Practice Makes Parent

Jim Daly: Davana grew up in a dysfunctional family filled with abuse, but we gave her hope.

Guest (Female): I support Focus on the Family because I hope others will be impacted and grow in Christ just as I have, that they will see healing in their past and what they can do for their future.

Jim Daly: I'm Jim Daly. Let's transform our nation one family at a time with your monthly pledge at focusonthefamily.com/joy.

Dr. Danny Huerta: Hi and welcome to Practice Makes Parent, where we understand it's not about perfection but about transformation. I'm Dr. Danny Huerta.

Rebecca St. James: And I'm Rebecca St. James. Welcome back to one of our favorite kinds of episodes, the Q&A show. I feel like I should have some jazzy hands right now.

Dr. Danny Huerta: Some music or something.

Rebecca St. James: I know. A little celebration. We've done these before, and they've been some of the most fun because they come straight from you. Everyone who gets their question answered is going to get Danny's book, Seven Traits of Effective Parenting, as our way of saying thank you. We're excited about this episode.

Dr. Danny Huerta: Your questions shape the conversation. Honestly, they usually lead us into some of the most helpful and unexpected discussions. This show is a dialogue, and if you've got a question, something you've been wondering about, wrestling with, or just curious about, we want to hear from you.

Click on our show notes and leave us an email or voicemail. Nothing is too big, too small, or too random. Remember, if it's on your mind, chances are someone else is thinking about it too and has a question about it.

Rebecca St. James: Let's jump right in. Let's dive into the deep end. Our first question is from Loida, who sent an email. She asks, "Hey, Danny and RSJ. I live in Compton, California. There's a lot of gang activity here and I have three sons. My oldest is eight, and he's just now realizing that there are elements of society that don't play nice. I plan on moving one day, but until then, how can I, as a single mother, keep my boys from the influence of our neighborhood and the community blacktop? My brothers are the male figures in my boys' lives, but any other advice you can share on a psychological level would be appreciated. Thanks for always pointing to Jesus."

Danny, I'm impressed with this mom. She's being so intentional and really protective of her boys in such a good way. Loida, hats off to you for thinking this through while your boys are young before there are challenges that you're facing with them in this regard.

One of the thoughts that just came to my mind right off the bat is church friends. Is your son or all your sons involved in church? It sounds like it because you're talking about pointing to Jesus, so I know that you're doing that as a mom. I think that would be such a wonderful place to really encourage those close friendships and have playdates with those friends that your sons are making at church because they're like-minded.

They're going to encourage your boys to know what true friendship is like and biblical values. They're going to be getting that from these other families and these other friends. That would be my encouragement. Then looking also for mentors. It sounds like your brothers are godly guys. I'm assuming that. That male figure, like you mentioned, is so important. That mentoring factor of pointing your sons to Jesus, they're going to be much less likely to look to the community for affirmation if they've got that encouragement coming from godly men and those peer-level friendships as well. What would you say, Danny?

Dr. Danny Huerta: I completely agree with that. We've talked about the importance of positive peer pressure. It's not bad to have peer pressure, so finding those good influences is important. Finding structured time for your sons could be really good, whether it be music, sports, art, dance, or whatever it is. Get them into activities where they find fulfillment and they find a community that likes similar activities.

There are plenty of those in the community, and many of them are quite affordable and accessible. Look around for those for your boys. Also, at youth group and at the church, many times there are activities there. Make sure you're spending that time with your boys, talking about things and asking them questions. You already sound like such an intentional mom, and I love that.

That's one of the traits we talk about here at Focus on the Family in the Seven Traits of Effective Parenting. It's one of them that creates the right momentum for your home. The first two traits are about your invitation, and it looks like you're a mom that loves that invitation. You're adaptable and respectful. Then the intentionality part is that part that you're thinking about. It's intentionality, boundaries, and limits, which is what you brought up, and then your steadfast love for them.

The last part of the Seven Traits is steadfastness, and that's having grace and forgiveness. Your kids are going to mess up sometimes. You don't need to press the panic button. You sound like a grateful person, a person that has good perspective, and that's the last one of that steadfastness for your home.

As a mom, you're already showing up the way you need to, and now it's a matter of looking for those connection points like Rebecca talked about. Look for some opportunities for your kids to continue to explore who God has created them to be. Many times boredom and other things get them off track.

Also, just your home culture—the way you talk, your values, and your stories. Is your home fun? Is it a fun place to be? All those things are within your scope there, Loida. Look for maybe getting ideas from your sons about things that you guys could be doing on a weekly basis or on a daily basis to connect and also have fun. Ask them about that.

One other thing is build into their self-confidence honestly so that they trust you. When they do things well, make sure you're pointing that out. If they're not good at something, guide them on that and show them other ways to continue to explore who God has created them to be. Many times boys get off track because they're competing, trying to find affirmation from those around them. Truly affirm them in the way they need to go.

That's what Proverbs talks about—to train them in the way they should go. That includes helping them discover their temperament and all the opportunities around them. Loida, I hope that was helpful to you. We love that you asked that question. We know that you are praying for your boys daily, so keep doing that.

We want to give you guys some things in between these questions and answers, as you know. These are things you can be using in your home, including the cheesy jokes that we give you. As parents, we want to foster our child's imagination. In between our questions today, we're going to throw you some ideas that you can use on car rides, at the dinner table, or whenever there's a moment when your kids need to activate their minds. It's just a way to have a good relational moment.

I've mentioned conversation starters before, but this one requires a pen and paper. Give your kids a prompt or an idea, and everyone has 10 seconds to draw it. You can make it 30 seconds if you want, or 45 seconds. Give them an off-the-wall idea like a superhero that is a potato. After they draw it, ask your kids what powers that potato has. What good does it do for society, and what are their weaknesses? What are their unique characteristics to the potato they've created? That'll be a fun one. Try that one out.

Rebecca St. James: That will be. It actually could be quite hysterical. I can see the kids getting super creative with that. You could do silly animal combos like a turtle with a jetpack. That could be fun. Or foods with personalities—some french fries that are full of personality, an angry taco, or a donut at the gym. Something like that.

Dr. Danny Huerta: A donut at the gym. That's quite funny. I'm still picturing the potato. Maybe the potato can lift weights. That could be part of the superhero thing for my potato. Maybe it shoots butter all over the place. In our home, we love butter, so it'd be cool to have a potato that shoots out butter for us.

Rebecca St. James: We do that too. Our kids are very much into potatoes with butter. Our next question is for you, Rebecca. It's from Tanya, who writes, "Rebecca, my daughter wants to be a singer-actress. She's pretty good. She sings in church, in the shower, when she's driving—all the time. But I don't want her in the Hollywood mindset of having to be beyond perfect, getting repeatedly rejected, and all the pressure that an entertainer's lifestyle brings. She's 17 and she's just about on her way to college. How did the stage spotlight hurt you as you were growing up? How can I ease my own tensions about her future choices? I want her to follow her dreams, but help me deal with the stress of disappointment I know she'll have in the future. Any thoughts?"

Rebecca St. James: It sounds like a very caring mama. She's really thinking ahead about the vulnerability of these next few years. I think one thing that I do know is that vulnerability or times of disappointment can actually drive us to God and to our knees in such a beneficial way spiritually if we turn to him in those times. It sounds like your daughter is making some really good choices, Tanya. She's in church and she's singing in church. She's going to college. That sounds like a diligent choice. So it sounds like she's on track.

I started singing really young. I went on my first tour at 13. There's definitely some performance anxiety that I have dealt with in my adult life that has come from that. But I will also come back to my first point—that when you're dealing with hurts, challenges, or feeling weak or vulnerable, it's a time to really turn to Jesus. I've come to actually thank him for some of those vulnerabilities that I felt young in life because I really did turn to God in prayer.

My biggest advice with music that I've shared a lot over the years when people have asked me this question about how to even get started in music is just bloom where God plants you. Your daughter, as she goes to college, is going to have other opportunities to sing and to use her gift for God. She just needs to be looking around for where she can serve Jesus. How can she make it about him and his glory? Where can she honor him through her gift? God will give her those.

I think as a mom, too, it's a constant giving back our kids to Jesus. Just recognize that they belong to him and that we are our freest selves and most peaceful selves when we're truly trusting him with our kids. These are these precious gifts that we've been given from God that we love so desperately. As we give them back to him and truly entrust them to him, there's that peace that passes all understanding that comes. I hope some of these ideas are helpful, but it sounds like your daughter's on a good track and I just encourage you to keep giving her to him. Do you have some thoughts, Danny?

Dr. Danny Huerta: That's great wisdom, Rebecca. One thing to highlight there is if she learns to serve others and not herself through this, it changes everything. Looking at all these things as opportunities is another place that I highlighted. It's not about her becoming perfect and avoiding disappointment. It's about her stepping into the opportunities and seeing how God shapes that in her life. It's a grand adventure with difficulties.

The only things I would add is that this is an opportunity for her to build a certain kind of resilience that makes sense in her story and a faith-rooted identity. This is one where it makes sense that you are concerned about her future. That's not fear; that's love that you're showing as a mom. You love her and you desire the best for her.

The stress that comes up for you as a mom is really important for you to address—your own anxiety. What are you afraid of? Maybe talking to some friends or having a community around you and talking through some of those anxieties so you don't unload those on your daughter. Maybe if your spouse can be available for that as well. Your anxiety's real. It makes sense and it's valid.

Just know you are being a loving mom by thinking about these things that could come her way. Just know that your goal's not to prevent disappointment or prevent hardship, but to be there with her as she's going after her dreams and discovering the gifts and talents God has given her. Then just guide your daughter to saying, "I wonder how you're going to love others through this skill and talent that you have." Just like you've done, Rebecca. You've loved others through your skills and talents. That's really ultimately the goal—to express God's love through those. It's not about your own building up. Make your home a safe place for your daughter to land and then work through some of those anxieties so you can be encouraging and be her cheerleader and not go out of fear there but out of encouragement.

Rebecca St. James: That's really great advice. Thanks for sharing your insights, Danny. That's so important for this daughter especially to be hearing and such great advice—or like you say, gold—for this mom and her daughter. Here's another silly dad joke. We'll call it a silly mom, dad, uncle, aunt joke. What happens when you're slapped at high frequency?

Dr. Danny Huerta: I don't know.

Rebecca St. James: It hurts. H-E-R-T-Z. Yes. That was a good one. That was a good one. Have you ever rented from them? I've rented a car from them.

Dr. Danny Huerta: I have.

Rebecca St. James: Good. All right, that one hurt. Go ahead. Our next question comes from a child, so we're not going to say their name, but they live in Ontario, Canada. They write, "Dear Practice Makes Parent, I don't like being spanked." This is a brave child. I'm proud of this child for sharing so vulnerably. "My friends say that parents who spank are being abusive and could get arrested. My mom and dad spank me when I don't do what they want, mostly when I don't make a good choice. They always tell me that they don't like spanking me, so why do they do it? Tell them not to. Bye."

Wow. This has a lot of layers to it, doesn't it, Rebecca?

Rebecca St. James: I know. I think that of course kids don't like consequences. I remember not liking consequences as a kid too, so I relate to that. I validate that that is uncomfortable and hard. One of the things I tell my kids—and I have kids who are 12, 7, and 5—is that loving parents do give their kids boundaries and consequences. It's teaching you right from wrong. It's a part of shaping your life and your story. You probably need to ask yourself the question, do you want to make good choices when you're a grown-up? Because this is a part of shaping your life and your story. But Danny, what would you say?

Dr. Danny Huerta: The fact that you wrote this question and wrote it so well, you are too old for spanking developmentally when we think about it. Past six years of age is what we recommend. It's not against the law, so it doesn't mean that your parents automatically get arrested. If there's abuse with it, if there's bruising, if there's unreasonable force on the spanking, then yes, that is an intervention that has to take place from the authorities.

A lot of times that's misrepresented—that it's illegal to spank. It's illegal to abuse your kids. If the spanking's under control and really is not leaving a mark but there's a correction to it, that is a legal thing. There are many other parenting tools out there, and so maybe what would be good is to say, "Hey, Mom, Dad, could we go to counseling together? I'd love for us to figure some things out. I'm frustrated with this whole spanking thing. I know I'm making poor choices, and I need consequences and guidance. This one just feels demeaning."

Whatever it would be that you would describe it as, just say, "Could we go to counseling to see what new tools we can use? Because I want to have a good relationship with you guys. I'm just concerned as to how this is all playing out. I'm still making poor choices and you guys are spanking me. You guys don't like doing that. Let's figure something else out so things can get better."

Maybe they can get some more parenting tools there. Spanking is a last resort. Again, it should be for kids six and under and not below 18 months. We have specific articles on this. We'll include that in the show notes. This is about you continuing to grow. Let's talk about your ownership as the one writing this. How can you make better choices, and how can you help your parents guide you to make those better choices?

Maybe you can say, "Hey, instead of that, maybe this would help me or this would work better for me." Guide them in that so that your decision-making becomes more life-giving for you and more productive for your future. Correcting is usually done out of love, and maybe your parents—all they knew how to do and the only way they were corrected was through spanking. Let's find some new ways to solve this issue of poor decision-making. I hope this helps you in your communicating with your parents. Continue to pursue that healthiness in your home. Thanks for asking the question.

Rebecca St. James: We also have our counseling line here at Focus on the Family. It's 1-800-A-FAMILY. You or your parents can call there too. That's a wonderful option for you. You can find counselors in your area. That could be a wonderful place to start. Danny knows how great that department is. Every department here at Focus on the Family is great, but he's got first-hand knowledge being in that. How many years were you in counseling?

Dr. Danny Huerta: 11 years. It was going to be just a one-year stint and ended up being 11 years. But yeah, that is a wonderful callout, Rebecca. Great resource. It's free. Anything can come to that line from potty training all the way to calls like this one, and all the way to if you're at a point of having thoughts of suicide or other things. You can call that line to get the help you need and pointed to the resources that would be helpful for you.

Now, shifting to something that we love to do on the show and that's give you some more ideas of some fun into your home. It's an imagination tickler for your kids. Get them to describe something in the worst possible way, then you guess what they are trying to say. Or vice versa—you describe something and make them guess. Like, "A stick with goop used to scrub bacteria." That would be a...

Rebecca St. James: Toothbrush.

Dr. Danny Huerta: Toothbrush. I asked my friend—he's a dentist—and I said, "What made you want to put your hands in a person's mouth and the warm saliva?" That's my own deal.

Rebecca St. James: What did he say?

Dr. Danny Huerta: He said, "Yeah, I don't mind it." I said, "How can you not think about that?" I'm sure there's breath coming up and all kinds of things.

Rebecca St. James: Thankfully, there's people in the world that want to help us out in that.

Dr. Danny Huerta: I know. We need that to keep the pearlies. What's some other ones?

Rebecca St. James: If you say something like "hot triangles of happiness," that's obviously pizza. I can see that completely. Rebecca, if I say "an obnoxious device that betrays my dreams," what would you say that is?

Rebecca St. James: Hmm. Tell me.

Dr. Danny Huerta: It's an alarm clock. Some of those noises sometimes can be super annoying. Or "long edible shoelaces." What do you think that is?

Rebecca St. James: Candy shoelaces?

Dr. Danny Huerta: It's spaghetti. I don't know if they taste that good. Have fun with all that as a family. I'm sure your kids will really enjoy this one. Our next question is a serious one. This comes from a mom who wanted to remain anonymous. She asks, "We just learned that my 12-year-old is cutting herself." So sorry, Mom. That's very heavy stuff. "She is in therapy now, but how am I going to get her to stop? What happens in a kid's brain that makes them think self-harm is going to fix anything? I'm completely out of my comfort zone. I know you don't know our situation, but I'm doing my best. What could I have done to make this happen? I'm at a complete loss. Help."

Danny, this is a heavy one and a hard one. What would you say to comfort this mom? It does sound like she's taking a lot of ownership in the situation. She's going, "How can I fix it? What could I have done?" What comfort can you give to her right now?

Dr. Danny Huerta: What I want to say first is you didn't cause this. I want to give you that affirmation. This is happening too frequently. Social media has normalized some of this. There is something unique that is happening in the brain, and that's something you asked about. What happens is there's a release of endorphins when a person is cutting. If they feel trapped or they feel like nothing is changing, it gives them a sense of control and temporarily reduces their stress around it. It takes the anxiety away of whatever they're feeling is out of their control or they're feeling trapped in.

This is one way they're choosing to cope, and it truly gives the brain a temporary relief. Many times they feel shame and they feel worse, but they saw that it gave them a pretty strong temporary relief and it gave them a sense of control. Realize that that's what it is that she's looking for. It's not a solution to anything. It's a signal that something deeper is going on.

I think what would be really good is just to ask her, "Honey, tell me what feels overwhelming to you. Clearly, something has you trapped, has you feeling like it's just not going to change. It feels completely overwhelming and I want to be in that with you. Can you share that with me?" Of course, it's important to continue to take her to the counselor and ask her if it'd be helpful at any time to go into any of those sessions with her if she'd want you to.

It's really about connection that she needs from you and for you to stay calm and keep communicating with her. If you start freaking out—which is totally a natural reaction in this—she may stop telling you because she doesn't want to upset you. That creates even more shame, like, "I'm upsetting my mom and I feel trapped and I feel this." Just stay calm and say, "Honey, okay, let's figure out what's happening here."

If she's showing isolation or even more secrecy or you see her mood completely shift or she's letting go of friends and she's doing some erratic things, then that's when it's going to a different level and you need to seek even more intensive help than what she's getting with that therapist. Again, we have that phone number 1-800-232-6459, which is our consultation line, and they'll give you other resources beyond that therapist to potentially a residential treatment center or a more intensive center. There are some centers that are longer-term. I know Mercy Ministries of America and others offer resources and our counseling line knows about those and has those referrals for you. There's also a crisis line that you can seek as well.

One thing to do is to bring it up. She most likely will not bring it up. Just say, "Hey, honey, how are you doing today? What's top of mind for you? What are some other ways that you're seeking to manage what's overwhelming for you?" Maybe come up with ideas. Maybe it's going on hikes, maybe it's climbing and finding that excitement where there's extra chemical release, or maybe there's a new sport or something that she would want to compete in. Just problem-solve and think outside the box of things that she could have her brain become interested in and find that sense of fulfillment but also freedom from what she's carrying that's so heavy.

This is a tough one. I know several of my daughter's friends struggled with this, and I've seen several throughout my years as a therapist. A word of encouragement is many of them found their way through that by getting the right help and also by maintaining that connection and a parent remaining calm but also taking seriously what their daughter or son was bringing up and then coming up with those other ideas and solutions to manage what felt overwhelming. Stick to that and do call that line if you get a chance.

Rebecca St. James: Danny, I think you've brought up something, too, that is common to probably every parent at some point, and that is that we go to the place of self-blame. This sweet mom sounds like she's being very diligent, gotten her daughter in therapy, but she's taking ownership of it and blaming herself. How can we, as parents, be proactive in helping our kids but then not go to this spiraling blame place and this shame place of "it's all my fault," taking it on too much? What's that nice, healthy balance between helping our children but not going to the blame place? How can we protect our minds in that way?

Dr. Danny Huerta: It's good as parents obviously to have self-awareness. What are some things that I can continue to grow in to be a more loving, attentive, attuned parent? We're never going to be perfect at that and we're continually growing. So that's one place—just self-awareness.

The other is knowing that each of your children are going through their own unique challenges, their own unique way of interpreting life. They're going to need the full, confident you to step into those places where you're helping reframe life and helping them make sense of the life that they're living—disappointments, failures, rejection, and all—and recognizing that emotions can be overwhelming for kids at each developmental stage and especially during the teen years, and especially if it involves friendships and relationships.

It's not about your fault. In actuality, the imperfections of our relationship allow us to learn how to love another person and to have grace and forgiveness. Those imperfections are a part of relationships. You're not going to be a perfect parent ever. For parents, we want to make sure everything is okay, but in those moments of difficulty is where we can find resilience and love.

Rebecca St. James: And maybe for that sweet mom, too, maybe there's some friends that can really journey very closely with you through this, or a mentor or somebody at church that you can reach out to that you can just vent about how hard and difficult this season is as a parent and really reach out for that support that you need, too, to be able to have this resilience that Danny's talking about. That could be a great idea for you. We're grateful for your vulnerable question and how beneficial this is for our listening audience.

All right, our last question comes from Bill, who asks, "Hey, thanks for always giving me parenting pointers. You've helped my family a lot and we give monthly to Focus on the Family. So thanks, you deserve it." Thank you, Bill, for your encouragement to the Focus team. This is a wonderful ministry team and I'm thankful to be a small part of the team.

"Here's my question. My son is only five years old. We have two daughters who are seven and nine. The other day, he was having tea with his sisters and he said that he liked being fancy. He also told me that he likes playing with his sisters because they don't scare him. He has boy cousins and uncles who roughhouse sometimes and I'm afraid he may have an aversion to what I'm calling boy fun. He doesn't like trucks or getting dirty. I know that homosexual tendencies are environmental. What can I do to help my son embrace his maleness but also keep his tenderness alive?"

Again, I know I lead out with this idea, but I just want to say, Bill, you're a diligent dad. You can see this. You've got an eye to things that could be causing challenges down the road. I just love the love that I hear in your note here and your question for your son.

Probably the thought I had was I wonder about just spending time with him, just one-on-one, you as a dad with your son and finding things that he enjoys that you also enjoy as a guy. Not that anything is necessarily fully masculine or fully feminine, but he might enjoy fishing with you or camping, hunting, sports—some of these special things that a lot of fathers and sons enjoy and just pursuing those moments with him that you can enjoy that shared masculinity as he grows. That would be wonderful.

I have a five-year-old son too. He's still super young. I wouldn't be overly worried. Every now and then, we do tea parties too. My son has two sisters as well, and he'll engage with that. It's probably nothing to be worried about at this point, but I just love that you're wanting to encourage him in this masculine part of his life and connect with him in that way and I just applaud that. Danny, what are your thoughts?

Dr. Danny Huerta: He has tremendous sensitivity. There are boys that have that temperament, and it's a more gentle temperament. Over time, that's going to be a strength. Gentleness is a characteristic of Jesus—meekness, strength under control. There's a sensitivity of fear that's underneath the surface that he needs to learn how to recognize. What is he afraid of and why is that scary to him? Because he has said that he loves playing with his sisters because they're not so scary.

There's something about either competition or roughhousing that seems threatening to him. You want to help him over time be able to articulate that and then challenge that a bit. It's not about forcing him to a certain behavior, but helping him continue to grow and not be controlled in his decision-making by fear. There's one thing to have sensitivity and the other one to have fear. You want to help separate those two.

One is you go, "Man, I love the sensitivity. You love bugs, you love playing with your sisters, you love having cooperative play, you love to cook, you love to do this and that." Even if he says, "Hey, Dad, I want to dance," you say, "Man, I love that part of who you are." You're loving those parts and celebrating him as a boy and who God has created him to be.

What you have to separate out is are the choices being made out of interest or out of avoiding what he is afraid of? Those are two separate things. You want to help him separate the two, help him grow against the fear, and help him go, "Man, you're courageous. You can go after that. If you're scared of it, let's go. I'll be right next to you. Let's go after that."

The parts that are his sensitivity, as a dad, you can highlight that and observe that and say, "Man, I'm proud of you, son. That is great. You're teaching me something here." In your sensitivity to animals, to bugs, whatever he does, you can be learning next to him so he can see, "This is actually a masculine thing. I can be masculine in my sensitivity." That's actually a very loving side of who he is.

Just know that this isn't a problem that you're trying to fix. You want to look at his empathy as well. All of us have different types of fears. Maybe you bring up some of the fears you've had as a dad and how you grew through those and how you had to stretch yourself and it was scary and it was difficult, and have him give you input as to what he thinks you should have done in those moments of feeling afraid. Five-year-olds can come up with some creative ideas so he knows outside of himself. Maybe he gives advice and then you can turn around and say, "Hey, I wonder if you did what you just said that I should do. What if you did that?" Now he feels a sense of control in that where you're not the one saying he needs to and there's something wrong with what he's doing.

His tender heart, I love seeing boys around this age, just that tenderness coming in. You can always teach courage; it's harder to teach the sensitivity side. So you're ahead here, Bill, with your son. Enjoy having him teach you some things. Don't go out of fear; go out of curiosity and also guidance towards not letting fear control him.

Also, one last thing, Bill. It's not teaching him that anxiety's bad. There's actually a piece of anxiety that's good, and that is that part keeps you safe. But when it's too loud is when it controls you to do things that prevent you from exploring all of life. You want to help him learn how to turn down the volume of that anxiety that's inside of him. Hopefully, that's helpful for you, Bill. Thanks for sending this question and enjoy a tea party there with your son and daughters.

Rebecca St. James: That's great advice. I also keep thinking that Bill's son's tender heart and his kindness and his empathy is going to be a gift to his wife one day. That little boy will grow up to have a tenderness for his wife and, if he has daughters, for them as well. It will be an asset to him, so I love that.

Well, we've covered a wide array of topics today and we really hope that you've enjoyed this show. We also hope that you're telling your friends about this podcast. If it's benefiting you and your family, that you'll tell other people about it too. There's nothing better than a great review, so send your friends and family the link to this show. If you're in a mom's small group or a dad's Bible study, mention the show to your friends or a Sunday school class. PracticeMakesParent.com.

Dr. Danny Huerta: It's awesome that you're in a small group. That is great. When you go to those homeschool conferences or MomCon groups, tell everyone about Practice Makes Parent. Even at the store, if you're in line, go, "Hey, have you listened to Practice Makes Parent?"

We want to keep growing our podcast family and we're here every week because of you. Remember, if there's a situation you need help with, you can always call our consultation line at 1-800-A-FAMILY. If you have a question you'd like us to answer, leave us a voicemail or send us an email. Or just send us mail if you really want to use up a stamp and send it the old way. We'd love to receive it that way too. We have an online parenting tool to help bring out your God-given gifts as parents. Just click on the show notes to learn more about those parenting tools. I'm Dr. Danny Huerta.

Rebecca St. James: And I'm Rebecca St. James. Join us next time for more tips for transforming your parenting on Practice Makes Parent.

Guest (Female): I firmly believe that God gives us the responsibility to train our children in his ways, and that's a huge responsibility. What Focus on the Family did was gave us the resources to do it.

Jim Daly: I'm Jim Daly. When we work together, we can transform our nation one family at a time. Make a monthly pledge today at focusonthefamily.com/joy.