Living on the Edge

Guest (Male): Today on Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.

Dave Drouilly: Is there someone in your life that has tons of potential, but they just aren't quite living up to it? Would you like four keys to bring out the very best in someone you love who will stick around? I'm Dave Drouilly and this is Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. You know, nobody wakes up and decides to be mediocre, but plenty of good people get stuck there anyway, just waiting for something to change or somebody to believe in them. Today Chip opens his Bible to 1 Thessalonians chapter 4 where the Apostle Paul hands us a short practical approach for helping somebody become who God made them to be.

It's part of our series Building Authentic Community, how to lift up those you love. Well, here's Chip with today's message titled How to Bring Out the Very Best in Others. We're going to learn that there's four keys to inspiring others, to bringing out the best in their life. The first one is you got to motivate them. Motivation is not enough, though. Motivation without education is what is hype. You got to raise the level and then you have to give instruction and teaching so they can fulfill God's agenda. Apostle Paul is going to do that. He's writing to a group of people that are in a incredibly secular I mean really secular world.

Now, it is a place where sexual purity is unheard of. So notice what he says, verse 3, for it is God's will that you should be sanctified. The word means set apart, be holy, pure, undefiled. And then he elaborates, namely that you should avoid or abstain sexual immorality. Verse 4 he says, each of you should learn to control his own body or vessel in a way that is holy and honorable. He states it positively. Notice the negative side. He goes on to say, not by contrast in passionate lust like the heathen who do not know God.

And so he tells it like it is and he tells it with conviction. Why? Because God's approved, because we're puritanical, because we haven't come out of the ice age? No. It's because God cares so much. In verses 6 through 8 he's going to give us three specific reasons why this is the smartest, most logical, beneficial thing for you and all the people you're trying to help. In verse 6 he's going to teach us that why is because it harms others. In verse 7 he is going to say it's going to harm you. End of 7 he is going to say, it's inconsistent with your high calling.

So let's look at it. Reason number one, verse 6, and in this matter What matter? In the matter of sexual purity, no one should wrong It means trespass, sin against his brother or take advantage of him. That means defraud. See Paul had this holistic view about life unlike us. He had this picture that okay there's all these men, there's all these women. If I get involved in immorality or you get involved in immorality and you sleep with this person, that person, this person, that person, and that person, and they sleep with this person, that person, and that person, the day is going to come when they marry someone.

And when they marry that someone, God's plan Because sex is holy and sacred and he is actually for it Don't let this out. He invented it. And he invented it for pleasure, procreation, and the joy of his children. It's not dirty, it's not evil, it's not bad. God's really pro sex. But when you have it with other people, then the person who shows up at wedding night with someone else that you've had sex with is a used commodity. You've defrauded your brother. You've defrauded your sister. Second reason is not only does it harm others, but notice the next line, it will harm us.

He goes on to say, The Lord will punish men for all such sins as we've already told you and we've warned you. He's saying it compassionately, don't have sex outside of monogamous heterosexual relationship cuz there's a price tag. I'm just telling you. God is holy. He's not going to change his character. He loves you. He will forgive you. He's merciful, but people that have sex get AIDS. They get psychologically wounded. They damage future relationships. They ruin families. You know what? It's like gravity. You don't have to believe this, but once you jump off that fifth story building, the pain when you hit the pavement is about the same whether you believe in it or not.

God is a holy just God and this command is to protect you. Notice the third compassionate reason, verse 7, for God did not call us to be impure, but to live holy lives. He says, it's just inconsistent. God is holy. How can you live an impure, unholy life? Because you're called. You're one of his. He wants you to reflect his love and his nature and his character It would just be I mean How could you do it? It's so inconsistent with your calling. And then notice verse 8, the summary. Says, therefore he who rejects this instruction What instruction?

About sexual purity. It's a rejection of God who, notice present tense, gives you his Holy Spirit. At this point there may be some of you that are saying, O boy. Might have been a good morning to sleep in. You know like I know in a group this size there's some people that are addicted to soap operas, romance novels, and pornography. I know in a group this size some of you are involved in extramarital affairs. I know in a group this size some of you single people are living with someone else. You need to hear compassionately, but with conviction, what you're doing is wrong.

What you're doing is sin and God loves you too much and he is saying today, not tomorrow, not maybe. It's not like quitting, you know, smoking. You know, I'm I get three packs and I get down to two and I get down to one. You know, this isn't one of those where you say, you know, I'm sleeping around three or four times a week. I'll cut back to two. I'm really making progress. This isn't one of those. This is one where you say today I'm going to break off the relationship. I won't see her or him again.

I won't do it in person cuz if you do it in person, you'll be right back into it. One phone call, one letter, that's it. I am sorry. This means we're going to figure out how do we live apart. And don't give me that. We can't afford to live separately. You can afford to live under the judgment of a holy God, but you can't afford to live separately. Go to your closest friends and say, hey, if you love one another and it's the right person for you, can I live with you for a while? We need to figure out how to court, get our lives pure and right so we can get married.

I don't know what you need to do, but you must take a drastic step. This is the kind of sin that Jesus said when he talked about sin. He said, if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. If your eye causes you to sin, poke it out. Now, he didn't mean literally cuz you can sin with the other eye. He means be as drastic as you need to be to deal as radically as you need to because it will eat you up. Let me give you three very specific ways to respond to this and grow and overcome it because there's victory.

First, get honest. Get honest. Of all the areas Boy, the first couple three years of my Christian life Oh man. And not that I don't still struggle, but not in the same way. I go out with some girl and do some things I knew that was wrong. Think some things and be involved in some things and go some places. Oh Oh God, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. And I felt dirty and cheap and guilty. Two days later, oh God, please forgive me. Take it away, take it away. I'm just so sorry. 4 hours later, oh God, you know And it's It's driving me nuts.

And I remember getting down, you know, I'm thinking maybe if I kneel, maybe if I kneel, he'll hear me better, you know. Oh God, you know, and I'm kneeling, I'm praying, you know, the same whining prayer about deliver me from my sexual sin and my lust and going over boundaries with girls that I know are wrong. And I didn't have a mystical experience and I don't think it was an audible voice from God, but I heard the spirit's prompting is clear. Hey Chip. Hey Chip. You don't want to quit. Hey get real, Chip. It's not that you What you don't like is the guilt and the consequences, but you not only don't want to quit, you like this sin, Ingram.

In fact, you really dig it. In fact, you're getting addicted to it. Now, let me tell you something, Chip. The moment you get honest and you really want help, I'll help you. But let's not play games. Let's not pray prayers. Oh God, God. Get honest. Ruthlessly honest. The 12 step people have much to teach us here. Get to the point where you realize, hey, I can't do this. And that's step two, get honest and get desperate or broken. Get desperate. I mean willpower does not have the power to deliver you from sexual sin. You can't overcome pornography or lot lust or romance novels or cut off an affair by, okay, I'm going to do it You can't do it.

It's too strong. But when you get desperate and say, oh God, I remember I got to the point I said, God, I can't lick this. And I could almost sense heaven say, oh great, we're finally on the same page. I knew you couldn't lick this. But when you get desperate and admit you can't do it, then you say willpower? No. Grace. God, give me grace. Give me power. Give me strength. He'll give it to you. Get help is number three. I don't believe you're designed to do this on your own. Our friend in the men's breakfast talked about first sharing his pornography problem straight up with his wife.

And they begin to pray about it as a couple. See what happens is he's humbled himself, isn't he? When you humble yourself, what do you get? Grace. Grace always flows towards humility. God is always opposed to the proud. Biblical axiom. And then after that he got together with three, four, I mean key guys and he said, I just put it on the table and said, guys, this is where I'm at. And he said, 50% of the struggle was gone when I got honest with a group of other men. And he says now, they keep me accountable.

He actually went very We talked about cutting off your hand. He changed shops. He said, I I'm not traveling anymore. I decide I won't turn it on, I won't do this. It's a It's an addiction. I'm not going to travel anymore. He switched jobs. What do you need to do?

Guest (Male): You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. And we'll continue today's message in just a moment. Quick reminder, do you have the Chip Ingram app on your phone yet? It puts Chip's daily teaching along with years of past series, daily guided Bible studies, and tons of other faith building tools right in your pocket. It's completely free and it only takes a minute to download wherever you get your apps. Check it out today. Now, back to our message.

Dave Drouilly: Don't leave here feeling like the big heavy hand of God has come upon me. Hopefully that's happened if you're in sexual sin cuz it's big and it's heavy cuz you matter so much. He loves you so much. He doesn't want those consequences for you. And you know what? It's not like you're enhancing his reputation. You know, when you've got those issues and then you tell someone about Christ or tell them where you go to church, guess what their opinion is? Yeah, that's what I thought Christians were like. There's a lot at stake. I encourage you before you walk out the doors today, determine what you will do before the creator of the universe about being sexually pure and clean and you can leave forgiven, restored, and get tied in with others to help you gain victory.

We're all in this boat together. Moving on, you motivate, you teach. Now, notice he affirms them. And by the way, you need to hear this. He affirms them where? At the point of their greatest progress. And what I love too is that, you know, we don't often think about how could you talk about people struggling with sexual purity and then affirm them? Yeah. Yeah, because you know what? Sexual purity isn't the worst sin in the whole world. It's not a good one and there's great consequences, but you know, I 've got a good good friend who's discipling a guy right now.

And boy, she comes from just a pagan pagan background. And she's really starting to grow spiritually and she's in the Bible and she's growing and it just came out here after quite a time. She says, you know, I am starting to get the feeling that God may not want my boyfriend and I to live together. Praise God. You know, we're in journey, we're in process. So look what he says. He says now about brotherly love, we don't need to write you for you yourselves have been taught by God how to love each other. And in fact, you do love all the brothers throughout Macedonia.

Yet, we urge you brothers do so more and more. Do you get this? Right after By the way, affirmation is an excellent thing to give right after you've had to do a hard teaching. Notice also that affirmation needs to be specific. He didn't say, yeah, you're a nice church and I hear some good reports. He takes the most valued behavior and their point of greatest progress and he specifically says, you are loving well. Man, am I proud of you. Your love is awesome. Way to go, Thessalonians. Wouldn't it be good to hear that after someone just busted you right between the eyes spiritually and you realize, wow.

I mean I'm not even on first base actually in terms of purity in my life as a Thessalonian. But you know God's working in my whole life and I'm going to deal with that. But that doesn't mean God doesn't care and it doesn't mean Paul's down on me. It means he wants me to be the man or the woman for God's glory and my good that I can be. Affirmation then is followed by correction. And as we move to this last little section, this grows out of a misinterpretation and miscommunication possibly of some teaching the Apostle Paul did on the end times on the return of Christ and he taught, Jesus is coming back.

Jesus is coming back just as he ascended, so he will return. Well, what happened is uh at least part of the group heard this and thought to themselves, you know, it could be today. Well, that's right. It could be tomorrow. And then they looked around and thought, boy, this is a loving church. I mean whenever you have a need, people just step up and take care of you. You need a meal, they give you a meal. And so a certain group that was starting to grow said, you know what? There's no use going to work today because Jesus may be back and I want to be kind of ready.

And why go to work when all these other loving Christians can take care of me? But notice how correction comes after affirmation. By the way, that 's a good way to do it. You need to affirm, encourage, and then correction needs to be. Do you remember? You need to correct any attitude or action that is thwarting their spiritual progress. That means there's a lot of things you don't correct. Parents, Chip. That means there's a lot of things that you know it's really not that big a deal, just bugs you. But if it's an attitude or an action that is thwarting their progress, then you correct.

And when you correct, how do you do it? Do it after you affirm them. How do you do it? You do it practically, positively, and specifically. Paul's correction is be responsible, make an impact. He could have said, hey man, what's the deal? Bunch of loafers, bunch of slackers, you didn't not go to work, you misinterpreted what I've said. Man, I'm up to here with you guys. Get a job. Now, that would have been true. That would have been true, but that's not how he did it. Notice how positively he does it. He says verse 11, make it your ambition to do three things.

One, lead a quiet life. Two, to mind your own business. And three, to work with your hands, not highly esteemed in that day. Just as we told you. So he's reminding them. Now, the first little thing here about their ambition and leading a quiet life doesn't mean that they shouldn't talk anymore. The opposite or antonym of this word is the restlessness that grows out of selfish ambition. So he says, it's not quiet like don't say anything. It's quiet in terms of get your life focus on God's agenda instead of this restlessness that comes in trying to fulfill your own all the time.

Secondly, he says, mind your own business. And that doesn't mean that you know you don't talk to other people and help them out. It says, hey, basically, you know, pay your own bills, take care of your own house, get your own life under control. And third, he gives them a practical way to do it. Get a job. And you know, not not not just the jobs that you think are up here or there. He said, hey, he gives great dignity to working with your hands. Now, why? Why does he do that? Says there's two reasons.

In order that or so that our daily life may win the respect of outsiders, our testimonies on the line. And so that you will not be dependent on anyone. Hey, don't suck the life out of the group of the church. Get a job, support yourself. And you know what? People don't show up, people don't work, people that are idle, that's not a good testimony. And so you see this inspirational encourager, the Apostle Paul. And he sees this group like a diamond in the rough. And he sees them in this black pagan culture and he motivates them and he helps them see beyond their horizons.

And then he teaches or instructs them in their most strategic area of need. And then he affirms them in their area of greatest progress. And then finally he corrects them. Wouldn't it be great to be the person that someday someone in a small group or across the coffee table or in a restaurant in casual conversation would say your name and then behind it say, they're the ones that made the big difference in my life. I wouldn't be here today without them. I had a big decision about such and such or such and such and they told me the truth.

I didn't like it at first, but they cared enough to correct me. They helped me see things I never dreamed I could do and now I'm not only doing them, but I'm good at them. Wouldn't it be great? And it's possible if we would become inspirational encouragers. As you flip to the back page, I think there's an order that's important. And the order is is that you need to motivate before you instruct. People don't want to learn until they see the vision. Next we need to instruct before we affirm. You want to affirm the teaching and the behavior when they respond to the Lord and to scripture.

Third, we must affirm before we correct. People need to know they're loved. Kind of the trust needs to go in before the truth goes on. And then finally we need to correct with the motivation in view. Ultimately What Where did Paul He started with you live lives pleasing to God. And he ended with live a life so that your daily life would be a testimony to others what? That you're pleasing God. What a thought today that every person in this room by the grace of the Lord Jesus can please the eternal God of the universe.

Two questions before you leave. Who's the person that you could be a mentor to who need your inspiration? And for some of you, who's the person you would like to be like that you might ask this week to help you grow? Even if they can only meet once a month with you, to ask them. Would you help motivate and teach and affirm and correct my life? And then finally you can't impart what you don't possess. Where's God spoken to you today? And for many it's in that area of sexuality. Let's kind of bring it back.

You can't do for anyone else until God does something radical in you. So if you need to confess your sin, need to repent, need to get broken, you tell God you're sorry, do it right now. Cuz a half hour from now it will it'll be foggy and you'll have nine reasons why it's sort of okay. Right now in this room the spirit of God is working and you know what's right, do it. Just take the first step and God will give you the grace to take the next three.

Guest (Male): You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram and a message titled How to Bring Out the Very Best in Others. Right now we're in a series called Building Authentic Community, How to Lift Up Those You Love. And if you ever want to revisit one of these encouraging lessons, just go online to livingontheedge.org. You can also get these daily lessons downloaded automatically by subscribing to the Living on the Edge podcast wherever you listen. And if you want to hear the original full length sermons, subscribe to the Chip Ingram Sermon podcast. Bringing out the very best in someone only works if you genuinely love them enough to do the work Chip talked about today.

Well, that's exactly the kind of love Chip explores in his book I Choose Love. As Victor Hugo once wrote, the greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved, loved in spite of ourselves. And Chip shows that this kind of love, what the Bible calls agape love, isn't about warm feelings or good intentions. It's a decision to sacrifice for somebody else's best interest. The same love scripture promises never fails. Get your copy of I Choose Love at a special price today at livingontheedge.org/offers. If today's message brought out something in you, consider doing the same for somebody else by supporting this ministry.

Become a monthly partner or make a generous one time gift right now by going online to livingontheedge.org or by calling us at 888-333-6003. You can also send your gift by mail to Living on the Edge, PO Box 3007, Suwanee, Georgia 30024. Well, now here's Chip Ingram.

Chip Ingram: Webster says inspiration is to breathe life upon, to infuse, to stimulate, to impel to some creative or effective effort. He says it means to cause, to guide, to communicate or motivate by a divine or supernatural influence. Now, what we've been examining together is a model of inspiration that comes right out of God's word. Paul loved the Thessalonians. He's writing this letter and he gave him some good doctrine, but what we see here is four keys to inspiration. And so as we close our time, let me give you the cliff notes on this, all right? You want to inspire someone, you want to help someone really reach their full potential.

Number one, motivate them. Don't assume they're going to be motivated. Motivate them. Give Give them a shot in the arm. Appeal to the highest level of meaning and purpose. Say you can do it and and set the bar high. Number two, teach them. So often we motivate, but we don't take the time to really teach people the what, the specifics of what they need to do, the skills they need to master in order to be successful. That takes time. Don't skip that. Number three, affirm them. Every time you see people making progress, you need to literally jump up and down, give them a pat on the back, verbally affirm them.

Your kids, your friends, people can reach their full potential, but they've got to believe that someone believes in them. You can be that person. And number four, correct them. This is a tough one, but you need and I need to step in when they get off the mark, make it brief, be to the point, be specific and correct them. And you follow these four keys of inspiration, moms and dads, I'll tell you what. Your kids want to do what's good. So what do you do? Motivate, teach, affirm, and correct. Paul teaches us this little profile to inspire people.

Dave Drouilly: Join us next time when Chip continues our series on Building Authentic Community right here on Living on the Edge.

Guest (Male): Today's program is produced and sponsored by Living on the Edge.