Living on the Edge

Dave Drouie: Today on Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.

Chip Ingram: Did you ever wonder why some of the most I mean worst fights that you ever have are with people that you love the most? I mean what causes these heated conflicts and hurt feelings and painful words that really divide? Chances are the reasons for our disputes are different than you might think. Stay with us as we consider not only why we fight, but how to diffuse that conflict.

Dave Drouie: I'm Dave Drouie and this is Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. James chapter 4 traces our worst conflicts back to a single root cause, a consuming craving for self-gratification. Today Chip gives us the cure. He lays out four clear practical steps toward humbling yourself before God and shows us the promise attached to each one. If there's a relationship in your life that needs restoring, today's message is where you start. And in case you need to revisit this lesson at another time, just go to livingontheedge.org. Now here's Chip with his message titled why we fight with those we love.

Chip Ingram: Open your Bibles if you're not already there to James chapter 4. He says what is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Rhetorical question. Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members are literally among you? You lust and you do not have so you commit murder. You are envious and cannot obtain so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. And you do not receive because you ask with the wrong motives. Why? So that you can spend it on yourself. The summary of that is the root cause of interpersonal conflicts according to James is our consuming passion for self-gratification.

Okay, that's the cause of quarrels. Now he's going to give us God's diagnosis. Our constant quarrels reveal three different things. Verse 4. You adulteresses. Do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world, notice this, makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you not think that the scripture speaks to no purpose? He jealously desires the spirit which he made to dwell in us. But notice his response is he gives more grace. He gives more grace. Well how does he give the grace?

Therefore it says and he quotes the Old Testament here. God is opposed. Literally he's anti. He's against the proud, but he gives grace to the humble. Literally he goes adulteresses or unfaithful creatures. Don't you know circle the word friendship, will you? That's our word phileo. It's the affection with the world system and its sensual pleasures. It means you are at in hostility. You become an enemy or you're in hostility with God. You make yourself an enemy. Then he goes on to say he yearns jealously for the spirit that he puts within us. And this word, if you want to circle it, God opposes the proud.

It's a picture as you study this phrase of literally God going into battle and putting on holy array in battle to come against that which is opposed to what's good. And there are times in your life and there's times in my life when we do that. Let's go back and and play out what the lie is then. He says we believe the lie. The lie basically is hedonism. And hedonism is a worldview that promises that I will be fulfilled by pleasure. See the lie is fulfilling your sensual pleasure will deliver significance, security, joy, and fulfillment.

That's hedonism. And that lie leads us to betray a trust. And we become spiritual adulteresses. I don't know anything that is happening in our day that breaks God's heart more than a church that is fallen in love with the world. And and notice what it says. He yearns jealously for the spirit he made, but he gives more grace. Well how does he give more grace? He He He It says here we make ourselves an enemy so he gives more grace. How does he give more grace? He's opposed to the proud. What did What did he say in the beginning was the core of interpersonal problems?

Pride, selfishness. What's God opposed to? It means he's against. It doesn't mean he tolerates it. It doesn't mean that he winks at it. It doesn't mean that well you know I'm not really happy with this and I wish you could kind of clean it up. It means he's against it. When he's against it, that means he brings consequences not because he's down on you, because he loves you. See this isn't theoretical. And the seduction of the world is not something that you get hit in the face and go wow I'm a worldly friend of the world Christian and I may be maybe some of these difficult areas of my life really have to do with you know I'm God's enemy and I never thought about that and I don't think the average born again genuine believer in Jesus Christ in America is waking up every one day saying you know you know I know I really love God, but I think I'm going to embrace the world.

I think I'm going to try and live just like they are because I want all the negative consequences and I want to have be a terrible witness and you know my marriage you know who wants it to last more than eight or 10 years anyway and you know all these sexual addictions and food addictions, bulimia. I mean you know I mean these counselors need money so if I No one does that. But that's where we're landing people. So what's the solution? He gives us the solution where he gives us a prescription. And we're going to get the prescription in verses 7 through 10.

It is very direct. God's prescription is humble yourself and God will heal your relationships. Humble yourself and God will heal your relationships. Write those two words. Humble yourself and God will He'll restore. I'm going to read this passage and and there are seven um actually 10 staccato verbs that are commands. And And by staccato I mean it's bang bang bang bang bang bang. He's going to give us seven to 10 specific things that we need to do that will be a picture of how to humble yourself. You can circle the words, but number one, submit circle yourselves therefore to God.

Two, resist the devil and he'll flee from you. Three, draw near to God and he will draw near to you. Four, cleanse your hands, you sinners. And five, purify your hearts, you men of double mind. Six, be wretched and mourn. Seven, weep. Eight, let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to dejection. Circle laughter. 10, humble yourselves before the Lord and he will exalt you. Submit, resist, draw near, cleanse, purify, be miserable, mourn, weep, let your laughter be turned or literally have your laughter turned around. This isn't just don't laugh. This is the haughty kind of laughter where people are rejoicing and reveling in sin.

That's the picture of this word. And as you study those things, what you see is it is developed in four clear steps toward humility or to diffuse conflict. Number one, give in to God. Write that in the line above there. Submit yourselves therefore to God. The word submit here is in a tense of the verb that has a sense of urgency. It's a compound word hupo to be under and tasso to be under the rank. It's like falling into line or rank in the military. It's to take God as your commander, as your captain. It's a picture of a group of military people all walking like this and you are out of step.

What he's saying is you're out of step with the spirit. Well how do you get in step with the spirit? Very very clearly it is obey the known will of God revealed in scripture. Give in to God voluntarily from the heart. That's the idea. You might write just one word after that. Give in to God, put an arrow and write the word surrender and put a box in around it. It's really what it is. Surrender. Submit your will, submit your future, submit your relationships, submit your agenda, submit your desires. And you say God, here's what I'm going to do.

I have unconsciously I didn't mean to. I didn't realize that you brought me to this place at this time to help reveal it. The light bulbs are going off in my mind. My spirit is so convicted. I want you to know right now I surrender. I submit to you. I want you to know that as I begin to think about your word and I know it's going to be a journey, but I am going to submit my finances to you. I'm going to submit my schedule to you. I'm going to submit my relationships, my job, my ministry.

I submit to you. You are the general. You're the commanding officer. You're the king. You're the CEO. And I'm coming for orders. You tell me what to do. That's what I want to do. That's the first step in humbling yourself. It's obeying what you know. The second step is get tough with Satan. Notice the word resist the devil and he'll flee from you. Resist has the prefix anti. It means to be against him and to take a stand. It's to take a stand against the enemy. There is no middle ground. You can't play with him.

And the word devil, I mean who is this? He's the slanderer, the liar, the deceiver. He's the seducer. Has anyone seen a Forbes where you can go through a Forbes magazine and not somehow feel like man if I was really really rich and I'd be really really powerful then it'd be really really important. You know it's different strokes for different folks. It's a lust of the flesh for some. For others it's that magazine you look at and you see all those beautiful houses and all that beautiful furniture and all this or that dream vacation you can go to Scotland, do this and you go to this, go to this, go to this.

And it always go from one thing to another. Who's behind that? Who's selling you the bill of goods if you had, if you could, if you possessed, if you look like that? If you just had enough money to have some of those surgeries like they have on TV, then you could walk down the staircase. And all your friends would go who is that? That's a woman or a man who they've shaved off 35 lbs with surgery and other 20 lbs with exercise and they have poked, jabbed, pushed. I won't go any farther than that. Made up, dyed, broken jaws, put in new teeth, rearranged noses.

And under special lighting for one moment And here's my theory. Visit that woman or that man in three years and they'll look exactly like they did three years before.

Dave Drouie: You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. We'll pick the message back up in just a moment. But did you know you can actually watch Chip teach, not just hear him? Head on over to YouTube, search Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram and hit subscribe. You'll find full video teachings there on marriage, parenting, leadership, and a lot more. Ready to watch whenever it works for your schedule. We'll now here's Chip with the rest of today's message.

Chip Ingram: Resist the devil and he'll flee from you. Get tough with Satan, put an arrow and write the word fight and put a box around it. You got to fight. You got to fight. Ephesians 6 tells us how to put on the full armor of God. Look at this is a promise. If you resist he'll flee. But you got to get angry with it. You got to say I don't want to be that. I don't want to think of that. You got to say no more internet for me. I'm not going to watch that stuff. You have to cut off the supply lines.

You got to fight. You got to say there's a world system. It is purposely seeking to seduce me. And you got to You got to put up the guard and the armor and you cut You got to say to yourself you know what? I can't let that in our home. I've got a good friend that had a pornography problem. He just doesn't have the internet. He just doesn't have it. You say well that's drastic. Yeah it's drastic. He's just kind of saving his marriage, saving his life, walking with God, changing his life. He He just happens to know he's weak.

Where are you weak? Where are you weak? In the area of media I I would dare you to do something. You probably won't do this, but I I'll dare you anyway. Double double dare huh. I dare you to go on a media fast for 10 days. No TV, not even the news, 10 days. First two days you want to kill each other cuz you'll be so irritable. And And then you'll recognize we we actually spend hours that we didn't know in front of this thing. Then pretty soon you'll start getting creative and you'll have all kind of time and start doing some things you always wanted to do.

About day number 6 through 8 you'll start actually having some fun. Day number 9 you won't miss it very much. Day number 10 or 11 you'll realize oh hey and you'll start watching something and you'll watch a commercial and you go oh man that is that is gross. Because what what will happen is you won't be dumb down. Your spiritual sensitivities will come back alive. And you'll realize man there's a hook in that commercial. And did you notice how the camera panned and went to that guy's body part or that woman's body part? Did you see and all the sudden all those subliminal messages your spirit will pick them up.

And you 'll fight and you say man I I 'm not buying that stuff. But I tell you what you The passive I want to try harder to be a better person someday some way will not make it. Third he says draw near to God and he 'll draw near to you. Write in there get close to God. Get close to God and then draw an arrow and and and and in in the box write return. Return to God. What he wants you to know he loves you. He's for you. He cares about you. Anything you think the world and power or sex or pleasure or a boat or a better golf score or what plastic surgery could ever provide, Jesus says it's all a lie.

It's all temporary. I love you just for you. I have joy that circumstances can't change. I want to give you something in your heart that's called peace, not pseudo peace. I want you to be able to sit in a room where you don't have to turn on the TV or the stereo or run over to the refrigerator every time you have a little bit of arrest in your soul. I want to give you joy that even when bad news happens it wells up in you. I want to love you. I want to care for you.

I want to tie you into me and let you understand where real life comes, abundant life to the full. Isn't that what he promised? I came that you might have life and you could have it to the max. This isn't like getting second rate stuff. This is like seeing the junk for what it is. And then you you negatively you got to fight, but then you draw near to God. You return. And what's the promise say? He'll draw near to you. Isn't that awesome? This is a picture of the prodigal and the father. You know he didn't run after the prodigal, did he?

He allowed the consequences to get in the prodigal's life. By the time the kid is eating the pig slop he finally has a aha moment. This ain't good. The slaves have it better. But the moment he returned the word right and began to come back to the father, what did the father do? Study that passage carefully. He does a number of things that break culture. He runs to meet. That means he had to pick up his robe. That means he embarrassed himself in the city. He ran to meet his son. God wants to run to meet some of you.

And some of you are so overwhelmed with guilt and so got so much baggage and so much junk and feel like you're so unworthy and you've been through so much. He's a God of grace. If you've fallen into a 15 ft hole he he he will lower a 16 ft rope. And if you've fallen into a 300 ft hole and you can say I had two abortions, I've had four marriages, I'm a perpetual liar, I'm stealing from the company right now, my whole life is a mess, I'm 300 ft of just dirt and I feel like a terrible person.

God said I brought you here cuz I have a 301 ft rope. Just just grab it babe. I love you. I love you. I died for you. I have a plan for you. I want to restore you. Well how do you draw near to God? That's not just an emotional experience. How do you draw near to God? Well since you many of you are on that media fast because I double double dared you and some of you can't resist that. With all this time you know what you'll find? Just start reading through the New Testament.

Just start taking walks instead of watching TV and talk to God. And when you're hurt tell him you're hurt. When you're angry just express it and tell him you're angry. Then the the the things and the needs that you don't have ask him for. Get in the scriptures, begin to pray and then you know what? Every New Testament command I can find is in the second person plural. There might be an exception or two. That means I'm never expected to live this radical New Testament revolutionary life alone. I got to do it with people. And you get in the scriptures and you begin to pray and you get with some people that are making progress with the Lord.

And you find some music and a Bible teaching church that teaches the word and lives authentic lives. And you know what you're drawing near to God, he's going to draw near to you. And all the things you thought that we're going to deliver through your hedonism, that you're being brainwashed like I'm being brainwashed day after day after day, God says I'm going to give you better and lasting both now and forever. The final thing he says is get right with others. Notice the phrase here, cleanse your hands, purify your hearts. You know what? That's the outward.

You know what are you doing with your hands that is wrong? Cleanse them. Then not just externally, but internally. Purify your hearts. Where are your motives? Let there be tears for the wrong that you've done. And so there's a private purification where you cleanse your hands. And you know you know what it is? You don't hear this much anymore. Are you ready for this? Some of you a number of things have come up in your mind. I've just sort of thrown a few little bombs out. Have you noticed? You know the soaps over here, romance novels over here, pornography over here, materialism.

Just in case you miss the bombs I'm I'm This is a review. All right? All right? A little bitterness in your heart, unforgiveness toward a ex, toward a mom, a dad, one of your kids, right? You know what that You know what cleanse your hands, purify your hearts is? Stop sinning. Stop it. Okay, you ready? It's it's going to I'm going to do this again. It's very complicated. Stop sinning. I mean we we get this like yeah I will. You know I'm going to have to process this, maybe see my counselor. You know what? Is it wrong?

Stop it. Repent. That's the word. Write. Get right with others. Arrow in a box then write repent. Now do you need help? Yeah. Do you need to see a a pastor or friend? But if you have wronged someone, make it right. Cleanse your hands. If you have bitterness in your heart, if you have resentment, if you have anger fantasies, purify your heart, purge it. Tell God you're sorry. If you need to apologize to someone, go apologize to him. But just say I'm going to I'm going to get right with God. I'm going to get right with others.

Then notice the final thing he says in verse 10. He says humble yourself therefore under the mighty hand of God. Why? That he may exalt you. He's told us that the problem is interpersonal relationships, that it's really selfishness. He said the lie that we've believed is hedonism, the whole pleasure mentality, the playboy mentality of our day. But he says you know something? Submit to God, resist the devil, draw near to God, and then get right with others. And then he says that is the actions of humbling yourself before God. And here's what he'll He wants to literally Here's the word.

He wants to lift you up. He wants to restore you. I wish I had time to go over couple after couple after couple. And men who've had 20 years of pornography, internet addiction, and people that have been on drugs in the places I've had the privilege of pastor where I've watched them humble themselves, come and say God I'm bankrupt and do exactly what we've talked about here. And the Lord has weaned them from the world and they've been returned to their first love, the Lord Jesus. And is it easy? No. Is it humbling? You know some of you are thinking well if I if I made it right I might have to go like actually apologize to someone like an ex made or an ex boss.

This could go public. This would This would be humiliating. Humiliation comes from the same root word as humble. You see when we finally get to where it ain't it ain't it ain't about me and it ain't about you it's let's just be right. People You know people don't think any of us are near as good as we think they think they are anyway. Right? I mean we're all we're all projecting a little bit better and most of us see through what we're projecting. It takes more energy to hide and cover and project that we're better than it does to come absolutely clean and say I blew it.

I was wrong. I'm sorry. God has forgiven me and I would you. And you know what I find? People are pretty merciful with people that are humble.

Dave Drouie: You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram and a message titled why we fight with those we love. They can find today's lesson online at livingontheedge.org. Everything Chip walked us through today comes down to the same call as everything else in this series. Loving people well takes an actual decision, not just an intention. That's the whole case behind Chip's book I choose love. It unpacks what the Bible means by agape love and gives you a practical way to start living it out with the people right in front of you. Get your copy of I choose love at a special price today at livingontheedge.org/offers.

You know we hear from listeners all the time about what happens when they actually put teaching like this into practice. One woman wrote in about the anger she'd carried for years chasing the approval of the people around her, anger that was in her own words ruining some of her closest relationships. Learning that she already has God's approval she said changed everything and it actually restored her relationship with her daughter. I can't imagine she wrote where we would be if I had not participated in the program. Well that kind of restoration is exactly what this ministry is about and it's only possible because listeners like you keep it going.

Give generously today and help this kind of practical biblical teaching reach the next relationship that needs exactly this. Give online at livingontheedge.org or call us at 888-333-6003. You can also send your gift by mail. Address it to Living on the Edge PO Box 3007 Suwanee, Georgia 30024. We'll now here's Chip.

Chip Ingram: As we close today's program there are four specific steps toward humility and the promise is when you humble yourself God will lift you up. He will help you. Let me review them quickly. Number one, give in to God. Submit yourselves therefore to God. The keyword is surrender. Second, get tough with Satan. Resist the devil and he'll flee from you. You may need some help on what that looks like and how to do it. Number three, get close to God. The promise draw near to God and he'll draw near to you. Open the scriptures, read the Psalms, cry out to God.

He longs to help you in your pain. And number four, get right with others. Repent. If you need to make something right, make it right. This is one of those messages you need to get the notes, download them for free and then you can walk through it. There's discussion questions and an outline that will help you put this into practice. Father I pray for those in conflict who need to take the first step that they'll go to the web today and they'll hear your voice and begin to put into practice what it looks like to humble themselves so that you can lift them up.

In Jesus name. Amen.

Dave Drouie: Again our website is livingontheedge.org. Next time Chip turns to a subject most of us would rather not talk about, the words we use about other people. Don't miss this important lesson right here on Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Today's program is produced and sponsored by Living on the Edge.