Living on the Edge

Chip Ingram: It's a fact: one of the leading causes of mental illness is unforgiveness. The power of forgiveness is undeniable. The results of unforgiveness are unmistakable: bitterness, envy, and wrath—a life eaten up by anger and pain. Today, I want to give you some very practical tools that can help you begin the habit of giving and receiving forgiveness. I hope you'll stay with me.

Dave Druey: Is there a grudge you just can't seem to let go of? Someone whose name still makes your stomach tighten when it comes up? I'm Dave Druey, and welcome to Living on the Edge. We're in a series called Free at Last: How to Break Out of a Destructive Lifestyle, where Chip makes the case that real victory over the habits that trip us up isn't just possible, it's within reach—something we can be trained for. Today, Chip tackles one of the hardest stations of spiritual training there is: learning to be forgiving. Now here's Chip with today's lesson titled, "The Power of Spiritual Training in the Transformation Process."

Chip Ingram: Very interesting. Now and then, I've memorized a verse that I wish I hadn't, only because I have to live with this. Luke 6:45 is a very interesting passage where Jesus says that our words are like a spiritual MRI, and they will tell you what's really going on in your heart.

A good man, according to Jesus, brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart. An evil man brings out evil things of the evil stored up in his heart, for the mouth speaks by that which fills the heart.

The reason you need to be so careful and actually monitor your words and listen to your words is because a lot of us say things to people. We're critical of someone, we put down innuendos here, a little joke here, a little sexual connotation here. And we think, "What are words?" Our words... you have to go into training. James said that if you can ever control your tongue, it's like putting the bit in a horse or like the rudder on a ship; you can control your whole life.

I just want you to get into training to be positive. I'm going to be positive in my words in my home, with my roommate, and with my friend. I'm going to be positive when people are around. I'm going to be positive in my tone of voice. Now, when you go into training on this one, it will be very painful at first because most of us don't think much about our words.

How do you do that? Let me give you a little training apparatus: practice silence and solitude. Under silence, just jot the verse Proverbs 10:19. It says, "When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable." This is a funny application: talk less.

The second is solitude. If you would say, "God, I'm going to spend solitude with You a half hour or 45 minutes or an hour every day." And then you sit quietly. For some of you, you just sit quietly. For some of us that are very verbal, then I get out my journal and I begin to write. "Lord, would You speak to me? Would You bring to my mind anybody or anything in the last day or so where things have come out of my mouth?"

And sit quietly. I will tell you, if you struggle with the idea that God never answers your prayers, you're going to get some answered prayers in a hurry. He'll bring vivid pictures to your mind of what you said or how you said it. This will be difficult at first, but you'll start experiencing God. When you go into training on your speech and you begin to open His Word, you'll start to experience God because He longs for your words to give life. He longs for you to be a conduit of life and hope and building up and education in your home and at work and in your family and in your neighborhood. But most of us don't think much about what we say. So let me encourage you: go into training. Be positive. Don't wound with your words.

Station number five: we go into training to be forgiving. Be forgiving. Be the first to say, "I'm sorry." Verse 31 says, "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you."

Put a line under those keywords: bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and then skip down to all malice. Then put a circle around kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving. In fact, grammatically, what he's going to say is stop being bitter and demonstrate yourself to be a kind, tenderhearted, compassionate, forgiving person.

The training objective is relational harmony. That's really what he's talking about is great relationships. The training command is to be kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving. The negative is to stop hateful attitudes and behaviors. Start showing and demonstrating loving attitudes and behaviors.

The training actions are to put off hate. I did a little word study on each of these. Since we tend to use words loosely, let me just go through and tell you what bitterness and anger... I mean, he's very particular about these. Bitterness is the long-standing resentment that we have. It's a spirit inside of us that refuses to be reconciled with someone. Now, by the way, you do understand that this is a command in light of someone who has hurt you, betrayed you, abused you, wounded you, gossiped about you, slandered you, or did you in. You're hurt.

That's why you get bitter and that's why you get angry. It's nursing an anger to keep it warm and brooding over insults and injuries. You have anger fantasies about these people. Wrath here is an outbreak of passion. It's a picture of like a piece of newspaper that you light. This is rage. These are those outbursts that people have.

Anger here is that habitual righteous anger, but the sun goes down on it. So although it's righteous and it's just and you're angry, pretty soon everything in you is critical about everything and everyone because it doesn't measure up. The clamor is loud talking, brawling, shouting. This is that screaming at one another, shouting at one another, injurious names, calling people names. It's the kind of stuff that some of you remember was a part of your first marriage.

And then even in counseling, you said, "Oh, we'll bring it back and I'm sorry and I didn't mean it." But words have the power of life and death. People blew up and scars were there. Slander, we get our word blasphemy from it. It's evil speaking. It's trying to injure someone with your speech and making up untrue statements or shading them or spinning them in a way that when other people hear it, it puts another person in a bad light. And then finally, malice just has the idea of flowing from a heart that desires for the other person to pay. It's just this joy in the demise of another person.

And what he says is, you are not a spiritual green caterpillar anymore. You have come to know the living Savior, you've been in the cocoon of the supernatural community of God's church, and put it off. That behavior is off-limits for the children of God. You are now a supernatural butterfly by His grace, and he's going to say, "I want you to put on kindness." It means sweetness, gentleness. It has the idea of generosity. It has the focus of thinking of others; it's an outward focus.

Then he says, put on kindness and tenderheartedness, or literally, the word is compassion. It's an interesting word used of Jesus: splachna. In the ancient world, they didn't use the heart as the center of affections; it was the liver and the bowels. They thought the deepest thinking came from here, and so that's this word for this. It's more than empathy. This is someone even who has hurt you, but you think about where it is they came from, and there's something where you see the hurt and the damage.

Every time this word comes up with Jesus, He sees a great multitude and He sees they're like downcast sheep. If you know anything about a downcast sheep, once they roll over too far on their own, they cannot roll back without help. They will die. And He says that's how He saw people in their dysfunction and their sin and their hurt and their patterns. And He had compassion on them. Compassion always leads to action to help.

He says, put away those things, but instead, be tenderhearted, not hard-hearted, not harsh, compassionate. And then forgiving literally means to put it away, to release it. Just the way God took your sin and my sin and He put it away and He placed it on Christ. So when Jesus was hanging on the cross, your sin and my sin and the sins of the whole world were placed on Him, and the just wrath of God for your sin and mine was placed on Him, and He paid for it. He atoned—His blood covered our sin. Whosoever would believe and turn in faith and receive that gift, your sins go to His account and His righteousness comes to your account because He's merciful to you.

That's what He's saying. But your thinking has to change. My thinking has to change. We put off hate. The renewing of our mind is we remember that right relationships take precedence over my rights. When I'm hurt and when you're hurt, you're thinking, "Don't be bitter, be kind. Don't blow up, be tenderhearted." After what she did? After what he did? He said he was a Christian, he's my business partner, he ripped me off. After she talked behind my back? Are you kidding me? Thanksgiving, until hell freezes over, I'll never be in the same room with that group of people.

Anybody had any of those? Paying people back. He said that's not how spiritual butterflies live. When you give other people what they don't deserve—granted, there may be situations where you have to set boundaries—but this starts in a real attitude of the heart. You will never be more like Jesus. You've heard it said, "Love your friends and hate your enemies," but I say to you, "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." For what value is it if you do good to them who can do good back to you? Be merciful, like your heavenly Father is merciful, who causes it to rain on the just and on the unjust.

Dave Druey: You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram, and there's more coming up in a moment, so stay with us. Beyond this broadcast, Chip's teaching also lives on the Living on the Edge YouTube channel. Full sermons, short clips you can send to a friend, and entire series you can work through at your own pace. Just search "Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram" on YouTube and subscribe so you don't miss what's next. Now, let's continue today's lesson.

Chip Ingram: The training command here is what I call the Matthew 5:24 principle. This is the one that reminds me that my rights—"This isn't fair"—is not as important as right relationships. Matthew 5:24, it's this picture of an Old Testament saint in the time of Jesus coming to the altar, and he's going to present his offering. He may have a pigeon, or he may have a calf or a goat, and he's making an offering. It says, "If you come there before God with your offering, and there remember your brother has something against you..."

Notice, it's not you have something against him. Now, that I could buy. I've got this against him, I've got a bad attitude, I ripped him off, I'm really mad, I'm really angry. Okay, Lord, I get it, I'll go apologize. That's not what it says. It says, if when you're bringing your offering and you know they have something against you. In your mind, you're going, "Something against me? Are you kidding me? It was 92% their fault. When they come and apologize, we'll get this right."

What does it say? When you know they have something against you, leave your offering at the altar, go and be reconciled with your brother. Go own the 8%. Make every effort as far as it depends on you to be at peace with all men. Do whatever it takes because the relationship to God is more important than who is right.

The relationship in your family... and some of you have been there. You're estranged from family members. There's been these breakdowns and pains and hurts and struggles, and they're real. It takes someone with maturity who says, being fair is not the issue. Just because you do this doesn't mean there's reconciliation. It doesn't mean people hug. It doesn't mean Thanksgiving is wonderful. But what it means is you have been a child of God, you're walking in a manner worthy, and you're living the way Jesus is His life through you.

So you go to them and you make every effort, and you'd be surprised what God will do. You'd be surprised how healing can occur. Because in so many relationships among Christians, it's: this happens, there's a divide, they're over here, you're over here. When their name comes up, your stomach gets a little like this. When you see them in a grocery store or someplace or, heaven forbid, at the airport when you're traveling, and you just realize, "Oh my lands."

Then you try and act like you don't see them. Then it's too late. And then it's like a scab. Why? Because it's not dealt with. You go into training. You go into training to make the relationships what God wants them to be because when I sin and blow it, like I do and you do, I come to God and I say, "Oh Lord, I can't believe I said that. I can't believe I did that. I know I should have done this, but I did that. Boy, the potential consequences are this and this. Oh Jesus, will You please forgive me? Please be merciful. Please don't hold me accountable to this. Would You please forgive me?"

What do I want? Mercy. And yet someone violates me and what I want? Justice. What Jesus says is, "I gave you mercy. Now you need to extend it." This is like this training station and it's the one that many of us don't appreciate at all: the abs. The abs hold everything together. But if there's bitterness in your heart, relationships are out of sync.

The principle of the entire book of 1 John is if your relationship with God vertically is right, then your relationships with people horizontally have to be right. So you do the ab work and you ride the bicycle. For some of you, remember junior high sports, and you put your feet up like this and the coach would say, "Okay, keep them up, keep them up, keep them up." And you go... "No, get them up, get them up, come on, come on, come on."

It's really hard, but the core connects everything else. What relationship do you realize you need to forgive someone? I remember about five years ago I tore a disc in my back, L4, L5. I couldn't sit down. When I rode on planes, it was excruciating. I had to take three Advil and a pain pill, and I did injections, I did everything. Nothing worked. A guy said, "Well, I can fuse your back, but then you can't do anything." He said, "If you can endure the pain in a couple years, the body's going to start healing. But you've got to endure it."

I tried everything. Then this doctor, who was a back doctor, had my same problem. He gave me the card of his personal trainer. He said, "What I did is I went nuts, and I got my core so strong that it began to take all the pressure off my back." I didn't go to his trainer, but I tried everything. Ladies, please don't laugh. I learned that Pilates really builds your core. I found myself in a room with all women, and my wife was gracious to go with me.

All of a sudden, "Okay, the plank, diligent." And here's all these ladies smiling. I hadn't done anything in two years. What I had to learn was to be diligent. I did Pilates and a Pilates fusion type deal. After three, four, five months, my back pain was gone. For some of you, you need to go into training. Some with your heart being positive with your words. Some, those back exercises. For others, it's the cardio work.

God is a provider. Transformation is always by grace. Your number one cheerleader is living inside you; it's the Holy Spirit. What we've learned is that you grieve Him and I grieve Him when words come out of our mouth when we hurt other people. This isn't a formula. These aren't principles. This is not self-help. This is not "go into training and you'll be a better person and be more successful." All those things may happen, but it's completely not the point.

This is a relationship. This is about the living God living inside of you. There's a part of the transformation that no one's going to do for you. You've got everything you need: His Spirit, His Word, His people. There's part of it that's hard: to be honest, to be angry, to be diligent, to be positive, and be forgiving. That's your part. You can't do it, but He's working. He's creating in some of you right now. He's creating the will and the desire to do some things that you don't want to do.

So here's the application. Number one, I want you to look at your notes underneath there. Where are you doing well? Some of your personalities, "Oh, I'm doing terrible. I'm terrible on the bike, I'm terrible on the back, I need spiritual abs, I'm a terrible person." That is not God's word to you. You need to rejoice and say, "Where was I a year ago or three years ago? I've made progress." Jot it down. I'm a lot better with my words. I used to have an anger problem. Wow, I remember I forgave so-and-so a couple years ago after what she or he did. Write that down. Be encouraged.

Second, what one area do you need to address? Don't look at all five of those. Don't try and do all five. What's the critical one? What's the keystone habit spiritually that when you make progress on this, the others will fall into place? And then finally, you can't do this by yourself. None of us can do this. So the last question is who? Who's going to help you?

I just had another injury and I went to a physical therapist on Friday. I had been doing exercises by myself, and I felt very proud of myself. Then I went to this physical therapist and he had me do exercises. Tears. Put this ball between your knees, do this on this back. "How you doing? Give me 10 more. Okay, here's this machine, three sets." He took me through something; it was amazing the difference.

You need someone in your life to help you push to the levels by the grace of God to become the person God died for you to become, so that you could demonstrate His love and His light and His holiness as a natural response to the life that comes at you. He's done His part. Now work out your salvation with fear and trembling.

Dave Druey: This is Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram and a message called, "The Power of Spiritual Training in the Transformation Process," part of our series, Free at Last: How to Break Out of a Destructive Lifestyle. Chip has more to share with us in a bit, so stay with us.

This whole series on breaking free is available on the Living on the Edge podcast, ready to go at your pace, whatever your schedule looks like. Want the full sermon with nothing cut out? Well, that's what you can find on the Chip Ingram sermon podcast. Both podcasts are available wherever you listen.

Knowing what forgiveness looks like and actually extending it are two different battles. Chip's book, *Yes, You Really Can Change*, was written for the second battle: the day-to-day work of letting go of what's been holding you back and stepping into the life God has called you to live. Right now, we're including a second copy with every order so you can read it alongside a friend, a family member, or someone in your life who needs it. Just look for Chip's book, *Yes, You Really Can Change*, online at livingontheedge.org/offers.

Somebody out there really needs to hear exactly what Chip taught today about forgiveness. The reason they can is because listeners like you choose to support us. Would you help make sure this teaching keeps reaching people with the transformative truth of God's Word? You can give a gift of any amount today by donating online at livingontheedge.org or by calling us at 888-333-6003. You can also mail your gift to Living on the Edge, PO Box 3007, Suwanee, Georgia 30024. Well, now here's Chip with some final thoughts for today.

Chip Ingram: Going into training is the key to lasting change. The Apostle Paul, after teaching us who we are in Christ and how to renew our mind, he says that personal integrity, emotional control, financial stewardship, positive speech, and private attitudes are the key to change from the inside out. Now here's the deal: you could just feel absolutely overwhelmed, like most of us do when you look at that list. God never dumps the truck. When you feel condemned, that's the enemy. The Spirit of God convicts.

That means He'll be very specific and He'll say, "For you, I want you to talk about going into training on integrity. You tell white lies." For others, integrity may be an issue, but you blow up with your anger or your passive-aggressive behavior. For some, I went into training on not being sarcastic. Out of your mouth, those little quips. So don't feel like you need to do everything. Stop right now and say, "Lord, You live within me by Your Holy Spirit. What's the first step You want me to take in terms of transformation?"

He'll show you. Sit quietly and don't try and get it all done, but go into training. When I taught this, I literally set up a gym in our worship center, and I went from the bench press to the curls. If you've ever worked out, if you go and try and do everything, all you do is get sore and you quit. You need to go into training on one thing, and here's what it requires: truth in your mind, trust in your heart, and teammates in your life. Somehow get the truth in your mind, whatever you do, whether you listen, read, or memorize, and then trust in your heart. You've got to verbalize and talk with people and someone to hold you accountable, and then you need a team of people, like we all do, to go into training. God wants and will change your life.

Dave Druey: Next time, the training continues as we learn to understand the power of focus. Be sure to listen next time to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Today's program is produced and sponsored by Living on the Edge.