Living on the Edge

Dave Droubie: Today on Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.

Chip Ingram: Have you ever known someone with the ability to bring out the very best in others? You know those kind of people that motivate us to soar beyond our abilities and to accomplish things we never dreamed we could. Would you like to be that kind of person? If so, stay with us.

Dave Droubie: I'm Dave Droubie and this is Living e on the Edge with Chip Ingram. So far in our series called Building Authentic Community, we've talked about loving people who are hurting, doubting, or drifting. Today Chip shows us how to go even further, how to actually bring out the very best in the people God's placed in your life. Chip is unpacking two of the four keys the Apostle Paul used to inspire an entire church to become who God made them to be. So if you have your Bible handy, go ahead and open it now to 1 Thessalonians chapter 4.

Now here's Chip with today's message titled How to Bring Out the Very Best in Others.

Chip Ingram: You know every now and then you find yourself in a situation where you need to be of help to someone. You need to inspire them. You need to bring out the very best in them. But it's hard. Feel stuck. Not sure exactly how to go about it. We're going to learn that everyone needs someone at some time to give them something in order to become the someone they long to become. Sounds like a tongue twister, doesn't it? It really is. And this morning we are going to learn from scripture how you can be that person in someone else's life.

You can bring out the best. And when they get in their 30s and 40s and 50s, they'll look back and it'll be your face. It'll be your voice. It'll be the things you said and the things that you did and they'll say because of you my life is different. And if you want to learn how to do that, the Apostle Paul models it for us in 1 Thessalonians 4 1 to 12. We're going to learn that there's four keys to inspiring others, to bringing out the best in their life. The first one is you got to motivate them.

You got to help them soar beyond their present horizon. Secondly, you have to teach them. And we're going to learn you have to teach them in the most strategic arena of their life. Third, then you have to affirm them. And you have to affirm them in the areas where they're the making the most progress. And then finally you have to correct them. Whenever their attitudes or their actions are thwarting the progress that God wants them to make. And you're going to see here the Apostle Paul with I mean supernatural divine wisdom takes this church in the center of a pagan pagan culture.

And they've been growing for about 18 months, maybe two years. And he writes this letter and he's going to take people that are really making progress and he's going to take them to the next level because he's going to model inspirational encouragement. As he motivates them, here's what he does. You might want to jot this down in your notes if you have a pen. Motivate them to soar beyond their present horizons. That's what motivation is. Motivation isn't hype, not good motivation. Motivation is helping someone soar beyond their present horizon. So many of us can only see here motivation helps you see who you could really become and what you could really accomplish.

Under that you might jot down the first key is to appeal to the highest level of meaning and purpose. The problem with a lot of motivation, it's too cheap, it's too short, it's too meaningless. I mean motivate people to get wealthy, motivate people to just be successful, motivate people to be the best ball player, the best dancer, the best musician. Why? Well, so they can earn a lot of money. Why? So they can be reaching famous. Why? So they can move to Southern California. Why? So they can be in Hollywood. Why? So they can be depressed, divorced, and messed up.

No, listen to the Apostle Paul verse 1. He says finally, brothers, we instructed or you received our teaching about how to live in order to please God. See, he appeals to the various highest level of meaning and purpose. He says I don't want to motivate you to some small time temporal achievement. He says do you remember our instructions? You have the potential to please the living God of the universe. Now that's up there pretty high. Notice he goes on. As in fact, you are now living. See, not only do you appeal to the highest level of meaning and purpose, but secondly, you do it positively.

You know, is he saying they're perfect? No way. He's saying this is where you were. You've trusted Christ, you're making progress, and your lives right now are pleasing God. Can you imagine how motivating it would be to get that kind of word from someone like the Apostle Paul? Or can you imagine how motivating it would be for some kid or some person or some friend to hear from you that they're really pleasing God? But he goes on. He teaches them that beyond that that when you motivate someone, it's not just appealing to the highest level of meaning and purpose and it's not just doing it positively.

He's going to do it as a fellow traveler and remind them that this whole journey of growth is a process. Look what he says. He says now we ask you and the term means from one equal to another. He so he's a fellow journeyman, a believer in this trek we call life. He says now we ask you and we urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more. He says you're pleasing God already. You're making great progress, but he says excel more. What's the message? The message is is the horizon is always moving.

You never arrive. You make progress. And then notice what's the goal of his motivation? It's not his agenda. It's not even their agenda. Look at verse 2. Verse 2 says for you know what instructions. This is a different word than the earlier word. This is command or order. For you know what orders or instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. Do you see what he's saying? You motivate people to fulfill God's agenda. There's a lot of wealthy, successful people that really aren't experiencing all what God wants for their life. And there's some wealthy, successful people that are experiencing all of what God wants for them.

The issue when you motivate another person is appeal to the highest level of meaning and purpose and that's to please God. And so the goal is not so they fulfill their agenda, not so they fulfill your agenda. What is it? They fulfill God's agenda, his will. And that's the first step. Motivation's not enough though. Motivation without education is what is hype. It's just blowing smoke. Ah, you can do it. It'll be great. I can see it. No, no, no, no. You got to raise the level and then you have to give instruction and teaching so they can fulfill God's agenda.

Teach them in the most strategic area of their life. The idea, teach them when you want to help someone, you there's a million things in scripture to teach them. You can't teach them everything. Teach them the most strategic area in their life that will produce life change. Now I don't know about you, but if someone did a good inventory of my life, I got 10, 12, 15 areas that need improvement. I can't work on all of them. If I would go to a mentor who would love me and care for me, a wise mentor would say, Chip, there's 10 or 12 areas that really need some work.

But as I've prayed and pondered, this one is the key. Five or six of them all revolve around your inability to trust God in this area. That's what we're going to work on for the next six months. And when that happens, then monumental growth would occur. Apostle Paul is going to do that. He's writing to a group of people that are in a incredibly secular. I mean really secular world. Now it is a place where sexual purity is unheard of, where the holiness of God is denied. So guess where the Apostle Paul What's the most strategic area to teach them in?

He's going to teach them God's not a prude. He's going to teach them that God is holy, God is loving, God is compassionate, and God is good. And he's going to teach them that your present sexual practice is separating you from God. There's a huge price tag that you're paying. It's unworthy of your calling and your life is not a testimony to the world. And so he's going to teach him three ways. Let me give you the first one. First, he's going to explain clearly what God's will is. We instruct people to fulfill God agenda.

Doesn't it make sense? Tell him what his will is, not your will, not the church's will, not an organization's will, not the denomination's will, not what your grandfather believed. What is the will of God? Well, where do you find the will of God? It's in the word. So notice what he says verse 3. For it is God's will that you should be sanctified. The word means set apart, be holy, pure, undefiled. And then he elaborates and namely that you should avoid or abstain sexual immorality. He says let me tell you the will of God. You guys are doing great.

You're growing. You've come into this absolutely secular, sex-saturated world. And he says to him, hey, this is the will of God. And the will of God is that you be sexually pure. Now that's what the Bible teaches. And you say, well, that sounds pretty prudish to me.

Dave Droubie: You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. And we'll pick the message back up in just a moment. Quick question. Is Chip's teaching already on your phone? The Chip Ingram app puts his messages, video teachings, and daily encouragement right in your pocket. So you're never more than a tap away from something like what you're hearing right now. It's completely free and it only takes a minute to download wherever you get your apps. Okay, now let's get back to today's message.

Chip Ingram: Of course, let's do a little cost-benefit analysis. Wonder what life was like when this was a moral fabric of our culture. Uh, the divorce rate was minuscule. We didn't have AIDS then. Genital herpes was a rare commodity. Families weren't fractured. People weren't paying financially for paternity suits. We didn't have the great majority of people going into marriage with psychological and emotional scars. We hadn't done the research and we didn't know that people that are promiscuous before they're married have less satisfying sex lives after they're married. See, we didn't have a lot of the junk and the price tag that we have now.

But see, God knew. And so once you explain God's will to them, that's verse 3. Now notice in verses 4 and 5 when you want to explain God's will, I think here's here's what he does. Tell it like it is with conviction. He's going to expand on this. Tell it like it is with conviction. We have a lot of people that when it gets down to some sensitive subjects, we kind of waffle. Well, you know, I'm not really sure what Bible says about I'm real sure what the Bible says. I may not like it. And it may be hard, but I mean this is not one of those I wonder what God really thinks about sex.

You know what every college person always ask you at a conference? I want to know the will of God. We Can you tell me what the will of God for my life? So here's one of the passages I always turn to. Sure, it says right here, the will of God for your life is you be sexually pure. Makes those conversations pretty short, you know. Notice now though how to say it. When you communicate and you want to inspire people, there's a balance in verses 3 to 5. You tell it like it is with conviction. But lest you get too uptight in verses 6 through 8, you tell it why it is with compassion.

And what we're going to see is See, Paul's not down on these people. That they they're they're in a culture much like ours. And he wants them to hear the truth, but he wants to hear it in grace. So 3 through 5 is the truth, 6 through 8 he gives some grace. So let's look at it. Verse 4 he says what's this sexual immorality? What's it look like? It's that each of you should learn The word means to habitually learn and make a practice in your life, learn to control his own body or a vessel in a way that is holy and honorable.

He states it positively. He said every single believer in Thessalonica and around the world, you should learn to get a hold of this human body and that you should operate in such a way in the sexual arena that it is holy and that is honorable. That means every thought that goes through your head, whether you're at the beach, which may not be a good place to keep those good thoughts from going through your head, or whether you're in a movie or whether you're in the office, is the thoughts that are in your head are pure, holy, and honorable.

It means that every relationship with the opposite sex is one where you don't feel guilty, you don't feel ashamed, you don't feel bad, you don't feel like you're violating it. You know you could stand before God and know that whether you're married or single that my relationships with the opposite sex are holy and honorable. Notice the negative side. He goes on to say not, by contrast, in passionate lust like the heathen who do not know God. And so he tells it like it is and he tells it with conviction. Why? Because God's a prude, because we're pure and because we haven't come out of the ice age.

No, it's because God cares so much. And verses 6 through 8 he's going to give us three specific reasons why this is the smartest, most logical, beneficial thing for you and all the people you're trying to help. In verse 6 he's going to teach us that why is because it harms others. Sexual purity is crucial because when we're immoral it harms others. In verse 7 he's going to say it's going to harm you. End of 7 he's going to say it's inconsistent with your high calling. So let's look at it. Reason number one, he says look, compassionately.

Now the tone changes. He says don't have sex outside of a monogamous marital relationship because one, it harms other people. Verse 6 and in this matter What matter? In the matter of sexual purity, no one should wrong. It means trespass, sin against his brother or take advantage of him. That means defraud. See, Paul had this holistic view about life unlike us. He had this picture that okay, there's all these men, there's all these women. If I get involved in immorality or you get involved in immorality and you sleep with this person, that person, this person, that person, and that person, and they sleep with this person, that person, and that person, the day's going to come when they marry someone.

And when they marry that someone, God's plan because sex is holy and sacred and he's actually for it. Don't let this out. He invented it. And he invented it for pleasure, procreation, and the joy of his children. It 's not dirty, it's not evil, it's not bad. God's really pro sex. But when you have it with other people, then the person who shows up at wedding night with someone else that you've had sex with is a used commodity. You've defrauded your brother. You've defrauded your sister. I want to tell you God demands sexual purity because he cares so much about other people that you and me don't have the right to mess up the special time.

I've never yet in counseling all the couples over many many years, I have yet to have one single couple say, oh, Chip, Chip, we went on our honeymoon. I just can't believe it. We both saved ourselves and we just couldn't figure out how it worked. But I'll tell you what. I've talked with people coming home from their honeymoon and they've told me privately I had the faces of different people in my mind. I know this was supposed to be a special day and instead I felt cheap and I felt dirty and I felt bad and I thought this was going to be so great.

And I love this man with all my heart, but sex isn't a good thing. See, God is not a prude. God is holy. And when he tells you something, he tells you because you matter to him and he doesn't want us to spoil it. Second reason is not only does it harm others, but notice the next line, it will harm us. He goes on to say the Lord will punish. The word is He's an avenger. The Lord will avenge or punish men for all such sins as we've already told you and we've warned you. He's saying it compassionately.

Don't have sex outside of monogamous heterosexual relationship because there's a price tag. I'm just telling you. God is holy. He's not going to change his character. He loves you. He will forgive you. He's merciful. But people that have sex get AIDS. They get psychologically wounded. They damage future relationships. They ruin families. You know what? It's like gravity. You don't have to believe this. But once you jump off that fifth story building, the pain when you hit the pavement is about the same whether you believe in it or not. God is a holy just God and this command is to protect you.

Notice the third compassionate reason verse 7 for God did not call us to be impure, but to live holy lives. He says it's just inconsistent. God is holy. How can you live an impure, unholy life because you're called, you're one of his. He wants you to reflect his love and his nature and his character. It would just be I mean how could you do it? It's so inconsistent with your calling. And then notice verse 8, the summary. Says therefore, he who rejects this instruction What instruction? About sexual purity. It's a rejection of God who notice present tense gives you his Holy Spirit.

And I'm sure Paul wasn't trying to change his theology as though you got the Holy Spirit in installments, present tense continually. When you trust Christ, you're sealed with the Spirit, adopted to become in his family. You you are his. But this giving of the Holy Spirit, I think he's talking about experientially. You know what? When we sin against God, we grieve, we break God's heart. And in years and years and years of working with men and working with couples, my observation is until you and I get the area of sexual purity consistently making progress and victory, you will not experience the peace of the Holy Spirit.

And you will not experience the power of the Holy Spirit and you will not experience spiritual fruitfulness. We had a guy in our church talk about three years as a growing Christian hooked on pornography, hating himself, feeling condemned, feeling torn inside, just struggling. And he said, you know, I knew Christ. And a half hour later he's got a zeal to share his faith and he said, I felt like such a hypocrite trying to tell people about Christ after the trash that I just watched. There's a lot of people that aren't tasting and not experiencing a fraction of what God has for you.

And I understand you're living in a sex-saturated culture. I understand. Is it tough? Yeah. I mean I used them all. I tried to negotiate at least one of the 10 commandments out in my first two years as Christian. I did Hey God, you know, I got 9 for 10. Really? I I'll keep the other nine. No negotiations. He loved me too much.

Dave Droubie: You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram and a message titled How to Bring Out the Very Best in Others. We're in a series called Building Authentic Community. And if you missed any part so far or if you want to share these Bible lessons with someone you know, be sure to visit our website livingontheedge.org. And if you learn better by watching, Chip's got a channel on YouTube too. Every week you'll find full video teachings there on marriage, parenting, leadership, and more ready whenever your schedule allows. Just search Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram on YouTube and hit subscribe.

Bringing out somebody's very best only works if you genuinely love them first. And love like that doesn't happen by accident. Chip's book I Choose Love shows you how to make that kind of love a daily habit instead of a rare occurrence, walking you through what the Bible calls agape love, practical, sacrificial, and available to anyone willing to choose it. It's a short, clear read you could start tonight and put into practice tomorrow with whoever needs it most in your life right now. So get your copy of I Choose Love at a special price today at livingontheedge.org/offers.

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Chip Ingram: You know, it's interesting as we listen to the message together today about how Paul inspires and motivates. We ended on a very very serious note where he talks about sexual purity. But the context here he began by motivating them, talking about how they could really please God. And I don't know about you, but this area of sexuality, sexual purity, if you're in the process of discipling, teaching, helping other people, or if you know some people that you know this is the barrier that's holding them back from really walking with God. You know, Paul gives us a model here about how to talk to him.

And let's walk through the model because those of us that are committed to seeing people grow in their relationship with Christ, you have to confront tough issues. And he models for us how you do it. One, you motivate and then you teach. When you want to help someone with sexual purity, the first step is show them clearly what's the will of God. It's not ought, it's not should, it's not your tradition or your background or what other people think. It's not some effort to make them feel guilty. Paul says in verse 3 this is the will of God, your sanctification, namely that you be sexually pure.

In other words, this is God's idea. The second thing he does is he tells it like it is. He's very clear and with conviction he says look, you know this is unpopular in our day. In Paul's day, I mean people were sleeping around as much or more than in our day. This was not a popular message, but with conviction he tells them look, here's some reasons with conviction and compassion that you can afford to be doing life sexually apart from God's will. It harms others defrauding. It will harm you and we know all that stuff.

And third, it's inconsistent with who you are in Christ. And so let me ask you first, where are you at in this area of sexual purity? Second, is there someone that you know that you have a sense of responsibility for and love for that really need to hear this area needs to be addressed? You know, as believers we've got to be pure. And if we don't speak the truth to one another in the body of Christ, confront one another, you know what? We're not going to be pure. You don't have to be down on people, you don't have to come down strong, but share the word of God, the will of God, do it in love, give the reasons why, and then invite them to follow Christ in purity.

You will be giving them the most inspiring, gracious gift you could ever offer.

Dave Droubie: Next time Chip continues this message on How to Bring Out the Very Best in Others. That'll be right here on Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.

Guest (Male): Today's program is produced and sponsored by Living on the Edge.