Living on the Edge

Guest (Male): Today on Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram, shame is a powerful, debilitating emotion that causes us to feel inferior, hate our appearance, withdraw from others, engage in self-destructive behavior, or be driven to excess to prove that we really matter. Here's the question: How do we overcome shame in our lives? That's today, stay with me.

Guest (Male): Welcome to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Previously, Chip showed us that Paul prayed for the Ephesians to experience three unshakable facts: that their past no longer defines them, that their future happiness is guaranteed, and that they have incomprehensible power for every present challenge.

Guest (Male): Today, Chip picks up right where he left off, unpacking exactly what it looks like to access that power and overcome shame in everyday life. Now, if you missed any part of this series, find it anytime at livingontheedge.org. Now here's Chip with today's message titled, You Are Competent.

Chip Ingram: How do we overcome true and false shame? We're living in a day when shame is viewed as a psychological term, and any shame that you have is not your fault. There is true shame. True shame is the kind of shame of your past failures, your moral lapses, your greed, your immorality in mind, our manipulation, our lies, the way that we use people. Stuff that we have done or are doing, we should feel, we should feel a sense of regret, a sense of I blew it, a sense of I don't measure up.

Chip Ingram: But there's also the shame that's false shame, cultural standards, ones your parents or the culture put on you. Ones even that the church. The church has made a lot of people feel shameful. Religion, in many ways, regardless of the background, has tried to control people through shame and get them to behave in certain ways by shaming them into it.

Chip Ingram: Well, how do you break through that? Number one, you receive Christ. We talked about it last week, as many as receive Christ, to them he gives the, what's our word? Power to become children of God, even those who believe in his name. I'm just going to pause just for a moment here. In a church like ours that talks a lot about discipleship, that talks a lot about spiritual growth, there is a danger that you can come here and you can sit and you can learn and you can think, sort of I'm on this gradual journey, and I'm kind of putting some of these things into practice. But you even start to agree with what's true, but you've never crossed the line.

Chip Ingram: You have to be born again. There has to be a certain day at a certain time when you say, it's not about me getting some self-improvement with a little Jesus help. I have sinned before a holy God. I'm in desperate need, but Christ has paid the penalty for my sin. At this moment in time, I'm telling you that I don't measure up, I'm placing all my faith on Christ, and I'm asking you to come into my life, to save me, and I want to follow you the rest of my days.

Chip Ingram: If you've never crossed that line, can I encourage you today's the day? Don't let it go by. There is no power and everything I'm talking about does not apply to anyone that's outside of Christ. Not because God doesn't want you. It's we kind of want God on our terms.

Chip Ingram: The second for those of us in Christ, and you say, well, how do you overcome this true and false shame? Ask the Father. And so when Paul is wanting the Ephesians church to live out their faith, what does he do? He prayed. Then third, we need to believe three historical facts. Fact number one is my past no longer defines me. Right? Verse 18. He said, I want you to know about the hope of your calling. It is certain. Your past doesn't define you anymore.

Chip Ingram: In fact, the psalmist put it this way, as far as the East is from the West, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. For many of you in this room and for a lot of people watching and listening, I will tell you this: whether they've been a Christian six months, six years, or six decades, your past still defines you. And part of it is because you've never let that shame come to the surface, been honest about it, and let God work in it.

Chip Ingram: I have two heroes. I mean, a number of heroes, but two people that are really big heroes in my life that I've gotten to know. One is a lady named Valerie Hill. And another is a lady named Theresa Ingram. I know one a lot better than the other. Valerie Hill had an abortion. For many years she kept it a secret. Valerie Hill realized, it can't be a secret. It was a mistake. A mistake for which she was forgiven. Then she recruited a team. And there are hundreds, thousands of women whose lives are completely different, who've been loved and healed.

Chip Ingram: There are thousands of babies that are alive because instead of living in her shame, she said, I'm going to take the shame and God's forgiveness, that's not who I am. I'm his daughter, and he wants to turn my shame into his fame, and he's made me a trophy on his mantel. And because he's given me hope, I can give hope to others.

Chip Ingram: My wife lived with tremendous shame. She was abandoned in her first marriage by an unbeliever who ran off with another woman and found herself with two small babies. And someone cared enough to verbally share the gospel. Her boss loved her and every day told her in the workplace, Jesus loves you. He's going to help you. Jesus loves you.

Chip Ingram: She ended up hearing that for a year, went to a little church where he was a lay preacher, listened to him preach, and it was like nothing. She's walking out to the car. Little Mrs. McGrady, like 85 years old. She's opening the car, putting these two babies in the car. "Hey, young lady." "Yeah." "Do you want to be saved?" She said, "Yes." "Let's go back in that church and ask God to come into your life."

Chip Ingram: She did, the whole church did. She knelt at the altar. That lady didn't know her, that lady was bold, she was confident. My wife came to Christ. You know where she felt shame? I was in seminary and we had another seminary student tell my wife, "I didn't know they let people like you in here."

Chip Ingram: I remember in our first church, she didn't tell anybody. She wouldn't tell anyone her background. I don't want to go through that again. She felt like a second-class citizen. She felt so shameful. You know, my two older boys, are you ready for this? We have a picture in our house and they were in our wedding. So, you know, two little like four or five year old, four year olds, four and a half year olds. And they're in our wedding and we have a wedding picture. Well, Ryan gets to be like, he's our third son, he gets to be like six years old and he asked this classic question, "Hey, mommy, how come I didn't get to be in the wedding like Eric and Jason?"

Chip Ingram: And she realized her shame was so deep, she was afraid to tell our own son. And we happened to go through a thing at Dallas Seminary where thank God for Bill Lawrence, he helped her understand, you know what? Hey, the church may shame you, God doesn't. You are his precious daughter. And she told our son and then when we went to Santa Cruz Bible Church, the first thing she did is she gave her testimony. And God opened up a world. In fact, I think about it now. I was thinking about these cards and I talk about part of her journey.

Chip Ingram: She was damaged in multiple ways. And part of this renewing your mind, these cards is what she did 30 some years ago. Then she did them with our daughter. And then one day, you know, I was talking to the guys at Living on the Edge. I think there's a lot of women who are struggling. So we put one of her series on about this. Then they made these cards. Our chief operating officer said, "Chip, I don't want to make you feel bad, but, um, we've never had anything, any response like these cards."

Chip Ingram: This is a raw nerve. Her shame became God's fame. And people have found hope and love not because she has it all together, but they've found hope and love because she was willing to say, "Yes, this is a part of my past. Part were my mistakes, part were mistakes that people did to me, but I'm a daughter of the King. He's my father. I'm redeemed, I'm adopted, I'm secure. This is who I really am." So I can share that. I don't have, there's not pretense.

Chip Ingram: Can I ask you, what are your secrets? Where are you still hiding? Is your past still dominating you?

Chip Ingram: Second fact, my future happiness is guaranteed. Think about that. Well, where do you get that? The riches of his inheritance. You're his child, you're his treasure. It's guaranteed. Can I tell you something? You're here right now, you die, you meet Jesus, you're his treasure, you get a new body in a perfect environment, you will experience the absolute ultimate happiness. Nothing and no one can ever, your future is a guaranteed happiness. What if you lived your life as though I can't fail?

Chip Ingram: I don't have to worry about what people think. I don't have to worry about risk. My future happiness is guaranteed by my heavenly Father, so I'm going to live my life instead of protect myself. Let me give you a glimpse into your future inheritance and God's future inheritance. But it's written 1 Corinthians 2:9. Things which eye has not seen, which ear has not heard. Are you ready for this? Which hasn't entered into the heart of man.

Chip Ingram: It's so good. It's so wonderful. It's so awesome. Your future is so guaranteed of a happiness that you can't imagine. No one's ever heard about it, no one's ever seen it. It's not even entered your heart. All that God has prepared for those that love him. When you think about the future, are you filled with anxiety? This is a fact, this isn't subjective. Your future, my future happiness is guaranteed. Therefore, I'm confident.

Chip Ingram: Third, I have incomprehensible power to meet all my present challenges and opportunities. All those words that the Apostle Paul talked about, all those examples of the same power that would raise Christ from the dead, the same power that would seat him in the heavenly places, the same power that be over angels and principalities and powers, and the same power that would be over every title of this age and in the future, the same power that would make him head of everything and fill everything. I I can't, I mean, I can't get my even head close to around that. It dwells in me, his son, and it dwells in you, his daughter or son.

Chip Ingram: I guess the question is why aren't we experiencing it?

Guest (Male): You're listening to Living on the Edge, and there's more in just a moment. Did you know you can access every message in this series and hundreds of others, completely free, anytime at livingontheedge.org? Whether you want to listen again, share a lesson with a friend, or explore additional resources on topics like identity, relationships, or spiritual growth, it's all right there.

Guest (Male): You'll also find small group materials and practical tools to help you live out what you're learning. It's all waiting for you at livingontheedge.org. Well now let's get back to Chip.

Chip Ingram: If there's that much power, why do we have such struggles in certain areas if if we had that power? Let me give you a picture, okay? This is a little word picture. I want you to imagine that your your car is broken down somewhere and it's super, super cold, like it's you're on vacation in South Dakota. Whoever goes to South Dakota in the winter on vacation, but you decided you would. And whoever goes alone, but you decided you would go alone. When you make up these stories, you can say whatever you want.

Chip Ingram: But that's you and and you're kind of shivering and and then you realize, you know, there's a there's a motel and, oh my gosh, you don't have any money, you don't have any money for food, your car's stalled out, you're stranded. I mean, your phone battery's dead. I mean, what am I going to do? And then you look over and there's a little blue light, and there's an ATM machine. And you happen to be a a fairly affluent person. You happen to know you have $100,000 in your checking account. May the Lord bless you and keep you, cause his face to shine upon you, and may the rest of us do as well, but this is what you have.

Chip Ingram: Now, it's in the machine, you have the card, you have everything you need, but you're sitting in your car freezing without food and you're not in the hotel. Why? What must you do? This is not a trick question. What what do you got to do? Now you got a hotel room, you can fix your car, you got food. Everything you need is way more than $100,000.

Chip Ingram: You have a power that can break obstacles. You have a power of muscular force that can overcome challenges. You have a power that's like dynamite that can break through things that have held you a prisoner for decades. Family of origin, past mistakes, labeling. You have a power that can change how you parent in the future. You have a power that can overcome your fears and give you peace. But you have to activate it.

Chip Ingram: And the Bible's very clear that the key to activating things is as just as you've received the Lord, so walk in him. How did you receive him? By faith. And faith is always rooted in the promises of God. Paul in in in in a crisis would say, I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Peter would write, God has given us his precious and heavenly promises in the first chapter of 2 Peter, and by them we have everything that we need for godliness.

Chip Ingram: Apostle Paul would write that there's a promise. Says, I'm not ashamed of the gospel of Christ for it is the power of God to salvation to the Jew first and also to the Greek. He said I, in other words, I have this power. How do you activate? One, God's promises are in his word. And what I can say is that when you begin to get word-centered and claim his promises, it's like taking withdrawals from the ATM. But the ATM only brings out so much money, sometimes what you need is other people drawing out of their ATMs.

Chip Ingram: And so it's not just his word and his promises by his spirit, but his power is manifested how? In weakness. My wife and I were, you know, we're in a big transition and and I I'm glad. I really don't feel afraid, but you talk about completely uncertain in so many areas. And I I don't mean I mean this in the most humble, I'm more amazed than any of you, that we we've realized now, 40 years marriage this year and, you know, I I'll hear reports and things that it sounds like about someone else of literally millions and millions of people all around the world that hear what I teach and things that she's done.

Chip Ingram: And we're we're kind of like this little West Virginia girl out of a broken background and this super insecure, skinny little guy, and we both came to Jesus. And it was like, God's power, he's used our lives. And I think some of you think that it's because we have so much together. That like, sort of we're we're really like, really got it together.

Chip Ingram: And we were sitting on the floor this morning drinking coffee, looking back at, it's his power has been manifested in our weakness. It was when the lights came on and I just realized, you know, I'm desperately insecure and all this stuff I do is mostly to please people and impress people and pose. And I'm so sick of it. And so I just went public with that. And she stopped hiding her background and difficulty and pain. And and I think it's not because we have anything together. I think what's happened is people get hope and there's moral authority in our lives because we're weak.

Chip Ingram: I've got friends in this church that have had some challenges in their past. Their own kids don't know anything about their past. They're ashamed of how they used to live. And what they don't know is they're projecting to their kids, oh, I never had any real problems, this is how you need to live, instead of, hey, I had an alcohol problem, I had a sex addiction. Man, when I was in college, my land, I was promiscuous and I did this. This is the pain that it caused. Right time in the right way, I'm not saying you share everything.

Chip Ingram: But I'm just saying your shame and the power of God won't get released until you say, "God, I need you." I need you. And it's your word, your truth that can change me. But it's going to be your truth as I'm honest with you, and I invite people into my life. Can I just tell you something? You'll be stuck in your shame, and you will be a Christian that changes minimally, if at all, until you're in God's word, claiming his promises, and you get in some smaller group where you can say, I was abused when I was 14. I stole. Please don't say anything out loud. I'm not legal. And everyone thinks I am.

Chip Ingram: And you would share that only wisely with just the right group, but it will be when the real you shows up that the real God will show up, and life change will happen. That's our journey. But it's not our journey, it's the journey of every believer. And and then it's sort of wipes away. We're really busy and at this stage of our kids and, you know, things are really really really busy right now. And this fall we have a lot going on and I just started a business, or I'm just changing jobs, or I'm just doing this. And and it's going to be just completely different in six months, right? Right? I mean, I mean, this is just a season, like the last season and last season and the last season.

Chip Ingram: And and please hear me. Just, the great majority of Christians are not in God's word. And I don't mean in it like I got to read so many verses. I mean to hear. The great majority of Christians don't have real close, honest, authentic relationships where shame can come out and you're not judged and you're loved.

Chip Ingram: Turn to the back page because this is the process by which God has decided he would change us. And the reason he's so adamant that you know that you're wanted and secure and competent and valuable, are you ready? It's not so you can be more fulfilled and happy. That's a byproduct. You're his body. The reason he's transformed you is you are the instrument, the ambassador, the agent to share with others that God loves them, that Christ died for them, that he rose from the dead. And they don't have to go to hell and they don't have to live in a hell today.

Chip Ingram: But there's a father who loves them, but they will never know unless your life and your words communicate that story boldly. We've turned the whole Christian life about your self-improvement and your happiness and your fulfillment and and and your kids being, you know, excelling. All that will mean nothing. The reason he did all this is to transform you and me, so that we would be his mouthpiece and his hands and his feet and that we would actually love people.

Chip Ingram: God's will. But if you believe misbeliefs, I am what I am, I cannot change. Do you believe that? Or does your behavior say you do? How about I can't help myself? This is just the way I've always been, I always will be. Write that on a card, will you? And then write "STOP." I'm a competent person equipped by the Holy Spirit to carry out God's will in my daily life in a way that pleases him. You are. You're competent. Regardless of what stage of growth I may be in at the present time. Are you ready for this? My real importance in life is connected with the way I'm touching other people's lives with the love of God and the message of Christ.

Guest (Male): You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram, wrapping up his message titled, You Are Competent. That ATM picture Chip painted is hard to shake: $100,000 in the account, the card in your hand, and yet still sitting in the cold because you won't walk over and use what's already yours. The power to overcome shame, break patterns that have held you captive for decades, and live as God's competent, Spirit-filled child is already inside every genuine believer.

Guest (Male): Activating it means getting into God's word, claiming his promises, and doing life in honest community with people who know the real you. That's what this series is all about. And if you want to keep building on it day by day, Chip's brand new devotional, Growing Deeper in Christ, a 365-day journey to true discipleship, was designed for exactly that. A few minutes in scripture each day, one step at a time, letting these truths move from your head all the way down to your heart.

Guest (Male): When you join us as a monthly partner or make a donation for the very first time, we'll send you a copy of Growing Deeper in Christ as our gift. Become a partner or give your first gift today at livingontheedge.org or call us at 888-333-6003. You can also simply purchase the devotional for yourself or for a friend when you visit our website. Again, that's livingontheedge.org.

Guest (Male): Stay connected beyond the broadcast. Subscribe to the Living on the Edge podcast. Find us on Facebook and Instagram at livingontheedge with Chip Ingram, and subscribe to Chip Ingram's YouTube channel. Well, now here's Chip with a final word.

Chip Ingram: As we close today's program, I hope you're beginning to see a pattern here, that we all have warped mirrors, that the deepest needs of our life for being wanted, belonging, valued, significant, safe, secure, competent, all of these things are needs that are very legitimate. And that what we tend to do in the world system is to find people or things or performance to tell us that we're okay. And that's how we try and deal with our our shame and our guilt and our pain.

Chip Ingram: And the fact of the matter is is that when you come to know Jesus Christ as your Savior, God addresses all those issues when he takes you out of the kingdom of darkness and places you into the kingdom of light, when he makes you his son, when he makes you his daughter. He wants you to understand who you already are. Your past no longer defines you. Your future happiness is absolutely guaranteed because of Christ. And in the present, you have all the power and all the ability to face every challenge and seize every opportunity because you are competent in Christ.

Guest (Male): You know, a few things leave us feeling more unworthy and unlovable than guilt. But God has not only solved the problem of guilt, he wants to obliterate it completely. Find out how next time, here on Living on the Edge. Today's program is produced and sponsored by Living on the Edge.