Revive Our Hearts

Dana Gresh: Why does showing up to church on Sunday matter? Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth says it's because you cannot spiritually survive without it.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: Everything about your Christian life hinges on your connection to Christ, your living head.

Dana Gresh: This is Revive Our Hearts podcast with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, author of Choosing Forgiveness for October 22nd, 2026. I'm Dana Gresh. We've been spending the month of October talking about Jesus. We've covered his divinity, his humanity, and now we're talking about his matchless supremacy. He is the ruler of all. And Colossians 1:18 tells us he is the head of the body, the church. Now, why does it matter for you and me that Jesus is the head of the church? Well, there are quite a few reasons. Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth is going to dive into those with us in a moment.

But the reason we're really going to zoom in on today is that we don't want to live a decapitated Christian life. In fact, we can't. If we aren't part of the body of Christ, if we try to live apart from Jesus, our head, then we will ultimately fall. Now, sometimes being a part of the body of Christ isn't easy. Sometimes church hurts. We're going to talk about that today as well. Here's Nancy to kick us off by explaining what it really means that Christ is the head of the church.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: Here are some of the things that if you think about the relationship between your physical head and body, here are some insights about our Christ, our head, and his body, the church. First of all, and this is like, you know, duh, so obvious, but the head and the body are connected. They're connected. They are organically united. You don't just stick a head on a body and like glue it on or tape it on. They are connected. And Jesus is organically, intimately connected to his body, the church. He's not just stuck on there. He is connected to his body.

The church is not an institution. It is not an organization. It is a living organism with a head connected to the body. The head is essential to the body. Secondly, the body has no life and cannot exist apart from the head. If the body is separated from the head, the body is dead. Well, as the church, the body of Jesus Christ, we derive our life from Christ. We have no life apart from him. And those who are not connected to him are dead, spiritually speaking. They have no life. Then the body depends on the head.

The body, as my friend in nursing school said, secretes these hormones which cause the cells of the body to regenerate. The brain causes the body to desire food. Without the brain saying you're hungry, you wouldn't eat. Without the brain, your diaphragm wouldn't move to allow each breath. So your body is dependent on the brain activity in your head. Well, as the body of Christ, we are utterly dependent on him as our head. Our life is sustained by him. Our growth comes from him, as we read in Ephesians and Colossians. We draw our nourishment from him.

And the head knows what the body needs and works to supply it. Here's another observation. The human body has one head. If it's got two heads, there's something really wrong with it. The body of Christ, the church, has one head. His name is Jesus. And the body, the church, takes its direction from him. And for this belief, we have millions of believers throughout the centuries who have gone to their deaths as martyrs for claiming we have only one head. His name is Jesus. Now, Jesus has appointed earthly undershepherds to lead and feed the flock, changing the metaphor here, but they take their direction from him.

They operate under his headship, his authority, his lordship. It's not my church. It's his church. Jesus church. The body has only one head and must be in subjection to that head, which is Christ. And then every member of the body, physically speaking, has a direct relationship with the head. It's controlled by the head. And so each member of Christ's body must have its own relationship with Christ. That's why Paul says to the Colossians, you must hold fast to the head. Don't let go. Do what he says. And here's the neat thing. If we have a right relationship with the head, then we will have a right relationship with the other members in the body.

Our ability to solve and deal with issues with other believers, with your mate, etc., it depends on each member's relationship with the head. So you want to heal a marriage or see a marriage be healed, don't focus so much on that relationship as on your relationship with the head and let him focus on his relationship with the head. And when you both have a right relationship with the head, you will have a right relationship with each other. Same applies to conflicts in the body of Christ. And then this, to be cut off from other members of the body is to be severed from the head.

Your hand, your eye, your spleen, whatever that is and wherever it is, um, if they operate independent of the body, they would also be separated from the head. You can't live or thrive or function unless the members of the body are connected to each other and together to the head. Now, why is that important? Because there are a lot of people today who want to have a relationship with Jesus but don't want to have a relationship with his body, the church. They want to be lone ranger Christians. They may be disillusioned about how other members of the body acted.

So if my hand goes off and says, I, you know, I don't like how you how this hand treated me, I'm going to go off and be on my own. That hand goes off on its own. It gets If it gets severed from the body, it gets severed from the head. And it can't live. As believers, you can't have a relationship with Christ, the head, and not have a relationship with the rest of the body. Now, as members of the body, we have different gifts, different characteristics, different needs, different assignments. But we share a common head.

And that is the basis of our oneness. That's the basis of our fellowship with each other. We're interconnected with each other through our relationship with the head. And then the head or the brain coordinates all of the body's functions and the various activities of the different members. And it's Christ, our head, who holds the body together and who causes the members to work together. If we're just off on our own, doing our own thing, being our own authority, being our own head, we're going to have a mess, which is exactly what we have in a lot of Christendom today.

But if we together come under his headship, then he will coordinate the growth and the outreach and the relationships of the different members. Everything about your Christian life hinges on your connection to Christ, your living head. We were created to glorify him, to draw attention to him, to shine the spotlight on him. And that happens by the way that we respond to him as our head. When the world sees us loving him, honoring him, exalting him, submitting to him, obeying him, considering it a privilege to be under his headship, then the world is going to be drawn to that faith.

They'll see Jesus is incredible. He is a wonderful head. Have you acknowledged Christ as your head? Do you live as if he is your head? Are you conscious that you cannot live without him, that you are dependent on him, that you have no right to make your own choices in life or be your own head? And as our churches, I think we need to be asking, are we honoring and exalting and worshiping Jesus as the head of his body, the church? Listen, that'll do away with praise of men, with honoring and exalting men. Yes, we should honor those who lead the flock, but not like we honor Jesus.

This thing of worshiping people and leaders and exalting and adoring them, no, no, no, no, no. It's all about Jesus, our head. He reigns and rules as head over his church now. And our goal is to and our our longing is to see that day when all things will be brought into subjection to him, which will happen one day at the end of time. All things will be placed in subjection under his feet, his headship. And he will reign forever and ever. Amen. Amen.

Dana Gresh: We've been listening to Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth sharing about Christ as the head of the church. And that message you just heard is part of a series called The Wonder of His Name. We'll link to that series in the transcript of today's episode at reviveourhearts.com. So we've seen why it's so important to be part of the local church. We've got to be a part of the body if we want to be spiritually alive. We can't do the Christian life without our head. But what about when being a part of the body of Christ feels painful rather than life-giving?

I got to talk with Megan Hill about this very question on the Grounded podcast. Megan is a pastor's daughter and a pastor's wife. She's also the managing editor of the Gospel Coalition and author of the devotional Sighing on Sunday, 40 meditations for when church hurts. Let's listen to part of that conversation together. Okay, so I guess the obvious place to start is, how have you experienced hurt by the church?

Megan Hill: Yeah, so sort of two quick stories. The The first one was maybe the first time I experienced church hurt. I was a college student and my church women's committee had invited me to come and help with the church women's retreat. And they put me in charge of the breakfast for the women's retreat. And I would like I had never had that much responsibility before in my life. And so I took it very seriously, you know, preparing everything that need to be prepared. And the morning of the breakfast, whenever I got laid out all the food and I ducked back into the kitchen to get something else and the other women were coming in and I just heard them complaining about the breakfast.

You know, it wasn't out at the right time and the coffee wasn't right and that And my heart just was so hurt in that moment because I had been so excited about this service that I was being asked and this responsibility that I had. And then they were upset about it. And I almost never came I didn't want to come out of that kitchen because it was just so hard.

Dana Gresh: Yeah.

Megan Hill: Well, then fast forward, um, to several years later, you know, as you said, I'm a pastor's wife. My husband has been called twice now, um, to two different churches. And both of those churches, when we arrived at the church, the church had just gone through really a major hurt, um, involving the previous pastor. And then, you know, the fallout from that and conflict in the church and So then I was in the situation of sort of not being sinned against myself, but walking with these people who themselves had been really hurt and were trying to process what had happened.

So I'm sort of coming at it from both sides, you know, examples of my own hurt and then also walking alongside people who have been hurt.

Dana Gresh: Yeah. And again, we are not talking about these stories so that we can commiserate and contribute to bitterness or anger or frustration or heartache. We want to solve those problems and we want to know that you're not alone. You 're not alone if you've experienced some pain in the body of Christ. Megan, how widespread do you think the problem is?

Megan Hill: It partly depends on how you define it. But, you know, if we 're talking about hurt being sort of everything from I'm feeling neglected, people aren't looking out for me, don't care about my needs, to outright, you know, sort of abuse and failure of church leaders. There are some things in my life that are hard, that are making it hard for me to go to church, you know, that I'm suffering from infertility or unwanted singleness. And just going to church is hard because everybody there seems to have kids or a husband. So if we define it sort of broadly, I tend to think church is hard for everyone at some point.

Dana Gresh: Yeah. I think that might be right. I once heard a pastor say the reason the Apostles' Creed says we believe in one holy church I mean, think about it. Other things we say we believe in in the Apostles' Creed are invisible realities like God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit. But we believe in one holy church because we have to believe that it is becoming what Christ intended for it to become, a pure and holy, blameless, spotless bride. But it's not yet. And so here we are in the reality of all of it.

One of the things that I'm running through my head as I was anticipating talking to you today, Megan, is the number of people deconstructing right now. I read one book recently that said about 10% of the church is resilient as young adults, meaning about 10% are surviving all of this hurt and deconstructing right now in their 20s. So do you think that sometimes that deconstructing is happening because of the wounds they've experienced in the body of Christ?

Megan Hill: Yeah, I think for sure. I mean, when church is hard, it makes you start to think, is it worth showing up? Like, is this really a good thing or not?

Dana Gresh: Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I I'm concerned that it that's why we have to have the eyes to see the hurt, not just to feel our own hurt, but to take that to the Lord, ask him to heal us, and then say, God, give me eyes of empathy through this pain that I 've known to see where somebody else in this body needs healing. Megan, let's start to get into God's word and start to solve the problem about how we respond to this. One question I want to start with is, why should we trust God if church hurts?

What would you say to that? Take us to the word.

Megan Hill: Yeah, I think, you know, we're Christian women. We know we should trust God. Something hard happens. We say to ourselves, oh, I should be trusting God. But that can be kind of empty if we don't actually know what God is like and we don't know his character and we don't know why we should trust him. And so you're so right that we need to go to the word of God. We need to go to where he tells us about himself. And so when you look at say the Psalms and you know, I just love when the psalmist says, the Lord is near to the brokenhearted and he saves those who are crushed in spirit.

That's Psalm 34. And that the scripture shows us again and again that the Lord is one who cares about people who are hurting and he's gentle and kind and tender with them. And I think that 's where we start when we're feeling hurt in church is we go to the God who cares about the brokenhearted and the crushed in spirit.

Dana Gresh: Yeah, run to the Lord when the church hurts you. Um, a lot of women tend to back away from church when they're feeling hurt. I I know a woman who she still trusts God. She loves the Lord, but she's been very hurt by the body of Christ. So she's currently attending a church that is not her home church on a regular basis just to avoid the hurt. If there's hurt happening, do we need to keep showing up?

Megan Hill: I think that we do. I think there is sometimes a place for going to a different church. If you find yourself in a church where, you know, sin is not being addressed and God's word is not being taught and Jesus is not being followed, then I think absolutely there are times when reluctantly and with much prayer and counsel that we might go to a different church. But not to go to church at all, um, I don't think we see a place in scripture for that. And I think it can encourage us that throughout scripture we see examples of people who were hurt in the church and yet who continued to persist.

And so, you know, you think even of somebody like Paul, you know, the number of times that people slandered him and spoke poorly of him and didn't contribute to his needs and didn't pray for him and you know, and yet as you read Paul's writing, it's very clear that he's committed to seeing the church through and he has that vision, you know, in Ephesians that he wrote in Ephesians of the church made perfect. And so I think the testimony of scripture is is that we persist with the church until we get to see her made holy and perfect on the last day.

Dana Gresh: Persisting is a keyword. I really do believe that's important. And here's why. Many years ago when my husband and I were experiencing a lot of church hurt, he had stepped down from a position of leadership because he had confessed to some sin in his life and felt like he needed to address that. Wasn't caught. Nobody fired him. He just said, I'm I'm below the standard of leadership right now. I want to step aside. Well, that got really painful really fast because people started making up all kinds of extra stories that made his sin far worse than it actually was.

And we went to another pastor in town and said, we can hardly go to church. It just hurts too much. It was been months into the process. We still feel like we have spiritual leprosy. And he said, you have to keep going to church. You have to persist. But what I want to encourage you to do is come to my church in the evenings. And we're going to nurture you and we're going to encourage you and you're going to fill you back up with love because that's where you're going to get the healing. But then you have to go back and you have to show up and do the forgiving and the healing of those hearts that are hurting you, which was unthinkable to us.

But it gave us a different perspective. And I'm so glad we did. Some of our richest friendships came out of persisting in that church where we were experiencing hurt. And I'm so glad that that pastor didn't say, just come to my church. We'll take care of you. He knew you need to stay in there. God wants forgiveness. He wants reconciliation and he wants healing in all of your hearts, not just in the hearts of Bob and Dana. Um, what do you do when you meet someone who has experienced pain caused by the body of Christ?

What's the first thing you should say to them?

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: I'm so sorry. This is really painful and I'm so sorry to hear this. You know, I think being hurt in the church is one of the most painful things that can happen to us because we have not only friends and people we have a relationship with, but we have a relationship at the deepest level, which is Christ, you know, which binds us together. And so it's extremely painful to be hurt in the church. So yeah, the first thing I do is listen and say, I'm so sorry. You know, before you offer any counsel or any encouragement, you know, just to be the person who comes alongside and and listens.

Dana Gresh: Yeah. That goes back to the scripture you were just mentioning. Jesus is near to the brokenhearted. Sometimes our job isn't to fix what people think or believe about what's happening, just to be near them, you know, saving the advice for later and just saying, I see you. I understand it hurts. I've been there. Megan, you've written a devotional for those who have experienced church hurt. As you were writing the book, what was the most groundbreaking thing that you learned from the Lord?

Megan Hill: I think I was made aware of the fact that Satan hates the church and that behind church hurt there is people's sin, there's people's weakness, there's just plain old life in a fallen world where things break and things are disappointing. But there's also the evil one who is the enemy of Christ and his people who is trying to stir things up, who's trying to cause hurt and sin, who's trying to tear down the church. And honestly, that gave me some courage. Like now I think of going to church as sort of an act of defiance.

Like, Satan, you would like to keep me away, but not today. I'm going today, you know. And so I think it's encouraging for us in a weird sort of way to think, there's something going on here that's even beyond the realm of what I can see and it's the evil one. And by God's spirit, he's not going to win. And so I can be aware of his tactics here.

Dana Gresh: That's right. The enemy is not going to win. Scripture says the gates of hell will not prevail against the church Christ loves. And I so appreciate Megan 's mindset that showing up to church when it hurts can be an act of defiance against the evil one. If you've ever experienced pain in the church pew, my prayer is that Christ's comfort would wash over you today. May his spirit fill you with the courage to keep showing up so you can experience the life that is only possible in him. Our desire here at Revive Our Hearts is that women across the globe would experience freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ, our head.

And the Lord has been so faithful to open doors internationally to share about him. Are you familiar with our global outreaches? If not, you can explore them at reviveourhearts.com/global. Maybe you have a friend with a first language other than English who might benefit from hearing our translated content. We'd love for you to share it with them. You know, we're able to share this message around the world because listeners give. Now, I know not everyone is in a position to make a donation right now and we'd never want to take away from your regular giving to your local church.

But if Revive Our Hearts has been meaningful in your life, would you consider partnering with us? We'd be blessed by a financial gift, but we'd also be blessed by your prayers. If you'd like to give, you can visit reviveourhearts.com or call us at 1-800-569-5959. When you do, we'll send you Nancy's Advent devotional Consider Jesus as our thanks. Have you ever heard the phrase your truth? It suggests that truth is arbitrary, that it can be whatever you make it. But is it true that reality can be molded and shaped in this way? We'll talk about that tomorrow as we explore another wonderful name of Jesus.

Megan Hill: The concept of absolute fixed truth, a standard of truth has been largely discarded today. Instead, every person has his or her own truth. And people are tuning their instruments to whatever pitch they happen to like. The result in people's lives and in our culture is chaos, it's discord, it's confusion. And are you finding as I am that it's become increasingly difficult to convince people that Jesus is the truth, that he's the absolute unchanging standard of truth, that he is what he claimed to be. I am the way, the truth, and the life. Well, today we want to look at that name of Jesus where he says, I am the truth.

Dana Gresh: Please be back for Revive Our Hearts. This program is a listener-supported production of Revive Our Hearts in Niles, Michigan, calling women to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.