Practice Makes Parent

Narrator: Josh experienced a traumatic childhood and today, he wants to help other families thrive.

Josh: I've partnered with Focus on the Family for quite some time now because they were instrumental to hope, to help.

Jim Daly: I'm Jim Daly. Let's transform our nation one family at a time with your monthly pledge at focusonthefamily.com/families.

Rebecca St. James: Hi and welcome to Practice Makes Parent where we understand it's not about perfection but about transformation. I'm Rebecca St. James.

Dr. Danny Huerta: I'm Dr. Danny Huerta and we all just experienced the celebration of America's 250th anniversary. What a milestone! I love it. Fireworks, parades, flyovers, picnics, those are all part of the fun of July 4th but there are some real concerns about how some in the younger generation are being taught what our nation was founded upon. Rebecca, did you know only 41 percent of Gen Z citizens say they're proud to be American?

Rebecca St. James: Oh, that's really low. That's really sobering. You don't have to look too far to see this in the public arena too. Pretty widespread college students have risen up saying they hate America. There have been public flag burnings that we've seen in the news and certain celebrities that have been very vocal about how they don't like the USA. It seems to be pretty pervasive in the younger generation which is why we as parents need to engage in this issue.

Dr. Danny Huerta: There's something behind that and we're going to be talking about that.

Rebecca St. James: I'm Australian but I'm a naturalized American citizen. I actually have to tell you, I cry when I sing "I'm Proud to Be an American." It really moves me. There is this sense of pride and joy in this country and all that it's been founded on. It hits my heart. We've got to get back to that. We've got to educate our kids, so we're going to be talking about that on this episode.

Dr. Danny Huerta: To put things in perspective for us, we are honored to welcome Dr. Ben Carson to the podcast today. I've been a big fan. I absolutely love this humble man. Dr. Carson served as the 17th Secretary of the US Department of Housing and Urban Development. For nearly 30 years, he served as the Director of Pediatric Neurosurgery at the Johns Hopkins Children's Center.

Most recently, he founded and is the chairman of the American Cornerstone Institute whose mission is to promote the four founding cornerstones of our country: faith, liberty, community, and life. We're excited to get his insight on what parents can do to help their children understand the principles that this country was founded on and to be proud to be an American. Dr. Carson, welcome to Practice Makes Parent. We're excited you're here.

Dr. Ben Carson: Thank you. I'm delighted to be with you and appreciate the patriotism that you all have demonstrated.

Rebecca St. James: You are a legend and we are really grateful that you gave of your time. We know our audience is going to be really blessed by your humility, your love for Jesus, and just your heart for this nation. I really wanted to begin with hearing a little bit about your story. You have an amazing testimony and I know it was some of your experiences in your own childhood that helped foster love of our country and that personal sense of responsibility. Can you share a bit about that?

Dr. Ben Carson: My childhood was pretty good up until I was eight years old when my parents got divorced. My mother came from a huge rural family in Tennessee, bounced around from place to place, never really had a place to call home. She got less than a third-grade education and got married at age 13. They moved from Tennessee to Detroit and some years later, she discovers that my father was a bigamist and had another family.

There she was stuck trying to raise two young kids. We ended up moving to Boston to live with her older sister and brother-in-law. It was a typical tenement, large multi-family dwelling, boarded up windows and doors, sirens and gangs, gigantic rats, roaches all over the place. My two favorite cousins were killed. That was the kind of environment that was.

To top that all off, I was a terrible student and my brother was too. We moved back to Detroit after a couple of years, still in a multi-family dilapidated region, but that's when my academic performance really became very apparent and everybody was quite concerned. I was a smart kid and everybody teased me, called me horrible names. I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but it did. It bothered me a lot.

It bothered my mother even more and she prayed. She had great faith in God and she said, "God can solve this problem." She asked for wisdom to know what to do and He gave it to her. At least in her opinion. My brother and I didn't think it was wise at all because it was to turn off the TV and make us read books.

That's what she was observing. She was a domestic cleaning houses, leaving at five in the morning, getting back at midnight because she didn't want to be on welfare. She worked very hard, but she noticed in those homes, which were beautiful homes, that they had a lot of books and they didn't watch a lot of TV. She came in and imposed that on us and, of course, we were not very happy. Today's people would call social services on her but she wasn't going for the popular vote on that one.

After a while, I actually began to enjoy reading the books because we were desperately poor and I hated poverty. Some people hate rats and roaches, I hated poverty. Between the covers of those books, I could go anywhere. I could be anybody. I could do anything. My world expanded dramatically and in a year and a half, I went from the bottom of the class to the top of the class, much to the consternation of all the kids who used to call me dummy who were coming to me asking me how to solve the problems. It really changed my trajectory.

The other thing that my mother did that was I think critical to success for both my brother and myself is she never accepted excuses. She never made excuses for herself, but she never accepted them from us. If we ever came up with an excuse, the next thing out of her mouth was a poem called "Yourself to Blame." We didn't want to hear that poem, so we stopped making excuses. You learn personal responsibility and what a difference that makes when you grasp that early on.

That's one of the things that has been so important to us at the American Cornerstone Institute. We have a whole division called "Little Patriots." It's aimed at putting the right things in the kids' minds early on. It was Vladimir Lenin, a great Marxist, who said, "Give me your children to teach for four years and the seed that I sow will never be uprooted." That's why they're so anxious to get into our school systems, to get into the teacher unions. They have done a magnificent job and we're seeing the fruits of what they've done right now. Unless we understand what's going on and begin to fight back, we're going to lose.

Dr. Danny Huerta: There's really an unseen war for the mind and we see the effects of it. We don't see the actual war, but we know that it's happening and that it has been happening since the beginning of time. There is a war for our souls, for our minds, and it shouldn't be a surprise to us as Christians that that is what's happening. We need to be prepared for that. First, let's go to what is patriotism? What does that even mean when we're trying to talk to our kids about this idea of being patriotic or patriotism? Let's define that first.

Dr. Ben Carson: It's love and gratitude for the environment that has been created by others for you. Look at the sacrifices that were made to give us this country but, of course, if the kids aren't taught that, if instead they're taught we had people who came over here and they savaged the Indians and they created a big slave culture and they were uniquely evil people, if that's all you're hearing all the time, you're not likely to become very patriotic. You're not going to think that that's a great country. In fact, you're going to feel shame for it.

We don't advocate that you don't talk about those things. They were bad, but you have to teach good things too: the good, the bad, and the ugly. When you look at the United States of America, there's a heck of a lot more good than there is bad and ugly. That's why it's important to get in there. With our Little Patriots program, we concentrate on the K through five group because those are the ones that are very, very vulnerable. As you know, little kids soak up stuff very, very quickly.

We've got to get out there and teach them what actually happened. How many of them actually know that our founding document says that our rights come from our Creator? You mentioned earlier that only 41 percent of Gen Zers were proud to be Americans. Well, it goes back to the fact that only 13 percent of eighth graders are proficient in American history.

Dr. Danny Huerta: It opens up the possibility of all kinds of teachings coming in and swaying them in another direction. One piece of scripture that I've wrestled with is Romans 13. It says, "Let every person be subject to the governing authorities for there is no authority except from God and those that exist have been instituted by God." Then it goes on to say, "For the same reason, you also pay taxes for the authorities are ministers of God attending to this very thing. Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed."

This is fascinating. Then it says, "The commandments, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not murder, you shall not steal, you shall not covet, and any other commandment are summed up in this word: you shall love your neighbor as yourself. Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law." When we're teaching our kids that whole piece of scripture, "Let every person be subject to the governing authorities for there is no authority except from God," and yet sometimes in the government, there are things that are just tough to wrestle through. What does that look like with the kindergarten through fifth grade as we're talking through that and then up into the teen years when they begin to push back on some of that?

Dr. Ben Carson: You have to be honest with them and let them know that people are imperfect. That's the reason that we need a Savior. It's never too early to start preaching that, but you have to teach them perspective. For instance, when the people who want to emphasize slavery talk about how evil we were, you have to have them understand that slavery has plagued mankind since the beginning of time and that we're not unique in having had slavery.

In fact, there are more slaves in the world today than there have ever been at any point in time when you look at all the sexual slavery that's going on. We're not unique in that sense. We are unique in the sense that we're the only country that fought a civil war to end the horrendous thing because there were so many people who were opposed to it. We need to talk about the Underground Railroad and how so many people risked everything, including their lives, to help people get to freedom. You've got to tell the whole story. Those are the kinds of things that made this into a great country. People who denigrate us, why is it that all these people are trying to get in here? Why aren't people trying to get out of here?

Rebecca St. James: That's so good. That's so insightful and I feel like it spins things in such a different way and such a healthy way. I'm really grateful for that insight. That's so good.

Dr. Ben Carson: We also have to recognize that there have been people who have been against our system since the very beginning, never thought that it could possibly work and were particularly unhappy with the fact that we put God in the center of who we are. Marxists, communists, socialists, they don't like God because they want to be the power. They want to be in control and that's why they have been so opposed to religious freedom.

Rebecca St. James: I want to go back to something that you said earlier about patriotism being a form of gratitude, civic responsibility, it's a value, it's a moral, it's all these things. The gratitude part, Dr. Ben, I'm just so amazed at you when I hear your story. You had so many opportunities really to just breed resentment and bitterness in your heart towards humanity, towards all those people that made fun of you, towards the poverty, towards how hard your mom had to work, all of it. Was it your faith? Was it this idea of personal responsibility? Was it many things that allowed you to forgive and to not live in that? Tell me about your perspective because it's amazing.

Dr. Ben Carson: You said the keyword there: perspective. If you're very nearsighted, you only look at the things around you and you can get a very distorted idea of what the world is like. When I started reading, particularly about people of accomplishment—scientists, explorers, surgeons, inventors—and recognizing that almost all of them had setbacks, but instead of letting that make them bitter, they said, "What can I learn from that so that I can succeed next time?" I began to develop that mindset early on.

Even when people were cruel, I would just look at them and say, "Gee, I feel sorry for that person. I wonder what happened to them? They used to be a cute little baby," and move on. It made a very big difference not getting stuck trying to prove something to somebody, but instead understanding what your goal and objective is and to move toward that rapidly because life goes by very quickly.

A lot of times people say, "Well, yeah, that's a nice thing; I'll do that in 10 years." The next thing you know, 20 years have gone by and you still haven't done it. Those are important things and not to get too upset. My mother was criticized severely by her friends. They said, "You can't make boys stay in the house and read books. They'll grow up and they'll hate you." I used to overhear them and I'd say, "You know, they're right, Mother," but we still had to do it.

She got the last laugh because one became a brain surgeon and the other became a rocket scientist. I'll tell you another interesting thing. She didn't have much in the way of formal education, but it was so important to her. She got her GED the same year that I graduated from high school. She went on to college and in 1994, she got an honorary doctorate degree, so she was Dr. Carson too.

Dr. Danny Huerta: What a mom. She's a strong lady. Ben, I really want to go to a practical place here for parents. How can parents help their children develop a balanced view of the United States of America, the history and where we're at today? What does that look like on a day-to-day basis? What resources are there and what does that look like in ongoing conversation in the home?

Dr. Ben Carson: It has to be important to you. It's got to be more important than the series that you watch on TV or the golf course. You've got to make a concerted effort to take advantage of the many things that exist out there, legitimate things about our history. It's one of the things that we've tried to create at American Cornerstone. You can go to the website americancornerstone.org and find all kinds of materials, but you can also find the Little Patriots program there.

At littlepatriotslearning.com, you can see the animations that we have which are beautifully done to illustrate different parts of our American history. There are online courses associated with each one of them. Parents, grandparents, teachers can use this material to teach children and they love it. You show them one episode, I guarantee you they'll be saying, "Can I see another?"

Not only is it good for the kids, it's good for the parents and the grandparents too because we don't want to admit it, but a lot of us don't know a lot about our history either. Quite frankly, people who are applying for American citizenship have a much higher passing rate for the test on American history than people born here.

Rebecca St. James: I had to do it. I do know that. It's like 100 questions.

Dr. Ben Carson: It's interesting because I lived in Australia for a year and the Aussies knew a lot more about American history than most Americans do.

Dr. Danny Huerta: What does a conversation look like then at the dinner table, in the car as parents are walking with their kids? Just give some ideas of how this can be brought up in the day-to-day. In Deuteronomy 6, it talks about talking about things day-to-day: our relationship with God and then within that is this responsibility and the humility and different things that go into being a part of a group of people. What does that look like from your perspective, Ben?

Dr. Ben Carson: Home with the parents is where your values come from and that's where you get your patriotism and that's where you get the history that makes you want to be a patriot. Talking about these things, if you watch a TV program with your kids, discuss what you just saw. What was the point of it? It teaches you also to be careful about what you expose them to.

If they are exposed to some of the things that we don't particularly want them to be exposed to, at least expose them to it with you while you're there so you can explain it to them. Some parents make the mistake of trying to shield their kids from everything and then all of a sudden, their kids are out in the world and there's nobody to shield them; they become very easy prey when that happens.

We have to be smart in the way that we do that. Also, in our house, as our kids were growing up, we had a very fun thing: everybody was to bring a fact to the table that no one else was likely to know, which meant they had to do some research. They became quite competitive in the things that they brought and it was a good learning experience for all of us.

Dr. Danny Huerta: One of the challenges I think for parents is when teens are on social media or their friends are on social media and they're coming back and talking about perspectives and values and philosophies and they're having conversations as teenagers and young adults and they're coming home and they begin to challenge what they've learned about history, what they've learned about values, Christian values, and all those things. How can a parent be responsive rather than reactive to that?

Let's equip that parent as that's coming into their home because we can't prevent it all and we know that the conversations are happening and teenagers want to belong. They want to be connected to their peer group. What does that look like when that's happening in the home?

Dr. Ben Carson: That's why it's so important to keep the channels of communication open, not just come home and go to your room and shut the door and get on your computer, which happens so often. People think that they're doing fine because their kids are at home. No, that's not helpful at all if they're at home and they're not involved in a relationship with you so you can pass on to them the things that you know.

People who can learn from other people's mistakes and triumphs go much further and faster in life and those relationships become strong and people depend on each other. That's why God gave us families, not just as somebody you know who you see and say hello to and have an occasional meal with. That's not what a family is.

That starts early on and it's the responsibility of the parent to cultivate that. When my kids were growing up, I was extraordinarily busy as a pediatric neurosurgeon and I also had to do a lot of traveling all over the world, but I made it a requirement for people if I was coming to give a lecture or talk that my family accompanied me. All the kids grew up with frequent flyer cards for every airline and they went all over the world and it was a wonderful experience for them.

Rebecca St. James: For parents like me, because I've got a lot of parents that are actively parenting 18 and under and beyond that too, what encouragement can you give me and the other parents listening to help our young people understand the real threats that do jeopardize our safety and our freedoms? What's some language that we can use with our kids?

Dr. Ben Carson: I'll tell you a really good tool you can use. It's called "Star Spangled Adventures: The Movie." It's a feature-length movie. You can see it right now. All you have to do is go to starspangledadventures.com. It's streaming live on that location and it's free of charge. It goes through the 250 years of America's existence and the challenges. It's done in a very entertaining way. Kids will absolutely love it. Adults will love it too.

It's very important to expose them to the real story of how America got here and why it's important for you in your sphere of influence to advocate for America. As Ronald Reagan said some years ago, "Our freedom is never more than one generation away." If people don't know what's going on and if they're not encouraged to stand up for it and to be able to talk about it, in the long run, we lose.

Dr. Danny Huerta: If you had five minutes to speak to every parent in America today, Ben, what would you want them to understand about where the country is right now and how to help their children understand their responsibility and their right to shape the nation?

Dr. Ben Carson: I would say you need to understand that we are not enemies. Take the first letter of each one of those words: W-A-N-E, WANE. We've let hatred and division wax for a long time; it's time to let it wane. There are those who want to fundamentally change this nation and they want to drive wedges between the people on the basis of race, age, income, gender, political affiliation, religious affiliation.

Divide and conquer. Jesus said it best: "A house divided against itself will not survive," and Lincoln said it as well and it's absolutely true. What we have to do is recognize that just because someone disagrees with you, it doesn't make them your enemy. I always say if two people agree about everything, one of them isn't necessary. You learn a lot more from people with whom you disagree than people you agree with all the time. We need to learn to sit down and talk to each other, work out our differences, and find our solution because in unity there is great strength.

Dr. Danny Huerta: Something we talk about on the show is there's something always behind behaviors. You just talked about some intentions and behaviors that are happening to divide our nation to go in a certain direction directly against God. Where is that coming from? What is happening inside of people trying to drive that so we truly come with a lens of putting on compassion and understanding and coming in from a place of understanding from a biblical worldview?

How do we drive that conversation in our home so that we don't participate in the division, but we are life-giving as a family modeling that as we approach this but with wisdom? Then in our own families, if there's division, going and modeling the ministry of reconciliation that Jesus began on the cross. How do we guide that conversation in our home at a deeper level?

Dr. Ben Carson: Jesus has already modeled all that out for us. It's in the Bible and that's something we need to introduce, particularly to our young people, early on. Those people who are trying to fundamentally change us, they want power and they cannot have power as long as God is the center of our focus. They will do anything they can to get Him out and to get the precepts that He has put forth out so that they can take center stage.

We need to start teaching that to our children early on and we need to recognize that. We need to also look at some of the things that they've told us themselves. Vladimir Lenin said, "In order to accomplish the transformation of a society like America, which has strong family value and strong religious value, you need the help of them themselves." He called them useful idiots, people who work against their own future and don't even realize it.

Rebecca St. James: I heard a definition recently of a dysfunctional family is a family that doesn't know how to repair. So the reverse of that is a functional family knows how to repair, knows how to heal, knows how to reconcile. I just thought that was so good. We've got to practice reconciliation; we've got to practice repair in relationships in the family and in our culture, in our communities, in our nation and that's what brings us together but it's with that foundation of the Bible and of honoring God.

Dr. Ben Carson: God also says, "Love your neighbor as yourself." What the Marxists say is, "Cancel your neighbor if they disagree with you." They are diametrically opposed.

Dr. Danny Huerta: For some reason, if you have your own belief system, you're a hateful person. What God clearly told us throughout scripture is that we need to love our neighbor and that's the fulfillment ultimately of the law. Dr. Carson, we have a question from a listener whom I'm sure will appreciate your insights here.

They write, "My son is about to attend college and I'm concerned that there are left-leaning professors that will try to undo everything that his father and I have instilled in him for the last 18 years. What can we do to help him understand that he'll be under attack? What did you say to your kids who were headed off to college?"

Dr. Ben Carson: It's a very good question and a very legitimate concern. The first thing I would say is go and visit those colleges and see what kind of atmosphere exists there. It makes a big difference. It's not so important that you can say my kid went to Princeton or Yale; it's much more important that they get a good education, a good foundation.

To prepare the kids, talk to them about what they're going to hear. It doesn't need to be new when they get there. They will have heard it already. That was certainly the case with me. I knew what I was going to face. I knew there were going to be people there with drugs and all kinds of things trying to tempt you and if you know it and it's happening, you say, "Okay, there it is, just like what we were talking about. I'm not getting involved in that," and I stayed away from all that stuff.

You've got to prepare them. The evil one is very slick and he knows what your weaknesses are. He's been studying you as long as your whole life. You need to know what your weaknesses are too. You need to teach children to understand what their weaknesses are and to stay away from it and to try to strengthen themselves at the same time.

Rebecca St. James: I love this concept of to be forewarned is to be forearmed. I just think that's what you're saying: talk it out. They have a defense for what is going to come against them. It's not a surprise to them when you've talked it out within the family.

Dr. Danny Huerta: With my son before he went to college, he was going to public university and my daughter was going to a Christian university, so it was a different environment that he was going into. I said, "Let's talk about what you believe. We've been talking about things for 18 years. We started when you were little and things have been built and it's not like you can lose it with one professor or one semester, but certainly questions can come up that you begin to wrestle through.

When you begin to wrestle, I want us to have an agreement that you're going to come to me and we're going to wrestle through that together. We'll research it, we'll talk about it. I don't want you doing it by yourself or with other people. Do we have enough trust that we've built that we can do that together?" He said, "Yeah, absolutely, Dad."

I said, "Be sure you're ready to answer for what you believe. All you're getting to give is you're giving a statement of your belief and if they disagree with you, it's okay. I know that inside of you you'll want to be loved and accepted; you can't do that with everyone. You're going to have some people get very upset that you believe differently and they'll try to break you down.

All you need to do is stick to your talking points of what you believe and then just listen. Listen to what they have to say and just ask them questions. That's basically your playbook. Ask them questions, be curious about who they are and say, 'So tell me more about what you believe. How'd you come up with that conclusion? How did you come up with that?' and show interest towards them rather than seeing them as a threat."

Dr. Ben Carson: In college, I read my Bible every day. That helps to strengthen your relationship with God and it warns you about a lot of the stuff that's going on too. You need to keep that connection.

Rebecca St. James: Ongoing conversation is so important. I feel like I'm being so equipped for six years down the track when my daughter is 18. Thank you to both of you. That was a wonderful question from our listener. If you're listening at home or in your car or wherever you are right now, maybe on a run, if you have a question that you'd like to ask us about parenting or our guest, just click on our show notes.

There's a link that gives you the option to send us an email or to share a voicemail. We're looking forward to helping you the best that we can and everyone who has their question answered gets a free copy of Danny's amazing book, wonderful book, we love it here, "Seven Traits of Effective Parenting."

Dr. Danny Huerta: Thank you so much. That was so kind, Rebecca. We're so glad that you've spent some time with us today, Dr. Carson. You're doing some amazing things, you've done some amazing things. God has done many amazing things through you and you've been a faithful servant, a person wanting to serve those around you and we appreciate that.

There's no doubt that parents will receive some great wisdom and nuggets from this show as they raise their kids towards learning about faith and freedom and teaching them how to be young patriots. Thank you for your time with us today.

Dr. Ben Carson: Danny and Rebecca, thank you for what you're doing. May God continue to bless your service.

Rebecca St. James: Thank you so much. We've enjoyed our time with you so much. Wow, Danny, that was so special. I just feel really built up in my approach to patriotism, to our country. It challenged me.

Dr. Danny Huerta: It challenged me. I loved that episode and I know it's going to be a blessing to a lot of people.

Rebecca St. James: I want to alert you to something. "Bring Your Bible to School Day" is October 1st, 2026. It's coming up in a few months.

Dr. Danny Huerta: We had more than one and a half million participate last year.

Rebecca St. James: Really? Do you remember "See You at the Pole"? I participated in "See You at the Pole" rallies and stuff. It's similar to that concept.

Dr. Danny Huerta: It's right before that to create that momentum from "See You at the Pole" to bringing your Bible to then sharing your faith. You guys plan on that and sign up through the link in our show notes. You'll get helpful information sent to your email just prior to "Bring Your Bible to School Day" to help you invite others to join you.

If you have FOMO, this would be a great place to practice that out; you don't want to miss out. We're really glad you're with us each and every week. If today's show gave you ideas or helped you in any way, would you consider supporting the podcast financially? If you do so, we'll send you the book "The Perilous Fight."

This is Dr. Carson's newest book. It's called "The Perilous Fight: Overcoming Culture's War on the American Family." It breaks down the attack on the traditional family and makes a strong case that's clear and compelling. For a gift of any amount, we'll send you that.

If you can't donate at this time, no big deal; don't worry about that. The best way to tell us that you like us is to leave a review or to share the podcast link with your friends and family. Next week, we've got another question and answer episode, so who knows where we'll end up, but we'll talk about parenting experiences that you can relate to. I'm Dr. Danny Huerta.

Rebecca St. James: And I'm Rebecca St. James. Join us next time for more tips for transforming your parenting on Practice Makes Parent.

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