Insight for Living

Guest (Male): We've all done it: looked down our noses at fellow Christians whose convictions differ from ours. They watch movies that we'd never watch. They choose a beverage we think is unhealthy. They listen to music we find distasteful. And in our hearts, we've already passed judgment.

So, what does the Bible teach about our response to these liberties? Today on Insight for Living, Chuck Swindoll delivers a convicting challenge. Paul teaches us that grace makes room for diversity, and grace not only cultivates unity but deepens it. Teaching from Romans 14, Chuck titled his message "Putting Grace into Action."

Pastor Chuck Swindoll: Accept the one who is weak in faith. Strong folks, please stop putting down the weak ones. Accept them. I'll get to the word "accept" in a moment, but for right now, just let it stand. Accept the one who is weak in faith, not for the purpose of passing judgment on his opinions.

Look, we've got a divided opinion here. Verse 2: "One person has faith that he may eat all things." Now you know what that means. He's the strong one, called the strong one in this passage. "He who is weak eats vegetables only." Feels like it's safer. My conscience says I ought to eat vegetables only. That's fine. For you, that's great. Don't make me eat vegetables only. That's your diet. Keep it to yourself. Buy what you want to buy, fix it, and eat it, but don't force it on anybody else.

The one who eats is not to regard with contempt the one who doesn't eat. Got it? That's just common sense. And the one who does not eat should not judge the one who eats, for God has accepted him. In fact, he could very well say both of them. Both of them. While he's asking questions, verse 4, he gets right to the heart of it. Verse 4, great question: "Who are you to judge the servant of another?" Who's the Lord, if that's the servant? The Lord God.

Since we're serving the Lord God, whatever we do we ought to be doing for the Lord our God. We've all been saved out of a sinful past. We all come from varied backgrounds, different kinds, different convictions, but we still answer to the same Lord. Lord, make us one. Lord, hold us together. Lord, give us an understanding. Lord, give us a breadth. Lord, give us grace. Free me from feeling the need to straighten everybody else out or anybody else out.

It didn't work on your children, so you ought to know it's not going to work on other people in the family of God. That's God's job. He's the one that has to wring His hands over people. That's what He does. By the way, control and compare: those are the killers. You get around controllers, they'll drive you nuts. You get around comparing people, that's another killer. Quit looking at people as your standard.

We do it for the Lord. Not one of us lives for himself; not one of us dies for himself. I love that seventh verse. If we live, we live for the Lord. If we die, we die for the Lord. Whether we live or die, we're the Lord's. How good is that? How great is that?

I don't care where you go in the scriptures, you have the freedom to guide your life as God guides you, and I'll stand behind you. I'm not saying it'll do you good. I'm not saying it won't harm you. I'm saying you have the freedom to make that decision. You'll never get the rules from this pulpit unless the rules are set forth in the Bible. Then you'll hear them. And I'll drive them home, and they'll convict me just like they'll convict you.

So there will be those who will disagree, and when they disagree, there are going to be weaknesses on each side. Look how he develops it. I love Paul's approach. Verse 8: "If we live, we live for the Lord; if we die, we die for the Lord; therefore whether we live or die, we're the Lord's." Point being: we answer to Him.

Our desire is to please Him. What a great thing to remember in your life. Keep your eyes focused on Christ. When you try to please someone else, you'll fail. Or you'll fall under their thumb, and they'll control you, they'll dominate you. Focus your life on Christ. Let Him guide your decisions, guide your thinking. See what it says? "Let everyone be convinced in his own mind."

Verse 9: "For to this end Christ died and lived again, that He might be Lord both of the dead and of the living." But you, you who are weak, why do you judge your brother? And you who are strong, why do you regard your brother with contempt? In case you wonder where Paul was, look at 15:1 for a moment. Glance at 15:1 of Romans. "Now we who are strong ought to bear the weaknesses of those without strength and not just please ourselves." See the pronouns? Paul was among the strong. He had no problem with eating meat. T-bone steak? Serve it up. Came off an altar? Medium rare, not a problem.

Unless at that table was a weak brother who said, "That's meat offered to an idol." And Paul goes, "You know what? I suddenly would prefer the vegetables." Why? Because he loved his brother, rather than, "When are you going to grow up?" You know how we can put them down? We who are independent freedom fighters. That's what this is about. We're a church, my friends, we're a church.

So let me give you three principles that will work. This will help you. Find a place in your Bible where you can write this, okay? Because you're going to need them. Three principles that I think you will find remarkable, and I hope you will find wise, and I hope they are timeless. We who talk about modeling grace and encouraging grace and living grace and developing a church of grace, let's get the principles down. Three of them.

Number one: a life of grace begins with mutual acceptance. A life of grace begins with mutual acceptance. Please let that sink in. Don't rationalize your way around it. Don't think you're older and better and you don't need that. You're king of the mountain? No, you're not. You're one among many. Lighten up on your severity if you tend to be severe toward those who disagree with you.

A lady I don't know named Gladys Hunt wrote this on acceptance, and I quote: "Acceptance means you're valuable just as you are. It allows you to be the real you. You aren't forced into someone else's idea of who you really are. It means your ideas are taken seriously since they reflect you. You could talk about how you feel inside and why you feel that way and someone really cares."

"Acceptance means you can try out your ideas without being shot down. You can express heretical thoughts and discuss them with intelligent questioning. You feel safe. No one will pronounce judgment on you even though they don't agree with you. It does not mean you will never be corrected or shown to be wrong. It simply means it's safe to be you and no one will destroy you out of prejudice."

Mutual acceptance. Oh, that God would give us that kind of spirit at Stonebriar Community Church. Please, work on acceptance. Have a welcome mat out in front of your heart. When we come together, don't look at what somebody's wearing. Don't see if you can smell alcohol on their breath or smoke. Don't look for signs that are going to fill in your scruples and give you a reason to like them or not like them. Please, we're a family. We don't all want to be like you, and you certainly don't all want to be like me. God made us different. Let it be. A life of grace begins with mutual acceptance.

Oh, by the way, the two killers: here they are, got to throw these in. These are two killers: controlling and comparing. If you are a controller, no wonder you're so miserable. Comparing? You'll never find yourself happy because somebody will always be smarter than you or prettier than you or less intelligent than you or uglier than you. And you're going to keep comparing and that's going to be your whole reason for going on. Please.

Build the home you think you ought to live in and live in it, and never apologize for it. Drive the car you think you ought to drive and stop worrying about somebody else, what they'll think about your car. If they think that much about it, let them make the payments. You drive what you think you ought to drive, okay? We're not a church that gauges people on lifestyle. Please.

May I add just a comment here? There are times that we must confront things that are wrong. We have a biblical basis for doing it, and there are times that that confrontation may lead to a division in relationships. There's everything right about that. It isn't pleasant, but it's right. When those convictions are set forth in the scriptures and when you have to compromise your convictions for there to be a relationship, there needs to be a break in the relationship. Scripture stands, relationships give. Just to clarify what I mean by acceptance, what I don't mean by it.

Number two, here's the second principle: an attitude of grace requires releasing others to be who they are. An attitude of grace requires releasing others to be who they are. What I call letting them go. Let the Lord direct their lives. Let the Lord direct their lives.

Verses 5 through 8 are all about giving people room to grow and learn. Keep saying to yourself, "He is the Lord's." Last year, I must have said that four dozen times, at least. "He is the Lord's. He has to answer to the Lord. That person is the Lord's. The Lord's in charge. The Lord is sovereign. The Lord's in control." That person is not going to control me. That person's not going to get the best of me. That person is the Lord's. I'm going to leave that person with the Lord. Lord, he's Yours. Sick him, or something like that. You know, something of that nature.

Leave it with Him. And Lord, become my focus. Take the place of any vengeance in me. Take the place of any ugliness, and You become my focus. But I'm leaving him with You. He's the Lord's. And I have to say that about myself: "Lord, I have to answer to You for this. I'm the one that's going to stand before the judgment seat of Christ."

Wouldn't it be great if it read, look at verse 10, the end of it: "We must all stand before the judgment seat of God." Wouldn't it be great if it said, "All wives get to stand before the judgment seat of God and talk about their husbands"? It does not say that. You're going to be there alone and you won't be holding hands with anyone because you're the Lord's. And He'll reward you accordingly because you're His. See how freeing this is? Leave people room to grow. Lighten up on your judgments. There are people who can't keep up. Let it be. Just teach yourself not to make yourself the standard. You're not the standard.

I, as a pastor of this church, am not the standard. I am in this role and some of it reluctantly only because I'm called. And part of it I love and part of it is a beastly responsibility. No ego whatsoever in my life caught up in this role, I can assure you. I'm too old for that. But I have a responsibility and I want to fulfill it as long as I can and should. And I want to leave you alone to grow and learn on your own. And I may know better about some things, but unless you ask me, I'm probably not going to tell you. Unless it's a scriptural statement and then I'm responsible to teach that. But if it's in the area of convictions, you've got to grow on your own. You've got to learn.

Here's a third one and boy, it's a toughy. A commitment to grace means that I never assume a role I'm not qualified to fill. A commitment to grace means I never assume a role I'm not qualified to fill. What role is that? Being anyone else's judge. Now why am I not qualified to be another's judge? Listen to the reasons.

I cannot know all the facts. I have to know all the facts to judge correctly. I can't know them all. You won't even tell me all because you don't know them all. I don't hear the other side either, so I can't know all of those sides. Second, I cannot be totally objective. I'm prejudiced. I'm opinionated. I'm finite. I'm unable to read motives. If I could read motives, I'd be a better judge. I can't read your motive. I lack the big picture. I have my own blind spots. I see some things very clearly, but I'm blind in other areas and so that's blocked off and that keeps me from being a good judge. Christ has none of those restrictions. That's why He qualifies.

May I say it? I don't care how long you live, I don't care how old you are, you are still finite humanity. You are just humanity. You haven't sufficient wisdom to write anybody off. God doesn't. Why would you? Now I'm going to tell you something that happened to me and you'll never forget it, but I hope you learn from my terrible mistake.

I was teaching at a Bible conference, a summer Bible conference, one week a number of years ago in another state. And the first evening we normally would have a dinner with everybody and it was a large group, maybe 700 or 800 people, and I didn't know most of them. And one couple sat at the table near us and she turned around and I turned around, we were meeting each other and I met her and I met her husband. They were cordial. She seemed a little warmer than he. He seemed a little shy. But I got to know their names and became table acquaintances.

Within an hour or two we were at the meeting and I began to preach and he fell asleep. I often talk in people's sleep and so for it to have that happen is not offensive to me, but every meeting, every meeting: morning, evening. I mean, he'd barely make it through the song service and he's out. One time I think he made it through my introduction and then he was gone. And by the end of the week, I had it all figured out. She wanted to come and she kind of dragged him hoping that it would somehow reach him, but obviously he's not interested in spiritual things.

How wrong I was. Friday morning she said to me following the meeting, "Could I speak with you all alone after this last meeting tonight?" I said, "Absolutely." I knew what she wanted. She had a husband that was disinterested in spiritual things and she needed counsel on how to live with that.

So the lights had dimmed and most people had left and she waited until the others were gone and she walked up, thanked me, said some nice things. And she said, "My husband isn't here tonight. You see, he's dying with cancer. And the medication they give him makes him sleepy. And he's so embarrassed because one of his great goals and hopes before he died was to meet you because you're his favorite. And I want to thank you for ministering to us this week."

She hugged me and walked out. And I stood there with this massive spear of guilt stuck right through me. I said to myself, "You stupid fool. Who do you think you are to judge somebody else? This dear guy is doing good to be at the meeting. I had him pegged as not interested in spiritual things. He's the reason they came." Learn from me. Stop judging. Stop it. Determine this year you will quit it. You will get rid of the gossip. You will get rid of the stuff that fuels the groups you meet with, the people you're close to.

And when you hear it, call it what it is. "You know what? I'm not going to participate in that. That's judging. You know what? That's gossip. We don't know enough to even have an opinion. No, I really am not going to go there." And then when you get home, "Lord, forgive me for being so suspicious and for enjoying a few moments of that gossip before I confronted it." Deal with it. When you do, you will grow massively in Christ. It will make a remarkable difference in your spirit as you work with people who are different, who have children who can't keep up, who have marriages that didn't work, who have a background in a mental institution perhaps, or in prison. God bless them. And they're trying to get back on their feet. Let them go. Let them grow. You'll be so grateful you did that.

Wyatt Prunty in a magazine titled American Scholar wrote this little piece that just gripped my heart when I read it. Every parent who has taught a child to ride a bike will appreciate it. It's called "Learning the Bicycle" for Heather, must be his daughter.

"The older children pedal past, stable as little gyros, spinning hard to supper, to bath, and bed until at last we also quit, silent and tired, beside the darkening yard where trees now shadow up instead of down. Their predictable lengths can only tease her as, head lowered, she walks her bike alone. Somewhere between her wanting to ride and her certainty that she will always fall. Tomorrow, though, I will run behind, arms out to catch her. She'll tilt, then balance wide, wide of my reach till distance makes her small, smaller beyond the place I stop and know that to teach her I had to follow, and when she learned I had to let her go." I love that piece. "To teach her I had to follow, and when she learned I had to let her go." Let's bow our heads together.

Just sit quietly right there. Don't move. People all around us are learning to ride the bicycle. You may have it down pat and you're really good and you're fast, but most aren't. People fall off bicycles. Takes some people longer. Stop judging. Start being a part of those who encourage and wait and understand and forgive.