Parent Compass Radio

Cass: He walked in. That's my man. I'm going to marry him.

Kevin: I hate to say it, but we met at a nightclub.

Cass: Such low self-esteem. Binge eater. Body dysmorphia is a real thing. Church was condemnation, the wrath of God. Wherever I could find attention or fulfillment to feel pretty for even just a moment. You're actually living in bondage. The Lord's heart is to always heal, to always save.

Kevin: I've always wanted to be a dad.

Cass: I never wanted to be a mom. All of a sudden, I'm pregnant. So scared. You're not good enough to be a mom. You don't know how to love. You don't even love yourself.

The Lord brought Kevin and me together. He's one of the best things that's ever happened to me. He is the greatest gift. If we're both together, it's real balanced. But if it's just me, the vibe is crazy. If it's just him, the vibe is stoic. He is always trying to reel me back in because I'm always out here.

Kevin: I wake them up, get them dressed. Kevin takes them to school. He goes to work. I'm a financial advisor. Kevin, he just turned nine. Next level Kevin. He always takes things to the next level because his brain works like that.

Cass: He's very analytical. He's the type of kid that when we're sitting in an emergency room, he's asking about anesthesia, what it does, what the chemical compounds are. Next thing you know, we're talking about black holes. He's also really, really tender-hearted.

Kevin: Paxton will be seven in March. Really creative, very quick-witted, got a great sense of humor. Very naturally athletic, can pick up anything really quickly.

She always wants to see the best in people. Benefit of the doubt, maybe even to a fault. But why would you have it any other way? Very spiritual, very positive. She's just a great person.

Cass: He's just very analytical, stable, really solid, and pretty much the same all the time. I'm all over the place. The Lord really used him to love me and set me free.

I was a binge eater, and then I would just make myself puke over and over and over again. Body dysmorphia is a real thing. I grew up in a super small town of 1,200 people. My dad grew up there, my uncle did. I had the same teachers as my dad.

Kevin: I grew up in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Single mom, grew up a huge sports fan. I played football, basketball, track, but mostly football.

Cass: We didn't start going to church until I was about 11. My friend had invited me. I got saved and I told my mom and dad I wanted to go to church.

Kevin: I didn't go to church much in high school. Church was all about the law and condemnation, fire, brimstone, and the wrath of God.

Cass: There was a lot of pressure that was placed on me, maybe by myself. If your faith is big enough, then the blessings of the Lord will manifest in your life. That actually ended up in some destruction.

Kevin: I had certain early deaths in my family, things that were even unnatural to world standards, like my uncle dying when he was in his 30s. At that time, I started going back to church. I started praying a lot with him and believing in his miracle, but it didn't come to pass. Consciously or unconsciously, I feel like that really deterred me from going to church.

Cass: I had a lot of talent in softball to pitch. I was awarded a lot of awards even whenever I was young. I didn't want my parents to have to pay for school, so I put that pressure on myself—not for the Lord to provide for that, but for myself to provide for that. I said, "Thank you for this talent. Now I'm going to get a scholarship and I'm going to play in college."

Every time a recruiter would come watch me play, I would do so awful. I just couldn't handle the pressure. I couldn't let go of it. My confidence was so low. This is what I want to do, but I can't get there, and I didn't know how to get there.

I didn't think that I was pretty. I thought I was too fat. I got straight As, but I didn't consider myself smart. I would make myself starve for about four days, and then I would just eat everything I could to the point where I would puke again. It was just a total unhealthy relationship with food. I had such low self-esteem. You turn to other things to try to fill that void, and that leads to more destruction.

The first place of destruction was sexual immorality for me, wherever I could find attention or fulfillment to make me feel pretty for even just a moment. Obviously, there's more destruction when you go down that line. There are diseases and sickness that the Lord saved me from, that the Lord has healed me from even physically. That's just a testimony to His goodness.

In the Lord's graciousness, I did end up getting a full ride. My junior year, I let a guy stay the night with me. You can't do that. My roommates went and told my coach and I got kicked off the softball team. She took away my scholarship.

What was I going to do? Do I finish school here? Do I leave and go someplace else? It was just destructive. I went and lived in Houston for that next semester with my grandma. My grandma gave me a disc of teaching, and I would listen to that CD driving back and forth to Oklahoma.

I had a ton of questions for the Lord in regards to this big faith type of thing. Like, if you're good enough or if you have the faith that you need, God will do this and God will do that. One CD answered every single question and more. My spirit was just jumping. This is it. This is the true God. This is the Father that loves me and takes care of me.

I was just so enamored by the love of God in regards to the grace of God, that it's nothing that we can do on our own. While we were still sinners, He endured the cross. The more that I heard about the goodness of God and the love of God, that transformation started to happen gradually.

The more I learned about who He was, I wanted to graduate from the place that I started. It was a very humbling experience to have to go back to a place where now everybody knows who you are, the girl who got kicked off the softball team. When I came back, that's when I met Kevin.

Kevin: I went through a death in my family. I went to a funeral that day. I didn't want to go anywhere. I just wanted to hang out, but my buddy needed me. He was going through a really bad relationship situation, so I invited him over.

He wanted to meet a new girl and asked if I could be his wingman. My heart and my head were not in the right place for that right now. But we did go, and I met Cass that night. A bad day turned into one of the best days of my life. I hate to say it, but we met at a nightclub.

Cass: I was going to meet a different guy. I saw him when he walked in. I turned to my best friend and I said, "That's my man. I'm going to marry him." It was like there was a beam of light on him. He was the only person I could see. He was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. He had on these red pants and this white polo button-up with his earrings. He was so beautiful. My best friend said, "Yeah, you go get him, girl," and I said, "I'm going to get him."

Kevin: She walked up to me, and she thought I was absolutely crazy. I was not looking for any kind of relationship or anything like that. But we exchanged numbers, didn't think anything of it. The following week, I invited her on a date. We just sat there and spoke for hours. There was just that instant connection. It was pretty beautiful.

Cass: Two weeks later, I drank too much. He actually bailed me out of jail and took care of me. He said that was the moment he knew I was the one for him. I had a steady boyfriend my whole life, but I cheated on him all the time. I was never faithful in any relationship before Kevin.

I was actually in a relationship when I met Kevin. I was going out to meet another guy that wasn't even my boyfriend. I mean, just all sorts of destruction. The Lord's heart is to always heal, to always save. However, when we don't allow Him or expose those places to Him, He's just like, "Are you going to let Me in? I have everything you need."

This feels great. I'm hanging out with my girlfriends. I'm getting all this attention from the guys. But you don't realize that you're actually living in bondage. Could it be better on the other side of that? I was in this constant state of being up and being down, being condemned, shamed, and guilty. Because when you're saved, you feel it on the inside.

There may be a moment where you're having a great time, but later you feel it on the inside. That is not me. Why did I do that? When I learned about the scripture that there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, that scripture started setting me free.

You can't help but give thanks to the Lord when you experience that sort of transformation where it's not even of yourself. Even in the midst of my sin, still doing the things I used to do, I was learning more and more about who I am. I'm the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus.

Lord, that is not me, but I thank You that I'm forgiven. Then you start saying, "Actually, this is not that fun." It starts to separate more and more as you learn about who you are in Christ.

Kevin: I wasn't going to church at the time. There were things that upset me about my church, and I never really had a great experience going to church. The best thing that Cass ever provided for me was she was the one who said, "Listen, we've got to go hear the Word." That's something that she was really passionate about even then. We started going to church more frequently. That made a radical change in my life and how I believed.

Cass: I've never talked to any other guy besides Kevin. Kevin was a huge gift to me. I was 190 pounds at the time when he met me. You're only pretty if you're a size four or a size two. I struggled with that probably until three years ago when I feel like I was really set free from that.

It's not until I realized how precious I was in God's eyes. I just started putting all the demand on the Lord. I've been working on this for 30 years and I can't get it right. Is it okay to involve You in this journey of what my body looks like? I allowed the Lord to heal the way I view myself.

My body has nothing to do with how beautiful I am or how clean I am on the inside. There is unhealthy weight, but it has nothing to do with my beauty, which was what my focus was on. Okay, Lord, You love me at 200 pounds, which was me at my heaviest. You love me at 140 pounds, which was my lightest.

I started just asking for wisdom on what to eat, that He would guide me with His peace. As I started involving Him, I found the promise that says, "As Jesus is, so am I in this world." As I declared that and partook of the holy communion and allowed His thoughts about me to replace my thoughts, I wasn't thinking about it anymore.

One day, I woke up and I was like, "Man, I'm really set free from being so obsessed with what my body looks like." I'm actually happier now than I ever have been, and I'm not even thinking about it.

I graduated in May, and instead of coming home, I moved in with Kevin. I was actually paying for another apartment for my parents because they didn't want me living with him. It sat there for nine months. I paid for it, but I never stayed one night there. It was this facade.

The Lord did tell me. He told me twice. He was like, "You need to move out, or you need to get married, or your life is going to change." I was living my best life with my man. He's wonderful and we're going to get married. I ignored it. Then all of a sudden, I'm pregnant. What in the world? This is why the Lord was warning me.

Kevin: It was a big-time surprise, for sure. It's not something we were planning on.

Cass: I had never wanted to be a mom.

Kevin: It was one of the best days of my life. It was really exciting because I always wanted to be a dad.

Cass: His mom was so excited. I was already condemning myself, feeling sad for my oldest. I was saying, "I'm so sorry you have me as your mom. I'm so sorry this isn't the way I wanted it to be. You're out of wedlock, you're born into sin."

I called my mom. We got in a fight, and at the end of the conversation I said, "Mom, we're getting married in July. We're having a baby in December. You're either going to be involved and be happy, or you're not going to be involved at all." There was a long silence, and she said, "I guess it's going to be nice to have a baby running around." I thought, "That's the right answer."

I'm still struggling with inadequacies. The whole pregnancy, I was so scared. You're not good enough to be a mom. You don't know how to be a mom. You don't know how to love. You don't even love yourself. I thought I was successful only if I built this business and made a lot of money. I wasn't even thinking about my kids.

We opened a couple months before COVID. She was always on her laptop and making calls. Since day one, we were not profitable. Then we lost a baby. It was very confusing. There were really dark, evil thoughts that my family would be better without me.

There's not a promise that there won't be trials; it's just a promise that He'll deliver you out of it. I heard the Lord say, "Be a wife and be a mom."

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