Living on the Edge

Chip Ingram: Did you ever wonder how you came to see yourself the way that you do? Do you realize that every relationship decision and choice that you make is rooted in your self-image? Would you like to have an encouraging, positive self-image? Well, stay with me. That's what we're going to talk about.

Dave Druey: You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Previously, Chip opened Ephesians chapter one and showed us something remarkable: that God personally chose us and that we are wanted by Him. Today, Chip picks up right where he left off and takes us even deeper into what it means to be fully adopted into God's family.

Now, if you missed the start of our series called The New You, be sure to catch up online at livingontheedge.org. Well, now here's Chip Ingram with his message titled, You are Wanted.

Chip Ingram: Some of you know someone that you want to date or you want to marry. Some of you are looking for someone to fill a position and you want this kind of person. If you want them, what do you do? You pursue them. Here's what I want you to know: this is an amazing thing. God wants you. He wants you for Himself.

What does God say about those who are in Christ? Number one, we're chosen by Him. Literally, we are picked out personally for Himself. You are wanted by God. You're not only chosen, but you're adopted by Him. That means complete in all the rights and privileges of being a part of His family. It's irrevocable. Once you're adopted into His family, you're part of His family.

And the core truth is you are accepted by God and you are His child. I have a friend who grew up in an orphanage. His name is Billy. He was in the orphanage until he was eight years old and everybody that he grew up with in this orphanage—people would come in, "I want this one, I want this one." Billy kept being left out, left out, left out. By the time you're eight, most all of the cute little friends are gone. And finally, one day, a family walked in and looked at him and said, "We want you."

And so Billy was adopted. The family came in, he tells the story. They came in the first few nights and he was sleeping on the floor and they said, "What are you doing? We have this nice bed, we got all these new things for you." And he goes, "I've never slept in a bed. I'm unworthy to sleep in that bed." Even though he was legally adopted and had a mom and dad who loved him and his name was officially changed and he was deeply loved, he kept living like an orphan.

How many of you are living like spiritual orphans? You are loved by God, but you're looking for it everywhere else. Well, Billy grew up, he became one of my professors, and he's been dealing with this issue his whole life, even into adulthood. To the point that all those things about pleasing people, all those things about fearing rejection, until God did a great work in his life. And then at one point, he decided God called him to plant a church and he would take a risk.

It used to be called South Hills. And Billy's name is Bill Lawrence. Bill Lawrence taught me to preach. Bill Lawrence figured out he's adopted. He's loved by a father. He's cared for deeply. And he began to understand what it means to be adopted by a loving, caring father. What does it really mean to be adopted? When we hear the words that I've just shared, they make some sense to us, but they make a lot more sense to the people who got this.

That word "adopted" to us—it means a lot to me, I adopted two boys. If you've adopted kids or if you are adopted, I will tell you, this passage means a lot more to you. But if you were in Ephesus and you were hearing this read, adoption—you would think the Roman law. The only people that get adopted are adults. They didn't adopt children.

And the people that got adopted would be if my wife and I couldn't have children and we don't have any heirs, we would find the smartest, best, most wonderful person who was an adult in their probably mid-20s or 30s, and we would adopt them. And according to Roman law, their past life vanished, even if they had any debts, it vanished. Their name was changed and they became officially part of our family.

In other words, they kind of earned it. They're such a wonderful person, they would be adopted. And these Christians are reading this and saying, "I mean, that's what a wealthy person in Rome would do. The God of the universe adopted us? Unworthy people? He did for us what we couldn't do for ourselves? Can you imagine the sense of 'Wow, I must be valuable. I must be really important. I must be lovable'?" And that's what happened to them.

I think J.I. Packer is right, classic book Knowing God. He has a section on adoption. And I love it. He says at the end of this chapter 19, it's a strange fact that the truth of adoption has been little regarded in Christian history. Apart from two 19th-century books now scarcely known, there's no evangelical writing on it. Nor was there any writing on it before the time of the Reformation, and there has not been any more before or after.

See, I think this is something that we haven't taught. I think this is something that down deep in your heart, the deepest emotional needs, the deepest relational needs, the sense of belonging that's supposed to come from God—we have so emphasized: come to Christ, turn from your sin, it's a gift, it's all about grace. We have these stunted people that I think many or most are genuine believers, living like orphans and trying to find love and acceptance everywhere but where they already have it.

So let me give you a little journey. Thanks to J.I. Packer, I took a section of his chapter, and here's five things that are true of us orphans who've now been adopted. Number one, when you're adopted, you're loved. See how great a love the Father has bestowed upon us, that we should be called the children of God, and such we are. Literally, the phrase is "see what manner of love."

And that phrase "manner of love" literally it's a general translation, but it's basically "how foreign." Sort of "how different," "how illogical" that God would love us. Makes no sense is the idea. The two greatest evidences of love in all the New Testament are first the cross—while we were yet sinners, Christ died in our place—and second, sonship and daughtership.

It's not just that He made us right with Him, it's that He wants to be intimately involved in our lives. He's a father. He wants to take care of us. When Jesus is teaching on the Sermon on the Mount, how are we supposed to pray? "Father." When He was risen from the dead, what did He say to Mary? "Mary, go tell my brothers—He's our elder brother now—go tell my brothers: my God and my Father, and your God and your Father."

When He talks about the spiritual life, He says when you give and when you pray and when you fast, do it secretly so who? Your Father. God wants you to know I'm your Father and I love you perfectly like a father. You're adopted, you're really a part of my family. This isn't theology, this is reality. The second thing is that there's hope. The Spirit, Romans 8, Himself testifies with our spirit that we're children of God.

And if children, heirs also. Heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so we may also be glorified with Him. In other words, when you're a child of someone who's really your father, you're an heir. My oldest boys I had the privilege of adopting when they were about four and a half or five. I recently revised my whole estate plan. I have four kids.

And everything I have is being passed on to all four of my kids. My biological kids and my adopted kids. Why? Because after so many years, it never entered my mind they're not mine. And God wants you to know: hope. Hope isn't the economy, hope isn't if you meet someone someday, hope isn't if you go public, hope is not about your kids getting into this school or that school.

Dave Druey: You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Stay with us. We're halfway through today's message and there's still more ahead. Today's teaching comes from Chip's powerful series, The New You: Claiming Your Birthright as a Child of God.

Want to go deeper? Each of these lessons is available online at livingontheedge.org, along with additional resources and discussion guides to take you further. Find it all at livingontheedge.org. Well, now let's get back to Chip's message.

Chip Ingram: Here's hope: hope is that you're now a child of God. And if you're a child, you're an heir. And what do you know is: you're going to get a resurrected body. You're going to go to heaven for sure. There's going to be a family reunion. God's going to be with you forever and ever. Hope is in the midst of your hardest times. He may not snap His fingers and make everything go wonderful tomorrow; He will go through it with you because He's your Father.

Some of you are really good dads. Some of you have had really good dads and really good moms. And you think back when you were a kid in the hardest times—in your first breakup, and the broken bone, and you didn't make the first team, and all the rest—and your mom or your dad, they loved you. God says, "That's me for you, not out there somewhere somehow, but now."

The third thing that's true of us that are adopted: there's intimacy. For you have not received the spirit of slavery leading again to fear, but you've received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, "Abba, Father." It's the most intimate, sensitive term. Aramaic for "Papa," "Daddy." This isn't this God that's far off that, "Okay, I guess I need to read a chapter today, keeps the devil away."

And "I guess if I gosh giving, boy that's a big one" and "you know maybe I should go on a missions trip." Do you realize so much of today's evangelical Christianity is just transactional? What do I have to do to somehow earn or gain God's favor? And if I do these things, at least according to TV preachers, He has to do all these things for me. And at the end of the day, it's really not about intimacy and love, it's really about getting what you want and using Jesus. It's called idolatry.

God says, "I want to give you the most intimate relationship. I want to love you. I want you to know that you can share with me everything. And I'm involved. And I want to bless you not if or because you do this or that—I already am for you. I already love you. I want you to open the scriptures to say: Papa, how's it going today? And I need your help."

And to hear His voice through the Word and hear His voice through God's people. And that you would be in love with God, not simply trying to earn His favor or be a good person. My son—one of my older sons—went through a really big time of rebellion. And by God's grace, he did a 180. I remember sitting in the car and tears streaming down my face, that we just couldn't keep doing life.

And he was end of high school. I said, "You know, you got a couple days to decide whether you can keep living in our home or just—the behavior and all the rest. If you're old enough to do whatever you want, then maybe you need to do that somewhere else." And it was after about three or four years of very painful times. And just crying. It would break our heart, but we love you, I don't know what else to do.

And he went into his bedroom for a couple days and I think he re-engaged with a God that he wondered whether he existed or not. He went through the very genuine doubts that all of our teens and young people do. He came out later and did a 180 and began to really walk with God. I remember saying, "Son, what happened? I don't get it. What—the change was so dramatic."

And you know, as a pastor, you know, you're thinking, "Maybe—maybe it was one of my sermons." At this point, he—and in a moment of intimacy and tenderness, he said, "You know, Dad, I've doubted everything. And I'm sure it was part of being a kid in a big church where people said all this stuff about you and feeling pressure. And I knew it was just outright rebellion. But you know, I just began to, for two days, think: Jesus is so real to you, Mom."

"He's just so real to you. And you know, you got lots of issues, most of which I've been pointing out for the last three or four years. But you're no different at home than you are at church. And you never made me feel like I needed to shape up so you would look better at church. I see you and Mom talk and pray, and I realize I'm not sure what I'm doubting, but He sure is real to you. And I asked God: will you help me? Like never before, will you be real to me?"

The reason we're losing our youth by and large is not simply what they're hearing in college and the universities. Of course, that's difficult. And not simply just the culture. The culture's always been hard for youth. I think what they need to see is the reality of the intimacy in your life and your love with your Heavenly Father. That it's not "we brought you to church, we dropped you off at the youth group, we put you in a good Christian school or whatever your plan is."

And somehow it's become moralism. And their heart—they haven't seen a heart that beats for God. They haven't seen you cry over your sin. They haven't seen that what really matters is not success and not education and not how you appear. That's why it's in our weakness and our brokenness that God pours forth His Spirit. This adoption is transformational.

It leads also to holiness. For whom the Lord loves He disciplines, and He scourges every son whom He receives. It's for discipline that you endure. God deals with you as a son. For what son is there that He doesn't discipline? And then He tells us why: for they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but God—He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share in His holiness.

We are so loved and so part of the family that anything we would do that would jeopardize us getting the best, God actually brings consequences. Some of the hardest times you're going through, it's not He's down on you. It's He loves you so much He's trying to get your attention away from the idols and away from the media and away from all the different stuff that you're bombarded by because He wants to draw you near. You do that with your kids, and He's doing it with you and me.

And finally, I love this. When you understand adoption, there's assurance. In other words, you know that you know that you know. The Apostle Paul would say in Romans 8, "For I'm convinced that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor things present nor things to come, nor any other created thing will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

And here's what I want you to get is that you are loved and you are wanted. That's who you are. You are wanted. You can want it and desire it from other people, but you don't need it. And nothing can separate you from His love. You got to declare that. Someone breaks up with you, you lose a job, your goals, your frustrations—all those things, they're going to go up and they're going to go down many times over the decades. God's saying, "I want you. And I'll be there for you."

And all the things that really matter, I will never let go of you. Now here's the question: how do you get that in that great 18-inch journey from your head and to your heart? So turn to the back of your notes and I'll show you. These are the actual cards that my wife used. We wrote them on old 3x5 cards and they became so helpful that Living on the Edge printed them so that they would be prettier for people, I suppose.

And thousands and thousands of people are doing what we did early in the morning. First, the principle is replace the warped mirrors and misbeliefs by the truth of God's word. Second, identify your lies that you believe and write them on the side of a 3x5 card. Now, you guys are high-tech, put it on—you do it—I'm a card guy, okay? Example: for this one, "I must be approved or accepted by certain people to be happy."

Or another lie, "I need other people's approval to make me happy." I'm telling you, you believe that with all your heart. You do stuff and you're making decisions about your family, your life, your career, your relationships that are simply rooted in this lie that you have to have their approval. And I will tell you what, that's the misbelief. Then I turn the card over: "I want people's approval of me, but I don't need it."

"I'm as insecure as any and everyone in this room or whoever watches this wherever. I want you all to like me. We all do. But I don't need it. With God's approval, I'm no longer compelled to earn love and acceptance. I'm free to be me." And you know what? Read that over in the morning, read that over in the night. Read that over in the morning, read that over in the night.

Because the core is this belonging. And so the next card is: "I'm wanted, appreciated, and loved by God, the most important person in my life." I watched my wife go for three or four years with my daughter, going through a series of these cards that she just read and she just read and she just read. You know what? I have a daughter that actually believes she's wanted, appreciated, and loved by God, the most important person in her life.

And made some very hard decisions under peer pressure because that got put into here that made it down to here. She knew that she belonged. And when you really belong to Him and you have a passage that says that, I would just tell you: you get free. Now here's the deal. This is not like, "Oh, I read those cards, two weeks later everything's great." These are—you take one degree and you change it.

I would encourage you to read this over, to write those on cards, and just say, "I'll do this morning and night." And if you for 60 or 90 or 120 days—you will begin to incrementally begin to believe that you're a daughter of the living God. And you'll—you'll have desires that will change that you won't know, like: I don't have to read the Bible, I want to. I don't have to pray so long; it's just an invitation.

I don't have to do this or do that. I don't have to respond this way in work. I don't have to make my kids happy every day, every moment. Because you will understand that you belong and you will be set free.

Dave Druey: You're listening to Living on the Edge in a message titled, You are Wanted. Chip ended today with something practical: those 3x5 cards. Simple, almost too simple. But that's the point, isn't it? The truth of who you are in Christ doesn't move from your head to your heart by trying harder. It moves by repetition. By replacing the lies you've believed for years with what God actually says about you, day after day, morning and night, until it sticks.

That's also the heartbeat behind Chip's brand-new devotional, Growing Deeper in Christ, a 365-day journey to true discipleship. Every day, just a few minutes in the Word and one simple step—the kind of steady daily rhythm that moves truth from the page into your life. Now, if you've never given to this ministry before, or if you'd like to join us as a monthly partner, make your gift online at livingontheedge.org and we'll send you a copy of the Growing Deeper in Christ devotional as our thanks.

Your monthly support has a compounding impact on the people we're able to reach here in North America and around the world, helping Christians to live like Christians. Sign up as a monthly partner today at livingontheedge.org. Or if you'd simply like to purchase the devotional or pass one along to someone you love, you can do that too. Again, just go to livingontheedge.org or write to us at Living on the Edge, PO Box 3007, Atlanta, Georgia 30324. You can also call us by dialing 888-333-6003. Well, now here's Chip.

Chip Ingram: As I close today's program with you and I shared those cards and I shared a bit of the journey of learning that I really belong to God and how that freed me from not having to please people—and I want you to hear: this is a journey. It didn't happen overnight. But I want you also to understand that to be wanted, to be valued, it's so deeply ingrained in how God made you.

And you're human and you want other people to approve of you and love you. And we do all kinds of things to get people to like us. We perform in how we look and what we wear and all kinds of ways, and yet they all fall short. And I have no idea where you're at today except for what I know is in the depth of your heart: you long to belong.

You long to have another human being look at you in the eyes and say, "You belong here, you are wanted, you are valued, you matter." And yet every human being will let you down because they're just like you and they're just like me. But I do want you to know that Jesus promises when He says, "I want you. I love you. You matter to me. I want you to be with me now and I want you to be with me forever." It's a promise and it'll never change.

If you have never received Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, no matter your background, no matter what you've done, I want to tell you right now at this moment, He's inviting you: come to me. Just right now, wherever you are, whatever you're doing, just pause and stop and turn to Him and say: Lord Jesus, I need you. I believe you died in my place. I believe you rose from the dead. I want to belong, please come into my life right now. I'm putting my trust in you.

And then let me encourage you as you pray that: just from your heart, text or call the greatest Christian you know. Let them know what you just did. And then please go to our website, livingontheedge.org, and we have a clear section there of some material that will help you understand what's happening to you and how to grow. It's absolutely free. And let me be the first to say: welcome to the family.

Dave Druey: Just go to livingontheedge.org/salvation. Well, I'm Dave Druey, and we'll be continuing our series called The New You with a powerful new lesson about where to find your true value in this life. Next time, on Living on the Edge.