Richard Ellis Talks

Richard Ellis: Don't do life alone. I'm not now just talking about marriage. If you're supposed to be married, great, and marriage is a tremendous thing, but there is a place... Listen to me. There is a place for women having relationship with other women, men with other men, and it doesn't go well for men especially when you don't have that in your life.

Guest (Male): Welcome to Richard Ellis Talks with Richard Ellis. Richard's going to take the next few minutes to share some great words of hope and insight for you. In today's broken world, that is something everyone is desperate to hear. Richard shares unapologetically the truth of the Bible in a way that's clear, relational, and uplifting.

So, thank you for taking this time to listen. We know it will bless you. When you have a moment, you might want to check out our website so we can stay connected with you: richardellis.com. Right now, let's go ahead and get things off and running with today's talk. Here's Richard Ellis.

Richard Ellis: The title today's message is Solo Dolo. Turn to Genesis chapter 2. By the way, this is an old slang phrase, solo dolo. It means you're going solo, but dolo on the down low. Right? Somebody probably explained it better than me. It's actually a song by the same title.

Here's where we're going. I spend most of my time sitting with people. A ton of the people that I spend time with are completely, almost completely isolated. Part of the reason they're in trouble is they're flying solo. You were never intended to be alone.

Genesis chapter 2. It only took God one chapter to get everything created. He's quick. He speaks, and things happen. He says words, and universes appear. He gets everything made, and then Genesis chapter 2, let's pick up verse 15. Then the Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it.

The Lord God commanded the man, saying, "Out of every tree of the garden, you may freely eat, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it, you shall surely die." The Lord God said, "It is not good that man should be alone. I will make a helper comparable to him."

Point something out. Adam knew about this tree. God told Adam about this tree before Eve was even made. This is on Adam. But something is not good finally. Everything God did, it's good, it's good, it's good. Now, something is not good. It is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him, not exactly like him.

Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. Whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. Adam gave a name to all the cattle, the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. I like the way this is put because I need help. My wife is a tremendous helper. I would not do well by myself.

You show me a man who is surrounded by godly men. Either he's going to ditch those godly men or he is going to become a godly man. It's not magic. It's miraculous, but it's a choice. If you don't like who you are, look at who you're running with. If you ain't running with anybody, that's probably why you're a mess.

But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. The Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept and took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh in its place. First surgery. This is unbelievable stuff, by the way. You ought to slow down and read this. This is God putting Adam to sleep, first anesthesia. He's pulling a rib and sewing him back up.

Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man, he made into a woman, and he brought her to the man. Adam said, "This is now bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh, and she shall be called woman because she was taken out of man." Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother, be joined to his wife, they shall become one flesh, and they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

It's one of the coolest things in the world. Ecclesiastes 4. This is replete through the scriptures, but it is so obviously implied or just there you don't even sometimes see how much of this is in the scriptures. This thing about being together is massive. You see Jesus spending a little bit of time alone here and there with the Father. That's a thing.

There's a time to be alone with God. There's a time to be alone just yourself. Get away from men, and men even want to get away from women. That's why we kill things. There's that, but there's not this prolonged, sustained being apart. Together is a deal. Why is gathering as a church together so important? In person, physically together? Because there's just something about this.

Ecclesiastes 4:9: "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him, and a threefold cord is not quickly broken."

People get all sexual with verse 11. Let me tell you something. You get men out in the cold somewhere, and it's either die or spoon, you're spooning. You're doing something. You're going to stay alive. Nothing sexual about staying alive. But by yourself, you'll freeze to death. Two people, body warmth, you might survive. Don't go by yourself. Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.

I'm telling you, don't do life alone. I'm not now just talking about marriage. If you're supposed to be married, great, and marriage is a tremendous thing, but there is a place... Listen to me. There is a place for women having relationship with other women, men with other men, and it doesn't go well for men especially when you don't have that in your life.

I've shared this before. For whatever reason, my dad did not have men friends. I didn't know really how to do that. I have so many men friends now. It probably irritates my wife that I talk to some of them so often. Let me tell you part of the reason I have these men friends: I will go down without them. I am trying so hard to fight forward every day of my life that if I don't have some accountability, if I don't have people asking me questions, if I don't have people up in my grill, it's not going to go well.

What's wrong with me? I'm a human being like you are. Paul, as an old man, said, "The thing that I don't want to do, that's what I do. The things that I want to do, I don't do. Who will deliver me from the body of this death?" He's struggling until the finish line. You're going to struggle. Don't struggle alone. It won't go well.

For some men, it's not about they don't know how to be friends. They don't want anyone asking them questions. That's the problem. Because solo dolo is... the dolo part of that is on the down low, meaning secretively. I got my own little life, and I don't want you up in here asking me questions about my little secret life because it ain't changing. I'm not giving this up for God.

I've been chewing on this for a few weeks now. Think about this question. If God came to you and the sin that so easily besets you and the question was: you can have heaven and give up your sin, or you can keep your sin and choose hell. Do you value your sin more than heaven? You say that would be a crazy person. People do this every day.

You present Jesus, you present the gospel, you tell them Jesus died on the cross, buried, raised from the dead. He can forgive your sins. You can spend eternity with Him in heaven, live the life He intended. You can have all that. They go, "Oh, no, no, no. You don't understand. I got my weed, brother. I ain't giving my weed up for anybody."

Or I got my whatever, my alcohol, my sex, my lifestyle. Would you literally trade the treasure of Jesus and heaven for some sin? Who would do that? But then who would do that on a daily basis? God comes along and says, "Okay, you're still alive. Here we go today. What are we doing with today?"

"Oh, I'm going back to my sin, Lord, but thanks for keeping me through the night. I'm going to trade a fulfilling day with You for my sin. I choose my sin." You say, "I'm not doing that." What are you doing then? Now, if you get to a place where you say, "I'm done. I want to fight forward," you will find yourself not alone anymore.

You will find someone and say, "I need help. I cannot manage this by myself." You say that seems weak. Both hands, I am weak. I am weak. Anybody else weak? I will end up in a bad spot quick.

Mark chapter 3. Go over there. The reason we are so huge around here on discipleship is that Jesus was huge on discipleship. The unfortunate truth is that discipleship for a long time with a lot of churches and preachers and people is: you accept Jesus, you become a Christian, you believe He died on the cross, buried, raised from the dead.

You receive Him. He moves into your life, and someone hands you a Bible and says, "God bless you. Good luck. Pray every day. Read this every day. See you in heaven. Hope it works out for you because that's what they told me." You can go to a Bible study here and there. I needed a man to sit down with me and get me up on my feet, teach me to walk, teach me to talk to God, and figure out how to work it because I'd burned up almost 20 years not knowing how to do it.

If this is not what it's about, why would Jesus come down here, born of a virgin, prepare for 30 years to pick 12 men? One commits suicide, ditches and commits suicide. He's down to 11. He gives himself almost completely to 12 men. Get crucified, buried, raised from the dead and go, "You're up. Here we go. We know what to do. Make disciples. As you're going, make disciples."

What did He teach them to do? How to be, how to live, but how to be together. Mark chapter 3, the disciples are already with Him. Verse 14: "Then He appointed twelve, that they might be with Him and that He might send them out to preach, and to have power to heal sickness and to cast out demons." Primarily, it was to be with Him. Who are you with?

I'm not being judgmental on this. I know we got introverts and all that. But there is a high probability that a man especially alone is hiding. A man alone is hiding something, and he doesn't want anybody else to get up in that and figure out what that is. So he's not even going to go there.

I have at least an annual doctor visit where I cannot hide. Can I leave it at that? Well, I'm not going to. Because it is very probing. I wish sometimes he had gotten up in my grill. That is not where my grill is. Now, what is that about? Why do you bring that up? I am willing to subject myself to a very thorough exam because I don't want to die that way.

I don't want to carry a bag around because I wouldn't let someone see if I was okay. Then periodically, I let them run a 30,000-foot tube inside me somewhere to find some other problems. Why would you let people do all that? Because it's a thing, and it's wise.

So why would you sit down with another man or another woman, and they look you in the eyes and they're godly, they care about you, and they say, "Okay, so how are you doing?" And then you go, "Oh, I'm okay." If you're so okay, why's your life like a bomb went off? They're going to ask me.

The first thing the old man that helped me, Claude, he met me within minutes. We're out in his van. He's got the Bible open, getting me to read some verse out of Romans. To him that worketh not. He'd size me up, and I said, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, Claude. That's interesting, but here's my problem. I got sexual temptation. I'm 20-something years old. I'm struggling with all this stuff."

I was like, okay, he's here. He's going to help me. And he said, "No, no, no. I get that. That's just a symptom of your real problem." Like what? "Set my arm, dude. Don't check my heart." So yes, I wanted him helping me, but he was willing to help me where I really needed help, not a symptom. I was okay dealing with the symptoms.

Women get alone. Men have all these struggles with sexual stuff and drugs, alcohol, porn, whatever it may be. But women, then you hear about women, and they're off in their rooms by themselves reading steamy novels or smoking weed or whatever they're doing. You think, what in the world? You never even heard of a woman being bad. Why? Why does no one know about these things? Because we live in secret. Sin and secrecy all go together. Get it out in the open. Get it out in the light. Unless you don't want anybody dealing with it.

John 14. You say you're not teaching the Bible. You should be teaching the Bible and talking about how many angels can dance on the head of a pin and things that we care about. Who cares about all that stuff if your life sucks? Name all the tribes. I get it. If you can name them, good for you. But if you're by yourself, so what? So you can beat me at Bible trivia. I still can't name all the books of the Bible, and I've purposely not learned, if you want to know the truth.

Because when I grew up, that was the thing. They had a little song, and I'm not saying you shouldn't know them, you find stuff easier. But there's nothing spiritual about knowing the books of the Bible in order. My gosh. How many people know that but can't walk with Jesus? You don't know the books of the Bible. Oh, my gosh. How long have you been a Christian?

We got this thing so jacked up where it's not even about what it's supposed to be about anymore. Are you okay? Are you and God okay? Are you okay, and are you okay with the people around you? And if you're not, it's not working.

John 14:18 tells them before he leaves: "I will not leave you orphans." You're going to feel abandoned. You're going to think you've been left. "I will come to you. A little while longer and the world will see Me no more, but you will see Me. Because I live, you will live also. At that day you will know that I am in My Father, and you in Me, and I in you."

"He who has My commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me. And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and manifest Myself to him." Judas, not Iscariot, said to Him, "Lord, how is it that You will manifest Yourself to us, and not to the world?"

Jesus answered and said to him, "If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him." So if somehow I find myself by myself because I'm a Christian, it is impossible for me to ever get alone again. I am never alone.

But let me tell you something about that relationship. Even though I am by myself, I am not alone if I have a healthy relationship with the God who lives within me. He is going to lead me to be with other people. Even an introvert is going to end up with other people because that's how we're designed. It is not good for us to be alone.

Go to Matthew 26. Jesus has had His last dinner with these guys. The cup, the bread. It's all about to go down. I mean, He's about to get crucified, become sin for us. He knew no sin, became sin for us. This is an intense night. You say, "Well, but He kind of knew how it was going to end up. He's God, even though He's going to die and suffer and be buried. He knows He's going to be raised from the dead. He's been talking about it, so it's all going to be okay."

He's a man and God, God in a man. He still got to endure the cross. So no matter what you got on the other side of your cross, if you got a cross, you got a cross. And we got a cross. We're supposed to, if we deny ourselves, take up our cross daily and follow Him. There's a cross involved with that process. That means suffering.

The scripture says he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin. What does that mean? To say no to sin is to suffer. If you choose to follow Christ, take up your cross, you will suffer. If you say no to your sin, you will suffer. But he who has suffered in the flesh... in other words, you've gotten to the point where you say, "Okay, I'm willing to suffer and let it go."

You stop sinning in that area. I got people in this room who have smoked meth, cooked it, sold it, and they haven't done meth in a long time. Doesn't mean they couldn't. It just means they suffered through it under His power, and they've ceased from it. You say that's not possible, research shows... I got verses that trump research.

This is one of my favorite things. Matthew 26:36: "Then Jesus came with them to a place called Gethsemane, and said to the disciples, 'Sit here while I go and pray over there.' And He took with Him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and He began to be sorrowful and deeply distressed."

So he's got 11 left at this point. He takes them with him. He leaves eight here, wherever here is, and tells these three, "Come a little farther with me." Why didn't after dinner go, "Really enjoyed tonight, guys. I'll see you at the cross. I need some time alone with my Dad"? Even Jesus, because these were His friends.

These are His friends. These are the men that He's camped out with, traveled for years with now. They know Him. He knows them. He really knows them. And He could do this by himself. He's not doing it by himself. Eight, three, one. He's still a little ways by himself, but there's something about having people close by even when you got to go through something by yourself.

This never happens. Go to a hospital where there's a person in a hospital bed, very sick, and there is a person or people by their side, ICU. Then you go outside and there's another handful of people who can't be in there, but they're there. What are they doing out there? You're not doing anything out there. You can't even be with the person. Because there's something about being close and communicating to people: we're here. You're not by yourself.

Wait till you go see somebody in the hospital's got nobody. Nobody. They don't need a waiting room because nobody's waiting. Nobody's waiting. Nobody's calling. They got nobody. Don't end up that way.

Verse 38: "Then He said to them, 'My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. I'm in so much pain emotionally I could die here. Stay here and watch with Me.' And He went a little farther and fell on His face, and prayed, saying, 'O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.'"

Verse 40. "Then He came to the disciples and found them sleeping, and said to Peter, 'What? Could you not watch with Me one hour? Like, dude, this is going down. What?'" "Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak. Pay attention because you think this is just about Me? You're about to get hit."

Again, a second time, He went away and prayed, saying, "O My Father, if this cup cannot pass away from Me unless I drink it, Your will be done." And He came back, found them asleep again, and their eyes were heavy. So He left them, went away again, and prayed the third time, saying the same words. Then He came to His disciples and said to them, "Are you still sleeping and resting? Behold, the hour is at hand, and the Son of Man is being betrayed into the hands of sinners. Rise, let us be going. See, My betrayer is at hand."

The 12th disciple is on his way. These guys are sleeping. This guy's coming to betray Him. But He wants them with Him anyway. I don't know how this works, but I kind of believe that the way God set all this up: He don't need anybody, but He chose to need me, and He chose to need you.

Because there is something about seeing a person born, and then you wait. And a brother has a conversation with a sister, and she becomes a Christian. And he goes, "All right, it's game on. They've said yes to Me, but sooner or later a day's going to be coming when they're going to be singing to Me.

They're going to get past asking for stuff, and they're just going to want to sit with Me and maybe some other people too, but Me and say, 'You know what? You're just amazing. You are just amazing.'" And I kind of think He likes that because as a Dad, that works for me.

Acts chapter 2:1: "When the day of Pentecost had fully come, they were all with one accord in one place." They were together. Hebrews 10 talks about not forsaking... we're going to read it. Hebrews 10:24. "And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching."

Guest (Male): Richard will be back in a moment to wrap up today's talk. But first, I want to share a couple of thoughts with you. Let's be honest: real life isn't about living some highlight reel for others to see. Most people have deep hurts, questions, and struggles. We get it and want to help you in any way we can.

So, let's keep this conversation going. Give us a call at 855-6-RICHARD or connect with us at our website: richardellis.com. You can even put in your prayer request right there on the prayer wall so others can pray for you as well. Call us at 855-6-RICHARD or online at richardellis.com. And now, let's get back to Richard with a final word on today's talk.

Richard Ellis: There's an old song we used to sing. I think my daddy used to sing it. "I won't have to cross Jordan alone. Jesus died all my sins to atone. In the darkness I see He'll be waiting for me. I won't have to cross Jordan alone." It's even better than that old song though. Because when my moment comes, I can't be alone because He's in me.

So here's your problem whether you acknowledge it or not. If you don't know Jesus, you are worse than by yourself because you will slip into eternity by yourself. And you will stand before a holy God by yourself, no attorney. And there will only be one way to plead, and it will be guilty, and you will be sentenced accordingly.

But in my courtroom, my attorney, my advocate will speak up for me. "He's Mine. Check Your book. He's Mine. Check the doorpost of his heart. He's Mine." So I will never be alone again, and I pray to God I will never be alone again without the men, the women in my life, but especially the men in my life, without whom I would not make it. I would not be doing well in my fight forward.

Guest (Male): You've been listening to Richard Ellis Talks. We really appreciate that you spent this time with us. But we want to keep the conversation going with you, so give us a call anytime at 855-6-RICHARD. That's 855-6-RICHARD. Or through our website, richardellis.com, by sending an email to us so we can stay connected with you.

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