Reset

Bonnie Sala: Many of us give secret tests to our husbands and wives without telling them they're being tested. I'm Bonnie Sala with Reset.

She'd been on her feet since morning. What she wanted more than anything was for him to notice how tired she was and offer to handle dinner. He did not look up. So she grew quieter and quieter until he finally asked what was wrong. She said that nothing was wrong. Then she was angry that he believed her.

Sound familiar? We often privately decide what love should look like, then wait to see whether the other person delivers without ever telling them about the test. Underneath it all is an old belief: If someone truly loved us, they would simply know what we need. That may sound romantic, but it's also unfair. It asks another person to read your mind, then blames them for failing.

Paul, an early Christian leader, wrote about how followers of Jesus should speak to one another. He said, "We will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ." Both halves of that verse matter. Truth means we communicate clearly. Love means we speak to help, not to hurt. Your tone and body language can invite the other person into an honest conversation or push them away.

Truth spoken in love replaces secret tests with honest invitations. Speak the plain truth today. Do not hint and sigh. Admit that you’re tired and would like help with dinner. And when your husband or wife tells you where they’re struggling, that’s your chance to show how much you care.

If speaking honestly in your home feels unsafe rather than simply uncomfortable, please talk with a counselor you trust. I’m Bonnie Sala. Ready to grow your faith? Discover practical tools and more at guidelines.org.