Practice Makes Parent

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Dr. Danny Huerta: Well, hi and welcome to Practice Makes Parent where we understand it's not about perfection but about transformation. I'm Dr. Danny Huerta.

Rebecca St. James: And I'm Rebecca St. James. I love that this episode is book centered. Every single episode of ours is somewhat book centered when we have our awesome guests, but this is centered towards children. I love reading. Danny, I know you love reading. You've had to do a lot in your studies and your doctorate and all of that.

Dr. Danny Huerta: Not always, but yes, I do enjoy it most of the time.

Rebecca St. James: Not always, but you are a constant learner. I know that about you. That pursuit of knowledge is big for both of us and our guests. Hopefully, as parents read to their children, our kids will develop the love of reading too and be learning along with us. Today, we are going to talk about a series of children's books that help teach theology.

Dr. Danny Huerta: Super cool books too. When we hear the word theology, we tend to tune out sometimes or think about studying seminary or a stack of concordances or maybe a preacher. But theology is something that kids are already wired for and ready to learn because they ask questions like, "Why am I here?" and, "Who made butterflies? Who made bees?"

John 15:5 says this, and I love this piece of Scripture. It says, "I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing." There's theology right there. Apart from God, we can do nothing. If we want to do something, we have to know who this God is. Mom and Dad, you don't need a seminary degree to teach your kids about God. Just intentional conversations about big truths that can be taught in small, everyday moments. As you'll soon find out, today's guest has made theology easy, accessible, and fun.

Rebecca St. James: We'll also be answering a listener question from a mom who feels as though she's not enough. I know a lot of moms feel that. She's asking what she can do to feel more like a contributor rather than a consumer.

Dr. Danny Huerta: Today's guest is Ryan Frederick. He and his wife, Selena, co-founded the online community called fiercemarriage.com. They've been married for over 20 years and have four daughters. Ryan is also the author of the children's book series called *Adam and Iota*. These little books are wonderful tools for you parents to creatively teach your children about creation and God's design. Ryan, we can't wait to hear more. Thanks for being here.

Ryan Frederick: Thank you so much for having me on. This is a joy.

Dr. Danny Huerta: It's exciting to have you here. It's fun to dig into children's books and look at the creativity there. You've presented a really good story here.

Rebecca St. James: I love that you just have a passion to encourage kids in understanding God and the study of God. How old are your kids, Ryan?

Ryan Frederick: We have four daughters. Our oldest is 12, then nine, six, and three for the moment. It gets all messed up when they have birthdays.

Rebecca St. James: It is hard to keep track. Can you share just a little bit about the why of why you wrote this book and what the catalyst for it was?

Ryan Frederick: As every parent will attest, there's something that clicks in you as a parent when you have your first child. Then that child grows and starts crawling and walking. As you go on walks together, they start noticing. They start seeing things, and everything is brand new. As a parent, it's humbling because you realize you've lost that wonder, but they help you get it back.

As our oldest was younger, I started thinking, how do I help her behold the glories that she's beholding with the sponginess that she's beholding it with, but then point her to the termination point of that glory? God is the creator of the things she's noticing. I'm thinking of a time early on when we were walking, and it was just her. She's learning to say the word caterpillar. She couldn't say it, and it was the cutest thing, but she just loves life. Everything about life was bright and new.

I wanted to be able to help her understand why caterpillars are wonderful, and of course, that led to thinking through theological categories because it's created and everything resounds with the glory of God. Somewhere in there, I started going to seminary, and I started learning things that I wish I would have learned sooner. I learned categories for understanding Scripture, categories for understanding reality, and categories for understanding and loving and following God.

It's just been a providential unfolding of these books. They come from Theology Kids, which is the larger brand. It's to help kids understand general revelation and that God has given us a vision of himself in creation. It's even written on our hearts that we are accountable before God. We exist in light of God, made in his image. That's there and it's apparent no matter if you've ever heard Scripture or not. But then he's given us Scripture and his special revelation that we might understand his character and his will for us. That's the beginning of it, and these books are the initial outworking of that.

Dr. Danny Huerta: When my kids were growing up, you were talking about the word caterpillar. My son had a hard time with ambulance. He said "ambliance." Cucumber was another tough one. I loved recording those moments. You miss it.

Rebecca St. James: You get kind of sad when they actually start correcting it.

Dr. Danny Huerta: As we think about core messages that you want kids to take away from this time with the parents and the values from the book, let's talk about a few of those. You mentioned knowing the image of God and the character of God. Let's talk specifically about core messages from *Meet Adam and Iota*.

Ryan Frederick: That book is introducing the characters because the characters themselves are the foundation for understanding revelation. Adam is the smallest unit of matter. As you can see on the cover, he's this happy guy with glasses. He's kind of the nerd of the two. He's going around admiring and noticing things about creation. He is the one who knows what it is and how it works.

Then there's Iota, who is modeled after the Greek letter. People say it other ways. He represents the smallest unit of thought. Adam is saying here's what it is and here's how it's made, which is general revelation. He's noticing things. But Iota is the one who comes in and says, "That is amazing, but here's why." It's pointing to someone, it's pointing to a designer, it's pointing to a creator.

Throughout their adventures, they're noticing things that are marvelous and wonderful and glorious about how God has created humans. Iota says he's made humans in his image.

Dr. Danny Huerta: It's observation and understanding. It's teaching about observation and looking at those things and noticing. The other one is absorbing that, making sense of it, and understanding it.

Ryan Frederick: My hope with these books is to give parents an occasion to have these conversations. Parenting is about the business of norm-making. You're normalizing things in a child's life for their entire childhood. What I'm hoping parents will glean from this and their kids will learn is that it's normal to look at things and say, "That's beautiful," and then say, "God made that." That's the ultimate connection to be made. Don't be surprised as you go about exploring wonderful, glorious things, even into the deep sciences. It's only going to reveal to you more of what you already expected because it all isn't just glorious on its own. It's good and marvelous because God made it and he himself is good and marvelous and miraculous.

Rebecca St. James: We're going to go into the ages and stages and how we can really help our kids create practical habits or rhythms in our families that can encourage this understanding of God, of theology, of special revelation, and of natural general revelation. But before we do that, I have a question for you. How have you, just as a dad, taught theology in your own home? What are some of the ways that you and your wife have brought a curiosity and a longing for it to your kids?

Ryan Frederick: Your kids will love what you love, and they'll be curious about what you're curious about. I'm naturally just curious about this stuff. I want to learn. I didn't grow up in it. My parents were Christian, but I didn't grow up learning any of this stuff. As I've learned it, I've realized it's just been so helpful in unlocking actual meaning that matters and understanding and wisdom.

People educate their kids in a variety of ways. We are classical educators, so we follow that method. For us, it starts with vocabulary. We're going to give them the words. We're going to give them the buckets. Hopefully those buckets stick around and they understand basically what those buckets are for. As we're reading Scripture, we're putting that in the theology proper bucket or in the christology bucket or whatever the category is. Because they're curious and because they're seeing me be curious, that gives occasion for conversations.

We'll read Scripture, and I'll ask them about things like the Trinity. No one really understands the Trinity because it's beyond our understanding, but they know what it means when I say Trinity. It's three persons in one God. Giving them the categories and the vocabulary to do things is the beginning. We're starting to see that flower come into bloom with our oldest. What's really cool is we're reading Scripture, and she'll look up and say, "I see that doctrine right here."

What I love the most is when we are watching a movie together and she'll be able to call out the lies because it's a counterfeit. She's able to see the agenda because she knows what the truth is. That's born from many conversations of us calling out lies together and pointing the things out together and saying the quiet part out loud. Seeing her do that on her own is like a little glimpse of what I'm hoping for and thankful to see.

Dr. Danny Huerta: The word theology in essence means words about God. That's what you're drawing out for your kids. You mentioned the word curiosity, and I don't want to just skip over that. There's a natural curiosity that kids have that we tend to lose over time, and it's a good thing to spark back in us. That word fits under intentionality as a parent. You're curious about your child, but you're also curious about who God is. It seems that kids can draw that out from us and renew our curiosity about who God is and about the words about the God that we serve.

It challenges us a bit. Let's talk about zero to three. What does that look like in a practical way to go to the natural revelation that you said about observation and then the special revelation, which is the words and the understanding? Let's talk about natural first. What does that look like for zero to three?

Ryan Frederick: Everything a three-year-old does throughout their day, they're going to be curious about. Normalize for them to look at that thing, to embrace the wonder that it is, and then look to God as the origin of that and the answer for the questions that that thing raises. She's not understanding this stuff, but that's not the point. The point is to normalize. This is what Christians do. This is who we are. We look at the world, and we ask questions, and then we expect to find those answers in the holy God of Scriptures. Sometimes we can think, "Oh, they're not going to get it, so let's not use the word." But it's not about them getting the word. It's about creating a culture in your home where those words are common.

Dr. Danny Huerta: Let's look at four to eight for the natural revelation.

Ryan Frederick: It's more of the same. It's recognizing, pointing, and filling the buckets. Our six-year-old right now has so many giftings, but she's the last one of our four kids, including our three-year-old, to care about reading. She's just wired that way. She'd rather be outside running. She's super fast and can't slow down to read a book. But she is starting to now recognize these things and articulate them because kids, especially young kids, want you to delight in them. When they see you delight in a thing, namely in understanding and knowing and pointing to God, they're going to seek to understand, to know, and to point to God.

Dr. Danny Huerta: Let's go to a bit more challenging time: nine to 12 and then 13 to 18 when so many things are coming at them. How do we encourage that natural revelation?

Ryan Frederick: The natural reveals something of God's character, but it doesn't fully make sense until we understand the special and who he's designed us to be, namely the covenantalness. We're not just created and standing in the ether. We stand in relation to God always. He is actively upholding the universe by the strength of his power. We can talk about emotions. We can talk about anything that a young kid goes through.

Teaching them to observe that, to process that, and to look to God for the solutions to that. Knowing that they stand before him as somebody who has a sin nature, we don't understand things rightly. If our nine-year-old is going through a hard thing, struggling with conflict with her sisters, conflict with a friend, or internal turmoil, I'm going to look to her and say, "Okay, this is what you're seeing. This is what you're feeling. What does the gospel say about this?" That's one of those rote questions, and maybe you don't know how to answer it, but the point is that you're centering the answer. We start there. What is the reality that Jesus Christ came in the flesh, was revealed in the flesh? He came and lived a perfect, sinless life. You needed him to intervene. He did, and now you are saved by his grace. What does that reality say about the situation?

Rebecca St. James: I love that the Bible is so specific about how to live in relationship with each other too. When you think of 1 Corinthians 13, it lays out what love looks like. I love this idea of making the theology practical, linking the Bible that special revelation to their lives and saying, "What does God say in his word that can help you in your relationship with your siblings? What does he say in his word that can help you in your relationship with your friend?" We've started more consistently using nature journals. We've kind of dabbled in it, and it's so wonderful. They've really embraced it. They go out and look for a little flower or a pine cone, and then draw a picture of it and describe it. Let's direct that back to God. Look at the intricacies of this flower. Let it invoke wonder and awe at our insanely creative God who is the author of it all.

Ryan Frederick: I would posit that all of life is theology. It all has to do with our orientation toward God and as a result of living in his reality, not our own. Christ and the Bible are not subjects to be studied alongside and in parallel with other observations you'd make in biology, math, whatever they're studying in their curriculum. They're not alongside, but they actually are truth-norming and they are saturating every topic.

One of the things we strive for in our classical studies is overt Christ-centeredness. Is Christ relevant to history? Well, yes, because anything we study is going to be in relation to the resurrection of Christ. Is he relevant to biology? Well, yes, we're created in God's image and he's our maker and our sustainer. We can go to any Scripture that talks about that. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Is he relevant to mathematics? Well, he upholds the universe by the word of his power. How does he do that? Through his natural laws and through the laws of physics. He is central to everything. It's all about normalizing the truth, not just a view, but the truth that it's all theology.

When we endeavor to teach our children theology, we're not just saying, "Okay, now we're going to study the Bible and we're going to come up with the categories that theologians use so that we can understand this specific text." No, we're looking at that because we want to know how all of it makes sense. It is the norming norm in our lives, the word of God and the revelation we have in Christ.

Dr. Danny Huerta: It's fascinating as a teenager their brain begins to shift away from a humble posture, away from a conscientiousness. They don't notice certain details. Now with technology and entertainment coming in, I know it's a challenge for parents to help their teens notice creation because creation raises the questions and the gospel helps answer those questions. It takes two separate conversations. What do you see in nature? What is out there? With teenagers, sometimes that curiosity has been distracted in a different direction. Within a technological world where you can create your own anything, your own reality, and now with AI coming in, it creates a whole different challenge for parents to create an awe in a Heavenly Father in creation and being out camping, being out hiking, interacting with God's nature.

Research points to the fact that the more we interact with nature in conversation, relationship, or hiking, outside, outdoors, the more benefit it is for our body, the physiology in our body. We were created to interact with his creation. Speak to that parent that maybe is right now at a frustration point. I wish my teen would just notice nature with me. How can a parent begin a step towards that with their teen that is maybe either stepped away from them, is starting to articulate their own independence and autonomy and is saying, "Mom, Dad, that was old stuff. I'm not into that anymore." How can they step towards that in a gentle way and yet pointing them towards this awe of God has created some amazing things?

Ryan Frederick: Model it by you yourself being genuinely enraptured by it and wanting to know the glory of God and to recognize and to give glory to God because of what we see. A lot of teens, because their brains are developing and they're getting to a certain phase in life where they're looking more outward and they're starting to process things and think more critically, which that's good. But the theological category that comes to mind when you were talking is epistemology. That's one of the most difficult theological categories to understand personally. It's basically the study of knowledge and knowing. How do I know what I know?

A lot of times teens are really concerned with evidence, especially a teen who's maybe looking out away from the faith they grew up in for answers. They're looking for evidence, and they're putting weight in evidence based on some epistemology. Now, they won't call it epistemology, but they're relying on a certain belief on the basis of knowledge that is going to validate the truths and the rationality that they have and the conclusions they reach.

One of the main concerns I have here is giving kids at a young age an awareness of these theological categories. They're complex, but one of the funny things about skepticism is that skeptics are pretty unskeptical about their skepticism because they take it for granted. Well, on what basis? We as Christians say the Scripture is our authority, not tradition, not my own rationality. Epistemology fits in what's called prolegomena, which is the first thing in how we even approach God's word. It is the thing that tells me how to think.

Tell a teenager who is drinking from the Enlightenment Kool-Aid that's going to be like nails on a chalkboard. But if you take epistemology and you take it to its end game, it ends up being circular no matter how you look at it. Just who are you trusting? Are you trusting your own words, your own thoughts? Or are you trusting God's words and God's thoughts? At the end of the day, it's going to be circular. It's just one circle is much larger than the other and one actually points to truth that makes sense of everything, the other doesn't make sense of everything. You got me going on a rabbit trail, but that's why I think this is so important. You give kids the buckets, the categories. At least you wet their whistle so they're thinking more critically, more broadly.

Dr. Danny Huerta: In that teaching, you are going against their natural tendency to go away from a humble heart and moving them towards a humble heart, which is so healthy. That's the healthy tension there for a teen where they're trying to have that autonomy, but it needs to be shaped and formed in a healthy way. When a parent points to a bigger God and a larger story and a picture and takes the time to have deeper conversation on that, it begins to form a humble heart and it also forms that conscientiousness that is so healthy in the development of a teen into adulthood. Even though it's difficult, it's worth it.

Rebecca St. James: I think there's something to be said for we cannot view nature or be immersed in nature without a sense of, "Oh my goodness, this world, this universe is so massive, and I'm so small in comparison." When you're talking about humility of teenagers, I do think there's something very important about our teens being in nature because you kind of see our smallness compared to the glory of God and his massiveness. We haven't even found the end of the universe. It just goes on and on, the galaxies. There's a wonder that is evoked in us that I think is really, really important for teens. Even pressing through the discomfort like, "Yeah, we're going to do this as a family. We're going to go on this trip. We're going to go see this waterfall." I think there's something that's very important to that and to their understanding of God and theology.

Dr. Danny Huerta: It brings up a story for me when I was a teen. My mom and dad both earned their rewards here. We went on a ski trip to Powderhorn here in Colorado. There had been fresh powder. We had complained on the way there because we didn't see any snow. My parents said, "Hey no, there's snow up there, don't worry about it." We got there and there was snow. We skied a full day. It was mostly empty. Tons of snow came down. Great powder. We had a great day. Then they said, "Yeah tomorrow we're going to a National Park." We said, "No, no, no, no." I said, "I want to ski. I mean, no one's here. We're here at a ski resort. No, I want to ski."

I was upset. I was angry. My brother was upset. They said, "You guys are going to love the National Park. We're going." That's what we were doing. I was in a bad mood. My brother was. They said, "No, we're going, get in the car. We're going to go to this National Park. We're going to see God's creation." We got there and we were in awe. It was like, "Oh my goodness." By the end of the day I was taking pictures, absolutely loved the National Park, forgot about the whole ski thing. But that was that self-centeredness of, "It's all about me, I want to ski." My parents had already planned out the trip and this was what they had planned already and I wasn't catching up to that. Then they took us there. It was uncomfortable for them on the ride. It was kind of quiet. We were upset and they powered through. That was a great parent thing. Good job doing that. Way to power through our moods and not letting that be contagious to you guys.

Walk us through these three things. The Walk, Collect, and Draw. Those three habits. What can that look like for kids?

Ryan Frederick: Walking is about being out there, recognizing, calling things out. As parents, I think that story with your parents really encapsulated it well. It's pushing through the moods, being stalwart. That's most of parenting. It's like, I just know better, you're just going to have to deal with it and come with me. You'll see, but I know better.

So that's the walking, getting out. Then collecting. There's wonder to be found everywhere. It's in the rocks beneath our feet, it's in the sky above our heads, it's in the trees we take for granted every day. One thing that blows my mind is birds. They are so common, they're considered nuisances. I forget there's a bird here in Colorado Springs. Our oldest is with me here and we're visiting and it's got the long tail and it's a beautiful, beautiful bird. We were out with Kim who is our producer for the broadcast and she said, "Oh, that's a scavenger bird." It was a magpie. Pointing them out, taking the walk, pointing the stuff out, and then the drawing I think is a good way to just internalize it and to think about something in a new, fresh way and to maybe appreciate some of the detail that you took for granted.

Even something like a pinecone. I can't draw to save my life, but I put a pinecone in front of our two oldest daughters and they will create this masterpiece almost. It forces you to process the information in a different way. I think admire it in a different way. Then that's where the theology piece comes in to saying this isn't just cool and intricate on its own. There's a reason for all of the things that you're recognizing, pointing them to Christ.

Rebecca St. James: That's something we've engaged with lately. We bought a bird feeder and we put it out on our back patio and it is amazing how many birds that invites and how courageous they are. I can be sitting six feet away and they can just be there enjoying that seed. Kids, the amount of times that we go, "Kids, look, there's like two or three on there right now and look at that color and look at that cardinal and the blues and the reds and the glory of God in these tiny birds." It's been a really great thing. Did you get any hummingbirds?

Ryan Frederick: We have before. We should get a hummingbird feeder, that's a really good idea. Very quick anecdote. I served on a wildfire helitack team in Washington state. We have these big, massive helicopters that carried thousands and thousands of gallons of water and all the fuel that they required just to carry the water. I just remember thinking how many millions of dollars they're spending keeping these hunks of metal in the sky. Then you see a hummingbird. It just makes a mockery of it all. On a few grams of sugar water, these things can dart and hover and they're alive and it blows my mind. Well, that's right there in front of us. Are we looking at it and marveling at it or are we just letting it pass us by?

Dr. Danny Huerta: We're surrounded by it. A great takeaway that could be a t-shirt is, "That's beautiful and God made it." When we're looking at creation all around us, even people, we can feel an annoyance towards people. Let's point out God made humanity in an amazing way and that's his masterpiece. How do we love his masterpiece around us? Are we loving and do we see the beauty of how he created life around us, including birds but people as well? Sometimes we can be hurt by people and so then we lose sight of that. Rebecca, let's step into the Q&A and Ryan, we'd like you to join us in that if you don't mind.

Rebecca St. James: We love this segment of the show. Today's question comes from a mom who wanted to remain anonymous. She writes, "I've read Danny's book and my question comes from a place of despair and overwhelm. I have three children under six and not only am I exhausted, but I often find myself thinking I've bitten off more than I can chew. I love my children. I just feel that I'm not doing enough for them, for me, my husband, and for the world. What are things that I can do to feel more like a contributor than a consumer? Danny, she has been listening to this show because we talk about that a lot on here and to your book, a contributor rather than a consumer. She gets an A+ on that. But she actually is very vulnerable here. She says, 'I actually feel like a prisoner with three masters. I know these feelings are temporary while I'm raising these little ones, and raising them to follow the Lord should be enough, but I'm afraid to say it's not. Any ideas?'"

We really appreciate this mom's vulnerability. As a mom, I can confess I've felt like I've been in survival mode at certain points in my parenting and I hear that in what she's saying here. I hear the survival mode and I just want to say sorry that you're experiencing the pain of that and the angst of that. Probably a thought that comes to mind is could you enlist more help or support from family or friends or your church community? Is there a Mothers' Day Out that you could enjoy or Mothers of Preschoolers, MOPS, at a church nearby? These are ways that you can sow into your own heart and experience some self-care that would sow into this season because it does sound like you are very overwhelmed.

Then I thought when you were sharing about the three masters, I definitely relate to that. I just feel like sometimes I have a particularly strong-willed child. Danny and I have spoken about this many times, gotten his advice on that. I know Focus on the Family speaks very well to that. Dr. Dobson wrote a great book on it. But in just addressing that, that can be exhausting, absolutely exhausting. So having the energy to with wisdom and with composure push back on those children that are a third of our age and they're trying to be the master of the family. It does take energy, having those boundaries with kids, and there are good books on boundaries. I hope these are helpful to you. Guys, what would you say to this mom that's just needing encouragement?

Ryan Frederick: Just recognize that's a tough season of parenting. A lot of issues I think moms face is you have feelings: frustration, anger, whatever the feeling is, but you also have feelings about your feelings. "I shouldn't be feeling frustrated. I shouldn't be angry." Now you're shaming yourself and that's just unproductive. I don't mean that in a cold way, but that's not how you move forward.

The word that I heard her say in the question was despair. That's a big word. That's a big bomb to drop. If I'm in her orbit as a friend, maybe a friend of her husband, and I hear her say despair, immediately I'm thinking let's talk about Christ because what do we do with our despair? What does faith say? Let's calibrate a little bit that there's a season we're in and there's a context we're in, but the greatest context is that we don't have reason for despair, we have reason for hope.

The hope then can become a spring from which you begin to embrace the role more fully. Two things came to mind. One is we must learn to love that which must be done. Learning to embrace the chaos. In the Frederick household we say, "Embrace the bananas." Everything feels like it's bananas all the time. Well, just embrace it. We're jovial warriors. We know how the book ends. We know the promises of God are true.

The other piece that would be encouraging to just give her permission to press into it: the mundane is the mission. It's that messy breakfast table where the toddler has thrown the Cheerios on the floor for the third time. That's the mission. You're not trying to avoid those moments or just get through those but that's where you press in and begin to walk in faith.

The question I would have is how can we enlist help? My first thought was what does her husband say? assumedly she's married. What is his role in this? I know one of the things that's really helped us with kids at a young age is there's the "Dad voice." Dads carry a certain energy. There's no energy like headship energy to come in and command a situation, not with a heavy hand but with clarity and with confidence and with authority that is just unique to a father.

What we've done in the past is I'll just sit the whole family down, three-year-old and all, and I'll say, "It's time for a family meeting. Here's where things are going off the rails. Here's what your mother has communicated to me. That's unacceptable for the Fredericks. That's not how we are. That's not how we want to raise you. We've allowed it to some extent. So for that, I repent, that I've allowed you to act this way. Just so you know, there's a new sheriff in town and we're not going to let this... so I'm enlisting your mother now to be my deputy when I'm at work or whatever and I'm going to come home and I'm going to ask her how you were."

Obviously if you've got a one-year-old it's going to land differently and there's all sorts of different things there. But seeing the mundane as the mission, partnering as a married couple, kids weren't meant to be raised only by a mother, they were meant to be raised with a mother and a father. Coming together with clarity would be really helpful.

Dr. Danny Huerta: All of that was fantastic. I just would add that there are pretty high expectations here of being everything, like being enough for her kids, her husband, and then the world. Those are big expectations, but it shows the drivenness of this mom. Maybe you want to figure out why is this all falling short for you? There's a purposefulness that you're wrestling with and are there some things that you can be doing with your kids to fulfill some of that purposefulness that you're seeking out that is not being fulfilled in the home?

Have you been assertive with your husband on what you need from him in managing the home because sometimes what happens with a driven mom is they want to take it all, they want to do it all, and then there's a feeling of martyrdom and there hasn't been an assertiveness of, "Hey guys, I need this, I need that," and it's taking everything on. That community you mentioned, Rebecca, is so, so important. There's an opportunity here within the repetition to also maybe think about what does appreciation look like and what am I doing right? I think you've lost sight of that. Just the fact that your kids are there at home and you have your husband there, you're maintaining a home and let's reframe it a little bit.

Just because you have desires doesn't make you a consumer. You're contributing to your home by serving them and maybe you're thinking about the attitude that you're bringing. Well, that's something that you can reset many times and it can be frustrating to feel trapped in something. So look into what's going on there and then look for a reset to create some margin for other things that you enjoy doing and maybe let your husband know there's moments where I just would love to feel appreciated for what I'm doing. Just know that at this stage of life, a lot of the invitations come to you, the demands are there and they're big towards you. By the time they're teens, the invitation turns from you towards them. What you're building here is capital for when you get to the teen years and you're asking to spend time and you're wanting to have more relationship with your kids. You will have put in the time and the effort there to build that opportunity, that invitation as you go into the teen years. I hope this is helpful to you as you go through this and may you be filled as God is with you as a mom and as you fulfill this calling on your life right now.

Rebecca St. James: Absolutely. We so appreciate your question. Thank you so much, this sweet anonymous mom that wrote in to us. We really appreciate you and that it was a catalyst for hearing this wisdom from Ryan and Danny that I know our listeners are going to appreciate as well. We're going to send you Danny's book, *Seven Traits of Effective Parenting*, as our way of saying thanks for participating in the show. I really appreciate this mom's honesty, Danny, and I think we also want all our listeners to know there's no bad questions. If you have a concern on your heart, we would love to help you walk through it. That's our privilege and honor. Send us your email or your voicemail. It's fast and simple. Just click on the show notes and we look forward to hearing from you.

Dr. Danny Huerta: And Rebecca, how can someone get *Meet Adam and Iota*?

Rebecca St. James: Well, one of the ways that you can do that is send a gift of any amount to Focus on the Family. All the details are in the show notes, and we just want to say thank you for contributing to the Practice Makes Parent outreach. Your gifts really make a difference as we help families thrive in Christ.

Dr. Danny Huerta: Ryan, I have a feeling that your work through *Adam and Iota* is going to bless many, many families. Thank you for your time here, your wisdom, just sharing your heart. Appreciate what you're doing professionally, but also as a dad for your family. I see the intentionality there. Thanks for being on Practice Makes Parent.

Ryan Frederick: Thanks, Danny. Thanks, Rebecca.

Rebecca St. James: Yeah, we appreciate you coming and being on the show and all your wisdom.

Dr. Danny Huerta: I'm Dr. Danny Huerta.

Rebecca St. James: And I'm Rebecca St. James. Join us next time for more tips for transforming your parenting on Practice Makes Parent.

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