Insight for Living

Bill Meyer: When someone you love draws the wrong conclusion about you, no amount of explaining seems to help. Their opinion feels set in concrete. Well, if that's ever been your experience, today's message will speak straight to your heart. Today on Insight for Living, Chuck Swindoll turns to Mark chapter 3 where Jesus redraws the very meaning of family. He posed the question, who are my mother and my brothers? And the answer changes everything for anyone who's felt like an outsider in their own family. Chuck titled today's message Misunderstood by the family.

Chuck Swindoll: I want you deliberately to put yourself in the sandals of Jesus' mother and his brothers and sisters for the next few moments. For almost 30 years, he has been an intimate part of the family. He has worked at the nearby, if not right at the home, the carpenter shop with Mary's husband, Joseph, perhaps with other of the brothers who were in the same trade. He has eaten his meals with them. They have had festivities and holidays together. All of a sudden, one day he's gone. You read nothing in this gospel or any of the gospels that he left a word of explanation.

He has left and he's now preaching. And he's preaching along with healing people and dealing with demons. And more and more you hear how popular he has become. And so they go to bring him back to Nazareth. All of a sudden, you don't feel quite like you did at first about his family. By the way, this is the only place in all the Bible, verse 21, where you read that account. They came saying, he has lost his mind. When his mother and his brothers arrived, by the way, quite likely Joseph, Mary's husband has died. Look at the verbs.

They sent word to him and they called him. Is that remarkable? Normally, the family would be close inside and the crowd would be outside. In this case, the crowd is inside and all around him, I would imagine in the hundreds, who knows, maybe over a thousand people in the little village of Capernaum, crowding all around this house to touch him, to get relief from their demonism, to to find hope to go on. And here shows up a a small family uh frowning and wanting to get inside, to get a message to him. The crowd was sitting around him and and they said to him, behold, your mother and your brothers, they're outside, Jesus.

They're they're looking for you. Before we go any further, uh understand in the Middle East, the natural family is sacred. Sacred. One man writes, for Westerners, Jesus' words, though perhaps mildly shocking, don't mean that much. As we grow up, we develop a circle of friends who know us much better, who spend much more time with us than our own parents and siblings. We regard that as normal. But in Jesus' world, it was scandalous. As it would still be in some places, the family bond was tight and long-lasting. As with many non-Western cultures today, it was normal for children to live close to their parents, maybe even in the same house.

The family unit would often be a business unit as well, sharing everything in common. What's more, for Jews, the close family bond was part of the God-given fabric of thinking and living. Loyalty to family was the local and specific outworking of loyalty to Israel. That's what we're dealing with. And so the crowd says that it's your mother. Your brothers are out there. Look at his answer. Now remember everything I've said to this point so that we won't misread what he's saying. Who are my mother and my brothers? Looking about it, those who were sitting around him, he said, behold, my mother, my my brothers.

For whoever does the will of God, you hear the priority? Whoever does the will of God, that that that's that's closer than natural family ties. You say, you know, Chuck, uh up till now, you and I have gotten along pretty good, but right now I got a I got a problem with you. Okay, let's go to Matthew 10. Uh let me let you argue with Matthew, okay? Matthew chapter 10. Very important passage of scripture. 10:34 to 39. Jesus' words, hold on now. Do not think that I came to bring peace on the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.

For I came to set a man against his father and a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. A man's enemies will be members of his own household. He who loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me and he who loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. He who does not take his cross and follow after me is not worthy of me. He who has found his life will lose it and he who has lost his life for my sake will find it. Listen to me.

That is radical thinking. Now, given the traditional thinking of the traditional natural family and in your case and mine, they're not here to listen. They're home wondering why you're in church all the time. That kind of teaching is scandalous. I I think it would help to hear a paraphrase, so allow me from the message. Eugene Peterson handles that this way. Don't think I've come to make life cozy. I've come to cut, make a sharp knife cut between son and father, daughter and mother, bride and mother-in-law. Cut through those cozy domestic arrangements and free you for God.

Well-meaning family members can be your worst enemies. If you prefer your father or mother over me, you don't deserve me. If you prefer your son or daughter over me, you don't deserve me. If your first concern is to look after yourself, you'll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you'll find both yourself and me. We are intimately linked in this harvest work. This is a large work I've called you into, but don't be overwhelmed by it. Got to be careful how I say this. When you truly trust in the Lord Jesus Christ, you enthrone him as top priority in your life.

And as you grow in maturity, he becomes more and more important to you than life itself, even family themselves. What is it about spiritual family that he was referring to back in Mark chapter 3 33 through 35? What is it about them that make them mothers and brothers and sisters? Well, listen closely. They share in the same birth. All of us in the family of God are born into the family of God through faith in the Lord Jesus. So we have that in common. We have a common birth. We have a common hunger and thirst for righteousness.

Christ brings that into our lives. We didn't have that in a natural family necessarily, but with Christ we have that. And amazingly, we find ourselves closer to someone else who hungers and thirsts for righteousness than we do for our own blood brother, our sister. We have a common sense of obedience to the same master and the common goals and priorities. Natural families don't think like that. Let me put it this way. Natural families are exclusive. God's family is inclusive. That 's why in natural families you will hear words like this. Uh you know those neighbors?

Yeah. Well, they're not like us. Uh they're not our kind. I know you've heard even though you look at me like, what are you talking about? I've heard that all the time I'm growing by a good family. You know, they're not like us. They're they're different. You know, in God's family, we love that. We love the the inclusiveness of the family of God. Well, at least we should. We're all so different. And you say, well, that's that's that's the way it is in the body of Christ. Why? Because we're brothers and sisters and moms and dads with one another.

I cannot tell you how many people say to me, you're like you're you're like closer than my father to me. And you know what? I've never seen them. They've just heard me in a little radio broadcast. And they sent an email that says uh you 're like a dad to me. Um how could that be? You you just read it. They feel a sense of oneness and a commonality. Now, having said all of this and I've waited to add, this is a very delicate and abused issue. It's delicate because it forces one out of a traditional way of thinking like natural family.

But it's abused because some have handled these truths unwisely and they treated their natural family disrespectfully. Uh those are other war stories I won't mention, but that they run the gamut. Things I hear from parents of new Christians that are just so zealous. I mean, all they can talk about with their family is coming to Jesus, come to Jesus, come to you know, come to Jesus, you are going straight to hell. Now, that's not a great way to win the heart of a mom or a dad. But you know, the the young believer, he means well cuz he really believe and he wants the parents in eternity with him.

And so he comes across and like with a fist, rather than living the Christian life in such a way that they're drawn to it, attracted to it. Jesus doesn't say that to his own mom and and and and brothers and sisters. He says this to the crowd. His mom and brothers are back going to Nazareth, shaking their heads wondering, what are we going to do? James, his own brother, doesn't believe until the resurrection. I can understand that. I mean, can you imagine being a brother of Jesus? He doesn't even snore. All right. James has just run a little while.

Jesus didn't run while. Mom said, come to supper. Jesus came to supper. Me I in in my family, I had a marvelous older brother. He loved Jesus long before I did. I I used to think, good night. I'd wake up in the middle of the night, my brother would be on his knees by his bed praying. I'm like, why in the world would I have to have Martin Luther for a brother over here? What is this about? And I remember my dad would say, son, you want to pray today for the meal? And I'd say, yeah.

God bless this food and make our body strong and free that we may use our health and strength and service Lord of the Amen. Pass the gravy. And my brother said to me one day, when are you going to learn to pray? Mom first thought was to cut his lips off. Why? Cuz he was right. And his rightness made me feel foolish. That's James. It took the resurrection for James to say, he is the Messiah. But right now he doesn't know that. He doesn't believe that. So you got it. How do we handle it? We can't just walk out, you know, scratching our heads wondering, what I do about this?

Let me give you three simple statements. I want you to write them down cuz you're going to need them. First, face it. Second, accept it. Third, adjust to it. First, face it. Second, accept it. Third, adjust to it. What do I mean by facing it? Listen carefully. You realize that once close family members who don't know Christ won't understand. In fact, they will remain very concerned about you. They will try to figure you out. Your mom may even be into sending notes or if she's on a computer, she'll drop an email on you. And she may say things that hurt.

It's because she doesn't get it. She doesn't understand. She's a good mother. She loves you. She just can't figure you out. Face that. I mean, here goes Mary and the brothers back to Nazareth and uh A. T. Robertson uses a great word for the family that came and got turned away. He calls them and he means it in the right sense, pathetic. It's a rather pathetic picture. As they're on their way back to Nazareth having left him at Capernaum wondering, what are we going to do? What are we going to do? Jesus faces it because he turns and says to his spiritual family, let me tell you what the issue is.

So we face it. Second, accept it. What do I mean by that? Don't fight it. And especially, hear this. Don't try to force them into believing. That's God's job. Don't you leave notes for them on the dashboard of their car or on the front door. Don't do that. Don't drop tracks on them every time you are in a family reunion. Don't do that. Don't do that. Or you are at a meal they don't normally pray, that's not a good time to say, aren't we going to pray? What kind of a ungrateful family is this? Don't don't go there.

Accept it. It's God's job to change him. I love the late Ruth Graham's words regarding her husband. It it's my job to love Billy. It's God's job to make him good. It's your job to love your family. It's God's job to bring him to himself. And he will in his time, in his way, by his grace, if it's part of his plan. Don't get in the way of that. I learned a couple of great comments in the last few weeks related to the animal world that says it best. First one, never teach an ape to sing.

People won't enjoy it and it annoys the ape. Okay? That's the first one. Here's the second one. Never wrestle with a pig. You'll get dirty, but the pig will like it. I'm not calling family members apes and pigs, okay? Don't so don't write me. I'm not saying that. I'm simply using these silly illustrations as an example of how to accept the family for who they are. They mean well. They have your good at heart. They're confused. Most importantly, hear this, they're lost. Remember when you were? Of course you do. Of course you do. You wonder why on earth do those people show up at that church?

Listen to that guy yelling from that box up there. I mean, week after week, can't they had enough of that? Why? They don't get it. We have a insatiable hunger for truth in God's family. They don't accept it. Third, adjust to it. Adjust to it. Understand until the Lord turns their hearts around, they will not grasp the joy, the zeal, the delight, the motivation you have for living. At the same time, they won't understand some of the friends you choose cuz they'll be inclusive friends and not the kind of friends you'd necessarily bring home for supper.

I mean, we're an unusual bunch. Just look around. Go ahead. Be my guest. Look to your left. Look to your right. Any of them look like your family members? Just look. Look. One guy's got tattoos all down his arm. Another gal sitting over here in torn blue jeans. Another one looks out there right looks like they were out too late last night. I mean, we're all different. All different all different colors, all different backgrounds, all different personalities. And God is at work in each one and we love it. I love it that in the family of God we're all not just alike.

Wrestle alike, sound alike, pray alike, look alike. I thought of that when I read David N. Redding's book again called Jesus Makes Me Laugh. That a great title. He tells about the story of two boys that were wild wild kids as teenagers. They went by nicknames, Booger and Smiley. I like those nicknames. David Redding's Presbyterian minister and he said, I decided after a while that Booger and Smiley and Jabo ought to be a part of our worship service. So he said, I tried to talk Booger into letting me use his real name. He said, no, they won't know who I am.

Use Booger. So he said, you can imagine my shock when I looked in the worship folder that I just watched over and I saw Prelude, Johann Sebastian Bach, Invocation, Booger. Isn't that funny? Listen to Booger's prayer. Oh God, bless all the men here with long hair and all the men here with short hair and all those here with no hair and help them love each other for Christ's sake. Amen. Little later, a grandmother told the pastor, there was a day like no other day in our church when those boys prayed for us at church. Then he had Jabo deal do the benediction, Jabo Cox.

Listen to his story. Heroin addict for 8 years. It showed on his face. Something changed Jabo. His life was now different. Something had happened to him. He had dropped out of school at 13 and went from grass to hard drugs, sold his body to men to pay for his addiction. It was hard, dark where he was. Dark his death. It was like hell. Then something happened. Morning came. My life came back to me. He said Jabo, it made it possible for me to graduate from high school at age 38. The best way to tell you what's happened, he says, is by this last song I want to sing with you.

I just learned it. Won't you sing with me? He said, Jesus loves me. This I know for the Bible tells me so. And so they weren't singing because of the tears. So he said to him, what's the matter with you people? Can you sing the last part? Little ones to him belong. They are weak, but he is strong. Yes, Jesus loves me. Now, most of our families, I don't think Booger would be invited to supper. My dad would have certainly wanted his name different to let him sit down at our table or Jabo guy lived that kind of life.

But in the family of God, there are brothers and I love it so. I love it so. Father, we need a lot of wisdom to carry out the truth of what we have heard today. Just we get so lost in our stuff. It gets a churchy. It's like we've almost lost our faith. We get so nitpicking that we stumble over a person's tattoo or somebody's earring or length of hair or bare feet, stupid things that push us from them, when in fact they're all like us trying to find their way. Forgive us our father for majoring in the minors and missing the best things in this new life.

Help us to face it and accept it and adjust to it that some won't get it. They just never will get it until you invade their lives and then they won't need any explanation. So give us patience, wisdom, grace, love, understanding. As we continue this zealous and delightful journey until we talk to you face to face. In the name of Jesus, our Savior and God, we pray. Everybody said, Amen.

Bill Meyer: Isn't that liberating to know? It's our job to love our families and God's job is to bring them to himself. If you're carrying the ache of being misunderstood by the people closest to you, we hope you'll hold on to the hope that Chuck Swindoll has offered today. This is Insight for Living. Chuck titled today's message Misunderstood by the family. You know, there's a difference between hearing about Jesus and meeting him for yourself. And meeting him is exactly what happens when you stop skimming the gospel of Mark and start searching it. One verse, one scene, one encounter at a time.

That's why we'd love to place a three-volume set of searching the scriptures Bible study workbooks in your hands. These spiral-bound guides walk you straight into the action alongside Chuck, the demons who obey, the storms that go still, and the lepers who walk away whole. And they slow you down long enough to ask what it all means for you. Use them on your own or gather a few friends around the table. To order all three, call 800 772 8888 or go to insight.org/offer. And here's a companion for that journey because if Mark shows you what Jesus can do with a fisherman or tax collector, Chuck's brand new memoir shows you what he can do with a nervous kid from a small Texas town who was sure he had nothing to offer.

In Awakened by Grace, Chuck retraces the surprising route that God mapped out for him, one unlikely turn after another. And he's quick to say none of it was his own doing. That's the hope in it for you. The very things you've counted as strikes against you may be the very things that God is preparing to use. Read Awakened by Grace and see. Chuck's memoir would also make a thoughtful Christmas gift. Go to insight.org/memoir or call us at 800 772 8888. Ever been criticized by someone who refused to say it to your face? I'm Bill Meyer.

Chuck Swindoll describes a model response tomorrow on Insight for Living. The preceding message Misunderstood by the family was copyrighted in 2010 and 2026 and the sound recording was copyrighted in 2026 by Charles R. Swindoll Incorporated. All rights are reserved worldwide. Duplication of copyrighted material for commercial use is strictly prohibited.