Inspire

Guest (Female): Aloha and welcome to the Inspire Church Podcast, whether you're on a walk, driving to work, or just need to hear a fresh word. This is your spot to get inspired, challenged, and equipped to live a faith-filled life. Each episode, you'll hear powerful sermons straight from our weekend services that speak into your life, your leadership, and your legacy.

Before we dive in, do us a favor: hit that subscribe button, leave a review, and share this with someone who needs a word today. If you want more resources like Pastor Mike's newest book, "Blow Your Mind," head over to MikeKai.tv. All right, let's lean in, open your hearts, and let God speak through this message.

Mike Kai: You ready for the word? Okay, we're going to talk about being single. I'm going to talk about marriage too, but we're going to talk about being single. Let's pray. Father, we come before you in the name of Jesus. Lord, we ask for your presence here. You already are. We thank you. God, I ask that you help me to preach, to help me to see this, help us to listen to your voice.

Lord, may we obey your voice. May we be inspired by the word of God today. We give you the glory, all the honor, all the praise in the mighty name of Jesus. And everybody said, amen. Thank the Lord, everybody, before the word. Thank you before the word. Thank you, guys. We'll see you in a few minutes. Awesome.

When I think about being single, every person is single, of course, before they're married. When I look at being single, what my years of singleness, I could break them into BC and AD: before Christ and Anno Domini, after Jesus. Before I came to the Lord, I didn't know what it meant to be single and set apart for God because I was not set apart for God. I lived the way that I wanted to live. My life was my life, and back then, I was pleasing myself and what I saw, what I wanted, my desires.

God never ever entered into the equation. That was me BC. Me BC was insecure. Me BC was ready to fight at any time. Me BC was lost. And when I became a father at the age of 19 years old and then I became a single parent at the age of 21, being single by myself BC was not a good thing. I remember during those days that I was struggling to find my identity, who I was, even though I didn't even know what the word identity actually meant.

Nobody talked about your identity in Christ and trying to find your identity from the world rather than your identity from God. I never knew that before, and even BC, that really wasn't. God began to change me, and nobody said you need a new identity in Christ. No, all I remember was the scripture that if any man be in Christ, he is a new creation, that old things are passed away. Behold, the new has begun.

When I gave my life to the Lord, identity automatically began to change, even though my mentality didn't keep up with the new identity in Christ. When I look at what it was like being a single father during that period of time in my life and I came to Jesus, Jesus rocked my world. Let me tell you. I know my picture's behind me. I didn't ask for it, but that's okay. I'll throw it up there. Take it down. It's a distraction. Everybody's going to be distracted. They're going to look at the eyebrows.

Anyway, that was me. That was me at the age of 20, about 20 years old. When I came to Christ, Christ came into my heart. I went to church for the first time, and then I realized what it meant, the price that it would cost to be set apart for God. To be single as a Christian is not easy, but I can tell you to be single is some of the most powerful and significant times of your life. When you're single, you're trying to get married. I just want to get married. Not everybody feels that way, but I just want to get married.

When you're single before Christ, you just want to hook up. I just want some someone to love. I want all the feels of relationship. I want to feel loved and want to feel appreciated. I want to fall in love with falling in love. Feels good, huh? Feels good to fall in love with falling in love. And it's really sometimes when you set yourself up, you say I fell out of love. No such thing. You don't fall out of love. You make a decision to stay loved.

Through thick and thin, anyway, that's the marriage side I was going to tell you about. But when I think about being single, I think of the people that were significant in the Bible that were single. A lot of them were single. They eventually got married, but a lot of them were single. Some were married, some were widowed, some were young, some were older. But let's talk about Ruth. We talked about her last week. Ruth, she was single. She was single until she got married.

Naomi was widowed. Paul was single. The apostle Paul was single. And he had some really strong things to talk about about staying single. Anna the prophetess, she was a widow. John the Baptist, he never got married. Even Jesus himself, he was never married. We are his bride, the church. One day, we will meet him in the air, and yet their lives were filled with extraordinary significance. Sometimes we think when I get married, everything's going to work out, and when I get married, it's going to be awesome.

I would say yes if you find a spouse that is on mission with you, that wants the same mission that God has for you. The world tells us that you're incomplete until you find somebody. The whole soulmate thing sounds great, but it's Greek mythology. The soulmate, that you go out throughout your life and that person, only one person can fill your soul, and when you find that person throughout the world, then you found your soulmate. We go through life with an empty portion of our body trying to find that piece that fits.

The soulmate sounds nice, but it takes work to become a soulmate. Let me put it to you this way. Scripture teaches that when your life is surrendered to God, you are already whole. I had to find my contentment in being single while I was single. I had to say like, I don't need somebody. I'm okay. I don't need somebody. I don't need to jump from the frying pan back into the fire. I don't need another relationship to make me feel validated and complete because I get that from Christ.

How do I get it? I read my Bible every day. I worship the Lord. I worship him. I put him above all my other needs, and I'm good. Yeah, that might be good for you, but man, you probably got more drama than I got while I'm single. I'm talking about dating too now when you're dating, when you're hooking up and you're dating and you're with each other. You're going to have more drama exponentially. Sometimes we think if I just get married, everything's going to be fixed. No, it actually got ten times harder.

The stuff that you were single and you didn't deal with that, you're bringing that into your marriage. I love this part where Timothy, Paul writes to Timothy. There's something powerful about a life that is singularly focused on Jesus. Here it is. Second Timothy 2:22. Flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace along with those who call on the Lord with a pure heart. Flee the youthful passions, but pursue other things. When you realize what you chase, flee, don't chase. What you chase after, you actually become.

Give you the four things that I want to share with you today. Number one, don't chase, cultivate. Don't chase a relationship, cultivate yourself with God. Don't think that another person's going to change you, and don't make that other person your project before you date. I'm telling you right now, I feel sorry for her. I feel sorry for him. I'm going to try and do my best to rehab him. No, don't do it. Because you got to cultivate yourself.

When you cultivate and change your life, listen, the person you're called to be, cultivate the person that you're called to be. We tend to exhaust ourselves chasing what the world puts in front of us, and God is doing something far more important. He desires to shape the character within us that outlasts everything that we're running after. Cultivation of your life with Christ requires spiritual disciplines: reading the word, prayer, worship, and fasting. Do those things. Set yourself apart for God.

Spiritual community, people around who are intentional about cultivating their spiritual growth without chasing the worldly gain. Spiritual priorities, reordering what is most important in our lives, making sure that Jesus is at the forefront and center of relationships and finances and careers and hobbies. When I think about being a young person who is single, you might be a young person who is single. I would say choose wisely. Don't jump into a relationship. Fools rush in.

Do not rush into a relationship right away. Don't show your hand, don't show your cards. Keep your zipper up. Don't give in. Now to the single parent. I know what it was like to be a single parent. Sometimes as a single parent, you just feel like man, if that one didn't work out, I don't want to take my chances again, and you are learning how to be single again with all the responsibilities as if you're still married because you have all of the children that you're raising.

You have all of this that's going on in your life, so much responsibility that's going on. I would say to the single parent that if you someday feel like I really want to get married again, then here's what I would say to you: you cultivate your relationship with God and have a higher standard the second time than you did the first time. Because maybe the first time you didn't have the standard back then that you have today where now you're born again, now you're a believer in Christ.

The second time, here's the one: have a higher standard than you did the first time. The things that you want to demand that you have to have: you have to have a faith. They have to have a faith to believe in God. They have to want to come to church even through football season. I'm talking to the ladies right now, not just to the men. A faith through football season. You got to be able to pick and choose someone that wants the whole package, that wants the kids too.

That's not going to raise a hand to them but's going to love them and guide them and going to lead them as if they are in place of the other parent until that other parent gets their turn to raise that child. Are you feeling me? I know some people feel uncomfortable right now, but don't feel uncomfortable right now. Because I'm telling you from my heart, you're not going to hear this anywhere else. And in a church, you're going to rarely hear this about how to be godly and single.

We have all kinds of singles. Do you know that one third of our church is single? One third. Not even counting kids or youth. One out of every three people is single, they're not married right now. Build your life. Hebrews 12 verse 14 says work at living in peace with everyone and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord. As a single father, I wanted to talk from that perspective that I was praying, and I was praying that someone would love me.

When you come out of a broken relationship, you feel like damaged goods. There are lies that you believe along the way, depending on what side you were on. You could be the one most likely the one that's received that kind of treatment versus the person that gave out that kind of treatment. And so depending on what side you were on, everybody comes to the cross eventually, and God forgives every single one of us. Forgiveness is given.

What happens is when you come into a relationship and you were once married, you're not looking to connect, to hook up. You're coming to church because you need Jesus really bad and you've gone through a very traumatic time. You've gone through one of probably the most difficult time of your life, other than death. Death might be a little bit easier because it's more final, but this one keeps going on. It's the wound that you think never heals, but it eventually does.

When you go through the season of life, you come out better, stronger than ever before and more blessed because why? Because now when you come out, you're looking for the right things versus the average things. When you come to Christ and you're in an environment like this and you're in a community where you feel accepted no matter what my marital status is, no matter what I bring to the table or I didn't bring to the table, I'm coming because ultimately I need Jesus and everybody in this room does.

When Christ comes into your life and you worship him and you feel like you're in the bigger body of Christ, that you're in the family of God, that's where the healing came for me. My healing didn't necessarily come from a Sunday morning sermon. My healing came from community, my connect group. I didn't think they accepted kids in the connect group. And a guy called me up in my first connect group. My first connect group was terrible. What a terrible experience.

I remember I went to my first connect group and now, three years, four years into my relationship with Jesus and being very transparent, my daughter and I had to move on already. The writing was on the wall. The biblical out was there, and I didn't want it. When you discover what you don't want to discover, it's time to go. I waited three years. My mom would beg me, "Michael, move on with your life." My mom, who comes to church, sits in the front row. "Michael, move on with your life."

I said, "Mom, I can't." "Michael, move on with your life." Mom, she's not even born again, so I can't tell her that God doesn't like divorce. I can't tell her that, so I don't want to pull the trigger. I stayed in longer than I should have. I probably stayed in two years longer than I should have. I stayed in a long time, and I wasn't an angel before this, but I had the kid and I was raising the daughter. My mom would come, "Michael, please move on with your life, Michael, it's been two years, Michael, move on."

I believe I honored God through the process. Then another two years later, I meet Lisa, and we get married pretty quick, within 14 months. Should have been sooner, but 14 months. I didn't know that's why. I wasn't sure-sure. I wasn't sure-sure because I don't want to do this again. I want to do this one more time and this is the last one until death do we part with Paul. This is it. So I took a little bit longer, I wasn't sure if she was, maybe six months longer than I should have.

Let me tell you, I go to the connect group with Lisa for the first time. Guess what? I show up. This one is big. It's a big connect group. That's why I don't like big connect groups. This one was big. There's like 30 people in the house. I go into the house with Lisa, and I walk in. I'm like 24 now, 24-ish, and I get up, almost 25. I get into the connect group, and the connect group leader, they do worship, and then he makes announcements.

"Hey guys, this is getting too big. We got to stop inviting people." That's my first connect group. "This is getting too big. We got to stop inviting people." And I was like, dude, are you serious? And two guys are arguing in the bedroom because of what the guy said. I'm like, yeah, I'm out. I'm never coming back to this one. It took me a longer time to find one, and when I found one, my life changed. Everybody contributed. I contributed.

I grew in that community, and my life got cultivated. I don't care if you're single or if you're married, you need community, and your life will be cultivated under Christ. It'll help you in Jesus' name. Don't chase, but cultivate. One of the most important things that you can develop now is accountability, but this is also one of the things people avoid and fear the most. They don't want accountability. But you cultivate that. When you have accountability for yourself now, you'll be more open to accountability when you are in a relationship and the temptation is even greater.

Don't chase, cultivate. Here's number two: don't chase, cut. Cut. What can you cut now before you get into a relationship? What can you cut now? Don't chase a desire, cut what's hindering you. Now's the time to cut away what you can't take into the next season of your life. Cut it now. Get the counseling now. Go get deliverance prayer now. All these even if you're married already, you think oh, too late, I'm married already. No, go get it now too.

But before you get married, and it doesn't mean you're going to be perfect, this is your perfect version of yourself. No, this is the best version of yourself before you get married. Once you get married, it's going to get hard. Why? Because the Bible says the two will become one. And you know what? We're so different from one another that you're bound to clash. Lisa and I, you think we're alike? No, we're not. At all. The longer we get married, the more we get become a little bit more the same, but we're totally different.

She's calmer, more stoic. Me, I'm quieter, but I'm a little bit more emotional, like I react a little bit. I need to stop reacting. We're different. She likes ramen. I can't stand noodles. "Can we go get ramen?" "Yeah." So when I'm eating, I'm eating the chicken karaage with curry. We're so different. Like I like meat, she doesn't like meat. She likes the bedroom super cold. I don't. I like it warm. Crazy, it's interesting.

Going back to this, now's the time to cut away what you can't take into the next season of your life. What's the area of your life that needs to be cut away? Cut away the bitterness, maybe you got to cut away the pride, and please, cut away the porn now before you get into a marriage because it's going to shape the way you think about your spouse. You don't want that. Cut away all cut away self-reliance and pursue a God reliance. Zechariah chapter four verse six says not by might, not by power, but by my spirit, says the Lord.

This is the place where you cut away the excess baggage, where you pack lighter, you travel better, and you move through life faster. When I got saved and I went to my first church, the only church that I went to, they had a counseling program, and then the pastor shut down the counseling program. At first I thought, man, I need counseling and they shut it down. I never found a counselor again. Guess what my counseling was? The connect group.

The connect group healed me more than the counselor could. Because I was in community with people that loved me and I loved them and I found my healing and my wholeness in my connect group. Yes, don't chase, cut away. Some people think once I get a relationship, my lust issue will go away. Once I get married, I won't struggle with this once I'm married. Once I get married, I just need to find the right person that will help complete me. However, God says that marriage is the two becoming one, not one healing or fixing the other.

Marriage is the ultimate magnifying glass. As a matter of fact, I heard it said that marriage wasn't meant to make you happy, marriage was meant to make you holy. What do you mean? Your marriage should drive you to your knees to pray for the other person, to get rid of the selfishness that we inherit when we're together. All these things, God does all of this work. I love it when I see married couples come to Christ. Before they were living in the world and they come to Christ and their whole world changes.

Their whole value system is different. Now all of a sudden the things that they used to put money and time into are not as important anymore because why? Because now they find a new family, an identity in Christ and everything that God does. The third thing, write this down: don't chase, connect with God. Chase after God, be a God-chaser. Don't worry about the fairy tale, don't chase after the feels, don't chase to look good. That's all folks.

Anyway, that's what happens when you're on sharp brain and your mouth cannot keep up. Don't try to keep up with the Joneses. For the single people, for the young adults, you don't need a brand new car. In fact, I don't think you should ever get one unless you earn it in your 30s or your 40s. Even then, I don't know if you want to. Because the payment is insane and the interest rate, you are locked in, my brother, for seven years.

I don't know how I got there. Anyway, just thinking, don't keep up with the Joneses. You don't have to have you can shop at Zara and it's cheaper. You can still get a $30 shirt at Zara. I'm just so you know, I'm not going to Target. I'm not buying my clothes from Target. I hardly bought my stuff let me put it to you this way. I learned to tithe from the very beginning when I was single so that I didn't have a problem with it when I was married.

And I know where my help and where my wealth comes from, it comes from God. I know where it comes from. That's where it comes from. So I know that if I was successful elsewhere, I know that if God blessed me in another form of business in the marketplace and I believe I would have succeeded, not saying I guarantee, I believe I would have succeeded, but I bet you I would never forget the Lord and I would never forsake the house of God.

So that's what I think. I think you got to cut away areas of your life that don't belong. I want to see you chase after God and look at what Paul says. This is the one I wanted to read to you in First Corinthians chapter seven verse 32. I'm going to read a little bit more, but it's on the screen. First Corinthians chapter seven verse 32. Paul says to the church in Corinth, "I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord's work and thinking of how to please him."

"But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit, but a married woman has to think about earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. I'm saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best with as few distractions as possible."

But then in verse 40, this is what he says in the end. He says, "But in my opinion, it would be better for her to stay single." He's drawing a big picture, and I think I'm giving you counsel from God's spirit when I say this. Paul is saying your significance while you're single is huge. When you're single, you can go on a missions trip and not worry about it, just check in with mom and dad. When you're single, you can serve your time with the Lord and you can build his house and God will build your life when you're single.

You can do it unrestricted. You don't have to worry, you don't have to get approval. When you're single, you could become a long-term missionary in a place like Mongolia for a year if you wanted to. If you're married, you might still be able to do that, but if you're married, you have to remember that now you have to consider the other person. Paul says, what Paul is saying is it's better to be single and serve the Lord. Now Paul, I believe, had the gift of celibacy.

I believe Paul didn't need nobody. I believe Paul, all he needed was the Lord. But I look at people who got married you know Peter, the apostle Peter was married, he had a wife, because we read that his mother-in-law had a headache. He must have been a good son-in-law because he cared, said come heal my mother-in-law. She's going through hot flashes. He was married. So now when you look at all of these things that we're talking about, you got to make sure that you don't chase and you connect with God.

And Paul the apostle said it was good for him to remain single and he recommended it, but it's not for everybody. Amen. You got time for one more? All right, here it is. Number four: don't chase, you're called. You are called. Every one of us in this room is called by God, called by the Lord. Philippians 3 verse 12 to 14 tells us that not that I've already obtained all of this or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that which Christ Jesus took hold of me.

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it, but one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. You are called. Now for all of the people who are married and you have single friends or people that you know are single, stop asking, "When you going to get married?"

But if you've been dating for two or three years, we going to ask you that question. That's valid. I love it when you get affirmation from young adults in the front row. Because if you date longer and you're single, you have more chance to fall into sin. Can't keep your hands to yourself, right? Honestly, I'm going to be honest, the reason why me and Lisa had to hurry up the wedding, because the Bible says do not burn with lust. And my wife, she's beautiful, and I didn't have the gift of celibacy.

That's why I didn't become a Catholic priest. Come on, somebody. I was an altar boy, that was not an option. Maybe a deacon, then the deacons get married. But the Bible says do not burn with lust and I didn't want to get into trouble and I didn't want to cause her to stumble. I didn't want to trip her up, and she was already on staff with church. So we got married pretty quick after we made the decision. We got married in three months. Come on somebody.

Now I look and I'm going to end with this. Worship team, keyboardist can come up. Now I look at the marriage with a purpose. Young adults, single people, I praise God that I was patient. I was patient, I was patient, I was patient. I waited for the godly there were some godly women along the way, but they weren't the right fit. They were meant for another man. They were meant for another brother that was praying for a wife, and the Lord blessed him with another woman.

When you're a single dad, you don't date. You're interviewing. And it's not just the single parent that's interviewing, it's an interview. The date's the interview. You checking to see she crazy? Is he tough? It's an interview. I'm telling you what, I was patient, and thank God. Because God has called you every marriage in this room, you might come into it a little bit later, you might come into it at the very beginning like your brother Nick and his wife, they know that their marriage is on mission.

When you discover why are we here, God, not just to make babies and grandbabies. It is a blessing, but God has a mission for every marriage in this place. Every marriage in this place. And I pray for you right now. Can I pray for us? Father, we thank you so much, Lord, for every marriage on mission. God, we thank you for every relationship. We thank you for our singleness. Lord, may people find their contentment in being single until you bring the one that we've been praying for.

The one that we've been setting ourselves apart for, the things that we've cut out, so that we could be consecrated to you and we're no longer chasing, God, but we're chasing after you. Father, we pray for your blessing, your favor would come upon us in everything that you're doing. In the name of Jesus we pray, and everybody said, amen. Keep your eyes closed and bow your heads for one more prayer.

I want to pray, lead you in a prayer of salvation, to give your life to Jesus, to turn your life to him, turn it over to him. Turn over your life, turn over your life to him, give your heart to him. And if that's you today, no matter who you are, where you've been, what you've done, if you're ready for the forgiveness of sins, the gift of eternal life, that if you want Christ right now, that you want heaven, that you want purity, you want God just to cleanse you of all of your sin.

All of the sin that I carried with me into church that first Sunday, my gosh, I walked out about 25 pounds, 30 pounds lighter because I felt like something came off of me. And it was the burden that I threw off, I didn't realize it, but Christ lifted me, made me lighter. The cloud over my head was gone, there was a dark cloud over me. And I felt like I could see the sun again, it looked different. The sky was brighter.

Things were different, and God put a joy in my heart that I couldn't have that would be called happiness. No, this was beyond that, it's called joy. My circumstance didn't change, I still went home to the same pain and emptiness, but my life changed. My circumstance would eventually change, and I didn't give my life to Jesus to change Lord, if I give my life to you, you change everything? You change everything on the outside? You bring her back to me? No, that wasn't a bargain.

He changed me first, and then he changed everything else around me later. So that's you, if you want Christ in your life, he's more than a handyman, he's more than a fix-it God. He is the King of kings and the Lord of lords and the savior of the world. He is the lion of Judah, he is the lamb of God, he is all of it. At the count of three, raise your hand if you want to pray that prayer. Here we go. One, two, three. Put your hand up if that's you, says, "Mike, I want to pray that prayer to give my life to Jesus."

God bless you right there, and two, God bless you right there. And anybody else, and three, amen. And four, God bless you. Five up there at the top, and six in the middle. Seven at my left, amen. Eight at my left as well, and nine right there, I see that hand, baby girl. And 10, uh-huh, and 11, praise God. 11, and 12 right there. 13 in the corner, uh-huh. Anyone else, did I miss one? 13, and 14 right there. 15, yeah, thank you.

Come on, we got at least 15, 16 people who are ready to be prayed for. Can we give the Lord a hand? And two, where, overflow? Okay, so we got and we got two in the back, so that's 18 people on a message on singleness. That's crazy. Let's pray. Come on, everybody repeat after me: Say Jesus, today, I surrender and give you my life. Thank you for loving me before I first loved you, for being my savior, for paying the price for my sin and shame on the cross at Calvary that washes my sin as white as snow, as if I never sinned before.

I thank you for dying on the cross, preparing a place for me in heaven, that when I die, I'll be in your presence for all eternity. But while I'm here, you are my strength and my hope, my help in my time of need. In Jesus' name I pray, I'm born again, the old has passed, the new has begun. I'm a new creation in Christ Jesus. In Jesus' name I pray, and everybody said, amen. Come on, thank the Lord, everybody. Hallelujah.

Guest (Female): What a powerful word. Come on somebody, if that stirred something in you, don't keep it to yourself. Share it, rate it, and let us know how God is speaking to you through these messages. We believe your best days are ahead, and we're honored to be part of the journey. For sermon notes, leadership tools, coaching resources, and more, visit MikeKai.tv. Stay inspired, stay planted, and stay ready because God's not done with you yet. Until next time, God bless you and aloha.