Practice Makes Parent

Guest (Male): Being a dad isn't always easy, but it's one of life's greatest callings. In a new seasonal podcast from Focus on the Family, Legacy of Courage, we inspire fathers with real stories from dads in every stage of parenting. You'll hear episodes about parenting with discipline and consistency, and reflections on those funny, tender moments we all experience. You'll hear how you can build a lasting legacy of faith when you listen to Legacy of Courage. You'll find it at celebratingfathers.com.

Dr. Danny Huerta: Well, hi and welcome to Practice Makes Parent, where we understand it's not about perfection, but about transformation. I'm Dr. Danny Huerta.

Rebecca St. James: And I'm Rebecca St. James. We are going to be talking today about legacy parenting for dads, but this is equally for moms. There's going to be so much parenting wisdom across the board. Moms, definitely hang in there with us because there's just so much here and you definitely want to pass this on to the men in your life that are dads, your husbands. You want to do that. But Danny, I have a question for you. Do you feel like the bar recently in culture is being raised for dads or lowered for dads? What would you say to that?

Dr. Danny Huerta: I think it depends. If you look at media, there have been over the years some trends to make dads look like they're clueless or disconnected and not doing it well. There has been a trend in the last few years where dads are becoming more involved. There are more expectations to work and spend time with their kids. Recent stats are showing that dads are going to church more and taking their families to church. I think that dads feel pressure to be able to balance both well and there's an increasing amount of dads that are picturing fatherhood as an important piece of their personal identity.

So there's some very positive trends, especially in Christian circles, but when we look at media, there's still a lot of messages there that fathers are not connected, not doing well, or they don't have a clue about parenting or relationships, and that is not true. I've met so many dads that are doing really well.

Rebecca St. James: That's good to hear. Well, if you're a dad trying to lead your family with wisdom, courage, and grace in this noisy and confusing culture, you are definitely in the right place. This is going to be a great episode.

Dr. Danny Huerta: Make sure to send this link to your friends, your family, and fathers you know because being a dad today is not simple. I was reading a stat recently that said 63% of fathers feel they spend too little time with their kids. They wish they spent more time with them. 52% feel it's hard to balance work and family. Then the majority of dads place high priority on their kids becoming honest, ethical, and hardworking.

With that vision and that intention, it's amazing to think about what difference that would make in people's lives and in their homes. But do they have the means? Are they able to say no to certain things? We're raising kids in a world where screens disciple faster than parents, where masculinity is either mocked or misunderstood, and where too many fathers are overworked, distracted, and quietly wondering if they are doing this right.

Fatherhood is a sacred assignment and God didn't design dads to be passive providers or background characters. I remember watching these two dads at church all the time and I compliment them. They're holding their kids during worship time. These are young kids getting older and older and you can see the dads are shifting and their biceps are starting to cramp up.

One picture I got this last Sunday that impacted me was one of the dads had a daughter clinging to his neck, and then the other one had a son completely resting. I was thinking that's how we are with our Heavenly Father. Sometimes we're clinging to Him and sometimes we're resting in Him. It gave me a picture of that safety we can feel with our Heavenly Father. As fathers, we get to provide a picture that is beautiful of this relationship we can have with our Heavenly Father. God has called us to be present, prayerful, and purposeful as we lead our homes as dads.

Rebecca St. James: Today our guest is Pastor Jeff Hamilton. He's been a pastor for more than 35 years, which is just incredible. That's a lot of wisdom. He's the founder of Dad Academy. We have his book here. He leads workshops that offer a roadmap for dads to navigate the complexities of modern parenting while staying rooted in biblical values. He and his wife, Jamie, have raised two adult children and have a passion for teaching people to live purposeful lives. Jeff has also written the book Dad Academy. Jeff, welcome to Practice Makes Parent.

Pastor Jeff Hamilton: Thank you, guys. In fact, I love the way that we even started. Danny, you were mentioning the father that had his children in worship with him. I think that those 60 to 90 minutes that we have as a family in the house of God are probably the most important discipleship moments in a family's week. I'm part of a youth ministry generation where we kind of started developing youth church and started segregating some things out.

Not too long ago a poll was made and Dr. Martin Luther King is famous for saying that Sundays are the most segregated moment in time in our culture. I don't know if we really realize it, but it continues to be so. Rather than segregate along race, it's segregated alongside age. How many times do we allow kids' ministry or youth ministry to provide the informational discipleship that really is our responsibility, especially in Deuteronomy 6? To walk with them, to make it integral in our life.

All week I show my kids how to watch the same SportsCenter three times in a row, how to watch basketball for four consecutive hours without moving. Those 90 minutes where your kids get to see you, how do you engage in God's presence? How do you respond to the word? How do you participate and contribute to those that are around you?

If I could just give dads one tip, make sure your kids are actually in church with you once a month. They will learn so much. There's a saying in leadership: more is caught than taught. What they will get from watching you model your relationship with God—to see you open your Bible, follow along, see you take notes, see you pray—they will learn what it is to be a follower of Jesus just from participating in those kind of moments. I'm always on the look to compliment dads when they're doing the right thing and giving the right attention.

Rebecca St. James: I remember watching my mom worship Jesus. I was probably seven or eight years old and we were at our little church in Sydney. Seeing tears just stream down her face, she was experiencing the love of God in this profound way. That changed me. Watching my mom experience Him in worship changed me. I still can visualize that all these years later, so it is incredibly powerful.

Dr. Danny Huerta: And dads, you can cry too. I've seen dads with tears as well worshipping. As parents, when we model that, it shows that we are surrendered and we are present there.

Pastor Jeff Hamilton: It demonstrates your values. One of the things that I help to tell dads is that your mission is to pass on your values and your skills to your kids. Your values are your behavior that's based in a belief system. What you value is what you do, what you practice.

When you value your relationship, when you are able to describe to your kids and demonstrate to them that I'm not here performing for love, trying to please God in some way, I am here to rest in His presence, to be loved, to experience being loved by Him. Those kind of things begin to be so transformational. It helps as kids grow in their faith that there's a depth to that. It's just not the to-do list, it's not just the to-be list. It is about a process of becoming that is rooted in a personal relationship that grows and transforms your life. It begins by getting to see what is modeled at home.

Rebecca St. James: Let's dive right in on your book, Dad Academy. What do you feel like are some of the biggest myths about fatherhood that Dad Academy tries to challenge?

Pastor Jeff Hamilton: So many guys are trying to struggle with this issue of fatherhood and what my responsibilities are. If you think about it, being a dad is the only thing a man does in his life without a plan, without a strategy. You go to the grocery store, you've got a plan. You go to the gym, you've got a plan. You get up in the morning, you show up at work, and you've got a to-do list.

And yet, I remember March 1, 1996, at Summit Hospital, they just handed me a baby. When I started at church, I had to go through 40 hours of training to work at this coffee company before they felt that I was qualified to hit the automatic brew button on the automatic coffee maker. But they just hand me a baby. There's a significant deficit in our culture today. 25% of people grew up without a father in a home and 40% specifically of men didn't have a mentor or a model of fatherhood.

What we're starting to see is the discipleship that is happening in screens. Most guys are looking to other guys in their stage of life, they're looking to influencers for how to be the best dad that they can be when really what they've lacked is mentoring and a mission. Dad Academy comes alongside trying to create not just information, but helps a guy discover the dad that God's already designed them to be.

One of my core convictions is that if we've been made in the image of God, that there is already greatness embedded into us. Jesus had this conversation with the disciples. He said whoever wants to be great among you must become your servant. For the Son of Man didn't come to be served, but to serve and to give His life for many. I really believe that if a man could adopt that as his mission statement, then it would help to align a lot of things in his life.

I had a very good friend of mine who, when he turned 60, said, "Jeff, you know it was just recently that I really became a man." I said, "What do you mean by that?" He said, "I finally figured out that my life is not about me. That my life has its greatest impact and influence when I'm giving what I have away." We try to help dads think through how to intentionally partner with God in the shaping of those He's entrusted to them. What a powerful idea, that God loves you and thinks enough of you that He says, "I'm going to give you people that I love so that you can love them and help them become who I've designed them to be." That is a mind-boggling concept that God loves us enough and believes enough. He wouldn't have done it unless He's already put in us what is required to be able to partner with Him. So what we have to do is just see those things start to be uncovered in our lives.

Dr. Danny Huerta: Let's go practical on that so dads know how to serve the family. There are different perceptions of what that means. For some it could mean I'm providing for my family financially, I'm providing everything they need. Others are saying I'm providing time. When we talk about this giving of self and sacrificing for the family as a father, as a husband, what are some practical ways that a dad can do that today? Just giving of himself in the day-to-day with their family. What does that look like from your point of view from the Dad Academy?

Pastor Jeff Hamilton: I know as a dad that most of the best dads today are responsive to the things that are taking place in their family's lives. At times we even catch ourselves reacting and just playing catch-up to all of the things that are happening because of the personal responsibilities and weights that we have to do. What I think will help dads the most is being as intentional as they can be.

There's work hours and things that work is going to require from me, but I remember early on that one of the things that shaped my wife and I's marriage and our approach to parenting is that when I came through the door, "Work Jeff" and "Pastor Jeff" had to come off and "Dad and Husband" had to be turned on. Husband first, actually. My wife was smart enough to know that it takes me a little time to change those kind of gears.

What we would do is we would sit down and we would connect for a minute and kind of process not her to-do list, not her honey-do list for me, but just make sure that we're connected relationally. Then we started approaching the parenting side, the marriage side, the household chore side, being on the same page and connected and synced up.

I also think that one of the things that a dad has to do is just not get caught up into the routine. So much of dad life ends up just being Uber for your kids. And yet, those are really important moments. The most important conversations I ever had with my children when they were growing up, and even to this day, are not when I said, "Hey, family meeting," or "Hey, family devotions." It's when we were always doing something on our way to something else. Making sure that the time that we had, that I'm available to them. That I'm not drifting, that I'm not side-stepping.

Then I just tried to be also one of the things that dads I think underestimate is how important their very presence is. When you're at the sixth-grade choir performance, your kid is looking for you, dad. When you're at the Little League game, they're looking for you. They're not looking to be coached by you, they're not looking to be corrected by you. They need to know that their dad is their greatest cheerleader and their greatest fan. That kind of trust creates an authentic kind of relationship that then eventually turns to trust and allows that development of that relationship, which is really the first step of what dads do in a kid's life—to deposit courage in them, to develop courage in them.

Dr. Danny Huerta: Courage. Those are action words that are so important: cultivating and building. It takes those intentional moments. So you mentioned being intentional, be connected, have conversations, be available, and be present. That's a good playbook. You're talking about a plan. Entering the day with a plan is one that a dad can work with for sure on figuring out ways within the schedule, within the reality of how to live within these rhythms as a father. This would apply to moms as well.

Pastor Jeff Hamilton: For dads it tends to be conceptual and I want to make this thing practical. I just did a webinar with a bunch of dads about your Dad Plan. At the end of Dad Academy you actually walk away with a personalized Dad Plan about communicating your values and passing on your skills and ways to create milestone and memorable moments in your family's life.

That's how God shaped a people. God shaped a people through stories, through identity, through these shared experiences, through these rituals and traditions. One of the practical things that I help to do if you want to be present and be intentional is every year one of your kids is going to have a birthday. How do you participate? Usually mom runs that show, but one of the things that a mentor told me very on is, "Dad, make sure that you're the one who writes the card." Write something significant in that card of what you see in them and what's happening and what this new stage is and what you're believing in them for their lives. That simple little act of taking one extra step, not just of being present, but being intentional and making that moment memorable. My 30-year-old son has probably a dozen cards that he's kept over the years that he refers back to.

Rebecca St. James: I love that idea because, Jeff, you just said that your son has referred back to them. It's so wonderful to have that written-down copy of that affirmation. Another thing I know my husband has done quite consistently with our kids, especially on birthdays, is speak a word of affirmation over them. You can film that too, moms. Side note, you can film that moment. If your husband's not particularly a card writer, encourage your husband to speak that word of affirmation over your child and film it. That son or daughter has that moment forever filmed as well.

I'd love to switch to something that you really make a big deal out of in your writing, and that is that you speak to the failures that we feel as parents or the mistakes that we make, not being a place of shame, but more like a lesson that we're learning. Failure isn't the opposite of good parenting, it's part of it. What matters most isn't avoiding mistakes, but how dads and moms respond after they happen. You reframe mistakes as lessons instead of a proof of failure. Why was that important for you to share about being honest about your own mistakes in the book and how can you encourage dads or moms listening that just want a fresh start because they feel shame in relation to their parenting?

Pastor Jeff Hamilton: I'm a sports guy. I still coach high school sports and I'm at the tail end of my basketball season before we head into the playoffs. There's never been an NBA player that has shot 50% for his career. So they miss more shots than they make. In baseball, you only have to get three hits out of ten and you are a multimillionaire and possibly slotted for the Hall of Fame.

There's a high level of success that is expected of dads that often is self-imposed. We understand our own weaknesses. So many men are trapped by shame. They don't understand the idea of how the thing that makes a man feel loved is respect and admiration. When we're not feeling that from our community and the most important people in our life, we feel so much like a failure and we're always trying to prove something to someone. It may even be proving something to someone in our past who we'll never be able to reconcile with.

When we just give ourselves permission not to be perfect, presence is important. God is so good at redeeming these moments and reconciling these types of things. One of my favorite passages in the entire New Testament is the moment that Jesus has with Peter following the resurrection. It's a direct echo back to when Peter was first called by Jesus. Jesus meets him on the Sea of Galilee and they're bringing in a whole bunch of fish and He just looked at Peter and said, "Do you love me?"

I think there is a continued thing that we need to be able to understand about the love of God. Not to get too preachy or pastory, but one of the first moments that we have in the life of Jesus is recorded in the Book of Mark, His baptism. At His baptism, there was a voice from heaven that said, "This is my beloved Son, my being loved, my always has been loved and my always will be being loved Son, in whom I am well pleased."

I always ask men, what had Jesus done to that point? He was commissioned with that. He was sent out with that. I just hope that dads, especially if they carry a father wound or an absent father wound, that they have a Father who already loves them and who is already pleased with them, who expects for them to grow and to change and to make mistakes. Repenting, just the turning, the quick turning, is going to be something that sets so many parents free. We just don't have to be perfect, we just have to be in process and we don't have to bat a thousand. We don't have to make 100% of our shots. But what they say is there's only one way to make a basket: keep shooting. Keep swinging. Moms, dads, keep shooting, keep swinging, because it's going to make a difference.

Dr. Danny Huerta: In that repair, when a dad has messed up and there's that need to repair, it takes a humble heart of a dad to allow for himself to ask for forgiveness. Speak to the importance of a humble heart and what that shaping looks like in this context.

Pastor Jeff Hamilton: In Dad Academy when we talk about developing courage in the hearts of our children, the word courage comes from the Latin word *cor*, which is the heart. What we're doing is we're really shaping the hearts of our children to allow them to attack life with faith and not a sense of fear or failure. Courageous people say these four things: I love you, I'm sorry, I forgive you, and thank you and you're welcome.

When we just are giving our kids—in the leadership world we call this emotional intelligence—they learn it from being modeled by us. Every kid needs to hear from their dad a couple of things: I love you, I'm proud of you, and you're good at, then fill in the blank. But a dad also needs to be willing to admit to his kids, "I messed up on that one. I'm really, really sorry." Dad can't be perfect. "Can you allow me to continue to grow just like I'm allowing you to grow?"

Those are powerful transformational moments that happen in the character of our children because they understand that trust is connected to faith. If I can trust the model and trust the example, then I can believe that the outcome is going to be productive. Just like it says in Romans 8:28, that in all things God is working for our good. No matter what we experience, anybody can take something good and make it bad. Only God can take something bad and make it good.

Rebecca St. James: What do you think are some things for our moms that are listening that a mom can do to help her husband be the best father that he can be?

Pastor Jeff Hamilton: I think it's seated in the way that God has designed men and women. Women, one of the ways that love is expressed is a sense of security that they feel emotionally, financially, and relationally. But moms need to understand that dad wants to be—we want to be the knight in shining armor. We want to be the hero.

There's a passage in my church tradition that may have been abused in the past, but it says to speak those things that are not as though they are. One of the things that my wife and I teach in marriage retreats and as we resource couples is we say that you have the spouse that you've created. What you want to see come out of them, you've got to find those moments of reward and award.

As a coach, it's very easy to stop practice and to tell a kid the one thing that he's done wrong in front of all of his teammates. But do we ever stop practice to tell a kid he did exactly what he was supposed to do in that moment and to affirm him in front of all those kids? In the man world, you get affirmation from doing something right, you're going to do that over and over and over again. How many moms are tired of nagging your husbands to take out the trash? Keep nagging him, and the one time that he does it, you plant the biggest kiss on him that you can and tell him thank you so much and that means so much to him. All of a sudden that dude's brain is going to start to get rewired. He's going to start seeking out opportunities to find affirmation because it's drawing out the best part of him of who he hopes he can be.

So moms, that's why in 1 Peter it says that you're like Sarah if you are a woman of faith as it relates to your husband. You have to call out the things that God's already placed inside of them with a lot of affirmation, respect. It's not fair, but if you want that kind of change, you want that kind of husband, you want that kind of a father, instead of telling him what he's doing wrong, find the little things that he's doing right and he'll start repeating more of those and look for more opportunities to do more of that.

Dr. Danny Huerta: That feedback loop is so important for a dad to receive from a mom and it also models teamwork in the home for the kids. It creates respect for both in the authority of the home. I'm just thinking of the one thing that you would say if a dad's leaving the room right now, what's the one thing you want them to take away as they are leaning in intentionally with their kids and with their spouse? What does that look like from a simple and very practical perspective?

Pastor Jeff Hamilton: Very few men are diligent with their own personal development outside of their workplace. Becoming the best dad that you can be, becoming the best husband you can be, is probably the thing that will pay off the greatest rewards because a man's legacy is how he's remembered by those that he loves. The legacy that you want to leave requires some intention and requires some personal development. You can't be a good husband by not going through seasons of self-evaluation and self-growth, and you can't be a great dad without applying yourself to learning some skills and some tips. It's so easy to develop a plan. We do that in every area of our life. With a little intention, a little purposefulness, will go a long way in partnering with God. So I would just say you've got to give some time to personal development.

Dr. Danny Huerta: That was a heartbeat behind the Seven Traits Assessment, the parenting assessment we created for parents. It begins with a healthy parent. When people are asking how can I do better in my parenting, many times the thought is I need to understand my child, but it begins with understanding ourselves and our personal growth.

Pastor Jeff Hamilton: That's the first three chapters of Dad Academy before we even get into the plan. It's about you as a dad, looking at yourself and finding the growth points.

Dr. Danny Huerta: Be sure to check out that free assessment that we've got there for you as a starting point to begin to think about where am I at as a parent. Am I showing up with affection, with attention towards my child, that sensitivity, and am I guiding my child intentionally? The link will be in the show notes for you. Again, it's a parenting assessment that's free. You get a report for each of your kids. You're thinking about each child at a time because each one's different, each one is going to draw different things out of you and trigger you differently. As Jeff just said here, it's that personal growth, that next step is you looking inward as you look outward into your kids' lives.

Rebecca St. James: Practice Makes Parent community, we just encourage you to take what you heard today, let God do the work that He's already started in you, and just keep showing up. As we say every week, it's not about perfection, it is about this transformation that God wants to do in our lives as we submit to Him. Dads, you're so key in the life of your kids and we just applaud you as you battle to be the best version of you that you can be to honor God in your marriage and for your kids as well. You're doing a great job, dads. Even that you're listening right now is huge and we're grateful for that. If you'd like to get a copy of Pastor Jeff Hamilton's book, Dad Academy, we'll make it available to you for a gift of any amount. Just click on our show notes for more.

Dr. Danny Huerta: With Father's Day being next month, think about giving Jeff's book as a gift to that dad that you know. In Malachi 4:6, scripture tells us that God's heart is to turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers. That means if there has been a break in your parent-child relationship, restoration is always possible and I encourage you to pursue that.

It starts with just one step of obedience. If you're a dad who's missed special moments in your child's life or you feel you've really messed up or you feel like you've fallen short as a dad, hear us when we say God is not finished with you or your relationship with each of your kids. The same Father who runs towards a prodigal is running toward you too today. So let Him receive you in His arms.

We know when a dad's heart turns back toward home, heaven moves with him. If you have any questions or you'd like to speak with one of our counselors here at Focus on the Family, feel free to do so. It's a free call of consultation with one of those counselors and the number's 1-800-A-FAMILY. I served on that team and had some great moments with several different dads in different places, different stages of life. Don't feel shame calling that number. It's completely confidential. Just know they'll call you back and give you some godly encouragement about where you can go next, and maybe that is a referral to a counselor in your area because you need some personal healing. Again, that parenting tool that we talked about, be sure to check that assessment out. It's free. The research team put in a lot of time to put something there for you as a great starting point.

Rebecca St. James: It doesn't take long to fill it out. I've done it, but it's really informative and really, really helpful. Well, it's time for our Q&A portion of the show. We love this part because we get to hear from you all as our listeners. It's perfect that you're with us, Pastor Jeff, as this has a lot to do with how a wife can support her husband.

Pastor Jeff Hamilton: I'm probably better at answering it than practicing it, so there's that humility and that honesty.

Rebecca St. James: Today's question comes from Jennifer, who writes, "This is a small thing, but I'd appreciate your help. I'm a mom of four and my husband is a wonderful provider. He works hard and like most men, when he comes home, he needs space before the kids bombard him. I always allow about 30 minutes for dad to decompress from his day, but sometimes he needs an hour or so. The other day my eldest, who is 15, told her brother, 'Dad needs to be away from us for a while, his mind can't take it.' I could tell she didn't quite understand how beneficial decompression can be, but it also was a bit disparaging toward her father. What are some ways I can tell the kids while they wait for their dad to be ready for them? I don't want them thinking that their dad can't handle parenting, but I also have to support my husband." Jeff, what would you say to this mom, Jennifer?

Pastor Jeff Hamilton: I come from the generation where back in the day you actually used to have to physically turn the channel on the television. As a kid I had to get up and there was a knob on this box that you had to switch. I would just encourage Jennifer—I hope this isn't my sister writing about my brother-in-law since her name is Jennifer. There's a famous culturally well-known book called Women are Spaghetti, Men are Waffles. Everything's all tied in together. Men, in order to be able to function, we compartmentalize. We're one task at a time.

I think just giving her kids an understanding like it's kind of like re-changing the channel or having to reboot your computer when things are not operating the way that they should be. If you can give dad just a time to kind of change the channel a little bit, then we're going to get the best of him instead of what's left of him.

Dr. Danny Huerta: It's kind of like recharging the battery on your phone. The phone's kind of run down, dad's run down, and he's kind of on the red zone and needs to plug in for a little bit to recharge. That refilling. I love Jennifer's understanding of her husband here and her kindness and respect for that. She says he needs 30 minutes, maybe sometimes needs an hour. That shows a loving respect for that and an understanding of her husband.

I want to challenge this dad a little bit and maybe ask him how can you prepare for this because it's a short season of life. It goes so quickly. I've talked to many dads that go, "Man, I wish I would have done this, I wish I would have done that." There are some moments of regret that dads reach when kids are no longer at home and now they miss that. I remember early in my career as a counselor, I put the picture of my family next to the light switch because I wanted to make sure I could switch that brain over because it is hard. It's hard to all of a sudden be mentally present, emotionally present with the kids with all the needs just bombarding you.

There were a few times where I'd stay longer at work knowing that I wasn't ready to turn the switch off at work. So I stayed an extra 10, 15 minutes, 20 minutes knowing that when I go through the door, I don't want my kids feeling a sense of rejection that I can't handle them. I want to make sure that I'm processing through things. There were moments where I sat in the car for a little while just going, "Okay, I need to get through these and I'm going to do my best to engage."

That was something that just helped me. Maybe that can be helpful for your husband, Jennifer. Maybe he sticks around for another 10, 15 minutes at work in a place where he can decompress a little bit so that he does it there and then gets home and is ready to engage so the kids are processing it differently. Maybe he can put that picture next to the light switch. When he turns the lights off at work, the lights are going on for the home time. Maybe there's a way for him to connect to somebody that he recharges with on the way home over the phone if he's a social guy and is just needing to process some things verbally. But I totally get this. This is a common need and desire from several dads out there. Hopefully that's a practical way for your husband to try to do this a little differently and connect with your kids. That 15-year-old will definitely get it over time. There's a need to decompress sometimes when you've had so much load. As that child gets to 16, 17, 18, I think they'll have more and more understanding and compassion towards their dad on this as well.

Pastor Jeff Hamilton: I'm with you. As these teens get older, when kids were little, you got to dictate the terms of the relationship, when you wanted to talk, when you were ready. If you want to maintain those healthy lines of communication, those opportunities shift because now it's kind of on their terms when their hearts are open and when they're ready. I just want to echo what you said. I would go back and change places with that dad in a heartbeat. In parenting, what do we say? The days are long but the years are short.

Just to echo something, one of my biggest social media posts was a simple little video that you have 936 weeks from your child's birth to the time that they turn 18 years old. 936 weeks that you are face-to-face and engage with your children in those 18 years. Then for the rest of your life as a parent, you will only spend 52 more weeks with your children face-to-face. So maximizing these moments I think is really an important responsibility. While we do commend Jennifer's heart and sensitivity and finding a way to explain to her kids, I don't want to put a greater demand on this dad, but I would like to encourage him that nobody goes to their deathbed thinking that I wish I'd worked more.

Rebecca St. James: That's really, really good words from both of you. Thank you so much and I know our podcast family is appreciating this very, very much. Thank you so much for your question, Jennifer. Keep an eye out for Danny's book, Seven Traits of Effective Parenting. For your participation in the show, we'll send you a free book. If we use your question on the podcast, please do send it in, reach out to us, send us your email or a voicemail by clicking on the show notes. Pastor Jeff, you're doing some great work at Dad Academy and the ministry that you have to fathers. Keep up the great work. We're really thrilled to have you on the show. Thank you for being here and all your wisdom.

Dr. Danny Huerta: I so appreciate this show and how practical the tools are that our guests are giving us. I'm taking away so much. I mean, the amount of time you see me writing notes. I just feel very, very thankful to be part of this. Thank you to our listeners that join us every week. We do pray that this show is blessing you as much as it's blessing me. We'll have another incredible show next week, so be sure to join us and we'll look forward to having you here with us. I'm Dr. Danny Huerta.

Rebecca St. James: And I'm Rebecca St. James. Join us next time for more tips for transforming your parenting on Practice Makes Parent.

Dr. Danny Huerta: Well, hi, this is Dr. Danny Huerta. Watching your teen wrestle with anxiety can be heartbreaking. Whether it shows up through stress at school, friendship struggles, or deeper fears that are hard to put into words, you're not alone and hope is possible. In this new podcast, Fearless Faith, I unpack where anxiety often begins and young adult Caroline shares how they've found healing through faith, trusted support, and simple tools that make a real difference. Discover more at navigatingteenanxiety.com.