Living on the Edge

Dave Druey: Is there a relationship in your life that's broken? Maybe it's an unresolved conflict with a family member, a former business partner, or someone at church. I'm Dave Druey, and today on Living on the Edge, Chip Ingram launches a powerful series called Choosing Love: A Daily Decision That Changes Everything. In today's message, Chip reveals why God's greatest joy is seeing his children love one another. If you're ready to transform your most important connections, this message is for you. Here's Chip Ingram with a message titled "Love Gives."

Chip Ingram: One of God's greatest joys is to see his children love each other. Isn't that amazing? The God of heaven, the God that created the stars, the God who made us, the God who sent God the Son to die in our place, one of his greatest joys is when we love one another. I know as a parent, isn't that true for those of you that are parents?

I had twin boys. Eric and Jason were five minutes apart. For the first 18 years of their life, they dressed the same, they had the same classes, the same room, the same everything. And did they fight. I mean, they fought to the point of being physical.

I'll never forget the time we came home from a little getaway for a couple days. We asked how everything went. They said things were great, but they were standing kind of funny against a wall. I didn't even notice it, and we had a great time. Years later, when the adult kids tell you what really happened, they said, "Oh, Dad, we couldn't believe you and Mom didn't even notice. Eric and Jason got in a fight, and Eric went to punch him, he ducked, and he put his fist through the wall. We patched it and painted it because we were so afraid you would find out."

I remember Theresa saying once, because she grew up with two sisters, "Do you think they'll ever love each other?" I told her this is kind of normal stuff. We have to set boundaries and discipline, but I just want you to get that God's heart breaks when we fight. It breaks his heart when we have feelings inside that are resentful and bitter, and when you have an unresolved relationship with another believer, another brother, another sister.

Maybe you did business with them. Maybe you were in a small group with them. Maybe it was in another church. I don't know, but I'm going to ask you to get your heart open. God wants to deal with it because it matters to God. It's not just because it brings him joy, but it's such a priority to him. If we could eavesdrop on the very last night when Jesus was praying in John 17, you read that prayer: "Father, Father, make them one even as we are one. You in me and I in you and us in them. Father, I pray that as I leave, you would cause there to be a supernatural unity in order that the world would know." That's a prayer that only you can answer in your home. Only I can answer in my relationships.

And not only does God the Father find joy when we love one another, and God the Son prays passionately and commands us to love one another and says the gospel's validity is based on whether the world sees us love each other, but the Apostle Paul commands it. In our study in Philippians chapter two, follow along. He says, "Now, if you experience of Christ, if there's any encouragement and love means anything to you, if you've known something of the fellowship of his Spirit and all that it means in kindness and deep sympathy, make my best hope for you, or my joy, come true. Live together in harmony. Live together in love, as though you had only one mind and one spirit before you."

Before you open those notes, I want you to think about whether there is any relationship where you don't have harmony, that's out of sorts. I'm pushing a little bit because we tend to push these down. It could have been two months ago, two years ago, or it could be 20 years ago. It could be an in-law situation or a brother or sister you haven't seen in 20 years. God wants to get a hold of our hearts and our lives, and Philippians chapter two is going to teach us how we can choose love and experience it.

As you open your notes, I want you to see the structure of this passage. First of all, there's a very clear context. There's conflict without and there's conflict within. The conflict without involved persecution, difficulty, and pressure. These Philippian Christians, just like Paul, were getting intimidated. They were getting persecuted. They were having struggles and conflicts from the pagan world and even from some Jewish false teachers. It is not a lot different than what we see happening more and more today. People are intimidating Christians, and people are becoming more afraid as believers to stand up and stand strong because of external pressure.

But in this particular church, there's conflict within. We'll learn more about it in chapter four when we meet a couple of ladies that apparently had a real conflict that was causing a rift throughout the whole church. You and I have both seen that happen in a small group, in a family, or in a Sunday school class.

And so then there's a very interesting command. I gave the words, "live in authentic, Christ-empowered unity." Now, the way he says it is, "make my joy complete." He said, "You've brought me great joy. You came to Christ. Remember, I was in that Philippian jail and we had fellowship, and you all came to know the Lord, and there's this tremendous movement happening in this church." He said, "So I've received joy. Now, make my joy complete."

Since Paul is now in Rome, some things have happened, like happens in lots of churches, families, and small groups. This person thinks it ought to be this way, and this person says no. You said this to my daughter, or this is how you treated my son. Every time you come, you think you're the hottest stuff. There it goes.

And so Paul says, "Make my joy complete." He says, "I want there to be authentic, Christ-empowered unity." In other words, he says, "I don't want just for you to put up with each other. I don't want it to be just superficial. From the heart, I want you to love one another, resolve the conflicts, forgive one another, and care for one another in a way that Christ has cared for you."

Look at this very interesting structure. The structure here, notice it says there's an "if-then." In Greek, there are what is called conditional clauses. We have them in English as well. But what I love about the Greek language is it's so clear. There are like three or four types of conditional clauses. So when it says "if-then," you know for sure what they're talking about. This is called a first-class condition, and the idea is it's assumed to be true.

So notice what he says. He goes, "If there's any encouragement in Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion." And you could translate all that: "Since you have encouragement in Christ, since you have comfort, since you have fellowship, since you have tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by, notice after these four incentives, being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose."

It's interesting here. He's going to tell us that unlike the Golden Rule, which is to do unto others as you would have them do unto you, his premise goes a little bit differently. I call it the Platinum Rule: Do unto others as God has already done unto you. In other words, the entire premise, what happens in conflicts and struggles in relationships, is we think just horizontal. They did that, and they don't deserve that. When she apologizes or when he does that, or when one of my kids comes back and really says, "Dad, I'm really sorry and I understood this or I understood that," or "what they said at that last Thanksgiving or that family reunion, I'll never talk to them again unless..." He says no.

He said, "Here's what I want you to get. The basis of loving people isn't how they've treated you, good or bad. The basis of our love is a choice. I choose love." And here's the basis of the choice. The basis of the choice is this is how God's loved you. He has encouraged you. He's come alongside you. He's forgiven you. He's been tender. You now have the fellowship. He has come to take up residence in you. He's sealed you with his Spirit. He's adopted you. He's given you spiritual gifts.

Tenderness and compassion. The word tenderness here is *splachna*. it has the idea it's rooted in the idea of something deep within the bowels. There's something tender deep in the character of God, that you are his treasure. And then the compassion is an outward, external evidence of an action that you so matter that he did something. And what he did was he chose to go to the cross. He chose to love you and me when we were his enemies. While we were yet enemies, Christ died in our place, Paul tells us in Romans 5:8.

And so the basis, the incentives, all four of these incentives, this is how you have been authentically, deeply, unconditionally loved. Now, make my joy complete and be unified authentically from the heart.

And now he's going to show us exactly what biblical unity looks like. Number one, he says, "be like-minded" or "of one spirit." Literally, it means think the same things. And the focus here is on truth.

Dave Druey: You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. We'll hear more from Chip in just a moment. If today's message is speaking to your heart, don't keep it to yourself. Share this teaching with someone who needs to hear it by visiting LivingOnTheEdge.org. While you're there, be sure to check out all of the other faith-building resources we have available, including teaching videos, blogs, and devotionals from Chip. It's all waiting for you at LivingOnTheEdge.org. Well, let's continue with Chip's message.

Chip Ingram: Genuine unity is built on truth. It's thinking, it's content, it's doctrine. These things are true. So often, and I see it more and more today, unity is sort of like, "Oh, let's just love everyone. Don't judge anyone." It's pseudo-unity. Who are we to say anything? Let's just let this slide. Real unity demands truth. It demands truth about what the Scripture says about morality. It demands truth about what the Scripture says about sexuality. It demands truth about doctrine when it talks about the very narrow way to go to heaven and by what Christ has done and him alone. He says unity is rooted in truth.

Second, he says, "maintaining the same love." It is not just about the truth. This phrase here is "have the same love." Mutually love one another the way God has loved you, honestly and sacrificially. We talk a lot about Romans 12 here as the profile of what it is to be a disciple. And in Romans chapter 12, there's a section in the middle about loving one another, and it says "outdo one another in honor, be devoted to one another in brotherly love." This is the idea. This isn't like some, "Yes, well, she's not as spiritual as I am and I guess they made a mistake and so I'll treat them and I'll forgive them because I am superior." He said no, this has got to come from the heart. Biblical unity has to do with a genuine spiritual transformation that flows from an internal passion and concern that God gives you because you have received it, now you give it.

Third, notice it has the idea of united in spirit. Literally, the phrase is "like-souled." It means to have a common heart. Not just that you care, but a common heart that you're real, that you're authentic. No superficiality.

And then the last one here is intent on one purpose. It's a unity that you say, "We're in it together. We're going to resolve our issues. What God has done for me, I'm commanded to pass on to you. Paul, we're going to make your joy complete. And here's how we're going to do it. We're going to be one mind in truth. We're going to be one heart to care for one another. We're going to have one soul, we're going to connect, and we have a common purpose: the gospel going forward. People being loved, the poor being fed, people with HIV knowing someone cares, the people that are struggling with sexual identity issues know there's a church somewhere that cares, that wants to help, that doesn't condemn, that doesn't bend on the truth, but actually wants to help people that are marginalized and struggling." This is what he's talking about.

And it's that kind of love that turned the world upside down and continues to turn the world upside down, family by family, small group by small group, church by church, community by community. God has called this church at this time, when it appears that the world is falling apart and that America is so divided, God is calling you and he's calling me. Make my joy complete, my children. I want you to choose to love. And when you cross your arms and say, "Not after what they've done to me," or "I think those people are crazy and why are those people doing this and why are they tweeting that and I'm so ticked off."

Can you imagine honestly? I mean, honestly, can you imagine the God of heaven looking down upon the creation that he's made and then looking closely at his people, the church? I don't mean buildings, but people within whom the Spirit of God is living. You talk about someone that ought to be ticked off. And yet he's patient and kind and gracious, and he's saying to you and he's saying to me, "This is a priority. This is a non-negotiable. I'm commanding you to choose to love one another." Not the Golden Rule, the Platinum Rule. "I want you to love other people the way that I've loved you."

Now, I hope at this point you're saying, "Okay, I get it." And those of you that are a little more honest with yourself could be saying, "I can't do that." And you know what? You'd be right. I can't either. In fact, God doesn't expect you to be able to do it, but he's going to tell us exactly how.

So I want you to go back to that former business associate, that ex-mate, a dad, a mom, a son, a nephew. And then I want to open the text, and what we're going to learn from God's Word, if you're willing, is that we can choose love and we can learn how to be a more loving person. Now, there's no magic pill. If you think that in the next minutes or so, I'm going to give you some magic pill and, "Oh, I'm loving, I'm loving, I love everybody," no. We're going to face some hard things because what we're going to learn is why we're unloving, the drastic approach and what we're going to have to deal with in order to become loving. And then we're going to start this journey of choosing love, and I'm going to share some real practical ways where we can actually go on a journey empowered by the Spirit of God and become more loving.

Notice the right side of your notes and it just asks this question, and we're going to answer it in just a minute. And the question is: how to become a more loving person? Choose to declare war on, write the word, selfishness. Choose to declare war on selfishness. And as usual, when I go high-tech here, my iPad is not working, so I think I'll go with the little bit less technical one that you all have. Turn to Philippians chapter two, if you're not already there, and let me read for you this command.

Philippians chapter two, we've looked at verses one and two. Follow along here in chapter two as we read verses three and four: "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but in humility of mind consider others more important than yourself. Let each of you look not only on your own interest, but also on the interests of others."

You may be looking at this and saying, "Declare war? Aren't you getting a little radical here?" No. We're born with this innate ability to be selfish. In fact, let me define selfish ambition here, four words: I want my way. That's selfish ambition. I want my way. It's a me-first mentality. I want to be number one. I'm selfish. Now, it's very unpopular to admit that. But what is hard to see in ourselves, isn't it easy to see in others? I mean, you get out on the freeway, are people selfish or what? But you don't slide out of being selfish. Even though the living Spirit of Christ lives inside of you and you're born again and you're part of the Kingdom of God, there's this battle. Galatians talks about the Spirit wages war against the flesh. This predisposition toward my way, my stuff, is rooted in your heart, and you'll have it until the day you die. But the Spirit of God can give you the ability to, in humility... look at the second half of that text. In humility, consider others as more important than yourself. Humility can be a very misunderstood word. So I came across a very interesting article. I think of humility as not thinking too highly of yourself, not thinking too lowly of yourself, but having an accurate, sober self-assessment. As one person said, humility is not thinking less of yourself. Humility is just thinking less about yourself.

Dave Druey: This is Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram, and we've just begun a powerful series called Choosing Love. Chip will be back with more on this in just a moment. If you're serious about transforming your relationships, you need to get your hands on Chip's newest book, I Choose Love. Here's the key insight: Love isn't something that just happens to you. It's something you can choose to experience every single day. In I Choose Love, you'll discover essential practices that revitalize connections, resolve conflict peacefully, and help you build a lasting legacy of love in your family and relationships. Order your copy of I Choose Love today at LivingOnTheEdge.org.

And you know this Bible teaching ministry has truly reached the masses with solid, gospel-centered messages. Last year alone, this daily program has been listened to more than 100 million times. And friend, when you give to Living on the Edge, you're keeping that work going, helping people around the world discover what it means to truly love like Christ. Would you join us today? Give online at LivingOnTheEdge.org, on your mobile app, just click on the heart icon and follow the simple instructions. You can also call us right now at 888-333-6003 or send your gift in the mail to Living on the Edge, PO Box 3007, Atlanta, Georgia 30304. Also check out our new feature on the Living on the Edge podcast. We call it the Chip Ingram Sermon Podcast, presenting each of Chip's sermons unedited from beginning to end. You'll find these episodes alongside our regular broadcasts on your podcast app. Just search for Living on the Edge. Well, now here's Chip.

Chip Ingram: As we wrap up today's program, I don't know if you caught it, but there was a little phrase that we tend to think and actually act horizontally. In other words, in relationships, we tend to think, "Well, she did that," or "he did that," or "they really ought to do that." And if you've ever sat at a coffee shop and not really tried to listen to other people's conversations but just happen to catch what they're saying, you might observe that the great majority of conversations in coffee shops are two people talking about someone else. It's really interesting how we find some kind of perverted pleasure in talking about what some other political party ought to do, or what the government ought to do, or what someone at work did, or talking about my husband or my wife or one of my kids in not-such-good terms.

And the Platinum Rule that we talked about is doing unto others as God has already done unto you. I mean, we know the Golden Rule. We know the joy that happens when we treat others the way we want to be treated. But I think sometimes we say, "Yes, I want to do that, but I don't have the power, or I don't have the will, I don't have the motivation." And as this chapter of Philippians two opened up, what we really heard was, "If there's been any encouragement in Christ, if any comfort in his love..." and we learned that that little word "if" really means "since." Since God has loved you, since he's changed you, since he's poured out all that you need, so take what he's given to you and pass it on to others. Could I encourage you today to think of one person that you have a little bit of a problem with? And then I want you to ponder the Platinum Rule. And I want you to say, "Oh Lord, since you've accepted me and you've loved me and you've helped me, I'm going to choose to have an act of kindness toward this person." It might be a note, it might be a text, you might pick them up coffee and drop it off at work. But do something kind for someone that you struggle with. Watch what happens in them, and then watch what happens in you.

Dave Druey: I'm Dave Druey, inviting you to come back tomorrow as we continue our series about choosing love, right here on Living on the Edge. Today's program is produced and sponsored by Living on the Edge.