Joni Eareckson Tada: Sharing Hope

Guest (Female): We've come to another edition of Dear Joni. And if you don't mind, we're going to get right to it. So Joni, here's a tough question from Mary Grace who asks, "Joni, I'm assuming you've never had children. I'm also assuming that you and Ken made that decision consciously, since quadriplegia does not affect fertility as far as I'm aware. My husband and I are also having to think through whether or not we'll continue to try to have children after multiple losses, years of infertility, and a recent diagnosis. Joni, did you grieve not having children? What would your encouragement be for someone who can't have children?"

Joni Eareckson Tada: Well, Mary Grace, this is a tough question. And my heart goes out to you and your husband, as it's obvious that you would really love to start a family. But to your first question, yes, I grieved over not being able to conceive. I clearly recall one afternoon leaving the office of our infertility specialist—yes, Ken and I went to a specialist—and I just started sobbing. We had to pull over as I could not stop wailing. Never in all my years of paralysis had I wept like that. It was deep from inside. So yes, there was grief.

But there was also God's Word. And I knew I would go crazy if I wallowed in my loss. So, if Ken and I were not going to have children, then God must have a better plan. So my husband and I hitched our wagon to Psalm 138:8: "The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands."

God has a purpose and he promises he will fulfill it. He will bring it to pass. He will not forsake us. And then there's Proverbs 23 that says, "Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off." I love that word "surely." Without a doubt, God has something richer. We can be sure of it.

And then there's also the verse we all know, Jeremiah 29:11, where God himself tells us, "For I know the plans I have for you; they are plans for good and not for harm, to give you hope and a future." And of course finally, we know that for those who love God, all things—even miscarriages, even infertility, even paralysis—all things work together for good for those who are called according to his purpose. And that, of course, is Romans 8:28.

Mary Grace, there is one more Bible verse especially for you. Psalm 34 says, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and he saves those who are crushed in spirit." Yes, we women grieve when we discover we cannot have children. But then we must go to God's word and hold fast to the Lord as he leads us into that other future, that better future.

Many couples view adoption, including embryo adoption, as a way to create a loving family. Or you could do what Ken and I do: invest in the lives of children in the church and in your community. Teaching Sunday school, volunteering with youth groups, mentoring young people. And finally, our friends at Desiring God have posted great articles about childlessness and "what next?" We've provided a link on our radio page at joniradio.org.