Living on the Edge

Chip Ingram: There are three questions everyone will ask and answer in your lifetime. Number one, who am I? Number two, where do I belong? And number three, what am I supposed to do? Answering those questions clearly and correctly will set the course for your entire life. Today, we're going to learn how to answer them well. Stay with me.

Guest (Male): Why do most people spend their lives trying to be someone else? Well, today on Living on the Edge, Chip Ingram addresses the three fundamental questions every human being asks: Who am I? Where do I belong? What am I supposed to do?

Using the story of Adam and Eve's fall, Chip exposes three obstacles that keep us from honest self-assessment: shame, insecurity, and denial. But there's hope. God offers a pathway to discover your authentic identity and purpose. Well, here's Chip Ingram with today's message: How to Come to Grips with the Real You.

Chip Ingram: Well, there's not a lot of things that psychologists and theologians agree on 100%. But psychologists and theologians all agree that from the time we're very small, actually until the day we die, we begin to consciously or unconsciously try to ask and answer three questions. Question number one: Who am I? Question number two: Where do I belong? And question number three: What am I supposed to do?

These are the issues about identity, about security, and significance. We're on a journey. It is about becoming a Romans 12 Christian or true spirituality. At the end of the day, we can call it all kinds of different things, but Jesus made it very clear: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, with all your strength, and love your neighbor like yourself.

In Romans chapter 12, it just gives us a snapshot of what an authentic follower of Jesus looks like in everyday life. In terms of loving God, he says, how do you love God? What does God want the most? He wants you and me—all that we are, all that we have, surrendered to him. Then, realizing that it's a battle and the world system wants to seduce our heart away from our Savior, he wants us to be separate from the world's values.

Now we're going to move from verse one and verse two to verse three through eight. Here, what we're going to learn is: How do you come to grips with the real you? How do you look in the mirror—not just physically, but in the mirror of your soul—come to grips with who you really are and say, "I'm fearfully and wonderfully made. I matter. God has a plan for me"? I'm not too short. I'm not too tall. I have the right personality. I have the right gifts. I don't need to be like anyone else.

Here's the fact of the matter: most people in all the earth spend the great majority of their time and energy trying to be like someone else or wishing they were someone else. We dress like someone else, we act like someone else, we have all these different models, and we spend all of our energy and time trying to be a copy of something that's not nearly as attractive as the one unique person out of the almost seven billion people on this planet that have a unique DNA that is yours.

You are made exactly like you were made by the Creator of all of life because he's got a plan for you. He's gifted you and he wants to do something great in you and then something significant through you. We're going to roll up our sleeves and we're going to ask and answer the question: how do you come to grips with the real you? Open your teaching notes if you will, and let's jump into those three questions.

Question number one: Who am I? What's our identity? You're always asking this question. And by the way, for those who are parents, so are your kids. The second big question we're always asking: Where do I belong? And this is about security. Every person is made by the God of the universe to need to belong, to need to understand who you really are. We go about it in some ways, sometimes, that are very dysfunctional. In fact, sometimes very dangerous.

Third question we're asking is: why am I here? What am I supposed to do? It is fundamental. It is so fundamental and so overwhelming sometimes we blow past this one. When's the last time you actually stopped and said, "Why am I on this planet? What is the meaning of life for me?"

A big part of the whole midlife crisis is people looking in the rearview mirror and going, "I've not only not asked that question, but when I start thinking about it very deeply, I don't like the answer because I not only don't know, but I haven't given much energy or time or track record to what I think probably matters most."

Now, before you get too down on yourself, because honestly, those are big, aren't they? Those are so big. Isn't it interesting the biggest issues in life you can sort of shove down because they are so hard to answer? It's like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, who here would say, 'Who am I really? And where do I belong? And what am I supposed to do?'" Come on, Chip, would you get to something serious?

There are no bigger questions than that. And yet the great majority of people have not thought deeply or could give you good, clear answers to that. But let me tell you why. Let me explain why those are so hard to answer. Turn in your notes to page two. Something happened. Something happened to our first parents that we've inherited from them that makes these three questions very hard to answer.

It is why the world has such a pull on us. It is why we settle for lots of superficial answers to those things, knowing down deep in our soul they don't really satisfy. The passage is Genesis chapter three. The context is the cosmic coup has occurred. The most loving being, the most generous being, the giver of all life, the Creator of the universe, Yahweh God, has created mankind and told them that all that I have and everything is available. There's only one small limitation: don't eat from that tree.

Our parents first by deception, then by an act of the will—it was a coup, it was a rebellion—and sin entered the world. The theologians call it the fall of man. We pick up the story and we find out what happened. As we pick up the story, you'll discover why for you and me it's really hard to answer those questions well.

They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day. And the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. It is the first time this has ever happened. They ran to meet him. They lived in a perfect environment. They were naked emotionally, they were naked spiritually, they were naked physically.

Some theologians think there was radiation of light that came out from them before the fall even. There was absolute complete intimacy with God, intimacy and vulnerability with one another, unconditional acceptance. Life was perfect. Now they hear God coming and for the first time they hide. Then the Lord God called to the man and said to him, "Where are you?"

By the way, this was not an informational question. This is diagnostic. God knew where he was. He is going to ask a series of questions to help Adam discover where he is really at. Adam said, "I heard the sound of you in the garden, I was afraid because I was naked, so I hid myself." If you've got a pen, will you pull it out and circle afraid, naked, and hid? That will come back later.

You are going to find there is a relational pattern in that that you have and I have and every human being has. God said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I've commanded you not to eat?" And so he's going to answer God and it's very interesting. If you happen to be his wife, this is not a good moment.

What you're going to learn is you can't trust this guy. For the first time ever, what you're going to learn when the pressure comes, what he's going to do instead of own his stuff and be a man, he is going to be passive and he is going to blame you. And so Eve is probably standing there knowing the whole story and she is going to hear her husband say to God, "The woman that you gave me to be with me, she gave me from the tree and I ate it."

Translation: it is not my fault. It is her fault. And by the way, you're the one who gave her to me. So let's do the math. Not me. It is her. It is your fault, really, God. And so God moves on with the progression of diagnostic questions. Then the Lord God said to the woman, "What is this that you have done?" And the woman, being a very quick study, says, "The serpent deceived me and I ate."

In other words, it is not my fault either. It is the serpent's fault. And who made this garden? And who made serpents? And all the problems in life are God's. Isn't it interesting a lot hasn't changed? When there's a tragedy, when there's a difficulty, when something happens in the world, isn't it interesting as human beings what I always hear is: how could God let this happen? How come every single day God lets me breathe? How could God give me this? We don't list every good thing that he's ever done. But anything goes wrong, well, I tell you what.

Dave Drury: You are listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. We are halfway through today's message, so don't go anywhere just yet. Today's insightful lesson comes from our series called God's Dream for Your Life. Want to dig deeper into these truths? Well, the full series is ready for you online at livingontheedge.org.

You will discover extra teaching content, downloadable materials, and discussion guides to take you further. Find it all at livingontheedge.org. Now let's rejoin Chip with today's message.

Chip Ingram: Three obstacles you'll see in this passage about why it is so hard to come to grips with the real you. First is fear rooted in shame. Notice he says, "I was afraid." Well, why? I was afraid because now for the first time ever Adam realizes he's naked. Of course it is physical, but well, well beyond. What he realizes is he's exposed.

What he realizes when he meets the eyes of someone who sees absolutely perfect through everything, he doesn't measure up. There's a self-consciousness that has occurred. Could I tell you that this is how we relate to God often? And this is how we relate to one another? It is the primary means of relating to other human beings and God is fear, and it is rooted in shame.

And so we relate to one another in fear and spend inordinate amount of energy posing and image managing. And since we're not sure who we really are, we want to be liked by other people. I call them personality holograms. Because of your background and your gifts and the part of the country you grew up in and all these factors, somewhere along the way in the world you learned people in certain groups like this, and so you learned to act like that and dress like that.

And need to drive that, and your kids need to go to this school, and you have all these things that somehow, some way, if all that is lined up, because you get affirmation from that, you get approval from that, you're admired by people. Here's the problem: what you know is this hologram that you're projecting of this person that has it kind of together and is loving and is kind and is a good whatever.

You know down deep in your soul that really doesn't represent all of you, let alone a lot of the real you. And even when people love the hologram, you don't get loved because you know that's not you. That's why we find some of the people that are most beautiful, the most successful, and we find them doing things that we scratch our head and say, "How could someone that has all the things we all long for kill themselves or destroy their life with an addiction?" It is that discrepancy in their soul. It is fear rooted in shame.

Notice the second thing that happens in this. Not only did they say, "I was afraid," he says hiding rooted in insecurity. See, when you're naked, you feel insecure. You feel inadequate. And so you hide. Not only were they afraid, but I hide the real me from you, and you hide the real you from others and from God.

Isn't it amazing when you don't feel like praying, especially if you down deep feel that low-grade guilt in your soul? Maybe it is not really big sins, but sort of the little ones start adding up and you just don't feel very motivated to pray. I don't know about you, but what I realize is I don't want to go talk to God right now because I know how this is going to go.

He's going to cause me to be honest, expose me for who I am. And I don't like that. And so I play this game like, well, if I don't really talk to him very deeply right now, he doesn't really know. But don't you do that with your mates, those of you that are married? Don't you do it with your roommates? Don't you do that with your best friends?

Don't we play that game? We have fear that's rooted in shame and then we hide in our insecurity. Can I tell you something? Here's a great little message to learn. This is a freedom message for me: everyone on the earth is desperately insecure. You cover it one way, I cover it one way. Some people cover it with what they've done and their performance and their success, and other people with their story that they tell. But you know what? It is called the fall. You relate and I relate by hiding. And we hide because we're insecure.

Dave Drury: You are listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Chip has more to share in just a moment. But remember, if you missed any part of today's lesson, or just want to revisit what you've heard, you can always find these lessons online at livingontheedge.org. Throughout this series, God's Dream for Your Life, we've explored surrender, mind renewal, and authentic identity.

These aren't abstract concepts. They're practical truths that change how you live every single day. For more than 30 years, Living on the Edge has helped believers stop pretending and start living authentically, not through superficial self-help, but through deep biblical teaching that addresses who you really are in Christ.

Right now, people across the country are breaking free from the exhausting cycle of performance and image management. They're discovering they don't need to be anyone else. God made them exactly as he intended. This freedom spreads because faithful partners make this Bible teaching accessible. Your support extends our reach into lives desperate for this truth.

Monthly gifts, regardless of the amount, make a huge difference in helping us plan ahead and keep these daily messages coming across the globe. Every contribution matters because every gift helps someone discover their God-given identity and purpose. You can become a monthly partner right now by simply going online to livingontheedge.org or send your one-time gift through the mail to Living on the Edge, PO Box 3007, Atlanta, Georgia, 30324. You can also call us at 888-333-6003.

Chip Ingram: The third relational implication of why it is so hard to answer these questions is blaming rooted in denial. The man says, "It's the woman." The woman says, "It's the serpent." But ultimately, they both blame God. Now, here's before we go on, because we're going to talk about Romans chapter 12, verses three through eight. It is actually going to help you discover the tipping point of discovering who you are, where you belong, and what you're supposed to do.

Verse three will tell us in just a minute who you are, verses four and five will say where you belong, and verses six through eight will be the beginning of you getting really clear on your role and what you're supposed to do. But I want to tell you kind of a follow-up story because it's one thing to say, okay, everyone's desperately insecure. What do you do with that?

Must have been 10, 15 years later, and I'm on this journey. In fact, on a 3x5 card, I wrote shortly after that just my desire card to renew my mind. "Lord, I long to be more authentic in every relationship by your power and your grace." And I was invited to—I found out later—a very exclusive dinner. It was called the National Religious Broadcasters, and they had probably the top maybe 20 or 30 communicators in America with their wives, and these people put on this dinner.

I had no idea. We're on 10 stations or I don't know. It was not like—Chuck Swindoll is on every station, he's written 25 or 30 books, and he's sort of the voice of America, still going strong. And so I come to this dinner with my wife. It made when I was intimidated before seem like baby steps. And so of all things, they go around and they have a little nameplate. And so I sit down and the nameplate next to me is Chuck Swindoll.

I thought, "Oh, no." And so I have time and I'm sitting there and I'm from California and I've got a tie on and a coat and I'm totally uncomfortable just in how I'm dressed. It's real fancy and it's in a real fancy place. He sits down, I sit down, and I'm sitting there thinking: what am I going to do? Because I'm not thinking I'm insecure, I'm feeling very insecure.

And so I go through my mind about how should I do this. Maybe I'll take the, "Hey, Chuck! How's it going, man?" No, I don't think that'll work. How about the real professional? "Excuse me, Dr. Swindoll, how's the ministry going?" No, I don't think that'll work. I mean, I was just literally—don't you all do this? Like, what am I going to do in this situation?

And I remembered this: everyone's desperately insecure. I can't really believe he is, but I'm thinking the Bible's true. So I just thought I'm going to keep applying what I've been learning. And I tapped him on the shoulder. He turned. I said, "Excuse me, Mr. Swindoll. This is my first time here. And I just have to tell you, I am way over my head. This is very intimidating. We're not on very many stations. I don't not only know how to act, I don't know how to do this whole broadcasting thing. Could you give me a couple tips?"

And I'll never forget, he pulled back his chair, put his arm around me like this, we got back: "Chip, call me Chuck." And for the next half hour, he began to explain the journey. And then for the next six or seven years, I went to that dinner. "Chip, come here," and he would kind of say, "Well, tell me what's happening," and then he would coach me.

Why? I could have posed. I could have said, "Do you understand? We were only on one station. We're on seven stations now. What do you think? Oh yeah, worldwide. Well, that's pretty good." But do you understand what happens when you take off your mask and you're just real and you're honest with where you're really at? Do you know who's coming out? The most attractive person on the planet that God made. The real you.

Now look in your notes because here's what I want. I want to take you on a journey to the beginning points of discovering who you really are, where you really belong, and then what you're supposed to do. God's answer to the dysfunctional pattern of hiding and shame and fear and denial is this: who are you?

Verse three: "For by the grace of God given to me, I say to everyone among you, do not think of yourself more highly than you ought to think, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you." If you have that pen pull it out, underline the word "think." Then when you get to "then you ought," underline the word "ought," but rather "think," underline the word "think," and then underline "sober judgment."

So you have think, ought, think, and sober judgment. You underlined "ought" because in the original language, it is how you ought to think, but as they translated it for just a smoother reading, they omitted that word. The same root word—think, think, think, and sober judgment—is all the same root word. The word sober judgment gives us the best idea. It is: don't think of yourself like someone who's drunk.

When a person's drunk, what do they do? There's an external influence that gets inside of them that causes them to look at life in a way that's not accurate. So he says, don't be drunk by the world's system, don't be drunk by what everybody thinks, don't be drunk by what your family tells you. You need to have a sober self-assessment. You need to think accurately about yourself. That is the first command.

You need to come to the point where physically, relationally, spiritually, emotionally, your soul, you can look in the actual mirror and say, "I'm fearfully and wonderfully made." And come to the point where: these are my strengths, these are my weaknesses—God-given—this is how he's given me. But where you think accurately about yourself.

Notice, don't think too highly of yourself, don't think too lowly of yourself, but think of a sober or accurate judgment. And then this little phrase, notice it says, "according to the measure of faith that God's given you." Newell in his commentary on Romans really puts it well. He says faith in this situation is not a subjective faith. In other words, it is not faith in Christ, it's the faith.

He says it is the standard by which we're to evaluate ourselves. This objective faith is the biblical view of ourselves. It is who you are in Christ. It is how God has gifted you. It's understanding his plan for you. It's like the first three chapters of Ephesians. It is: you need to see yourself as loved, adopted, sealed by the Spirit. You have a purpose. You're his workmanship.

Chip Ingram: As we wrap up today's program, I'd like you to maybe take just a minute and ponder what you've learned. When I talked about the strong and the weak, the book, and how I learned I was desperately insecure, I probably had a little too much fun teaching this because I was really intimidated by powerful, wealthy people.

Then I got to where when I saw them posing and powering up, I kind of had this funny thing going inside like, wow, that dude is really insecure just like me. But it freed me up. There are some of you that are in workplaces or even family relationships or dealing with life in such a way, and you have this picture that you're the only one that has these feelings, you're the only one that's insecure, or you think weakness or insecurity is something that is just unique to you and there's something wrong with you.

Instead, there's something wrong with the human race. Because of the fall we have been hiding. Because of the fall we do have shame. I want you to know Christ is the answer. I've had the opportunity to take many groups of people through this small group study. One of the things that just blows my mind, especially with the 20 and 30-year-olds, is when we get to a sober self-assessment.

People have this aha moment that I don't have to pose, I don't have to pretend that the most attractive person in all the world is the person God made me. It is a freedom. It is so liberating. This needs to sink from your head to your heart because you can get freed up and have a lot more fun in life and just might be a lot more useful to God.

Dave Drury: I'm Dave Drury, and we'll see you again next time when we continue our study on God's Dream for Your Life. Don't miss it next time here on Living on the Edge. Today's program is produced and sponsored by Living on the Edge.