Shabbat Shalom

Candace Long: Good morning and welcome to Shabbat Shalom. I'm Candace Long, your host and producer. Before Pastor Matt McKeown comes to teach today's Torah portion, Vayikra, introducing us to the book of Leviticus, I want to point out that the teachings in this book form the training ground of the priests. And isn't that what Israel and we are appointed to be? A nation of priests.

Leviticus is the middle book in the Torah, sandwiched between Genesis and Exodus on the left and Numbers and Deuteronomy on the right. God designed the Torah's layout this way because content-wise, the heart of the Torah is here. Metaphorically, Leviticus is the Holy of Holies where God designed the book to be guarded and protected in the middle of the nation.

Now, during the 38 years as Israel journeyed to the kingdom, God kept this order throughout the journey. This was the way the people traveled, each in their preordained place. In the book of Numbers, we see how God designed the nation to travel. The 12 tribes were organized into four formations of three tribes each, known as banners. The four banners were Judah on the east, Reuben on the south, Ephraim on the west, and Dan on the north. And each banner included the colors of its three tribes with an insignia representative of its distinctive characteristic, matching its stone on the High Priest's breastplate.

Now, when they were given the signal to move and the cloud lifted, then parts of the Tabernacle moved out after Judah, but the more sacred parts, such as the Ark, were carried by priests and moved after Reuben. Now, what I want you to see here is that the Holy of Holies was surrounded by all the other tribes, showing us that we carry the light of Torah with us wherever we go. Throughout today's narratives, we're going to practice looking at what's happening in the world through the lens of the sacredness of the training we are receiving through the study of Torah.

Let's recite the Shema together. Shema Yisrael, Adonai Eloheinu, Adonai Echad. Hear, O Israel, the Lord is our God, the Lord is one. Baruch shem kavod malchuto l'olam va'ed. Blessed is the name of His glorious kingdom for all eternity.

And the last section. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words which I set up for you this day shall be upon your heart, and you shall teach them diligently to your children. You shall speak of them when you sit in your house, when you walk on the way, when you lie down and when you rise. And you shall bind them as a sign upon your arm and as frontlets between your eyes. And you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and in your gates.

Matt McKeown: Good morning once again, dear friends, and welcome once again to Shabbat Shalom, where every week we open the Torah together and discover the rich Jewish roots that nourish our Christian faith. I'm Pastor Matt McKeown and today we begin a brand new book of the Torah, the book of Leviticus, with the portion called Parashat Vayikra.

The word Vayikra means "and He called." And right away, that first word tells us something important about the heart of God. God calls. He invites. He reaches out. He draws people toward Himself. The book of Leviticus sometimes gets a reputation as a difficult book. Many people open it and immediately see the lists of sacrifices, rituals, and priestly instructions and think, "What does this have to do with my life today?"

But when we step back and look at the bigger picture, Leviticus is actually answering one of the most important questions of the Bible: How can sinful human beings approach a holy God? At the end of the book of Exodus, something extraordinary had happened. The Tabernacle had been built. The people had brought their offerings. The craftsmen had finished their work. And the glory of the Lord descended.

God's presence filled the Tabernacle so powerfully that even Moses could not enter. Imagine standing there in the wilderness and seeing that cloud of glory resting on the sanctuary. The Creator of heaven and earth dwelling in the middle of a desert camp. But that moment raises a problem. If God is truly holy, if His presence is overwhelming, how can ordinary people come near? That is the question Leviticus answers.

The opening verse says, "The Lord called to Moses and spoke to him from the tent of meeting." This is an important shift in the story of the Torah. Earlier, in the book of Exodus, God spoke from Mount Sinai. Thunder, lightning, smoke, the mountain shaking. But now God speaks from the tent of meeting. God has moved from the mountain into the midst of the people. The Creator is no longer speaking from a distant summit. He is speaking from the center of the camp.

That tells us something beautiful about God's heart. God is not interested in remaining distant. He desires relationship. He desires closeness. He desires to dwell among His people. But approaching a holy God requires preparation. It requires humility. And it requires a way to deal with sin. And that's where the sacrificial system begins.

In English, we use the word sacrifice, but the Hebrew word in Leviticus is actually quite different. The word is Corban. And Corban comes from the Hebrew root word Karov, which means "to draw near." So the sacrifices described in Leviticus are not merely about giving something up. They're about coming close to God. That is a very important shift in perspective. The goal is not loss, not literally we're sacrificing something, we're giving up something. The goal is relationship. God is teaching His people a pathway to approach Him.

Notice something remarkable about all these instructions. God does not say, "If you sin, you must bring me an offering." Instead, the Torah begins with this phrase: "When anyone among you brings an offering to the Lord." This language is voluntary. It's the language of invitation. God is not forcing people to come near. He's inviting them. Remember, love cannot be coerced. Relationship must be chosen.

So the sacrificial system begins with a simple idea. If your heart desires to come close to God, here is how you do it. The Tabernacle itself was called the tent of meeting. This name is deeply significant. It's not called the tent of ritual. It's not called the tent of rules. It's called the tent of meeting. It was the place where heaven and earth intersected. The place where the Creator and His people encountered one another.

Jewish tradition teaches that the Tabernacle was like a miniature reflection of creation itself. Just as God walked with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, the Tabernacle became a place where God once again dwelt with humanity. In a sense, the Tabernacle was a step toward restoring the intimacy that had been lost in Eden. We discussed this last week as we talked about the furnishings, especially the menorah, in the Tabernacle which mirrors the Tree of Life.

The Torah begins by saying, "If his offering is a burnt offering from the herd." Notice again that word "if." The burnt offering was often voluntary. This means the person bringing the offering was not simply responding to guilt or obligation. They were responding to desire, a desire to draw near to God. A desire to express devotion. A desire to acknowledge that everything ultimately belongs to God.

The person bringing the offering would bring the animal to the entrance of the tent of meeting and the Torah says something interesting. It says the offering must be without blemish. In the ancient world, animals were valuable. They represented wealth, livelihood, and survival. When God required an offering without blemish, He was teaching a principle. God deserves our best. Not our leftovers, not the broken pieces, not the things we no longer want, but the best of what we have.

Jewish commentators often say that giving God the best reminds the worshiper that everything we have already belongs to Him. The offering becomes an act of gratitude. A recognition that our lives and resources come from God's provision. One of the most striking elements of the sacrificial process is how personally involved the worshiper is.

The Torah tells us that the person bringing the offering must place their hand on the head of the animal. This gesture is symbolic. It represents identification. The worshiper is acknowledging that the offering represents them. In a sense, the animal stands in their place before God. The person bringing the sacrifice then participates in the process as the animal is prepared for the altar. This makes this moment deeply personal. Sacrifice was never meant to be mechanical. It was meant to be meaningful.

Leviticus repeatedly says that the burnt offering becomes a "pleasing aroma to the Lord." Now, of course, God literally does not need the smell of smoke. Jewish teachers often explain that this phrase describes God's pleasure in obedience and devotion. The aroma represents the heart behind the offering. When someone comes before God with humility and sincerity, that devotion rises like incense before Him.

Psalm 141 echoes this idea. "Let my prayer be counted as incense before you." The offering becomes a picture of a life lifted toward God. Because the Olah offering, the whole burnt offering, was entirely consumed, it became the ultimate symbol of complete surrender. Nothing is kept back. Everything belongs to God. It is reduced to ash.

The worshiper is essentially saying, "Lord, my entire life, everything, belongs to you." This offering teaches that drawing near to God is not simply about ritual. It's about the posture of the heart. True worship involves surrender, trust, and dedication.

In addition to voluntary offerings, burnt offerings were also brought every morning and evening in the Tabernacle and later on in the Temple. These were called the Tamid offerings, meaning the "continual offering." Every day began and ended with an offering rising toward God. This created a rhythm of worship. Morning and evening, beginning and end. The life of Israel was framed by devotion to God. This reminds us that worship is not just a once-a-week activity. It's meant to shape the rhythm of everyday life.

Over time, Israel sometimes forgot this lesson. In the prophets, we see moments where God rebukes the people, not because sacrifices were wrong, but because the heart behind them had disappeared. The prophet Isaiah records God saying, "These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me." The ritual without devotion had become empty. God always cared more about the heart than the ritual itself. The sacrifices were meant to express relationship, not replace it.

Parashat Vayikra challenges us with an important question. If the burnt offering represents total devotion, what areas in our lives do we still hold back from God? The burnt offering teaches us that drawing near to God begins with surrender. But Parashat Vayikra does not stop there. The next offering described in the Torah is very different. It's called the grain offering and instead of symbolizing surrender, it represents something else. It represents gratitude. It represents daily provision and it reminds us that even the ordinary work of our hands can become an offering to God. We'll explore that next.

As Parashat Vayikra continues, the Torah introduces a second type of offering called the grain offering, or in Hebrew, the Mincha. Unlike the burnt offering we just explored, this offering does not involve an animal at all. Instead, it involves something seemingly much simpler. Flour, oil, and incense. At first glance, this might seem less significant than the sacrifices involving animals, but in reality, the grain offering carries a powerful message about daily life, gratitude, and the work of our hands.

While the burnt offering symbolized total surrender, the grain offering represents dedication of everyday life to God. The grain offering came from the produce of the land. Fine flour, olive oil, sometimes baked into loaves or cakes. These ingredients were staples of life in the ancient world. They represented the results of farming, harvesting, grinding, and preparing food.

In other words, the grain offering represented human labor combined with God's provision. The farmer plants the seed, but God sends the rain. The farmer cultivates the soil, but God brings the harvest. So when someone brought a grain offering to the Tabernacle, they were essentially acknowledging, "Everything I have comes from God."

The Torah specifies that the flour must be fine flour. This detail might seem small, but it actually carries symbolic meaning. Fine flour is the result of careful grinding and preparation. It takes time and effort to produce. Jewish commentators often point out that this represents the refinement of human life. Our lives are shaped through experiences, challenges, and growth.

When we bring our lives before God, we bring the product of everything that we have been through. God is not only interested in grand moments of surrender. He also cares about the daily work, the effort, and the growth that shape our lives. The grain offering was mixed with olive oil and often accompanied by frankincense. Oil in the Bible often symbolizes joy, blessing, and the presence of the spirit.

Frankincense represents prayer rising to God. Together, these ingredients create a beautiful picture. The work of our hands combined with the joy of God's presence and the prayers of our hearts becomes an offering to Him. Part of the offering was burned on the altar as a memorial portion and the rest was given to the priests as food. This reminds us that offerings to God also supported the spiritual life of the community.

One of the most interesting instructions in the grain offering is that it must contain no leaven. Leaven or yeast causes dough to rise. In many places in scripture, leaven symbolizes corruption or pride that spreads through something. By removing leaven, the offering represented purity and sincerity. God desires hearts that are genuine, not inflated or puffed up by pride, not corrupted by selfish motives. Just simple devotion offered honestly before Him.

Another fascinating detail appears in Leviticus chapter 2, verse 13. The Torah commands, "You shall season all your grain offerings with salt." Salt was extremely valuable in the ancient world. It preserved food and prevented decay. Because of this, salt became a symbol of enduring covenant. Jewish tradition calls this the salt of the covenant. Adding salt to the offering symbolized faithfulness and permanence. God's covenant with His people was not temporary. It was lasting, stable, reliable. Every grain offering was a reminder that God's promises endure.

The grain offering is closely connected with the idea of firstfruits. Throughout scripture, the first portion of the harvest was dedicated to God. This practice reminded the people that God was the true source of provision. Giving the first portion required trust. It meant acknowledging that future harvest was also in God's hands. Gratitude and trust go hand in hand. When we recognize God as the source of our blessing, generosity becomes natural.

So far in Parashat Vayikra, we have seen two powerful pictures of worship: the burnt offering, which shows us total surrender, and the grain offering, which shows us gratitude for daily provision. But now the Torah introduces another offering that teaches something completely different. It is called the peace offering and it reveals a beautiful truth about fellowship with God. Because at the heart of covenant relationship is not only surrender and gratitude, but also shared joy and communion. We'll explore that next.

As Parashat Vayikra continues, we enter a third type of offering called the peace offering, or in Hebrew, the Zevach Shelamim. The word Shelamim comes from the same Hebrew word as the word Shalom. Shalom means peace, but it carries a much deeper meaning than simply the absence of conflict. Shalom means wholeness, harmony, restoration, and well-being. The peace offering was therefore offered as an offering that celebrated restored relationship with God.

Unlike the burnt offering, which was completely consumed, and unlike the grain offering, which was mostly given to the priests, the peace offering was shared. Part of the animal was burned on the altar, part was given to the priests, and part was eaten by the person who brought the offering. This meant the peace offering became something very special. It became a sacred meal shared in the presence of God.

In the ancient world, sharing a meal carried enormous significance. Eating together symbolized friendship, trust, and covenant relationship. When two people shared a table, they were declaring peace between them. So the peace offering represented something beautiful. It was a celebration that peace existed between God and the worshiper. The person bringing the offering could literally sit down and eat part of the sacrifice in the presence of the Lord.

Imagine that moment. The Tabernacle standing in the center of the camp. The altar burning, priests serving, and families sharing a meal that symbolized their fellowship with God. This wasn't merely ritual. It was relationship. The peace offering was often brought in moments of thanksgiving. When someone experienced God's blessing, when prayers were answered, when life brought unexpected goodness, people came to the Tabernacle to celebrate that blessing before God.

This reminds us that worship is not only about repentance or surrender. Sometimes worship is simply celebrating God's goodness. Throughout scripture, we see this theme repeated. God delights when His people rejoice in His presence. Jewish tradition identifies three main categories of peace offerings. The first was the thanksgiving offering, brought in response to God's help or deliverance. The second was called the vow offering. This was brought when someone fulfilled a promise they had made to God. The third was something called a freewill offering, brought simply because someone desired to express love and gratitude toward God.

All three reflect something important. Relationship with God includes celebration. Joy is a legitimate form of worship. Now one detail that is repeated throughout the instructions for the peace offering is that the fat of the animal must be burned on the altar. The fat was considered the richest, best portion. By offering it to God, the worshiper acknowledged that the best part belonged to Him.

This principle appears throughout the scripture. God receives the first and the best. Not because He needs it, but because it shapes our hearts. When we give God the best, we remind ourselves that everything comes from Him. One of the most powerful aspects of the peace offering is its emphasis on joy. The sacrificial system sometimes gets misunderstood as gloomy or burdensome. But the peace offering reveals something different. It reveals celebration. The worshiper isn't standing far away in fear. They're sitting down at a table in fellowship. This is the heart of God's covenant relationship. God desires peace with His people.

The Hebrew concept of Shalom runs throughout the entire Bible. It begins in the Garden of Eden where humanity lived in harmony with God. But sin disrupted that harmony. Throughout scripture, God works to restore it. The prophets spoke of a coming day when peace would fill the earth. A day when swords would be turned into plowshares. A day when justice and righteousness would flourish. The peace offering foreshadows that restoration. It reminds us that God's ultimate goal is reconciliation.

In Parashat Vayikra, we've now seen three offerings that teach us about approaching God. The burnt offering shows surrender. The grain offering shows gratitude. And the peace offering shows fellowship and joy. But the Torah also addresses another reality of human life. Sin. Because even in a covenant relationship with God, people sometimes fail. The next offering in Leviticus addresses that reality.

As Parashat Vayikra continues, the Torah introduces this category. Every human being encounters failure, mistakes, sin. The sacrifices we've discussed so far, the burnt offering, the grain offering, and the peace offering, emphasize devotion, gratitude, and fellowship. But what happens when we hurt others? When we dishonor God?

The Torah answers that question with clarity. There is a path back. We have what is called the sin offering or in Hebrew, the Chatat. The Hebrew root of this word, Chet, means to miss the mark. It's the same idea used in archery when an arrow fails to hit the target, it has missed the mark.

One of the fascinating elements of Leviticus chapter 4 is instructions are given depending on who committed the sin. If the High Priest sinned, there's a specific offering. If the entire community sinned, there's another offering. If a leader sinned, it was another offering. If an ordinary individual sinned, there was also a way to bring restoration. And this teaches us an important truth about the Torah's view of responsibility. Everyone matters. Leaders matter, and communities matter. Individuals matter.

Sin affects the very fabric of our lives. Leviticus says that when someone becomes aware of their sin, they are to acknowledge it before God. Forgiveness begins with honesty and with humility. Closely related to this sin offering is another offering called the guilt offering or the Asham. This offering addressed situations where someone's actions caused harm to another person or to sacred property and it required making restitution.

This teaches an important principle. True repentance is more than saying, "I'm sorry." It involves repairing what has been damaged. In the heart of the sacrificial system, we see this. The burnt offering teaches surrender. The grain offering teaches gratitude. The peace offering teaches fellowship. The sin offering teaches forgiveness. And the guilt offering teaches restoration.

Together, they form a pathway. A way for people to draw near to God. To maintain relationship and experience renewal when things go wrong. What I like to say in my congregation is: when you get it wrong, make it right. At the heart of Parashat Vayikra, there is a powerful message. God doesn't push people away when they fail. He Himself has provided a way back. He calls. He invites. He opens the path to restoration. The entire sacrificial system exists because God desires relationship with His people.

As I close today, let me offer you this final blessing. May the God who called Moses from the tent of meeting call each of us closer into His presence. May we respond with surrendered hearts, grateful lives, and joyful fellowship. And may we always remember that when we fall short, the path of repentance leads us back into the arms of a gracious and faithful God. May the peace of the Lord rest on you this Shabbat and all throughout your week. Shabbat Shalom.

Candace Long: Coming up next is part five of Families Under Attack with mental health counselor Rejanne Morrison. Here is a real-life example looking at what's happening through the eyes of the Torah. Just yesterday, there was a news report about a high school teacher who was killed in what investigators say was a prank gone wrong. Now, this flagged my attention because it was the high school my son attended.

Apparently, a group of five teenagers had gone over to their favorite teacher's house to roll his trees with toilet paper. Now, when the teacher came outside, the group ran to two vehicles to make their getaway. The teacher tripped in the street and was hit by one of the trucks. And when they discovered what happened, the teens stopped and they tried to help him until the first responders arrived.

Sadly, the teacher died and all of the teens were arrested with the driver charged with first-degree vehicular homicide. Now, I texted a close friend to see if she knew the people and she responded by saying that the parents of the teacher's wife went to the church that I used to attend. And she added quote, "The wife will not bring charges against the kids. This was so like them," unquote.

Now, what she said just didn't sit right with me, no matter how admirable it sounded. And I texted back quote, "But if I were the teens' parents, I would have each child help the widow on a regular basis since they took her husband. They should help repair the damage their foolish behavior caused. That would be a life lesson never forgotten and take accountability for their actions," unquote.

Now, this was my immediate knee-jerk response and I was preaching the Torah, which includes the need for accountability and justice since a precious life was taken. These are difficult days. Let's welcome Rejanne Morrison. I'm Candace Long. Welcome to Families Under Attack with Rejanne Morrison, helping you make sense of the chaos that you may be experiencing in your family.

Now, the primary disruptor we're focusing on today is entitlement. Everything is about me, what I want, and I want it now. And as you're going to see, this character trait is so disruptive on families that we are devoting two segments to it. Rejanne, welcome back to Entitlement part one.

Rejanne Morrison: It's great to be here.

Candace Long: Well, first, before we begin, let me put today's program into perspective. Today's Torah portion is Vayikra, which begins the book of Leviticus, which is probably the most challenging book in the Torah. And it focuses on what God expects from those who serve Him as priests or ministers. And that's what scripture tells us we are to become in the kingdom: a nation of priests. And we are definitely lined up with a season when God has lessons to teach us. And of course, these lessons, as you know, start in the home. So how does entitlement fit into this picture and why is it so disruptive?

Rejanne Morrison: Well, as you said in the introduction, it's all about me. Entitlement is all about me, what I want and what I believe I deserve. And we have a generation of very entitled people around now. And having it now becomes God. So entitlement, think of it as an idol. If I can get what I need right now, then I'm safe and secure. God is hearing me and I'm entitled to receive this. Well, it's not so much that He's hearing it, I'm hearing it because it's my way and you know, this is the problem. There's a big "I" in entitlement and a big "now". It's a learned behavior that reflects the spirit of the age right now. Everything is about me and I'm reminded of Lucifer with his "I wills."

Candace Long: Is there any part of entitlement that is a normal phase of a child's growth that they just kind of grow through, or is this a new manifestation of it that is absolutely demonic?

Rejanne Morrison: No, developmentally when you think about children, they go through very, I mean three big stages are dependency, independence, and then interdependence, where we need each other. And we know the Lord created us for relationship with Him. And He gave us this crazy thing called a will where we can say no. And what I love about the Lord, we teach this on our retreats, He's a gentleman. I love that southern term. Yes. And this is a wild crazy thought. He honors our yes and our no because He gave us a will. Now that doesn't mean He likes it, but He honors that choice.

And when we see children, and when I was raising my children, everybody marked it as the terrible twos, the two-year-old where children start to learn the word what? No. Now it seems to be the terrible threes, fours. The entitlement takes it on through if we don't deal with it. So it's a learned behavior.

Candace Long: All right, so wait a minute, you said something very interesting. You said if we learn to deal with it. So is there something in our culture that parents are not either able to deal with it or they're choosing not to?

Rejanne Morrison: Well, let me give you a couple of examples of parenting choices that help create this, okay? And as I share this with the listeners, all of us who have had children feel guilty. So let's start with that one. As we look back, we all look at what we could have, should have done because our children help us grow up as well. They help us learn about love in a new way. So don't feel guilty. In the Lord, He's the redeemer and He can always help us, no matter what age. I've been doing a re-do with my 52-year-old son. And it's amazing the redemptive power of the Lord.

But here are some things I think are important. Parents who were abused or neglected by their parents set out to undo their childhood by giving their kids too much power. So if we think of those stronghold beliefs, if I grew up as a parent I'm powerless, and all the trauma that came from that and neglect and abuse. And you know, trauma doesn't have to be big, big things.

In my life, my mother wasn't really happy with me. And the message I got non-verbally and verbally, she could be pretty verbal with her dislike, was that I'm not enough, something's wrong with me. I was a little girl who would rather climb up in a tree and hang upside down than wear pretty dresses. And you know, she was the quintessential southern belle, okay? And I was real close with my dad and she was jealous of that. She had some personality-kind of issues.

So over time, that can create some damage. Now I'd love to say the redemptive power of the Lord, we worked that out really well, okay? But those things impact us. So it's not just the big traumas that I want people to hear. But you know, we give our kids too much power. We want them to be happy and healthy. It comes out of good things. But for instance, I know a couple and the wife, she has smaller children and she fits this category, her childhood was pretty awful. And one of the things that she says that sounds great, but she's got a two- and a four-year-old, and this has been forever with the four-year-old, "What do you need? What do you need?" It's all about what do you need, can mommy help you.

Now that sounds wonderful and it has its place. But if we don't let the child fail a little bit and figure it out, there's a balance in that as well, okay? We're teaching I will be here for you for whatever you need to the extreme. I want you to hear extremes as I share. So parents who suffer from anxiety and can't stand to see their children struggle, fix everything and overindulge. So think about the temper tantrums that happen and the pattern that we set and we talked about that in a previous session. I mean that's very real. It's like I had somebody, a grandparent yesterday in our prayer group talking about taking care of her grandchildren and she's got one that's I think four, five years old I believe, and she's like, "I know this is terrible but I'm so afraid she's going to throw a tantrum and I'm old and I can't run after, I just give her what she wants to quiet her."

So we have to be aware of those things and patterns we can create. And the last one, parents who have trouble making decisions shift the parenting role to their child. Raising the child to take care of them instead of them taking care of the child. You know, we know that we need to train up our children in the way that they should go, in God's way. And we've got to take our place with authority. We're modeling that authority of the Lord.

Candace Long: How does a parent switch gears when you know, like people who are listening and they're saying, "Yes, I agree with that. I've been too permissive. I'm going to change things now." And the child has grown up with this permissive parent, how does a parent reclaim the power in the home?

Rejanne Morrison: So what I'm doing with my 52-year-old son, he's had a, I'm disclosing a little bit, you know, he was diagnosed with diabetes type 1 and really should have died. And the cool thing about that, I want to bring back the power of intercessory prayer, which is really important in all of this. I, he was living so I'm divorced, he was living with his dad at the time, okay, because he was having some struggles at home. And so they didn't tell me anything was going on health-wise. And in the middle of the night, the Lord woke me up, put me on my knees. I knew I was praying for my son, but I didn't know what. I knew it was critical and life-threatening. So I'm interceding in that vein.

The next morning I wake up, my ex-brother-in-law, who was the doctor on call that night when they brought him into ER, said, "I've got something to tell you." He told me about what had happened. He said his blood sugar was almost 1,000, he should not be alive. And I said what time, because I was on my knees praying. It was the actual hours that I was praying. And then at 3:00 in the morning I'm like whatever it is, it's okay, and that's when he said they really got control.

Well, he lived with that. That's a terrible disease. And I'm sharing this because I want listeners to know they are very real problems from either neurobehavioral issues with children, physical debilitating diseases that kind of set us up for these things, right? So you know, we did a lot wrong with him. And the re-do is I have to start with me. I want parents to hear. We've got to start with ourselves. Why am I doing what I'm doing? Come Holy Spirit, show me because I can't just change my behavior. I have to have a heart change with you, Lord. You've got to do a work in my heart.

And you know, I felt guilty, so I tried to make up for years and walked on eggshells with him. But as the Lord began to heal me, I could model something different with him because that authority that I needed and trust in the Lord that I needed, the way I communicated with him became very different. It wasn't out of what I would call those stronghold beliefs, okay? I was able to accept him but have wisdom. So I want to take people back to the Serenity Prayer as well, okay? I need the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference, right? What does he need to own and do?

So what I want to encourage the listeners is as we do our work, I'm not saying it's all our fault as parents, but we can be the change agent in the relationship with God's help. We can create a new relational dance. Think of entitlement as a very ungodly, unhealthy dance that we've taught our children to do.

Candace Long: But isn't the core of it lack of compassion and caring for other people? That if parents are other-oriented, if we are giving, modeling giving of ourselves, serving other people, does that not help show a concern for others rather than me, me, me?

Rejanne Morrison: It does, but remember think of the pattern. What overall, we need to connect with the messages. So use the mom saying, "What do you need? What do you need?" That's a great thing. But if there's too much of that, the message you're sending the child is, "Well, I can't do it on my own. You're going to be here, you're going to be here to fix it and give me what I need right now." Do you kind of make that connection?

Candace Long: What is the long-term, if this is not corrected, what happens?

Rejanne Morrison: And this, I mean, we can see this in a 30-year-old today. We're having adults fail to launch, meaning they're not really able to deal with life and conflict and it's a "You take care of me" entitlement. So there's low frustration tolerance. There's not an ability to emotionally regulate. You know, I shared in a session about a little girl that had to be walked up and down the halls in Sunday school because she just threw a fit and couldn't get over it. That's what regulation is. I can be upset, that's a normal development thing for a child. But how long does it take them to come back and work through that? We want, that's what we have to do as adults, right? We can't throw a temper tantrum.

There's a lot of weak problem-solving skills because I mean we do have needs, but how do we balance that out in the context of the environment that we're in? I've already talked about a poor work ethic. I mean, we have a thing called "ghosting" now that goes on. I don't know if you've heard of that. But when I was running a residential treatment center and we needed to hire mentors who were 21 and older, usually in the age range of 21 to 30, and this was back from 2011. I left there in 2019, so this isn't even current. This is an ongoing issue. We would have these younger people, graduates of university, most of them, who you would think you have hired somebody and then you would never hear from them. That's ghosting.

They disappear on you. You know, there's not a real sense of responsibility and loyalty and follow-through.

Candace Long: And that's related to entitlement?

Rejanne Morrison: That is related to a lot of these things that are going on generationally right now. And entitlement. It's like, "Well, they don't matter, I need to do something else, so forget about it." There's no social etiquette. That might be a little bit different way. And in the workplace that is pervasive. And so you really can't count on them to grow in a career or come under authority and learn and respect authority.

So you know, the social problems, you've got to be the center of attention and real emotional delays. We talked about empathy before. Again, you know, going back to the work ethic, that's a great example of I'm not thinking about how this impacts the greater whole. Now think about kingdom and being part of the body of Christ and that impact. So there's just a real spiritual immaturity because of developmental immaturity.

Candace Long: Talk about the practice of divorce, remarriage, and blending families when you've got children in there that are from different families and you've got passive-aggressive behavior wanting to get attention because all of a sudden you're thrown into this thing that is out of your control. Does this aggravate the issue?

Rejanne Morrison: Let's put it in the context of the environment that we find ourselves today with social media. So when the family breaks and again, you know, I shared my situation, there was a brokenness there. And when you look back, you go, "Wow, if I knew," I mean, we have a ministry where we're helping people not do that, right, today.

I think for me, two things. One, I didn't have any voices to speak into my life and I'm not so sure I would have let anybody because of my own shame. That's the heart work that we need to do. So we have a situation where there's brokenness. And now the world that our children are influenced by through social media, the internet, is another parent, another best friend, the influencers of family because that becomes broken.

And think about even, I'm sure there are listeners who are grandparents. Today because there's so many other influences, our voices are silenced more. That's where prayer comes in, so much more importantly. We can always pray. So yes, the doors are opened because of these other, first of all the brokenness, the children are, "I'm not safe. Where do I find my people? Where can I be accepted?" And here we have the internet and the influencer.

And then how the enemy, our enemy, takes hold of all of that. Because these negative heart beliefs that I've been talking about that we work with on the retreat are being built up and that's the enemy's ground: those "I'm not safe," "I don't belong," "I'm not special." So you know what? I'll either shut down, become depressed, suicidal, withdraw. The enemy activity intensifies this. Or I'm going to become super entitled and everything is about me. So spiritually, we're at war.

Candace Long: Are you seeing more of this now than you ever have? Because I would imagine that this is why a lot of children are still living at home when they're 30. They don't have the social skills to go out and form healthy relationships. So what does a parent do in that regard?

Rejanne Morrison: Again, I want to keep it simple. We have to do our work because when the children come back and there's a wonderful thing about that, that they can come back, find that re-do. I love trauma-informed care, Karyn Purvis at Texas Christian University started that, and that's one of her phrases: a re-do. Well, we want to do a re-do. We don't want to do the same old thing that we did when they were younger. So that's where being healthy and having new boundaries and the opportunity to train them up in a new way becomes possible. And that, my story is good, that's happened in our life. It's possible.

Now, we also know that part of the complications that are happening is a rise in mental illness, we talked about that, and also physically debilitating issues that parents struggle with that to balance that out where we're still helping those adult children not feel entitled but have a healthy dependency in those situations where they're truly dependent. And we've got to be able to discern that. And that comes out of our personal growth with the Lord and how He teaches us and helps us know what to do.

Candace Long: I had a neighbor one time who had an only son and he was a real troublemaker when he was an adolescent and he got into drugs and carried a gun and was arrested and you know, just really made life horrible. And they were trying to appease him, help him in any way possible. And I remember one day I hadn't seen them in a while and hadn't seen the boy. And I asked the mother because they were very committed believers and she told me that he had been out of the home.

And I said, "I know that you all struggled with him. What would you do if all of a sudden he came back to you and said, 'I've learned my lesson, I don't have anywhere to go, I'm absolutely broke, can I come home?'" And she said, "Well, we really went to prayer about this because we had been so disrupted. But we knew that we could not allow him back in the home again. And we said, 'I trust that we have given you the skills that you need, that I have every confidence that the Lord will lead you in where you need to go, but you will not be able to come back into the home again.'" Because she was then worried about having the boys left alone without any supervision at all. So we agreed to live separately. We did not divorce, we did not legally separate, but we set up two individual households.

It was a sacrifice, but I knew that my husband needed to spend more time with his son and that that's what he needed, the boy needed. And we lived separately for quite a while. I don't know whether we did the right thing or not, but you know, if you cannot maintain discipline in your home and if part of the family is suffering and endangered, a parent has to make difficult choices.

Rejanne Morrison: They do. And what I love is that they prayed about that and they knew that they needed to take that stand, okay? Well, I mentioned that I ran, I was the executive director at a Christian residential treatment center that served kids from 12 to 18. And the very nature of that residential program was to provide a safe place that work could be done. So there're options. You had an option, it worked for you. There're options. I would just share with parents: NATSAP is a great referral, the National Association of Therapeutic Schools and Programs. You can shop and pray. There're also local counselors. Make sure they're good. There's hope.

Candace Long: Yes, and then there're also homes for troubled teenagers. The Paul Anderson Youth Home is a perfect example. They work with troubled teenage boys. There is hope and if you have a question or a situation going on in your family that you'd like Rejanne to discuss, please submit it. Go to ShabbatShalomRadio.com and look at the button at the top that says "Email the Show." I'm Candace Long and you've been listening to Families Under Attack with Rejanne Morrison. Join us next Saturday morning from 6:30 to 7:00. Shabbat Shalom.

To listen to this program again, it's available in our archives at the bottom of our main Shabbat Shalom page. They're arranged by date, teacher, and topic. You can also listen anytime on OnePlace.com. Just make sure you put Shabbat Shalom in the search bar. To learn more about Rejanne Morrison, you'll find her handout on our main page. Coming up in the next hour is another lively discussion with Ask the Rabbi with Rabbi Michael Washer. We are so glad to have you studying the Torah with us today. Stay tuned for the second hour on WEZE AM 590, our media partner for ShabbatShalomRadio.com.