Revive Our Hearts

Guest (Male): God rescued Laura Perry Smaltz from a transgender lifestyle. Now she's married to a godly man, and she's learned:

Laura Perry Smaltz: That embracing my femininity—the more I'm willing to embrace my femininity, the more it brings out masculinity and vice versa. And you begin to see this harmonious, beautiful display of the gospel.

Dannah Gresh: This is the *Revive Our Hearts* podcast with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, author of *Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free*. For May 26, 2026, I'm Dannah Gresh.

Do you ever feel the urge to complain about men today? Maybe you've said something along the lines of men not being masculine enough or not being the leaders and protectors you want them to be. But I've got a bit of a challenging question for you today: What if women are part of the problem and the solution?

We're hearing more from Laura Perry Smaltz today at a True Woman conference. She shared a message about how God saved her from transgenderism and taught her to embrace biblical femininity. Gender isn't fluid as our culture would like you to believe. As you're about to hear, there are some distinct differences between men and women and some wonderful ways they complement one another. Let's dive into the second half of Laura's message to learn more about that.

Laura Perry Smaltz: So, one way that we think: Why does God create these different perspectives? And why does He create us so differently? And again, this is all about Christ and the bride. But I think another way we can look at this is there's an experiment you can see even if you cover one eye and then you change to the other eye—look at how different the image you see is.

And you can do this with markers. I tried this one day where you line them up in a perfectly straight line using both of your eyes and then cover one eye at a time, and it looks like they're at a totally different angle because your brain actually processes two different images and then puts them together in one complete picture. This is kind of like what it is with male and female.

We actually process a different image, and then just like the brain, we actually bring a full understanding to whatever we're working on. So we're meant to work in harmony and complement. Men display God's strength, His protection, His work ethic, His leadership, His sacrifice, His pursuit. Women represent His gentleness, His nurturing, His relational desire, His emotions, His affection, His encouragement.

Now, you look at these pictures and have you ever noticed that when it's not obvious if someone is male or female, has there ever been a discomfort there? And we're accused all the time of just being judgmental, but the reality is God has created that in each of us to recognize male or female. And it's actually confusing to the brain, and we'll sit there and look at someone and we try to figure it out, and we're not being judgmental. God has designed that because He wants us to recognize male and female. Studies have shown that one of the first things that people recognize about a person is whether they're male or female.

So this was interesting. There's these books—I highly recommend these if anyone hasn't read them. There's one called *For Women Only* and one called *For Men Only*, although I would read both personally. But the one that's *For Women Only*, she wrote about men for women to read. And so there was this question: Would you rather feel alone and unloved in the world or inadequate and disrespected by everyone?

She's thinking, what kind of question is that? Who wants to be alone and unloved in this world? That seems obvious. But she surveyed 400 men and 76% said they would rather be alone and unloved than inadequate and disrespected. And we really have very, very different needs. In fact, initially, many of the men had a hard time answering because they appeared to equate the two. If a man feels disrespected, he will actually feel unloved. Women have—and I think really both are rooted in the desire to be loved—but men feel love through respect. Women feel love through security and being secure in our relationships and needing to feel protected and safe.

And so what happens a lot of times, especially for men—men that are very insecure, a lot of times they haven't had a good father figure in their life. A father's job is to bring the boy away from mom—I mean, not permanently, not like he can't talk to mom—but just to bring him out of the comfort of mom and say, "You are like me, come with me," and secure him in his manhood and help him to see that he is a man and to give him that confidence.

Because think about it: God has created the man to lead and to bear the burden for the family, to protect—I mean, those are scary things. I used to think men had it so much easier until I started learning God's design. I'm really grateful for the way You designed me because I like being protected and I like being led and cared for. But men, if they're not secured in that, a lot of times they really struggle with feeling inadequate. They feel like they don't measure up as men.

This is what I do—I work for a ministry in Oklahoma City called First Stone Ministries, and we deal with a lot of sexual and relational brokenness. And in most cases where men struggle with either gender issues or homosexuality, almost always—not 100% of the time, but almost always—there's an issue with the father. In most cases, they have not had a good relationship with their father.

So she also surveyed 400 men: During a conflict, are you more likely to feel like your wife or significant other doesn't respect me now or doesn't love me right now? And I can tell you, if we're in a conflict, I'm always going to question whether I'm being loved. But with men, 81% said he doesn't feel respected. So men need respect for his judgment and decision-making; respect his abilities.

And this was funny—like an example, a lot of men don't like to ask for directions, but a lot of men like to figure it out. I was reading some of these things, I was so fascinated as I really began to learn a lot about men. It's like a conquest to them to be able to figure these things out, and they want to be believed in, I think is kind of the key. So they want to be respected in their communication, in public and in private, especially in public.

I have heard so many Christian women talk about and disrespect their husbands in public with other people. And I can tell you, it just shames a man. And it's devastating. And it just makes the man feel like his woman doesn't trust him, and he feels unloved if he's talked about that way, even if it's a joke. I heard a comedian one day and within the first few minutes she was totally making fun of her husband. And even though it's lighthearted and everybody's laughing, I was about in tears. I thought, I can't believe the way she's talking about her husband and that disrespect.

So women need love to know and feel that they're loved. They need that reassurance; they need to be pursued. A man—in fact, Perry said this—he said nagging feels like a weight is being put on me. He said, "You believe I'm going to fail, so why should I try?" It reminded me of the verse that says, "And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works."

So I was thinking about this idea of how when you stir up batter, it infuses energy into it and it's living and it's moving. But when we disrespect a man, it's like it becomes stagnant. Think about a sauce or a broth or something—if you leave it on the burner just stagnant, it's going to burn. You've got to put in that energy. And so respecting a man is really about energizing him, to believe in himself and that you believe in him, that he's able to do what God has called him to do.

That's part of our job as helping. And that's one of the reasons I wanted to talk about this—one, because I just get so tired of the shaming of men in this culture and the emasculation of men. And I hope that we can begin to see—because there are so many of us that have been hurt by men. And I think that we project these things on men, like men aren't good and they can't be trusted and all these things. But God's design of men is good and we need men. So if we've been hurt, we need healing from the Lord, not to cut off men, not to shame men.

And so I think that's what the Lord has had on my heart with some of this. One day we were driving somewhere and I was telling Perry—this was several months before we got married and I had been learning all this stuff about biblical womanhood—so I started expounding some of my views on this and how I was willing to submit to him and trust him and all that. And I look over and he just about had tears in his eyes. And Perry does not cry; he's not a real emotional man.

But I was kind of stunned and I kind of looked at him and he said, "You're willing to do that?" There was like this disbelief and hope in his voice. And I said, "Well, yes, I mean, I believe that's what the Bible tells me." And I said, "Now you realize that that puts a much greater burden on you. That means I'm trusting you, and you're going to stand before the Lord and you will answer to the Lord for how you lead us."

So I was wanting to make sure that was clear. I'm not submitting to be your doormat; I'm submitting to you to trust you that God has put you in authority over me. But I'll never forget this: He sat up straighter and he puffed out his chest and this man looked like he was ready to go slay giants. He's like, "Yes, I am willing to do that. I want to do that."

And I could see this courage rising in him. And it was like, I remember being—and it spoke to me as a woman. It was like, I could feel that stirring in me like I was in line with how God had created me to be, infusing energy and courage into this man. And it was like when a car has a tire that's out of alignment and it's constantly pulling against the direction the car is trying to go.

Or we can be in perfect alignment with the car and we can help it go the direction that it's trying to go. Because otherwise it's like a tug-of-war, which he has experienced in the past. But he said he was praying for somebody to be on the same team with him. And I thought that language was kind of odd. I was telling him the other day, I love that he shares that, but I didn't understand it at first because I'd never thought of a relationship like a team.

But to a man, he's created for the work and God created a helper for him. And so that really is how God has wired him. So I love this quote that she said—this is that same author from the books I showed earlier: "Just as you want the man in your life to love you unconditionally, even when you're not particularly lovable, your man needs you to demonstrate respect for him regardless of whether he's meeting your expectations at that moment."

Now, that doesn't mean we submit to him in every way if he's trying to get us to go against the Bible. That doesn't mean that we submit to an abusive man. This is talking about respect in our communication and believing in him that he's able to do what God has called him to do, even if he's failing at that moment. And of course, we can shame and we can shout them down.

And there was a verse I wanted to read: Proverbs 21:9 says, "It's better to live on a corner of a roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife." And it really is true when I started talking to men about this whole issue of respect. And sometimes we think we're just trying to solve a problem, but to a man they feel so unloved and they just want to shrink away and get away from it.

So we need to find a way to communicate that is encouraging and that builds up. God designed the man to lead, and he's fulfilling God's purpose for his life when he leads. We need to encourage the men to lead. And if they're not leading in the way that you think that they should, pray and ask the Lord to help them lead and find ways to encourage them and not to put down.

But again, if they're leading you away from the Lord against His Word, that's a different situation and we need wisdom from the Lord in how to navigate that. We have to follow the Lord above anyone else in this life. But God has placed that man in your life as an authority. So I was thinking about this emasculation of men and I think about some of these funny shows that I grew up on: *The Cosby Show*, *Home Improvement*, *The King of Queens*.

What many of these—and there were many more—what a lot of these shows had in common was that they made the wife look like the smart one—she was in control, she ran the household, she made all the decisions—and the man was an absolute buffoon that was just completely disrespected and made fun of. And the entire culture laughed at it and thought it was hilarious, and it was a lot of the entertainment I grew up on. But it was emasculating men.

And the problem is, what is an army like when there's no leadership? What are they going to accomplish? Satan has tried to remove the leadership in this culture. The godly leadership, and in fact I was told a couple of years ago they noticed in one of the Sunday schools—it was a young marrieds class—and they said the men almost never talk.

It's always the woman answering every question; they're the ones doing the homework and they were the ones kind of controlling the Sunday school rather than helping the men to lead and helping them step into the role that God has created them to be. And this rise of feminism that is shaming men, they're teaching little boys that masculinity's toxic and that it's a bad thing. God created masculinity. Now, it can be sinful just as women can be sinful. Our relational desires can be sinful. But their masculinity is a good thing.

And it again goes back to this idea of: Does Heaven rule or do I? Does God rule? Is His design good? And I think it is, but again, where we struggle in those areas of feeling like we've been undervalued, we've been hurt, we've been sinned against, the answer is not to shame men. The answer is not to shame men or women.

Sometimes we don't like other women. I didn't like women growing up because I had been so hurt by my mother. But then later in life I was hurt by men and I was just angry at everybody. But the point is, we need healing. We need healing from the Lord because His design is good, even if people—I mean, we live in a sinful world that's cursed by sin and we are all sinners raising other sinners in relationship with other sinners, and there is sin in this world. And we're not ever going to get to the point where we're not hurt by anybody. We're not ever going to have perfect relationships this side of heaven. But one day in heaven we will be.

So this is one of my favorite verses that the Lord really had on my heart before the wedding. It says, "An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones." The word "excellent" there is the same word that's used in like the Proverbs 31 woman. It's also translated as several other things: noble or whatever.

But I thought about this idea of a crown. And a crown represents—it's a symbol of authority. Now, the king already has authority whether he wears the crown or not. In the same way, God has given man the spiritual authority of his home. And as women, we come under that. Or whether it's your male ministers or whatever it might be. And again, this is not necessarily a husband.

But she is the crown of her husband—in other words, she displays to the world this authority that the man has been given. And think about this in spiritual terms: If you stand behind your husband or your male minister or your male boss, whatever it may be, and you fight for him, and you encourage him, and you respect him, you're putting the kingdom of darkness on notice that your husband or that man has the authority that God has given him. We have a great role as women. I think we've looked down on our role as being a helper.

And again, it doesn't mean that women can't have positions of authority or lead. But this, again, my heart in this is to help us as women understand that God's design of men is good too, that God's design of women and men is both good. And that His design—He knows better than we do. And again, like I was pointing out earlier, our entire body is designed to display this: that we are created for the man, but also to not be put under his feet but to be protected by him, to be nurtured by him, but also to help him at his side. We're created from the side of the man to be a helper.

And remember that God Himself calls Himself the helper. We think of it in a negative sense, but God says that He is our help and our shield. In Psalm 37 and there were many more examples, "The Lord shall help them and deliver them." Psalm 46:1, "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."

The Holy Spirit specifically is called the Helper. Jesus said, "And I will pray to the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever." "But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to remembrance all things that I've said to you." "But when the Helper comes, whom I shall send to you from the Father, the Spirit of truth who proceeds from the Father, He will testify of Me." And so the Lord Himself calls Himself the Helper. This is not a negative thing.

The woman's intended to be a gift to the man. Even if you're not married, again, you can be a gift to the male ministers that are around you. You can be a gift even to other women, of course. But I think we can encourage the men in a way that sometimes other men don't. Men always compare themselves with other men. A lot of times they feel inadequate. They struggle to see themselves the way that God created them to be, just like we struggle with that.

And so I think there's something unique in women that can help them believe in themselves. Eve was created from the side of Adam. She's relational by nature. She was created for the man, and this is not a put-down. She's intended to be a gift to him. She helps him fulfill his God-given mission. She's fulfilled by relationship.

In fact, I was just thinking earlier, I was like, my heart is so full being here at this conference because it's relating for like three or four days straight of just being in all these relationships, and I just live to be in relationship. It's hilarious to me that I ever thought I was a man because it's obvious as I started studying the differences between men and women, I was like, "Oh my goodness, if I'd studied this before, it is so obvious I'm a woman." I live for relationship.

And I think when we don't, when women are cut off from relationship, most of the time it's because we've been hurt and we wall off our heart and we don't want to let anybody in. But that's not the way God's designed you. Your fulfillment—you will never find fulfillment in other things. Your true fulfillment comes in the way God designed you and in embracing who He created you to be and letting Him fulfill you in that relationship.

Ultimately, only God is going to fulfill you; no man is going to fulfill you like He can. We know that. But what I'm saying is God created you to be relational. And we can go through all kinds of stereotypical differences as far as our interests and things like that—that's so shallow. God's created us with desires and needs that are so much deeper.

God says He fashions our hearts alike, and we really are created with some of these deep basic needs. Think about Mary when she had the responsive heart that she had when the angel of the Lord came and told her that she was going to bear this child that was going to be the Son of God. And she said, "I am the Lord's servant. May Your word to me be fulfilled." And think about what God was asking her to do. And yet this responsive heart to the Lord because I think a lot of times as women, sometimes we want to take control, especially if we're afraid about the circumstances and we don't feel protected, we don't feel secure, we don't feel safe. These are deep needs that women have.

And so a lot of times we'll try to control. And have you ever prayed—I have prayed so many prayers like this—but have you ever prayed and asked God to do your will? How many times do we pray and ask God to do our will rather than asking the Lord to do His will? And this is about that responsive heart. Do you think Mary was praying and asking God to let her bear the Son of God? I don't think so.

But the word "respect" means to revere or to be in awe of. It's actually the same word that's used in the Old Testament—I mean, one is Greek and one is Hebrew—but if you look in the Septuagint, which is the Greek translation of the Old, the same word that's talking about respect of men in the New Testament is the same word that's talking about the fear of the Lord in the Old Testament. It's about that deep reverence and to be in awe of God's good design.

Not to believe that a man is perfect, but to respect and be in awe of how God created us. Help men be confident in their ability to lead. Help them be confident in the way that God designed them, praising their masculinity, and especially to little boys. There is an epidemic in this culture of little boys—and girls thinking they're like boys—but also with little boys believing that masculinity's bad.

A lot of times, especially when there's no father in the home, they're being raised by women. And they need women; they need to be nurtured. But most of them have female teachers, most of them have female Sunday school teachers, and they're not getting that masculine influence in their life that they need to help them be confident men.

And we have so many—I talk to so many parents that their kids are identifying as trans, as non-binary, all these things. And almost every case, they don't have a good father figure and they're so full of anxiety. Well, think about if God—and they don't even realize it consciously—but if God has created you to lead, and you have—if you've ever led something, think about something you've led, an organization or a group or a Bible study, whatever—but if you felt totally unequipped and unprepared and you had no confidence in your ability to lead, think about all the anxiety you feel.

But a man's wired to lead. If he has no confidence in that, they're just full of anxiety and they don't even know why. But it's because they have this deep calling that they don't even know. Even if they haven't committed their life to Christ, God has called them whether they know it or not. And God has designed them this way. And so there is this deep need for this.

And again, we have this just this shaming of men and this toxic masculinity that's just not true. I've learned that embracing my femininity—the more I'm willing to embrace my femininity, the more it brings out masculinity and vice versa. And you begin to see this harmonious, beautiful display of the gospel.

It's interesting. People will say that there are examples in nature of transgender animals or weird same-sex behavior and stuff. But I tell you, there are chickens that will begin to act like a rooster and they will try to crow and all of this and they'll strut around like they own the place. But I tell you, the only time this happens—and they really will act like roosters, it's a real thing—the only time they do it is when there's no rooster.

It's an absence. It's not because the chicken woke up one day and felt like a rooster. It's because there is a lack of what's supposed to be there. And it creates this void and this desire because inherently the chickens know there's supposed to be a rooster. And it's like, "Well, there's none here, so I'll be the rooster."

And then I love this quote from Matthew Henry: "Women were created from the rib of the man to be beside him, not from the top of his head to top him or rule over him, not from his feet to be trampled by him, but from under his arm to be protected by him, near to his heart to be loved by him."

So I hope today that you see the good—God's good design of both male and female. And if you struggle with this, or if you're—if you're hurting, if you have emotional walls, I just want to encourage you to talk to somebody. Talk to your pastor, talk to your women's minister, talk to somebody and work through some of these issues because the longer that we stay bitter and resentful or we have unforgiveness, it's only going to affect our future relationships. God wants us to live healed in good relationships with other women and with other men.

So let me pray for you. Heavenly Father, I just thank You for these things that You've taught us today. Thank You for Your good design and Your sovereign wisdom. Thank You that we get to be a part of Your story and display the gospel of how this represents Christ and the bride. Thank You for reminding us, Lord, that this is really about You.

Help us to trust You. Help us to believe in You, and help heal our hearts, Lord. I pray You'd bring healing to any woman in here who is struggling in any kind of relationship. Lord, I just pray You'd bring healing to their hearts. And I thank You for each and every woman You brought here. In Jesus' name, amen.

Dannah Gresh: Amen. Oh, what a great message from Laura Perry Smaltz. You know, this week we're talking about fruitfulness in Christ, and I was struck by this today: that one fruit of godly womanhood is stronger, more courageous men. Isn't God's good design so cool? Let's help our brothers rise to their roles by respecting them rather than emasculating them and believing in them rather than complaining about them. This kind of femininity really could change the world.

You know, it's been sweet this month to reflect on 25 years as a ministry, and true womanhood is a core message and it always has been in our mission. We've continued inviting women to embrace the fullness of their womanhood as God has designed it. Nancy's here to tell you more about this true womanhood message and how it's impacted women around the world.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: One listener wrote to tell us what a blessing this has been in her life. She said, "Five years ago, I was a new wife and a new Christian. Becoming a follower of Christ at age 20 meant I had little background and knowledge of the Bible's teaching regarding biblical womanhood." She says in her first year of marriage, she stumbled across your teaching and it was just the refreshing, helpful, and practical truth she needed to hear. Almost daily she would listen online.

Over the last five years, listening to you and reading the Bible's teachings about what it means to be a woman has completely transformed my view of my role and my purpose. And then she says, "Today I'm a mom of three boys, and I'm so thankful God grabbed my heart before they were born. I used to be idle with my time. I was critical of my husband," she said. "I used to think I only wanted a certain number of children because they were going to be a lot of work (and parentheses, children are a lot of work, right?).

But now I see my identity in Jesus and my role as a wife and mom as a means through which I can minister and share the gospel, hopefully generating fruit for generations to come." She closed by saying, "Now I'm burdened and excited to share the message of true womanhood with women in my generation and the generation to come." Wow, praise God. I love that.

And I'm so humbled that the Lord has so faithfully used this ministry as a channel of His life-changing Word. True womanhood is still a core part of our message, and it will continue to be in the years to come. And that's because friends like you continue to support *Revive Our Hearts*. If programs like the one you've heard today have been a blessing to you and you feel prompted to give, I'd love to invite you to do that.

Dannah Gresh: Absolutely, Nancy. As we wrap up our fiscal year, we're asking the Lord to provide $1.4 million so we can be prepared for new ministry opportunities—things like the *Wonder of the Word* podcast for kids, the *Wonder* app for teens (we need some updates to it), new language translations, and so much more. We've still got a ways to go to reach the goal before the end of May.

If you've already made a special gift this month, we want to say thank you. That donation, it is such a blessing to this ministry. If you've been thinking about giving but you haven't yet, now would be the perfect time to do that. You can donate by visiting ReviveOurHearts.com or calling us at 1-800-569-5959.

And know that when you give, you're allowing us to not only pursue new out-reaches but remain faithful to the same biblical teaching you've loved for so long. When you give, be sure to request our latest booklet called *Called to Thrive*. It's our gift to you when you make a donation of any amount. If you're in the US or Canada, we'll send your copy in the mail. If you're not, we'd love to give you a digital copy. Again, to give and request *Called to Thrive*, visit ReviveOurHearts.com or call us at 1-800-569-5959.

Tomorrow Nancy's going to be encouraging you toward a fruitful life. If that concept feels a little vague to you, it won't after tomorrow. Nancy's going to explain what a fruitful life looks like and show you that it's possible for you. Please be back for *Revive Our Hearts*. This program is a listener-supported production of *Revive Our Hearts* in Niles, Michigan, calling women to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.