: So what do you do in that situation?

Rejean Morrison: Well, you have to pray because this becomes a spiritual battle. "Lord, open their eyes because I'm not the influencer in their life." How many times have we realized my voice is not being heard? "Lord, send somebody else that will do it." I've given books to my children and they don't read it, or they read a little bit.

I think this powerlessness that we feel today, the problem is so big, surely it will go away. And then the pretense comes in. Pretense is really about pretending. I'll put on a face, I will act like everything is okay. People won't know because it's too shaming and I don't know what to do with it. So we become actors. Think about that even in the pulpit. How many pastors have put on that face and then we find out deeper issues are going on and there's a crash? We lose trust.

So pretending also protects from facing what's going on. And then we have codependency, which is I'm overly responsible. "It's all my fault." Let me just share a quick story of a family where we're talking multi-generational. A grandparent sees, "Gosh, I'm seeing some things in this grandchild of mine that are disconnections. He doesn't seem to be handling knowing how to look you in the eye. He's shy and quiet all the time and he's on his phone all the time." And I'm trying to tell, let's say, my son, "Hey, I see some warning signs." That son is afraid to take the phone away from his child because it's keeping him quiet and entertained.

That son, let's say, even knows that this isn't a good thing and is even aware of some demonic influences coming through because he's seen them a couple of times. He tries to put all the protectors in the phone but is still using that phone. And this, let's say, it's a two, three-year-old. What we know now is that the brain can't even handle technology until it's 12, and some research is saying 30 years old. Think about how many of us are being affected by that. So I'm going to keep coming back to this sense of powerlessness. If I'm in this world, how do I deal?

Candace Long: So if you're the grandparent, and we're not talking about your children now or anybody's children, but if you're the grandparent and you're seeing something in your son's child, and you say, "Heads up, I'm seeing something," now that probably will threaten the child's mother because she doesn't want another woman's voice coming in to parent her child.

Rejean Morrison: Or the son. "I want to parent that independent, not listening, not receiving that is again paramount today."

Candace Long: So what do you say to the grandparent? Because we can't keep our mouths shut and say nothing. So what do we do?

Rejean Morrison: Well, some of us, and this is all personality-based, so I just want to give an example, we correct a lot. We tell them what they should be doing because we know that makes sense. There's a really important word that doesn't create that bumping against one another like, "No, I'm the parent. Don't try to be the parent. Don't try to take my place." Just say, "I would love for you to consider this. Just consider it. See what you can find. You've got your own journey. You're the parent. I'm really concerned about this. Consider what I'm telling you."

Candace Long: Good. That's a good way to say it.

Rejean Morrison: That's a very gentle but powerful word and it gives the power back to them. Meanwhile, you're on your knees praying, and I think about the serenity prayer that we probably all know that is basically, "God, grant me the serenity because we don't have peace when we see those danger signs." We can begin to react in fear, try to take control that's not ours. I need to accept what I cannot change. I'm not the parent. I have influential power, but not parenting power. Even the parent doesn't have power like we used to. God grant me the peace to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

And we need to be praying, "Lord, show me your creative ways of engaging in a loving way that leaves the door open." It's not controlling, it's not correcting, it's being that influencer in how I share, how I'm praying for change, how I don't get super religious and boxed in because that is often a turn-off. But that I do a lot of "Jehovah sneakies." That's a little term I'm going to use a lot. "What is God saying to you about this?" If I know they're believers. "How's he challenging you? And are you willing to look for some help?" And then many times you'll hear that help doesn't make a difference. They don't want help. Think about a teenager now, same scenario.

Candace Long: So if they don't listen, things go on as is, what is likely to happen to that family?

Rejean Morrison: It gets worse. And then you begin to see, not only if it's the child or grandchild, their behaviors begin to manifest in a way. And it can happen suddenly. One of the things I work consulting with a Christian intensive outpatient program, they are having, and they also are associated with a Christian school, so it's believing families now are needing help more and more with their two and three-year-olds. Wow.

Part of this is more and more parents aren't around. Our whole way of living has changed. Kids aren't playing outside as much, on the screens. Parents are very permissive, not setting limits. The way of disciplining is don't ever spank. I know that can raise a lot of issues, but I believed in a good little whack. Boom. And time-outs and not giving in. Some of us have very strong-willed children. Having been a strong-willed child myself, I have many children who are strong-willed. But that consistency, not mixed messages of it's okay then it's not okay. That makes children feel safe. And so being able to do some basics, going back to the basics that we've forgotten because the world is saying do something different.

Candace Long: Let me bring up a question from a listener if I can at this point. And I encourage our listeners to write us if you're facing a situation in your family that you want us to deal with. She wrote, "My husband and I are born-again believers in the Lord. My son does whatever the government tells him to do, including taking the COVID shot. He's 40 years old, married with a young daughter, but believes everything the media and the government tell him. So we have a delicate relationship. We have tried to talk with him about the Lord, but he doesn't want to hear it. I appreciate your research and warnings of the end of days, but if I were to share your teachings with him, I'm afraid he would turn us into authorities as being crazy. We cannot talk about current events, let alone Christ. Any suggestions on how to keep a relationship with him?"

Rejean Morrison: Boy, that's so tough. I mean, it's around COVID, but that could be around so many different things where the "I'm going to do what I'm going to do, I'm not going to listen to you, you have no weight in my life" is basically what they're saying. One of the things we talk about is root work in our model. And that is what message does that send a parent? What messages are we sending our children? And we call those strongholds.

Listen to what that parent is hearing: "I'm not respected. I'm powerless. I'm not cared for or wanted. I have no voice." Do you hear the powerlessness that that creates? And that's heart work that that mom has an opportunity to take to the Lord. This is not denial; this is happening and it hurts. Because I want to protect my child, even if he's an adult, and I want to protect my grandchildren. But I'm not being listened to.

So I want to go back to that serenity prayer. It's happening. I'm being taken out now. I need to be built up because I want to love well. I want to model the Lord's love in this relationship. I can't influence. I'm not an influencer anymore. I have to accept that.

Candace Long: So if the door is shut to her, then does she just back off and spend her time in prayer and building herself up as far as who she can have influence with and trust that son to the Lord?

Rejean Morrison: Yes and no. Because I think as we work on our hearts and those think of arrows flying, when she's with him, landing in her heart. We're going to live out of those. So if I'm not respected, well then by golly, I'm going to tell you how it is and I'm going to make sure you hear me. And that creates a war. I can be shut down and just give up on the relationship by that as well.

But as the Lord builds me up and I know who I am in him, those truths of, "No, I am powerful in Christ. I can be powerful through my prayers. I can be powerful as I love him unconditionally without it's a 'Lord, I want to honor you with my life. I want to honor me, and I want to honor him.'"

Now help me know how to do that in a way that I'm modeling you and that's the wisdom of, no, we probably don't need to talk about COVID or politics right now. Where can I engage with him where he sees me as a loving mom who's loving him unconditionally? I'm not giving up on him. I may have some boundaries like what I talk about, what I don't talk about, and I don't like that. But I'm not going to let that take me out or drive me into such control that now we have no relationship or we're not talking. Where are those open doors that I can still do that while I pray? So it's actually living life with him, keeping the door open with healthy boundaries and wisdom while I'm on my knees a lot praying.

So I want us to think of, and this is not about who's right or wrong or whose fault it is. It's when we get our buttons pushed, that's language we use, and that's definitely what's happening with this. And yes, we want to protect our children, we want to see things go well, we want to have a voice. When we can't, start with our own heart and, "Lord, use this to grow me more, to model your love with him and be more sensitive that when I say certain things, those can be those negative 'I am's' he's picking up in his life. Lord, show me how to communicate in a new way."

Candace Long: If let's say she's in a trying to reach out to him and he comes back with one of those button-pushers that says, "I don't want to talk to you, you have nothing to say to me, you were never there for me," something that will really punch the button, is she supposed to just take that or does she say, "You know, that really hurts, but I love you enough to..." Should she admit that it hurts or does she just become this mealy-mouthed person to him that he feels like he has control over her?

Rejean Morrison: Well, you can share things like, and this is communication we're going to really do some root issues to help empower all of us, whoever's listening, to walk out what I'm talking about. But when these things happen, it's like, okay, of course he doesn't get it because he just did that. All right, Lord, that's affected me. I want to go to you. What's hitting me? What are your words of life? And I need to experience your healing. Remember that "I want to heal my people"? Because if when you say that to me, I really know not just in my flesh, but my head and heart are connected in the Lord's truth.

We can know a lot about head stuff, but our hearts can argue with that. The Lord wants to connect that in an empowering way so that when he says those things, I can look at him and say, "You know what, I love you, and I want to fight for our relationship."

Candace Long: Oh, that's good.

Rejean Morrison: And not get into the "you hurt me," because that's like telling him he has that power in a way. But, "What's happening right now, I don't want to do this because I love you. I want to fight for our relationship. And I want you to know I love you. I might not do it great, but I love you." And leave him with that, with a "consider what I'm saying." Sneak that one in there.

Now, this is hard because this is like looking at ourselves when these things are happening with the Lord for our growth and maturity when they're immature. Because right now she has no relationship with the grandchild. And see, that's that leverage of power that they have that's very real. It's tough being a grandparent. It's tough. And to live out what I'm talking about.

I've experienced this. We have six kids, so think about that one in five. I've experienced it and seen the fruit of what I'm talking about and seen it in so many others' lives who go through the retreat because our change, how we grow and mature, creates that ripple effect of really the Lord.

Candace Long: So you're saying that every hurt that comes at you, you take that back to its root that is in you that you need to deal with.

Rejean Morrison: Yeah, because what I believe, this is our model, affects how we're going to respond emotionally and do behaviorally. And so if I'm having the "I'm responsible, therefore, you know, I'm the protector and I'm going to tell you this is the way it is, I have to correct you all the time, make sure you're doing it right," I'm teaching my child they're powerless, they're inadequate. I'm building a cycle that is dysfunctional.

Think about codependency. I'm constantly taking care of you in a way that ultimately says you can't do it. So I'm creating an unhealthy pattern of relating out of what I'm believing, and I can change that in the Lord. That's what I want everybody to hear. When we recognize what those things are and we take them to the Lord humbly with a teachable spirit, receive his word of truth and encounter him, we become a change agent because we're willing to look at ourselves first and there can be a ripple effect. So I want you to hear the power and the hope in that.

Candace Long: Good. If you have a question or situation in your family you'd like Rejean to discuss, we would love to hear from you. Go to our main page at shabbatshalomradio.com and look for the button at the top that says "email the show." I'm Candace Long and you've been listening to Families Under Attack with Rejean Morrison. Join us next Saturday morning from 6:30 to 7:00. Shabbat Shalom.

If you have a question concerning needs in you or your family, please click the link on our main page at shabbatshalomradio.com that says "email the show." If you want to learn more about Rejean and the international ministry Healing for the Nations that she and her husband Steve founded in 1993, look for the link to the Rejean Morrison handout on our main page.

Coming up in the next hour, we welcome back Ask the Rabbi with Rabbi Michael Washer. Get ready to enjoy another lively discussion answering the questions that you have sent in. So if you want to send us your question, again, go to the link that says "email the show." If you miss something or you want to listen to something again, all of our programs are archived at the bottom of our main page by date, teacher, and topic, and they're available 24/7. They're also archived at 1place.com. Just put Shabbat Shalom in the search bar. Stay tuned for the second hour on WEZE AM 590, our media partner for shabbatshalomradio.com.