Living on the Edge

Chip Ingram: Is there someone in your life that has hurt you or someone that you loved and you just can't get past it? When you're honest, you're bitter, you're resentful, and you just don't know how to get unstuck. If so, today is the day. Hang with me. You're going to get answers to that issue.

Dave Druey: Welcome to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Today Chip takes us to two of the most demanding passages in all of scripture. First to Jesus in the sermon on the mount where he commands us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. And then to the Apostle Paul in Romans chapter 12, where that command gets spelled out in the most practical, specific terms imaginable.

It's a challenging but liberating message titled, "How to Overcome the Evil Aimed at You," and it's part of our series God's Dream for Your Life.

Chip Ingram: As we get started, I want to ask you to go to a place that you may not realize you want to go, but I'll tell you in advance it will be worth it. I'd like you to lean back just a little bit, be reflective, and I want you to answer this question in your mind. Feel free to even close your eyes for just a moment if it's helpful.

Of all the people in your life to date that you would say have hurt you the most, who comes to your mind? Who's wounded you? Who sexually or physically abused you when you were younger? Who's been ungrateful and humiliated you? Who's betrayed you? Have you got it?

I want you to follow along and I want to read to you what I think are the most radical words that have ever come out of any person's mouth that has walked on the earth. They're familiar to some of you, which is unfortunate because they lose their power. Matthew chapter 5 in the Sermon on the Mount: "You have heard it said love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you."

What's it look like practically to love your enemies? Open your Bibles if you would to Romans chapter 12. He begins to clearly tell us how to respond to the evil aimed at us in verse 14. In verses 14 to 16, he's going to give us a positive command. This is how you respond to that person that came to your mind that I started this message with and asked you to think about.

He's going to say, "Here's how you respond to that person." Now I'm going to warn you, it's going to sound ridiculous and impossible. "Bless those who persecute you, bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited."

He's going to say you need to bless them and that's how. Then he gives a negative command. When our enemies and people have hurt us, there's a temptation, and he's going to hit it right between our eyes. Verse 17: "Do not repay evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live or be at peace with all men. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written, it is mine to avenge, I will repay, says the Lord."

On the contrary, here's how you're to treat that person that is in your mind. "If your enemy is hungry, feed him. If she's thirsty, give her a drink. In so doing you will heap burning coals upon their head." That doesn't mean God will blow their brains out. We'll learn a little bit what that really means.

And then there's a supernatural result. There's this thing that when you act the way Jesus acted toward his enemies because Jesus lives in you by his spirit, and you do it in the power of his word and authentic community, he says, "Do not be overcome by evil, and it's an evil world." But he says there's something more powerful than evil: "Overcome evil with good."

What I want to do in the remainder of our time is I want to break down very specifically and practically what it looks like to bless those who persecute you. That's the first and positive command. And the command is this: bless them that persecute you. That's what you're called to do.

In verses 14, 15, and 16, he's going to give you three specific ways to bless them. The word "bless," by the way, this is not like someone sneezes and you go "Oh, bless you." This is not that. This word literally means to desire the salvation of another person. It means to desire and long for God's blessing and favor to be upon them.

For that enemy, it is for their life to actually work out well. If they're married, their marriage would get deeper. If they're a parent, their kids would do well. If they have a job, they would... it's blessing. That's what you're praying.

There are three components here. The first component of blessing others is forgiving them. This is hard: forgiving them. If you're to pray for them, and blessing is for their salvation, if you want God to forgive them, guess what? You have to forgive them. In that section we call the Lord's Prayer, it says: "Forgive us our sins just as we forgive others."

The premise is going to be—and this is the key to loving your enemies—you and I have to come to the point where we really grasp how merciful God is, and that he has not given us what we deserve. There's part of it where it's a dark place you need to go and you kind of need to look at your motives and some things that you've done and some stuff that you have begged God: "Oh God, please, please don't let me get the consequences of that one. Oh God, pick me up and cleanse me."

And he has. And then what he's going to say is: "I want you to do for that person what I've done for you." Forgiveness has three phases. Jot these down, please.

Phase number one is a choice to forgive. It is not emotional. It has nothing to do with your feelings. It is a choice. The second thing is the forgiving process. So you forgive and then it's forgiving. That's a journey. That journey is where your emotions catch up with the choice that you've made.

You can forgive and you do that and the word means to release or to loose. In other words, I'm going to take back my desire for them to get paid back and I'm going to release them from that like God has released it. I'm not going to say anything negative about them, I'm not going to wish negative for them anymore, I'm going to release them to God and I'm going to forgive them the way God's forgiven me, freely.

There's poison in your soul when there's bitterness and you've been wounded. As someone wisely said, when we refuse to forgive, it's like we drink poison and think the other person's going to die. I'd like to make a comment because I think there's a lot of confusion about forgiveness and emotions and not feeling like you've forgiven them.

Forgive is a choice and then you bless them, you pray for them. We're going to learn in a minute you not only pray for them, but you start doing good things for your actual enemies. If they're hungry, you feed them. If they're thirsty, there are specific ways that you do good things for people who don't deserve it.

But I'd like if you would think about Jesus in the garden. He died to forgive you and to forgive me. Sometimes we make this into "Jesus loves me this I know." Can I let you in on a little secret? He didn't feel like forgiving you. Did you ever think of that?

He's in the garden, he's sweating drops from the stress like blood coming out of his pores. He's fully God, but he's fully man. He didn't die with some "S" on his chest like he was going through the motions. As a man, he could die, but as God the Son, he knew that when he was going to get on that cross, your sin and my sin and the sin of all people of all time would be placed upon him.

He became our sin offering. When the moment sin came upon him, the Father would turn away and for the first time in eternity, the Father and the Son would be separated and he would experience that isolation and the price of sin. Do you remember what he prayed? "Father, let this cup pass." He was saying, "I don't want to do this. I don't feel like doing this."

Forgiving and loving isn't doing what you feel like, it's choosing to give another person what they need the most when they deserve it the least at great personal cost. When God says to forgive this person, all we're doing is stepping in the same path of Jesus. We're doing for this person what they don't deserve—of course not. Neither did I, neither did you.

Dave Druey: You're listening to Living on the Edge and Chip Ingram will continue today's program in just a minute. Today's message is part of Chip's series God's Dream for Your Life and you can hear it anytime at livingontheedge.org.

Whether you want to revisit what you've heard today or pass it along to a friend, this message and hundreds more are available online. You'll also find small group resources from this series and opportunities to help you live out God's dream for your life. It's all there at livingontheedge.org. Now here's Chip.

Chip Ingram: The process of forgiveness is a choice. Second, forgive, forgiving is a process. And then forgiven—it's done. Here's how you know when it's done: you can spontaneously rejoice at blessing in their life.

Some of you are going to get out of prison today. Some of you have been pushing this down and that's why you're depressed. Some of you eat when you're not hungry because you've been pushing this stuff down. Some of you have ulcers and migraines and there's lots of physical causes, but a big part of why our bodies don't work very well and why we do stuff that doesn't make sense and why we have "sanctified" addictions and not-so-sanctified addictions is rooted in this lack of forgiveness and being unwilling to release these people. You can start that today.

The final thing he says in verses 14, 15, and 16, he talks about identification. It's not just where you mentally are doing this. This gets from hard to crazy hard. He says, "Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep."

Christians, we usually quote that and we think it's how we're supposed to treat one another. You don't need any commands to rejoice with people that you love. You don't need any commands to weep with people that you love that have cancer. The context here is this is how we bless or treat our enemies.

Think about your boss who ripped you off, who did terrible things to you, or your mate that walked out on you and married some little hottie, male or female, and now they're on the beach while you don't have any money. Is this real stuff or not? Right?

Then they get cancer or they're in an auto accident. Do you know what this says? You rejoice with those who rejoice, you weep with those who weep. What would happen if you walked in that hospital room? If you said, "I know it's been five years. You can't believe how much I've prayed for you."

You don't have to tell them why. "I want you to know that I have forgiven you for what you've done, but when I heard about this cancer I felt compelled by God to come tell you that Jesus really loves you and I would love... would you allow me to pray for you right now?"

Can you imagine them scratching their head? Or when something good happens to them, rejoicing with them. Maybe they remarry and they've burnt you, but they have a baby, something happens and you've completely forgiven them and you're praying for blessing.

What if you jotted a note and said, "I praise God. I've been praying for your family for two years and it's exciting to see this blessing in your life." For some, because here's the disclaimer, if you were sexually abused or this person hurt you or did something, there's some people you can't get involved with, but you could send them an anonymous gift.

Here is what it does: it changes you. Before you keep looking at me like this is the craziest stuff you've ever heard, isn't this what Jesus did? Didn't Jesus come to a planet and those who were his own did not receive him but rejected him? We are his enemies. Paul would call us while we were still his enemies, Christ died for us, Romans 5:8.

While we were his enemies, what did he do? He went to weddings and rejoiced with us. He raised little kids from the dead. If you're hungry, why don't we just feed everybody right here? With Lazarus, what did he do? He wept.

Jesus wasn't playing. He didn't say, "When you clean up your act and when everything gets okay, then I will love you." He rejoiced with those who were rejoicing and he wept because it is the kindness of God that leads to repentance.

This is so counterintuitive. This is so bizarre. When you by his power and his grace choose to do this, something happens and the grace of God works through you in ways where people start to believe maybe this Jesus is real.

It begins with forgiveness and then there's identification. Notice the very last part, verse 16. He says there's an association that you need to be very careful. He says, "Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud but be willing," circle that word associate, "with people of low position."

And then as though... "Do not be conceited." In a fallen world with evil people, especially those that don't know Christ and are very antagonistic, the Apostle Paul's saying we need to be people that don't just cling to our rights. In the fray of life, it's a selfish, dog-eat-dog, manipulative world. Welcome to the NFL. How does a Christian live that out? If possible, he says, live in harmony with one another.

When you're blessing your enemies, if you're not careful it can be like, "I'm going to do this. I'm going to jot a card. I'm going to visit them in the hospital. I'm going to pray for them every day. You know what? I'm sort of this wonderful, spiritual, amazing person loving this scumbag of the world who walked out on me."

That's the opposite of "do not be conceited." This is hard for some of us on a given day. The very thing that that person did to you in a moment of weakness and under pressure, you could do that to someone else.

We come not as the superiors. We come associating with, connecting with our humanity, people of low position. We're not conceited, but it's with humility that we bless them with a sense of "but for the grace of God, I would be doing those things to others."

Doesn't this really just sound like Jesus? Isn't there like a trail being blazed that we're to follow? That's the positive side: bless those who persecute you. They are after you. The second command is a negative one: don't take your own revenge.

Verses 17 through 20: don't take your own revenge. It's just a command: do not repay evil for evil. In a fallen world, he says, "Be careful." Circle that word. It literally is "take thought." New American Standard says "respect what is right in the sight of all men."

If possible, as far as it depends on you, live with peace with everyone. And then he goes on to say, "Wait a second, don't take your own revenge, but leave room for God's wrath." He's the one who is going to be the judge. He's going to mete out justice.

Personal retaliation is a prohibited response for God's people. Personal retaliation. In other words, they did evil to you, you get them back. They did evil to you, you get them back. They did this to you, you say bad things about them.

If you're a Christian and you have some experience, you can do it in such passive-aggressive ways. You add a verse to it, throw in that it's a prayer request. It works, believe me. You just go left-handed like this and you whack them because your real goal is revenge. It's payback.

You use your power, use your intellect, use your relationships, use nuances. You go like this: "One more drink of poison, please. It's going to kill him sooner or later." But it doesn't.

Never payback evil for evil. Instead, take thought and consider how people think. Respect and realize that they don't have your values. They are not going to act the same way, so the field is not level. They're really focused on them.

Sometimes I hear Christians get all upset about non-Christians living like non-Christians. "That guy's really greedy." "She's so sexually immoral." "I can't believe that he just drained the whole company and all the employees."

What were we like before Jesus was controlling the interior of our life? Take thought for how people think. It will help you live in harmony with them. Personal retaliation is prohibited for two very important reasons.

One, it usurps God's role as judge. "Vengeance is mine." God says, "Look, I'm just. Yes, I'm holy, I'm compassionate, I'm slow to anger, but I'm just." The word "justice" is rooted in a concept of retribution.

Retribution is simply this: when you do evil stuff, evil consequences. When you do good stuff, reward. Every man will get what they deserve. You just need to say, "I need to take the ball of judgment, hand it to God, and say, 'I'm tired of trying to figure out all the ways in my anger fantasies and different ways to get back at my boss or my ex or one of my kids or the person who abused me.'"

I'm going to put that ball in your hands from now throughout eternity and I'm going to trust that since you are just, you will do what's right. I will never get a raw deal. But I'm stepping out. You own it, God. I release it to you. You're fair. You're just. And either on this side of heaven or on this side after death, the scales will be absolutely and perfectly balanced.

You can release that wound and that hurt and your desire for payback because he knows all things. He knows all the whys. He knows all the circumstances and you don't. You can give that to him.

But there's a lot of us, if you demand to be the judge, then God doesn't get to be the judge. And when you judge people and you decide you're going to pay them back, you reap what you sow.

Dave Druey: Today Chip walked us through what it actually looks like to bless those who persecute you: forgiving them, identifying with them, and refusing to take revenge into your own hands. None of it is easy. All of it is possible.

And it's central to God's dream for your life. Chip will continue this pivotal lesson when we return tomorrow. And if today's message hit close to home, you can listen again or share it with someone who needs it at livingontheedge.org. You'll also find small group resources from this series designed to help you and the people around you go deeper together.

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Don't miss the Chip Ingram sermon podcast, a new feature on the Living on the Edge podcast. Every sermon, complete and unedited, is now available alongside our daily broadcasts. Subscribe to the Living on the Edge podcast today. Now here's Chip with some final thoughts.

Chip Ingram: As we wrap up today's program, I understand it is really, really heavy and some of you right now are kind of putting up those emotional walls and you don't want to go there. The idea of forgiving someone, even though your intellect says it's biblical and right and you ought to do it, your emotions are going, "No, no, I'm not going to take them off the hook."

I wish we could have a cup of coffee. I wish I could just lean forward right now, look you in the eye and say, "Look, man, this is killing you. And that other person, they're sleeping like a baby. Their life's going fine. You freely received God's forgiveness. Why don't you take this mess and everything you want to see happen to this person and why don't you just say, 'You know what God, I bet you can handle this better than me.'

I'm going to do it right now. I'm going to release my desire for vengeance, I'm going to release my desire for them getting paid back by me. Lord, I'm going to give that to you and I'm going to choose to do something that makes no sense. Today I'm going to write in my Bible or in my journal: I forgave and put their name there and put the date today."

It was a choice and then you're going to start the journey of blessing them. You're going to pray God's blessing and if appropriate, only if appropriate, in some way you will do something good for them. You may need to do it anonymously because of the relationship. But you're going to forgive, you're going to pray, and then you're going to act and you will be set free.

Dave Druey: What do you do when someone makes your life miserable and there's no escape? When the anger builds and the bitterness takes root? Well, there's a way through it and tomorrow Chip Ingram explores the surprising freedom that comes from loving your enemies. I'm Dave Druey, join us tomorrow right here on Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.

Today's program is produced and sponsored by Living on the Edge.